How to forgive your husband’s betrayal: should you forgive or leave and how to move on?

One of the most common causes of divorce, according to statistics, is the betrayal of a spouse. Faced with this situation, a woman often experiences a strong shock, and for some, her husband’s infidelity is an impetus for starting a new life, and for others, it is a long-term trauma. All people make mistakes, so in some cases it is possible to save a marriage and live happily together if you know how to forgive your husband for cheating.

Reasons for betrayal

If a spouse cheats, then this is not an indicator that he plans to leave the family and marry his mistress. Among those men who start relationships on the side, 85% do not leave their legal spouses, and only 10% file for divorce and go to their mistress. Therefore, cheating does not always mean that the husband is looking for someone else. Most likely, he has some needs that are not satisfied, which he goes to fulfill on the side in order to feel happy.

Reasons for cheating:

The need for respect, acceptance, understanding and admiration are the important aspects that fade into the background in marriage. At the beginning of the relationship, most likely the future wife admired the man and did it sincerely from the heart. But after the wedding, suddenly everything changed: the husband stopped receiving acceptance from his beloved for who he is. If a woman no longer accepts her husband completely, but instead begins to point out any shortcomings to him, then very soon he will want to look for respect on the side. He will look for someone who will adore him.
It turns out that communication, emotional intimacy and support are needed not only by the weaker sex, but also by the stronger. From time to time, men need to be supported and listened to. But sometimes when they come to their wife with a desire to speak out and be understood, they receive moralizing or indifference in response.
The need for touch is also important for men, but for some reason in marriage affection often fades away. If a wife does not give her husband tactile touches, then he will want to receive affection on the side.
The man was simply bored with everyday life. Like any person, new emotions, impressions and a change of environment are needed, and everyday life, as you know, is associated with monotony, boredom, and inertia. Some husbands begin to look for new hobbies, work more, while others seek new emotions with other women.
Instead of a family nest and a warm home, there is a prison. In a family, each spouse wants to be a little free: meeting friends, hobbies, new hobbies. If a woman tries to make sure that a man only works and helps around the house, then he will soon get tired of this, and he will begin to look for an easy, undemanding woman on the side.

How to get rid of your rival?

Usually, after accepting the situation and deciding to save the family, the woman expects that the situation with her rival will resolve itself. But, unfortunately, the homewrecker does not disappear anywhere, and the woman finds herself in a new circle of grievances and claims. Many wives give an ultimatum and every day remind their husband of his nobility and his guilt before the family. This situation brings the couple to a new round of conflict, which often leads to separation of the spouses. How to behave in this situation? How to trust your husband after betrayal? How to make sure that your rival disappears from your life forever? Carefully observe your husband's behavior; most often he will compare two women in order to make a final decision. You shouldn’t be perfect and fearfully wait for a new day. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about your husband cheating on you. A woman who often leaves the house, takes care of her appearance and leaves free time for some activity that develops her personality, always arouses the interest of a man. Feel free to leave your children with your husband and ask him to spend time with them. The more time your man devotes to his family, the more negativity he will receive from his rival. As a result, the decision to save the family will seem to him the most faithful and the only correct one. Of course, trust in your husband will not be restored in a few days or even months. But here, visiting a family psychologist, reading special books or buying audio lectures can help you. You will be surprised how many women have faced this problem. Each answered the question of how to trust her husband after betrayal, and found her own ways to forgive her husband.

When my husband started cheating

It is rare that a man can hide the signs of infidelity from his wife, because sooner or later everything secret becomes clear.
To do this, a woman does not have to look for evidence such as the scent of perfume, traces of lipstick, or women’s hair on a man’s clothes. Sometimes one glance is enough to understand that it is not true. When my husband started cheating:

All of a sudden he began to forget dates and important events that were celebrated in the family earlier.
Stops wearing a wedding ring or says he can't find it.
Lack of sexual intimacy is one of the signs of betrayal. But before blaming a man, it is better to make sure that he does not have any health problems.
His behavior became the opposite of what it was before. A sudden change in habits may also indicate the presence of infidelity. There are also two important extremes here. If the husband behaves irritably, then the wife is most likely to blame for the betrayal. When he became overly caring, affectionate and caring.
Previously, his phone or tablet was in a visible place, but now he began to hide gadgets or put them away from his wife’s eyes. A man can also set passwords and go to another room when someone calls him.
He often smells like someone else's perfume. He also tries to hide the smells of another woman when he comes home from work - he runs into the shower.
He began to take better care of himself. The husband may suddenly change his hairstyle, style of clothing and buy himself a seductive men's perfume.
The husband has become jealous and calculating, so he often looks for something to complain about in order to get rid of his guilt towards his wife.

