We approached the preparation of this article very responsibly. It contains materials from various published publications, conferences, trainings and of course personal experience. The article is filled with practical advice, the awareness and application of which will certainly lead to changes in your life. We'll tell you where to start. Each person must determine further actions for himself individually, in accordance with what he wants to receive. Well, let's go! How to change your life for the better.
How to change your life for the better
Where do thoughts about life changes come from?
Everyone wants to be happy, but in order to make the dream come true, sitting and waiting in one place is not enough. Therefore we have to act.
At first thoughts come that say that that’s enough, this is no longer possible! And they, in turn, materialize into actions. This, of course, with a responsible approach to your own life. After all, without doing anything to change the situation, you can bring yourself to a moral emptiness (which is very undesirable, since it is difficult to get out of there). In this regard, whenever the mind and soul are prompted to action, one should immediately begin making the first attempts to change one’s life.
First steps - where to start making changes?
Everyone intuitively knows and feels that it is better to start with yourself . But it is very difficult to do this, and, in general, the first steps are always the most difficult. But the essence of the problem also lies in the fact that it is necessary to choose the only correct path along which it will be necessary to go, without turning, for some time. And also decide what exactly you would like to achieve. To do this you need:
- Conduct a little research into your life and your own “I”. Think about what aspects you would like to correct, make better, what you don’t like at all, and what aspects it would be desirable to largely eliminate. It is easier to carry out such work not in the mind, but on a piece of paper, writing down all the exciting points, separating, of course, the positive from the negative.
- Then you need to write down each position, that is, write opposite what you want - why you want to achieve this and how to achieve the goal. Those items on the list that have a negative connotation should also be written down, and then crossed out and forgotten about them.
All you need to start changing is a piece of paper and a pen! Why is it so important to write down?! Yes, because it’s very difficult to take it and start changing right away! By writing, you put your thoughts in order. Order in your head means order in your life. For more information about this, read our article: How to write down goals correctly and why it is needed
It is precisely this action - writing down your desires, aspirations, needs on a piece of paper - that is the first step towards changing your life, becoming better! It's time for change! A checklist helps you most accurately determine your goal and understand what needs to be removed from your life and what needs to be added in order for it to satisfy you.
A start! But you cannot expect instant improvements, transformations and metamorphoses. This process is quite long and difficult. You need to have a lot of patience. Expecting quick changes can only ruin the whole mood, which will lead to an inevitable breakdown and a return to one’s “trough.”
To change your life you need to tirelessly, constantly work on yourself. It is possible that at first bad thoughts will swarm in your head, your mind will look for all sorts of evidence that happiness is the lot of other people, etc. Almost everyone who has embarked on the path of positive change sins with this. The main thing is not to stop, pull yourself together and continue! And in order not to slip back into your previous attitudes again, you need to use the following recommendations and ways to change your life in a positive direction.
October 3, 2018
Asya Gorskaya Started with classical music education, served in law enforcement agencies, and eventually came to psychology and coaching. She shares her experience of personal transformation and professionally helps others change their lives and achieve their goals.
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Spring, favorite month of May. I’m rushing to Stavropol, I’ve been driving for two hours already. I love a long route - a rare opportunity to be alone with myself, think about my life...
Something doesn't work with English. I’ve been studying for three years, but it seems like I’m marking time. During this time, others are already beginning to speak and understand freely, but I still have to plow and plow...
So, erased, erased, erased, we discard emotions and reason logically.
My seriously ill mother-in-law has been living with me for five years. I have been raising my little granddaughter for more than two years. I’ve been going to Stavropol for almost a year and a half to get an education in psychology. I fly to Moscow to study coaching. I work as a deputy head of a department. And in general, I am 53 years old, and I am the most Caucasian woman. Do I still find time to study English? Wow! Aaaaaaah, cool!
The emotions are so overwhelming that I scream with delight! It's good that the track is half empty. It is unlikely that drivers will consider me adequate. Although... What's the difference?! Covered.
An unexpected reaction for such a reserved person like me. While serving in law enforcement agencies, she calmly approached the implementation of even the most complex developments. I simply turned over the next page with satisfaction and moved on. But there is something special here!
Not broken, not lost. I find the time, strength and opportunity to change my life. I get tired, I sag periodically, but I get up and move on. Despite everything.
A few years ago, there was a feeling that the worst life scenario was repeating itself. Once upon a time I already went through something similar in intensity of passions.
