How to become kinder to people and yourself: effective tips

Many people are familiar with feelings of resentment, aggression and internal dissatisfaction, which usually arise in response to failure, defeat in a fight, or loss. Anger and bursting malice are not the best advisers in resolving conflicts and life problems. People understand the destructive, destructive nature of their feelings and think about how to stop being angry and irritable, how to become a kind person.

Make kindness a habit

Popular blogger Leo Babauta claims that kindness, like any other habit, can be developed by every person. To do this, you need to focus on it every day for a month.

Directed concentration can change your life for the better. This will help you become kinder not only to others, but also to yourself:

Every morning, think of a good deed and carry it out throughout the day.
When communicating, be friendly and compassionate, even if the other person is angry, nervous, or irritating.
Try meditation, use loving-kindness meditation (metta).

Say no to judgment

Truly kind people are open to different opinions and accept others with their weaknesses and shortcomings. Constant criticism of others only embitters and deprives you of strength.

If you are used to thinking badly about others, you think that there are no worthy people around and everyone is somehow different, try to find the reason in yourself. Remember that:

Those who criticize and gossip will not be able to move beyond their intentions to become kinder.
Being kind means thinking well of others.

It is always easier to judge another than to understand. Focus on wanting to help rather than judging anyone, including yourself. Psychologist Natalia Kholodenko reminds us of this.

Why is it better to be kind?

A state of internal harmony has a beneficial effect on health and appearance. Physiognomy is the science of determining a person’s psychotype by appearance; it is based on the principle of balance, the balance between mental and physical characteristics. Any internal contradiction is reflected in the appearance of the individual. Mental changes and disorders provoked by stress are displayed on the face. Everyone knows what a person looks like when he is overwhelmed by anger and irritability.

Facial features become tense, “frozen”, facial wrinkles clearly appear, the muscles of the forehead move down, forming a frowning or threatening expression. In this case, the face usually turns red, the nostrils widen, the lips compress tightly or their corners move far back, exposing the teeth and forming a kind of aggressive grin.

In comparison with the described portrait of an angry individual, the face of a happy person looks different. The outer corners of his lips are raised, his facial muscles are relaxed, his eyes are calm, expressing inner satisfaction and peace. It is clear that in the first case the person makes an unpleasant impression, but in the second he evokes sympathy and looks attractive. It remains to answer the question, which of them would you like to be like? Other reasons to become more patient and calm and learn how to become kinder:

Health. A responsive, friendly person gets sick less often because he does not subject the nervous system to overstrain without good reason.
Success in any area of life. It is pleasant and comfortable to communicate with a person who literally radiates positive energy. He gets to know people easily. They happily meet and respond to his proposals, so he achieves high results in his career, builds happy personal relationships, and achieves his goals.
Self-development. Positive character qualities stimulate personal growth. The origins of the need for self-improvement are dissatisfaction with oneself, the desire for social approval, the desire to look like a worthy member of society in the eyes of others. An intelligent person understands that there is no limit to perfection, and each personality can be improved endlessly. Self-development involves the pursuit of kindness and responsiveness. Self-improvement of an individual is possible if she realizes the need for such aspirations.

Statistics show that people with a negative type of thinking are more susceptible to developing depression and neuroses than those who have an approving and positive attitude towards the world. Envy, resentment, and anger worsen general well-being, cause physical weakness and mental fatigue. To get rid of anger within yourself and negative emotions such as anger and irritation, you need to learn to take care of yourself.

Psychologists advise treating yourself with love and praising yourself for the slightest achievements and successes. This will lead to peace of mind. When an individual is in harmony with himself, it is easier for him to become equanimous and calm, not to get hung up on irritating external factors such as envy, the desire to offend or humiliate, coming from others.

Show caring and compassion

Let judgment be replaced by care and compassion. Kindness is demonstrated by genuinely caring about others and understanding their needs, desires, hopes and fears. To develop a kind attitude towards others:

Practice generosity, learn to share without regret.
Don't ask for anything in return. Good deeds do not imply promises or conditions for the person to whom they are addressed.
Be compassionate towards others. Remember that other people are experiencing uncertainty, pain, difficulty, sadness, disappointment and loss.
When performing any action towards another, ask yourself the question “Am I doing a good deed?” If the answer is no, reconsider your intention.

Kindness helps you cope with the negative emotions of others and maintain warm relationships. Care, according to philosopher Anna Kiryanova, prolongs life.

