Consultation for parents “Children’s negativism”

Children's negativism. Tips for parents

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Many parents are familiar with this picture: the child literally says everything and does the opposite. Moreover, it seems that he is deliberately acting out of spite. This can be encountered in the behavior of a preschooler and even more so a teenager.

The baby is offered to go for a walk, but he cries and shouts that he wants to play at home. In a moment of irritation, he may throw toys and objects at a person anywhere. He can be capricious, rude, destroy something, or he can withdraw into himself. Moreover, the reasons for this resistance are often unclear to others. This behavior is usually called negativism.

Why is the child protesting?

Negativism is a child’s unreasonable resistance to influences exerted on him (Pedagogical Encyclopedic Dictionary).

This is how the child protests against the circumstances of life, against the attitude of different people towards him: loved ones, peers, other adults. Objectively, these circumstances or relationships may not be unfavorable. The main thing is how the child or teenager perceives them.

Often the reasons for such behavior are not obvious to others, because the child himself carefully disguises them. For example, anxiety and fear: “I can’t cope, it’s better to give up altogether” or “I’ll look funny.” Sometimes children protest against some life circumstances. This could be the birth of a younger brother or sister, parental divorce, forced relocation, change of school, etc.

In essence, negativism is a reaction to some unsatisfied need. For example, in understanding, approval, respect, independence. This is one way to overcome a difficult situation, although not the most constructive.

They talk about passive negativism when a child simply turns a deaf ear to our requests and demands. An active negativist tries to do something opposite to what is asked of him.

Parents often say that their child is stubborn. We can say that stubbornness is a weak form of negativism. And in terms of behavior they are similar. But the reasons for similar behavior are still different. A stubborn person strives for self-affirmation. A negativist protests against an unfavorable situation for himself.

They also talk about such a trait as perseverance - this is the desire to achieve one’s goal despite obstacles.

A child may show negativism in relationships with someone close to him or with the entire family, only in the family or almost everywhere he appears.

Can anything be done about this?

The most universal remedy is to take into account children's needs, desires, capabilities, and abilities.

Do not pass off your wishes as the wishes of a child or teenager. Try to understand his condition and mood.

More often than not, children's negativism is a transitory phenomenon. But it can take hold and become a stable personality trait if adults behave too harshly and the child constantly experiences emotional stress.

How to help a negative person?

In almost all children, parents report protest reactions at certain periods. There are so-called crisis periods of childhood - one year, three years, six-seven years and 13-16 years. At these moments, the child (or teenager) tries to move to a new stage of his development, take another step towards independence, independence, and establish himself in his own eyes and the eyes of others.

It is important to understand here: the child refuses to fulfill the request not because he does not want it. It is much more important for him to show independence and not submit to the will of an adult. If you adhere to flexible tactics, you will help your child not only avoid unnecessary conflicts today, but also become more independent and independent in his future adult life.

When raising a negativist, try to consider the following points:

• The rules must be clear to children.
• A child should have not only responsibilities, but also rights.
• Communicate demands and reminders calmly but firmly. An adult's irritation will only strengthen the child's negative reaction to the ban.
• Keeping a diary helps with any problems in a child's behavior. Firstly, observation helps an adult to step back, look at the situation more objectively, and reduce emotional intensity. Secondly, understand what exactly causes the child to protest. It rarely happens that negativism lasts from morning until late at night.
• The child needs to have a choice. Give him this opportunity. For example: “Are you going to shower or take a bath today?”
• You should not punish a child just because he says the word “no”. A child who does not have the right to object will not be able to defend his point of view in the future.
• It is worth paying attention to whether the word “no” is used too often when communicating with a child. Try to reduce the number of prohibitions - perhaps some of them are unnecessary. Let the word “can” be used more often, denoting desirable forms of behavior. For example: “You can’t draw on wallpaper, but you can draw on paper.”
• Use a sense of humor and play to help. When dealing with a stubborn child, the opposite method can be effective: “Don’t even think about going to bed at 8 o’clock today.” Or the boy-girl game “in reverse”: “Today you do everything the other way around when I ask you for something. And tomorrow I will become a “reverse mother.” If some techniques don't work, come up with something else. The main thing is to experience as many positive emotions as possible from mutual communication.
• Encourage activity, search for new things, and independence. You don’t want your son or daughter to grow up passive, dependent on other people, and unable to make decisions?

Be patient and don't expect immediate results. Just remember that this is a very important period in a child’s life.

Speech negativism in a child. What should parents do?

Authors : Koval Irina

Recently, the number of non-speaking children aged 2–3 years has increased significantly. On the playground, it is becoming less and less common to see children who can speak in accordance with the age norm. But more and more often there are silent children who prefer to communicate with signs or generally ignore peers and adults. And when parents have doubts about their child’s lack of speech, there are always well-wishers who will reassure you and advise you not to panic, but to wait until “everything gets better on its own.”

But most often, parents do not listen to advice, but with the best intentions, they begin to persistently and constantly ask the non-speaking child to repeat the words after them: “Say...”, “Repeat...”. The worst thing is that by doing this they will only aggravate the situation - the child may refuse to speak at all. The obsessive insistence of adults can cause speech negativism in a child.

How does speech negativism manifest itself?

The child refuses to communicate, becomes withdrawn, and aggressiveness is observed in his behavior. Children avoid communication with adults and peers, and when asked questions they defiantly turn away and remain silent, sometimes humming and pointing.

Often a child with speech negativism tries to satisfy all his needs on his own, without turning to adults or peers. He takes out toys from the shelf himself, takes the necessary things from the closet, turns on the TV or computer himself. Such “independence” even pleases parents, but they simply do not realize that behind such “independent” behavior lies the immaturity of verbal communication skills and persistent verbal negativism.

