Business trips, internships at distant enterprises, training courses abroad, contract work in another city or even another country - all these are quite common realities. Fortunately, today it has become easier to maintain relationships at a distance thanks to the widespread availability of the global network - you can not only often hear your loved one on the phone, but even see you when making a video call.
Of course, this does not mean that surviving separation will be easy and simple. You need to use a ready-made psychological strategy or develop your own so that parting for a while does not turn into separation for you forever.
For honest love, even the smallest distance is too great, but even the greatest distance is surmountable. Hans Nouveau
Long distance relationships: PROS and CONS
"It's sad that you're not nearby!"
- this phrase reflects the essence of long-distance relationships. Today, the majority of the population cannot imagine life without social networks. The rapid growth in popularity of this method of communication has led to the spread of the phenomenon of “love at a distance.”
Being thousands of kilometers away from each other, people show boundless trust in a partner whom they have never seen in reality, have great hopes of meeting, spend a lot of time talking on the phone and Skype, and correspondence on social networks.
Such relationships can last for several years, increasingly assuring long-distance partners that their feelings are eternal.
In 10% of cases of long-distance love, lovers actually meet in reality, but only in 2% of cases do they stay with each other for a more or less long time.
Why do people so stubbornly believe in love at a distance?
Is love possible at a distance?
Is love possible at a distance? A psychologist's advice can only help assess the prospects of such relationships and recommend some nuances of behavior in them, but everyone finds the answer to this question for themselves and for their partner, regardless of the opinions of strangers. The world knows many cases when partners remained faithful and had feelings for each other not just in different cities, but also on different continents. Therefore, the possibility of such an alliance is by no means fantastic.
In the modern world, long-distance relationships have taken on a new form than 100 or even 50 years ago. You no longer have to wait a long time for news via mail - instant messengers and email deliver letters instantly to anywhere in the world where there is access to the Internet. The voice of a loved one can be heard wherever there is cellular communication, and can be seen through video chats and other visual communication programs. Maintaining communication and the illusion of a lover’s presence nearby has become easier than ever.
It should be noted that there is a fundamental difference between getting a long-distance partner or maintaining a marriage. In the first case, there is a chance to assess the need for such a connection and refuse to start it. In the second, we are talking about saving the family, having already had the experience of living together with a person.
Whatever the background to the beginning of a long-distance relationship, the advice of a psychologist will improve the situation, or at least adequately assess the prospects for its development.
Long-distance relationships: several pros
- Love at a distance is a convenient thing. In order to type and send a couple of lines over the Internet to your other half, you don’t need to carve out scarce free time;
- you don’t need to spend hours getting yourself in order—beautiful photographs taken in advance replace both of you with a living partner;
- expenses are minimal - for communication, because rarely does anyone dare to send gifts, much less money, to the other side of the world. In addition, you do not need to pay rent and utilities (most often, fans of long-distance love live with relatives);
- fans of long-distance love are spared the daily routine - this is precisely why their relationship lasts so long. Only romance, love and euphoria. No wearing socks all over the apartment, taking out brains and trash, or going to supermarkets.
- On the Internet, people often dare to share very intimate things, which connects us even more. At such large distances, the protective barrier—the boundary of personal space—does not work. If long-distance lovers say that they know each other better than anyone in the world, they are more likely to be right than wrong.
- Love at a distance is surrounded by a special romance. Loving from a distance is fashionable. It is not uncommon for partners to remain partners only to spite all the skeptics, whose voices begin to sound in their heads when the relationship has lasted long enough.
- The opportunity to send your other half a couple of stickers, beautiful pictures and sensual melodies will more than compensate for the lack of gifts and meetings in a cafe. Oddly enough, people enjoy virtual attentions no less than real ones.
Long-distance relationships: several CONS
Skeptics are right about many things about long-distance love, for example:
- Physical contact means a lot. And he’s just not in a long-distance relationship. It's not so much about sex (although it's about that too). Without touching, the smell of bodies, the feeling that a loved one is nearby, love at a distance is a set of symbols, albeit with a very romantic meaning. Words do not warm the way the warmth of a loved one warms.
- The absence of this warmth often pushes lovers to cheat. And although their heart still belongs to their distant partner, this will not last long. Soon physical affection will outweigh terabytes of love messages.
- No matter how much a person talks about himself, he will never talk about his facial expressions, his gestures, or his subconscious motives. He just doesn't know anything about it. And if he thinks he knows, then his information on this matter is incomplete at best.
- People look different in photographs and videos than in reality. Usually much better, precisely because even the most modern cameras have lower resolution than the human eye. The camera simply hides minor defects in appearance from lovers.
- Peer pressure also plays a role. Only the strongest feelings and the most stubborn people are able to resist him. In the end, under the pressure of friends and family, lovers begin to suspect each other of betrayal or cooling of feelings.
