Psychology of a 13-year-old teenager: features of the development and behavior of boys and girls, the problem of a difficult age

Adolescence is the most important stage in the life of every person. It is during this period that the basic values are laid and the orientation of the individual is formed.

During the period from 12 to 16 years of age, active puberty occurs. In girls it begins earlier, from about 11 years old. For boys, it occurs later at 12-13 years of age, but it progresses faster and more intensely. Deadlines vary from person to person and may change.

A boy of 13 is no longer a child. He begins to change, first physically, then psychologically. This is a difficult period for a teenage boy. The crisis of adolescence is closely related to the crisis of three years.

It has been proven that if in childhood a child did not learn to achieve his goal because his parents constantly suppressed his desires, then starting from the age of 12-13, he will repeat attempts to assert himself in stronger ways. If parents follow the same path - they demand unquestioning obedience, serious conflicts are inevitable. This will adversely affect the teenager and the family as a whole. Psychological traumas of adolescence can have a lifelong impact

Physiological changes during puberty

When a teenager discovers the first changes in his body, it can cause a variety of emotions - from joy to fear. It is recommended to have a gentle conversation with your child about puberty in advance.

A boy under 13 years old must be explained by his father what changes will soon happen to him. There have been cases when a teenager was afraid of opening the head of the penis. Dads raising sons often ignore issues of puberty, believing that they will “figure it out on their own.” This is the wrong position. It’s not easy for a teenager, his psychology is changing, anxieties and complexes about his body will only aggravate existing problems. A mother will be of little help in these matters, even if she knows how to raise a teenage boy.

Parents are the main helpers in a difficult period of a boy’s life

What should parents whose son has reached puberty do? Who better than mom and dad to help their child overcome this difficult period in his life. It is important not to waste time and try to control the situation.

Parents should involve their son in sports. Psychologists have noticed that for children who lead a healthy and active lifestyle, adolescence does not cause serious problems.

Mom and dad should become friends for their son. Communicate with him more, know his friends.

His father can talk to a teenager about the physiological characteristics of the body, and remember himself at his age. Parents may “accidentally” leave some literature in a visible place that will help answer the child’s questions.

It is important to control where a teenager spends his free time. What social networks is he registered on, with whom and how does he communicate. Of course, one should not ostentatiously interfere in his personal life. You need to let the boy know that you trust him.

The teenager already considers himself more independent. However, he should not be allowed to go to bed late. A daily routine will help you cope with many physiological and psychological difficulties. Teenagers do not like instructions and moralizing. Therefore, everything must be done unobtrusively.

Let the child actively participate in the life of the family. Give him some responsibilities. Emphasize its importance when performing them.

Do not discuss your child in front of strangers, talk to him in private. Otherwise, he will not turn to you for advice.

A 12-year-old teenager needs male education. Nothing can replace communication with your father. His son follows his example. He should feel reliable support. It would be right if father and son do common things: go fishing, hike, repair something, etc.

Everything becomes more complicated if there is no father in the family, or he is not involved in upbringing. It can be difficult for a mother or grandmother to establish contact with a teenager. Year after year, difficulties can increase.

In intractable situations, it is better to consult a psychologist.

Boys of this age are more susceptible to bad habits. They strive to improve themselves. Smoking and drinking alcohol can significantly slow down the process of physiological and psychological development of a boy.

Drug addiction poses a particular danger. Therefore, parents should monitor their child’s behavior.

Signs in a teenager’s behavior that should alert you:

indifferent, or vice versa, excited state;
poor memory, absent-mindedness;
red eyes, dilated or unnatural-looking pupils;
brownish coating on the tongue;
systematic, gratuitous lies;
injection marks.

If you see any of these signs in your child, take action. Don't blame him right away. Children of this age especially need support. You may need the help of specialists.

Stages of physical development during puberty

At the age of 13, the boy begins to grow actively. Physical development may be uneven, which explains some of the clumsiness of adolescents. Muscle mass may not keep up with growth, and the limbs usually grow faster than the body. By the age of 14-15, the proportions level out.

During adolescence, due to active growth, appetite increases. It is important to monitor your diet. In recent years, the percentage of adolescents who are obese has increased.

Physical changes in boys:

Enlargement of the external genitalia. Comparing oneself with peers can become a source of complexes if there is a lack of knowledge about the pace of physical development.

Hair growth on the body and face. This sometimes causes resentment.

Change in voice, also called breaking. The timbre may involuntarily change from low to high. Usually this phenomenon goes away quite quickly.

Changes in muscles, the figure changes according to the male type - broad shoulders and narrow hips. Also, active development of muscle mass occurs.

Change in body odor. It is necessary to introduce the boy to hygiene measures.

Psychological changes during puberty

At the age of 13, teenagers begin to demonstrate their independence. Parents do not understand what to do with such uncontrollable teenagers. The main conflict is that socially they are completely dependent on their parents. If adults are insightful enough to allow the teenager a certain degree of freedom, the crisis will be more successful. Let them choose their own clothes, hairstyle, friends, hobbies.

