What to do if your husband cheats? For themselves, the male population of the planet came up with a fairy tale about the polygamy of the sons of Adam, which for thousands of years they have been enthusiastically trying to bring into reality. Without realizing that the concept of polygamy directly means polygamy, which is legally prohibited in most countries, and not the desire to possess the largest possible number of beautiful women for self-affirmation, maintaining and increasing authority among “males” or because of the desire to dominate in an aggressive environment of “strong men” " After all, when a man does not run furtively to the left and does not have affairs on the side, he is considered a weakling, who is contemptuously called “heel.”
What to do if your husband cheats and deceives? First, it is recommended to analyze what happened and understand what events caused it to happen. Analysis of the sad situation will further contribute to the approval of the only correct solution and liberation from the severity of the problem. As a rule, psychologists count three fundamental options for getting out of the resulting plight of family relationships when the husband cheats, namely to come to terms, simply create an appearance called “nothing happened”; truly forgive and let go, or fight for the heart of your loved one.
How to define betrayal?
There are several main signs by which you can determine whether your husband has another woman:
- devotes a lot of time to appearance, buys new clothes, uses perfume;
- behavior changes (joy, good mood);
- playing sports;
- blames his wife even for small things;
- gives gifts to make amends.
If the betrayal became known to the wife, at first she does not fully understand the act, especially if everything was fine in the family. The reasons that prompted this action may be different. Often this is due to routine, when there are no new sexual sensations with your spouse . Men cheat for self-affirmation if something in life does not work out. Usually, having a mistress increases your own self-esteem.
Other reasons for cheating include:
- accident: one-time betrayal with a lonely woman;
- revenge: when a man found out about his wife’s infidelity;
- social status: in some families such behavior is the norm;
- cooling of relations with the spouse: when there is no mutual understanding in the family;
- walking friends: if comrades are unfaithful to their wives;
- temptation: when lured by another woman.
Whatever the reason for this act, it is difficult for a woman to survive her husband’s betrayal. She is looking for a way out of this situation.
The spouse may experience this event, but forgive in order to save the family. Many women manage to pretend that they don't know anything. Divorce after infidelity is not uncommon.
Think about what these memories want to tell you
You remember your husband’s betrayal for a reason. Not because you are a bad person and are unable to forgive your partner or do not want to save the marriage. Most likely, your feelings are trying to tell you that some issues remain unresolved and that your relationship needs more attention. For example, your sex life has become too bland or your husband is constantly in conflict with his daughter, and you are forced to be torn between them, as if between two fires. If you continue to ignore these warning signs, your unconscious mind will send them again and again.
Technique 3: Return to the journal entries that your inner voice dictated to you. Once you've filtered out the exaggerations, you're left with some pretty straightforward problems. For example, balancing work and home life; go out somewhere together, because you haven’t done this even once in the last couple of months. Once you've figured out what the memories are telling you, it's only logical to take practical steps to solve these problems. For example, turn off your phone after 9 pm or book a table at your favorite restaurant.
Way out
Many women decide to undergo divorce proceedings after their husbands cheat on them. For many spouses, this is the best solution. But still, many families are preserved so that children grow up with their father. Probably the reason for this action is love, which remains even after several years of living together.
In this situation, the reason for such an action is important. If this is due to momentary weakness, then forgiveness is possible. When this happens all the time, women don't have to endure it. Often it is men who file for divorce because they are so attracted to their new girlfriends.
Not every woman is able to forgive betrayal. Although she will pretend that she has forgiven, she will actually feel something completely different. As a result, the family will still not look prosperous. If forgiveness occurs, then it must be from the heart, otherwise the couple will not be reunited. The relationship will deteriorate, and the situation may repeat itself.
Not all wives can pretend that nothing happened, but sometimes such cases happen. As psychologists say, such behavior is undesirable. Resentment will accumulate, and someday the relationship will deteriorate anyway, and this will be followed by divorce. There is no need to keep emotions to yourself, as this can lead to mental illness. This situation requires patience and courage.
If we think logically, we can conclude that there is no betrayal in happy families. Perhaps a divorce procedure due to the husband’s infidelity will be the best way out of this situation. Although men are the stronger sex, they are psychologically weaker than women. If sincere repentance has occurred, then you should decide to reconcile. The wife should consider getting back together if she really wants it.
Is it necessary to forgive your husband’s infidelity: the opinion of a psychologist
Is it possible to forgive your husband's betrayal? The psychologist's answer will vary depending on a number of circumstances and the attitude of the spouse towards him. Many experts believe that adultery is eligible for forgiveness in the following situations:
- The betrayal was accidental (one-time) in nature and was provoked by the husband’s long stay on a business trip or by an excessive dose of alcohol drunk at a party.
- The man sincerely repents of his offense and wants to make amends at all costs.
- Having common children. Divorce has the most negative impact on the psyche of a minor child. However, the constant scandals of parents due to jealousy pose a serious danger to children.
