How to keep your lover close to you: useful tips

Why do married people need outside relationships?

A married man begins to cheat on his wife for the following reasons:

1. Lack of emotional intimacy. This is often encountered by spouses who have lived together for about ten years. There comes a period when people who are accustomed to each other’s character stop openly expressing affection. This leads to the fact that they become strangers, turning the partner into a kind of emotional garbage bin, into which only negativity and dissatisfaction are added.
2. Lack of variety in sexual relationships. Sex with your wife ceases to bring vivid sensations, which can be found in abundance on the side.
3. Fatigue from family life. When responsibilities, lack of free time, and constant pressure from his wife begin to oppress a man, he strives to get rid of negative experiences. To relieve stress, feel confidence, and freedom of action, he finds a woman who can understand and appreciate him.
4. The need for self-affirmation. Many men sincerely believe that having a mistress is proof of masculinity and personal importance. By starting an affair, such men confirm to themselves the status of an alpha male. At the same time, they prefer women who are not inferior in beauty to top models.
5. The emergence of feelings for another woman. Suddenly, a man finds “the one” for whom he has deep and sincere feelings.

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Most often, a man does not seek to leave the family, since he is completely satisfied with the current state of affairs. He has a wife, children, family values ​​and a woman ready to give love.

The latter must take into account some features in relationships on the side in order to know effective ways to keep a sex partner close to her.

Psychology of a married man

When starting romantic relationships on the side, men behave differently. Some carefully hide the fact of betrayal, others are not afraid of anything and openly take risks for the sake of new experiences. Usually a married man has a permanent mistress by the age of 35-40. At this time, he is experiencing a midlife crisis and is in dire need of a person who can feed him with his energy, give him self-confidence and add variety to his usual way of life. Reasons why a married man takes a mistress:

• he just gets bored and wants new emotions;
• tired of the monotonous intimate life with my wife;
• quarrels constantly break out in his family, scandals flare up;
• the man is polygamous by nature.

A mistress is an outlet that allows you to escape from everyday troubles and family problems. With her, he gets a lot of pleasant emotions and impressions in bed, which he cannot boast of with his legal wife. But for a man, his mistress always remains in the background.

She spends weekends and holidays alone, she lacks confidence in relationships and in the future.

READ My lover left me: how to survive a painful breakup and move on

What should a lover be like for a married man?

Regardless of the reason that pushed a man to cheat, a woman should rely on the properties that her lover expects to see. In most cases, he agrees to commit adultery in order to be able to periodically escape family problems and find a cozy and calm temporary refuge. You can make a married man fall in love with you by creating similar conditions. The main thing is to highlight the basic principles of behavior.

Space for peace and relaxation

A man tries to be where he feels good. The mistress’s task is to provide a calm and comfortable environment. He sees quarrels, reproaches, attacks and bitterness at home too.

You need to create a contrast in order to stand out from your dissatisfied wife:

• always meet your lover in a good mood;
• look well-groomed every time;
• surround with care, attention;
• surprise with culinary delights;
• Praise a man because he needs to feel important.

If the topic of conversation is unpleasant to a man, you need to change it. It’s better to distract your attention with more enjoyable leisure activities.

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Sexual relations

It is important to fully satisfy your lover sexually. It is necessary to make changes and innovations in your intimate life from time to time. Thanks to this, the man will not lose the feeling of excitement, receiving vivid impressions not only physically, but also emotionally. Sex is one of the most effective means that can keep a married man.

Never refuse sex to your lover, but there are certain limits to everything. There is no need to subject your body to endurance tests. This only means promoting his fantasies and desires, especially those that his wife could not or did not want to embody.

Having freedom of choice

You need to let a man do what he wants. If you want to have fun, then you should organize a festive event. An active person will enjoy spending time in a noisy and fun company or visiting an interesting place. Vivid emotions experienced together will strengthen relationships.

If he needs silence, you can have a romantic dinner in a warm home environment. At the same time, you need to behave at ease, naturally, showing sincere and positive emotions. Perhaps a married woman needs the same environment in order not only to keep a man, but also to experience pleasant experiences herself.

You need to respect the personal boundaries of your chosen one. By imposing, there is a risk of loss of interest on his part. A man, in turn, likes the self-sufficiency in a woman’s personality.

Don't discuss his family

Under no circumstances should you discuss your lover's family, especially when it comes to attacks or insults against his wife. No matter how great the lover’s affection, it is always inferior to the legal bonds of marriage. The wife was able to marry him and became a conqueror in her own way, so men always treat their spouses with respect.

