Is love at a distance possible?
Love is a complex and difficult to explain feeling. No matter how much experts try to analyze it using scientific methods, there is only one conclusion - it does not obey the laws of logic, but acts as a more subtle matter.
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Sometimes from the outside it can be difficult to believe that people completely different in character, age, interests, worldview, even nationality can be together. But the fact remains a fact and there are many stories to confirm this. Love is illogical, what else can I say.
Does love exist at a distance? For some, no, but for others, yes, it all depends on the specific situation, on people, their behavior, honesty with each other, loyalty and many other factors.
In the era of technological progress, the vast majority of dating is carried out via the Internet, often with people geographically located at a great distance. And some couples, due to circumstances, have to maintain virtual relationships for some time.
In some cases, everything ends well, love wins, people finally reunite and get married. In others, constant mistrust and jealousy kill feelings and the union falls apart.
It seems to me that the most important question that lovers should ask themselves is not “Does love happen at a distance?”, but “How to maintain feelings in a relationship at a distance?” We will find the answer to it, but first let's understand the main types of distance love and its main problems.
Types of relationships in online format
When it comes to feelings at a distance, one should distinguish between two scenarios:
- The lovers met via the Internet or the meeting took place in real life (for example, on vacation, travel), but they live far from each other. The development of their relationship from the very beginning occurs at a distance.
- Initially, the relationship developed in reality, he and she could even live together, but then, due to life circumstances, the partners had to separate for a while. Most often, separation is associated with the need for a man to go to work in another city or country.
Why is it important to differentiate between the designated situations? At their root are completely different problems. So, in the first option, the main dilemma is related to the further development of relationships, their exit from the World Wide Web into real life, as well as the difficulties that often await lovers when they reunite.
For the second case, the main difficulty is maintaining love, adapting to changed conditions, maintaining feelings across kilometers from each other.
Tip #5: come even for an hour
Use every opportunity, even the slightest, to see each other. Come to your loved one, and if you can’t come yourself, buy him a ticket to come to you. Or meet in the middle. Do everything in your power to see each other as often as possible, and then you will get through time at a distance faster and easier.
Spontaneous trips will spur your relationship again and again, because they will be accompanied by hot hugs, bright emotions and an amazing opportunity to finally see your loved one! Make each such meeting unforgettable and, fueled by sweet memories, the time apart will fly by.
We suggest you read: What to write in the first message to a girl for dating: examples of the correct phrases
Depending on the reason why you had to separate for a while, you may experience different emotions and states during separation. These could be panic attacks, anxiety, or obsessive thoughts. But by adhering to the suggested tips, it will be easier for you to survive the breakup, and the negative emotions associated with it will be easier to live through, and it will be easier to maintain the relationship.
The main difficulties of love at a distance
Again, the two stories must be considered separately. Problems of relationships started via the Internet:
- The process of their development . A man and a woman were initially accustomed to thinking, first of all, for themselves, to solve their problems on their own. With the need to live together, at first it may be difficult for them to adapt to their chosen one and take into account his interests. Quarrels and misunderstandings often arise on this basis.
- Difficulties in communication . Although modern technologies allow us to successfully maintain online communication, virtual communication will never replace live communication. A huge role is played by intonation, facial expressions, posture - non-verbal signals without which the true meaning of what is said is often lost. Plus, no matter how much they want, lovers will not be able to communicate 24 hours a day.
- Possibility of making a mistake . On the Internet it is easy to create an image of an ideal self, even if in reality it is far from reality. Insincerity is another problem with long-distance love. In fact, you cannot verify the veracity of the information provided by your interlocutor without live contact. Therefore, mistrust and tension often arise, which invariably leads to quarrels.
- Prolonged candy and bouquet period . Long-distance relationships often stay in the idealized stage of falling in love longer than expected. On the one hand, this is good: there is always pleasant excitement, emotions, there is no boredom or monotony. But on the other hand, there are also disadvantages: when the long-awaited acquaintance happens in reality, it may turn out that you are not at all ready to have anything more with this person than a pleasant correspondence on Viber.
What difficulties do couples face who have had relationship experience in life, but are forced to experience a long separation:
- The problem of expectations. The nature of relationships changes, and accordingly, your expectations from them will need to change. If before you were constantly together, had the opportunity for tactile contact, intimacy, now you will temporarily have to forget about them.
- Exacerbation of mistrust in a partner. No matter how ideal your relationship is, when severe stress occurs, such as a long separation, it becomes difficult to trust from a distance. There is a big risk of becoming jealous and tormenting your other half with your suspicions.