How to develop a sense of kindness

Psychologists recommend carefully choosing your social circle, giving preference to positive, friendly, kind-hearted people. The social environment and surroundings have a significant impact on a person and can change his psychotype even in adulthood. Basic principles of working on yourself:

To be polite. Remember to use polite words, which include “thank you,” “thank you,” “please,” “excuse me,” “excuse me.” Give compliments to loved ones, colleagues, and friends more often.
Smile, perceive the world around you positively, treat other people with understanding and compassion. The right attitude will help you avoid negative emotions. Give your smile to those around you, and a positive response will warm you up on the stormiest day.
Provide assistance to people in need (whenever possible). You don’t have to devote your whole weekend to working at a hospice or volunteering to help socially maladjusted people in everyday life. Elementary acts of kindness are expressed in simple acts. You can move an elderly person across a busy highway, offer to carry a heavy bag to a woman with a stroller, or give up a seat in public transport or in a queue if someone is late. Approving words and moral support provided to colleagues, relatives, and friends who find themselves in difficult life situations are a powerful tool for self-education that works flawlessly.
Correct moments of bad mood. If for any reason there is a feeling of dissatisfaction, annoyance, disappointment, dissatisfaction with yourself or the actions of others, you should not give in to negative emotions. It is much more useful to focus on the positive moments in life, even if they are insignificant.
Show tolerance. If the behavior of other people irritates and causes rejection, this is not a reason to condemn and blame.
Develop empathy (the ability to empathize). The easiest way to express sympathy is to tell the person that you understand his condition and feelings. If you bring the habit to automaticity, a feeling of real compassion for others will come. The psychological technique of self-hypnosis works. When a person repeats any phrase 10 times, he begins to believe in it.
Learn to mentally put yourself in someone else's shoes. If a colleague, relative, or acquaintance behaves in a way that makes you angry, you need to imagine yourself in his place for a minute and try to understand the reasons for his actions.
Be grateful. Any positive action addressed to you should be accepted with gratitude. If there is no one to thank, then we are talking about selective perception of external information, when the bad is taken into account and the good is ignored.

The main rule that you need to remember when trying to be calmer and kinder to people is free, selfless participation in their fate, as Christian wisdom teaches, after doing good, you don’t need to expect gratitude. If negative emotions run high, a few simple tips will come in handy to tell you how to release your anger:

Sports activities. Active training in the fresh air or in the gym will help relieve nervous tension and switch to a positive one.
Frank dialogue. If the cause of psychological discomfort is the words or actions of another person, it is better to talk to him, express your arguments, listen to his arguments and come to a consensus - a decision that will suit both.
Creation. The development of creative potential helps to get rid of negative energy. Any pleasant, enjoyable activity or favorite hobby will help you become happy, make you more tolerant and balanced.

Psychologists do not advise constantly restraining and suppressing negative emotions. If you do this often, they accumulate and destroy the nervous system from the inside. In such cases, it is better to “let off steam” and return to a state of mental balance. This does not mean that you need to throw out negativity on the people around you. There are other ways. To quickly overcome unpleasant feelings such as anger and aggression, you need to:

Scream loudly. To accomplish their plans, people usually go down into a highway or railway tunnel.
Punch a stuffed animal, a punching bag, or any other soft object (so as not to damage your hands).
Have sex.
Turn on your favorite music. Recent studies show that melodic, light, calm compositions help lower the level of the stress hormone - cortisol.
Talk it out. It doesn’t matter who will act as a listener, it doesn’t matter to hear answers or advice. It is important to openly talk out loud about problems and things that bother you.
Change the situation radically. If you have never been to a nightclub, a wax museum, an exhibition of military equipment, or an original restaurant, the time has come to make a visit to the country of the unknown and incomprehensible. New emotions and impressions will displace negative feelings and calm the typhoon of passions raging in the soul.

Be lenient

Psychotherapist Andrei Kurpatov reminds us that showing kindness, especially to ourselves, is often hampered by perfectionism, competition, eternal haste and a fast pace of life. If you are afraid of appearing lazy and selfish, you can easily become rigid and forget the importance of kindness. For this reason, it is important to forgive yourself and others.

If you have made a mistake, do not worry and compare yourself with others. Show compassion for yourself and do the same for others. People do most of the things we are unhappy with unintentionally and will act differently if asked to do so.

What are the causes of internal hatred?

To become kinder and calmer, you should first of all turn to the origins of negative emotions , determine the causes of anger and irritability.