- The betrayal occurred out of jealousy or revenge.
A psychologist's advice on how to survive a man's betrayal is not to overreact to this unpleasant event. For most women, cheating causes outbursts of rage and outbursts of anger, but it's worth waiting for them to subside. A deep, long exhalation helps cool down the intensity of emotions. In the future, you should not suppress the surging feelings of disappointment and resentment in yourself, but it is strongly not recommended to cultivate pity towards yourself.
Sincere forgiveness for the fact of betrayal is necessary for the woman herself, since the cocktail of anger, resentment and disappointment is very destructive and can lead to the development of chronic diseases. It is important to accept the full range of negative feelings associated with your husband’s betrayal and admit to yourself that you are confused and angry. Only after this you need to take steps to quickly get rid of the blues and restore mental comfort.
What to do if your husband doesn't leave?
There are often cases when husbands themselves want to divorce. But there are also opposite situations when the spouse does not want to leave the family. This suits him, especially when there are no scandals about cheating. This relationship is also not normal. All this can go on for a long time as long as the wife has patience. In such a situation, she will have to file for divorce.
Whatever the reason for the divorce, it is necessary to file for divorce. No matter how difficult it may be, especially if the spouse is not aware of his wrong actions. Sometimes a husband does not file for divorce when he is not completely sure of his mistress. This state of affairs should not be tolerated, it is necessary to get a divorce. A woman just needs to get through this moment, and it will be easier to start a new life.
How to tell your husband about your divorce?
When it has been decided to get a divorce, there is no need to delay the process. First, you should talk with your spouse and tell them about your plans. It is necessary to draw the conclusion that there is no point in saving the family. Just don’t resort to insults, otherwise you won’t be able to reach an agreement until the end. Usually, after conversations, men realize their wrong behavior.
If this method did not allow you to tell your husband the news of the divorce, then you will have to use other options. Just don’t repeat the petty dirty tricks that women are usually prone to when they hate. It is necessary to experience the presence of your spouse. He must realize that the old family will no longer exist. Food is prepared for the children; their laundry is not used.
A man must understand that a woman can also arrange her personal life. When these methods don't work, some wives push their husband's things out the door. But such actions are considered drastic. This should not be done if the husband is the owner of the home. It is best to solve this problem in a peaceful way without ruining each other's lives.
Psychologist's adviceWhat to do if you find out about your partner's betrayal?
There are no universal solutions, but there is a universal path to decision making - and this, again, is communication. Even if you didn’t agree this way, still gather your strength and try to discuss what, why and how happened between you. Never make decisions rashly, think everything over carefully, if you don’t understand something, ask for the fifth or tenth time, but most importantly, refrain from blaming and calling names and try to maintain a reasonable dialogue at all costs. There must be some prerequisites for betrayal to occur, and with an honest discussion you will be able to identify them.
One of the frequent prerequisites leading to betrayal is not sexual dissatisfaction at all, but emotional dissatisfaction. Let's say your relationship is long-term and you are used to each other. You stop laughing at your partner’s jokes or, wrinkling your nose, avoid kisses. Perhaps you just don’t find time to listen to him, or fool around, or hug him. Often, when some cooling occurs, the more emotional partner begins to feel a certain emptiness, dislike, lack of something, and if circumstances arise in which someone appears who can provide him with this return, then he may well be gradually seduced by such a prospect. This is where an important point arises, thanks to which all this can be prevented. Mature people between whom there is trust, instead of looking for closure on the outside, will first try to talk and, perhaps, even ask for the attention that is missing. This is actually very difficult - it is important to just be able to ask. But since many associate such an action with humiliation, then perhaps the moment was missed and betrayal occurred.
In this situation, the very fact of betrayal means an attempt to save the relationship rather than destroy it, but to save it in such a clumsy way. But what to do after that is up to you. It is important to understand that this fact will not resolve, will not go away and, most likely, will emerge periodically. If a promise is broken, regardless of the motive behind the deed, the consequence will be a loss of trust. If you are also jealous, then this will add an eternal wound to you every day. If you understand that you cannot live with this, despite the feelings and many good things that happened, if you understand that it will eat you up from the inside, then it is better not to hesitate and break up before you completely hate each other. But if you are ready to come to terms with this, accept the mistake, making it a lesson for yourself, change in some way in order to prevent new voids from arising in your partner, then your couple has a good chance of coming out of this mess battered, but at the same time more mature and wise.
Ways to keep your husband
There may be another situation. The husband wants a divorce, but the wife does not want to let him go because she can forgive the betrayal. Such a woman is ready to endure humiliation, which is why she may look within herself for the reasons for the action. Although this is not entirely the right decision, many find it difficult to cope with separation.
The wife has a way out - to be better than her husband’s new lover. If he was attracted to her, then there was something special about her. He probably liked his appearance or character traits. The wife needs to look at herself in the mirror. If, due to everyday problems, a woman begins to take less care of herself, then this must be corrected. You need to go to a beauty salon and buy stylish things. The new look is of great importance.
