“The main thing in a man is his eyes, if anyone is against it, then I’m personally for it”
This paraphrase of one of the songs of the Leningrad group will allow us to dispel a certain myth regarding the entire stronger sex. Some women sometimes ask their friends and specialists: “Is it true that men love with their eyes?” This is actually a difficult question.
If a man loves only with his eyes, then such a relationship is doomed to be short-lived. Why? Well, because almost every girl can cheat. The question is whether it is worth relying only on the visual image when choosing a partner.
Men love with their eyes - what does that really mean?
You, of course, have heard the expression “a man loves with his eyes.” But how do you really understand what it means?
The fact is that by nature it is in men to pay attention to women’s appearance. Such a reaction is absolutely normal and healthy - when a curvy girl in a short skirt and cleavage walks by, and a man turns around. In addition, many men will definitely want to meet such a beauty. This means that we can say that a man’s reaction to a woman depends on the visual impression.
It is a woman’s appearance that captivates men. But intelligence, modesty, hard work and decency are certainly important, but they do not make such a colossal impression.
In men, the image of a woman is associated with the mother, because it was the mother in childhood who was an example of the entire feminine principle, an example of respect, femininity, etc. All his life a man feels the need for female praise and approval; in order to achieve success, he absolutely needs it.
We found out that men care about a woman’s beauty and well-groomed appearance; her appearance should delight her. But what about, for example, slightly overweight women who are far from ideal? In fact, a woman’s natural attractiveness is 50% of success, the remaining 50% is her work, working on herself. Fitness, pedicure, manicure, makeup, hairstyle, stylish clothes, etc. To please a man, you need to take care of yourself, and not scroll through social networks all day long, admiring and at the same time envying beauties. There is no need to spare time and money on yourself, then you will delight men in any case. Take care of yourself, no matter what your appearance is.
But you should also not think that when talking about what men love with their eyes, we are talking exclusively about appearance. We need to dig a little deeper. Men don’t necessarily love only beautiful women, because everyone has their own idea of beauty. Some like thin women, some like plump women, some like young women, some with visible age-related changes in appearance, some like fair women, some like brunettes. There is no single ideal that would appeal to absolutely every man.
A woman's appearance forms a man's first impression
But it cannot be said that a lady’s exterior means nothing to an ordinary ordinary male. On the contrary, if a girl is ugly, then she is “rejected” at the first stage of interaction with the object (sorry, women). Figuratively speaking, if the door is expensive and beautiful, then there is a temptation to look at what is there in the apartment (or in the house). When the door is shabby and covered with chalk, you don’t want to knock.
True, sometimes there are cases of great deception: behind a poor door there are hidden countless treasures, like Scrooge McDuck, and behind a luxurious castle there is hidden old furniture and a cramped room.
But the vast majority of men really rely on their eyes at the first meeting. If you don’t like a girl or woman outwardly, then, as a rule, there is no desire to go further, even if she is a needlewoman at least three times, an excellent cook, and at night an original philosopher who publishes in the West under a male pseudonym - all this is bypassed. A disappointing answer to the question, do men really love with their eyes and that’s all? Ladies, keep calm and move on.
“Ugly, but there is one point...”
Don’t think badly, but there are very few beautiful people, as well as downright ugly ones. Most people are completely ordinary in appearance. Men's predilection for appearance would be terrible if the question of what a man loves had a clear answer - his eyes.
Then most of the fair half of humanity should fly to Mars. But in reality it happens differently. Sympathy is generally a very complex process. It involves a person’s values and priorities. For some, appearance is important, and for others, intelligence and character are important. Someone chooses a mistress, and someone chooses a wife, respectively, the preferred parameters are different each time. Everything is very complicated when it comes to the question of what a man loves, as we see.
If anyone else thinks that love is a mystery, then he is deeply mistaken. A person (both man and woman) is looking for the best option for himself. Another thing is that people are often captive of certain illusions.
For example, a woman believes that her man - a drug addict and alcoholic - will change, and they will live like in a fairy tale. Time passes, nothing changes. The woman is slowly dying, wasting away in an atmosphere of narcotic fumes. People around you will say: “He loves you, that’s why he doesn’t leave you.” Nonsense. He doesn’t leave because he hopes. And according to Nietzsche’s witty remark: “Hope is the greatest evil, since it prolongs our suffering.” Therefore, there is no need to think about what men love. Each of us is trying to choose an ideal partner as an ally in the fight against life.
Special differences
Of course, I knew that men know how to love with their eyes, but the other day I found out that the stronger and weaker sex, in principle, see the world differently. Men focus on visual objects, while we use all our senses simultaneously to perceive the world.
