Parents and children: psychology of relationships in the family

⭐ Rights independent of age

All inalienable rights of Russians under the Constitution also apply to children. Accordingly, children have the right to safety, health, education, work, private property, etc.

The basic rights of the child are enshrined in the Family Code. Among the most important legislative guarantees, children are provided with:

The right to life and upbringing in the family.
The right to know your parents.
The right to full development and respect for human dignity.
The right to be cared for by parents and live together with them.
The right to communicate with parents and other relatives.
Right to full name.
The right to express your opinion.
The right to receive maintenance from parents and family members.

. Parents can pay for additional medical and educational services, but only if they wish. Higher education can also be obtained free of charge, but based on the results of a competitive selection.

The child is guaranteed a place in kindergarten on a first-come, first-served basis and in school on a territorial basis. There cannot be any exams for admission to the first grade at school, unless these are additional places.

The child has the right to housing. Until the age of 14, he lives with his parents and consent for his registration is not required. Even if parents rent an apartment in order to obtain temporary registration for a child, they do not need to seek consent from the owner. It is unacceptable to register permanently in an apartment with your grandmother if your mother lives at a different address.

The right of ownership is guaranteed to the child at birth. The child has the right to personal belongings. This could be his favorite doll, or large real estate, for example, an apartment. Real estate can be purchased for a child, gifted to him or inherited.

When inheriting property, children have priority status under Russian law. They are among the heirs of the first stage and have additional privileges. So, if their father decides to leave the entire apartment to his common-law wife, then the child under 18 will still receive his share, contrary to the parent’s will. He will receive 50% of the property.

Despite the complex of inalienable rights, until the age of 18, parents make almost all the most important decisions for their children: representing them in court, concluding deals, compensating for damage caused, paying taxes and fines, etc.

New law on child housing

Law on free hot meals for schoolchildren

Relationships with the child in the family

“Psychological characteristics of children of primary school age” - Psychological characteristics of children of primary school age. Readiness for school. Emotionality of younger schoolchildren. Age-related characteristics of will. Age-related features of imagination development. Main achievements. Age-related characteristics of thinking. The child must want to learn. Analytical and synthetic activities.

“Psychological characteristics of younger schoolchildren” - Structure of educational activities. The organization of full-fledged educational activities is the main condition. Childhood. Central neoplasms of primary school age. Right hemisphere. Resilience increases. Memory. Junior school age. Age-related psychological characteristics of younger schoolchildren.

Focus on the child

Sometimes parents, who have ceased to be interested in each other, but continue to create the appearance of a family for the sake of the child, concentrate on him, his development and upbringing. Forgetting about themselves, mom and dad get stuck in the role of father and mother, and this contributes to the formation of emotional burnout.

Emotional burnout is fraught with severe irritation, anger, fatigue, and lack of control over emotions. A child needs mentally healthy and emotionally stable parents, and this is only possible when switching from role to role: from mother to wife, from wife to daughter, from daughter to girlfriend, from girlfriend to colleague

That is why it is so important not to forget that you are not only mom and dad, but also husband and wife

A child in such a situation is almost always exposed to overprotection, which negatively affects his development.

Is it possible to end relations with parents?

It is not for nothing that many psychologists value information about the client’s family history in their work. In fact, the ability to build a dialogue and negotiate successfully is most often born in a person in the process of being raised by parents who themselves know how to negotiate, respect and support each other. Watching them, the child begins to understand his emotions and desires; under psychological pressure, he will feel discomfort and will be able to defend personal boundaries.

But in a family where fear and manipulation reign, there can be no talk of support and mutual respect. Children in such families live in a situation of psychological violence and are rarely able to understand themselves as individuals. Therefore, in the future it will be difficult for them to take responsibility for what is happening in his life; he will blame his failures on someone with whom he will not even try to come to an agreement.

If in your relationship with your parents you encounter aggression, threats, attempts at manipulation, or even blackmail, stop further communication or try to minimize it. You can think through the minimum necessary for you to communicate with this person, clearly understanding why this is needed and in what volumes is acceptable.

There is no need to “burn bridges”

But it is important to understand that no one will feel better because you allow yourself to be manipulated or are unhappy when communicating with a person. Do not let anyone violate your personal boundaries, even when it comes to relationships with your parents.

You should be alerted by a feeling of discomfort when communicating with a person. In this case, you can directly communicate what worries you and express your attitude to the situation. At the beginning, such actions will be difficult for you, but in the future they will allow you to build a relationship with a person on new terms that suit you.