- The lack of routine does a disservice to lovers. Spoiled by romance, they are completely unprepared for everyday difficulties. A banal difference in views on order in the house can kill almost any love.
The lists of “FOR” and “AGAINST” long-distance relationships can be continued endlessly. But the final word on the question of the existence of love at a distance still belongs to lovers - only they can decide: to refute all the arguments of skeptics or to join the ranks of the army of those disappointed in love at a distance.
But everyone who dares to let such love into their hearts needs to be prepared for great difficulties and be able to maintain such relationships for a long time.
Separation after a long time together
It happens that a husband is offered a temporary job in another city, and the family decides that the husband goes on such a business trip alone. Or a man works on a rotational basis, and essentially lives in two (or even more) cities all his life. How to survive a long distance relationship in this case?
The most important advice is to be constantly in touch, do not lose interest in each other’s affairs. Call each other more often, exchange photos and impressions. And phone sex has not been canceled. If you haven't tried it yet, don't neglect this way of maintaining sexual relationships.
How to maintain a long-distance relationship with a guy
When communicating with your beloved guy who is far from you, it is important to maintain a middle ground. Too frequent calls, SMS, requests to come at least for a day, etc. can cause irritation, which is completely unnecessary in your relationship now. Below we will give some tips on how to maintain a long-distance relationship with a loved one who has temporarily moved to another city.
Discuss times to call and try not to call at other times.
This is especially true if the guy did not go on a tour of European cities, for example, but on an internship or on a business trip. It's clear that you're bored. But put yourself in his place: he is in a new environment, where he needs to show his best side, he is worried, and here you are with your constant calls. It is distracting, annoying, and creates additional problems. And now a person already has enough of them.
Try to talk less yourself and let your loved one speak out
Girls love to talk incessantly. Talk about the weather, new hairstyle, makeup, dorm roommate, etc. But think about it, does your boyfriend need all this information now? Ask him what he thinks, what he feels, what new things happened to him today. There are enough people left in your environment who can listen to you - mom, sister, girlfriends - but now he has no one nearby with whom he could share his thoughts and feelings. Support a guy in difficult times, and he will probably respond to you with his gratitude.
Write letters
When talking on the phone, it is not always possible to say out loud everything that is in your heart. If you don’t know how best to tell about your feelings, how much you miss you and how much you look forward to meeting you, write a letter. It’s better not to send an SMS, but rather a full-fledged letter that can be sent by email.
Spend time together on weekends
This can be done even if you are hundreds and thousands of kilometers apart. For example, watching the same movie, show, concert together at the same time. Or just cleaning the apartment with Skype turned on - walk past the laptop, look into it and see your loved one, as if he was cleaning up the order in the next room. This brings you closer together and helps you mentally overcome the distance.
Start a ritual
It is very important, even at a distance, to have something in common that is constantly repeated, day after day.
For example, mandatory exchange of SMS or mms before bed. Or breakfast with the same dishes (discuss the menu for the next day in advance). Or evening walks at the same time, during which you can chat on the phone without being distracted by anything. The ritual can be anything from cycling to going to the grocery store. The main thing is that the time coincides with you and him, and that you can then discuss whether you liked breakfast, how many kilometers you managed to cover while jogging, etc.
Don't try to control your loved one's every move.
Firstly, it is unrealistic, which means it makes no sense.
Secondly, it is very annoying. Sooner or later, the guy will have a thought: if she controls my every step so many kilometers away, what will happen when I return? Will he follow me like a tail? Annoy me with surveillance? Hire a detective? Do I need it?
In short, even wives are not recommended to try to control their husbands from a distance. What can we say about a guy with whom you do not yet have a legal relationship. You should be bound by love and devotion, not total control.
Make the most of your time apart
There is no need to shed tears from morning to evening and feel sorry for yourself, your beloved. Do something you haven't had time to do for a long time. Read a book, sign up for a swimming pool or fitness center, learn how to cook deliciously, master oriental dancing. There are plenty of options. After all, you have freed up a lot of time that you previously spent with your loved one. So make good use of it. Imagine surprising him with your toned figure or culinary talents when he returns.
Don't let your interest fade away
Men are known to love with their eyes.
Just talking on the phone is not enough for them, especially when there are a lot of unfamiliar and, quite possibly, pretty girls around. Therefore, do not forget to send mms to your guy or post your photos on social networks, showing yourself at your best - in beautiful outfits, makeup, hairstyle, etc. Quite candid photos would be quite appropriate (if your relationship has already gone beyond the candy-bouquet period) in sexy lingerie or without it at all. Of course, such photos should only be shown in private communication. Video calls on Skype are another great opportunity to stir up interest in yourself.
There are many options for exactly how to do this - you just have to use your imagination.
How to maintain a long-distance relationship with a girl
Not all guys know how to maintain a long-distance relationship with their beloved. Indeed, this is a difficult task, but if you really love your soul mate, then you will be able to do it. So, long distance relationships - how to maintain love?
