What is envy
Envy has nothing to do with others.
Friends and acquaintances definitely wouldn’t want to be the reason for your bad mood. On the contrary, they are confident that they will please their loved ones with their new achievements. This means envy is an emotion that depends on us, and only we can cope with it.
Reasons for envy:
- Most often, envy of others appears as a result of childhood problems and is associated with equally destructive emotions, for example, jealousy.
- This feeling is usually experienced by failed people who do not feel needed enough.
- A person becomes envious, thinking that by receiving something he will become loved. Such people do not understand that they usually love in spite of, and not for, something.
It is completely normal to experience this feeling from time to time. The problem will be precisely the pathological constant envy of everyone.
Many people know that there are two types of envy: white and black. White occurs when we rejoice at a person’s success and do not want to achieve the same, no matter what. In this case, we are more likely to be attracted to the actions themselves, rather than their results. We admire the abilities of the idol, but do not wish him harm.
Black means that we want to have the same thing that another person has achieved, but by any means. The envious person will not care about the ways in which he will achieve his goal. He is ready to ruin someone's life, but become the owner of what he so wants to get. Black envy becomes the most dangerous when we are offended by a person, wish him bad things, and sometimes even translate these thoughts into reality.
Envy creates not the most pleasant character traits:
- Performing acts for show. The envious person himself wants to become an object of envy.
- Frequent boasting. These people, on any outstanding occasion, talk about their successes, embellishing the details.
- Praising the achievements of others. An envious person usually exaggerates the results of others in his own eyes, without noticing his own merits.
- Humiliation and devaluation of the object of envy in front of others. In communicating with others, such a person tries to belittle the idol, trying to become better and more successful against his background.
- Fear of not meeting standards. Envious people themselves are afraid of not being good enough and lucky enough, which is where all the problems arise.
People who are jealous of someone are quite easy to identify through direct communication. Usually they give themselves away by peculiarities of behavior or some snatches of phrases. It is also not difficult to trace the line between black and white envy.
In the first case, a person clearly wants to belittle the dignity of an acquaintance, but wants to show himself in a better light. Such envious people simply cannot develop and improve themselves, because they exaggerate what they have, not wanting to achieve more. In the second case, the envious person will only be happy with the success of his friend. The manifestation of sincere emotions will strengthen connections between people and serve as additional motivation for the personal growth of the envious person.
Use your envy to create purpose.
Once you have identified the cause of your envy, you can deal with it constructively by turning it into something positive, such as a goal.
Using your envy to create a realistic and achievable goal will help you stop thinking about your negative feelings and feel empowered to change something for the better in your life.
For example, if you are jealous of a friend's new sports car because you wish you had the financial freedom to afford something similar, set a goal for yourself to earn and/or save more money.
Break big goals down into smaller, measurable goals.
For example, if your goal is to earn and/or save more money. One of your smaller goals might be to find a higher-paying job or look for opportunities to advance in your current job.
Another small goal is to save 2000 rubles per week.
Is envy good or bad?
It cannot be said unequivocally that envy is a bad feeling.
It can either destroy relationships between people, forcing them to do bad things, or become an impetus for motivation, forcing a person to become better.
Black envy
Never leads to anything good.
It is black envy that is called a poisonous feeling and is considered one of the sins. Such envious people do not wish the best for others; they are ready to achieve the same thing as others, even at the cost of good relationships. If you allow yourself to think about people in this way, you will very soon lose friends and be left with nothing.
Gray envy
Few people know that there is also gray envy, which is something in between two types already known to everyone. While experiencing it, a person often does not even realize that something is wrong. It is simply unpleasant for him to be in the company of an object of envy; he does not really like listening to his stories about his achievements.
If you feel depressed when interacting with someone you know, but you don't understand why, perhaps you are simply jealous of them and cannot separate the successes of others from your own. This type of envy brings far fewer problems than the previous one, but is also not something good.
White envy
It does not poison or destroy life, rather the opposite.
People experiencing white envy sincerely admire the actions of others and dream of becoming the same masters of the craft as those around them.
But even such a harmless feeling can develop into something more dangerous. Experiencing bright emotions towards the object of envy, you still compare yourself with him. If you don't get motivated by your friend's success and start changing yourself, joy can turn into anger. Then envy will turn black and only bring harm.
Remember that others' success does not affect yours.
For example, someone you know started running, lost 10 kilograms, and just completed their first marathon.
Of course, the person has made a great achievement, but nothing stops you from doing the same!