What to do if your husband cheated

Only you can decide here, carefully weighing the pros and cons.

First, let’s look at situations in which you shouldn’t think about forgiveness and the only correct option is to break up the relationship:

The spouse is not ashamed of betrayal and does not feel guilty, justifying his behavior by saying that men supposedly need variety in bed. This means that the man is going to continue to cheat on you.
Your spouse is trying to shift the blame onto you - you have gained weight, you have stopped taking care of yourself, you no longer give him enough attention and affection, so he was forced to look for them on the side. Even if this is the case, the man should have talked to you and told you what is bothering him, rather than taking the path of least resistance.
The spouse does not hide the fact of betrayal; colleagues and/or friends know about his affair. In this case, cheating is just a way to quickly and completely end the relationship with you, in other words, it was done on purpose.
My husband cheated in the first couple of years of the relationship. In such a short period, feelings do not have time to cool down, which means that his trips to the side are a way of life that he is not going to give up.

If a man makes it clear not only in words, but also by his behavior that he values you, and the betrayal was a mistake, you can consider the option of forgiveness.

However, all decisions must be made after the first stress has passed and emotions have subsided.

Don’t think that you can forget about betrayal and move on as if nothing happened.

Betrayal will divide your life and the life of your partner into “before” and “after”; you will have to re-build trusting relationships, which both must work on.

Circumstances of betrayal

It happens that a couple from the outside looks ideal and happy, but at one point the marriage fails due to the fact that the husband went to the left.

To find out what can force a spouse to go to another girl, it is recommended to consider the circumstances of betrayal that may prompt such a step:

During critical life cycles, a man’s psyche weakens. As a rule, this occurs at the ages of 30, 45 and 55 years. At this time, a man often thinks about his life and delves into his past. If he has not fulfilled some of his dreams, then because of this he may succumb to temptations and go astray from the right path.
More than 60 men decided to cheat because feelings in the couple had cooled. A lack of intimacy on the spiritual and sensory levels can upset the balance of family relationships.
If he lacks sexual variety in a relationship, then one day instinct will take over. Even when there are no serious conflicts in a couple, this is not at all an indicator that everything is perfect in intimacy.
A business affair is quite a convenient way to cheat. A man at work can look closely at his female colleagues. It is very easy to hide a relationship with another woman on a business trip. If he often leaves “on business,” then you should be wary.
There are some men who cannot imagine their life without adrenaline. No matter how ideal his wife is, he will look for additional bright emotions on the side.
When a husband begins to spend a lot of time communicating on the Internet, this should alert his wife. Perhaps he meets potential lovers there.

How to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on with your life

No matter what your husband says, you shouldn’t believe him. Thus, he tries to justify himself. Having cheated on his beloved wife, a man will try to get rid of the feeling of guilt, and if he asks for forgiveness sincerely, then you can give him the opportunity to improve.

Let's consider effective tips on how to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on with your life:

When a relationship reaches a dead end, the first thing you should do is turn all your attention to yourself. Cheating indicates that a woman has become less attractive to her husband. The recommendation is that you need to focus your energy on self-development and improving your appearance.
Psychologists recommend that women structure dialogues correctly. You can sit down in the evening and ask him to tell you about his adventures. The main thing is not to create a scandal, but to understand why it happened that the husband began to cheat. Perhaps he will repent and ask to start all over again. But this does not always lead to a positive result if the partner does not have a good reason to cheat.
You need a distraction to forget about the pain caused. It is important for a woman to start enjoying life again, regardless of whether she can save this relationship. In a word, you need to take your mind off love problems and do what you have long wanted, but for some reason all your energy was spent on your family.

The beginning of the recovery from the crisis

If a heart-to-heart conversation took place and you still decided to save your relationship, then be prepared for long and difficult work. First of all, listen to your feelings. What would you like? How do you dream of building your life? What needs to be changed? How to forget your husband's betrayal and start all over again? Most likely, you will not find answers to these questions right away. And, believe me, you will never find it alone. You need to be in close contact with your husband, voicing all your emotions and desires. Many couples who successfully survived this stage noted that they had never before been as close to each other as after the betrayal. For most of them, the appearance of a mistress became an incentive for serious and positive changes in family life.

