What are the causes of complexes?
Why don't I love myself? There can be many reasons
And they are individual for each person. But there are the main ones that occur most often:
- Self-doubt coming from childhood.
Complexes arise in us in our early years. Often parents, without noticing it themselves, undermine our self-confidence. “,Your hands are growing from the wrong place,” “, Katya wrote the test perfectly, but you can’t even do that,” “, With grades like that, you’ll only have to become a janitor when you grow up,”, “, All you can do is walk and play with your toys at the computer! You’re no use,” did you often hear something like that as a child? Then it is not surprising that now there is no self-confidence or love. - Comparison with others. You probably don’t even notice that, while scrolling through social networks, you think about how good everything is for everyone and how bad it is for you. Everyone has a beautiful life, stylish clothes, a toned figure, endless fans, trips all over the world and much more. What do you have? Hated work and evening in front of TV? And how can you love yourself?
- Obsession with your shortcomings. Do you constantly think that you could have a more interesting appearance, be taller, have a slimmer figure, and have a better character? If you constantly think about it and don’t work on yourself, your complexes will only grow and your attitude towards yourself will worsen.
Take the self-hate test:
Is it good to be selfish?
It’s bad to be an egoist, if we talk about selfishness in its purest form. Then a person’s entire life is built on satisfying exclusively his own needs without taking into account the interests of other people.
This is the philosophy of a consumer who knows only one word, “want”. He doesn’t care what consequences his actions entail, what price his loved ones pay for his behavior.
The habit of invariably getting what you want gradually leads to the complete loss of friends. Human relationships are always built on the principle of compromise, I give you something in exchange for what I need.
This can be an exchange of material goods, emotions, feelings, guarantees, etc.
For example, a husband cares about his wife and wants to receive reciprocal manifestations of love.
receives complete indifference in response to his care then gradually the desire to show care will be replaced by resentment and irritation.
As a result, the relationship will collapse. A similar law applies in all areas of relationships between people.
Egoists themselves destroy their lives due to their unwillingness to take into account the interests of others , due to their inability to understand their internal problems.
Ultimately, one can observe an absolutely unhappy person , torn by contradictions, who makes all his loved ones unhappy.
A completely different picture emerges when egoism has a healthy form. The individual realizes that his interests are of the highest value to him. At the same time, he does not satisfy his desires by neglecting the interests of other people.
Any action is performed from the position of obtaining the desired result, but with an eye to the existing principles of morality and morality.
If achieving a goal could lead to harm to other people, then the person finds ways to resolve the situation without harming other people.
In this case, he can completely abandon his desires , postpone the resolution of the issue to another time, rethink the situation, set priorities differently, etc.
That is, the individual shows flexibility of thinking, respect for the laws of social life, but at the same time always remembers his individual interests.
Such behavior is typical of mature individuals who are aware of their responsibility to society.
Such people know how to find compromises and build harmonious relationships with others without losing their sense of self-worth.
At the same time, such behavior often brings quite tangible material results ; people who respect others achieve a high social position and professional recognition. They have extensive social contacts because people are happy to interact with them.
Such reasonable egoism can extend not only to oneself, but also to loved ones. For example, caring about the well-being of your own children is also a kind of selfishness. But it is natural and rational if the interests of other people are not violated.
Without the healthy egoism of people, society would not exist. All achievements of mankind are based on the emergence in people of a desire to satisfy emerging needs and achieve their goals.
The selfish desire to live well makes you move forward and do things. Such a positive phenomenon as altruism could not have arisen without initial egoism.
To show concern for the weak, you need to stand on your own two feet .
Only by satisfying his own interests does a person become able to help other people.
So, thinking about yourself is not a bad thing.
This is an absolutely natural trait inherent in any sane person. In this self-love, it is important not to forget about the interests of other people, maintaining a certain balance.
Definition of self-love
Who is a proud person and an egoist? Who is a person who loves only himself?
Self-esteem is the tendency to evaluate oneself and one’s strengths quite highly.
At the same time, along with this quality also comes increased sensitivity and vulnerability in relation to the opinions of others about oneself.
Selfishness is the next step after selfishness. A person no longer just values himself highly, but puts himself first in all matters.
It is important to understand that neither pride nor selfishness will give you a correct assessment of your actions. This is a distorted view of yourself.
The higher the self-esteem, the more painfully a person reacts to opinions about himself and to criticism from the outside.
What is sick pride, wounded or injured pride? What does a blow to pride ?
When a person is greatly offended by the opinions of others about himself and it seems to him that people underestimate him, they speak of a sick or damaged pride.
Any criticism is perceived painfully and greatly offends . Moreover, these may not necessarily be just words; some action can also be a blow to pride.
About the pros and cons of being selfish in this video:
How to get rid of the victim complex? Advice from psychologists will help you!
How selfishness manifests itself in men
The main feature of male egoism is satisfying one’s own needs and desires without taking into account the desires and needs of others.
Example 1:
A man stops by the store after work to buy groceries for home. He didn’t call his loved ones and didn’t clarify what he needed to buy, whether there were any wishes, he went to the store because he thinks it’s the right thing to do, and it’s his responsibility to buy groceries. Therefore, he buys what he eats and what he considers necessary.
So 4 large packs of mayonnaise and identical jars of canned food can live in the refrigerator. Cheap pasta is piling up in the cupboard; no one eats it; under the sink there are identical bottles of cheap household chemicals that are not used. And so on.
Or another moment, he remembered that his son loves bananas. Now he buys them every time on his way home. At the same time, he does not take into account that last week his son developed an allergy to bananas, so his wife asked him not to buy them.
That is, he seemed to show concern, went to the store and did some shopping, but in fact he did what was important for himself, without taking into account the wishes and preferences of his household.
Example 2:
The man came home from work and collapsed on the sofa to play tanks on the phone/watch TV, saying that it had been a hard day, he was fed up with everyone, and he wanted to rest.
At the same time, the faucet in the kitchen has been leaking in the house for a week, the renovation in the bathroom is still not completed, there is a parent-teacher meeting at school today, and my daughter needs to be picked up from a dance. And so on day after day. Sometimes a man finds enlightenment, and he suddenly quickly begins to finish and correct everything, although it doesn’t last long.
This example clearly shows that a man puts his work and his rest in first place, and the needs of the rest of the household follow a residual principle.
Other examples:
- A man demands respect for himself, that his opinion be taken into account and that they act as he wants, but does not take into account whether his household members can or want to do this now, they have the strength and capabilities.
- A man earns money, provides for his family, wife, children and considers this enough, forgetting that in human relationships the main thing is not money, but the time spent together.
- A man avoids responsibility for himself and his family in every possible way, does not make decisions and shifts them to others.
Conclusion:
Male egoism is always based on satisfying, first of all, one’s own needs, desires and desires, without taking into account the wishes and needs of others. When my word, my desire, my opinion, my mood and state at the moment is the most important, and everything else is not important.
As a result, male egoism leads to the fact that a man either degrades more and more, going into despoticism, or infantilism or narcissism.
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