How to get through the breakup stage?
Women sometimes don’t know how to survive betrayal and divorce. They believe that life ends here, since nothing around them makes them happy. They don’t understand how they can go through this stage more calmly. The most important thing is peace of mind, so it is important to get your soap in order. In a hysterical state, it will not be possible to sensibly assess the situation.
When a husband cheats on his wife, it causes great hurt. But you need to understand what actions could lead to this. Often you can find a reason in them. When a husband decides to divorce, the wife should not blame herself for everything. Time will help you get through this period. Gradually, the improvement of life will be noticeable.
Often, long-term family life continues out of habit, so it makes no sense to continue it. To get through this period, you need to unwind, and not be completely alone. A great solution would be to meet with friends, visit your parents, or go on a regular trip. It is likely that after some time the spouse will get tired of his life and will want to return to the family. Or it may be that the woman does not want to return to him. In any case, divorce is not a reason for despair, since after this you can start a new life.
What exactly should you not do?
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- A big mistake is constant crying and “snot”, an unhappy face every day, blaming the husband for all the troubles, talking about the past, scandals and hysterics. All this will not lead to anything good. Now you only need to think about how life will be built further. Try to talk about the future . Speak calmly, with dignity and reason. Don’t look for someone to blame for what happened, act smartly - improve your relationship if you want to preserve it. But in any case, any decision, even separation and divorce, should not be made in the “fire”; it is important to make it with a clear head and without unnecessary emotions.
- Under no circumstances do you take revenge by cheating in return ; this will not help anyone, but will only worsen the general state of affairs and your mental health.
- Do not nag your husband or make rude reproaches towards him. Men very often start relationships on the side because of boring life. At home they only hear everyday conversations about banal problems (rent, buying food, clothes, etc.), but with a woman on the side you can simply be a desirable man who doesn’t need anything except himself.
- Give a man everything he asks for in sex . Unsatisfied sexual desires are sometimes the main reason for going to the left in search of what you want. And if everything you want is at home, then why go somewhere?
- Master belly dancing and periodically have a romantic dinner followed by a striptease and all the ensuing consequences. Believe me, even after going on a business trip to another city, your loved one will remember such evenings and look forward to returning home.
Whatever you decide, remember the old but timeless proverb - “Whatever is done is for the better.” It is important to understand that you can save your family and relationships only if you are absolutely sure that you will never remember this betrayal and reproach your husband from time to time. But you shouldn’t forget about this, otherwise you risk experiencing a repeat of what you’ve gone through. Keep yourself in good shape, love yourself, take care of your loved one and respect him, then you will calmly live together until your golden wedding, which is all you can wish for!
Cheating wife
It's not only women who face this problem. It is also very difficult for a husband after his wife’s betrayal, especially if he was not ready for it. In such situations, advice from a psychologist is required. You should not blame yourself, nor should you blame your spouse. While they both may not be perfect, blaming them won't help. It is necessary to decide how to continue living.
If a woman cheated, this is her conscious step, which depends on her character and personal preferences. You should not get excited, because during such a period people commit rash acts. It is necessary to calm down, put your thoughts in order, and also decide whether there will be forgiveness. Whatever the solution, a return to emotional stability is necessary. After reflection, you will be able to calmly consider the situation.
You should not avoid communicating with your spouse. It is necessary to talk and find out the reasons for her behavior. Often women are pushed to cheat by sports interest, mental anguish, and emotional dissatisfaction. Dialogue is needed to continue a normal life, so that resentment does not accumulate. Psychologists believe that about 3 to 4 conversations may be required.
Although betrayal is difficult to survive, it is still possible. With the help of a psychologist's advice, this will be easier. You should also consult a specialist in case of reconciliation in order to preserve the relationship. Whatever the couple's decision, life continues to move on.
Will the pain of betrayal go away?
Let me use a metaphor. Its simplicity should not be offensive, because many complex phenomena (including feelings and emotions) obey simple laws of nature.
If you recently had a tooth pulled out, it may remind you of itself for a long time. You take painkillers, go to the “dressing”, but you understand that this is how it should be, this is a natural process of wound healing.
Same with memories of betrayal.
During a consultation, a psychologist might ask you to scream about your pain, or to portray it. This and any other method is considered “bandaging”.
When it starts to “sick,” what can you do except wait out the attack or relieve yourself of the pain?
The most annoying thing is that it is not clear when this will go away, will it go away at all?
It will pass. If you “don’t pick.” If you don’t indulge your whim, you will “suffer.” That’s it, you’ve already cried, suffered, and worked through your trauma with a psychologist. They often say: “You have to cry for yourself.” You've already cried. This means the wound is starting to heal. Things will get better soon. You can read even more about the pain after betrayal in the article I can’t forget betrayal - what to do?
