What is jealousy?
Jealousy is a natural reaction that follows someone's attack on your property. You and your loved one belong to yourself and each other, so jealousy flashes in any classic relationship. But what about jealousy towards your ex?
He does not belong to you, just as you do not belong to him. Everything is in the past, you both have found freedom. Or maybe only he has found freedom, because you still can’t calmly watch him develop a new relationship. This time jealousy decided to play against the rules.
No, in fact, jealousy continues to remain neutral. It's all about you and your attitude towards your ex-love. You still feel possessive about your ex and won't let him go. Even if you think that the past is over, your subconscious mind will drag you back to the past.
What are the reasons for this and how to deal with it?
Test: when does jealousy become pathological?
We have prepared a checklist by which you can determine the degree of jealousy of your partner. Read it and mark the statements with which you agree:
- My man forbids me to communicate with other men, even with relatives.
- My man asks me for passwords from social networks.
- We only go to all events together; I can’t go anywhere alone.
- When I'm at work, my partner calls me constantly.
- There are no secrets in our relationship.
- I know my man checks my phone often.
- One day my boyfriend/husband made a scandal because I didn’t behave the way he wanted, or even hit me.
- My husband's mood changes so often that I can't track the reasons.
- I don't remember the last time I was alone.
- I can’t talk on the phone calmly; my boyfriend/husband doesn’t even hide the fact that he’s eavesdropping on the conversation.
If you agree with 3 or more statements, it makes sense to pay attention to the problem. Remember that pathological jealousy can lead to serious problems, including physical violence.
Reason #1
You haven't ended your relationship. More precisely, you did it completely wrong. Do you know couples who break up several times a month and then get back together? When they part, they don’t think that this is the end, they understand that they will get back together this time and next time. They maintain an emotional connection and plans for a future together.
The same thing happened to you, only your partner took the breakup absolutely seriously and left forever. You are left with foolish hopes. that everything will return and become the same as it was. This is a clear sign of an emotionally unfinished relationship and is most often the cause of jealousy towards an ex-man.
After all, you have, consciously or unconsciously, views and plans for this person, because his affairs with other women are perceived by you as a real crime.
You worry that past relationships didn't mean anything to them.
The opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. We want to believe that if we run into our ex, there will be an awkward pause or an unpleasant feeling. A lack of jealousy or envy on the part of your ex can have a negative impact on some people.
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It doesn't matter if you're already in a happy relationship. When you see a photo of your ex smiling, you'll want to ask why he never looked this happy when he was with you. This may make you wonder if he ever loved you?
Solution
All you need is to come to the realization that everything is over, that you and this man have no future together. Say it out loud, talk about it with your friends, make it not an assumption, but a fact, your reality.
Let your ex-man go. You can even mentally bury him, because never again in your life will you be associated with this person. When your subconscious accepts the fact of loneliness, you will again be able to adequately look at other men, choose a new love among them, and accept the news without pain that your ex has a new soul mate.
Jealousy towards his former lovers - how to get rid of it?
Jealousy of the past is one of the most common types of female jealousy. It often happens that many women, as if on purpose, systematically find reasons for such jealousy, so that they can then revel in this state from the bottom of their hearts .
We find the pages of his former lovers on social networks, we can spend hours looking at their photos together, reading comments, comparing ourselves with them .
And God forbid, the husband accidentally drops a phrase about some of his former relationships! A storm of emotions immediately overwhelms us and makes us experience severe attacks of jealousy.
Reason #2
Giving a special role to former relationships. Was your ex your first love? Did you lose your virginity with him? Did he propose to you? Did you consider him your family? Such people leave an imprint on our soul, they become special to us, because they radically changed the course of our lives.
Even after a breakup, you can't deny the special role your ex played in your story. Because of this, many women begin to perceive those relationships in a special way, elevating them to the rank of “unique,” “unforgettable,” “one that will never happen again.”
Whatever the reason for the separation, our subconscious may continue to insist that that person was our destiny, our destiny, you just met in the wrong place and at the wrong time.
Such thoughts lead to the fact that we simply cannot love a new partner, we cannot see a future together with him, because he is “not the one.” The worst thing is when the subconscious begins to play its game, rejecting even the best candidates for the role of the new love of life. It acts like a dog loyal to your ex, keeping his master's place.
How to overcome feelings of jealousy
To get through a divorce painlessly, you need to let go of the situation. Attempts to win your husband back will fail if his feelings for you have faded.
Are you sure that the fire of love for you still glimmers in his soul? Then you need to act actively, but gently. If it was the man who initiated the divorce, you need to forgive him for the grievances caused, trying to find a place in your heart for gratitude for the once happy moments given to him. Only under this condition will the separation not be too painful, and it will be easier for you to prepare for a new life by opening your heart to new love.
Solution
Overcoming yourself is difficult, very difficult, but it is quite achievable. Many people go through this test, you can do it too. All you need is a systematic approach.
First, check out other people’s relationship stories and make sure that there is nothing special or key about what you elevate to some indescribable rank. People can suffer for years with “fate”, and then, by chance, find those. with whom you are truly happy.
Secondly, arrange an internal dialogue, think logically. If he is your destiny, then sooner or later you will get together anyway, so for now let him go and gain positive emotions and experiences with other people. Don't put chastity boundaries on yourself, it won't make you happy and won't bring him back.
Third, offset the positive with the negative. Every time you start thinking about your ex as someone incredible, remember the reason you broke up. Remember what horrors he allowed himself and how much pain he caused. Don't forgive him for this.