However, this time fate gave me such a “magic kick” that pushed me out of the vicious circle. I began to listen not only to the demands of severe necessity, but also to myself, and at the same time I learned a lot of interesting and not always pleasant things.
You need to believe in yourself. Feel the situation, use sober calculation or intuition in time, or even healthy adventurism. If there is also strong support from like-minded people, then the energy and desire to continue the chosen path increases many times over. Illustration by: Syudeep Mukhurji
Gradually, year after year, I developed a set of rules and habits that helped me radically change my life. I'm sharing some of them.
1. Stop feeling like a victim and realize that we create our own lives
No one is the cause of our happiness or unhappiness. Only we create reality through our action or inaction. It's just a matter of choice. The Almighty is always there, but it is up to us to decide when and how the next step will be taken.
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And there is no need to feel sorry for yourself: to love - yes, to feel sorry - no.
The position of a victim is depleting, multiplies resentment, and takes away a huge amount of energy that should be directed toward creation. In such a state it is impossible to objectively assess what is happening. Other people's actions are seen through the prism of accumulated grievances, which leads to disappointment.
If you don’t want to experience the invigorating effects of the boomerang effect, it’s better not to burden your life with criticism of others. The Chechens have a proverb: “What you condemn comes to you.”
Soviet education and the national mentality instilled in the minds of my peers aged 50+ many beliefs that bind us hand and foot. It would seem that times have changed, and we have a lot of life experience behind us. However, the majority still fearfully look around with the thought: “What will people say?”
People can say anything, but what will they say to themselves when they realize: they wasted their life, adapting to circumstances and other people’s opinions?
2. Consciously introduce gratitude into your life
Take a few minutes to reflect in silence. For example, immediately after waking up or before going to bed. And it’s better to write down what comes to mind. For example, you can remember five events of the past day that pleased and inspired you. Immediately throughout the day, add to your mental treasury of happiness those for which you can say thank you to the Almighty, fate, circumstances, close people or complete strangers.
Thanks to such an internal attitude, focusing on positive aspects, the outside world inevitably begins to respond with amazing changes - people and opportunities appear that one could only dream of before.
For me, this process began in the 90s. The collapse of the country, the economy is destroyed. Our family was brought to military service in a remote area of the Magadan region with an extreme climate. In our small homeland there is a war in which we suffered a lot of grief.
Then the understanding came that we need to be grateful to fate for the simplest things that many people are deprived of .
However, I introduced the practice of conscious gratitude into my life several years ago, when fate began to test my strength again. But not by climate and war, but by family dramas and tragedies.
3. Find a teacher (coach) who will teach you how to correctly define goals, identify the essence of problems, and work through tasks faster and better.
Especially when you consider that a person in his 50s usually has less time to maneuver than someone who is a couple of decades younger.
Good teachers go through their pain and gain knowledge from other wise teachers. Having digested the experience gained in the cauldron of life’s storms, they come up with a unique formula for growth, which they cannot help but share with the world. This is their calling.
However, you need to find the person you can trust. What kind of energy does it emit? What does he tell the world, what does he write about on his pages on social networks? Calls for a healthy lifestyle, but he has unhealthy bags under his eyes? He talks about spirituality, but he himself has a dull, lifeless look? How sincere and whole do you see this person?
4. Surround yourself with people who inspire and support you in moving towards new goals
Most often, the wings of those closest to you are clipped, preventing you from taking flight after your dreams.
Yes, of course, they want the best:
they wish well, trying to protect against risky mistakes and disappointments;
they want to maintain a comfortable way of life for themselves, shamelessly using other people’s time and financial resources;
are critical of the decisions of their relatives, who are ready at this age for serious changes, because there is public opinion, the rules of the game established by someone, etc.
However, you need to believe in yourself. Feel the situation, use sober calculation or intuition in time, or even healthy adventurism. If there is also powerful support from like-minded people, then the energy and desire to continue the chosen path increases many times over.
5. Purposefully record your achievements
Constantly check with what has already been accomplished from what was planned. This adds value to the events that take place.
It’s best to write a few lines about your victories and useful deeds before going to bed. It’s a good idea to keep a diary for these purposes. This will make it easier to track progress and remember your exploits. And don’t be shy about praising yourself. Especially at night, so that you can sleep well.
As a perfectionist with half a century of experience, I am periodically overwhelmed by self-criticism. For example, regarding learning English - my old dream, which is very slowly coming true (so it sometimes seems to me).