Is it possible to forgive my husband's betrayal?

After the betrayal of her spouse, a woman can be overwhelmed by a hurricane of feelings and emotions associated with anger and despair. You may want to keep the relationship and break it off at the same time. In this case, you should be more collected than ever, showing all your composure and fortitude. It is not the best option to make decisions depending on your mood, and also to constantly change your opinion about your spouse.

Several stages that will make it clear whether you can forgive your husband’s infidelity:

give yourself time to think and rationally understand the situation;
diagnose the relationship; if it has long since exhausted itself, then this outcome is not surprising;
you cannot manipulate your partner’s feelings of guilt;
try not to wash dirty linen in public, or rather not bring the situation into public view;
approach the issue from the point of view of logic and feelings, and not from one position.

Relationships don't always work out perfectly if you give them a second chance, so it's important to be able to properly forgive your husband's infidelity, even if he may become an ex. Even if the couple makes peace, the husband’s attentive and affectionate attitude will be perceived with a catch. A woman will no longer be able to calmly react to her husband’s various actions.

In constant stress, a woman will begin to:

check his SMS;
secretly re-read his correspondence on the Internet;
keep track of who your husband has added as a friend;
suspect of deception, even if he really was at work;
if he goes to meet friends, she will be constantly in an anxious state and waiting for the next “stab in the back.”

It is for these reasons that you should not rush things and quickly make peace with a man. This is important for the woman herself - to adequately perceive the situation and decide for herself how she will behave in the future with her husband. Also, the fate of the family depends on the character of the man. If he is a womanizer, and he is constantly forgiven for his infidelity, then he will no longer respect his wife in the future.

Is it necessary to forgive a husband’s betrayal: a psychologist’s opinion

How to forgive your husband for cheating is not always clear. You shouldn’t try to hush up the problem, but you also don’t need to have a heated showdown. This is unlikely to lead to a positive result. Negative emotions can be channeled in a more constructive direction:

Accept that after your spouse betrays you, it will take you a long time to recover. The pain will pass, but until this happens, you can spend more time on yourself. If your financial situation allows you, go on a trip with a friend. This will help change the situation and relieve stress.
If after what happened you mutually decided to save the marriage, try to take as many active steps as possible to return intimacy and trust to the couple. Temporarily push all other problems and worries into the background. You can leave your children with their grandmother or nanny and go on a romantic trip together. This will help start the relationship on a new page.
If you find it difficult to cope with the situation on your own, ask for support from your loved ones and friends. An effective remedy is to express your experiences on paper, and then burn everything written and scatter the ashes. This will help you feel a sense of relief and let go of the situation.
It happens that a relationship cannot be saved, so the only acceptable solution is to leave the unfaithful spouse. Living with someone you don't like just for the sake of your children's well-being or financial gain is not worth it. You will later regret the time you wasted.
When faced with betrayal, look at things objectively. Your loved one disappointed you and did not live up to your expectations. But this situation is a reason to look at your husband and your relationship soberly.

It is not always possible to answer unequivocally whether to forgive your own husband’s infidelity. The advice of a psychologist will depend on each specific case. Perhaps your husband will not want your forgiveness and will not want to return to the family. Accept this outcome of events calmly.

There are times when the spouse later changes his mind. But you shouldn’t live in hope of this; it’s better to take care of yourself and the structure of your own life. There is a lot of interesting things in it.

Is it worth forgiving betrayal?

It is worth forgiving a traitor only in exceptional cases, if there are certain reasons for this. When they turn a blind eye to a husband’s misdeed and forgive him unreasonably, then in the future, infidelity will most likely be repeated. Psychologists recommend forgiving betrayal only when it is more profitable for a woman to be married than to be divorced.

Psychologists recommend the following reasons in which situations it is worth forgiving betrayal:

the couple has children whom the woman, for some reason, will not be able to provide for herself after the divorce;
if the spouse does not have her own home;
the woman does not work and is financially dependent on her husband.

If you still love your husband and don’t want to break up with him, then it is recommended to carefully monitor his behavior. It is worth continuing the relationship only when he repents, promises not to cheat again, and asks to save the family. Both partners must consciously decide to stay married.