By destroying the ideal image of your ex, you will gain an understanding that he is far from an ideal, which you should not deprive yourself of. Take advantage of his sins and your pain, turn it against him, making your ex someone worth forgetting forever.
How to stop being jealous of your other half?
First of all, you need to figure out whether your jealousy is justified or not. Try to find out on your own the reasons that lead you to excessive jealousy. Why are you demanding of your chosen one? Why don't you trust him?
What causes your jealousy most of all - the indifference of your loved one, his excessive cheerfulness, passion for work? By digging deeper and deeper into yourself, you will find out where the root of the problem lies. This is the only way to fight it and defeat it.
Let's try to analyze the behavior of a jealous person using a simple situation as an example.
For example, you are jealous of your loved one’s girlfriend or boyfriend. Find out what exactly contributes to the manifestation of feelings of jealousy. Perhaps you really suspect that communication goes beyond the boundaries of friendship, and your chosen one feels something more for this person. In this case, jealousy is justified.
You must talk honestly and openly with your partner and find out everything at once. Explain that you do not intend to turn a blind eye to what is happening, you are not satisfied with this attitude.
In a different situation, when communication is truly friendly, and your jealousy does not subside, it is a matter of selfishness. You only think about yourself. Here it is necessary to combat this problem.
Your lover or lover has the right to choose friends and communicate with them. You can't lock anyone in a cage - remember that. Sooner or later it will open and then it will be impossible to keep your loved one.
How to stop being jealous of your husband
Female jealousy is a dangerous thing
Fate cannot be changed. Everything that is destined from above will be fulfilled, whether we want it or not. Therefore, scandals cannot change your spouse’s attitude towards you. Be a caring, cheerful wife. Be passionate about something. Delight your husband with new culinary innovations. Don't be shy with each other, pay more attention to intimate issues.
How to stop being jealous of your wife
You are the support. It is you who are the unbreakable wall of your strong union. A woman who feels supported will be very grateful. The question of betrayal will not even arise in her thoughts.
A woman can only cheat if her man does not pay enough attention to her, if she wants to find a stronger-than-spirited representative of the stronger sex. So show her that you are confident in yourself. Help her cope with difficulties, listen to her when she seeks advice from you. Stay close and you won’t have to be jealous.
And one more point. There is no need to remember the past. What has passed will not return. Let go of your ex-partners and forget about your significant other's ex-partners. A quiet family conversation will help resolve feelings related to this topic.
Reason #3
You are unsure of yourself. And the ex is the same person who loved you for who you are. Uncertainty breeds fear of meeting new people, those who have no idea who you are. Your positive sides, your wonderful character, this cannot be revealed right away on the first date, and the new guy may turn out to be an asshole.
But the ex has already been known inside and out, he knows everything about you and you know everything about him. He will accept you, he will love you again, he is your loved one. Is this how you think? This is how you drive yourself even deeper into despair and paranoia?
Of course, your ex-partner’s new lover will become an obstacle between him and you, which is why you will hate her with all your might. Who is she to be with the one who knows you best in this life? Does she want to ruin your happiness?
If all these thoughts are familiar to you, then you urgently need to move towards solving the problem. Otherwise, you risk being forever stuck in manic thoughts that there is only one person in this world who can give you happiness. And he's on the other side.
How to get rid of it?
One way or another, you will not be able to put your loved one under arrest and not let him out of the house, where he will communicate only with you and see only you. Remember that relationships are built primarily on trust . It often happens that a man is simply forced to communicate with female colleagues at work. Or many years ago it happened that a woman became his friend . This does not mean at all that he should rush headlong into cheating on you with her.
If you feel that their communication is seriously interfering with your relationship, then talk openly about it with your husband . A loving person will always understand the feelings of his other half and will try to protect her from unpleasant experiences. But do it calmly and judiciously , so as not to alienate the man, but, on the contrary, to strengthen your relationship.
How to get rid of it?
First of all, looking at yourself from the outside . After all, you, as a rule, do not ask your husband for time off in order to meet with your girlfriends for a cup of coffee. Or you, in turn, also spend time on forums on the Internet or watching your favorite TV series. Each person - even when he is legally married - should have his own personal space, his own friends, hobbies and interests .
If your whole world was limited only to each other, then, in the end, you would simply become bored and have nothing to talk about. Take your loved one's hobby as an integral part of him . After all, these hobbies or the desire to spend time with friends absolutely do not prevent him from loving you, and you from trusting your man .
Of course, each case is individual and it happens that jealousy is completely unfounded and has good reasons. In such cases, it can be extremely difficult to kill jealousy in yourself, and it’s not always worth doing.
Remember that, first of all, you need to talk with your partner , and not destroy yourself with suspicions from within. After all, your husband is the person closest to you, and who, if not him, can always understand you and dispel all your fears.
How to get rid of it?
Understand that work is an integral part of a man's life . He must provide for his family, self-actualize, and build a career. After all, he does all this , first of all, for your sake . And when a man comes home from work, he wants to see a smile on your face and be sure that they are waiting for him at home .
Take his absence as an extra opportunity to take care of yourself, calmly do all your household chores, chat with friends, work with your child, or go, for example, to a beauty salon.
Jealousy of hobbies and interests
It often happens that, coming home from work, your husband sits down at the computer, and you lose him on the Internet for the whole evening . And on Friday evening you don’t see him at all, because he went with friends to watch football. Or on the long-awaited weekend he suddenly goes fishing with friends. And, of course, this cannot be done without jealousy .
After all, you’re bored, you’re making plans together, you want to spend time together, but for some reason your husband prefers completely different hobbies. often leads to resentment , which can develop into mutual claims and quarrels.
