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The good old fairy tale about an unhappy girl fulfilling all the whims of her evil stepmother is a very common plot in real life. At the end of the fairy tale, Cinderella got what she deserved when she met a handsome prince. But this is just a fairy tale, and there will be no happy ending in life until Cinderella herself takes control of the situation.
Cinderella syndrome is typical for both girls and men.
There are women who are a good housewife and wife, mother and conscientious worker, but she is unhappy because her career does not work out, her husband and colleagues do not respect her, the children do not obey, and the reason lies in uncertainty, as well as in a tendency to self-deprecation , self-criticism and “sick” perfectionism. This is the psychology of their behavior. They are helpful, cannot refuse requests, and those around them brazenly take advantage of this.
Cinderella syndrome - what is it?
How to recognize Cinderella syndrome in yourself
Symptoms:
- a woman “has her head in the clouds”, not paying attention to pressing matters;
- low self-esteem;
- unsuccessful attempts to earn universal respect through humility;
- humility, inability to prove one’s point of view;
- a woman has various complexes;
- inability to enjoy life and have fun;
- excessive emotional attachment to loved ones;
- passion for TV series, novels, idealization of a partner.
A woman, having Cinderella syndrome, still dreams of a fairy-tale life. But these are just illusions. To make a dream come true, it is necessary to act, but the psychology of Cinderellas does not allow this, they remain in an imaginary world.
Reliability is a symptom of Cinderella syndrome
Psychological model of Prince Charming
In the field of psychology, the Cinderella complex is not only continuous daydreaming, but also an inability to evaluate people. Because of this, the inexperienced Cinderella, dreaming of a handsome prince, gives preference to a person who is not ideal. He may not be bad, but there are no fairy-tale heroes in real life, and excessive dedication and love that has no boundaries will begin to oppress even a loving man: he may break off the relationship or become interested in something else. Inattention for Cinderella is a serious insult. To avoid this, she:
- tries to preserve relationships for a long time, not paying attention to problems;
- consoles himself with memories, falling into a depressive state;
- fantasizes about meeting her new betrothed, who will be her prince.
In life, candidates for betrothed do not try to find an unassuming girl who does not have her own opinion.
Even if a girl can interest a man in this, she is unlikely to be able to keep him with her immaturity.
There are no fairy-tale heroes in real life
Causes of Cinderella syndrome
The root of this problem dates back to childhood. Parents most often place high demands on girls, unlike boys. Parents do not allow their daughter to do anything, they burden her with various household chores in every possible way, enrolling her in classes, forcing her to study hard. All these activities are useful, but the child does not have any free time for entertainment and relaxation. In such cases, the girl begins to think that she is loved for a reason; her parents’ love must be earned through success and achievement. In most cases, such a child does not hear praise, which is very important when raising, but only demands. High demands, on everything else, are made not only by parents, but also by teachers at school, who are dissatisfied with the slightest mistakes. They know that a girl can study better.
The child begins to take such requirements for granted and does not expect praise, believing that she is unworthy of it until she fulfills everything perfectly.
As a result of powerful pressure from adults, the girl’s self-esteem decreases, she withdraws into herself and directs all her strength and thoughts to performing the job flawlessly. This is precisely the behavior that characterizes the Cinderella complex in psychology.
It would seem that a calm, helpful, thrifty, excellent daughter at school is the ideal child, but the parents do not even know what is happening in the head of little Cinderella, what awaits her in the future.
Cause of the syndrome in childhood
There is Cinderella syndrome in another meaning. It manifests itself in the desire of young girls to leave their provincial town to conquer the capital, finding their happiness there. But dreams, in most cases, remain dreams. Only a few girls achieve their goal by meeting a wealthy “prince”, thereby solving their problems.