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It is always necessary to proceed from the main principle of male infidelity. A man finds a woman for a relationship on the side not in order to go to her, but because of the loss of certain components in family life. At the same time, he always protects and tries to save the marriage.

Don't complain about the second role in his life

You cannot show your chosen one that you are capable of getting tired or moping. Staying on the sidelines is difficult, but you knew what you were getting into when you started a close relationship with a married man.

Finding themselves in such a situation, lovers often begin to play the role of the victim. As long as a woman insists that she is the injured party in the current circumstances, no one and nothing will help her. It happens that a mistress likes to be a victim, to experience painful experiences, looking for the guilty party in her misfortunes. Manipulating a man in this way is ineffective, since complaining about one’s fate causes irritation in the opposite sex.

Methods of manipulation

Pay attention to the advice of a psychologist based on manipulation. These methods of influence will provoke jealousy, as well as the desire to be close. However, the chosen one must be manipulated carefully. The main thing is not to cross the boundaries of what is permissible, so as not to seem mercantile, frivolous or indifferent. In addition, do not let your lover forget about yourself and the fact that you are interested in him. Subconsciously, the man will begin to think that his mistress’s actions are a reaction to his actions or initiative, and not her whim. Effective ways:

1. Changes in appearance. In a relationship with a lover, sudden changes for the better raise suspicions, especially in cases where a potential rival will be present at the upcoming event.
2. Changes in the usual schedule. By canceling a date under an ambiguous pretext, you can receive a lot of messages or a sudden visit. At the same time, some things need to be kept silent, revealing a small part. This frees up space for intrigue.
3. Ignoring is a good way to make your lover yearn for another meeting. But you can’t overdo it, since the element of hunting, of course, whets the appetite, but the unattainability of prey eventually begins to tire you and ceases to interest you.
4. Flirting is an effective but dangerous method of influence that makes a lover jealous. There should be a little of it, so that at the moment of an outbreak of jealousy there is an opportunity to take on an innocent and uncomprehending appearance. If you flirt when your lover knows that you see him, then it can turn into a game of “Who will be jealous of whom.”

How to return?

And is this necessary? After all, if a young and handsome lover himself left you, then there was a reason for that. Even if he has found a new passion, you should not show all your anger. Talking to him, convincing him, trying to get him back in ways that degrade your dignity - all this will only prove that he was right when he left.

What to do:

• for yourself, put the relationship on pause - let him start to get bored, let him realize that he has lost the main jewel in his life;
• take care of yourself, improve yourself - not only externally, perhaps you have long dreamed of learning to drive a car, learning a foreign language or changing your profession - at any age all this is possible.

If it didn’t work out to return, and he doesn’t call or write, draw conclusions for yourself and move on with your life, continuing to enjoy. After all, you initially got yourself someone who was younger for this, right? If he is no longer around, this is not a reason to give up on your personal life.

Perhaps you should be alone for a while, go on a trip or do yoga. Learn to enjoy your own company.

And in conclusion, I would like to say a few words about how to break up with a guy if you need it. You can simply disappear from his life, but only if you are sure that he will not start stalking. Or talk calmly and explain why your union has no future.

The article was checked and approved by a psychologist. Gryzlova Olga Yuryevna, special psychologist, 15 years of experience. Learn more about the expert.

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Tags: have a lover, lover, relationship with a younger man

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What to do if a man’s feelings have cooled

A secret relationship is a source of adrenaline for a man. Lack of variety leads to boredom and then indifference. If dates with your lover do not bring positive, emotional experiences, then your lover’s feelings may cool.

However, the man himself does not demand seriousness in the relationship from his mistress. He strives to get the feelings that he experienced in his youth, when attraction makes his head spin, pushing him to impulsive actions. Although guys want to appear masculine, they need romance and tenderness.

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How to quickly forget your lover and get rid of pain

If a man sees only reproaches, dissatisfaction and anger from his wife, he becomes mentally tired, so he looks for affection, care, romance and tenderness on the side. If the affair with his mistress begins to acquire similar features to the existing situation in the family, he will not want to endure double attacks.