What are the relationships between people?

Mutual development. The basis of such relationships is the desire for joint development. A man and a woman engage in joint activities, communicate a lot, have a lot of common interests, can conduct joint business, and support each other in the process of improvement. Such relationships are a frequent choice of rationalists and pragmatists.
Full mutual understanding. This is a spiritual union in which each of the partners is so comfortable that they receive pleasure only from the fact of being next to each other.
Calculation. In such relationships, at least one of the partners is looking for direct benefits.

Relationships are mutual behavioral programs. That is, for example, a relationship between two people, each of whom has a certain behavioral program about the other, is a relationship.

Child-parent relationships in the family

Healthy parent-child relationships in the family contain two components. Love is the first ingredient. The attitude towards the baby in the family should be based, first of all, on love for him, and not on control and educational methods of influence. The child needs to feel that mom and dad feel love for him simply because he exists, and not for his behavior, actions or good grades. The love of parents is the guarantee that the baby will grow up with a normal level of self-esteem, a sense of self-esteem and trust in the world around him. Children who are simply loved accept themselves exactly as they really are, which is of great importance in their entire subsequent life. After all, if you enter adulthood considering your personality “unworthy” or “bad,” your chances of a decent and successful life are reduced to zero.

The second component of the parent-child relationship is freedom of choice. Providing it to a child is often much more difficult than love. It is quite difficult, and sometimes very scary, for parents to allow their child to make his own choice. Since they are always confident that they know better what to do, but the child wants to do it his own way only out of pure stubbornness. However, freedom of choice should be distinguished from lack of control and permissiveness.

Even if the baby feels love, excessive control on the part of dad and mom leads to the risk of developing various forms of addiction. Reckless parental love, enhanced by total control, is an explosive mixture. This “cocktail” suffocates and prevents you from breathing. Women with increased anxiety and over-concern are prone to such overprotection. They control every step of the child, every new hobby. As a result, the baby can grow up either fragile and vulnerable, unable to withstand any difficulties in life, or simply try to avoid such love by any means. The nature of family relationships, based on total control, as most psychologists claim, causes children to often escape from reality into “chemical dependence,” mainly drug addiction.

Control, coupled with parental dislike, can destroy a child’s personality, which can ultimately lead to suicide.

Excessive freedom given to a child, combined with dislike, provides an opportunity for the formation of a child's personality, but at the same time leads to a great risk of physical injury. Such relationships are most often observed in dysfunctional families, such as families of alcoholics or drug addicts. In such family unions, children receive almost absolute freedom of choice, since, in principle, no one needs them. In such relationships, children have a high probability of dying, but at the same time, children have the opportunity to grow into independent, purposeful individuals.

For the purpose of educational measures in family relationships, parents can turn to various methods of influence, such as encouraging or punishing the child, the desire to demonstrate behavior patterns by their own example. Praise from parents will be more effective if the child has a warm, friendly relationship with them, and, conversely, if the relationship between the participants in the seminal process is cold and indifferent, then praise will provide practically no incentive for the baby. Thanks to the use of encouraging parenting methods, the development of a child as an individual can either be accelerated and made more successful, or slowed down. You should not abuse punishment in the process of education. It should be used only if it is practically impossible to change the child’s behavior in any other way. If there is a need for punishment to increase the educational response, the punishment should follow immediately after the offense. Very harsh punishments should not be abused, as they can cause fear and anger in the child. Children who are often shouted at and constantly punished become emotionally indifferent and display increased aggressiveness.

The psychology of family relationships comes down to the fact that everything that happens to a child is entirely the merit of his parents. Therefore, parents must learn that after the birth of a child, they have the opportunity to either help the child in the processes of socialization, personality development, learning, etc., or, conversely, hinder it. Refusal to participate in raising children is also a kind of contribution to his future. But whether it will be positive or bad, time will tell.

Relationships between parents and children in the family

Bibliographic description:

Relationships between parents and children in the family / N. F. Abramenkova, V. A. Aslanidi, M. V. Lukina [etc.]. — Text: immediate // Aspects and trends of pedagogical science: materials of the III International. scientific conf. (St. Petersburg, December 2017). - St. Petersburg: Own publishing house, 2021. - pp. 186-189. — URL: https://moluch.ru/conf/ped/archive/273/13334/ (access date: 07/09/2021).

