My friend Katyusha and I have such a tradition - once every six months we definitely try to bring each other “to the public.”
When we meet, over a glass of white wine, we discuss all the pressing issues: we complain about our husbands and bosses.
We lament that our jeans have become 2 sizes smaller (and we never say out loud that WE have become 2 sizes larger!) We share revelations and dreams so that in six months we will meet again - share who has what has come true.
This time Katya and I met in a cozy Mexican restaurant. When choosing a table, from the first minutes I noticed that something was wrong with my friend. Her usually luminous eyes dimmed and her smile was replaced by awkwardly pursed lips. “Depression again!” - I immediately determined.
This happens to Katyusha from time to time. Well, who doesn’t it happen to, after all? Since her husband Vitka at these moments becomes defenseless, like a baby, I have to resuscitate my friend.
And now, looking into her gray eyes, I wondered: how to get Katyusha out of this state? And in general, how to get a girl out of depression? Can I handle this better than my girlfriend’s beloved man?
That evening, determined to fight depression that was not mine, I opened my laptop. Writing some advice for men whose girlfriends are sometimes mopey is, in my opinion, a good idea.
Vitya, read this article and finally get your Katyusha out of depression!
7 tips on how to get a girl out of depression:
Tip No. 1. Girls love with their ears
When your girlfriend is depressed, everything matters. And in order to get her out of the protracted blues, you need to start with the little things - what and how you say.
Give more compliments. Truthful! It is important. If your girlfriend has gained a few kilograms, and you tell her “my skinny girl,” this is a reason to eat another pie, and not a reason to get out of depression, I swear!
Surround her with pleasant words like: beloved, sweet, gentle. Give the girl compliments more often regarding her outfits and well-chosen accessories. And even if you don’t understand anything about it, your shoes go so well with this dress. Seriously, you look amazing!”
In order to get your partner out of depression, talk about your feelings more often. At these moments we feel so unloved and unnecessary. And even contrary to all the laws of logic - repeat for the hundredth time how much you love her.
Don't forget the words of gratitude. “Thank you” for every portion you eat. For each, Karl! And beware of irony. “Honey, you cooked these store-bought dumplings so deliciously, thank you!” may be perceived as a signal to attack.
You know how dangerous girls are when they're angry, right?
Signs of Depression
Manifestations of depressive disorder are numerous, varied and can affect not only the emotional sphere, but also the physical one.
Symptoms of depression include:
- sadness, depressed mood for 2 weeks or longer;
- general fatigue;
- pessimism;
- apathy, lethargy;
- irritability;
- tearfulness;
- guilt;
- unstable appetite, weight changes (loss, gain);
- sleep disorders;
- decreased libido;
- attacks of anxiety, fear;
- decreased performance;
- inability to concentrate, memory impairment;
- loss of interest in previously loved things;
- somatic illnesses (complaints about physical ailments, often not previously bothered).
In advanced cases, slow speech, delusional ideas, a noticeable decrease in intelligence, obsessive thoughts about death, and alcohol and drug abuse are common.
1 Diagnosis and treatment of depression
2 Diagnosis and treatment of depression
3 Diagnosis and treatment of depression
Parents of children and adolescents should be alert to the appearance of such signs of depression as:
- sleep disorders;
- decreased appetite, weight loss, slow growth;
- frequent headaches;
- manifestations from the gastrointestinal tract (frequent vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, etc.);
- cardiopalmus;
- inadequate reaction to the ordinary;
- irritability, aggression;
- stubbornness, isolation;
- defiant behavior;
- anxiety, fears;
- decline in academic performance.
Tip #2. Don't give stars from heaven
Better yet, give flowers! I know one man who, when asked: “Why don’t you give me flowers?” answered sincerely: “I give you every daisy in front of our gate.”
No comments are needed - any girl will understand me now.
Yes, I know that many men consider flowers and impractical gifts to be something unnecessary (not like spinning, for example!)
But still, in order to get a girl out of protracted depression, it is important to listen to her desires.
Give her a large bouquet of her favorite flowers. Remember what perfume she hinted at? What kind of lingerie does your girlfriend like?
At the same time, please her with small surprises several times a week. It could be a bouquet of wildflowers. Her favorite fruit or a bottle of good wine. A card with warm words left on the bedside table in the morning. A letter smuggled into her purse.
In general, any action that will again tell your girlfriend that she is loved. Every step like this brings you closer to getting your loved one out of depression.
IMPORTANT! When your girlfriend is depressed or blues, under no circumstances give her interior items, kitchen utensils or hygiene products. Believe me, a set of pots, even the most expensive and beautiful ones, run the risk of causing a thunderstorm.
Tip #3. Invite a girl on a date!
Yes, just for a date, and not to have a pizza and a beer.
And even if your girlfriend often doesn’t mind drinking beer, in moments of depression it’s unnecessary, believe me.
What does your other half like? Go to school to pick up your child? Help me dig worms for your fishing? Past.