Praise your married man as often as possible

Praise is pleasant for almost every person. Praise from a woman whom a man has chosen as his mistress is especially pleasant. Your wife's criticism and your praise will be in strong contrast, and the lover will certainly feel this difference. Say more positive words. Express admiration for the man. The psychological component is no less important than the sexual sphere of life. Always remember this. A man may not feel approved of his actions at home and at work. This negatively affects a person’s mood and state of mind. Therefore, it is important that he feels as comfortable as possible with you. He should hear pleasant words from you, and then your relationship will go in the right direction.

Married woman and young guy

It happens that women who have been married for a long time need to keep a young sex partner with them. This is what motivates guys to get involved with a captive woman, especially if she is significantly older:

1. Lack of responsibility. A woman bound by marriage, in most cases, only needs intimate relationships, so she will not demand the fulfillment of any conditions or obligations. In addition, infrequent dates may be enough for her.
2. Experience in the intimate sphere. She can attract a young man because she can teach him the secret techniques of love.
3. Complexes. If the age difference is significant, you need to think about the reason for such a connection. Perhaps it lies in childhood complexes brought into adulthood, that is, obtaining psychological comfort.
4. Material benefit. The lover begins to live off the funds allocated by the woman.

These circumstances must be taken into account, since most often there are specific motives behind a young man’s desire to commit himself to a relationship with a married lady.

The main mistakes of lovers

If we talk about statistics, only three to four out of ten women dating married people manage to achieve a positive result. However, a logical question arises: why such insignificant indicators, especially if we talk about the fact that most of the girls chosen as mistresses are younger, slimmer, more attractive than their legal spouse, and a quarter of them are superior to their wives in terms of social status, wealth, intelligence or education? This is due to common misconceptions. The main mistake is underestimating the degree of affection a man has for his children. Other circumstances are no less significant.

Trusting the words of married men

90% of men openly lie about their “unsuccessful” family life, describing it with a typical expression: “We have had nothing in common for a long time. We live only for the sake of our children, our relationship is a stamp in a passport, a formality.”

Based on such information, many lovers come to the conclusion that this person will become their trophy very soon. In fact, married people are not so unhappy in their families. Few of them can muster the strength to erase their family past.

Mistresses' confidence that their lover is not having sex with his wife

This belief is also based on a naive belief in men's promises and words. In order not to lose his attractive lover, the guy is ready to say what she wants to hear. Even if the betrayal occurred due to the fact that the wife has lost interest in intimacy, periodically the spouses still have sexual contact.

This fuels in the husband a sense of ownership and responsibility for the marriage bond, his wife. Even when experiencing a painful need or desire to leave the family, many want to save the marriage and maintain control over their wife.

Underestimating the potential of wives

Mistresses underestimate the importance of their chosen wives to such an extent that they do not consider it necessary to feel jealous of them, treating them as “orphan, sick and wretched.” More often they are jealous of any other famous beloved girls.

This paradox is one of the main mistakes of mistresses. They do not take into account the simple fact: this woman was able to successfully tie the knot with this man, having already become a winner in her time. Therefore, to treat your beloved’s wife with disdain and write her off prematurely is a classic mistake. For him, his mistresses are paying for years, wasted in vain on the useless expectation of a miracle.

Ignorance of the lover's position in the family

According to statistics, at least 70% of married people who have affairs on the side do not actually occupy a dominant position in their families.

When a connection is discovered, many henpecked people quickly understand the situation in which they find themselves. They will give up a love affair in order to gain more frequent sex, access to their hobbies, the opportunity to devote time to their career, permission to spend time with friends, and so on.

Weak-willed men who cannot achieve respectful treatment in their own family leave relationships on the side. Often this is the only way to improve family status.

Ignorance of the degree of financial dependence of a man

Most of the cheaters portray independent, successful and self-sufficient people. That is, those who reached the top through their own efforts. However, the following points may become clear:

• the business was created on the basis of the father-in-law’s connections, without which everything would change dramatically;
• the chosen one’s career was built with the help of his wife’s relatives;
• the wife is the owner of the entire business.

Not knowing that without outside help this “macho” could not do anything, the mistress wonders why such a successful man cannot leave his “bad” wife.

Deterioration of the lover's character

If married men decide to leave, they choose the most flexible and patient mistresses.

When a girl puts too much pressure and manipulates her boyfriend, sooner or later he will ask himself the question: “Why do I need a similar second wife?” The more demanding the mistress becomes, the less chance she has of taking the place of the legal wife.

For a woman, a love relationship with a married man is not easy. In order not to lose contact, she must bring a lot of effort on her part. There is no need to cherish dreams and hopes for his departure from the family. It is much more valuable to enjoy the moments spent together.