At the same time, they do not need complete freedom and permissiveness. A teenager is half a child. He needs the love and understanding of his parents more than ever. Support should not be authoritarian, but comradely. A trusting relationship between a child and a parent is the key to successful personal development.

Psychological characteristics of a teenage boy:

Desire to become independent;

Maximalism;

The need for recognition in a reference group where they feel protected;

Vulnerability;

Enhanced development of abstract logical thinking;

Emotional instability and impulsiveness;

The emergence of interest in the opposite sex;

The first manifestations of personality that parents should accept and respect.

Adequate reaction

You can react to your daughter’s behavior like this:

There is nothing wrong with a girl spending more time with her friends than with her mother. An adult woman is unlikely to be interested in discussing boys, teen TV shows, popular music, or school events. But these are the topics that girls most often talk about. At the same time, the daughter will not be interested in discussing with her mother her work colleagues, rising food prices and other typically feminine topics that are often the subject of conversations among married ladies. Parents should show an unobtrusive interest in the people with whom their children communicate, but at the same time not try to become part of the company. You can invite friends and girlfriends home for your daughter’s birthday. This is a good reason to get to know them better. If parents don't like someone in their daughter's company, they need to say so as delicately as possible. It is necessary to provide convincing arguments why the girl should not communicate with such a friend. In any case, the presence of company is much better than complete lack of contact with peers. A child should not become an outcast during adolescence.

You shouldn’t have a sharply negative attitude towards your daughter’s new tastes. The conflict of tastes between two generations is quite common. Probably, today's mothers and fathers also once argued with their parents because they did not allow them to wear fashionable clothes or listen to the music that was popular during their youth. However, if the parents are categorically against tattoos, nose piercings, etc., their daughter should be informed about this. It is necessary to find a middle ground: avoid permissiveness and at the same time not ban everything.
A teenager’s first feelings must be treated very carefully, especially if the daughter herself revealed her secret to her parents. Under no circumstances should you ridicule or scold a child or say that he is too young for such things. You can’t criticize someone your daughter loves. Teenage love rarely ends in something serious, much less a wedding. Not even a year will pass before the daughter will forget the guy without whom she cannot imagine life today. Modern teenagers strive for “adult” love, having sexual relations at an early age. Not all girls really want this. But the desire not to become a “bluestocking” and the desire to keep the guy force the teenager to go against his principles. The daughter should be explained that early sexual intercourse is harmful for both her physical and mental development. The girl must understand that she is not obliged to do anything just to please someone. At the same time, your daughter needs to be told about means of protection against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. We must give the choice to the child himself. Often teenagers commit illegal acts solely in defiance of their parents. If the forbidden fruit ceases to be such, interest in it quickly disappears.
A change in clothing style and behavior is not direct evidence of the degradation of children. Girls are more scrupulous when it comes to choosing clothes than boys. They don’t want to look old-fashioned and fall behind their peers in some way. The desire to become part of a subculture is quite natural. Goths and emo in most cases are no different from their peers, who do not consider themselves to be part of any subculture. There is an opinion that strangely dressed boys and girls have suicidal tendencies and use drugs and alcohol in uncontrolled quantities. In fact, we are talking about individual cases, not a rule. A teenager is often driven by the desire to stand out from the crowd, to become different from everyone else, to feel unique.

Until recently, the danger of social networks was that teenagers forgot about studying and damaged their eyesight by sitting in front of the monitor for hours. Today, communication sites have become a real danger. Teenagers thoughtlessly enter into dialogues with strangers, who often turn out to be attackers. Children are deceived into obtaining information about the family's financial situation. Pedophiles are also interested in communicating with teenagers. The criminal may ask the child to send him nude photos of himself, promising money for it. The teenager never receives the promised money, and the photograph gives the pedophile an opportunity to blackmail the child. You should also be wary of your daughter joining the so-called death groups, which have become widespread recently. In such groups, unknown attackers suggest that teenagers commit suicide. Parents should talk with their daughter as often as possible about the possible dangers that await her on social networks. You can register on the same website and communicate with your child while being far from home. The daughter will appreciate the “advancement” of mom and dad.
The presence of an idol should also not frighten parents. During adolescence, children need guidelines. Instead of scolding your child for decorating his room with posters of his favorite musician or athlete, it is much better to familiarize yourself with the biography of the celebrity and understand why your daughter liked this person. Love for an idol can also be turned in a positive direction. If a girl likes a certain actress or singer, you should probably invite her to go to an acting or vocal studio. Some of today's celebrities became famous only because they imitated their idols in childhood. There is also a high probability that within 2-3 years the daughter will forget about her ideal.
In order not to have to treat your daughter for any addiction, the prevention of bad habits should be dealt with from early childhood. First of all, parents should reconsider their behavior. A mother with a cigarette in her hands, telling her daughter about the dangers of smoking, looks unconvincing. If no one in the family has bad habits, the child will not consider Sunday gatherings of adults with alcohol to be the norm. The emphasis should be on a healthy lifestyle, and not on the word “no”. The more often a teenager is forbidden, the greater will be his desire to do something forbidden. The reason for starting to drink, smoke or take drugs may be the desire to keep up with peers. A cigarette or a bottle of beer becomes an indicator of adulthood or symbolizes the ability to cross established boundaries. The parents' task is to explain to their daughter: an adult is not someone who drinks and smokes. A mature person is distinguished by the ability to take responsibility for his actions and take his life seriously.

