Unfortunately, most people are susceptible to self-doubt and doubt to one degree or another. Even the most confident of us periodically feel a loss of direction in life and powerlessness in the face of emerging circumstances. It's normal to feel confused during a life crisis. But if a feeling of insecurity becomes a constant companion of a person, then this is already a problem that needs to be given close attention.
Signs of self-doubt
You can safely put yourself on the list of overly insecure individuals if the following behavior is typical for you:
- you feel constrained and embarrassed in interpersonal contacts, especially when interacting with unfamiliar people;
- avoid expressing your opinion directly to your interlocutor for fear of hurting his feelings;
- unable to make decisions independently and constantly seek support from others;
- you perceive criticism from others painfully and act only when you are confident that you will not anger anyone with your behavior;
- you don’t know how to refuse requests;
- you are embarrassed to express your desires.
An insecure person, when trying to act despite fear and doubts, is often let down by his own body: his voice breaks and trembles, sweat appears on his forehead, color fills his face, and an upset stomach occurs.
Fear and self-doubt negatively affect all areas of life, preventing you from achieving what you want in your career, building interpersonal relationships and starting a family. After all, if a person constantly doubts his own abilities, he does not dare to act in the direction of his goals, or even abandons them altogether, replacing his desires with those of others. To live a happy life, it is important to know how to overcome fear and self-doubt when it arises.
Finding the causes of fear and self-doubt
The first step towards gaining confidence is a thorough self-analysis and search for the reasons that provoke doubts in one’s abilities. After all, people do not become insecure, but are born. Watch children learning to walk. The baby takes his first steps, falls, but soon gets up and makes another attempt to walk on his own. He has no doubt that he can. He doesn't know that he might not succeed. So where does this joyful anticipation and thirst for new discoveries disappear, despite possible bruises, bruises and other troubles?
The reason for the feeling of self-doubt is the presence in a person’s life experience of stories when his feelings and actions were rejected, condemned, prohibited, sometimes in a frightening way for him. Typically, such experience is acquired in the first, most important interpersonal relationships - during the interactions of the child with his parents. Look around: children everywhere are taught that doing something in one way or another is bad, unworthy, shameful, dirty. This gives rise to a feeling of inferiority and an unconscious fear of independent actions.
Overprotective parenting also destroys healthy self-esteem. The child is constantly told that he does not know anything and cannot do it without the help of his parents. It is decided for him what should be important and necessary for him, and what will harm him. The child is not allowed to make mistakes on his own and learn from them.
Even in adulthood, when the psyche is more stable, a person can be exposed to negative external factors. For example, a source of low self-esteem and self-doubt can be a critical spouse or close friend, so the words of loved ones and often idealized people hurt the most.
Another common cause of fear and self-doubt is the tendency to negatively evaluate life events. Dismissal from work, divorce, business failure are regarded as a disaster and an indicator of personal failure. Few people can consider such situations as a springboard to new achievements.
Along with psychological factors, external factors also play a role in the development of self-doubt - social, religious, ethnic and even sexual. For example, often representatives of sexual minorities, being victims of discrimination, suffer from a sense of their own inferiority.
Try to determine what event served as a trigger for the development of uncertainty, what and whose words touched a nerve and made you doubt yourself? If you cannot remember the traumatic episode, it is better to seek help from a psychologist or hypnologist. Specialists in the field of the unconscious will be able to identify the underlying causes of fears and bring them to the level of the conscious mind for further work.
To combat fear and anxiety, you need to understand not the consequence, but the cause of its occurrence.
Otherwise they will never leave throughout their lives.
Subconsciously, people themselves avoid fighting fear.
People struggle not with the cause - fear, but with the consequences of fear - inaction.
It’s easier for people this way, because fighting inaction is much more pleasant than fighting fear.
So people occupy themselves with all sorts of activities, the effectiveness of which is no higher than simple picking their nose.
It doesn't bring results. Questions about how to remove fear and embarrassment and be confident in yourself remain unresolved.
- A person who struggles with fear does what is most effective, regardless of whether he is afraid to do it or not. As a result, a person quickly achieves success, becomes more confident and stronger.
- A person who struggles with inaction avoids everything that he is afraid of and occupies himself not with what is effective, but with what is pleasant to do. Such people spend their whole lives on various nonsense, because their goal is simply to be busy . And they get what they want - employment. They get busyness instead of results.
All the people around are trying to be busy and are not even looking for an effective method to overcome their fears and phobias.
