Consultation for parents “Children’s fears of children 4–5 years old and ways to deal with them”

The problem of children's fears is familiar to many parents. Small children are afraid of Baba Yaga, schoolchildren are afraid of answering at the blackboard, teenagers are afraid of being unattractive to the opposite sex.

Most fears are related to the child’s age and pass over time. However, if fear persists for a long time and brings anxiety not only to the child, but also to the parents, this is a reason to seriously think about it.

In this article, you will learn what kind of daytime and nighttime fears children have, what they are associated with, and how to help your child win the fight against his own fear.

Find out what your child is afraid of at school, whether everything is okay in class or in relationships with peers. To do this, use the application for caring parents “Where are my children”.

Content:

• Types of fears Daytime fears
• Night terrors

Types of fears

The variety of fears in children can be divided into two groups: daytime and nighttime.

Daytime Fears

Children have daytime fears:

1. Natural (based on the instinct of self-preservation): fear of death, darkness, heights, animals, elements, loud sounds, confined spaces, pain.
2. Social: fear of loneliness, people, punishment, being late, condemnation.
3. Situational: fear as a consequence of a traumatic situation (a child who almost drowned in a lake is now afraid to swim even in the pool).
4. Personal: fears are associated with the individual characteristics of the child (shyness, isolation, anxiety).
5. Imaginary: fear of monsters, Green Hand, Black Mask, etc.
6. Obsessive fears or phobias: strong and overwhelming fear associated with some event or phenomenon in a person’s life.

Night terrors

Night terrors in children can manifest themselves in the form of nightmares, sleepwalking and sleep talking. Scary dreams can recur and haunt a child almost every night. The process of the appearance of such dreams is associated with the work of the brain, which continues to work at night and processes information received during the day.

Research has shown that approximately 3% of all children on the planet under 14 years of age suffer from night terrors.

Causes of night terrors in children:

• sensitivity, anxiety and suspiciousness of children, as well as their parents;
• suffered stress;
• change of usual environment;
• painful condition, fever;
• accidents, fear;
• unfavorable family situations (quarrels between father and mother, divorce);
• emotional alienation of parents;
• increased demands on the child, frequent physical punishment.

Most often, nightmares haunt children from 5 to 12 years old.

The child begins to be afraid to fall asleep alone and asks to leave the light on or lie down with one of the parents. He sleeps restlessly, tosses and turns, and sometimes even screams. In the morning he feels lethargic, overwhelmed, depressed, and begins to be capricious. Parents also begin to get nervous, irritated, and take it out on the child. In the evening, everything repeats all over again - restlessness, growing anxiety, the child’s reluctance to go to sleep.

To prevent the situation from becoming critical and the child’s night fears from developing into pathology, the help of a neurologist or psychotherapist is needed. Parents should follow the recommendations that will be discussed later.

Age fears

Educational psychologist M. Kuzmina conducted a study, based on which she compiled a table by age. For each age and gender group, the number of fears is strictly regulated.

The advantages stand opposite those phobias that are characteristic of the specified gender and age.

Table "Children's fears by age (norm)"

The table clearly demonstrates that the number of fears increases with age. According to research, there are usually more of them in children from single-parent, dysfunctional and secluded families.

Boys who grew up without fathers experience constant fears. According to Kuzmina's research, due to the lack of a positive example of a male parent, they develop self-doubt and low self-esteem.

The table also shows age crises:

• 3-4 years - the total number of fears in boys decreases, in girls - increases;
• 6-7 years;
• 11-12 years old.

The turning point age, the so-called equator, is 7 years. Before him, in first place is the instinctive, causeless fear of loneliness, of one’s own death. Afterwards they become more aware and socialized: being late for school, the death of their parents. Starting from the age of 12, their number gradually decreases. A normal teenager without mental disorders by the age of 16 should not be subject to any of the above fears. If some of them are present, this indicates psychological immaturity of the individual, a tendency to nervous disorders, and depression. If there are too many of them, this is already an alarming signal about the presence of neurosis or phobia.

Table “Fears in preschool children”

Table “Fears in children of primary school age”

Table “Fears in children of middle school age”

Adolescence is characterized by 5 social phobias:

1. "Be not yourself."
2. Failure, condemnation, punishment.
3. Physical deformity.
4. Loneliness.
5. Hopelessness and impossibility of self-realization.

The occurrence of social fears in adolescents is greatly influenced by the place of residence. According to research, urban people are often diagnosed with a fear of ridicule (gelotophobia), bullying or loneliness. Whereas among rural people there is increased anxiety about being judged by others, communicating with strangers and punishment.

Those who are brought up in orphanages and boarding schools are afraid of a future independent life and a repeat of the fate of their “dysfunctional” parents.

What are children afraid of at different ages?

During mother's pregnancy

Yes, yes, the child becomes familiar with the feeling of fear during intrauterine development, when the mother experiences severe anxiety. The released portion of hormones passes through the placenta from mother to child, and in response to this, the baby may exhibit severe motor restlessness - pushing, kicking. This is how he reacts to fear.

In the first months of life

Anxiety in infants is often associated with unmet physiological needs. Later, the need for emotional contact with mom appears. If the mother is strict, unkind, rarely approaches and smiles at the child, he becomes capricious and restless. Babies are also afraid of separation from their mother, strangers and loud noises.

From 1 year to 3 years

The child grows, and with him his motor activity and desire to understand the world grow. And suddenly an affectionate and kind mother begins to forbid him something, limit his freedom, and raise her voice. Naturally, the child in this situation begins to experience anxiety and restlessness.

If adults maintain a balance between what is possible and what is not, the child grows up calm and self-confident. He gets his first experience of the dangers of the world around him (fire burns, ice is cold, if you pinch your finger in a door it will hurt) and learns to avoid them.

If in a child’s life there are only restrictions and prohibitions, overprotection reigns in the family, then the child grows up anxious and dependent, afraid of his own shadow.

Babies also have a strong fear of pain. Hence the whims and hysterics before going to the doctor, the fear of injections and other surgical interventions.

From 4 to 5 years

By the age of 4, children develop fears of fairy-tale characters (Baba Yaga, Koschey the Immortal, the Wolf and others). The fear of these creatures is associated with disturbing relationships between the child and adults, primarily in the family. Baba Yaga is the image of an evil, cruel, uncompromising woman. Koschey the Immortal is rude, stingy, heartless. The wolf is aggressive and dangerous.

Children are also afraid of the dark, afraid to fall asleep and be left alone at home. This is due to the fact that a child, left without parents, feels that he cannot independently protect himself from the dangers surrounding him.

From 6 to 7 years

At older preschool age, children begin to fear death. Both your own and the death of your parents.

Fears of darkness and loneliness also remain strong. The fear of fairy-tale characters is replaced by the fear of ghosts, monsters, aggressive cartoon characters and computer games.

From 8 to 11 years

By the time a child goes to school, the number of his fears decreases.

But so-called “school” fears appear: being late for school, answering incorrectly at the blackboard, fear of a strict teacher and classmates.

There is even the term “school phobia” - an obsessive fear of going to school. Often this fear is due to the fact that the overprotected child experiences separation from his parents while at school and doubts his ability to cope with all school tasks.

Parents can also unknowingly contribute to the development of “school phobia” by constantly monitoring the child’s homework and scolding him for poor grades.

Also, younger schoolchildren are afraid of not meeting social requirements: being a bad student, an unreliable friend, an unloved son or daughter.

In addition to “school” fears, children at this age are afraid of natural disasters: hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, as well as the dead and ghosts.

Find out what your child is afraid of at school, whether everything is okay in class or in relationships with peers. To do this, use the application for caring parents “Where are my children”.

From 11 to 16 years old

During adolescence, children undergo active puberty, their figure and voice change, and their body weight increases or decreases. Therefore, many begin to experience the fear of change, the fear of being ugly, ugly, unattractive to the opposite sex.

The fear of death reaches its peak at this age. Children are afraid of war, serious illness, or a terrorist attack.

“Social” fears also reach their peak: fear of ridicule, condemnation, rejection by peers, and even bullying.

Girls are more susceptible to fear than boys due to their impressionability and emotional vulnerability.

In adolescence, as in preschool: the stricter and more intolerant parents are towards their child, the more fears he has.

Fears contribute to the appearance of self-doubt, isolation, increased anxiety and depressive thoughts in a teenager.

Causes

Family

Parents must realize one simple truth: most often, children's fear is a consequence of their own incorrect behavior: overprotection, anxiety, constant busyness at work, lack of care and love. Yes, it can originate outside the family: in kindergarten, on the street, at someone’s house. But it takes root only under the influence of parental reaction. If the situation is ridiculed, not taken seriously, or ignored altogether, this subsequently contributes to the development of a deeper and more difficult to eradicate phobia.

When relatives (parents, family) are to blame:

1. Relatives are very and constantly afraid of something.
2. Constant reminders to the child of how scared he was of something, ridicule of this situation.
3. Overly domineering, authoritarian behavior of parents.
4. Lack of heart-to-heart conversations.
5. The constant presence of a frightening factor.
6. Loneliness: the only child in the family, no friends, parents constantly at work.
7. Punishment for any emotion (you cannot scream, laugh loudly, cry).
8. Misunderstanding on the part of parents.
9. Overprotection.
10. Incomplete, dysfunctional, closed family.

In these cases, to help the child overcome fear, parents must radically change their behavior.

Psychotrauma

The second block of factors contributing to the development of phobias is a psychotraumatic situation based on severe fear. It could be anything:

• sudden loud scream;
• panic of one of the adults;
• raised voices in the family;
• animal or insect bite;
• falling from height;
• severe physical injury;
• accident;
• death and funeral of someone close;
• disaster.

If a child is brought up in a positive, calm environment, in such situations he experiences a short-term emotion. If the parents behave correctly (don’t focus on it, calm it down, distract it, try to forget), it disappears and leaves no trace. Otherwise, it transforms into a phobia and becomes a psychotraumatic situation, giving rise to various mental disorders and internal complexes.

Physiology

The causes of childhood fears also include:

• younger age: the fewer years, the more there are;
• gender: girls are afraid more often than boys;
• age of parents: the older, the more fearful;
• intrauterine fear if the mother experienced a traumatic situation during pregnancy;
• organic brain diseases and traumatic brain injuries, which can have a pathological effect on fantasy;
• overly sensitive type of nervous system;
• lack of physical activity;
• heredity.

The mechanism of development of fears under the influence of physiology is the least studied and is based mainly on hypotheses. For example, none of the specialists today can explain why a child born to parents who are not yet 30 years old has much fewer phobias and anxiety states than one born when mom and dad have crossed this age limit . However, this is a scientifically proven fact.

Or, for example, a hereditary factor. Genetics cannot yet answer why some phobias are inherited. A child who has never seen a spider in his life and does not know whether they are dangerous or not screams in horror if one of the parents suffers from arachnophobia. Why this happens remains to be seen.

Other reasons

Excessive imagination

A passion for fantastic cartoons and books, horror films can generate in the child’s mind the existence of an other world, parallel to reality. Against the backdrop of a rich imagination, this is fraught with insomnia and elementary everyday cowardice. The fear of sleeping without light, going alone to another room, looking into a closet or basement become real psychologically traumatic situations. Any shadow on the wall is perceived as a monster, any rustle - as the presence of ghosts.

Social maladjustment

Any interpersonal conflict outside the home can turn into a persistent fear of further communication and new acquaintances for a child. The reason can be the most insignificant situation - a casually thrown offensive word, public ridicule, a rude remark from a teacher or teacher. In the future, this will manifest itself in stiffness and autism.

Constant pressure

The reason may be present both in the family and in the social environment outside the home (in kindergarten, school, yard company). If a child constantly hears about a specific terrible event (murder, death, fire), he develops a persistent fear of it. Preschoolers, for example, often invent monsters for themselves and try to lighten their burden by scaring others with them. The phenomenon of a chain reaction is known, when children in a kindergarten group were afraid of the same monster, which turned out to be a figment of the imagination of one of the girls. Such situations are far from uncommon.

Mental disorders

Fears are common in children suffering from various diseases of the nervous system and psyche. If they are not recognized by adults in time, they can develop into serious pathologies. The most common cause is neuroses.

Copying a reaction

Psychotherapists believe that the society surrounding the child is most often to blame for instilling children's fears. When faced with an emergency situation, he looks at the reactions of other people - parents, peers, adults. Depending on whether it is frightened or calm, he develops a stable pattern of behavior. Next time he will react to her the same way.

This is proven by a study conducted in one of the kindergartens. The participants were of senior preschool age. A rare animal of an unusual species was brought to the zoo of this city - an aardvark (an exotic earth pig). In the first group, during classes, the teachers showed photographs of this animal and, touching them, told how cute, kind and sociable it is. The second one was told exactly the opposite - how dangerous, aggressive and uncontrollable a predator he is that attacks a person.

After 2 weeks of such work, the children were taken to the zoo. As one would expect, the kids of the first group were moved by the unusual animal, like their teachers, they wanted to pet it and did not experience any fear. The preschoolers of the second group did not even approach his cage, they huddled close to the adults, and some girls squealed when the animal tried to get closer.

Causes of fears in a child

1. Overprotection combined with increased anxiety of parents.

Worried parents, worried about any reason, unconsciously give the child the message: “This world is full of dangers. You can't handle them on your own. Always be with us, and we will protect you."

Only children in the family suffer especially in this regard.

The age of the parents also plays an important role. The older the parents, the more concerned they are about the life and health of the child.

2. Conflicts between parents, frequent physical punishment, especially from the father.

A child in such an atmosphere grows up fearful and unsure of himself.

3. Emotional “coldness” of parents.

The child does not develop basic trust in the world, a sense of security and safety.

4. Psychotraumatic situation in the past, fear.

Any negative experience experienced can take hold and cause feelings of fear in the future. For example, if a child was bitten by a dog as a child, as an adult he will avoid and be afraid of even small dogs.

5. Films, videos, computer games with scary characters.

A child’s thinking is not yet critical, and many begin to fear monsters from films in the real world.

6. Mental disorders.

Children with mental disorders are also characterized by numerous fears. This especially affects children with autism spectrum disorder.

Causes of fantasy fears and how to respond to them

Waking up after a good sleep, adults can remain for some time in sweet euphoria, without separating dreams from reality. At such a moment, it is easy for them to understand children 4-6 years old, who are under the influence of their own rich imagination almost all day long. Computer games, fairy tales, and cartoons populate the world of children with fictional characters, and sometimes even entire corporations of monsters.

Fear of fictional characters

A particularly impressionable child, while watching a children's show, a cartoon, or after reading a scary fairy tale, may become frightened of an evil hero and “revive” him in his imagination at any time of the day.

A big role in this is played by parents, who with enhanced artistry convey the images of a wolf, the mythical Babai or Baba Yaga. Some adults go even further - they scare the child with the fact that there is some evil that can take a naughty child from his parents even without their knowledge.

What to do?

The fear of fictional heroes is closely intertwined with the fear of punishment. Therefore, first of all, you need to completely eliminate the manipulation of scary heroes in your own interests when you want to achieve impeccable behavior from your little ones. Such intimidation can make his psyche unstable for a long time and in the distant future there is a risk of encountering real neuroses.

It is best to come up with a fairy tale in which the scary main character becomes kind and begins to help everyone.

Art therapy is appropriate. That is, evil can be drawn as funny as possible and make it vulnerable to the baby. For example, dress up a wolf as a fireman and send him to save people, and present Baba Yaga as a comical and good-natured old woman.

As soon as a child voices his fear and talks about it with an adult, in most cases the fear recedes almost immediately. Therefore, it is so important to simply talk with the baby in a calm environment and convince him of complete safety.

More details in Fear of fairy-tale and fictional characters: ways to combat it

Fear of nightmares

Children become the most vulnerable at night, when no adults are around. Fear of nightmares is one of the most common fears in children 4-6 years old. Unfortunately, it does not come alone, but complete with a fear of the dark, loneliness and closed spaces.

What to do?

Excitement before a bad dream is dangerous in itself. In such cases, parents should remember to use a night light, a slightly open door and calm conversations before putting the baby to bed.

It is appropriate to come up with magic words that will play the role of protection, to allow you to take your favorite toy.

A mother's gentle touch, a relaxing massage, a kiss before bed are the best ways to convince a baby that he is loved, and therefore protected.

You may also be interested in the article Sleep problems in preschool children

How to recognize childhood fear?

In babies, fear is expressed in freezing or, conversely, in increased motor restlessness; they cry, hide behind their mother, or run away. The source of fear in this case is not difficult to identify.

Preschoolers and schoolchildren cannot always talk about what scares them. Parents should be wary of the child's constant tension, motor agitation, increased fatigue, restless sleep, frequent headaches, moodiness and tearfulness. All this suggests that the child is in a state of chronic restlessness and anxiety, and he will need the help of a psychologist.

The main methods for diagnosing fears in children over 3 years of age are based on drawings (“Drawing of a family”, “Draw what you are afraid of”). Methods such as “Fears in the Houses” and “Finish the Fairy Tale” are also used. With their help, you can find out what worries and worries the child, what fears predominate in him.

In high school and adolescence, psychologists use questionnaires that allow them to assess the degree of psycho-emotional stress of the child, the level of anxiety and predisposition to neurosis.

Carefully find out what is really going on with your child and help him cope with his fears. Install the “Where are my kids” parental control app to know where he is, what he is doing and who he is spending time with.

Diagnostics

Identifying children's fears at a young age usually takes 1 session with a psychologist. The older the child, the more difficult the diagnosis, as secrecy, mistrust and other age-related behavior patterns appear.

A wide variety of methods are used for diagnosis in preschool and primary school age.

"Houses"

The most common and accurate method for identifying children's fears, compiled by M. A. Panfilova and A. I. Zakharov based on research by M. Kuzmina. Her table “Children's fears by age (normal)” was presented above. The child is given two sheets of paper with houses drawn on them. One is black, gloomy, terrifying. The other is colorful, bright, cheerful, beautiful. The teacher-psychologist lists the fears from the table, and the baby “settles” them among these two houses. Before this, he needs to explain: what goes into black is what is scary, and what goes into multi-colored is what is not scary. Next, the number of phobias in the first house is calculated. If it exceeds the norm, the child is sent for correction.

"Silhouette of a Man"

Author - L. Lebedeva. The technique determines the emotional state by color choice, according to Luscher. The child is asked to draw and color a person (or is given a ready-made outline). The presence of fears is indicated by the predominance of black, gray and brown.

"Drawing of a family"

Authors: G. T. Khomentauskas and V. K. Loseva. The technique allows you to track panic experiences generated by the situation in the family. The location of the child in the picture, the presence of other relatives, whether they are close or far from him, whether they are holding his hand or not, the color of his clothes and much more are assessed. Diagnostics is most often used by family psychotherapists.

Diagnostic questionnaires are also used:

• P. Baker and M. Alvord;
• G. P. Lavrentieva and T. M. Titarenko.

I. V. Samoilenko suggests using fairy tale therapy for diagnosis. A fairy tale with a problematic ending is read out, which the child must figure out. If everything ends well for him, it is unlikely that he has problems with phobias.

In addition to all these methods, parents and educators are asked to observe the child for 3-5 days. If he suffers from phobias, certain markers will indicate this:

• frequent mood changes;
• muscle tension, muscle convulsions in the face and neck;
• excessive excitability, nervousness;
• tearfulness, moodiness;
• lack of appetite;
• sleep disorders;
• difficulty concentrating.

Polysomnography is used to diagnose nightmares. Using computer programs, the child is monitored while he sleeps. The result is a hypnogram containing information about the quality and structure of sleep, the quantity and duration of stages and phases. Based on this, a conclusion is made about the presence or absence of pathology and treatment is prescribed.

How to help your child cope with his fears?

Psychotherapeutic techniques

In the fight against children's fears, the most effective psychotherapeutic techniques, which, with certain preparation, can be used by parents:

Drawing

By drawing, a child gives vent to his feelings and experiences, desires and dreams, models reality, and painlessly comes into contact with frightening, unpleasant and traumatic images.

Try inviting your child to draw what he is most afraid of. After this, you can tear up the drawing, burn it, throw it out the window with the words “Here we have conquered your fear. How brave and courageous you are!”

A game

In role-playing games, children acquire certain skills, learn social forms of behavior, and take on different roles.

A child, joining the game, crosses the threshold of shyness and fear, wins victories and suffers defeats, and gains self-confidence.

The game “I’m not afraid of horror stories, I’ll turn into whoever you want” is popular in children’s institutions. The children “turn” into a scary character (Koshey the Immortal, dragon, etc.), whom the driver names, and freeze. The driver chooses the child who turned out this character best, and he becomes the driver.

Fairy tale therapy

This method is used in the correction of fears and anxiety in children starting from the age of five. A special fairy tale is selected or an original one is composed that reflects the child’s specific fear. As the story progresses, the characters defeat him.

Using the example of fairy-tale heroes, a child learns to look his fears in the face and not be afraid to fight them.

How to overcome night terrors?

For a child to sleep peacefully at night without nightmares, he must feel safe and know that he is not in danger.

1. Under no circumstances should you scold or shame your child for being capricious and not wanting to sleep alone. Sit next to him, calm him down, stroke his head, wait until he falls asleep.
2. During the day, the child needs physical activity in the fresh air and outdoor games.
3. 2-3 hours before bedtime, the child should not have:
   computer games;
4. cartoons and fairy tales with scary characters;
5. quarrels and clarification of relationships in the family;
6. heavy food;
7. stuffiness in the room;
8. tight, uncomfortable sleepwear.
9. The time to fall asleep should be the same, regardless of whether it is a weekday or a weekend.
10. Waking up a child should not be abrupt. It is better to use not an alarm clock, but mother’s touches and strokes.
11. Strengthen your child's body. Exercising and a healthy lifestyle will be the best prevention of night terrors.

Reasons for real fears and how to respond to them

Let's take a closer look at the main childhood fears in children from 4 to 6 years old and try to figure out what adults need to do about it. Provided a competent approach and adequate support from parents, in the absence of conflicts in the family, children's fear is overcome quite quickly.

Fear of animals and insects

For some children, the fear of insects or animals is relevant.

What to do?

In such cases, it is recommended to change the baby’s emotional state - from frightening to interested. For example, go out into the field with him, find a spider there, and put it on your palm. After this, you should explain to your child that the spider is completely open in front of you, is not up to anything and, on the contrary, is more vulnerable than people.

Telling interesting stories about animals and insects that your baby is afraid of can arouse curiosity on his part. The more the baby knows about the subject of his fear, the faster he will get rid of fear.

In the case of a dog, you also need to create a favorable background around the animal. Never yell at your child or intimidate him because the dog might bite or infect him with something. Explain to your child that it is forbidden to pet a dog without the owner’s permission and that it is better to establish first contacts with the animal from a distance so as not to scare it away.

Look through books and encyclopedias about animals, visit exhibitions, and demonstrate how to safely interact with insects and animals by your own example.

Fear of white coats

This fear is closely related to the fear of pain. An injection given by a person in a medical cap and a white coat, or an examination with unpleasant instruments leaves a child with an association with unpleasant sensations for a long time. Children begin to be terrified of doctors, and this fear is much stronger and more dangerous than the pain itself caused by the procedure.

What to do?

To reduce the fear of people in white coats, a few days before going to the clinic, tell your child about the doctor’s work. Play doctor with him, using as many special medical instruments as possible: listen to him, examine the oral cavity, and perform other possible manipulations. Be sure to switch roles with him.

When communicating with the doctor and nurse from the treatment room, be courteous and polite, watch your emotions: smile kindly, behave at ease - the child should see your calmness and confidence that nothing threatens him.

If you visited the dentist or vaccination office, do not forget to praise your baby for his patience and courage, even if his condition was the opposite. After leaving the clinic, try to immediately switch the baby’s attention to other objects: tell him an interesting story, a fairy tale.

Fear of loud noises

One of the innate fears of humans is the fear of sharp sounds. Nature is designed in such a way that a loud sound is a symbol of danger. In addition, loud sounds contribute to overstrain of brain cells and lead to disruption in the functioning of some organs. Therefore, the instinct of self-preservation makes the child flinch at sharp shouts, roar, or grinding of machines.

What to do?

If your baby suddenly bursts into tears due to thunder or other sudden noise, you should stand next to him, hug him and let him know that you can protect him, he is safe next to you. Do not laugh at him, do not shame him, otherwise he will begin to hide his fear from you, but he is unlikely to be able to cope with it on his own.

It is best to start games with different sounds: from quiet to loud. A metallophone and ringing metal spoons are suitable for practicing. Go together to a noisy children's party or a fun attraction where everyone squeals, screams and jumps. The joyful noise will gradually accustom the baby to loud sounds.

Fear of strangers

Fear of strangers arises in infancy and has quite obvious roots. It is formed at the physiological level - the baby subconsciously begins to sense danger in a stranger. At the same time, he withdraws, lowers his head and hides behind a loved one.

If parents behave correctly, fear usually goes away by the age of three or four. But, if socialization at this age has not begun, it is worth paying special attention to the problem. Otherwise, the situation threatens to lower the child’s self-esteem and negatively affect further communication with peers.

What to do?

Since fear in this case goes hand in hand with shyness, parents need to take the first steps themselves. For example, approach children on the playground with your child who are already communicating with each other. Talk to them, introduce them to your child. You should visit children's centers and developmental classes more often, and visit friends who have children of the same age.

If the baby is afraid to be alone with another adult, for example, with a nanny, you need to take a little more time to get to know each other. In order for the child to get used to strangers, the three of them need to spend some time together. As soon as the baby begins to trust the new person, contact him first, you can safely leave them alone.

Fear of loneliness

The fear of being left without a mother for a long time is considered a common fear among children. In no case should he be mistaken for spoiled behavior or unreasonable whims. The fear of losing your mother is quite natural and requires a delicate approach.

What to do?

Always explain to your child when you will be back. For example: - “After you sleep and eat your afternoon snack.” It is recommended to make such approvals regular. In this case, you should not only negotiate kindly with the baby, but also fulfill your promises in a timely manner.

Fear of the dark and nightmares

One of the important childhood fears is the fear of the dark. The baby’s imagination develops rapidly, giving him monsters, scary characters from cartoons, fairy tales, books, hidden in the closet or under the bed.

What to do?

The main condition for combating the fear of the dark and fictional characters is a calm psychological atmosphere in the house. Under no circumstances should you scold a child for being afraid or throw indifferent phrases like this: “There’s nothing scary there.”

Reassure your child that he is completely safe. To do this, leave the door to his room open, buy a funny children's night light.

Offer to draw or sculpt someone he is afraid of, then give the hero a comic look and laugh at him together.

Come up with an interesting fairy tale with a scary character from a child's imagination, ending it positively. Your hero should gradually turn into a good friend and assistant.

Make it a rule before going to bed to calmly talk with your child in his room, read books, listen to calm music together. Physical contact and gentle words are appropriate.

Claustrophobia

The fear of the dark has something in common with the fear of enclosed spaces. The child may not voice the problem and the parents notice it themselves, closing the door to his room in the evening, or getting stuck in the elevator with him. Frequent manifestations of claustrophobia are accompanied by panic attacks and dizziness. Children can run to their parents in the middle of the night and start crying.

This obsessive fear occurs more often in the only child in the family who has limitations in communicating with peers. It especially affects children who receive excessive amounts of affection and love.

What to do?

First of all, the child in such a situation should be calmed down and taught to breathe evenly. Scolding someone for what you think is an unmotivated fear is strictly prohibited. You can’t do the opposite and lock him in the room.

Games aimed at overcoming the stiffness that arises in a confined space can be effective. For example, a specialist in the field of child psyche A.I. Zakharov offers the psychological game “Penetration and exit from the circle.”

The essence of the game is that adults and children stand in a circle, clasp their hands and close their eyes. At the same time, they declare out loud that no one will be able to penetrate their circle - they carefully guard it and there is no place for any daredevils there. This phrase itself subconsciously incites the child to fall into the circle. Players walk outside the circle and try to slip unnoticed under one of the pairs of hands. The one who slipped into the middle loudly claps his hands and everyone opens their eyes in surprise. The second part of the game involves the same way out of the circle.

Fear of punishment

Even the most harmless punishment of a child can lead to unexpected consequences. Thanks to measures to lock a naughty baby in a dark room, closet or other place with little light, he may develop several fears at once: fear of confined spaces, darkness, loneliness, the appearance of nightmares in his sleep.

In addition, such punishments break the child’s psychological connection with adults; he feels alienated by his parents, which in the future can lead to problems in marriage for an adult.

What to do?

It is worth remembering that any mistake of a child is, first of all, a parental omission in upbringing. And that means you need to punish yourself, not him. Any reproach should always be expressed in the form of love for the baby. Otherwise, he will begin to associate the evil mother with Baba Yaga from a fairy tale, and his father with the Serpent Gorynych, which will give rise, in addition to the above fears, also fantasy ones. You can read more about this type of fear in the article “Fear of fairy-tale heroes and fictional characters.”

Recommendations for parents

Helping a child cope with his fears means understanding his feelings, hearing his own “I” and strengthening self-confidence.

• Joint activities of the child with adults and peers help to cope with children's fears: walks, games, visiting a puppet theater, circus, sporting events. The more interests children have and the more varied their lives, the less they will be fixated on their fears, concerns and anxieties.
• Take an active part in your child's life, but don't try to control everything. The child must trust you and share his secrets with you.
• Create a comfortable, calm atmosphere at home in which the child feels loved and protected.
• In no case should you frighten your child with fairy-tale characters for the purpose of discipline (“If you behave badly, Baba Yaga will take you away, the dragon will drag you away”, etc.).
• Do not discuss disasters, accidents, stories about ghosts and the other world in front of your child. Children are impressionable, and such conversations remain in the memory for a long time. Many, even when they become adults, still remember what scared them in childhood and what scary stories adults told.
• Teach your child to a clear daily routine and follow it even on weekends and holidays.
• Reduce the amount of time your child spends on gadgets.
• Do not make fun of the child’s fear, do not try to explain to him that there is nothing to be afraid of. It’s better to say, “I’m with you, I understand that you’re scared.”
• Be patient. Most fears go away on their own with age. The main thing is to prevent them from poisoning the child’s life and developing into pathology.
• The psychology of children's fears is such that most of them are born in the family. Pay attention to your own psychological well-being. If you yourself are naturally anxious and restless, try not to pass these feelings on to your child.
• Don't ignore your child's fears. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your child, seek advice from a psychologist.

Treat children's fears as an inevitable phenomenon of a child's growing up, without unnecessary worry, condemnation, and even more so, ridicule. If a child feels the love and care of adults, and is sure that he will be supported and protected in any situation, then he will be able to independently win the fight against his fears.

5

What is important to consider when dealing with fears?

It is necessary to use all the methods known to you: play therapy, fairy tale therapy, art therapy (sculpting, drawing, appliqué), friendly conversations

1. Love, warmth, and sincere participation of parents in solving problems with fears in half of the cases eliminate fear in the bud.
2. You cannot scold and go from the opposite direction - forcing the child to overcome fear by force. Only a gentle explanation and encouragement will help in situations where the child manages to cope with fear on his own initiative.
3. It is necessary to use all the methods known to you: play therapy, fairy tale therapy, art therapy (sculpting, drawing, appliqué), friendly conversations.
4. You should not expect a quick effect. Combating fear is a painstaking process that requires great moral commitment from parents.
5. If something doesn’t work out for you and your baby’s fear develops into a phobia, be sure to consult a specialist.

Methods of dealing with fears: Fairy tale therapy for children's fears. Correction of children's fears with the help of art therapy. Getting rid of fears with the help of games. Examples

Best of all: create a safe environment at home. A child should always see a confident father and a gentle, caring mother. Then there will be no place for fears in his life for long.