They may be as follows:

Internal conflict . A person may have internal contradictions, which will result in the accumulation of negative emotions. However, they do not necessarily have to remain hidden - any situation can become a trigger when these emotions are released. As a result, even a minor external stimulus provokes a surge of a whole stream of aggression, and such a reaction can make a person feel angry and leads to misunderstandings in his relationships with others.
Envy .
The success of others can also provoke aggression and irritability. They arise due to a person’s feeling of unfulfillment of his own potential and dissatisfaction with his position.
Family problems . If there are frequent conflicts with loved ones or the constant presence of unresolved family problems, it will be quite difficult for a person to adapt to society, as well as get rid of aggression, since each situation will reflexively be considered as negative or leading to conflicts.
Hormonal imbalance or changes. In this case, it can be very difficult for a person to understand the motive for his own aggression - after the hormonal levels are restored, the situation that provoked the conflict or negative feeling may seem trivial. For this reason, remorse and a negative assessment of one’s own behavior may arise.
Fatigue. The lack of proper rest leads to a person’s defensive reaction to a minor external stimulus - any situation can provoke discontent or open conflict.
Environment .
Some types of people are incompatible, but there are situations when they are forced to cooperate - for example, during professional activities. Also, irritation and aggression can be an absolutely adequate reaction to unfair treatment of a person, manipulation, and conflict situations consciously provoked by others.

Be optimistic

Kindness consists of happiness, joy and gratitude. Blogger Anastacia Kay reminds us how important it is to learn to see the good in people, to believe in humanity and that any difficulties, despair and cruelty can be overcome. In addition, a positive attitude and sense of humor help to calmly accept life's contradictions and difficult moments.

Maintaining optimism can be difficult; looking for the good around you will help:

Pay attention to positive news and limit your consumption of negative content.
Learn to enjoy the successes of others.
Read inspiring books and watch movies about happy people.

Essay: How can a person cultivate kindness in himself?

(355 words) To cultivate kindness in yourself, you need to honestly and conscientiously go through the thorny path of life. If life is easy and carefree, this does not contribute to the internal development and moral improvement of a person. And as we go through suffering and find ourselves in difficult life situations, we begin to feel the pain and joy of other people more keenly, and we become much kinder. To support my statement, I will give literary examples.

Let us remember Yeshua Ha-Nozri from the novel by M.A. Bulgakov "The Master and Margarita". This is a poor preacher who could not boast of an easy life. He was not burdened with wealth and status, so he saw the suffering of the people, experienced it himself, and therefore could sympathize and help them with a kind word. Even when he was in custody and brought before the procurator of Judea, he never ceased to believe that there were good people around him: “There are no evil people in the world.” Of course, it was extremely difficult for Yeshua. They were preparing to condemn him to execution. And yet he never ceased to believe in the best in man and hope that fate would be favorable to him. He cultivated a similar worldview in himself, having honestly gone through difficulties and suffering without the help of his mother and father, without the protection of friends, without cunning and cruelty. Only a highly moral life “according to conscience” makes a person kinder.

Another example of kindness and moral purity can be the image of Masha Mironova from A.S. Pushkin’s story “The Captain’s Daughter”. Although her parents considered the girl a coward, she was not afraid to commit a heroic act and turn to the court lady for help, and in fact to the empress herself, in order to save her beloved Peter Grinev from the trial. Masha has experienced a lot of grief - as the plot develops, she remains an orphan, almost becomes the forced bride of officer Shvabrin, and experiences the arrest of her loved one. All these sufferings and difficulties helped the naive young lady become a kind and noble woman, because she knew from personal experience the pain that a lack of virtue causes people. Therefore, she could never resort to cruelty, indifference and cowardice. Thus, a benevolent attitude towards people became the basis of her worldview.

Thus, only by honestly and independently going through the thorny path of life, people cultivate kindness in themselves. The suffering experienced not only contributes to the improvement of a person, but also shapes him as a person, persistent and courageous, capable of independent decisions, and in the process of honest work he learns the importance of mutual assistance, compassion and responsiveness in society.

Author: Margarita Guskova

Be friendly

Candidate of Psychological Sciences I. G. Doroshina writes that kind people are friendly. They sincerely expect good things from others and know how to win people over. For this it is important:

To be polite. Politeness is not a sign of kindness, but sincerely expressing this character trait demonstrates respect for the person you are communicating with. This is a great way to grab a person's attention and be heard.
Monitor your style and manner of communication. Analyze how you behave in certain situations, remember those people with whom you enjoy communicating. Try to become the same easy and pleasant person to communicate with.
Behave with dignity. Do not be familiar with new acquaintances, but do not ingratiate yourself either.
Give sincere compliments.
Smile more and don’t be shy to share positive emotions with the world.

How to become a kind person?