For the sake of the acclaimed book “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” American neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed a billion search queries on the topic of sex in popular Internet browsers and published interesting findings. Firstly, when choosing a partner, the female brain works much more complexly than the male brain. In order for a man’s brain to trigger sexual desire, only a visual signal is needed, and a woman must determine the full characteristics of the object. Secondly, male sexual motivation is directly related to the “reward system” of the human nervous system and the production of dopamine, the pleasure hormone. In primitive times, the brains of the stronger sex produced very primitive signals and, among other things, were intended to objectify the female, meeting with whom almost guaranteed intercourse. The practical female mind works like a detective agency: it examines and calculates all the qualities of a man, determining whether he deserves attention, and triples this work if the woman feels desired. From an evolutionary point of view, this also makes sense - at the dawn of humanity, the picky female always won, providing protection for herself and her offspring with a reliable partner.
Ogas and Gaddam confirmed that men, in search of visual stimuli that generate or enhance sexual arousal, do not depend on tender feelings and do not seek genuine affection. Literally (and symbolically) the simple fulfillment of male desire is not much different from masturbation: sex for self-gratification. Women are much less excited by erotic illusions than by the prospect of a relationship. We always want drama and passion, as in romance novels, and we easily ignite our imaginations with ridiculous (for men) fantasies - we want the insidious dominant Christian Gray or the blood-sucking, but stupidly in love Edward Cullen.
The male brain is designed in such a way that a certain image can excite it. Every man has a bouquet of fetishes in his head (nipples showing through clothes, graceful wrists, fishnet stockings), which includes libido. It is enough to define a “gentleman’s set” - and you will eat it out of your hands. Among the fairer sex, few acquire such fetishes, and this, as a rule, is not a thing, but a plot, a romantic theme or a famous actor. As an example, the authors of A Billion Wicked Thoughts refer to a list of popular search queries. From men: college cheerleaders, tan girls in bikinis, naked women, big breasts, bachelor party orgy, tips for curbing lust. From women: Michael Fassbender, vampire stories, Benedict Cumberbatch, Cinderella dresses, Orlando Bloom gossip, Doctor Strange, role-playing games. Men's interests are clear, pragmatic and transparent, while women fantasize about unreal stories and screen heroes.
Ogas explains that a man's sexuality is individual, but a woman's is social. Men, by comparison, enjoy watching pornography alone and, unlike women, rarely share their erotic tastes or experiences with friends. Women, on the contrary, constantly exchange stories from their intimate lives, gossip about the sexual adventures of their star idols and adore erotic stories.
And by the way, do you know what men prefer when choosing porn? Naturalness is what the industry calls the beautiful word amateur - stories without a script, filmed in the manner of an amateur video. They love to peep and do not hide it.
Dr. House and Hank Moody on gender relations
Once again we turn to the famous cynics of our time. And let's start, perhaps, with the rebel writer. Hank said that in the first five seconds when a girl sees a guy, she decides what exactly she wants from him: marriage, sex, or kill him on the spot. It seems to us that this certainly deep thought can be extended to men. And the first impression is difficult to interrupt later with something else.
In short, a man scans a woman, looking for charm in the depths of her being. Depending on the detection or non-detection of it, he decides whether to get to know the girl better or not. We don’t know, it’s probably a little banal, but beauty without charm can be vile. There is less and less uncertainty about what men like, right?
Guess the wish
According to another popular theory, if a man sees a nice woman, he will certainly undress her with his eyes and imagine sex.
American writer and lecturer Craig Gross in his book “Through the Eyes of a Man” confirms that when a modest clerk sees a colleague in the office in a blouse unbuttoned to the inviting cleavage, or a teenager looks at a classmate who has come to physical education in short shorts, he simply involuntarily imagines her without clothes: “This does not mean that a man will certainly direct his thoughts in this way (it may not even occur to some rare modest person), but due to the natural visual dependence in the brain of each of us there is an installation to undress that woman with our eyes , who suggests the right direction to fantasy.”
Since most men have no idea that women see the world differently, it never occurs to them that the girl in the miniskirt and maxi-cut neckline was dressing up with something other than sexual self-presentation in mind. In other words, if you meet a muscular handsome man in an alcoholic T-shirt on the street, rest assured: he is not averse to being desired.
Gross is clearly running into trouble by teasing readers with one of the most disgusting machismo maxims: if you wear a mini, be prepared to be wanted. He writes that he thought exactly this way (he’s actually a strange Gross, because he calls himself a speaker, a pastor and a fighter against porn), until he started a book co-authored with sociologist Shanti Feldhan, who was outraged by this format of perception of reality. She popularly explained to a colleague that women, of course, love to attract attention, but not necessarily men, and choose bold outfits solely because they like it and this is how they express themselves, wanting to tell the world that they understand fashion and are confident in their appearance. Gross was slightly ashamed, but admitted that he was stubborn enough to doubt the purity of women’s thoughts to this day.
