You can and should let go of the past if your true desire is to live happily in peace
Let's try to figure out how you can let go of the past? Perhaps someone will want to object and say that you cannot let go of the past, in which there was so much joy and happiness: this is too valuable an acquisition. Here is the answer: the article is intended for those who cannot understand how to let go of the negative experiences of the past: problems, conflicts, misunderstandings.
How to be able to let go of past grievances? A few recommendations for those who really want to be happy
- Try to answer the question for yourself: “What situation are you fixated on?” Take it apart piece by piece. For example, because of your arrogance and pride, you broke off a relationship with a person dear to you.
- Try to note what exactly will not allow you to let go of the situation? Perhaps this is an understatement if you have not put an end to the relationship. Hidden anger or resentment. It doesn’t matter whether you broke up with a person a year ago or just yesterday - if you think about it and it haunts you, then it’s important today. That is, you live by the events of the past.
- What can you do right now in order to let go of the situation and start living happily? Think about whether you have the opportunity to contact a person in any way, send him a letter, call him, meet him and say something important? Every chance must be taken! Do what is important to you right now, without delay.
- Is it possible to let go of a situation if this requires your direct and quick intervention in the process? The point here is that, for example, once you were unable to do what needed to be done, for whatever reason: you couldn’t, you didn’t want to, you were scared, you didn’t dare. You can only let go of such a situation if you complete what you didn’t do.
How to let someone go if the relationship doesn't bring you joy
Parting with loved ones is always difficult. Family center psychologists who are ready to help people overcome various periods of crisis tell us how to survive a traumatic situation. By contacting specialists at My Family Center, you will receive comprehensive psychological assistance - individual or family consultations, you will be able to participate in group interactive classes in order to see the situation from a different perspective in a supportive environment and receive a resource for overcoming life's difficulties.
Difficulties of separation
When entering into a relationship, a person consciously or unconsciously strives to fulfill his basic need for love. But everyone’s understanding of love is very different, and our expectations are not always met and coincide with our partner’s vision.
“When the feeling of dissatisfaction becomes constant, and the joy from a relationship becomes less and less, it makes sense to think about whether this relationship has a future and whether it is worth saving. Of course, everything here is very individual, and before making a decision, it is important to be honest with yourself and your partner. More often than not, it happens that deep down the decision is already ripe, but there is not enough psychological strength to implement it. A person still hopes for something, is captive of self-deception, has fears about the future, or is not ready to take responsibility for his life,” says psychologist at the East Degunino Family Center Svetlana Timchenko .
The main difficulty in breaking up is the emotional attachment to your partner, and it is sometimes much stronger than the arguments of reason. Sometimes, having physically separated, people cannot psychologically “take” themselves out of the relationship. This can last for years.
“The fact is that our ego often plays a cruel joke on us. Even at the stage of falling in love, when everything is good, it automatically, unconsciously tries to appropriate to itself not only the joy from the relationship, but also the person himself who gives it to us. And then, when natural development difficulties arise in a couple and our expectations from a partner are not met, a feeling of disappointment and loss arises. The main pain arises not even from the actions of the partner and his “imperfection,” but from the collapse of our illusion of expectations from him,” notes the psychologist.
What is a relationship for us?
We invest in relationships mentally, psychologically, physically, and financially, and also spend precious time on the other person. This is akin to an investment, and we unconsciously expect to receive dividends in the future in the form of stability, security, loyalty. The partner seems to owe us, and if this does not happen, and he does not pay the bills, then the ego feels robbed.
Two ways to navigate a relationship crisis in a healthy way
- If a couple has potential for development, then through open dialogue the partners will be able to clarify their goals, shared values and decide to stay together.
- If the inevitability of separation is obvious, then it is possible to survive the pain of loss, let go of the person and pick yourself up from the relationship only by changing your perception and ceasing to look at the relationship from the position of shoulds.
How to do this?
Step 1 . First of all, accept and live the whole gamut of feelings that will inevitably come, since accepting the new reality will require considerable mental strength and time. Here, a healthy supportive environment will help you (close people, psychological support groups, individual consultations with a psychologist). Allow yourself to accept help from others, because how you experience the trauma will determine your emotional state in future relationships.
Step 2 . After the first wave of feelings, believe and admit the idea that there is still a lot of interesting and pleasant things ahead in life. Your ability to experience happiness should not depend on anyone; no one is responsible for how much you can extract positive emotions from various events.
Step 3 . Turn towards your personal interests, remember, if you have forgotten, what you used to love, what attracted attention and from what you received positive emotions. Each of us has enormous potential and extraordinary abilities. Maybe it's time to realize an old dream? We live in a time when a lot is possible. As an internal support, you can choose for yourself the image of some hero who is close to you, who would serve as a motivating force.
If you can’t immediately navigate your area of interest, then just switch. Bring variety into your life, try different things :
- Sports and any physical activity will help release tension energy. The body is our very grateful friend.
- Creativity will fill you with positive energy and inspiration, develop your imagination, and switch you away from destructive thoughts.
- You might think about changing the external image or updating the interior.
It is important to work with your self-esteem; it often falls during a breakup, since devaluation is a common strategy of behavior between former partners.
Try to communicate more with positive people who prove by personal example that happiness exists, learn from them the ability to overcome difficulties and find reasons for joy.
Appreciate what you have, be attentive even to the little things, get into the habit of counting 10 pleasant moments at the end of the day.
