Autophobia (fear of loneliness, monophobia) how to get rid of it

Autophobia is a common mental disorder, an obsessive fear of loneliness. Otherwise called monophobia and isolophobia. It is found among people who not only have a hard time withstanding loneliness, but their fear of loneliness is acute and has developed into a phobia. The danger of this condition is the high probability of a suicidal outcome, since it is among autophobic people that the highest percentage of suicides occurs. Why such fear arises and how to get rid of it, read in this article.

Reasons for the development of autophobia

Autophobia is a panicky irrational fear of loneliness. And today the problem is more relevant than ever.

Causes of psychological disorder:

The modern rhythm of life leaves no time or opportunity for communication. And this is one of the important needs.
If a person is left on a desert island for several months, he will go crazy. Irreversible changes will begin in the psyche. People need other people.
Through communication, personal identification occurs. We see how others treat us and perceive ourselves accordingly.
The causes of autophobia often go back to childhood. If a baby is rarely picked up, it will form in his subconscious that such behavior is the norm. The child will suffer, but will get used to it. And in adult life he will avoid others and will not be able to establish trusting relationships. At the same time, the need for contacts with people will remain. This is a common problem for children from orphanages.
A huge percentage of divorces affects the psyche of adults and children. The loss of a parent can trigger autophobia in a child. And adults after a divorce are afraid of never creating a couple again.
The death of a loved one often causes the development of a fear of loneliness.
Problems with communication at school in adolescents also provoke autophobia. A closed and complex teenager is afraid of his loneliness, but cannot do anything about it.

These and other traumatic situations cause a real fear of loneliness.

What is autophobia

What is autophobia in humans, what does it mean? Autophobia literally translates as “fear of oneself.” The name is derived from the ancient Greek words αὐτός, which means “self”, and φόβος, which translates as “fear”. This is the name for the fear of loneliness.

So it is, in fact, a person is afraid of his own inner world. He cannot be alone with himself because he hates himself, considers himself bad, stupid, worthless. He does not love or accept himself or part of what lives in him, such as the past. Therefore, he is afraid to be alone.

Often the fear of loneliness is combined with a fear of the dark; many autophobes are afraid of falling asleep alone. This is due to the fact that in the dark the subconscious is activated even more, internal “monsters” become more intrusive.

Fear of loneliness may stem from a difficult childhood or trauma in adulthood.

Symptoms of autophobia

The disorder manifests itself in different ways. There are psychological, behavioral signs and physiological reactions of the body. Autophobia is difficult to diagnose due to the mildness of the symptoms. A person may notice discomfort, but not associate it with a serious problem. Moreover, the longer the disorder persists, the more difficult it will be to cure.

Signs of a phobia:

A person experiences discomfort when alone.
Anxiety arises if you have to be left alone in an apartment.
A person is in constant tension due to the fact that he does not have a partner: a husband or wife. Complexes appear.
Melancholy occurs if you need to perform a series of actions alone.
Severe anxiety and fear periodically cause thoughts about the future alone.
A person follows relatives around the apartment, trying not to be alone.
The advanced form causes persistent depressive disorder. Suicidal tendencies are possible.

Also, with fear of loneliness, vegetative manifestations are present. These are panic attacks, tremors of the limbs, nausea. Pale skin, feeling of shortness of breath and a lump in the throat. All these are signs of a real phobia, which distinguishes a psychological disorder from simple anxiety.

Reasons for fear of loneliness

Reasons for the development of fear of loneliness:

Childhood trauma. For example, a child was often left alone or his parents intimidated him (“If you don’t listen, I’ll leave you alone”) and ignored his needs. Or the child was traumatized by the divorce of mom and dad.
The death of a significant person or a painful breakup in childhood or adulthood.
Punishment of loneliness in childhood. It was then that the child learned to please people, to be obedient (read as “comfortable”), so as not to be abandoned.
Victim mentality, low self-esteem. Formed due to suppression in childhood (authoritarianism or overprotection).

Fear of loneliness is often associated with fear of death and aging.

How to deal with autophobia

The fear of loneliness must first be recognized. Ask yourself 5 questions:

Do you have obsessive thoughts that you will be alone all your life?
Does it depress you when everyone leaves home?
Don't you like to be alone with your thoughts?
Do you have panic attacks or physical manifestations of phobias?
Have you noticed that you strive to be with people all the time, following your household members around the house?

If you have these symptoms, you need to see a psychotherapist to get a diagnosis. Only a specialist, using tests and other diagnostic methods, will be able to tell whether there is cause for concern.

Treatment of autophobia is best done in a psychotherapist's office. Therapy is aimed at correcting the consequences of a traumatic situation, searching for it in the subconscious or memory. Your doctor will help you understand that loneliness is not a cause for concern. Positive associations with loneliness will be developed. Treatment time for fear of loneliness is from six months to three years. The difficulty of treatment lies in the fact that it is human nature to be in a team - this is inherent in our nature. The more instinctive a person is, the more difficult it is for him to get rid of fear.