In the struggle for their slimness, girls go to extreme measures. According to modern beauty canons, extra pounds are one of the most unpleasant cosmetic defects. A teenage girl can be encouraged to take up her favorite sport. The child must understand that this is the safest way to keep fit.

Parents often criticize their children. At the same time, fathers and mothers tend to forget that as children, they caused their families no less concern. A constructive dialogue with a child should begin with a self-critical attitude towards oneself.

Tags:Girl, Transitional age

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Marina Lozinskaya From my own experience, I remember how difficult it is for everyone to put up with this. These changes in images, constantly different companies, unreasonable rudeness in conversations with loved ones. The only thing that helped was the lack of condemnation on my part, and, strange as it may sound, constant affection and tenderness towards your child, even if he looks at you like a wolf cub..
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Andrey Rumyantsev I would like to appeal to your parents to get through your daughter’s adolescence well. You need to devote more time to her, that is, be always there. Then everything will definitely be fine.
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Edward Yes, this is very important! I just have to, as a parent, influence the future of my child. Personally, I emphasized important points that I will apply... I think this will help avoid unwanted troubles.
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Marina Neither my sister nor I had any serious conflict with our parents at the age of 13. Probably because my parents paid enough attention to Irina and me. As for me, I had a younger brother, a cat and a dog, and at the age of 15 a sister appeared. I had to help my mother with housework as much as possible, plus responsibility. In addition, I studied in a class where girls from the age of 13 drank, smoked and slept with boys. Such “friends” aroused my dislike. These girls smelled unpleasant, and they interacted with some unpleasant guys. I didn't want to be like that. As for my sister, she studied in a class with more socialized teenagers, where there was a cult of study, not drinking. There were girls in their class who smoked and wandered around, but no one wanted to be friends with them. In addition, my sister also had responsibilities - a dog, a cat, homework. Mom went shopping with Irina, choosing clothes. Ira told me about her preferences, we watched youth TV series and movies together, so Irina had no point in rushing into the pool of debauchery. I think that the more activities a teenager has, the less he will be pulled where he doesn’t need to go.
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Natalie In such a situation, when the girl has reached adolescence, it is necessary to adhere to the rule of the “golden mean”. Observe the changes in your miracle and think about how to properly direct them in a good direction. Patience, respect, delicacy will give a much greater effect than pressure, prohibitions, scandals and hysterics. This is a difficult period in the life of both the daughter and the parents. However, with the right attitude and the right approach, anything can be overcome.
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Dorin I saw my daughter masturbating yesterday. Age 13 years. This is fine?
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daughter She longs for her father's help. daddy, take me in the ass.
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The role of the father in raising a boy

The attitude of a mother towards a small child is unconditional love, based on centuries-old instincts. The love of fathers develops gradually and is of a social nature. The woman’s task is to help the young father learn to interact with the baby. Child psychology believes that the father begins to play a particularly important role in a child’s life after three years.

Boys begin to realize their gender identity and identify themselves with their dad. Games appear where a boy copies male behavior. At an older age, the child adopts attitudes towards women, interactions with older relatives, and sometimes hobbies. If in a family the father respects his mother, takes care of elderly relatives and earns money, his son will consider this the norm.

Even if at the age of 13 a teenager’s behavior does not fit into family traditions, you need to understand that this is temporary. You should not interfere with communication with peers and new hobbies. The resulting model of behavior is implemented later, when he starts his own family. The main thing is to accept the child as anyone. Father's approval is especially important for a boy. The problems of a boy in adolescence are more successfully solved with the participation of a man.

Features of raising teenage boys at 14 years old

Raising a boy is a complex process that requires parents to show tact, care and rigor at the same time. Children grow up quickly, and yesterday’s baby, who happily told his mother about his hobbies and victories, suddenly, unnoticed by adults, turns into a withdrawn, rude teenager with his own interests and passions.

How to raise a teenage boy at the age of 14 so that he grows up to be a real man, capable of accounting for his actions and being responsible for his actions? How to remain an unquestioned authority in the eyes of a child and at the same time become his best friend? How many of these “how”s are there, to which parents cannot always find an answer and, in despair, rush from one extreme to another, punishing or allowing their son everything!

Let's try to understand all the intricacies of the psychology and physiology of boys during this difficult period in order to survive it as painlessly and with dignity as possible together with your child.