From the moment the baby is born, the development of the relationship between parents and child begins. Relationships with young children are usually easy. The child is very dependent on his mother, she always takes care of him. There is a warm and strong connection between them. Parents and children are connected by daily and frequent communication with each other. Such contacts contribute to the development of trust, spiritual unity, consistency of actions and aspirations in life. Relationships are based on feelings of parental love and care, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, and children’s attachment to their parents. In order to never lose trust and warm feelings for each other, parents must support the child in all the difficulties and difficulties that arise. But often this does not happen. It is very difficult for an adult, being at home, to abandon his problems and switch his attention to the child. Hence the misunderstanding, the child’s feeling of resentment, and dissatisfaction with his relationship with his parents. The tender and fragile soul of a child requires special careful treatment, and most importantly, every minute he must see, realize, feel that he is loved for who he is. According to the Russian psychologist Yu. B. Gippenreiter, a child should more often hear the words: “It’s so good that you exist in the world!”, “We are so glad to see you!”

The baby must be sure that he is very needed in this world. He needs to know that there are always loving and understanding adults nearby.

The world of an adult and the world of a child are two universes, but in a family these two worlds must not only exist, but interact with each other. “Children are the world’s gentle riddles, and in the riddles themselves lies the answer...” these lines by M. Tsvetaeva have a deep meaning. People are always happy to see little children. Their appearance brings a lot of smiles and attention. Children are a strong source of happiness. But a child is the greatest mystery; he is not like adults, because he thinks, feels, perceives his surroundings differently from them. Adults need to know and understand this.

Unfortunately, in recent years there has been a replacement of true values with false ones, a distortion of morality - increasingly separating society from that lofty and eternal thing on which life has always rested. According to the concept of humanistic psychology (A. Maslow, K. Rogers and others), a person’s desire for security is one of the important needs of life. The protection of the rights and interests of children in Russia is reflected in the Constitution of the Russian Federation, the federal laws “On Education of the Russian Federation” and “On Basic Guarantees of the Rights of the Child in the Russian Federation”, in Decree No. 701 “On the National Strategy for Action in the Interests of Children for 2012–2017”. The primary institution for child protection is the family. Only together with your family can you solve the great task of raising a worthy, successful, spiritually and physically healthy person.

For a child, the family is the main environment for living, development and psychological formation. It is in the family, during early childhood, that a child learns to understand the world, comprehends the basic mechanisms of cognition, the foundations of relationships between people. It is in childhood that the basic skills and abilities and psychological qualities of a person’s character are laid down, which he only develops throughout his entire subsequent life. The institution of family is extremely important for a child, since the period of childhood is characterized by partial isolation from society. Parents for a child are the main source of understanding human relationships (relationships between parents and children, relationships between parents and the older generation). The development of a child’s personality is influenced not only by the parents’ relationship with the child himself, but also by the parents’ relationship with each other. So, if a child receives enough attention from his father and mother, both parents take an equally active part in his upbringing, the child is surrounded by care and love. But it happens that tense relationships arise between the parents themselves, and this situation will be reflected in the child’s future life. The family atmosphere can have an impact on personal development (psychological problems, internal contradictions, complexes, fears), on the formation of his relationships in society (gravitation towards loneliness in order to avoid relationship problems). It can be argued that an unhealthy family atmosphere and difficult relationships between parents and children will be reflected in the future life of the child. It is a mistake to think that a child does not perceive the relationships of adults, that he is unable to understand most of the problems of adult life. As a rule, a child is more susceptible not to situations, conflicts, objects, circumstances, but to the emotional background that accompanies this or that situation in his life. It should be understood that a child is a kind of imitator; he adopts the basics of his character, behavior, and attitude towards people from his parents, moreover, beginning to comprehend the basics of relationships from infancy (tone of voice in conversation with certain family members, clear patterns of behavior in certain situations ). As a result, by adulthood, when the child exhibits his first personality traits, parents are faced with nothing more than the manifestation of their own character traits, manners and styles of behavior.