At the same time, the husband must end the relationship with his mistress - this is one of the main conditions. If he has feelings for another woman, then after reconciliation he will most likely maintain a connection with her in parallel with his family relationships.

How do those who have forgiven betrayal live?

If you have not experienced betrayal yourself, then you probably cannot understand how those who have forgiven betrayal live.

It is difficult not only for the one who was betrayed, but also for the one who betrayed, because the feeling of guilt can be even stronger than the feeling of resentment.

As was already written above, “the same as before” will no longer be the case; you can’t just pretend that nothing happened. The right decision would be to build fundamentally new relationships, full of mutual understanding and trust, in which there will be no place for betrayal.

If you were able to forgive infidelity, find the strength to behave rationally in the future:

Do not remind your husband of his offense every time you quarrel. We need to sort things out once and for all and move on without looking back. Your spouse must understand that you have truly forgiven him, because a constant feeling of guilt and awkwardness will not allow you to build a harmonious relationship.
Pay attention to yourself. Don’t get hung up on your spouse’s infidelity, engage in self-development, devote time to your favorite hobbies, visit public places, meet friends. You need to make sure in practice that life is still wonderful.
Has your partner achieved your forgiveness? Surely, you found out the reason for his action. If you (perhaps without knowing it) contributed to what happened, do not allow the scenario to repeat itself. Give your spouse enough attention if this was the reason. Together, put your intimate life in order: discuss your preferences, express your wishes, and, if necessary, consult a sexologist.
Correctly but firmly demand that your partner end any relationship with his mistress. This is not the case when you can remain friends. If your husband is not ready to cut a person out of your life for your sake, then such a marriage is not worth saving.
Be prepared to be judged. Surely, in your environment there will be people who will tell you not only behind your back, but also to your face, that you allegedly acted recklessly, that you should not have forgiven the traitor under any circumstances. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to show others that your joint work with your husband on your relationship has given an excellent result, you have become a happy family again.

If you have found the strength to forgive your partner, but your expectations were not met (the husband is again late at work, does not answer calls, etc.), you will have to rethink the situation and prepare to end the relationship.

Often girls think that they can forgive their husband’s betrayal only by getting even with him. In fact, you will feel even worse - you will realize that you are no better than your husband and have committed an equally terrible act. Also, you should not seek a meeting with your husband’s mistress. If your partner really wants to save the marriage, he himself will make it clear to this woman that she should no longer touch your family.

If you are not ready to sincerely forgive a man, but agree to live with him only for the sake of children, reputation or living space, such a relationship will not last long - the resentment will “poison” you from the inside.

Any decision you make should be balanced, but if you decide to forgive, forgive completely.

0 Comments

Forgive betrayal or leave

Many women who are faced with such a problem in their family often cannot decide what to do next: forgive the betrayal or leave. On the one hand, it is better to leave such a husband, because rarely does a man, after the first betrayal, not go to the left again. If you look at the situation from a different perspective, then the husband who sincerely asked for forgiveness may change and become an exemplary loving family man.

Situations that indicate it is best to leave:

He cheats on a regular basis. This is a sign that after the first betrayal the mistake was not recognized and the person did not repent.
If betrayal occurs constantly not with one, but with several mistresses. Such a man will constantly have different connections on the side.
The husband does not agree that he made a mistake. Some men are ready to deny it to the last minute and not admit to cheating, even if their wife has significant evidence.
Instead of asking for forgiveness, the husband blames his wife for everything. Men who do not admit their mistake will constantly have mistresses. The husband will constantly justify his infidelity by saying that their spouse is unsexy, cold, or does not satisfy their needs in bed.
In addition to cheating, the wife may also be unhappy with something in her everyday relationship with her husband. There is also no trust and spiritual kinship in the couple.

In all these cases, there is practically no chance that he will change for the better and become a faithful life partner. It would be better to divorce him.

What not to do after your husband cheats

Many women are ready to forgive their husband and start over with a clean slate in order to be together, but not everyone wants to save the family with good intentions. Some girls forgive betrayal, wanting to take revenge and cause the same pain to their husband, which is better not to do.