Important changes

To understand how to properly raise a teenage boy, you need to know what changes occur physiologically and psychologically with children at this age.

By the age of 14, boys complete the formation of secondary sexual characteristics. They begin to experience wet dreams more and more often. The voice becomes rougher, body hair begins to grow, and some guys develop facial hair. The amount of testosterone reaches its maximum: it increases by 700-900%!

With such physical changes, it is quite natural for psychological changes to occur. Boys become anxious, irritable and distracted. The processes that occur in the body are not always clear to the child and worry him. Changes in appearance are often perceived negatively and bring many complexes.

At the same time, the boy begins to feel like an adult. He still doesn’t quite understand what it is and what to do with it, but the feeling that it’s time to change something doesn’t leave him. Aggression when defending one’s point of view is precisely the desire to prove that he is no longer a small person, but an adult whose opinion must be taken into account.

The less trust and understanding there was between parents and a boy before adolescence, the more likely it is that he will begin to seek support from his peers at age fourteen.

A feeling of hopelessness and misunderstanding on the part of adults, attempts to prove importance to himself and others often push a boy to rash actions that are fraught with serious consequences.

Family and relationships within it

In this difficult time, it depends only on the parents how the teenager will be able to adapt to the new state, survive changes and enter a new level of development. At the same time, it is important to understand that the methods that adults used to raise a small child are completely unsuitable for a teenager. Parents need to change their minds in time and learn to hear and understand their son.

In addition, the character of a fourteen-year-old boy has already been practically formed under the influence of school, friends, social environment and, of course, parents.

Even if family relationships were good, a boy at this age still needs to establish himself among his peers. At this time, he needs his father's support more than ever.

Adult men often make the mistake of trying to impose their vision of the world on their son.

Let's give an example.

The father believes that the boy should be courageous and strong; his peers should not only respect him, but also be afraid of him. But his son is soft, he doesn’t want to defend his rightness with his fists, and he likes dancing more than boxing.

The father is sure that he raised a “weakling”, and at every successful opportunity he reminds his son that he thinks about him. Despite his own preferences, the boy really wants to earn his dad's approval, and by adolescence he begins to unconsciously look for a company of peers that will help him become what his father wants him to be. Crimes, aggression, bad habits will become obligatory companions of this period. After all, the son doesn’t know how else he can become an adult and courageous, the way his dad wants him to be.

The other extreme in the improper upbringing of boys of this age is the complete indifference of parents to the fate of their son and permissiveness. The boy feels lonely, unwanted. He either withdraws into himself or shows aggression, trying to attract attention to himself.

Therefore, it is very important for parents at this time to choose the right position based on trust and support for their growing son. The time has come to recognize his right to his own opinion and conscious actions, and also to replace the word “education” with “cooperation”.

Communication with peers

A teenage boy is increasingly drawn to his peers.
He sees an opportunity to assert himself only in the company of friends. Everything is important to him now: how they will think of him, what they will say and how his friends will react to his actions. Moreover, he feels confident among “equals”: his friends have the same problems and, most importantly, they understand the teenager. At least that's what he thinks. It is very important for parents to unobtrusively control who their son communicates with and when. At the same time, under no circumstances should you speak negatively about your friends in front of your child: this will only lead to the teenager withdrawing into himself and stopping talking about his company.

Control and trust are a difficult combination, but they are necessary in the process of raising a boy. The fact is that for a teenager, as we have already said, the opinion of peers is very important. Therefore, he will try in every possible way to gain authority in their eyes. It’s good if a guy has his own opinion and is able to express it in the company. But more often than not, the boy will adapt to the rules of his community, trying to look like an adult.

A teenager may start trying cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs not because he wants vivid sensations, but because his friends think it’s “cool.”

In addition, in such teenage groups there is a clear division of roles. It’s good if your son is among the “respected and authoritative guys.” If the boy is unlucky, and he is considered a friend and they hone their wit and often strong-arm techniques on him, it is very important to support your son, help and guide him along the right path. Not only will he try with all his might to gain authority (and since he did not succeed in this in the usual ways, criminal “exploits” may be used), adults need to, if possible, protect the boy from bullying and ridicule.

This can only be done when the son trusts adults so much that he is able to share this serious problem with them. But, unfortunately, parents not only do not help growing boys, but they also often find themselves completely unaware of what is happening in their lives.

Search for authority

Any boy at the age of fourteen will be looking for someone to look up to. It may seem strange, but parents can choose such a person for their son themselves. Moreover, with the right approach, the teenager will not even guess who contributed to such a necessary acquaintance for him.

A football coach, a gym instructor, the head of a tourism group, a close family friend who was able to independently achieve success in business - this list can be listed endlessly. Believe me, your son will listen with trepidation to the advice of these people if they are given on a friendly note.