It is very important to take time for yourself and remember that the most important person in life is YOU, nothing will happen without you.
Key point when breaking up
This is gratitude. No matter what happens, no matter how much pain your partner causes you, it is very important to give up the position of resentment and find what is best and valuable for you, for which you can thank him. After all, every person we meet on our way is a teacher through whom we gain invaluable experience, develop and grow as individuals. If you still can’t thank the person, then all that remains is to thank the situation itself and learn from it.
“Meetings and partings are part of our lives. If you do not try to appropriate something and forcibly retain it, then it turns out that there are simply no losses, but there is invaluable time to realize your potential. Take care of yourself and you simply won’t have time to suffer,” sums up Svetlana Timchenko .
Source
Press service of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of Moscow
Exercise “Letter without an addressee”
If you find it difficult to imagine, try to express your thoughts and emotions in writing. Psychological practice has the technique of therapeutic writing. It helps a person understand himself, and also write down on paper everything that haunts him.
What are the objectives of this technology? To get out from within everything that prevents the patient from living, does not allow him to feel joy and be happy. The essence of the technique is that a person independently works with his subconscious. Its advantage is that it is quite simple to perform and makes it possible to fully express emotions without offending anyone.
Take a piece of paper, a writing utensil, and start writing a letter to a specific person. Write what you would like to tell him. It doesn’t matter whether it’s good or bad, write as it is, without hiding anything or hiding anything. There is no need to send such a letter, therefore, after finishing work on it, you can tear it up, throw it away or even burn it, hiding your thoughts from prying eyes.
Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations
There are several techniques and techniques that help to let a person go.
How to forgive an insult?
First of all, you need to try to understand him, think about why he acted one way or another, what reasons could have led to this.
You need to stand in his place, then answers to many questions will appear.
There is an exercise that helps you get rid of resentment and forget the past. You need to sit back and relax, imagine your loved one opposite you.
A picture of his punishment should be presented. It is necessary to imagine in all details that a person is being punished and he apologizes. This picture can bring satisfaction. It is quite possible that the resentment will pass, and thus it will be possible to let go of the past.
At this time, you should not withdraw into yourself and refuse to have fun. You should go with friends to a club, cafe, cinema, or go on a trip. This will be real medicine for the soul.
Is it possible to leave a partner who doesn't love you?
First of all, it is recommended to thank the object of adoration for everything. There is no need to blame him for what happened. This won't help fix the situation. We need to thank him for the feelings we experienced and move on.
It is necessary to let go of anger and resentment. A person was given experience so that he could gain certain knowledge and draw conclusions. We must realize that it was not in vain, now another life is coming, where there is only room for joy.
It is recommended to take a piece of paper and write down what good this person did, for which you can be grateful.
Not everything is as bad as it seems. It is no coincidence that he will be liked and aroused sympathy.
You need to remember the positive moments, and then tell yourself that nothing can happen to this person in the future. What happened is left behind.
Meditation helps a lot. You need to sit in silence, relaxed, turn on calm music. This will help you dive into yourself and restore the health of your nervous system.
Frequent meditation will bring back joy and good spirits. Breaking up won't hurt so much anymore.
How to let go and forget? Recommendations:
How to let go of your loved one?
There are different situations in life. At first, love seems unearthly and eternal, and then the girl declares that she no longer experiences those feelings and leaves. This causes real torment and is not easy to cope with.
In order to recover as quickly as possible and get rid of the pain inside, you need to say thank you to the girl for the feelings and emotions she gave her.
Don't blame her for wanting to leave.
No longer experiences the same things as before. We need to try to understand her and wish her happiness in the future.
If there are joint photos or things left, they are disposed of immediately; it is better to delete joint photos from social networks so that it does not hurt.
We need to tune in to the future and imagine that our main love is still ahead.
How to stop loving and let go of a girl who doesn't love you? Useful tips:
How to forget the guy you love?
Breaking up is very difficult for girls, much more difficult than for guys or men. The thing is that girls are more sensitive and sentimental. However, this does not give a reason to withdraw into oneself.
To let go and forget a guy, you need to stop being offended by him. He gave many bright feelings and joyful moments. Everything was not as bad as it might seem later.
We need to understand the reason for the separation and try to understand the young man. It was not by chance that he decided to leave, he had his own reasons. You need to try to let him go and get rid of thoughts about him.
Photos are taken together, things are put away. They will only make things worse. It’s also better to remove the guy’s phone number from the list of numbers so that you don’t want to call him.
Even better - go shopping with your friends, buy new clothes, cosmetics, or visit a beauty salon. Taking care of yourself will help you overcome your internal crisis.
Staying home in a bad mood and refusing to go out with friends is a bad idea. It is much better to enjoy life and be open to the happiness that lies ahead.
Ways to get rid of unrequited love in this video:
Let yourself go
How to let go of the situation? Let yourself go first. What does this mean?
- Allow yourself to become a happy person. Want it.
- Leave failures and failures in the past: forgive yourself for them.
- Be able to forgive yourself for the long-standing mistakes that you once made, because today they do not matter to anyone but yourself.
- Find words of gratitude for the mistakes you have made and actions you have taken in the past. Today, you have everything you need to let go of negative and unnecessary thoughts, actions and beliefs. Just make up your mind and you will succeed!
Remember that it is never too late to let go of past troubles from your life, let them remain in the past! Allow yourself to become a truly happy person.
