I don’t know what I want: how to understand your desires

The need for self-realization and self-actualization is the highest need, according to Maslow’s pyramid. Self-realization is the discovery of talents, the realization of desires, the practical application of skills and abilities. This also includes constant self-development and expansion of personal capabilities. Self-actualization is the practical application of what is already in the individual, that is, self-expression. But neither self-realization nor self-actualization is possible without self-determination. Before choosing the path of self-realization and following it, a person must understand what he can and what he wants.

What is personal self-determination

Self-determination is a conscious search and maintenance of an internal position, beliefs, desires, and views. This is the answer to the questions “who am I?”, “what am I?”, “what do I want?”, “what can I?”, “what is the meaning of my life?”, “why do I live?” Simply put, it is a search for oneself, a path to oneself. In the course of self-determination, a person has to decide in what conditions he wants to live, what he wants to do, what worldview, values ​​and attitudes to follow. This is a conscious choice of life path.

Self-determination can be personal, life (social) and professional:

1. Personal self-determination (“I am as a person”), or the construction of a self-concept, the development of self-awareness. This is the formation of a person as an individual, knowledge and acceptance of character traits, psyche, and temperament. Correction of those qualities that can be changed, and acceptance of those characteristics that cannot be corrected.
2. Professional self-determination (“I am like a professional”), or choice of profession. This is a search for a vocation, a sphere of work in which a person can continuously develop, realize his potential, and enjoy the results of his activities. Professional self-determination is closely related to personal self-determination, because for an adult, work takes up most of the time. Therefore, it is important that the work combines three components: I want, I can, I must.
3. Life self-determination (“I am like a person”), or the choice of social roles and stereotypes, image and lifestyle. This also includes attitudes and ideas about the lifestyle adhered to by reference groups. This is the determination of a place in the system of group and social relations, the choice of life goals and means of achieving them, the search for optimal means and methods of self-expression. That is, a person determines what the world is ready to give him, what he wants to take from the world, and what he himself is ready and able to give to the world.

In addition, we can distinguish sexual self-determination, self-determination in a group, individual, family, moral, spiritual, aesthetic self-determination, etc. Every choice that a person has to make is self-determination. People choose and discover their sexual orientation, gender identity, leisure and food preferences, behavioral style, etc.

We are constantly and continuously learning about ourselves, going through the process of identification (self-identification). We compare ourselves with other people and determine which group we belong to. This is another basic need of every person - the need for belonging, involvement, the presence of “friends” and “strangers”. But at the same time, each person wants to preserve his uniqueness and not get lost in the gray mass. And if a person could not understand himself or dissolved in others, then he is tormented by the thought: I don’t know what I want.

«Our minds are filled with noise, so we can't hear ourselves. Our heart calls to us, but we do not hear it. It's time to change that

"- writes the famous Zen Buddhist monk from Vietnam Thich Nhat Hanh. To hear yourself, you cannot do without the help of a wise mentor. In this collection you will find something like this - a book that will give you food for thought, pose the right questions and point you in the right direction. Read, get inspired and listen to yourself.

The path to yourself begins with a hurricane inside. Break patterns, turn established opinions upside down, change attitudes - exercises from those who have overcome this path will help you with this. Where to begin? Face your fear. Fill in the blank: “I want ____, but I’m afraid I’ll never get it.” The louder the panicked voice in your head, the closer you are to something worthwhile. This means that fear is a natural part of success. Don't try to fight him. Accept it and take a step towards your true self. These are the books that will help you “pull out” what is deeply hidden inside your soul. We are born with curiosity, but over the years we are overcome by anxiety. The book will help you get rid of fears and understand your true desires.

The whole truth about me

881 ₽ 1 129

Curiosity is something we are born with. Anxiety is something we acquire over the years. It's time to return to curiosity. Why do we listen to the inner voice that tells us we are not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough? How can we overcome the fears and doubts that prevent us from building a life that reflects our true essence? This book is a formal invitation to face your fears, deal with your inner discomfort, and let go of the anxious attitudes that keep you from expressing your authentic, best self.