A number of disadvantages follow from this behavior:

If a woman does not have a tendency to cheat, then after taking revenge on her husband, she will reproach herself for a long time for this. She will feel guilty, despair and depressed. Also, a man, having learned that his wife has decided to take revenge on him, can leave her himself.
After such revenge, a woman will be a traitor to her husband, and, as you know, the male and female sex perceive betrayal differently.

A man who is an owner will not be able to take back his prodigal wife. In any case, the relationship will be destroyed every day.

After the couple has decided to save the relationship, a period of hard work on themselves begins for both the husband and wife.

To avoid committing the wrong actions at this time, it is recommended to follow the following tips:

you need to forget about betrayal once and for all and not remind a man about it at every opportunity;
do not play the role of a victim - if you constantly suffer and dramatize the situation, then the husband will develop a feeling of guilt, which is difficult to cope with, and in the end he will again go looking for a warm and kind attitude on the side;
if he starts giving gifts and helping, you should not push him away - in this way the man will ask for forgiveness and try to make amends;
In such a difficult period, it is better for a woman to switch her attention to self-development - a new hobby will help get rid of bad thoughts. As a result, negative emotions will not spill out on your husband.

When you don't need to forgive betrayal

Sometimes the situation develops in such a way that a man does not need forgiveness from you. He does not want to maintain the relationship or remains in the family, but behaves in the old way. There are men who cheat constantly and do not want to get rid of this habit. Their position is simple: “Accept me as I am, or we will break up.” In this case, we are talking about the man’s unpreparedness for a serious relationship. He doesn’t want to grow up and change, and we can hardly talk about love for his wife here.

Don't fight for your family if there are no feelings in it anymore. It is important to part ways painlessly, maintaining mutual respect, because there were not only bad moments between you, but also good ones. This is especially important if there are children in the family.

Whether you need to forgive your unfaithful husband for cheating is up to you to decide. When you break up, draw the right conclusions from the situation, but do not convince yourself that all men cheat. If you set yourself up for such thoughts, then you will encounter betrayal and betrayal again and again. Remember that everyone gets what they sincerely believe in.

Not everyone understands how to forgive your husband after his betrayal and start a relationship from scratch. It's possible, but you'll have to work hard. You should not withdraw into yourself, remain silent, or live in fear and suspicion. It’s better to talk through problems calmly and without reproach. Remember that love is not just a word or a feeling, it is expressed in actions. Married couples who have been together for many years sometimes recall that not everything was smooth in their relationship either. But they managed to overcome difficulties together. And you can do it if you want.

Ways to protect yourself from cheating

There is no single advice for all women on how to avoid this situation, because it is impossible to completely control a man’s behavior. But you can try to maintain a warm atmosphere in the family, where understanding, respect and acceptance reign. Also, knowing in advance the reasons why husbands can cheat, you can adjust your behavior and not repeat the mistakes of other women.

Note to women, what are the ways to protect yourself from cheating:

In some situations, the woman herself is to blame for the fact that her husband went to the left. Most likely, she treated him with disrespect and did not give him the time and attention that she initially had in the relationship.
You can avoid giving an extra reason for betrayal by diversifying your marital intimate life. If all the husband’s needs are satisfied, then he will not want to look for happiness on the side and once again search for another girl.
You can give your husband complete freedom of action and then he will not want to cheat, because the intrigue will be lost. If a wife does not control, does not suspect and does not try to check her man, then she completely trusts him. It is unlikely that he will want to lose such a wife.
If you cannot influence your husband on your own, then you can consult a psychologist. A specialist will help the spouses solve this problem and find the cause of its occurrence.

Psychologist's advice

Having learned about her husband’s infidelity, a woman has only two options: leave or stay and forgive him.

If, after all, the decision is made in favor of preserving the family, then you need to follow the advice from psychologists on how to behave:

do not throw tantrums because a man may begin to avoid conversation;
give him the opportunity to speak out and explain the reason for his actions;
try to be less alone at home;
until a final decision has been made, it is better not to tell friends and family about what happened;
if you want to talk to someone about this problem, then it is better to chat anonymously on forums or go to a psychologist;
It is not recommended to seek a meeting with a rival or invite her to a conversation;
You can separate with your husband for 2-3 days to analyze the situation for yourself.

If your husband cheated, then you should understand that there are no hopeless situations, and the pain and suffering caused can be survived if you approach the problem correctly. The best thing a woman can do for herself is to forgive her husband, regardless of whether the marriage survives or breaks down.