Don't forget about romance in relationships
Daily calls are, of course, good. But they are not enough to save the relationship. Do romantic things - order flowers for delivery, pay for dinner for your loved one in your city, send a small gift by mail. It’s better if it’s unexpected - such a gift is doubly pleasant.
Use different ways to communicate
Email, video calls, even paper letters are all good additions to regular phone calls. There is never too much communication at a distance, especially for a girl who now feels abandoned and lonely. Don't let her be sad.
Come to each other
If you have the opportunity to visit a girl, be sure to use it. Of course, you can set the order of trips to each other, but all other things being equal, it will be better if you are the one who goes on the trip. Of course, there may be exceptions - for example, if you are on a business trip in Paris and not in Magadan. Any girl will be happy to fly to the capital of France without worrying too much about the difficulties of the journey.
be patient
Girls are jealous, emotionally unstable, excitable, and whiny. And all these traits can become aggravated in separation from a loved one, when there is no one to hug, reassure, or feel sorry for. Take it easy. Now it’s not easy for both of you, but you are the strong half in your couple.
Don’t shy away from discussing joint plans
Even if it seems ridiculous and inappropriate for you to discuss at the beginning of autumn where you will go on vacation next summer, do not deny your loved one the pleasure of dreaming.
After all, this is the time when you will be together. If you are going to get married, then get ready for endless discussions about the dress, suit, wedding ceremony and venue. You can plan anything - even the joint purchase of an apartment and the number of children you want to have. Believe me, this is really important for your girlfriend - shared plans bring you closer, reduce the distance between you and help maintain your relationship.
Take an interest in your loved one's life
There is no need to pester your friend with constant questions about where she was, what she did, why she didn’t answer the call right away. But you shouldn’t be completely indifferent to her life - ask her about friends, old and new, events in life, tell her how much you love her and how you envy all those who are now next to her. Remember - women love with their ears.
Give gifts
You don't have to buy expensive jewelry. Although, if you have such a financial opportunity, you can choose this option. But even cute trinkets, teddy bears, pendants will show your girlfriend that you do not forget about her, and will remind her of you during the hours of separation.
Stay close
Even though you are separated by kilometers, your girlfriend should know that she can always rely on you. If she ends up in the hospital or some other trouble happens to her, you must drop everything and immediately rush to the rescue. Perhaps she will understand if you fail to do this. But a crack in the relationship, as well as a hidden grudge, will appear.
How to maintain a long-distance relationship: advice from a psychologist
In addition to everything listed above, psychologists advise that you take separation as an opportunity to slowly think about your relationship. From a distance it usually becomes more obvious whether your feelings are as strong as you thought. Are you willing to wait to meet this person instead of starting a relationship with a new guy or girl? And if you are ready, then for what exact reason - because you cannot imagine a relationship with anyone else, or because you are afraid to start a new relationship, even if the existing one does not really suit you.
It has always been the case that the depth of love is known only in the hour of separation. Gibran Kahlil Gibran
Psychologist's advice
If your relationship began with virtual communication, then try to transfer it into real life as quickly as possible. Believe me, this is possible if both people are sure that they need it. I know many couples whose real relationships began with one member moving in with another. And we are not talking about changing houses or streets - cities were changing.
If you are temporarily separated or cannot yet solve the problem of unity, then adhere to the following recommendations:
- Share life stories and everyday situations as much as possible, and actively use real-time video communication. People are brought together by everyday life, only in everyday trifles and conversations do we really get to know a person, get closer to him or, on the contrary, understand that we are not on the same path.
- If meetings are possible, then try to get to your partner’s house, and not to neutral territory. If a person is hiding something, it is even easier to do it outside the home. Home is also important because you will leave a part of yourself there, and the meeting itself will be more firmly embedded in your memory. During home meetings, you can feel and imagine life together.
- Use all the possibilities for romantic gestures: parcels, delivery to your apartment, an original video message, exchange of intriguing photos, virtual cards. Squeeze out the maximum romance and opportunities for intimacy from the virtual space.
- If you are temporarily separated by circumstances, for example, military service, studying abroad, then maintain the relationship with the help of plans for the future and memories of the shared past. Feed the fire that lives inside you. Don't let distance keep you apart.
- Compensate for the lack of nonverbal communication with a double dose of compliments, pleasant and warm words, photographs, and surprises. Talk more, clarify whether you understood your partner correctly. Intonation greatly influences the perception of a phrase. If something has offended or offended you, ask again. Misunderstandings in such relationships arise more often, and reconciliation is more difficult. Don't let these features defeat you.
The main recommendation for long-distance relationships is to transform them into a real relationship as soon as possible. In the virtual world it is easy to create and maintain the image that is desirable or beneficial for a person. It’s easier to put on masks and play certain roles there. Take care of yourself, save time and effort by getting to know the real version of your chosen one.