Three years ago my eldest son got married. I decided that now I can definitely afford foreign language courses. However, the young people lived together for about nine months, and then the young mother died during childbirth. The child was saved. My granddaughter stayed and lives with me. Plus my disabled mother-in-law, who needs constant care.
The baby is an extraordinary miracle! A very smart, hyperactive child. Everything is according to the program with her: colic, teething, diarrhea, fever, first steps, first floors of shelves, second floors of shelves, wallpaper...
And I also have a job that feeds me. Infinite thanks to my colleagues for their support and understanding.
So my foreign language training switched to the “English while driving” format for a year. Stale brains did not perceive much, but pronunciation was practiced. After some time, I was able to move on to lessons with teachers online.
I want to move faster, but I can’t. What to do? In this case, nothing unusual: continue classes at your own pace and notice the changes.
6. Do regular exercise, take walks in the fresh air, eat right
She discovered America, right? It is clear that without this it is impossible to maintain a healthy body and spirit. It doesn’t always work out: circumstances, force majeure, lack of money for a fitness club and other important reasons interfere. Time and money will be found later - for doctors and medicines.
But to do a set of useful physical exercises, special conditions are not always required.
You're stuck in front of the computer at work, your thoughts don't want to enter your bright head at all, you're falling asleep.
If the office format allows it or you have managed to put together a group of like-minded people, try replacing a cup of coffee at your workplace with light office gymnastics for five to ten minutes (stretching, squatting).
Our body misses such exercises and responds with pleasure with warm energy. Very effective! Do good old pictures about industrial gymnastics at Soviet enterprises come to mind? Then the cheerful voice of the announcer with a piano soundtrack resounded from the radio over the huge workshops.
It’s a pity that this culture is a thing of the past; it would be nice to modernize it.
As for our food, I have learned from my own experience that arthrosis of the shoulder joint, for example, can be eliminated within three to four months through a well-ordered diet. And there was a moment at the age of 50 when I began to think that I would never be able to clasp my hands behind my back.
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Our food is our medicine.
7. Dream and make dreams come true! It's never too late to set new bold goals!
For many years I dreamed of getting behind the wheel. For 26 years my driver's license lay idle.
At 43, I decided it was time to dust them off. The Caucasian husband was not at all interested, so she bought a used Russian car on credit. Hatchback, dark gray metallic, dense tinting all around (it was simpler then).
My car seemed to me the best in the world, we went through so much together! A few years later, already the owner of a foreign car, I got behind the wheel of a car of the same model. Oh no, mine couldn't be like that!
A terrible panel, terrible plastic, crooked doors... But the first car, like the first love, is forever in the soul. Now my husband is happy that there is a driver nearby. I’m so glad that I took such a step ten years ago!
As a teenager I really wanted to jump with a parachute. Mom said, as she snapped: “I have six children, and each one is dear to me.” She returned to her dream at the age of 42, overcame her fear and descended from a thousand-meter height three times. I'm still proud of it!
I recently asked my fitness instructor, casually, just like that: “After fifty, is it really possible to do the splits?” She answered immediately, without thinking, as if she was ready for this: “Age has nothing to do with it, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is psychological readiness to go through physical pain.”
It seems I'm not the only one who asked this question. Her words sank into my soul.
There are dozens of years ahead, they need to be filled with something high-quality. But it is vitally important to set goals and take action correctly.
Proof of this is the example of one of my relatives. By the age of 50, she developed a fear of pain and death. She suffered from high blood pressure and joint pain. At the same time, I couldn’t refuse fried, spicy, salty, smoked, pickled foods. I almost stopped moving, distracted from my pain by watching television series. But I really wanted to live, so I determined to hold out at least until I was seventy years old. She made it. Her fate today is sad, and this creates many difficulties for her loved ones.
As if you were there, at your goal. When is this and where? Who's next to you? What do you see, feel, smell? Why is this important to you? And for whom else? Where are you now on a scale of one to ten? What steps are you ready to take in the next 24 hours to start moving towards your goal? Take action!
8. Remember your uniqueness
There is no other woman like her: with this soul, life experience, manner of speaking, gait, gaze, turn of the head, hairstyle, hair color...
We certainly did not come to Earth to replenish the ranks of the cemetery.
What is the meaning of my particular life path? What is my mission? What will I leave behind? Each of us should think about this. Not to make a revolution - not a woman’s path at all. But to develop and change the world with you. It's never too late!
Self-development #Opportunities #Age