How to make a child want to talk?

First, it is necessary to arouse in the child a desire to communicate and create motivation for verbal communication. How to do it? You need to start with the simplest games.

Let's give an example. You need to take your child’s favorite toy (doll, car, kitten, dog), sit down next to the baby and start performing actions with the toy. “Here comes our cow: stomp, stomp. How is our cow going?” Answer your own question: “Top-top.” “What is the name of our cow?” And again, give the answer yourself, without demanding anything from the child: “Burenka. Our cow’s name is Burenka.” “What does Burenka say?” And your answer: “Mu. Burenka says moo, moo, moo.” “Where are Burenka’s horns?” Pointing our finger at the horns, we say: “Here are Burenka’s horns. Horns". We carry out the same manipulation with the eyes, mouth, tail, etc. You shouldn’t expect the first words from the baby right away - don’t demand anything, just play and say the simplest words over and over again: “Top-top”, “Moo-moo”... The child may be interested in following your actions, but only follow. At the initial stage, there may be no attempts to repeat the words that the mother pronounces. And when after a while the baby timidly and quietly says “mu-mu” or “bi-bi”, praise him and rejoice! After all, this is a small victory, yours and your baby’s! Contact has been established, the desire to communicate and talk has appeared.

What to do if a child pretends that he is not interested in such games? Take a closer look at the baby. If he does not follow the actions, but listens carefully and has, as they say, “ears on top of his head,” then there is no need to be nervous about this. You are on the right track. This type of game is new for the child, and he approaches it with caution and wariness. In such a case, it is necessary to continue manipulating the toys. And very soon the baby will join you. After all, they don’t demand anything from him now, and it’s so interesting to follow everything new.

It should also be remembered that the child is not yet able to concentrate on any activity or subject for a long time. Therefore, the duration of such a game is short, no more than 3–5 minutes. It is also very important to constantly change the subject of the game. Now it’s a cow, after a nap it’s a car, in the evening it’s a doll, etc.

When the child pronounces individual words more confidently, one should move on to the next stage - to stimulate the imitation of an adult’s speech. What does that require? We select words that are simple in syllabic composition (at the initial stage, 5–10 words are enough). For example: a cube, a ball, a house... We continue to play with objects in the same way and say: “This is a cube (ball). What did we take? And we pause. If the baby does not answer, then we repeat instead: “Cube.” “Let’s put it on another cube. It turned out to be a house. What have we built? “Home”, etc. Gradually, the pauses after questions increase - this is how we encourage the child to enter into dialogue.

Strive to ensure that your baby follows your articulation. If the child is silent and does not respond, do not scold him. Continue to enthusiastically “verbalize” any of your and your child’s actions. We talk to the baby in the same way during routine moments. “We go for a walk, sleep, drink, eat...” The main thing is that the child does not realize that you are specially working on speech development with him - communication should happen at ease, naturally, comfortably for the baby.

During educational games, you should avoid words such as: “Repeat...!”, “Say...!”. After some time (usually a couple of days), the child himself will begin to repeat syllables after you, and then words, and answer questions, so be patient.

Don't forget about praise

It is very important for a child to hear words of praise from his parents: “Well done!”, “How great!”, “High five”... We praise the child not only with words, but also with hugs, or even kisses. The more a child hears praise, the closer contact he has with you, the more he opens up and tries.

The next stage in the development of a child’s speech is stimulation of the need for communication. To do this, you need to ask the baby questions: “What did you bring?”, “Is this for me?”, “What do you have in your hands?” Then give your child a choice: “What should I give you: a ball or a cube?”, “What do you want: drink or eat?”

Questions of this type not only encourage a verbal response, but also contain a hint word for imitation.

Attention! In the Question-Answer game, you need to use only those words that the child already knows and has repeated repeatedly.

Reinforce any speech activity of the child, do not skimp on praise and kind words. Strictly avoid evaluations and any demands.

Remember the taboo words: “Wrong!”, “Say it again!”, “Say it like this...”, “Watch yourself!” They should not be in your speech.

And always remember the goal - to rid the child of speech negativism, and subsequently - to ensure that the child himself begins to show speech activity and does it with pleasure.

Patience to you, loving and caring parents!

published 20/02/2019 14:51 updated 24/02/2019 — Pedagogy and psychology, Growth and development, Speech development

Reasons for negativism

The basis for the appearance of negativism can be defects in upbringing, including the family scenario of attitude towards life, formed accentuations of character, periods of crisis, and traumatic situations. What is common to all factors is intrapersonal infantilism, when a person creates the illusion of denying the need for this with the resources to solve a problem, the ability to get out of a conflict, argue one’s position, or ignore an attempt to interfere with one’s boundaries. If this form of perception is episodic in nature, then this may be a stage of recognizing and overcoming the new, unknown and frightening.

But if such a pattern of behavior takes on a constant course, then we can talk about the formation of a character, a behavioral script. This is a form of pathological ego defense, a denial of the factor that attracts attention. The reasons include a feeling of internal uncertainty, helplessness, and lack of necessary knowledge and skills to overcome a problematic situation.

During periods of crisis, negativism as a frequent symptom is a reaction to a change in the social situation, as a result of which the individual cannot rely on previous experience and requires new knowledge. Since they don’t exist yet, the fear of not being able to cope causes a reaction of resistance. Normally, having received the necessary knowledge and experience, a person moves to a new level of self-development. Development requires a certain amount of work, a period of mastering and overcoming.

If a person avoids this process, then he will grow old at the stage of resistance, refusing to develop and the accent that he cannot overcome is declared as undesirable. During periods of early childhood crises, the cause may be an overprotective upbringing scenario and parents do not allow the child to go through the overcoming stage on his own, trying to reduce his frustration (in fact, his own) from the unknown.