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33+. Alphabet of life stories

925 ₽ 1 186

You will find 33 stories - ambiguous, deep and sometimes shocking - and 99 questions, answering which you will see new facets of yourself and reconsider your life attitudes. Larisa Parfentyeva is a master at asking questions and a collector of life stories. In her new book, she has collected a variety of stories from very different people: sincere, inspiring, sad, frank. This book is dangerous in its own way: in addition to stories, it contains 99 questions for self-exploration, and once you start answering them, you risk no longer remaining the same you.

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Never ever. How to get out of a dead end and find yourself

860 ₽ 1 102

Author Elena Rezanova is a career strategist. The book will help those who are lost in the profession and want to realize their abilities. This book is written for you if you have been living in the “I’m out of place but don’t know what to do about it” mode for years. This means you are missing out on your life. You are not living up to your potential and not contributing to the world what you could contribute.

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Dreaming is not harmful

870 ₽ 1 115

Learn how to find your strengths and realize your hidden talents. The bestseller from Barbara Sher is perfect for those who are just beginning the journey of self-discovery. This humane, deeply practical book will allow anyone to turn their vague desires and dreams into concrete results. After reading it, you will learn: how to discover your strengths and hidden talents, how to chart a path to your goal and set a time frame for achieving it, how to use a support group that will allow you to stay on track with your goal.

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Simply space

881 ₽ 1 129

The book will show the path to space achievements. You will learn how to set goals, achieve them, be lazy with benefit, motivate yourself and much more. This book is not about big goals and global destiny. It is about specific, simple, consistent steps. About where to look for energy and motivation. About how to be flexible: you can always turn off the road if you realize that it is not yours. About how to have fun every day, combine personal life, work and development and conquer your personal space - whatever it may be for you.

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As soon as life's adversity looms on the horizon, harmony collapses like a house of cards. Problems are a part of life, you can’t hide from them. But this does not mean that balance is inaccessible to modern man. In order for harmony to firmly establish itself in your soul, learn to resist troubles. For example, through meditation. When thoughts leave you, you truly relax and problems no longer seem so difficult. Let's briefly talk about books that will lead you to harmony.

Mindfulness

870 ₽ 1 115

Meditation practices help fight stress - the main obstacle to harmony. By applying the meditative practices suggested in the book for just 10-20 minutes a day, you can: reduce the level of stress, anxiety, irritability and prevent depression; develop memory, creativity, reaction, attention and self-control; train your mental and physical endurance; reduce blood pressure and the risk of hypertension, increase immunity and overall health.

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Personal boundaries. How to install and defend them

876 ₽ 1 123

It will help you reconsider your attitude towards affairs and people, take life into your own hands and protect yourself from the negative influence of others. There are demands on all sides, and it is no wonder that these days so many are rushing here and there without any sense of control over the situation. In fact, there is a way to cope with this chaos of the 21st century, you just need to reconsider your attitude and behavior in order to take life into your own hands and not allow others to influence or control you.

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Book of Joy

944 ₽ 1 210

Joy is a right given to us from birth. The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu discuss how each person can achieve this feeling. Answering questions, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop give examples from their lives, communicating with the reader on equal terms, all the time emphasizing that every person, be he a spiritual leader or one of the modern people living in the bustle of a materialistic world, is characterized by the same emotional reactions.

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Ten minutes to zen. Happiness, calm, control

925 ₽ 1 186

Psychotherapist Owain O'Kane has developed a simple program that will give you a clear mind and calm in just ten minutes. This book is a practical guide to help you start each day with a clear mind. The simple program described in the book is based on several theories, including cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness.

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Conversations about happiness

870 ₽ 1 115

The book raises important questions about human life and the search for happiness. A fascinating novel and deep psychoanalysis - two in one! Psychiatrist, psychotherapist and psychoanalyst Arkady Panz shares his experience, observations, thoughts and feelings that he has accumulated over thirty-five years of professional activity. In the book you will find answers to many questions, make sure that there are no unsolvable problems, and gain inspiration for solving your own problems.