There are no results, because the chosen activity is chosen by people only to avoid their fear, and not to achieve results.
Everyone struggles with inaction , not fear.
Because of this, a person experiences worries all his life and worries about how to get rid of depression at home.
Engage in self-education and self-development!
- Self-education teaches us to overcome fears. It teaches us to do what is effective. Thanks to self-development, we are no longer worried about how to deal with fear and anxiety.
- The fight against inaction teaches us to just be busy. Endless searches for employment and blind actions bypass fears.
How to get rid of fear and uncertainty using hypnosis?
In the unconscious of a person, not only the causes of his problems are hidden, but also the solutions to his problems. Hypnosis will help you activate your internal resources to develop confidence. Hypnotherapy allows you to:
- eliminate negative experiences from childhood;
- change negative attitudes to positive ones;
- form a positive reflex to situations that cause fear;
- model a more optimistic perception of the future.
Try listening to an audio recording with hypnotic suggestions:
There are no pills to give you confidence. Therefore, get ready for serious and interesting work on yourself under the guidance of a psychologist or hypnologist.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt on your own?
If there is a negative environment that constantly drags you down, it will be very difficult to get rid of self-doubt. If you receive criticism that you can't handle, such as from a friend, family, or social media comment, cut it off. Be selective in your communications. Don't share your plans with people who are pessimistic and will probably start dissuading you.
How to overcome your fear and uncertainty: exercises
Intellectually, we all understand that uncertainty is not good for us, that we should not focus on the negative. We know that we don’t need to think that we can’t do something. But in reality we don't feel it. The following exercises will help bridge the gap between positive thoughts and feelings.
Visualization for self-doubt
Our subconscious does not speak the same language as us. Simple reminders “everything will be fine” are not enough. Draw pictures in your imagination of how you manage to overcome your fears until you feel delighted with your fantasies. Very soon, when you find yourself in situations that previously caused you fear and self-doubt, you will begin to feel interested and inspired.
"Mistake"
Treat life more simply, playfully, with humor. In the end, fate always gives a second, third, tenth chance. You just need to believe and you will see it. If you have not succeeded in something, failed with disgrace, make a face, spread your arms to the sides and say in a funny voice, “Wrong!” Next, cross your arms over your chest, gently hug yourself by the shoulders and say: “I am good!” This simple exercise will allow you to deal with your occasional mistakes without aggression or self-criticism.
How to overcome fear and uncertainty with anger?
An important step towards developing confidence is giving yourself permission to be angry. Anger is one of the strictly taboo feelings. Often, insecure people, due to their upbringing, have a strictly negative attitude towards aggressive impulses within themselves. Starting to feel a surge of anger, they get scared and try to suppress it.
However, aggression is not always an exclusively unwanted and destructive feeling. Healthy anger is necessary to set personal boundaries and protect your values. Compared to feelings of powerlessness, anger is a resourceful state. The emotion of anger is felt as a surge of energy and encourages action. By allowing yourself to feel anger, you will learn to better understand your needs and separate them from the desires of others.
If you allow yourself to be angry, this does not mean that you will immediately go and destroy everything. Get alone, take a notepad and describe what outrages you about the events that happened. For example, a colleague once again asks you to replace you at work. In response to your timid attempts to refuse, she begins to complain that she has a small child, she needs to be at home and accuses her of insensitivity. Unable to say no, you retreat, even though you had important things planned for the weekend.
By allowing yourself to feel negative emotions without guilt, by allowing angry thoughts towards your colleague, you will automatically get out from under her psychological influence. Next time, when you refuse a request, you will not be afraid of accusations and outbursts of anger on her part, since you have learned not to be afraid of your own aggression.
Now let’s look at how to overcome fear and self-doubt in typical life situations.
All in your hands!
We urgently need to get rid of the role of the victim, because the victim is always scared, because she is helpless! You need to understand that everything is only in your hands, and entirely!
You, of course, cannot be responsible for everything that happens in your life. You just need to understand that the cause of your experiences is solely yourself.
Your reaction to what is happening is the result of your thinking!
When you realize that you are responsible for what goes on in your head, you can take control of your life.
So, your task is to learn the following truths:
1 . Accepting responsibility and blaming yourself are two different things
Yes, you accept responsibility for your life, but there is no need to blame yourself for the past, today or future. Moreover, there is no need to be upset. View the obstacles that prevent you from reaching your goal as a learning process that will free you from fear.