Of course, this does not mean that you just point your finger at the right person and tell your son that from now on he must imitate him. Getting to know an authoritative person should begin gradually, with stories about the man’s merits and merits. It is important that the boy himself feels the need to communicate and reaches out to an adult. And then you can be sure that the life values of an adult will gradually pass on to the teenager.

It may seem strange that the search for authority should be sought outside. Indeed, in many families, fathers sincerely want to take part in the upbringing process and worry about their son no less than the mother. However, the specifics of age require confirmation of the truths that were instilled in the guy from childhood. It is important for him to figure out whether his parents’ statements were correct and whether they can be used in his own life.

Your son needs a friend, an adult companion who does not consider him a child and is able to talk to him as an equal.

Important advice for parents

Of course, no one can give unambiguous recommendations on how to raise a teenager correctly. Not even the most titled professor of pedagogy and psychology can answer your troubling questions about a guy’s growing up. He can’t for one reason: it’s your son, and only you, the people who

gave him life, you know all the boy’s advantages and disadvantages. Based on the characteristics of your son’s character and temperament, you should use general recommendations not in their “pure” form, as they are presented in the sources, but in the way they are acceptable for your child.

Education begins from early childhood, and not from the age of fourteen: by this time the guy’s character is practically formed;
Prepare the boy for the changes that will occur in his body in advance: have confidential conversations on the topic of puberty and communication with peers;
Show by your own example of family life what the relationship between a man and a woman should be like;
Don’t “stifle” your son with excessive care; give him the opportunity to make his own decisions:
Respect his choice, be it a hairstyle, a friend or a hobby;
Let the boy feel like a man: trust him with responsible housework, consult on important family issues;
Find a worthy example for your son that he can imitate;
Be proud of the guy’s achievements, support him during failures;
Become a friend for the boy: let him feel that his parents are nearby in any situation;
Never insult your son! Humiliation will only lead to alienation and a growing chasm of misunderstanding;
Love a growing man the way only parents can do: sincerely and selflessly;
Don't forget to tell your son about your love. Believe me, your prickly “hedgehog” still really wants to hear words of tenderness and feel your hugs.

Raising a teenager correctly is not easy. But thousands of families have successfully completed this task. And you can do it too. Be patient, show love and understanding, and in a few years you will look with pride at your son, who will definitely become a real man.

Raising a boy in a single-parent family

The boy forms a model of masculine behavior based on the example of his father. In an incomplete family, where women are involved in raising the boy, the teenager does not have a model on which he could rely. A woman should know how to raise a teenager without a father.

Advice from a psychologist on the peculiarities of raising a 13-year-old boy without a father

You need to organize communication with some man. Let him be a frequent visitor. This could be a relative, or just an acquaintance. It is useful to watch films where masculine qualities are clearly expressed. Tell the boy about the biographies of famous men; if he starts to become interested, look for books for more detailed information. At the age of 13, it is extremely important for a teenager to have authority. Do not speak ill of the child’s father in front of him, even if he really did something bad.

The mistake some women make is an overly strict upbringing. The boy will get used to a subordinate position and may become dependent in adulthood. You need to take your child's opinion seriously. You can’t make fun of his actions; teenagers are very vulnerable. If a boy invites a girl from his class to the cinema, you should not condescendingly call him “groom.” A woman should be as delicate as possible when communicating with her son.

If you raise a boy correctly, even in an incomplete family a worthy man with the right guidelines will grow up.

How to raise teenagers: useful tips

Adolescence is a difficult time for both teenagers and parents. Parents who think they have the sweetest and most obedient children change their minds when the child becomes a teenager.

What changes at this age? A lot of things! During adolescence, a child experiences significant physical and hormonal changes, which can leave parents confused. However, they have the power to make this age more fun and less chaotic. To do this, you should follow certain recommendations.

Understanding the characteristics of adolescence

The fact is that puberty and adolescence are not the same thing. Puberty is associated with physical changes: the development of primary sexual characteristics, the onset of menstruation in girls and the growth of facial hair in boys. Adolescence is a period when a teenager experiences emotional and mental changes. Raising a teenager at this age can be challenging for parents.

As a child enters adolescence, he also reaches puberty. He's going through a lot of changes and it can be scary for him. Trying to accept these changes, a teenager may not show his best side. He begins to behave differently, communicate with parents and other people.

The behavior of a teenager is his reaction to age-related changes. Your behavior with a “disobedient and stubborn” teenager is your reaction to his behavior. And that's the only thing you can control in this situation.

Yes, your teenager will act on your nerves and test your patience. And parents, as adults, must do the right thing in order to get the necessary response from their teenager.

How to Raise Teenage Boys and Girls

Let's look at a few recommendations on how to raise a teenager without allowing conflicts.

1. Talk to your child

If you talk to a teenager and you can get more from them than one-word answers, that's a success. A conversation with a teenager can turn into a heated argument at any moment. If disagreements do not occur constantly, this situation is quite normal. So, make sure you don't argue with your child too often.