The relationship between parents and children is largely determined by external factors, which include material well-being, living conditions, and the social status of the family. The internal factors that determine the relationship between parents and children include the culture and upbringing of parents, spirituality and morality, awareness of the spiritual value of family, marriage, and relationships between loved ones. The relationship between parents and children is largely determined by the family’s lifestyle, well-being and prosperity, a sense of calm and confidence, security of each family member, his desire to support and develop the family. Modern mothers and fathers try to give their child something that will make him wealthy, protected, and give him an advantage over others. And they care very little about the child’s inner world. Conversations with children about their time at home showed that children are left to their own devices. Of course, parents watch them from the side, but children are alone in their actions. Most often, the child is given a tablet, coloring books, and many toys. But this quickly gets boring, and children try in every way to attract attention, since they need communication with their parents. Parents do not always strive to understand the motives of the child’s actions or support his interests and abilities. Having analyzed our observations of the relationship between parents and children, we came to the conclusion that parents do not have knowledge of the theoretical foundations of instilling independence in a child, do not know effective methods of instilling independence in a child in the family, do not attach importance to creating a favorable environment for the child to demonstrate independence, and do not pay attention to attention to the child’s emergence of emotional anticipation of the results of activities. Parents do not know how to build relationships with the child, often evaluate the child’s activities inadequately, do not support his self-esteem, have difficulty determining the child’s emotional state, often choose inappropriate ways of communicating with him, and do not know how to establish a partnership with the child. Having determined the degree of difficulty in the relationship between parents and children, we decided to help parents in properly building relationships with their children. Master classes were held for joint leisure of parents and children. Parents really liked the instructions on how to conduct partner and outdoor games. With the help of a psychologist, we held a series of lectures and conversations about the need to change relationships with children.

Parents were made aware that children have their own views on life, that they say something that is often incomprehensible. This all needs to be assessed and taken seriously. If a child says something stupid, then there is no need to laugh or swear. On the contrary, you need to think about it and, if necessary, try to direct it in the right direction. You cannot laugh at a child or not listen to him. When a child sees that they are listening to him and trying to understand him, he begins to open up because he sees that he is accepted for who he is. Such a relationship between parents and children is the beginning of proper upbringing. If parents treat a child this way, then he begins to feel protected, and in difficult times he will turn to his parents. This behavior of parents is the beginning of respect for children. When a child sees that his parents fully understand him, he will not be afraid to come up and ask a question. At such a moment, parents need to put aside all their affairs and answer the question posed. If parents listen to the child and answer questions, then they have the opportunity to become an elder or mentor for the child, whom they can always turn to and listen to wise advice. It is necessary to share your life experience and accumulated knowledge to make it easier for your child to cope with problems. You should not tell your child exactly what to do in various situations; it is enough to simply be interested in and take part in the child’s life so that he learns to overcome difficulties on his own and gains his own life experience. It is recommended to hug your beloved child more often. In an embrace he feels love and protection. Children of this age need tactile contact.

Research by child psychologists shows that children need at least eight hugs per day. The child needs to be praised. The more often the better. Flattery and fanaticism in this matter will be unnecessary - the child will immediately sense false notes. In the theory of raising and teaching children of this age category, it is believed that praise increases self-esteem and also motivates children to do good deeds and self-improvement. Preschoolers should grow up to be optimists. Children need to be taught to perceive the world around them positively, since the world treats positive people favorably. Any situation, even an unpleasant one, should become a lesson and provide life experience. Adults need to be interested in the child’s life, ask him about life outside the home, about relationships with peers. A child must learn to trust his parents from a very early age. A positive aspect of such communication is teaching the child conversational speech and the ability to conduct a dialogue. You need to talk a lot with children. Any education begins with words. He must learn to hear an adult and be able to express his problems. Children should be instilled with a sense of responsibility. Due to his age, he does not always understand what it means to be responsible for his actions, for the assigned work. Teach him this in the family. How to teach? Only by your own example. Let the baby be responsible for cleaning his things, let him learn how to care for pets. Growing up, he will know that in life any person has to be responsible for something for other people, for his own affairs and actions.

It is necessary to develop a child’s desire to learn new things, to satisfy and encourage his desire for knowledge. Let your child play various useful developmental games, look at encyclopedias, read interesting books to him, stimulate his desire to learn new things. “A real understanding of social experience is possible only if the child is included in problem situations, where he himself acts as a subject, sees the issues and problems that other people have worked on and his contemporaries are working on, and he himself is included in the solution process, in the general flow of creative searches and efforts . Without such a child’s independent involvement in creativity, there can be no true understanding or adequate assimilation of any fragments of human culture, as created and reproduced continuously by the process of objective activity of people,” N.P. Batishcheva comes to this conclusion. (1905).