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Love can make anyone happy. The worst day will become brighter if the hugs of your loved one await you in the evening. But love quickly passes if it is not nourished by conversations, care, and rituals that give the feeling of a fairy tale. By the way, you don’t need to wait for a special moment to get into this very fairy tale. Everyone has the power to create a magical atmosphere of love themselves. Create your own ritual: bring coffee to your partner in bed, have a family dinner on Saturdays, read aloud to each other. This is how a spark is born - love is made of such moments. Our books will help you carry this feeling through the years.

Love for life. Guide for Couples

955 ₽ 1 224

A must read for couples who want to understand the underlying causes of conflicts and maintain love for the rest of their lives. Harvill and Helen have been searching for the reasons for unsuccessful marriages for many years; as a result of long research, they came to the conclusion that every person takes samples of relationships from childhood, which he tries to relive, and does not always cope with it. The authors of this book offer another way out. This is Imago psychotherapy aimed at improving interaction with a partner. Dialogue plays a key role in it.

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Union of Dissimilars

870 ₽ 1 115

The famous business consultant Itzhak Adizes views the family as a system. This means that in marriage, partners play different roles and therefore are not similar to each other. The trouble is that when people with dissimilar behavioral styles come together, conflicts arise among them. The conflict can go into a destructive phase and lead to divorce. And it can help further development and self-realization. It depends on whether there is mutual respect and trust in the family. This is a book about mutual respect and trust and how to develop and nurture them in your family.

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Morning magic for lovers

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Adapted “Miracle Morning” technique for maintaining love and passion in a couple. Find out what 8 steps separate you from shared happiness. Hal Elrod's book changed the lives of millions of people. Relationship Psychology Specialists with Hal Elrod will help you build a beautiful relationship where love and passion grows day by day.

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Hug me tighter

944 ₽ 1 210

Understanding, respect, love begins with a heartfelt conversation. In the book you will find 7 types of dialogue for building strong relationships. This is a book for couples young and old, married and simply living together, happy and unhappy - for everyone who is looking for lifelong love. Intimacy and affection are a basic need for one and all. Its author, Sue Johnson, together with her supervisor, developed a new approach to couples therapy - Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which has already proven its effectiveness.

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Family is what you need. Book about Love

970 ₽ 1 244

Famous business coach Nina Zvereva talks about the rules, values, and traditions of her family. The book will help you develop your own model of happiness. “All happy families are equally happy” - is this true? Nina Zvereva is convinced that the happiness of every family is unique. But you need to work on it. A strong family is a system that is based on common rules, values ​​and traditions. How to combine a successful career and maintain harmony in the family? Using her personal experience, Nina will talk about the main secrets of well-being.

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Happiness, like love, we expect from the outside. We are looking for new acquaintances in the hope that they will make us happy. Or we move to another job because we feel unhappy here. But, as a rule, if the state of mind changes, it is temporary. In fact, happiness can be trained, no matter how pragmatic it may sound. Try it today. For example, on your way to work or home, notice all the good things you see around you. Over time, you will notice how you become more positive and that joyful moments begin to happen more often. It's that simple. In the books we present here, you will find other secrets of happiness.

Hormones of happiness

870 ₽ 1 115

Serotonin, dopamine, endorphin and oxytocin are hormones that give us a feeling of euphoria. The good news is that you can train your brain to produce them. The book contains practical advice on how to do this. This book will show you how to rewire your brain and activate the hormones that make you happy. In addition, you will learn how to form new habits and trigger the action of “happy hormones” by changing neural pathways. Dozens of exercises from the book will help you with this.

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Food and the brain

828 ₽ 1 061

What happens in the head depends on the contents of the stomach. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, David Perlmutter's nutritional system can make you not only healthier, but also happier. The doctor proves that memory problems, stress, insomnia and bad mood can be treated by avoiding certain foods. For those who do not suffer from such problems, a proper diet will help maintain good health and mental acuity.

