Should you forgive your husband's betrayal? 6 deciding factors

How to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on.

Because he could behave any way he wanted, go anywhere. He could have had 10 mistresses, some wanted him, some just used him, and so on. What do you have to do with it? You have been cheated on. And you should think about how to build your relationship with him, and not how they are doing there. And therefore, when he comes home from his mistress, there should be a question for him.

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- What were your intentions? Because you were kicked out there, or because you want to be here?

Now, if we remember the wonderful comedy “Love and Doves”, you all have probably seen it. So, this is exactly the situation that happened to them. The man swung to the left, and then he returned home. And this is the reception that awaited him. This is exactly the answer to the question of how to meet a man after he has returned home from his mistress.

He was met there by screams, hysterics, women crying, and his son with an ax chasing him. That is, they threw him over the fence and get out of here. He lived somewhere on the river bank in a hut. He ate whatever he caught and found. For six months he courted his wife so that everyone would forgive him and let him go home. And then the man understands the price of this forgiveness. He understands what mistake he made. And what will it cost him if something happens if he does it again.

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Should I forgive my husband’s betrayal, advice from a psychologist. 6 Key Factors

What emotions overwhelm you? You are angry? Offended? Do you feel sorry for yourself?

Whatever is going on in your soul, now the main character is your mind. Leave the conversation with your soul to a psychologist. It's our job to help you work through the pain. When making a decision, try to turn to consciousness first. After all, a serious issue is being resolved - to give the family a chance to survive, or to “finish it off so that it doesn’t suffer.” Sorry for the cynicism.

You are required to use your brain. Almost math. Answer yourself the following questions:

• How “seriously” did your chosen one sin?

Yes, I know that everyone has their own level. In one family, the mere thought of an “ex” is a reason to pack your bags. In another, the wife is ready to tolerate betrayal if her husband comes home on time. Determine for yourself what is critical for you.

• Is this the first time you have encountered such a situation?

Treason refers to that form of violation of agreements that does not tolerate “relapses.” Treason is forgiven only once, and even then not always.

• Can you understand the motives for your husband's actions?

Of course, at first glance, nothing can explain cheating if you love. But on second glance... Let's say you had problems with sex due to health problems. Did you have an argument. He freaked out. Some will say that this is not a reason for cheating. I can only be touched by the naivety of such doubters. It happens that the stars converge at one point and a set of absurd accidents leads to irreparable events. Anything can happen. In family matters, categoricality is not always the best principle, you need to understand.

• Objectively, are you ready to break up?

Let me be accused of commercialism, but is it worth sticking out your pride and integrity if, having denied your husband a second chance, you will be left on the street - barefoot, pregnant and without a livelihood?

• Should you have the final say in this situation?

By denying your husband a second chance, in fact, you put an end to the relationship. It was not for nothing that I told you at the very beginning about the locus of control. I noticed that women who are accustomed to blaming anyone for troubles, but not themselves, find it easier to succumb to their husband’s persuasion and “let” him back into the family. If a woman believes that she herself is responsible for her own happiness, then common sense and integrity come into play. The woman understands that she needs to try again. But the habit of deciding everything herself, controlling everything, does not allow her to give her husband the opportunity to do something.

If you know that you belong to this category of people - those who want to control everything themselves - be more careful with this issue. Ask yourself this three times.

When they ask me if there is a chance to save the relationship, I ask: “How do you feel about your husband?” Of course, the answer “love” is extremely rare after betrayal. But hatred, “would kill” - often. This means that the relationship is still “charged”. If there is no indifference in the relationship yet, then you can work with this relationship. Therefore, the last question will be:

• Is your relationship “charged”?

Try to answer each of these questions honestly. The answers to them will definitely lead you to the right decision. I will be very grateful to you if, when you sign up for a consultation with me about treason, you know the answers to these questions in advance. If we can’t figure it out, we’ll figure it out together.

Is it worth forgiving a man's infidelity for the sake of the child?

I don't specifically say a word about the child. Because we understand the “husband+wife” system, not “father+mother+child”. I beg you to forgive your husband for such arguments as “a child needs a father”, “a child should grow up in a full-fledged family.” These are pseudo-arguments. They cannot be taken into account. Because a child should grow up first of all in a family where husband and wife get along. If he has a mom and dad who live together but quietly hate each other, then this is much worse than if mom and dad live separately but respect each other.

How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one.

I am of the opinion that a man can be forgiven for cheating once. Give him a second chance, but there can be no third chance. Therefore, if you have not forgiven, sit at home and worry about what, but maybe he is thinking about her now. You’re also screwing something up, i.e. If you keep coming back to this situation, it just won’t go away.

You need to talk, communicate. We need to sit down and find out his position.

• Why did he come?
• What is he doing here?
• Does he want to go there?

And if he wants to go there, then he better go there. Since this person is unlikely to love you. Because he has no motive to love you. That woman was his motive, the one to whom he was going to leave. For the sake of which he was going to perform a feat. Complete your divorce and divorce her from her husband, go through all the hardships, pay alimony, etc. just to be with her. That is, these are some kind of actions. But she did not accept him, and he returned to you. And did he commit similar actions in order to be with you? If he didn’t do this, then it’s not serious, and he’s wasting your time here. He is not creating a family for you, he is simply waiting for another woman to come for whom he is ready to do something. And you miss the opportunity to find the person who will do the deed for you.

Therefore, we definitely need to talk. If a man has normal, real intentions to save your family. Then you must know what actions he must take to instill trust in you so that you forgive him and feel better. But the main thing is that you must express everything that is inside you, otherwise it will all turn into an unpleasant, or even fatal, disease.

Treason, advice on what to do.

Therefore, do not remain silent under any circumstances. And when this conversation takes place, and you dot all the “E”s, a good book by Colin Tipping “Radical Forgiveness” . Read and understand why this situation was in your life and how you had to get through it. What a lesson to learn. Because if you haven’t completed this lesson for yourself and haven’t passed the exam, then this situation will repeat itself. And it’s not even this man who will cheat on you, but the next one. Because you simply did not learn from this experience and did not draw the right conclusions. Therefore, read this book in any case, and sit down with your man at the negotiating table and decide how to forgive your husband’s infidelity.

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It is important to understand that it is possible that the motives that you attribute to him, i.e. that woman didn't take it. And what didn’t work out for them there, she didn’t need him - that’s your speculation. It may seem so to you, but in fact he has done a lot of work on himself. He struggled with himself, asked himself questions, sorted out his priorities. Perhaps in the end he arranged them correctly and therefore returned home. And the fact that you didn’t talk to him didn’t clarify this issue.

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Perhaps it is he who makes you burn in this internal hell that you have created for yourself. Doubt, worry, lose self-esteem, I am sure that you are now suffering because of this. You just don’t know his real motives, maybe he actually preferred you. Maybe he really left her because he wants to be in the family. But you don’t know this and you suffer.

Talking is always the very first step you can take. And if this conversation did not yield anything, i.e. confirmed your fears, then we will deal with the following questions. You need to save your family, maybe you don’t. But this crisis can help you to be reborn, to restart your relationship. Like in this film “Love and Doves,” everything started differently for them. They saw each other differently, their relationship was renewed. Renewal of relationships occurs just after such shocks as forgiving your husband’s betrayal.

Is it worth forgiving betrayal?

Forgiving the betrayal of a loved one is one thing, but restoring an old relationship is quite another...

And if the first must be done, the second depends on a number of circumstances and is not always appropriate.

Why you should forgive betrayal:

• only by getting rid of the oppression of unforgiveness can you look at the situation objectively and make the right decision about further actions;
• there is a parable about a sack of rotten potatoes, and so every offense (inability to forgive) is a potato that rots, and we drag it in a sack behind our back;
• it is impossible to build new harmonious relationships, dragging with you the stones of unforgiven grievances; they will always cause fear of a repetition of the situation;
• sometimes a person confuses forgiveness and oblivion; to forgive does not mean to forget and renew the relationship; to forgive means to free oneself from an unbearable burden;
• Another common misconception: to forgive betrayal means to allow someone to trample, betray, and humiliate. This is not so: your feelings have already been trampled, betrayed, humiliated, and by forgiving the betrayal, you will be cleansed from the inside.

How to behave with your husband after his betrayal.

When he thought that he had fallen in love, that his destiny was somewhere else, but he realized that he was mistaken and came home. And this is the moment when you can look at each other differently. Update, change everything and get out of the swamp that may have been in your relationship. You understood yourself, worked, and eliminated some issues that bothered him. And he was able to appreciate, look differently at your family, at your child and understand the value of family for himself. Find new strength to move on.

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And from this, perhaps, when you have already reached the bottom in your relationship, you are ready to divorce, the family is in distress. There is an opportunity to push off from it and float up. Or you can stay there, drown and become overgrown with silt. Now you are becoming overgrown with silt at this very bottom, because do not try to discuss, understand this issue, but simply suppress your feelings within yourself. You need to push off from this bottom, learn this lesson, go through this stage and be reborn. Then your family and you basically have a chance. Otherwise, for the rest of your life, this worm sitting inside will sharpen you and make holes in your soul with the fact that you doubt. Are you living with the right person, have you forgiven correctly, and are you generally worthy of a family in which they do not cheat on you?

Write in the comments your opinion about whether betrayal should be forgiven and under what conditions. Bye bye.

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