The most important thing is to love your child, no matter what he is. Love him capricious and moping. Do not provoke or blackmail your baby with love. As a result, children begin to develop complexes and fear of losing their mother’s love. We are all responsible for the children we raise through our own actions, our own views on the world. And it is a great happiness for a child to go through life with a kind and wise person, be it a mother, father or a good teacher, who will help the child be what he is destined to become from the moment of birth. After all, every child has the right to be happy today, tomorrow, and not in the distant future. And the task of teachers of the social pedagogical department is to assist parents in creating trusting relationships and mutual understanding in the family.

Literature:

https://detstrana.ru/article/deti-3–7/vospitanie/vzaimootnosheniya-mezhdu-roditelyami-i-detmi/

2. Minina A. V. Structure and content of parents’ pedagogical competence in instilling independence in preschool children / Education. The science. Innovation: Southern Dimension. Rostov-on-Don: IPO SFU. 2013. No. 2 (28). pp. 93–98.

3. Sergeiyurev.com - a blog about self-development, spiritual psychology and creativity.

Key terms
(automatically generated)
: child, parent, parental relationship, attitude, parental attitude, family, life experience, child's life, children's interest, family member.

Signs of an abnormal relationship with parents

So, the parents raised the child to become an adult. And now they do not miss the opportunity to remind him of the invested forces and resources, periodically hinting that the debt is worth the payment. They may be sincerely convinced that the relationship between parents and children is a kind of transaction in which they have fulfilled their part (fed, clothed and shoed, spent time on care and training) and expect a worthy payment for this in the form of unquestioning obedience or material support. And the child can really begin to believe in the justice of such judgments and feel guilty for not meeting such expectations.

A prolonged stay in this state can affect both the child’s self-esteem and his mental state as a whole, and not for the better.

A respectful, respectful attitude towards parents, caring for them are natural, “healthy” aspirations. But infringing on the interests of mature children in order to satisfy the selfish impulses of their parents will not benefit anyone. Different ideas about the relationship between parents and children lead to the fact that they feel uncomfortable in each other’s company and communication comes to naught.

Parents want your attention all the time.

Calls for any reason or without it, unsolicited advice, imposition of one’s opinion, “lisping” as with a child, excessive curiosity about the personal life of an older child - all this can significantly worsen the relationship between parents and adult children.

Indeed, it can be difficult to understand why a mother needs to know whether her forty-year-old son put on a warm hat or how much money he spent on lunch in a cafe. Sometimes it’s just an innocent concern, but sometimes it goes beyond all boundaries of a person’s personal space. Any objection is perceived with hostility by the parent, and even leads to resentment, illness and other manipulations that make the child feel guilty.

Read our article “How to let go of the past: 7 simple steps to a new life.”

They devalue you.

This problem of relationships between parents and adult children occurs quite often. Any things that are valuable to you - hobbies, work, attachments - are criticized, achievements are taken for granted.

The phrase “son of my mother’s friend” has already become a household name. This is a mythical character, compared to whom you will always lose. He earns better, his wife is more beautiful, and he bought that car. Not like you. This “son” can also be the parent himself: then expressions like “but here I am at your age... are not like you now.” And the child begins to think, and may even believe that he is a loser.

Parents take a dependent position.

At some point, parent and child seem to change places. But if your child really needed basic help with everything while growing up, then when a father uses his adult child as free labor on any, even the smallest, issues, this is, to say the least, dishonest. Of course, a well-mannered child will not refuse help from mom and dad, but he is not obliged to do a lot of their work at the expense of his life.

They use the information they give you against you.

If the relationship between parents and adult children is built on trust, then they are probably very lucky. However, sometimes the information obtained in a burst of revelation by a child can be used by the parent later. This often happens at moments when the son or daughter is most vulnerable - during a quarrel, for example.

They interfere with personal life.

Parents can go to extremes when it comes to their child's personal life. They may not accept any of your chosen ones for the most seemingly stupid reasons: “he has a bad smile” or “I don’t like blondes.” And it’s not about your smile or hair color; often your father and mother simply don’t want to share you with anyone in this world.

At the other extreme, there is endless matchmaking. Sometimes you even get an unpleasant feeling, as if they are ready to send you down the aisle with the first person you meet, just to make it faster. Prepositions: “I want to see my grandchildren as soon as possible” or “Now I’m going to die, and who will take care of you?”

How does your relationship with your parents affect your life and results?! | Peter Osipov. Business youth

What should be the punishment?