Cinderella syndrome
We all know the story of poor Cinderella, whose life was radically changed by a single shoe. But the fairy tale is silent about the fact that she had to experience terrible torment in the crystal slipper, because it rubbed the back of her foot so much. She can probably be considered the first celebrity to suffer from Haglund's deformity. The cause of this disease is precisely irritation of the Achilles tendon in the foot area. The main suspect here is pumps with heels of 5 - 10 cm. They are always in fashion and never create comfort for the foot.
The heel of the shoe is usually slightly curved and digs right into the back of the heel bone, which is already under tension due to the shortened tendon pulling on it. With plantar fasciitis, a protrusion, or spur, forms on the heel, reducing the distance between the heel and the metatarsal heads. A similar kind of exostosis (a tubercle of bone or cartilage material) can also form on the back surface of the heel. This benign growth is called a pump bump, and the inflammation occurs due to constant rubbing of the area surrounding the growth. In addition to boat shoes, growth can appear from ski boots or skates. In any case, 95% of such “bumps” are present in women.
Inflammation from this kind of “bone” is sometimes localized not only on the heel bone itself and/or the Achilles tendon, but also in the periarticular bursa. The periarticular bursa is a small sac of fibrous tissue filled with fluid. Its function is to protect areas of the body suffering from friction or abnormal internal or external pressure. It is localized between a tendon or other soft tissue and bone (for example, in a joint). However, the bursa itself can become inflamed, resulting in bursitis, accompanied by severe pain and tenderness.
In this area, there are two types of bursitis: Achilles bursitis and bursitis of the subcutaneous heel bursa. The first of them develops between the tendon and the bone, the second - between the tendon and the skin. These conditions are not easily distinguished from Achilles tendonitis and often require a doctor's knowledge, experience and instinct to make a diagnosis. Bursitis in this part of the leg is treated with ice, ultrasound and wearing the “correct” shoes, because regular shoes put pressure on the tendon and “push” it onto bone or other soft tissue.
If the problem is the bone growth itself, and not the formation of a bag, the treatment is basically the same - ice, ultrasound and comfortable shoes. Another option is a donut-shaped tab. It will reduce pressure on the inflamed area. If the disease is associated with shortening of the Achilles tendon, which disrupts the biomechanics of the leg and foot, other orthopedic means are required.
In very rare cases - no more than 2% - surgical intervention is recommended. The procedure is performed under local anesthesia in a doctor's office or surgical center using an open or gentle, low-impact method. Recovery usually occurs quickly and without complications.
Even more rarely, when the Achilles tendon attaches to the heel bone just where the bunion forms, the tendon is surgically separated from the bone and reattached after the bunion is removed. As you can imagine, this is a more complex operation, after which the leg remains in a cast for 6 to 12 weeks. But there is no need to worry: such an intervention is indicated in less than 1% of patients, and it is entirely preventable.
Cinderella Men
There are also men with Cinderella syndrome. Such men grow up from boys who had no sisters, and all the housework fell on him.
They grow up quiet, with many complexes, closed, but economical. These are called henpecked. They enjoy doing housework and cede the role of head of the family to their wife.
Henpecked man - Cinderella syndrome
Kinds
Not everyone knows that this complex can manifest itself in four scenarios, some of which are the complete opposite of others.
- A woman who remains with a childish behavior pattern. The personality is immature and does not know how to stand up for itself.
- A girl who is unable to build her own life and solve problems. She can only exist in tandem with a strong person who will take on all the difficulties of adult life.
- A woman in pink glasses, idealizing everything around her. Such girls often choose “princes” who have a number of shortcomings and bad habits. When they try to open the eyes of such a woman, she still doesn’t notice anything and continues to soar in the clouds.
- A girl who has high demands on her chosen one and on life in general. The rarest type of syndrome. She is really looking for a prince, an intelligent, handsome, wealthy man. However, having found such an option, she will have a number of other requirements, if they do not meet them, the candidate will be excluded from consideration for the role of a life partner.
What are the mistakes of Cinderellas?