Listen to what the teenager says. He has his own opinion, and he has the right to it. Respect his views whether you agree with them or not. Listen more than you talk: this will help you understand what is going on with your teenager.
Teenagers spend more time with friends than with family. Therefore, try to plan more time for joint activities or communication. Talk to your teen to learn about his interests, hobbies, and other details of his life. Don't try to force him to talk. Trust him - this is the only way you can win his trust. And when a teenager trusts you, he will share his thoughts with you.
Teens need privacy and space as they become more independent. Respect your teen's privacy and give them space, but be aware of what your child is doing and where they are—you are still their parents, after all.
Your teenager may be annoying. But at the same time, he needs your love and affection. Show your love, as it is the feeling of it that will help the teenager get through this difficult period. Show your love through actions, not just words. Do what is best for your teen, what will make him happy and help him achieve his dreams.
Have fun together. Yes, you will have arguments and unpleasant moments, but the rest of the time you can have fun. Do things that bring you both pleasure.

Teenagers strive for independence and don't like it if you make decisions for them. Therefore, involve your child in joint decision-making. As a result, you may make a decision that the teenager will not like, but he will know that his opinion is taken into account. Thanks to this, you will be able to gain the child's trust, and he will share his thoughts with you.

What to avoid when communicating with a teenager

yelling at your teenager or being pushy to get him to do something;
showing excessive concern in the presence of his friends;
argue with him about everything simply because you are a parent.

A teenager is already half an adult, and all he needs is a little guidance from you. Telling him what he should and shouldn't do is a bad idea. But communication with him and your wise advice can work. Therefore, communicate more with your teenager.

2. Become a friend to your teenager

Become a friend to a teenager, but at the same time remain parents. Your teen wants you to hear and understand without judging him. Listen to him, support him, have fun together, respect each other. In other words, your teenager should feel comfortable enough to start sharing everything that’s on his or her heart with you.

However, sometimes you will have to limit the child and act from the position of a parent. It is quite normal to refuse something to a teenager, but don’t let it become a habit. By prohibiting too much, you become exactly the kind of parent that teenagers hate.

3. Sex, lies and alcohol

When communicating with teenagers, you have to deal with sensitive topics such as sex, alcohol and drugs. Most teenagers are afraid to discuss such topics with their parents. They prefer to talk about it with their friends or classmates. And to avoid such conversations with you, a teenager may resort to lies.

Sex, drugs and alcohol can easily tempt a teenager. Let's look at some tips on how to cope with such situations without leading to conflicts.

Let's talk about sex

Both teenagers and their parents have a hard time talking about sex. But, if you think you need to talk about this topic, do so. It may be easy to talk about sex with a 16-year-old, but it's worth doing it earlier. Since teenagers don't like their parents telling them what to do, start a conversation and gently answer their questions. The teenager will feel that you heard him and will become open to what you say to him.

When you listen to your teenager without judging, it will be easier for him to talk about his fears or the experience of unhappy love. You can help him understand the concepts of pre-teen sex, teen pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases.

Before you start talking to your teen about sex, make sure you are prepared for it. Let him know that sex is not taboo. This will make it easier for your child to talk to you. Be careful not to make the conversation awkward.

One glass of beer never ends the matter

Underage children drink alcohol, and this is a problem. Before it arises, talk to your teen about it. Focus on the problems that alcohol use can cause and its impact on your teen's performance, behavior and mood. You need to instill in your child responsibility for his actions.

Tell your child about the benefits and harms of alcohol. Explain that drinking with friends as an adult is normal, but drinking too much is bad;
engage in dialogue to give your child the opportunity to ask you questions and share their opinions;
ask your teenager what he already knows about alcohol and whether he has already tried it;
talk about the dangers of drunk driving;
Set rules for drinking alcohol for your teenager and consequences if he breaks them;
Teach your teenager to refuse if someone offers him a drink.

First of all, tell your teen that if he needs help, he can always count on you. All he has to do is call you and you will come to his aid.

"Just One Puff" Can Become a Habit

For a teenager, the first cigarette is an adventure. He just wants to experience new sensations. But when it comes to drugs, the matter may not end there. The teenager will want to try them again and again until he realizes that he has become addicted. To prevent this from happening, follow these recommendations:

If you don’t know anything about teenage addictions, study this issue. Find out as much as you can about how a teen may become addicted to drugs;
be attentive to signs such as mood swings, sudden attacks of aggression, loss of appetite, constant fatigue, etc.;
Tell your teenager that there are criminal penalties for possession and distribution of drugs. This could greatly affect his future;

If you have any suspicions about your child's behavior, use your authority to prevent your son or daughter from engaging in bad habits.

4. Be smart about disputes

Almost every conversation with a teenager can turn into an argument. Therefore, you need to talk from the perspective of an adult and avoid unnecessary arguments. Think about what is important to you and what you should just put up with. The cause for concern could be something that will have lifelong consequences (for example, if a teenager wants to get a tattoo or piercing). But if a teenager just doesn’t clean his room or dyes his hair a different color, don’t worry. If you control his every action, he will think that you are nagging him. And this will not help you improve communication.