This is one of the most controversial issues in building relationships between parents and children. On the one hand, most parents have already realized that neither physical nor psychological violence helps either proper upbringing or harmonious relationships; on the contrary, they hinder this in every possible way. Therefore, under no circumstances should children be hit on the bottom, slapped on the head, or come up with other similar punishments. Meanwhile, the vast majority of modern mothers and fathers were raised using such methods. They do not know how to achieve obedience in any other way and continue to repeat the usual patterns. Instead, you need to carefully analyze your behavior and think about whether your son or daughter was really to blame.

In principle, there should be punishment. Only it cannot manifest itself in the form of violence or humiliation. But in the form of a ban - please. There is no need to put the child in a corner. Is your baby restless? It is necessary to sit him on a chair and forbid him to get up from it for at least ten minutes. And at the same time, do not give toys during this time.

Finally, there is one more important point. Punishment should not be public. Even if the baby has done a lot of wrong, the showdown can be postponed until later. And the remark itself, made publicly, should be as neutral as possible, so as not to humiliate the child. This applies not only to its essence, but also to the tone in which it was pronounced. There shouldn't be any shouting - it won't do any good.

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How to improve relationships

The process of building trust is not always easy. And you need to start with yourself

It is important to be able to admit your mistakes, apologize to your child, and overcome your own negative emotional impulses without taking them out on your children.

Important Steps

You cannot throw out your own negative emotions on others. Learn to verbalize what you feel, finding out the cause of these emotions. Aggression is transmitted to the child, he takes the example of an unbalanced parent. You can't force a child to do something he doesn't want to do.

It is important to encourage his talents and aspirations, even if you don’t like them. Praise small and large achievements

Support in failures, do not use humor at such moments, so that the child does not think that his problems are unimportant to you, and you are just laughing at them. Don't be shy about expressing your feelings. It is important to tell your baby that you love him, hug him more often - tactile contact is very important for a young child. Children who are disliked grow up unbalanced, aggressive, and unable to cope with their emotions. There is no need to let your child in on your problems. The anxious state of mom or dad is sure to be passed on to him. But if an adult thus looks for a way to solve a problem, then for a child it happens differently. He feels guilty that he cannot help. Learn to solve your problems yourself, without involving children. Otherwise, it will negatively affect the formation of their personality. Learn to explain rules and requirements clearly. It is important to give instructions from an early age about what is and is not possible. And if not, then why. There is less need to prohibit than to allow. Education must be consistent. Don't threaten punishment. If you are guilty, punish them. There must be consistency in words and actions. Give your son or daughter the opportunity to have personal space and the right to choose. Allow them to choose their own club or sports section, wallpaper for their room and clothes. You cannot offend other people in front of children. Also, such behavior should not be allowed among them. If a child tries to offend someone or speaks badly about him, you cannot justify such behavior by saying that he is still small. There must be rigor and explanation in this. Teach your child to express his emotions by example. For example, if he is angry and tries to shout out hurtful words, say: “I understand that you are angry, offended, angry. This will pass. I would be offended too." Learn to express joy in the same way. Raise your children yourself. Don't leave it to your grandmothers. Firstly, you shift the responsibility from your shoulders, secondly, grandmothers may have a different view on the way of upbringing and thirdly, think about the grandmothers themselves! They have already raised you, give them the opportunity to enjoy their age, do not plunge them into the burdens of parenthood again.

A child should feel loved, needed and important in the family. And this should not be manifested only by material benefits.

Love your children, pay great attention to issues of education. This way they will grow up to be full-fledged individuals, in harmony with themselves and others.

Concept of family and family relationships

A family is a social group that influences a person’s psychological state for the rest of his life. These are some of the most important values in life. In a family, subjects (parents) and objects (children) have certain properties and interact most of the time. Such relationships determine the physiological, psychological, and moral state of the student.

It is considered normal that a married couple, preparing to become parents, wants to give the baby all the best. The father and mother must realize that they will be responsible for the children, but repeat the behavior patterns accepted in their families. Interpersonal relationships between parents are the principles of communication that exist in children's families.

Psychological climate is the most important function of the family.