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Emotional intellect

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Basic work on how to learn to manage emotions. You will understand your feelings, learn how to restrain strong emotions and learn to understand others. American psychologist and recognized expert in the field of emotional intelligence Daniel Goleman argues that our emotions play a much larger role in achieving success in the family and at work than is commonly believed. Do you want to know the answers and learn how to cope with sadness, anger, temper, depression and become more successful? Read this book.

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Focus on what matters most

881 ₽ 1 129

In the era of information noise, it is not easy to identify truly important things. Under the cover are practical tips on how to prioritize in life. The crisis of attention today can be found everywhere - at work, at home, in society. Often even those who think they are attentive deceive themselves. If you want to change the situation, you will have to give up some habits. You can apply the practical advice in this book at work and at home today by starting the process.

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Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen

860 ₽ 1 102

Fundamental work that will help “pump up” the main skill on the path to happiness. After all, we often lack the willpower to do useful things for our health and well-being. How to stop putting things off until the last minute? How to learn to concentrate and cope with stress? How to maintain composure? If you have ever asked yourself any of these questions, then immediately pick up and read this book. By putting into practice the methods and strategies described in it, you will learn to easily manage your attention, feelings and desires.

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Identity crisis

A crisis in self-determination, or a crisis of self-identification, is a turning point, expressed by an internal contradiction between the components of self-determination (I want and can, I want and must, past and present or future, professional and personal self-determination, etc.). This is a crisis situation, another difficult choice.

An identity crisis is a normal phenomenon in the course of self-realization and self-determination. All people face this. This is the same essential element of development as age-related crises. This becomes a problem if the person is not aware of it or if the individual cannot constructively overcome the crisis.

Reasons for uncertainty:

• difficult life situation, change in usual conditions;
• crisis (personal, age);
• depression, neurosis, other disorder or disease;
• quarrels, conflicts, problems in relationships at work, with friends, in personal life;
• collapse of hopes, failures;
• dissatisfaction with oneself against the backdrop of comparison with other people (here is Petka, my peer, what has he already achieved, and what have I...).

Changes in personality and environmental conditions, changes in attitude towards oneself or the world, awareness of dissatisfaction with the profession - all this and much more leads to a crisis. And then a person again has to understand his desires and capabilities, and look for himself again.

And it also happens that the style of family education is to blame. Authoritarian or overprotective parents are equally harmful to the child. In both cases he grows up depressed. As a result, he does not even have the opportunity to understand his desires and needs. Let's take a closer look at what to do in each case.

Letter to the Future

Imagine yourself in the future. Imagine that you have the opportunity to send your past self a letter containing everything you want. Write down what you have achieved and give an approximate plan of how you achieved it. Write the implementation date. Include absolutely every aspect of your life in this letter:

• personal qualities (for example: determination, confidence, calmness, etc.)
• relationships (with your significant other, friends)
• prosperity (how money comes to you, what benefits you have)
• the place where you live

Dream on! After that, carefully re-read what you wrote and analyze it.

How to understand your desires

Reflection, that is, introspection, will help you understand your desires and goals. Think about and honestly answer the following questions:

1. Are you satisfied with the current state of affairs, your lifestyle, work or place of study? If not, if you are clearly suffering, waking up with a reluctance to leave the house, then you are probably living according to someone else's script. Someone made the choice for you. Try to understand what exactly doesn't suit you. This will allow you to narrow the work plan to a specific point (area). Perhaps there will be several of them. Then in each area, try to add even more specifics. Maybe you are satisfied with the profession, but not satisfied with the place of work.
2. Define your values. To do this, you can use one of the psychological methods, for example, the Schwartz test or the Must test (P. N. Ivanov, E. F. Kolobova).
3. Close your eyes and imagine your future in 5 years. Who do you see yourself as, where are you, who is next to you? Try to concentrate and see the picture of the future. This will allow you to grasp the direction of your desires.
4. Right now, write down on a piece of paper all the dreams and thoughts that you have ever had. The more you write, the better. Think back to your childhood or graduation from school. Surely you wanted to do something, but you listened to someone else’s advice. And so now we find ourselves exhausted and lost.
5. Analyze every line you wrote down. Which of these can be turned into a goal? That is, what can be achieved (hypothetically for now). Now, opposite these goals, indicate your current (experience, knowledge, skills, qualities) and potential (what you can learn with proper motivation) capabilities.
6. When creating a wish list, constantly ask the question: “is this something I want or someone else wants, is it useful for me or someone else?”
7. Now make several lists from what you got in the end: what would you do even without monetary reward, what would you be willing to do only for money, what would you do both for income and for nothing. The things on the first list are an ideal to strive for. These are your strongest desires. It remains to find out what tools are needed to implement them. If you further create the right plan of action, you will be able to find your calling and find happiness in life. After all, the first list combines your “want”, “can” and “should”.
8. Now analyze the second list. Imagine that you no longer need to provide for yourself; you have more than enough funds. What will you give up then? This is your weak spot, which is currently sucking energy. Maybe you'll say you'll quit your job or get a divorce. This means that you are in a dependent relationship and are out of place. Put this into your action plan.
9. Take action. A clear understanding of the goal, a specific plan of action and visualization of the future is your motivation. But all this will remain on paper and in dreams if you do not take steps towards a conscious life every day. For example, you can learn a foreign language by spending 30 minutes every day. You can get a new profession remotely, without leaving home, you just need to decide on a profession and course, sign up for it, don’t miss webinars and complete assignments.

Often people don’t know what they want because they lived according to an imposed script, and other people made decisions for them. It is possible to get rid of the imposed script, but it will take a lot of time. You can read more about this in the article “Life script: what is it in psychology, its structure and types. The theory of life script according to E. Berne. How to change your life scenario." In the meantime, you can try the following exercises.

Problem: strict parents, ban on “I want”

Allow yourself to wish, make a “I want” list. Write down everything you remember there: I want to buy, I want to hear, I want to know, etc. Carry this list with you, constantly add to it. In the evening, analyze the list and make a plan for the next day. Every day, replace one “should” with a “want”. And one or two days a month, arrange a day of your desires, exclude all “shoulds”. Constantly analyze your condition, evaluate the list. Gradually, you will be able to write down major wishes that affect the future. Well, then all that remains is to draw up an action plan.

Problem: custodial parents, permissiveness

Find what you don't have. Achieve this, evaluate your condition. Did this bring you satisfaction? Try yourself in the most unexpected areas and activities. If something makes you feel positive, move in that direction.

Problem: Exhaustion caused by long and painful pursuit of a goal

Perhaps you worked on a project for many years, or you had to care for a sick relative, or you were in a dependent relationship that caused exhaustion and apathy. Time to rest:

1. First, arrange a holiday for yourself, thank and praise yourself, give compliments.
2. Take a vacation that is the complete opposite of your usual lifestyle. This is necessary for a reboot and a fresh look at the next stage.
3. Make a list of the differences between your old lifestyle and your vacation. What did you like here and there, what would you like to keep in your life, and what do you never want to return to?
4. Take action.

Problem: a sharp change in the social environment, development conditions

Accept the situation, acknowledge the changes. Then evaluate your resources (tangible and intangible). Find what hasn't changed or what you can currently control. It could be any little thing or your hobby. Make a wish list and imagine your future within the new conditions. Compare the new situation and the old one, find common elements. Hint: Most of the resources and foundation you need to build a new life are within you, not in the outside world.

Problem: stagnation in life, monotony

Remember what you dreamed of as a child, imagine what you can try now. Start making daily adjustments to your usual lifestyle. Start small and move up: cook a new dish, change your wardrobe and hairstyle, visit a new establishment, go to a neighboring city. Ask friends and family to support you and suggest options for testing. You need to break out of your routine, find yourself in any new environment to shake yourself up. This will refresh your view, and then your brain will begin to generate ideas on its own.

General advice

When choosing what to do in life, we look at other people one way or another. We see how passionate and happy they are about something, and we decide that this is exactly what we need. We try, and in the process we find out that this is again not the same. The problem is that the only thing all people want is to be happy and successful. But every person is unique. What one likes, another will not like. What is easy for one person (due to inclinations and abilities), will never be possible for another. There is only one advice and solution - follow your nature. Determine and accept your mental characteristics, temperament, inclinations, etc. Taking into account the principle of conformity with nature, you will inevitably follow your own path towards a happy life.