The excessive demands of parents and others, the lack of strength to perform perfectly and the inability to satisfy all demands awaken in little Cinderella a feeling of inferiority. She considers herself unworthy of happiness, career growth, high wages, success, a wealthy and loving husband. She is always content with little, and perceives praise as something supernatural.
From childhood, the belief instilled by her parents that good girls should be modest makes her believe that she is unworthy of praise and receives it undeservedly.
Unhappy Cinderella understands her situation, but cannot do anything about it, because she believes that she is unworthy of more. Such women understand their second-class status and meekly pull the burden, showing patience with their husband’s neglect and poor work with low pay.
Treatment methods
It is possible and necessary to get rid of the good girl complex, otherwise you can remain a worker bee for the rest of your life with low wages and endure the neglect of your spouse, children, and reprimands from your superiors, hoping for a reward based on your merits, which you cannot easily get.
The first step to correction is awareness and acceptance of the problem.
It takes hard and long work, but it will teach you to respect and love yourself:
Awareness of the problem
You need to learn the word “no”. If a woman with Cinderella syndrome is asked for something, then it is more like a demand, because the person knows in advance that she will not refuse the request and will not demand anything in return. But you don’t have to agree and run to fulfill the request. If the request is unpleasant or you don't have time to do it, you can decline it without coming up with a string of excuses. Every person has the right to simply refuse.
Increase self-esteem
Cinderellas, as you know, always have low self-esteem. They are perfectionists who focus on failures but ignore successes. To increase self-esteem, you can take a sheet of paper and write down your shortcomings and advantages, of which there will be more. You can also celebrate your successes during the day and simply praise yourself for it. Praise from others should also be taken for granted, and not blush and scatter in compliments. They praised it, which means it was deserved.
A visit to a psychologist, special meditation techniques, and auto-training will help you cope with low self-esteem.
Spend time on yourself
Every day at least a couple of hours should be devoted to personal interests and desires. You can go to a beauty salon, join a gym, take up your hobby, or just read a book. And let everyone know that you cannot be disturbed over trifles in your personal time.
Little gifts for yourself
Pamper yourself
- Sometimes you can treat yourself to a new beautiful thing, go to a restaurant. It's important to think that you deserve the best.
- You don't have to be a "good girl" to everyone. It is simply impossible to be good to everyone. Otherwise, those around you, seeing such behavior, “sit on your neck.”
- It is not necessary to tolerate people's unpleasant behavior or attitude. Everyone has every right to respond to rudeness with rudeness, to become angry or offended.
To realize your dream, you just need to love and respect yourself, understanding that you deserve the best, then everything will work out.
Story
In the state of Ecuador there is a small town located high in the mountains. About 300 dwarfs live there. All of these residents have Laron syndrome, and each person’s height is no more than 120-130 cm. With favorable environmental factors and the absence of bad habits, they can live a very long time, more than 100 years, and therefore are of great interest to researchers in the field of modern eugenics.
In 1987, a group of scientists visited the Ecuadorian coaster. It was led by physician Jame Guevara-Agurre. Then scientists observed approximately 130 people with Laron syndrome. It must be said that there are no more than 300 such people all over the world. They are descendants of the Jewish Conversos tribe. These are Sephardi Jews, whose habitat was Spain and Portugal, and in the 90s of the 15th century they were converted to Christianity.
As already noted, the uniqueness of these people is that they are not afraid of either cancer or diabetes. Previously, scientists believed that only patients with Down syndrome and naked mole rats (an interesting species of rodent) were insensitive to diabetes and cancer.
A group of researchers observed the residents of the Ecuadorian city for 27 long years. During all this time, only one of them was diagnosed with a malignant tumor, which did not end in death.
Of course, dwarfs also have relatives who are ordinary people: as for them, living in the same region, doctors found about 5 percent with diabetes, and 17 percent with cancer. These are normal statistics for Ecuador as a whole.
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