Envy. Your success in life does not depend on anyone else's.
Whether it's finding love, getting a good job, or anything else. You can have it all, no matter how successful someone else may be.
Stages of development of envy
Psychologists have traced two stages in the development of this feeling.
- Envious people almost always exaggerate the successes and merits of others, not noticing their flaws and completely distorting the object of envy. At the same time, they often feel insignificant compared to more fortunate people. A person experiencing this feeling sees almost no good qualities in himself, but considers others to be ideal.
- After the envious person begins to literally hate himself, a feeling of resentment and anger awakens in him. Without noticing it, a person splashes out aggression on the object of envy, causing him moral or even physical harm.
A person who is envious of someone first devalues himself, projecting only merits onto his acquaintance and endowing himself with bad qualities, then he simply gets angry at this situation and begins to take out his hatred on the object of envy, attributing to him a bunch of shortcomings. Such people spend all their free time and energy fighting themselves and simply cannot live happily.
Envy. Donations and help.
If you can't stop thinking about what you don't have, spend time helping people in need. Sometimes we get very caught up in our problematic ruminations, which make it almost impossible to see how good we are.
Give yourself a dose of reality by volunteering to help people or homeless animals.
Think about your experience later. Helping others will help you see how rich you are and how much positive energy you have to offer the world.
How to stop being jealous: 10 tips
- To solve a problem, you need to understand that it exists. Analyze your behavior and honestly admit that you are jealous of the other person.
- Don't rush to get upset. With the help of envy, you can look inside yourself and resolve the more serious internal conflicts that led to it. Do this without putting it off until later.
- Focus not on the shortcomings, but on the advantages. Write down everything you have that is a source of pride for you. Perhaps this is mutual understanding with the other half, or some kind of hidden talent. For every thing that you are not happy with, contrast it with something that you are proud of.
- Understand that you cannot become the smartest, the most powerful, the most beautiful (the list goes on and on). There will always be people more successful than you. Is it worth it then to waste your energy and nerves on envy?
- When you realize that there will always be objects of envy in the world, you can understand that the higher your level, the more fortunate people you will envy. But if you don’t have goals, then requests will grow chaotically and incomprehensibly. Build a life plan so you know what to strive for.
- Work with your worldview. Find principles that you can and want to adhere to throughout your life. Redirect your energy not to wishing harm on others, but to moving towards your goals. Strive for what you envy, turn your envy into white, not black.
- Think about whether you really want what you envy. Most likely, you don't need this thing at all. The reasons for envy are much deeper. Until you deal with them, the objects of envy will change, but will not disappear.
- Stop comparing yourself to others, look up to your former self. Once you learn to do this, envy will subside.
- Keep yourself busy, determine your life values. If you start achieving success in different areas of your life, filling your free time, you will have absolutely no time to follow other people and their successes.
- Think about whether you will feel so good if you have what your friend has. Perhaps, in fact, you want something completely different, and this is all the influence of stereotypes and society. If you dig deep into yourself, you will soon realize that you do not need worldwide fame and recognition, and that what will make you happy has been in your life for a long time.
This toxic feeling cannot be completely dealt with, but you can make it an emotion that comes and goes, rather than a character trait that you have to live with all the time. Determine the amount of goods that will allow you to live comfortably, but will not be excessive. If you don't do this, you will feel lacking in everything, no matter how successful you are. Then envy will become your constant companion.
It is possible to reduce manifestations of envy by:
- raising self-esteem and accepting what you cannot change about yourself;
- changes in those areas in which there is an opportunity to improve;
- acquiring something you have long wanted;
- realizing that you have already had everything you need for a long time;
- understanding that you do not need an object of envy.
You must realize that a person always envies not a specific result, but the feeling of happiness that his friend receives when he achieves his goal.
And everyone can change their life for the better. To do this, you don’t need to have an army of fans, a modern phone or an expensive car.
Forgive the person you envy and yourself.
Forgiveness is an important part of overcoming envy. Resenting someone for their success only weighs you down.
One exercise that can help you deal with envy is declaring forgiveness. Forgive the person you envy (not in their presence), as well as yourself.
Simply choose a moment when you are alone to voice your forgiveness.
Remember that you do not forgive another person for wrongdoing. You forgive so you can see the situation from their point of view. By considering their point of view, you can sympathize with their pride and achievements.
For example, you could say, “I'm proud of Lisa for achieving so much success in her career. I also forgive myself for falling behind her on the path to success.”