Three Factors of Loneliness

Feelings of loneliness are determined by a combination of three factors. The first is the level of vulnerability to social isolation. Every person has a common genetic need for social inclusion, and your personal level of this need will be different from that of any other person. If the need for connection is high, it may be difficult to meet it.

The second factor in feelings of loneliness is the ability to self-regulate emotions associated with feelings of isolation (not only externally, but also deep within oneself). Every person experiences suffering when their need for companionship is not met, and if loneliness continues for some time, it can become a source of chronic distress. How well you deal with these feelings affects the amount of mental pain you experience. If you're chronically upset, it makes it impossible for you to accurately judge other people's intentions—you may begin to perceive them as rejecting you when in fact they are not.

Learning to accept and effectively cope with feelings of abandonment, manage feelings without judging yourself or others, and find ways to solve problems will help reduce the damage that loneliness can cause.

The third factor is mental representations and expectations, as well as reasoning about others. Feeling lonely doesn't mean your social skills are underdeveloped, but it does impair your ability to use them. People who feel lonely often feel like they are doing everything they can to form a connection and find a sense of belonging, but simply no one reciprocates. Naturally, such feelings turn into huge disappointment, which after a while begins to affect a person’s mood and behavior when he is around others. Chronic loneliness can manifest itself in anger or resentment, which often leads to further withdrawal from others. Sometimes single people struggle because they feel inadequate or unworthy. Feeling ashamed of who you are will also make it difficult to connect with others.

People who have been single for a long time may also experience fear. Fear of rejection from others leads to the fact that a person strives to step aside and not share his true essence with anyone - naturally, such behavior does not contribute to establishing contacts and only aggravates loneliness, introducing a person into a vicious circle. The body language of such people may reflect the insecurity and distress they are experiencing, although they may not be aware of it. Just when they seem to be able to form a bond, their manner of communicating with others may inadvertently convey nothing more than a message to “stay away,” which naturally alienates those around them.

When people become emotionally disturbed, they lose a sense of security, may see danger everywhere, and are less likely to acknowledge someone else's point of view. It is important to remember that the vast majority of people feel lonely from time to time. Many single people believe that they are unique in their situation and that it is not normal to feel this way. However, temporary loneliness is a part of life because humans are social creatures and overwhelmingly consider love, intimacy and social connections to be far more important factors in happiness than wealth, success or reputation.

Loneliness is a deep, destructive pain that can become chronic and cannot be overcome by simply going outside and talking to someone you know.

Just as physical pain protects people from physical dangers, loneliness can serve as a social pain that protects people from the dangers of isolation—it can motivate behavioral changes and greater emphasis on the relationships that are essential to survival. The emotional area of the brain that is activated when a person experiences social rejection is the same area of the brain that registers emotional reactions to physical pain.

Tips for dealing with autophobia

Self-treatment of the fear of loneliness comes down to consciously accustoming yourself to the idea that every person is lonely to some extent. Personal space is necessary. If as soon as all household members leave the room, a feeling of fear and anxiety arises, the problem is not alone. The problem is in the person himself. You need to figure out what specifically causes anxiety.

Psychologists advise taking a blank sheet of paper and writing down all your fears and anxieties on it. Then you need to work on each item separately.

For each fear, ask a series of questions:

Is the situation real or does it only exist in your head?
What exactly caused this fear? How did this start?
Do most people feel the same way in a similar situation?
What would you advise a person if he came to you with the same problem?

The last paragraph suggests analyzing your own situation from the outside.

Symptoms and manifestations of fear of loneliness

The course of such a disorder can be so invisible that it is sometimes simply impossible to identify it. This behavior is typical for people who lack self-confidence, residents of modern cities, as well as teenagers.

Diffidence. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence in oneself in terms of making important decisions. A person constantly seeks support from others.
Desire for people. A person can change in one moment and turn from a withdrawn introvert into an ardent extrovert who constantly strives to communicate with people. Sometimes such behavior, on the contrary, pushes people away, which only aggravates the situation.
Trying to keep a person close at any cost. This usually manifests itself in extreme compliance. Personal opinion is lost, everything is done as others say, just so as not to be left alone. An autophobe can go to extreme measures and begin to blackmail others with threats of committing suicide if they are abandoned.
Panic attacks. Unreasonable panic attacks are a symptom that clearly indicates a fear of loneliness. And it manifests itself not only in those cases when you need to say goodbye for a while. The trigger for an attack can be a trivial situation when a person cannot get through to someone or does not receive a response to a message on a social network or SMS for a long time.
Demand for evidence. It is not enough that there are close people nearby. An autophobe needs to be sure that he is loved and will not be abandoned. Therefore, he requires verbal evidence.
Illogicality in relationships. Very often such people become indiscriminate in terms of choosing a soul mate. They can start short-term relationships, but at the same time always being the initiators of the breakup. The second option is also possible - creating a family, that is, getting married, with, roughly speaking, the first person you meet. The main goal is not to be left alone and not to be abandoned.