5. Meet your teen's friends

What a teenager is most interested in is relationships. During adolescence, a child makes attempts to build strong friendships that can last throughout life. At this age, teenagers are also exploring romantic relationships.

You may not like your child's friends. You may think that they are a bad influence on him. However, you should not forbid a teenager to communicate with anyone, believing that such friends are not suitable for him. It will only push you further away. If you want your child to talk openly with you about his relationship and consult with you, be open yourself and do not criticize him.

Meet your child's friends. Invite them to dinner. Perhaps over time you will even like them. At the very least, your teen will understand that you are trying to accept their social circle. If you truly believe that someone is a bad influence on your child, talk to them and explain your position.

6. Set rules

When it comes to raising children, rules are necessary. Reasonable parenting is based on a set of clearly defined, reasonable rules and consequences for breaking them. Make sure children know the rules and understand the consequences of not following them. The most important thing is to be consistent in setting the rules. Both you and your spouse should be on the same page about adhering to these rules, so discuss the rules with your spouse.

It is important to understand that rules are about establishing a framework within which a teenager can explore the world around him without harming himself.

7. Teach your teenager responsibility

Your child, who until recently was small, has now grown up and become a teenager. Deal with it. Now he is not as helpless as before, and is not completely dependent on you. And that's okay. Even if you don't like it, you have to accept that soon the child won't need your help. You shouldn’t be angry because your child is stubborn; it’s better to teach him responsibility.

Critical thinking and decision making are important aspects of responsibility. You must teach your teenager to take responsibility not only for himself, but also for his family and his environment. Some ways to do this are to give him responsibilities around the house or help him find a part-time job. A teenager must understand one thing - he is always responsible for his actions and behavior. He must be a good role model and take responsibility for his actions.

8. Don't rely on technology

Today, almost all teenagers use smartphones and have profiles on social networks. The reality is that we all need electronic technology to make our lives easier. If you give your child a smartphone, you can track his whereabouts. But at the same time, the child may be constantly distracted by a smartphone, laptop or tablet. Allowing your teenager to use gadgets is fine, but you shouldn't let them become jealous of them.

You should set rules for the use of smartphones, laptops and other electronic devices. Help your teen balance the time they spend online and in the real world.

9. Create an action plan

Wherever your teenager is - at a party, in a company, or at a friend's house - he should always be in touch with you. Even if it is 2 am, he should call you. If he finds himself in a difficult situation and does not have the opportunity to get home, even more so.

However, your teen may not like you imposing rules on them, even if they are reasonable. Therefore, you should make a plan together and let your teen voice a few of his suggestions. Thus, he will make his own decisions under your guidance.

At the same time, it is important to refuse manipulation. Teenagers are smart enough to notice this. Without neglecting manipulation, you risk losing your teenager's trust.

How to raise teenage girls

Not all teenagers are the same. Teenage girls are different from boys, although they have many similarities. Let's look at some additional tips on how to raise teenage girls.

10. Build toughness in your daughter.

Yes, we treat our little daughters like princesses. Why not raise your daughter to be a strong, cheerful and honest princess? Focus on character, not appearance. Most often, parents instinctively try to protect their little girl from a bad world. It's your job to protect your children, but understand that you can't always do it. And if your daughter sometimes faces challenges that make her stronger, that's normal.

Your daughter will learn to cope with difficult emotions such as grief, pain, sadness, jealousy and anger as she experiences them. Let her deal with quarrels, conflicts with peers and similar life troubles on her own.

Your task is to prepare your daughter for adulthood. If she has any problems, talk to her about it. Discuss possible solutions, but let her make the final decision. Remember that her decision may be different from yours. Support her, but in such a way as not to harm her.

11. Develop self-confidence in your daughter

Nothing can stop a confident woman. Develop confidence in your daughter from an early age. This way you will help her achieve her dreams. However, always differentiate between self-confidence and overconfidence. A girl must understand that she can achieve anything, but understand her capabilities and limitations.

Teach your daughter to take reasonable risks. If she fails sometimes, that's okay. She must understand that she does not need to be perfect.

12. Talk to your daughter about relationships.

You can't protect your daughter from romantic relationships or stop her from dating boys. However, you can talk to her about her relationships - boys, dating, kissing, sex, etc. But don't try to tell everything at once.

Tips for raising teenage boys

13. Talk to your son about girls

Mothers are always proud when they see that girls like their son. But for this to happen, you must instill in him respect for women. Teenage boys are interested in girls and exploring their own sexuality.

Before your son gets overwhelmed by hormones, talk to him about girls and sex.

14. It ’s okay emotions

We were constantly fed the idea that boys don't cry. Although teenagers are emotionally vulnerable, they are reluctant to express their feelings because society expects them to be strong rather than sensitive. Repressed emotions are dangerous and can lead to breakdowns. In addition, suppressing emotions is unhealthy.