How to find yourself

1. First of all, you need time for your fantasies and solitude, since you need to imagine yourself as the person you would like to become. You need to think about your principles and values ​​in different areas of your life.
2. You need to find and develop your own settings that will become the basis of your personal mission. All your attitudes need to be recorded not only in the brain, but also on paper, and strictly follow them, without retreating or deviating from them.
3. The next step to achieving your goals is to determine the center where your principles should lie. Only personal responsibility and activity will allow you to write a plan for your personal life and find the meaning of life for yourself. Good luck to all those who have not yet determined the meaning of their life, but really want it.

The right mental attitude

Most often, people associate their mood with the external circumstances of their lives. It is believed that the more favorable the external circumstances, the happier and calmer a person feels and he will not have to waste himself searching for the meaning of life. But in reality this is absolutely not the case. Some people remember their happiest moments in life precisely at that period of their life when there was no outwardly special material incentive, even in the project.

Our trouble is that we confuse the external circumstances of our lives with our internal attitude towards these circumstances or with how we react to them, at the level of our spiritual feelings. Dejection, anxiety, self-searching and internal discord often haunt even under the most favorable circumstances.

Many people consider the main task to be copying someone else’s life, striving for someone else’s achievements.

Of course, we can learn from someone, but the main thing for each of us is to find our own self-expression, our own path, mission and goal, where we can find our peace of mind and comfort.

Don't waste precious time

Time is running out, but the question of how to find the meaning of life remains unresolved. This does not apply to everyone, of course, but to many. Meanwhile, every passing day brings us more and more gray hair, cellulite and wrinkles. In any case, no one has gotten any younger over the past few days.

Therefore, we should be very sorry for even a small drop of wasted strength, which could not bring us closer to the goal, and does not allow us to realize our strength in life for our own benefit.

No one at forty will be able to feel as much as they felt at 30. At 40 years old after a vacation we sometimes look worse than at 30 years old after a sleepless night.

Regarding the fact that work shortens life, and why waste time on it, we can only answer by saying that indeed, we spend 75% of our lives on it. This means you need to find a job to which you won’t be sorry to devote so much time so that the work is equal to life.

If you choose a job just to sell your time for a certain amount of money, and you don’t get any pleasure, then you will not become a happy person, and the search for any meaning in life will end before it even begins.

Decent lifestyle

Finding out how decent a person you are helps you understand yourself. How to understand this? A decent person is one who has order in all respects, starting with his head and ending with order in his house and the yard in which he lives. Therefore, the main goal should be to increase your influence on your own life. The words: “become the master of your life” should be perceived as a call to streamline your actions.

To be a decent and good person, you don’t need power and money. You can become good for yourself. A person needs to be rich in good deeds. To become rich for a good deed, you must at least become rich and kind. A kind but poor person cannot become rich by doing good deeds. Also, a rich but unkind person will also not be able to influence anyone else’s life or his own.

A person can wallow in luxury and die without achieving anything. Therefore, the task for every person who wants to figure out how to understand himself, first of all, should be the desire to become both kind and rich.

We can all be divided into three levels:

1. At the first stage of development are people without desires. We can observe many such people who do not understand how to understand themselves, and this question does not interest them. They just live.
2. The second stage of development is occupied by people of desires. Most often, such people say that they strive for something, want something, and spend all their time searching for themselves. But they cannot determine what exactly they want and what their goals are. Having only desires, but not having any goals means having huge problems. Sadly, only one percent of people can boast of their goals. Most people only claim that they want a good, promising, interesting job, a good life, a lot of money, but do not understand when they want it and how to achieve it.
3. At the third stage of development is that one percent of people who understand the call: “become the master of your life,” know how to transform their desires into goals, and do not waste time searching for themselves, but are engaged in achieving their goals.

Understanding your deepest fundamental values ​​is the only important issue for such a call as: “become the master of your life.” To do this, you will need to fulfill some obligations.