Every person since childhood has a dream of becoming someone: an actor, a lawyer, an artist, a doctor, an athlete... Dreams of becoming famous, successful, gaining status in society prevent us from remembering the most important things. Few people set their main goal to become a Human. A person who does not care about fame or endless estates. A man with a huge letter!

Chasing success, people tend to forget what is truly the greatest treasure in the whole world - kindness. Many now may disagree with this, citing many examples of good deeds and deeds. This, of course, deserves praise, but now we are not talking about the number of good deeds, but about doing them not for show, but with the soul.

What could be more wonderful than the feeling that the help provided can become salvation for someone? And it is very easy to become a good person. You need to stop for a minute and think why people are given life. They say that beauty will save the world. No, there's no point in denying it. You just need to add one small detail - the beauty of the SOUL will save the world.

Some people believe that kindness is a weakness, a lack of character, and a liability in such a cruel world. This is an absolute mistake. After all, it is a strong person who is able to show empathy and kindness to others; for the weak, all actions are only in words. Kindness fills people with incredible energy, which leads to spiritual enrichment and improvement.

Research in medicine and psychology shows that positive emotions are an extremely powerful and important aspect for increasing life expectancy. People with negative thinking are more susceptible to illness, low mood and depression. Envy, resentment, feelings of revenge and anger cause deterioration of well-being and weakness in a person. And it is worth drawing the conclusion that such a lifestyle leads to moral decline, first of all, for this person and only then for the people around her.

Advice to everyone who wants to change themselves, become kinder and happier:

You need to start every day with gratitude. Thanks to my parents for giving me life, thanks for the opportunity to live and create my own world.
Be optimistic. Even without enormous means, everyone has a chance to achieve what they want. The main thing is to believe in yourself. And in order to achieve your cherished desires, you need to start with yourself.
Give people your smile, because it is the basis of a good mood. And he, in turn, is the key to a successful day.
Treat others with understanding. Showing sensitivity and compassion means being a help to those who need it.
Be able to forgive. All the anger that accumulates in human thoughts returns to themselves. It's like looking in the mirror and seeking revenge. Such thoughts will become a burden that will not allow you to move forward.
Be sincere and selfless. True attitude is always felt. Don't try to be perfect or do good things for show. Even a small good deed done sincerely is valued twice as much as imaginary charity.
Be less critical. Criticism, even for good reasons, is most often perceived as an insult or judgment and can cause conflict. You need to try to see, first of all, the advantages in a given situation, because the first glance can be deceiving.
Do good deeds, help others. We must learn to set ourselves the goal of doing something good every day. It may even be a small thing, but it is done with sincere intentions. And there is no doubt that kindness will definitely return.
Generosity is one of the manifestations of human kindness. If there is an opportunity to share with someone who needs it, you should definitely do it.
Do not spare kind words for others. Regular gratitude, praise or support will improve communication, give you a good mood and confidence. Indifference is the result of selfishness and callousness.

To become a good person, you must first of all give the attitude expected in return. You can't expect someone to treat you well if you treat them differently. And don't wait for someone to take the first step. We must be an example for others. And then the return is guaranteed.

Be interested in people

How to become kinder: Freepick
Truly kind people are friendly and open to others not because they need something from them. This is really interesting to them, they want everyone to live happily and harmoniously.

To be kinder, develop an interest in others, pay attention to them:

Ask people about their business not out of necessity, but sincerely.
Show interest in hobbies, interests, family.
Ask about important events in life.
Don't forget to say good luck before a difficult exam or interview.
In conversations, focus on the other person, not on yourself.
Don't use gadgets during a conversation.
Call your friends just like that.

Be grateful

A kind person easily expresses gratitude and always does so. He takes nothing for granted and is grateful for any help. It is important to say thank you from the bottom of your heart, write thank you cards, and not feel embarrassed about the help you receive.

Cultivate gratitude. You can, for example, keep a gratitude diary or every evening remember three things for which you are ready to say thank you on this day to people and life in general.

Attention to acts of kindness addressed to oneself stimulates readiness to reciprocate acts of kindness. Knowing and understanding how a kind attitude feels, you will want to give this feeling to others.

Do charity work

One way to show kindness is to donate unwanted personal items to a charity or help those in financial need. Clothes, books, household items - someone will definitely need something that someone else has long ceased to need. Feel free to give things to those who need them more.

Every person wants to live in a good world, surrounded by good people. To achieve this, it is enough to start with yourself and try to give the world and others more positive emotions, care, compassion, acceptance and gratitude. The world will certainly respond in kind.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/1586792-kak-stat-dobree-spokoynee/