Explain to your son that it is normal to show your emotions. Encourage all his emotions - love, anger, happiness, sadness, etc. Explain that even crying is normal for boys.

15. Give your teen space.

Although your son is not yet a man in the full sense of the word, he still needs his place. Sometimes he wants to be alone. Give him space to do this. Unlike girls, boys don't always want to share their thoughts or feelings. Respect your son's privacy - for example, always knock before entering his room.

16. Talk to your teen about shaving.

Hormonal changes during adolescence cause boys to develop facial hair. This may confuse him because he doesn't know what to do about it. Ask your spouse to talk to your son about good hygiene. If you are raising your son yourself, ask one of your male relatives or family friends to do the same. In any case, the boy should know that he has support.

What not to do when raising a teenager

1. Setting unreasonable expectations

Children need to set rules. But they don't have to be unrealistic. Expectations from a child are only good if they are realistic. You should not expect your child not to make mistakes. Think back to a time when you were going through adolescence and look at things from that perspective.

2. Expect the worst

If you've read a lot of parenting books, you can expect bad behavior from your teenager in advance. Should not be doing that. Teenagers are not as bad as people think. It may be difficult for a teenager because parents do not know how to deal with his behavior.

Raising a teenager is difficult if you think negatively. Be positive, empathize and support your teen. This way he will have no reason to behave badly.

3. Trying to “cope” with a teenager

Your teen is a person, not a situation that needs to be “dealt with.” Treat your teen with respect and help him deal with his problems and difficulties. Become a support for him and do not try to control him - otherwise there is a high probability of confrontation.

4. Thinking that the child is your property

Many parents treat their children as property. As a result, parenting becomes even more difficult. When you make decisions for your child, he doesn't like it. Talk to him about his future, about his life and allow him to make his own decisions. This will make him feel important and become more responsible.

5. Treat your teenager like a helpless child.

Children grow up quickly. The time will come when your teenager will be able to do without your help completely. Understand that your child is not helpless. Don't try to do for him what he can do on his own.

Teenagers are independent and do not want to be treated like little children. So treating a 15 year old the same as a 5 year old is not a good idea.

Raising teenagers is not an easy journey, full of trial and error. Follow the tips above and the process will be easier than you think.

How to get a teenager interested

The leading activity of adolescents is communication with peers. So that this communication is not limited to one company in the yard, you need to help him organize his leisure time.

The best option is sports. Sports activities smooth out the difficulties of adolescence. It is best to leave the choice of activity to the teenager. They should be fun. There are restrictions for some sports; you need to go to your pediatrician for a consultation.

In addition to leisure activities related to physical activity, you can get a boy interested in hiking, the basics of programming, robotics, and video filming. At the same time, do not forget that despite the apparent independence, the teenager copies his parents. Lead an active, rich life; your child will not only be proud of you, but will also strive to live up to it.

Signs

Some teenagers have no or mild symptoms of the 13-year-old crisis, while others experience a dramatic change in behavior.

Relationships with others:

conflict;
opposing oneself to everyone else;
hostility;
priority is communication with peers (they run away from home, do not want to spend time with their family);
passion for virtual communication;
desire for loneliness, isolation from people (they lock themselves in their room and sit there for several hours);
confidential heart-to-heart conversations with one or two favorites chosen from the environment.

Behavior:

emotional imbalance;
frequent violations of discipline and prohibitions (refuse to perform household duties);
mood swings;
hot temper, impulsiveness;
dissatisfaction, irritation, gloominess.

Internal state:

increased level of anxiety, restlessness;
diffidence;
internal complexes;
increased demands on yourself (especially on your appearance);
low self-esteem;
restructuring of the value system;
thoughts of suicide;
intrapersonal conflicts;
intensive development of self-reflection;
increased sensitivity to criticism;
keeping a personal diary.

Cognitive abilities:

development of abstract logical thinking;
mechanical execution of exercises according to a given scheme is maintained at a high level, but not everyone copes with creative tasks (write an essay, develop a project);
passion for music, philosophy, psychology, romance novels and adventures;
decrease in educational indicators;
change of hobbies and interests.

Age psychology calls negativism the main new development of the 13-year-old crisis. The teenager perceives everything that happens, everyone around him and himself in a black light, negatively and constantly criticizes. This is due to the formation of self-reflection: he begins to evaluate his own abilities, personal qualities, shortcomings and opportunities against the background of others.

According to statistics, in 20% of cases, teenage negativism is acutely and painfully manifested by uncontrolled emotional outbursts in almost all areas of life. In this case, the child may completely drop out of the family or school for several weeks or months. In 20% of children it is completely absent. 60% of 13-year-olds are potential negativists. They begin to object and conflict only in response to a challenge from the outside (unfair grades from a teacher, betrayal of a friend, excessive prohibitions and restrictions in the family).