How do you understand where in your life you are not taking responsibility? Analyze in what situations you feel angry or upset, blame others, feel sorry for yourself. It is in these moments that you shirk responsibility. Other signs of shirking responsibility may include:
- absent-mindedness,
- fatigue,
- impatience,
- feelings of envy or jealousy,
- feeling of disappointment
- helplessness,
- constant uncertainty
- desire to control others.
Do you notice such things behind you? Think about where they come from - it’s in these moments that you need to take responsibility.
It will also be useful for you to read the article How to increase a woman’s self-esteem? and How to get rid of envy and anger.
2. The inner talker needs to know its place
The Inner Talker is the voice in your head that constantly leads you to negative thoughts, doubts and worries. By putting it in place in time, you will find the key to all your fears. However, we still cannot do without him: The Talker allows us to realize the need for change, he will always accompany you as you work on yourself.
3. By accepting responsibility, we realize the hidden benefits
What is hidden benefit? There are people who always complain about their health, but never fix it. Why? Because it benefits them! So attention is always drawn to them, and they themselves have a “weighty” reason to play the role of the victim. They can attribute any failure to the fact that they are in poor health. But you just need to realize these “hidden” benefits and take responsibility for this part of your life.
4 . We formulate goals and set out to achieve them.
Once you determine what you want to achieve in life, you can take on the work that will lead you to your goal. A clear goal, perseverance and decisive action will turn the problem of achieving the goal into just a matter of time. Here our article How to write down goals correctly and why you need it will help you.
5 . Every situation has several solutions
In any situation, you have a choice: you can do it this way or something else. Only you can make yourself happy or unhappy - you make this choice! You need to choose the option that will make you better and promote personal growth.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt at work?
A new unfamiliar thing is always scary. Thoughts arise that you won’t cope, and everyone will understand how stupid you really are. Remember that everything you know how to do well now, you also learned once. Read motivational literature, study biographies of people who were able to overcome difficulties on the path to success.
Often in work, people do not see the difference between accepting responsibility and self-blame. The first one motivates, the second one deprives one of strength. As soon as you notice that you are berating yourself, stop. Remind yourself that self-flagellation is not good for you or the cause.
If you're nervous during a business meeting or in your boss's office, influence your emotions through your body: straighten your shoulders, lift your chin, keep your back straight. This will not only create a state of inner confidence, but will also make the right impression on the interlocutor.
How to overcome the fear of communication and self-doubt?
One of the main reasons for self-doubt is the habit of looking at yourself through the eyes of others. In this case, any negative emotions directed towards oneself cause a feeling of guilt and are perceived as confirmation of one’s unworthiness. It is important to learn to understand that the feelings of others are not your responsibility. To do this, it is important to learn to manage your own emotional state.
People often think that their feelings come in response to external events. And since events and people are difficult to control, it seems that a person has no control over his feelings. But if you learn to notice that an emotional reaction to an event is preceded by a mental assessment, everything becomes much simpler.
For example, you were severely scolded by your boss. You can interpret this event in different ways.
- I'm a really bad employee and a complete nonentity. Emotional reaction: pain, shame, powerlessness.
- My boss is always hard to please. He could have explained his requirements better. Emotional reaction: resentment, anger.
- The project we are working on is very important to my boss. That's why he snapped. The emotional reaction is sympathy for the authorities, an urge to correct the mistake.
Having learned to juggle your own thoughts and developed a stable habit of responding to any events with love and acceptance, you will understand that the feelings of others towards you - be it accusations, anger, ridicule, or admiration and envy - is only their problem, their choice. And this will save you from worrying about whether they treat you well or badly.
METHOD THREE
The third method is spontaneity and unexpectedness of actions. Consider a situation where a meeting or meeting is planned at work at which you need to speak. You begin to create and rehearse a speech, scroll through the necessary phrases and order of speech in your head. The problem completely engulfs you and your brain can only think about the upcoming meeting. There is an obsession with the event and giving it “excessive significance.” From constant thoughts, there is a fear that something may not work out, somewhere you will go astray and everything will not go according to plan. This is how self-doubt appears. Planning is, of course, a necessary stage of any event, but it will be enough to simply rehearse the main points and navigate the situation directly at the meeting. Knowing the main important points and operating with them, you must supplement your speech already in the process of speaking. Such spontaneous actions will help you avoid fear and create negative results in your head. The same goes for relationships. If you experience panic at the thought of communicating with a person, do not scroll through the scenario of your meeting and dialogues in your head. Just let go of your fear and let the meeting or dialogue flow naturally, without any confusion.