Remember what you did to please your girlfriend a few years ago. What events excite her now? Where did your first meeting take place? What restaurant did you go to on your first date?
To get a girl out of depression, you can help her return to pleasant memories by recreating them here and now.
I remember how a couple of years ago our friendly group helped Ilyusha make a gift for a girl. He decided to combine pleasant memories with new emotions.
Knowing that Vikusya had long dreamed of dancing a slow dance with him in a romantic atmosphere, the man took dance lessons for several weeks. By the way, we call Ilyusha “our hero” - 192 cm tall and 100 kg of muscles. This little guy just looked incredibly touching in the dance hall!
In general, our romantic rented a restaurant for the whole evening, where he and Vika had their first date. At the end of the delicious dinner, a violinist came out from the back of the restaurant, and Ilya, blushing and dropping his cutlery, invited the girl to dance. Result: after 9 months the couple had a new addition.
Get out somewhere more often – there’s simply no better way to get anyone out of depression! Cinema, theater, opera, art spaces, street food festivals, parks. Where there is light, life, the smell of coffee and people laugh a lot.
It has long been known that the emotional background of the places we visit is clearly reflected in our state. Give me some positivity!
Whatever the reasons for your girlfriend’s blues, remember: the more often she is around joy, fun and attentive you, the greater the chances of getting her out of depression as quickly as possible.
Tip #4. Touching...
At the moment of depression, it often seems that the whole world is ready to attack you, that you are emotionally naked and defenseless. So another effective tip to bring your loved one out of depression is to touch her as often as possible.
Resume the ritual of morning kisses and hugs. After waking up, take just 5 minutes to just lie in bed cuddling with a girl. Take her hand, hug her shoulders in crowded places. Such a gesture will subconsciously say: “you are protected, I will not let you be offended.”
All this will help get your girlfriend out of such a state as blues and depression.
Tactile contact is a great thing!
How often do you hold a girl's hand in public? What? Do you like to have your hands free? Are you carrying a bag? Hmm...
Do you know that hugs will not only help lift a girl out of depression, but also:
Helps reduce blood pressure.
At the moment of hugging, a hormone is released that is responsible for improving physical health. Endorphins are released, the nervous system relaxes, and blood begins to circulate correctly.
Helps fight fears.
The famous scientific journal Psychological Science published an interesting fact: a tight hug helps a person cope with depression much more effectively than a couple of sedative pills. During hugging, fear of the future, loneliness and death also weakens.
Helps establish emotional contact.
Surprisingly, large European companies have entire training sessions on hugging! Thanks to them, the emotional atmosphere in the team improves, the level of trust in each other increases and performance improves.
Naturally, employees of such companies are much less likely to suffer from depression.
How to get a girl out of depression:
Girls love with their ears
To get a girl out of depression, you need to start small. It’s not for nothing that they say that girls love with their ears. If you surround your depressed friend with care and affection and give her many truthful and beautiful compliments every day, then she will soon come to life and from Princess Nesmeyana will again turn into a sweet, smiling and cheerful girl. This is very important if, for example, a girl has gained a few extra pounds or has had a bad dye job.
It is important for girls to feel needed and loved, so young people should talk to their significant other about their feelings more often. If the simple phrase “I love you” is considered insipid and ineffective, then you can try expressing your love with phrases from the poems of great poets or try confessing your passionate feelings every day in different languages.
Date or shopping
A date is a great reason to get off the couch, put on makeup, get dressed, and become your most charming and attractive self again. Men need to take this advice on board, as it works flawlessly. Dinner in a good restaurant, wine and candles, live music - all this will create the mood and help the girl get out of a depressive state.
If a girl refuses to go to a restaurant, then you can invite her to the cinema for a light comedy or a film about love with a happy ending. You can fool around and go on rides, eat cotton candy, sit on a bench and laugh. Another great way to overcome depression is shopping. Women of all ages love shopping. If you give a girl a certificate for shopping at her favorite store or take her to the store and give her the opportunity to choose an outfit, this will definitely cheer up any sad fashionista.
If a girl has developed depression due to excess weight or thoughts that she does not have the most spectacular appearance, then you should try starting with a visit to a stylist or makeup artist. A talented makeup artist is able to highlight the beauty of a girl, because there are simply no ugly people. Everyone has a “zest” in their appearance. The stylist will select a basic wardrobe, which will contain things that suit the girl’s body type. If a representative of the fair sex considers herself too plump, it is worth showing her plus-size models who know how to look impressive and stylish even with their considerable weight. And by the way, they have many fans among men.
Touching and hugging
For loved ones, touching and hugging is very important. Hugs demonstrate love and warmth towards each other. Numerous studies by scientists have long proven that hugs help people both psychologically and physically.