The importance of our thoughts in life

We can divide our reflections into two types: active and passive. So, passive thoughts haunt us most of our lives.

Active thinking implies the presence of paper and pen in your hands in order to record your thoughts. A person focuses for some time on a specific question, for example, how to find the meaning of life, or how to find one’s purpose in life, or how to understand oneself. He tries to find answers by writing them down on paper.

Yes, many will say that great philosophers did not find an unambiguous answer to all these questions, then why should we torture our brains with rhetorical questions. This is how most people think, while they go along with the stormy current of their everyday life. And if you ask them which philosophers we are talking about, then rarely can anyone name at least one of them whom they have read.

Many believe that life itself is the meaning of life, and some argue that children are the main meaning of their precious life.

It is necessary to give birth and raise heirs when a person knows exactly how to find his purpose in life, because then his children will not be deprived of the meaning of their lives, they will know exactly how to understand themselves, and they will not waste precious money on finding the meaning of life. time.

Summary

Self-determination is a stable subjective position of an individual in relation to himself and the world. An indicator of harmonious self-determination is the unity of words and deeds, desires and responsibilities. A person with a clear position focuses only on himself, he does not hesitate in difficult situations of choice, and does not succumb to the opinions and influence of others.

Harmonious self-determination includes a value-semantic core (needs, interests, personal values), space for the individual’s self-realization, the creative nature of self-realization, future planning and prospects, the meaning of life, a positive outlook on the world.

A lifestyle that inhibits personal development and is based on values ​​condemned by society is called illusory self-determination. Example: the life of a thief or the wild lifestyle of a person living one day at a time. Productive self-realization, based on socially approved values ​​and promoting personal development, is called real self-determination.

How to understand your calling?

How to understand your calling and mission and do you have them specifically?

These are the kinds of dialogues I conduct all the time with people who “cannot understand their calling in life and themselves.”

The problem is not that there is no calling. And what's missing:

• AWARENESS to realize it. See.
• I don’t have the courage to BELIEVE that this skill is my calling, my talent.

And why not develop it? Why not return to what once made you so happy and captivated?

You say, “what about work? And who will earn money? After all, I’m so used to my familiar, disgusting, but so familiar work.

Well, then don’t whine that life is not a joy. Sorry for being rude. But honestly and fairly.

Desire or obligation?

Each person, along with desires, has responsibilities, the so-called want and need. You have to clearly distinguish between these categories, understand what you need and what you want

Why is this so important? Let's give a simple example

An ordinary first-year law student is absolutely sure that jurisprudence is exactly the direction in which he wants to move throughout his life. He graduates from university and gets to work with enthusiasm. And so several years pass. Now he is completely uninterested in applying legal knowledge. It was at this moment that his desire turned into obligation, and his attitude towards work changed dramatically. What to do in such cases?

Sometimes it’s enough to step away from boring work for a while, sometimes you need to change something in your work, but the universal way remains that you need to change yourself, because the attitude towards the world comes from within us. How to change? Again, work on your thoughts, change your behavior. Turbo Suslik to the rescue.

Remember your childhood interests and dreams.

Since in the early years of life a person is as sincere as possible to himself and the people around him, childhood memories can tell a lot. If the obsessive phrase “I can’t understand myself” sounds in my head, you can rewind time a little back to the period when everything was more defined and understandable. It was good or bad, light or dark, liked or disliked.

If you dreamed of becoming an astronaut, you did it with all your heart. And although, having matured, you already soberly assess that you won’t be able to become an astronaut, you can still find yourself in a related field. From a graphic designer drawing spaceships to a musician singing about conquering the stars. The main thing is to highlight that very “zest” that makes the heart begin to beat faster and make it your “guiding star”.

I really want to compare my own and I can, in order to understand the presence of those qualities that are necessary to realize the cherished goal. For example, if someone wanted to be a prince on a white horse, then at least he should buy a horse. Well, the pedigree is more complicated. Although, for money, you can at least become a direct descendant of Julius Caesar himself on your grandmother’s side. Moreover, with the corresponding entry in the birth certificate.

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