Why men cheat and how to survive your husband’s betrayal: advice from a psychologist

Not everyone treats infidelity the same way: for some women, the infidelity of a gentleman is a strong slap in the face, some do not take trips to the left too seriously. However, most girls do not want to be betrayed.

Unfortunately, the fact of betrayal of a loved one in a family is no longer uncommon. This can happen in any married couple. Whether the family will be destroyed after such an act largely depends on the woman’s reaction: she can understand, forgive, or hold a grudge forever.

Reasons for male infidelity

Most men will list several “excuses” to defend their infidelity. The most popular reason is considered to be the replacement of a wife with a young and beautiful nymphet. At a crisis age, when it seems old age is knocking on the door, a man begins to protest and make mistakes.

Many women make the mistake of thinking about replacing them with someone more beautiful and worthy. According to statistics, a man more often leaves for a less attractive girlfriend than his wife. This suggests that external data does not play a role in cheating.

Family education

A lot depends on upbringing and family relationships. Sometimes some kind of trauma, a psychological problem rooted deep in childhood, leads to betrayal. Misogynists are prone to adultery, showing in this way their aggression, which lies in the subconscious. Boys spoiled by their mother’s love and considering themselves “God’s gift” are no exception. They are constantly looking for someone who will idolize him as a mother, which they cannot find in real life, no matter how much their wife loves them.

Feeling like the top of a triangle, for the love of which the whole family is fighting each other, the boy in maturity comes to the fight of two women for his “beloved”, only for this he takes a mistress. There will always be such a triangle in his life, even if his wife changes. In this case, the secret makes no sense; he must see the struggle of the rivals.

Mom and son

But even in a large family, when you yourself have to fight off pieces of love, a fighter grows up, for whom in the future defeating his opponent and taking his woman away becomes the main thing in the relationship. Love has nothing to do with it, the main thing is victory.

It would be a big misconception to believe that a mama’s boy or a “henpecked man” is not capable of treason. Having chosen a caring “mommy” as his wife, he eventually begins to look for a sexual partner. He will never leave his wife, which his mistress is often aware of.

Basically, several options are mixed in one man, which led to infidelity. Treason has many faces. If there is no desire or determination to immediately drive the traitor away, then it is necessary to comprehend and try to understand the reason that prompted the partner to cheat. There is always hope to fix everything.

How to behave if your wife leaves you

But here's a fait accompli: your wife left you. All women do this in different ways: some leave with a scandal, loudly slamming the door, before breaking all the dishes in the house, some leave secretly, leaving a note (some even leave notes), and some find strength in themselves leave peacefully. But no matter how your wife leaves, you need to maintain composure. Under no circumstances is it necessary:

make scandals;
use physical violence;
threaten;
humiliate yourself and beg to return;
solve problems with alcohol.

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It is necessary to wait for some time, give yourself and your wife the opportunity to come to their senses, cool down, think carefully and make a firm decision: what to do next. If you think that your family still has a chance, then you need to use it. After all, the fact that your wife left you does not mean that your feelings have cooled down. Maybe this is her way of making you think and realize your mistakes. If there is no hope for restoring the family, then the best way out is to maintain good relations with each other, because if you have common children, you will have to communicate and meet all your life.

Well, when at least a month has passed, you can begin to take decisive action to get your wife back. First of all, you need to ask yourself, why did your wife leave? As has already been said, a woman will not just leave the family where she was happy. This means that you need to look for the reason, although it is probably known. Women leave their men for the following reasons:

Lack of mutual understanding. The inability to come to an agreement, the lack of common interests lead to quarrels, and ultimately to divorce.
The husband's alcoholism is a problem that has destroyed more than one family.
Physical violence. This problem, as a consequence, follows from the previous one - addiction to alcohol. Having sobered up, the man repents and asks for forgiveness, but then everything repeats itself again, and grievances accumulate in the woman’s soul, which lead to her leaving the family. But violence can also be used by a non-drinking man who is simply rude by nature.
Financial problems and the husband’s reluctance to solve them sooner or later cause divorce.
Excessive jealousy and control on the part of the husband is a manifestation of disrespect and mistrust for the wife.
Problems in intimate life. Over the years, the passion passes, sex life becomes monotonous, and therefore the spouses move away from each other and even start relationships on the side.
Cheating husband. Some women can tolerate their spouse's affairs on the side all their lives, and some are unable to forgive them.
Wife's love. It’s trite, but there are times when a wife takes a lover with whom she falls in love and simply leaves for him. In this case, getting your wife back is much more difficult.