When people hug with their lovers, children, close relatives, friends, endorphins are produced in their bodies. Endorphins are morphine-like substances that reduce pain and cause a feeling of euphoria. “Every person needs four hugs a day just to survive. To feel good, you need at least eight hugs a day!” - says psychotherapist Virginia Satir. Is it possible that a depressed girl simply doesn’t have enough hugs and touches to feel needed and loved?
Talk
Scientists say that every depressed person longs for someone to ease their pain, to lend a helping hand, to listen. Sometimes the problem is solved quite simply: a person expresses his pain, his experiences to another person, and recovers. There are times when the best cure for depression that we can give to our loved ones and dear people is the ability to listen to them.
As soon as the girl agrees to talk, you need to try to find out what happened, what is eating her. If it’s hard for her to talk about it, then you can offer to write down your problems on paper. As soon as the girl throws out her worries on a piece of paper, it will become much easier for her. Then you can discuss her problems together, think about how they can be solved, what situations can be corrected through joint efforts. It is necessary to convince the person that everything can be solved and there are no problems that make it worthwhile to entertain suicidal thoughts or isolate yourself from the world within four walls.
In such situations, psychological techniques work well: for example, write your problems on paper, discuss them together, come up with a plan to correct the situation, and then burn the paper, symbolically getting rid of the problems written on it. After this, you can have fun: go to the cinema, restaurant, theater, just take a walk or have a candlelit dinner at home.
Emergency help
In the case of prolonged depression, when a person has already lost touch with the world and is immersed in his problems, it is worth thinking about drug treatment of the disease under the supervision of a doctor. Depression is a serious illness that can cause irreparable harm to a person’s psyche and lead to suicide or nervous exhaustion.
Tip #5. What about talking?
No talking. In order to bring your loved one out of depression, you should understand why this blues attacked her in the first place.
Carefully try to find out the true cause of depression. You may not be able to help her solve her problem. Yes, this is not necessary! Your girlfriend will see that you are attentive to her. She will understand that you are interested in what is happening in her life.
Or maybe it will even happen that you can help her in a difficult situation with wise advice. Advice, Karl! There is no need to lecture or put pressure on the girl! To bring your loved one out of depression, it is important to listen and hear.
Tip #6. Sex therapy
Another wonderful way to get a girl out of depression is... intimate intimacy!
Arrange a romantic evening for your beloved, smoothly turning into a romantic night. The girl will definitely not refuse a massage by candlelight after a relaxing bath.
Is it worth reminding that the goal is to get the girl out of depression, and not to drag her into it even deeper? Therefore, this evening everything is just for her. All the caresses, all the romance and passion.
Try new positions, experiment, fulfill her old fantasy. Bringing your loved one out of the blues and depression by showing her that she is still sexy and desirable is a great option.
Biological and psychological causes of depression in women
There are also causes of depression that are unique to women. This is due to the peculiarities of female physiology. Such reasons include:
Premenstrual problems
Hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle can cause the familiar symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). These include bloating, increased fatigue, irritability and emotional reactivity. For many of us, PMS manifests itself quite mildly. But for some women, the symptoms are so severe that they can destroy their psychological health, causing severe dysphoric disorder.
· Pregnancy and infertility
The numerous hormonal changes that occur in a pregnant woman's body can contribute to depression, especially if the woman is at risk. This also applies to other situations that are somehow related to issues of childbirth - such as miscarriage, unwanted pregnancy, abortion or infertility.
· Postpartum depression
Many young mothers experience not only positive, but also anxious emotions after the birth of a child. They are overcome by worry about the baby's health, fear of the responsibility that comes with motherhood, and an immense feeling of fatigue after a difficult period - pregnancy and childbirth. This is a normal reaction, and these fears pass within a few weeks. However, some women experience very severe depression, which is called postpartum depression.
· Perimenopause and menopause
Perimenopause is the stage leading to menopause. During these physiological changes in the body, women may be at increased risk of depression because their bodies undergo major hormonal changes.
Psychological reasons
The peculiarities of the female psyche are also manifested in the causes of depression in them:
· Focus on feelings and emotions
Women are more likely than men to ruminate when they are depressed. We try to analyze our feelings, we cry to reduce emotional stress, we try to find out what led us to depression, we tell our friends about our feelings. However, all this thinking and talking only fuels our depression and can even make it worse. Men, if they find themselves in such a situation, try to distract themselves from their worries. Unlike constantly talking about your upset feelings, diverting your attention from difficult emotions can significantly relieve depression.
· Dissatisfaction with your body
Gender differences in depression become noticeable as early as adolescence. Girls perceive very hard the imaginary shortcomings of their appearance, which seem simply terrible to them, and this causes the most unpleasant emotions in them. An adult woman can experience the same despair if it seems to her that she should meet some standards of appearance, but she just can’t do it.
· Susceptibility to stress
Some studies show that women are much more likely than men to develop depression due to stress, and the level of stress in a woman can be much lower than that which can cause depression in a man. In addition, our physiological reaction to stress differs from the reaction of the male body, which is why depression occurs much faster in women.