- Loneliness . Now there is no one to celebrate birthdays and New Years with, no one to visit married couples, no one to even take a trivial walk in the park or go to the beach. Separation from a loved one will clearly demonstrate all the gaps that were previously occupied by him. Getting used to loneliness is usually not easy.
Why start online dating?
The most popular way to start a romantic relationship remotely is through online dating apps. Let's say you met someone on Tinder or Badoo. Before going further, it is important to understand for what purposes you are entering into such communication. If this is expanding your circle of friends, unobtrusive correspondence or meetings for fun, then you probably will not have the task of getting to know the person deeply or building a trusting contact for a long period of time.
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But what if you are looking for more meaningful interactions and want to build real relationships that will eventually develop into a partnership or even a family? In this case, nuances begin to appear that are worth paying attention to.
Users of online dating services note that some people with whom they enter into communication do not strive to leave the virtual format at all. Most often, these are either those who do not want to burden themselves with spending (time and money) on a partner, but want to get a source of excitement or satisfaction of sexual needs without much stress, or those who thus feed their own illusion of having a wide network of contacts.
Unfortunately, when communicating through dating services, there is a real risk of getting stuck in unproductive long-distance relationships with those who profit from the gullibility of others. (Of course, we are talking only about individual unscrupulous users, but vigilance will not hurt.)
Check list
To figure out if you have fallen into a similar trap, ask yourself the following questions:
- How often do my communication partners and I take advantage of real chances to communicate not only online, but also in person?
- Is my friend's contribution of time, money and effort into our relationship equivalent to my own contribution?
- Can I refuse to communicate with my friend/acquaintance on sexual and other difficult topics if I feel uncomfortable, without fear of losing our contact?
- Does my communication partner respect my reluctance to move into intimate communication online if I consider it untimely/inappropriate?
- Can I comfortably arrange our remote communication in accordance with my own work and other activities?
- Do I feel that my partner allows me to take a break to think about the answer, am I free/free to answer when it is convenient for me, without feeling pressure from him/her?
Again, if the majority of the answers are negative, then you are at risk.
Long distance relationships: how to maintain love
But if there is a desire and real feelings, do not rush to think about breaking up. Everything is possible in this world, let's find out how to keep love at a distance. The advice is general; it is suitable for people who have never seen each other and for those who are forced to experience separation.
Tip 1: Communicate often
Create such a life that your loved one is constantly “present” nearby, albeit virtually. Fortunately, today there are many instant messengers, as well as mobile communications, email and other methods of communication.
Be interested in the events that happen to your partner, his emotional state, talk about yourself, share cute photos and videos.
Tip 2: Meet as early as possible
Recommendation for couples who have not yet gone on a first date in reality. Try to plan it soon after meeting so as not to waste a lot of time on communication that will turn out to be meaningless and lead nowhere.
Tip 3. Learn to trust
Trust is one of the main pillars that keeps love at a distance. Without it, a fragile structure risks collapsing in no time, and it is often impossible to rebuild it.
If you decide to maintain a long-distance relationship, it is important to learn to trust each other. Stop tormenting your chosen one with constant suspicions of infidelity. At a minimum, they are meaningless because you still may not know the truth about cheating.
Learn to listen to your heart, trust your inner voice. For your part, also do not give reasons for doubt, remain faithful to your loved one.
Tip 4. Be sincere
Don't try to artificially create an image of someone you are not. The deception will sooner or later be revealed, and no one will return the lost time to both. This is for those who have not yet met in person.
In the second case, talk with your partner about what worries you, about internal experiences, fears or dreams, desires. Distance will most likely open up new facets of each other that you both have to discover.
Tip 5. Don't give up on sexual interest
This, of course, is not about cheating. And about the fact that it is important to maintain intimate interest even when hundreds of kilometers away from each other. Everything here is purely individual - each couple will definitely find an acceptable option for themselves, be it “hot” photos and videos, sex over the phone or erotic stories.
Tip 6. Don’t dream, but do
Love manifests itself not only in beautiful words and promises, but in real actions. You should make clear plans for the future, gradually starting to put them into practice. And not just sit passively, waiting for everything to be solved by itself with the wave of a magic wand.
Of course, the main initiative in this case ideally comes from a man. But efforts must be made by both parties to the relationship. If you see that the game is happening “with one goal,” it’s worth thinking about whether there is any point in maintaining such a connection at a distance?
Tip 7. Use every opportunity to meet
Meeting in life is an exciting and very important event for lovers. And its cancellation invariably causes great disappointment to the second person. Of course, sometimes unforeseen circumstances occur that spoil plans (illness, urgent trip, etc.).
If live dates begin to be canceled or postponed constantly without serious reasons, this is a reason for frustration, making you think about the significance of the relationship.
And the following video will tell you a little more about love at a distance:
