About self-confidence: what does it mean in psychology, what is it like in a person

In the modern world, self-confidence is of great importance as a special characteristic of a person who wants to be successful. Despite the fact that this element of behavior can be developed, there are relatively few people who are confident in their abilities, knowledge and skills. Perhaps the reason for this is the enormous responsibility that is required of the individual.

Confidence is in everyone

What is self confidence

Confidence is a state of mind that expresses a lack of fear of mistakes, a desire for errorlessness in general. Confidence is freedom from doubt. Self-confidence is an adequate assessment of one’s skills and abilities, an objective self-assessment, in which success in overcoming obstacles and achieving goals becomes more likely.

Note! Overestimating oneself, one's capabilities and knowledge has the definition of self-confidence. Underestimation is lack of self-confidence.

Self-confidence is an individual’s unfounded confidence that he has no shortcomings or negative character traits. Such a person is prone to risk and does not attach importance to real threats, in particular to his health. Self-doubt is the fear of making decisions, of acting in general, due to doubts about one’s own strengths, skills, and knowledge. The basis of such insecurity is that a person does not actually trust himself, so it must be overcome. These qualities are harmful to a person, so it is considered important to achieve a golden mean.

Signs of confidence and uncertainty

Self-confidence can be observed by the following signs:

Possessing a high level of responsibility;
Knowing the value of promises, not giving false hopes;
Striving for constant self-development;
Every decision has an argument;
Desire to help others and inspire;
Ability to ask for help;
Discussion about failure as an important lesson, experience, wisdom;
Harmonious physical, mental and spiritual development.

How to increase self-esteem for a child - what affects self-confidence

A confident person, be it a woman or a man, attracts success because she is not afraid of losses. At the same time, he understands the value of risks and will not allow major failures, even if others call it a defeat. The important thing is that such a good quality of character can be developed.

Uncertainty is determined by the following characteristics:

Fear of making a mistake;
Pessimistic expectations for tomorrow;
Suppressed emotions;
Weak social behavior skills, social phobia;
Slowness in decision making;
Dependence on other people's opinions;
Tendency to try to shift responsibility onto others.

Note! If there is someone responsible next to such people, then they live quite comfortably.

Insecure people have difficulty communicating with others

Self-esteem needs to be increased, the level of self-confidence increased, even if the individual assures that he does not need it. If you take responsibility, you don’t need to be confident in your loved one, because you no longer need to rely on others for everything.

School of Black and White Psychology

The famous American writer Mark Twain believed: “To succeed in life, you need only two things: ignorance and self-confidence.”

However, do not confuse self-confidence with self-confidence or even arrogance. Self-confidence is unfounded self-confidence, overestimation of one’s capabilities, arrogance, which often results in dangerous situations. Self-confidence is most often inherent in people with high self-esteem, convinced that they have no shortcomings. And self-confidence is a person’s faith in himself, supported by knowledge, experience and a positive assessment of the abilities necessary to achieve certain goals. So what is he like, a confident person?

1. Confident people are smiling and friendly. In any situation, they try to maintain a positive attitude and share it with the people around them, regardless of whether they know each other or not. Confident people do not like to discuss bad news or spread negative information. They focus on the positive qualities of other people. 2. A self-confident person can be recognized by the “language” of his body. A confident person can be identified even from a large group of people without even having time to talk to him. During a conversation, such a person does not move “nervously” from place to place - he tries to maintain eye contact with his interlocutor. His speech is not characterized by harsh intonations, at the same time he does not mumble, but speaks firmly, calmly and confidently. 3. Confident people do not seek to suppress other people. They feel comfortable with who they are, live their own lives and deal with their problems without imposing their point of view on anyone. It is important for them to maintain good-hearted relationships with other people, so they are careful in their actions and statements. As Mark Twain wrote: “A great man makes you feel that you too can become great.”

4. They have good communication skills Not everyone can communicate freely with strangers. Self-confident people find such communication easy. They easily carry on a conversation on any topic in any unfamiliar company. They turn this skill to their advantage, because the acquired connections can be used, for example, for business development. 5. Confident people are not afraid to look ridiculous in the eyes of others. The fear of getting into an unusual situation and being ridiculed haunts many people. But a confident person believes that he is the best, so in any case he cannot look stupid. Even if you find yourself in awkward circumstances, a confident person will come out of it thanks to his sense of humor. 6. They give compliments to other people and know how to accept them with dignity. If we want to be trusted, we must not forget to praise other people. Of course, praise must be sincere - do not forget that any person, in addition to shortcomings, also has advantages. It would seem that nothing could be simpler. But not all people like being told compliments and know how to accept them - some even try to avoid them. The inability to accept compliments is one of the signs of self-doubt. A confident person receives them with a smile on his face and gratitude, expressing friendliness and good manners. As they say, “Whoever talks about his own merits is ridiculous, but whoever is not aware of them is stupid.”

7. Don't compare themselves to other people Insecure people tend to constantly compare themselves to others. But in our environment there will always be someone who is more beautiful, more successful, richer - in general, better. Therefore, the self-esteem of an insecure person tends to zero, which does not contribute to increasing self-confidence. A confident person's confidence is based on his knowledge and experience, so he does not attach too much importance to what others think of him - he has his own opinion on this matter. It is important for self-confident people to observe progress in the development of their own personality - from yesterday to today. As one of the famous people said (these words are attributed to the French playwright Cyrano de Bergerac), “You cannot compare yourself with someone. You can only compare yourself with yourself yesterday.” 8. Confident people do not divide the world into black and white People with low self-esteem have the peculiarity of dividing people into good and bad, and the world into black and white, without being able to consider the richness of shades. They tend to condemn themselves for almost every action, because it does not fit into their concept of the ideal standard. Confident people have the ability to look at situations from different angles. They are in no hurry to condemn both themselves and others, and make a harsh statement or categorical assessment.

9. They don’t apologize too often If a person has the habit of endlessly apologizing for almost any of his actions, because he feels guilty even without a good reason, this indicates his lack of self-confidence. A self-confident person is used to being responsible for his actions, so he does not often have to apologize. 10. A confident person knows his own worth. He thinks first of all about himself. True, many of us have been taught for years that we should think about ourselves last, otherwise we will be known as selfish. Perhaps in some situations this is indeed true. However, if a person always puts his own interests below the interests of other people, believes that he does not deserve better, sacrifices desires and aspirations to please other people, then over time he will develop a feeling of dissatisfaction with his life and he will begin to blame them for his failures and unfulfilled dreams. According to the law of interaction “take-give”, if we give something to someone, not so important - in a relationship or at work, then we should receive care, attention, money in return. But if we only give and receive nothing, then we lower our own value. And as a result, other people also stop appreciating us.

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What does a confident person look like?

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for men and women

Having understood what confidence is, it is worth paying attention to what a person with this quality looks like. Every little thing matters: speech, clothing, posture when speaking.

It is worth noting! A self-confident person, being quite strict and serious at first glance, stands out noticeably from others because he exudes a special energy.

Appearance

The main components of the appearance of an individual striving for self-confidence are posture, facial expressions, and voice. There is an exercise on posture during which you need to stand against a wall for 15 minutes, touching it with 4 points of the body: the back of the head, shoulder blades, buttocks and heels. If there are skirting boards in the room that are unacceptable for the exercise, it should be done at the door. A more modern method allows for the presence of a medical retainer, the wearing of which must be careful - the time spent in it increases gradually, starting from 5 minutes a day.

Teeth are an important element for facial expressions, so proper care is necessary for them, because a pleasant smile creates a friendly atmosphere. Be sure to combat bad breath. The intonation is clear, the voice is moderately loud. It is noteworthy that they can be trained.

Note! It is important to have well-groomed hands, which will symbolize a person’s health, as well as their financial condition.

Clothing will tell the interlocutor about such character traits as neatness, modesty or demonstrativeness, a predisposition to conservatism or radicalism. It’s not without reason that they say that “you meet people by their clothes,” so it’s important to prove yourself, at least at the first meetings.

Way of thinking

It is important to have good knowledge in order to be able to answer any question in a timely manner, what does it mean for people to be self-confident. Reading is a confident person's best friend. Regular familiarization with the “latest news” in the world in the field of technology and science, politics and the public will help predispose the interlocutor to communicate. Considering the direction in which an individual wants to express himself, he needs to collect information about it, analyze it, apply it in such a way as to really understand the essence.

Such people know how to predispose to themselves

Behavior

Self-confidence presupposes restraint and steadfastness. Such a person will not fiddle with a handkerchief, pen, or buttons in his hands; he will not shift from foot to foot, but will stand straight, but not tensely. The individual is both soft and stern in communication: he will listen, but is unlikely to waste time on empty conversations. Such people control themselves, their posture, they know body and gesture language and never neglect them.

The Complete Guide to Self-Confidence

There is an opinion that self-confidence is more than just knowledge and skills. Of course, this is not entirely true, but there is a grain of truth in this thought. It is easier for a self-confident person to get what he wants, while an insecure person is characterized by doubts and delays.

Every day, every hour and every minute we decide how we will behave. And if we don’t do this consciously, we will only react to circumstances and the demands of other people. Confidence is necessary in order to know what you want and take all possible actions in order to get what you want.

If you don't have confidence, you automatically become insecure. It may seem that calmness and regularity are what lies between confidence and uncertainty, but in fact they are precisely part of confidence.

Imagine confidence as a certain desire, on the way to which there is an obstacle - external or internal. Internal may be fear or doubt. External - lack of money or experience. But even in this case, we are still talking, rather, about internal obstacles. You see a goal, but you're afraid of the imaginary pain you imagine and come up with dozens of reasons why you won't be able to achieve it.

This article is a confidence guide for anyone who wants to believe in themselves and get rid of fears. Or at least start acting without regard to them.

Self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem is a person’s idea of the importance of his personality, evaluating himself and his own feelings and qualities, strengths and weaknesses. There are three levels of self-esteem: low, adequate and high.

With low self-esteem, a person tends to often criticize himself (even when it is inappropriate), perceive criticism addressed to him painfully, and please others in order to increase his self-esteem.

High self-esteem is the opposite of low self-esteem. Often associated with exalting oneself and one’s merits, inadequate assessment of one’s own importance, etc. Inflated self-esteem, if it is fueled not only by imagination, but also by real qualities and successes, is not always a negative phenomenon. A person with high self-esteem can be both self-confident (which is bad) and driven (which is good). In the latter state, he believes in his abilities so much that he receives a fair amount of motivation and even luck, due to which he succeeds in whatever he undertakes.

Adequate self-esteem is an ideal state for professionals in their field, people who are not shocking and who know their worth. With this level of self-esteem, a person can learn from his mistakes, take criticism well, and gradually move towards success.

Considering the above, you need to understand that adequate self-esteem is good, but appropriate inflated self-esteem can also come in handy. Miracles happen when there is a balance between them.

Factors that influence self-confidence

Factors that influence our self-esteem and self-confidence are also internal and external. But since they often intersect and shape each other, we will consider them together.

People around

Successful, confident people avoid pessimists or those who constantly doubt. They, like no one else, understand that the environment influences how a person thinks. Therefore, rule one: surround yourself with confident people.

Lack of sleep and poor diet

It's hard to imagine a confident rock man who eats poorly and doesn't pay attention to his health. You can practice self-hypnosis as much as you like, but if your body fails you, it will also affect your psyche.

A person who has slept poorly cannot be self-confident for the reason that this requires great willpower. Willpower is energy that must be replenished through sleep and rest.

Willpower level

If you've ever struggled with breaking a bad habit or starting a good one and lost, know that 50% of the time it was due to a lack of willpower. It is needed in order to wake up in the morning and ask yourself the question “How confident am I in myself?” and having received the answer “Not at all sure,” you could instantly pull yourself together and begin to follow the recommendations (which will be discussed later).

It turns out to be a vicious circle. You cannot become confident because you are not confident in yourself. Willpower training will help you get out of the vicious circle. You can instantly cheer up and feel confident in your abilities if you really want it. It's like when you lie exhausted on your bed after work, and then you receive an invitation to a cool party and your strength instantly appears. The fact is that they did not disappear.

Willpower allows you to access your inner strength. You just have to want it.

Competence/Confidence Loop

Psychologists have long noticed one interesting pattern. The more a person engages in any activity, the more confident he becomes. Two conclusions follow from this: good and not so good. The good thing is that confidence will come as you begin to gain experience and improve your professional level. What's not so good is that it takes time.

But in this case we are talking about the purest self-confidence. The one that becomes second nature to you.

Level of fear and doubt

Take good care of yourself. The next time you feel unsure, listen to what exactly you are feeling. Most likely it will be fear or doubt. Therefore, the first step is the ability to recognize them and honestly admit to yourself that you are afraid or doubtful.

Fears and doubts are accompanied by the same thoughts or questions. For example:

What if I get rejected?
What if I don't succeed?
I can not.
Anything but this.

We are afraid of pain, often far-fetched. Ask yourself other questions, preferably in writing. Analyze why you think this way. Is it really that bad?

Inner voice

What words do you say to yourself immediately after waking up? What words do you say to yourself when you go to bed? What words do you say to yourself when faced with difficulties?

The inner voice has an incredible impact on the psyche and dozens of different aspects of our lives.

Stress and pressure

Failing to deal with stress and pressure can kill confidence. It is important not only to fight them, but also to notice them in time. If it’s difficult to notice, then plan a mini-vacation in advance. You can't go wrong with these things—tension will still arise.

How to increase self-confidence

Considering all of the above, let's get down to ways to develop self-confidence.

Get ready . You can rely on impromptu only in unforeseen situations; in everything else, you must prepare carefully. The speaker must study his speech and practice his gestures, but at the same time he must learn a lot of additional information - just in order to increase the level of competence. A businessman must not only know how to create a company, but also understand the characteristics of the product being produced, marketing, and sales. Confidence comes from preparation and knowing you know enough.

Use correct body language . Google “Power Pose,” go to the pictures section, and practice some power poses. If some of them seem too pretentious to you, do the minimum - don’t slouch, look straight into the eyes of your interlocutor, relax your body.

Pay attention to the voice . When you mumble or speak uncertainly, a conversation takes place between you and the other person on an intuitive level: you know that he knows that you are not confident in yourself. Which makes you even more uncomfortable. Don't be loud or quiet, don't chatter, control your voice.

Develop optimism and positive thinking . This means that you must develop a certain attitude towards your failures and mistakes. Once failures stop bothering you, half the job is done. Be persistent.

Vicarial learning . It is observing the achievements of others. This includes both working with successful people, masters of their craft, and reading biographies. Don't hesitate to use any of these methods. This way you can see how people deal with the same challenges you face.

Verbal persuasion . Oddly enough, even the banal thought “Come on, you can do it” is much more effective than a train of thought that instills fear. If you take the time to talk to yourself for at least a few minutes, the effect will be even stronger. It is important to understand that such phrases should become a habit, and not be used occasionally.

Increase your emotional intelligence . A confident person will never experience emotions that are inappropriate for the situation. He is in complete control of how he feels and does not allow negative and destructive emotions to take him by surprise.

Action, action, action . Pull yourself together and start doing something. It hardly matters how valuable these actions are. You can water the plants in your home and feel a huge surge of strength and energy. Have you noticed that when you do nothing, you get even more tired? When we are not confident in ourselves, we cannot get down to business and bring anything to the end. You need completed things, you need to show yourself that you can do it.

Get to know yourself . Before entering battle, a wise general carefully studies his enemy. You cannot defeat the enemy without knowing him. When it comes to developing self-confidence, your biggest enemy is yourself. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about what you think, analyze the reasons for negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, about what you can do better than many people, about what you like. Start thinking about your limitations and whether they are real. Know yourself.

Focus on solving problems . If you are a complainer or problem-focused, change your focus. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for confidence.

Clear your work area . It may seem inconsequential, but just do it. Insecurity comes from confusion, don't add it to your life even on a physical level.

Features of confidence of men and women

For men, self-confidence is the ability to act, to perform confident and measured actions, to achieve mastery in something. Men are motivated by achieving goals and success; their specific measurement is important to them.

Women increase their self-confidence through self-esteem, as well as their inner attitude. If for men it is sometimes enough to behave confidently and gain a surge of strength through actions and deeds, then for women it all starts from within.

A woman cannot feel confident in herself if she does not feel comfortable in the situation. Having found peace within, she is able to believe in herself. At the same time, for women, external factors are of great importance, which are then interpreted internally: her appearance, her gait, the compliments she receives.

Speaking about self-esteem as the main character of female self-confidence, it is worth saying that it is formed from many factors: addiction, social anxiety, general anxiety, shame, depression, inferiority, helplessness, perfectionism (and its consequence - procrastination).

There are several ways you can improve your self-esteem:

Change history . We all have a self-image that shapes our self-perception and on which our core image is based. If we want to change it, we must understand where it comes from. Is this our personal opinion? Sometimes automatic negative thoughts, such as “you're fat” or “you're lazy,” can be repeated in the mind so often that a person begins to believe they are true even when they are not. But what do you really want to believe? Repeat this to yourself every day.
Be aware . We cannot change something until we admit that it needs changing. Simply by becoming aware of our negative self-regulation, we begin to distance ourselves from the feelings it causes. This allows you to identify with them to a lesser extent. But without this awareness, we can easily fall into the trap of believing in our limited potential, and as meditation teacher Allan Lokos blazes: “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just thoughts.”
Set up a new channel . Albert Einstein once said: “Each of us is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, then it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.” We all have strengths and weaknesses. Someone can be a brilliant musician but a terrible cook. No single quality defines your core value. Recognize what your strengths are. Ask yourself: “Have you ever experienced a situation in my life where my self-esteem increased? What was/was I doing at that moment?
Remember that you are not a product of circumstances . By accepting your imperfections, you create the potential for growth. With this knowledge, you can grow freely rather than fear failures that don't change your core value.

What books can you read?

To develop self-confidence and make it a personality trait, you need to work hard on yourself. To do this, you need not only to follow these tips every day, but also to analyze yourself, not stop improving, and read books on this topic. Here are some of them:

Dale Carnegie: How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.
Robert Anthony "Secrets of Self Confidence"
Alice Muir "Self Confidence" A book for working on yourself."
Amy Cuddy "Presence of Mind"
Malcolm Gladwell "David and Goliath"

We can also recommend videos of Tony Robbins, which you can find on YouTube: pay attention to what he says, how he speaks and how he behaves. Robbins can be a great role model for many who want to be confident.

We wish you good luck!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Overcoming impostor syndrome
How to gain self-confidence
Conditions for character formation
Three masks of pathological narcissism
Mental tricks for self-confidence
Characteristics and types of conflict personality
10 Steps to Healthy Self-Esteem
How to communicate with manipulators
How to increase self-esteem: practice from the field of NLP
Formation of correct self-esteem

Key words:1Self-knowledge

Self Confidence Structure

Every person is self-confident, but the level of self-esteem is completely different. Thus, they distinguish between low self-esteem, normal and high self-esteem. If the level is low, a person needs additional motivation to achieve harmony with himself. If it is too high, the individual will have to be brought down “from heaven to earth.”

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a woman - psychology

Confidence presupposes the ability to plan the path to a goal, giving it a beginning (the first step), thinking through actions, thinking through obstacles and consequences in achieving it.

Note! If the consequences turned out to be irreversible, then a confident person breaks them down into their components: a step towards understanding them, justifying self-respect, and also deriving new opportunities from such a mistake in order to gain satisfaction from the experience gained.

Self-confidence consists of the ability to communicate and behave in society, using the right statements and compliments. Such people give without hesitation and receive with gratitude. They are often an example of motivation, a model of success, being the center of attention.

A confident person is not afraid to start moving towards a goal, during which he tries to take everything possible from the process: develop talents, gain new knowledge, work independently and in a team, being part of it or in a leadership role. A confident person is able to take on different roles, realizing more and more of himself.

Self-confidence Confident

Self-confidence as a personality quality is the tendency to show loyalty to oneself, faith in oneself and one’s strengths, acceptance of oneself complete with one’s weaknesses and allowing oneself to make mistakes; the ability to express a sense of confidence (an inner sense of strength and rightness), confident behavior and certainty in decisions.

During an art lesson, the teacher approached the boy and asked, “What are you doing?” “I am drawing a portrait of God,” answered the student. - “No one knows what God looks like.” - The boy said: “They will know when I finish.” This is how self-confidence is cemented.

It’s a surprising fact that both men and women, when asked what personality traits they find most attractive in the opposite sex, invariably put self-confidence in first place. Women highlight self-confidence, determination and responsibility, while men highlight self-confidence, sensitivity and sincerity. What is the difference between feminine and masculine confidence? R. A. Narushevich believes: “A man’s confidence lies in the fact that one way or another I will make this woman happy. Anyway. If we need quality, we will develop quality; if we need money, we will earn it and find it. As much as necessary to make her happy. I need to protect her - I don’t know how to protect her, I’ll study. What is a woman sure of? The fact is that I will protect myself and earn money, if necessary, too, even if he doesn’t earn it. I'm sure it's nothing. Let's get married, I'm confident in myself, so we can get married. If you don't make money, I will. A woman is confident that there will always be a man who will take care of her .

In my childhood there was a very popular riddle: A and B were sitting on a pipe. A fell, B disappeared. What's left on the pipe? We answered with delight: “And.” Let's complicate the riddle. By A we will understand “significance”, and by B we will mean “fear”. Solve the riddle for adults: “Importance and fear have settled in you. If the significance has dropped, the fear is as if it had never happened. What will remain in you? The answer is self-confidence.”

Any emotional state when we feel out of place is explained by fear and the excessive significance that we attach to objects and situations in life. What kind of self-confidence can we talk about if we are regularly worried about fears of death, illness, loss of loved ones, loss of things, bank account, reputation, position and passions? We attach excessive importance to things. For example, we bought a good car and believe that life wouldn’t be life without it. Just the thought of a possible theft throws us off balance.

The fear of losing a loved one makes us dependent and insecure. We accumulate money and things. This is significant for us. Significance creates fear of loss. As soon as we say, “I can’t lose this. This is important to me,” this is how fear arises. When we react to the behavior of others with irritation, resentment, or anger, we protect our importance. We are outraged that others do not behave as we would like. Our pride and ego suffers. We so want to control everything, but they have left the zone of our control. If their behavior is indifferent and unimportant to us, we are calm and balanced. For example, we cannot be knocked out of the saddle by the customs of the Australian Aborigines or the relationships between wolves in a pack. Of course, if this is not important to us. It’s another matter when a man leaves us in an interesting position and says: “They joked with her, but she pouted.” If it is significant for us, there is no need to talk about self-confidence. And if we passionately wanted a child, knowing in advance that there would be no continuation of the relationship, then with pregnancy we will only add points to our own self-esteem. Listen to this dialogue and you will understand everything: “Are you sure you are ready to give up what you are giving up?” - “You can’t be absolutely sure.” - "It is forbidden?" - "Of course not. There is nothing absolute in the world. I just know that at this moment I need you more than anything in the world.” - "And tomorrow?" - “And tomorrow we’ll see.”

Trying to gain self-confidence, we attack the external and internal world. We act on the principle: the best defense is attack. In attack we look for a panacea for self-doubt. This is an extensive path that takes a lot of energy and nerves. With the energy of pushing our opponents away, we only create excess potentials. Ultimately, we will face a fiasco, and the created boundaries of confidence will have to be built anew.

In pursuit of confidence, we often do not build protective lines at all. Let's bluff. Self-hypnosis increases self-confidence. We are trying to make the appearance of one out of zero. Inflated confidence also creates excess potential because it affects the interests of others. If we tell our Guardian Angel: “I can handle everything,” no one’s interests will suffer. Balanced forces are dormant. But when inflated confidence gives rise to a feeling of superiority, disdain and contempt for others, it will be demanded by the balancing forces, and the person will receive an educational lesson from them.

Do you recognize such feigned confidence? The bunny got drunk. “What do I care about Leo!” he shouts. “Should I be afraid of him? It’s as if I couldn’t eat it myself! Submit it here! It's time to settle accounts with him! Yes, I'll skin him seven times! And I’ll let you go naked to Africa!..” In the morning, not a trace of such confidence will remain. Sometimes a timid, shy person tries to squeeze out fear and gain confidence through alcohol. Remember from V. Vysotsky: “Pashka came here - your damned godfather, I barely gave in - even now I’m trembling. He's been walking around angry and drunk for almost three days now. Before pestering, he drinks for courage.”

You can pump up your biceps and triceps. Pumping yourself up with confidence is a useless effort. Self-confidence is any of our emotional states that has lost its fears and importance.

For example, we need to speak in front of a large audience. Successful performance requires self-confidence. Where can I get it if I’m scared? We respect people, that's why we worry. People's assessment is important to us. Artificially pumping yourself up with confidence is a waste of time. Self-deception. Calls to control yourself don't work. All our energy goes into controlling ourselves, not into action. “I can’t,” we say. “More confidence,” we are told. “Mmm...okay, I'm sure I can't,” we reply. We can only remember the trainer - the hero M. Boyarsky from the song “Up”: “But when I don’t want to go into Up’s cage, I tell myself and take a step.” And we take a step, forgetting about everything. The brain works feverishly, pulling out improvisations from the subconscious. Bernard Werber wrote: “A false note played poorly is just a false note. A false note played with confidence is improvisation.” Only if we reduce the significance of our speech and people's reactions to it, fears will dissolve like sugar in a glass. When the fear of speaking in front of an audience (and tigers) disappears, self-confidence will immediately appear. We were timid and unsure while fear lived in us, fueled by the importance of what was happening. When we reduced the importance and, accordingly, squeezed out fear, self-confidence appeared. This algorithm of actions is inherent in all our emotional states. The French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, the conqueror of Europe, an outstanding personality and a strong-willed man, who with his very name brought delight to his friends and horror to his enemies - and he once fainted from fear when he had to give a welcoming speech to his army.

How much self-confidence depends on a decrease in importance is perfectly demonstrated by this parable: One businessman bought a huge diamond in South Africa, which was the size of the yolk of a chicken egg. The man was upset because... a crack was discovered inside the stone. Showed it to the Master. He shook his head in admiration and said: “This stone can be split into two parts, from which two magnificent diamonds will be obtained, and each of them will be more expensive than the diamond itself. But the problem is that a careless blow to a stone can break this beautiful miracle of nature into a handful of tiny pebbles. Diamonds made from them will be many times cheaper than this diamond, and will cost practically nothing. I can't take that risk, and I won't do this work. Other jewelers in many countries where he visited on business trips also responded in the same way. Then he was advised to contact an old jeweler from Amsterdam, who had golden hands. Having examined the stone with interest through his monocle, he began to warn about the risk. Interrupting the jeweler, the businessman said that he had already heard this story and knew it by heart. And the jeweler agreed to help, naming the price for the work. When the owner of the stone agreed, the wise jeweler turned to the young apprentice, who was sitting in the distance with his back to them and doing his work. Taking the stone, the boy put it on his palm and hit the diamond once with a hammer, breaking it into two parts and, without looking back, returned it to the jeweler. The shocked owner of the diamond asked: “How long has he been working for you?” - “It’s only the third day. He doesn’t know the real price of this stone and that’s why his hand was firm and didn’t shake.”

Finding yourself in an unfamiliar environment, many experience discomfort and feel constrained and insecure. But we have all met people who, in any situation, feel confident, at ease and naturally, do not put on airs or blush like a maiden of marriageable age. They are not afraid to look like a “black sheep” because they have everything in order with a sense of self-importance and fears. In this context, all people would like to be equal. Equality is a long-standing dream of humanity. In fact, people will only be equal if their self-confidence is equal. In confrontation with others, you don’t need to defeat people, it’s enough to deprive them of self-confidence. An insecure person is not capable of real struggle.

It appears that self-confidence arises simultaneously with the beginning of action. This is due to the switching of attention from fear and importance to the implementation of action. The eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing. But action does not create confidence; it only temporarily releases the energy of our intention. Self-confidence is not instilled by positive statements or self-hypnosis. Confidence is a consequence of dealing with importance and fears.

We can temporarily excite ourselves into confident action, but then life will return us to the starting point. Don't try to become impostors of confidence.

At the start, we again begin to compare and overestimate our realities, thereby giving birth to relationships of dependence and disturbing equilibrium forces. We resemble a braggart cat who loved to sing: “I am the greatest, I am the most, I am the most, I am the most learned of all cats!” In other words, right from the start, confidence again produces excess potential, creates work for balancing forces for educational lessons. Confidence and uncertainty are a dual pair. The whole difference in these concepts is only in the sign: confidence is a plus, and uncertainty is a minus. Both require energy expenditure and are destroyed by equilibrium forces. Seeking external confidence is like a kitten chasing a sunbeam. As S. Freud said: “You never stop looking for strength and confidence outside, but you should look within yourself. They have always been there."

Thus, by giving up wasting energy in the battle with the world for our importance and throwing off the importance of objects in the external world, forgetting about fears, we will achieve a state of true confidence. It does not need assessments and comparisons, confirmation and evidence. She really understands her strengths and finds use for them in what she loves. A self-confident person lives in complete harmony with himself and with the outside world in accordance with his moral principles. He is an integral and self-sufficient person. In the unity of soul and mind, he is independent of evaluations and comparisons, free from fear, resentment, envy, anger, irritation and condemnation. He does not experience feelings of guilt, dependence, superiority and contempt. We know people whose confidence is beyond doubt from history and from our own lives. Confidence achieved through crooked roads will be inflated.

Petr Kovalev 2013 Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/

What to do to gain confidence

People who don't have much success in life wonder what it means to feel confident. Almost every day the question arises why some people get everything easily and simply, while others have to work hard and then at the risk of being left out. When there is no self-confidence, there is no confidence in the future, or in work, or in any other direction in life. Therefore, it is very important to start training this quality, for which, first of all, you need to respect and love yourself.

You don't need to appear better, but it's important to be yourself

Confidence is an attitude towards oneself, which is built from self-esteem, respect, and recognition of achievements. All these elements are associated with doubts that, it would seem, should be excluded. However, statistics show that doubts have a right to exist, unless you listen to yourself and understand that experience will overcome them.

It is important to observe those moments when a person’s confidence completely leaves him - these are his vulnerabilities, topics that need to be worked on. To do this, you should pay attention to your strengths, which will help in effectively combating uncertainty.

Note! One of the most important and difficult rules is to exclude from your life people who promote insecurity with words like “you won’t succeed.”

At critical moments, you need to imagine what an individual would do if he were confident. Then you can move in this direction, taking into account an interesting point: everything depends only on the person himself.

You shouldn’t seem better, because in a moment a person gets tired of it, then he shows his true self, which others are sincerely surprised by. However, you should be friendly and attentive.

Self-confidence is a psychological description of a person who is ready to take responsibility, take risks, and receive rewards for hard work. This quality manifests itself in everything: behavior, conversation, appearance. It is also important that confidence can be increased and trained. The main thing is not to overdo it, otherwise excessive self-confidence can be harmful.