My American lover (hopelessly married, not my fault), with whom I have been having an online affair for the second year with international tours on real dates, once gave me an original interpretation of a lustful look. I accompanied him to the Zurich train station after a passionate meeting at the hotel, he hugged my shoulders. Three young mulatto women in provocative mini-skirts were walking towards him, and I accidentally caught his eye. He clearly wanted them, in general, without specifics, all together or each separately. I felt jealousy pinch me in the area of my left breast, I remained silent, but could not forget this look. When we met again, I asked for an honest answer, what the fuck did he need from them, if I walked next to him and even pressed him closely? He explained: “We had just had rough sex in a hotel room, and I had to leave you, but more than anything I wanted to stay and continue to do it in all known positions. I don’t remember those girls at all, but I remember the proximity of your body and unsuccessful attempts to pacify the hungry predator inside me. Perhaps my gaze expressed what I wanted, and I wanted you and sex.” Apparently, in a man’s head it works something like this: if I was really hungry and was carrying an awesome pizza in a box, but suddenly I met someone who looked like it (this pizza)... “What delicious nonsense,” I thought and redirected his attention by unbuttoning a couple of buttons on her blouse.
Philosophical remarks from a doctor
Another question that worries all men when they see a woman is “Am I right for her?” or in another way: “Is she tough for me?” Here it would not be a crime to turn to the greatest diagnostician of all times (House). He said, using card terminology, that “twos meet twos, jacks meet jacks, aces meet aces.” This idea is also quite sensible.
A woman can deceive a man and pretend to be a higher card, but life will still put everything in its place. Someone will say that a very rationalistic model of love has been revealed to us. Yes, nothing can be done, it is so. But there are fewer secrets in love than is commonly thought. In any case, one of the answer options is ready to the question of why a man loves a woman.
True love has a heart and soul, not just a body
Of course, despite our rationalistic model of love, we do not want to convince the reader that this wonderful feeling is programmed. Love as an emotion is pure spontaneity to the conscious mind, but it has certain boundaries and parameters controlled by the subconscious. Their main task is to protect a person from unnecessary pain.
For example, teenagers and not too mature people may experience feelings of love or infatuation towards screen or movie stars, without actually realizing that they are out of reach.
Everyone knows what guys like, but sometimes you want them to think at least a little with their heads. For example, such a young man will come to Hollywood and confess his love to the sexy icon of the new generation - Emma Watson. The maximum he can expect from her in response is that she will write him an autograph and hand it to him with a sweet smile. Remember the “card theory” of the gloomy diagnostician? Same thing.
Girls are guilty of this too. They love, for example, Captain America (Chris Evans), but completely unrequitedly. The famous actor doesn’t even know that a girl from the Russian outback is sighing for him, and, frankly, he doesn’t care. He is the "Ace of Trumps" and doesn't care about ordinary cards.
Now let's get a little more serious. The question of what a man loves does not, we hope, cause any more difficulties for the reader. It became clear that the answer to it is multifaceted, like reality. It all depends on the man’s values and what he is looking for in a woman at the moment: relaxation, support, love, pleasure. And all this will influence what kind of relationship will ultimately develop between two people and how long it will last.
What does science say?
The brains of women and men are different - the fair sex has a more developed left hemisphere, while the stronger half of humanity has a more developed right hemisphere. Scientists have found that the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for human speech, and the right hemisphere is responsible for perception. The structure of the female brain has a peculiarity - the zone associated with sexual arousal is located next to the zone responsible for hearing.
Thus, when nerve impulses coming from the sensory organs pass, areas located nearby are affected. As a result of this, sexual arousal occurs not only from the man’s voice, but also from intonation and message. It should be taken into account that the brain mass in women is 100 g less than in men. This indicates a closer mutual arrangement of neurons and accelerated thought processes.
The concept of “female logic” is actually an advantage of the fair sex, and not their disadvantage, as men imagine. Women are able to do several things at once, and the thought process goes on as usual.
Men cannot understand how they manage to do one job, think one thing, and say something completely different. This feature of the female body explains why they love with their ears. Men are more primitive creatures, and in matters of love they strive to achieve one goal - to choose a suitable partner for procreation and raising children.
If we imagine that the female sex began to become aroused just from one glance at a partner, then the planet would inevitably suffer overpopulation. It is enough for a man to evaluate a woman’s physical characteristics, and he shows his readiness to become the father of her children. Women need to understand what kind of father her partner will be, and only after that decide on the possibility of sexual contact with him.