Often all these reasons stem from one another. Thus, alcoholism leads to violence, misunderstanding, problems with sex, and betrayal.

Of course, everyone has their own individual relationship and the reason is also individual. Based on this reason, we need to look for a way out of this situation.

How to survive your husband's betrayal and save your family

Before a woman decides that she is ready to forget or forgive the betrayal, she should weigh the pros and cons and think it through carefully. It is necessary to understand that forgiveness does not come so easily.

When can you forgive your husband for cheating?

if he values relationships;
for the sake of the children;
if he feels guilty;
if he changed after the scandal.

If a husband values his existing relationship with his wife, he will do his best to hide the fact of infidelity. And if this circumstance is revealed, he will do everything in his power to save the family. Perhaps this situation took place in their lives due to a cooled relationship, and the fear of losing his family, on the contrary, refreshed his feelings, and he realized his mistake.

Also, if there are children in the family, it is worth thinking several times about how stressful a scandalous divorce of their parents will be for them. After all, for children, a father is, first of all, their father, he did not betray them, and they do not need to forgive him. But if infidelity is permanent, and the husband is already openly and brazenly behaving in this regard, then, of course, such relationships should be terminated with the least amount of trauma for the child’s psyche.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

When a husband cheats and feels guilty, he himself tries to fix everything and fix it. Shows attention and care, tries to make amends for his guilt. In this case, you should think about forgiving and moving on. However, he should not think that obtaining forgiveness will be so easy. Let him run around, get nervous, experiment with surprises and methods of approaching his wife, then this forgiveness will be valued even more, and the woman will have time to think about everything and make the right decision.

However, if he has absolutely no regard for his wife’s feelings and is ready to continue his campaigns, it is clear that in such an attitude there is neither respect nor a sense of the value of his family. You shouldn't hold on to such a man. The woman’s task is to show how easily she will survive betrayal. Under no circumstances should you waste away and show him your endless affection.

Depression after wife's betrayal. What's really going on?

We do not agree that depression should be treated with medication, since it is as natural a phenomenon of the brain as the banal need to eat. Yes, many recommend eliminating it with pills, but they only contribute to a temporary “switching off” of the brain (a state is created in which it is impossible to make a logical decision, do any mental work (for example, calculations, writing texts, etc.), accept what is said interlocutor, in a word, it is impossible to think rationally). After all, the same symptoms appear without taking medications.

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Remember the most important moments from the past.

Negative:

First fight at school;
F on the test;
Belt from dad;
Loss of a favorite toy;
etc…

Positive:

Victory in competitions;
First kiss with the most beautiful classmate;
A in the exam;
and others…

With negative moments from childhood, you experienced a temporary surge of emotions, but it is not vital, and when your wife cheated, depression became the only condition, since you claimed lifelong coexistence with her and during the cohabitation you became one (the same condition awaits everyone when loss of parents, loved ones, large failed investments, business, etc.).

Mistakes women make when caught cheating

Espionage. You shouldn't spy on a loving couple. It adds neither pride nor dignity.
Tears and humiliation. Out of pity, a man will definitely not want to return, and if he does, what kind of a compassionate marriage will it be... Marriage is a relationship based on mutual respect, not on pity. So, first of all, we must not forget about pride.
Notify everyone around you about the betrayal. Everyone has enough problems of their own. When other people's problems and misfortunes are blamed on them, few will be delighted. At most, they can gossip about this topic behind their back. And if the wife forgets about the betrayal, they may also giggle at the scandalous couple.
You shouldn’t burden yourself even more and find out details about your mistress. This will do nothing but cause more negativity.