The psychology of relationships between parents and children includes:

Mutual trust is complete peace of mind when children and parents do not doubt each other. Lack of trust becomes the main reason for the loneliness of a person entering adulthood. Perhaps the roots of the problem lie in family relationships. Sympathy, support. These qualities allow the child to feel calm in the company of his parents. Emotional well-being requires physical contact, primarily stroking, kissing, hugging. Rational performance assessment

The attention parents pay to their child’s activities should include approval, guidance, and sympathy. Success—personal and professional—comes from joint efforts. Adequate requirements

The child must be clearly aware of his responsibilities and fulfill them. In families where there is no division of responsibility, children experience discomfort and are torn between the desire to please their parents and a lack of understanding of their place in the family hierarchy.

The need to evaluate activity often implies the child’s desire to feel parental understanding, support, and attention. Lack of response entails low self-esteem, uncertainty, the child tries to find understanding outside of family relationships, often in dangerous ways

The influence of the family on the child's personality

When a child’s personality is being formed, it is influenced not only by the parents’ attitude towards him, but also by how they behave with each other.
For example, if during upbringing a mother and father devote equal amounts of attention and time to their child, but they have strained relationships with each other, then this will undoubtedly manifest itself in the child’s future life. We can distinguish two planes in which the family atmosphere influences the child:

Personality formation. This includes psychological problems, emerging complexes, internal contradictions and fears.
Formation of relations in society. This may include a craving for loneliness, the main reason for which is the desire to avoid problems in a relationship with someone.

This kind of influence can manifest itself both in preschool/school age and in adulthood, when there is already a question about starting your own family or refusing to do so. You can never accurately predict the time of occurrence of such an effect, the cause of which is the unhealthy atmosphere in the family in which the little person grew up and was raised. But we can say with complete confidence that this kind of atmosphere and problematic relationships between parents and children will affect the life of the child.

Under no circumstances should one think that for a child, relationships between adults are incomprehensible and unimportant. Perhaps the child will not understand the problem itself, the subject of the dispute or the circumstances, but he will definitely perceive the emotional background that this or that situation contributes to the creation.

Read more: Sending your child to a country camp

For yourself, you should note the child’s ability to adopt character traits from his parents, attitude towards people and situations, behavior patterns and even tone of voice. This is such a little imitator who focuses on the people closest to him - his parents. As a result, at a conscious age he acquires those character traits, manners and styles of behavior that are inherent in his parents.

The influence of external factors on the atmosphere of relations between parents and children is very significant. These include the financial situation of the family, living conditions and position in society. At the same time, there are internal factors that also contribute to relationships. These can be considered culture, parental upbringing, the presence of spirituality and morality, relationships between family members. The relationship between parents and children depends on the lifestyle that the family leads, well-being and prosperity, confidence and security of each of its members, support and development.

Mutual understanding between generations is also one of the essential factors; it should strive to be loyal and tolerant of the needs of its neighbor. Among the main mistakes that adults make is the tendency to transfer the grievances and conflicts they experienced in their childhood into the field of newly formed family relationships. It cannot be stated unequivocally that the applied experience of previous relationships and generations is contraindicated in new conditions. However, in most cases, psychologists observe a sad picture: people unconsciously copy the behavior model of their parents and repeat their mistakes. All this affects the freedom of all participants in these relations, their interests are infringed, and an initially distorted understanding and incorrect attitude regarding the institution of family is formed in the child.

Parenting styles

Each type of parent has a different approach to parenting. Which styles are used more often than others?

Authoritarian. One of the parents in the family is the authority. Everyone listens to him. Most often, this style of education is characteristic of the military. A man who is used to commanding at work will continue to do so at home. Children must walk to the line, study with straight A's and fulfill all the demands of their parents. A child will be great when he obeys without complaint and doesn’t ask again. The opinions of children and even teenagers are not taken into account. Parents are simply not interested in it.
Authoritative. This is a classic parenting style. Parents are idols and role models for their children. Dad is an intellectual and works at a prestigious job. Mom also works, but not to replenish the family budget, but more for pleasure. Children do all the housework, but can always do it at a time convenient for them. Parents do not forbid their kids to go for walks if they come home on time, have time to do their homework and say where they went. Adults support the child’s aspirations and help in their implementation.
Liberal. This parenting style means that parents and children will be friends. Adults do not pretend to be authorities; they communicate with children on an equal basis. This style of parenting involves complete frankness, which helps parents solve children's problems as soon as they arise.

Relationship theory

It’s worth starting with the fact that humanity has not yet created such a psychological theory, using which parents and children could build impeccable relationships. This is impossible, at a minimum, due to the individual characteristics of each participant in the system, their characters, all sorts of influencing circumstances and factors that affect both adults and children. The psychology of relationships with children is influenced by many factors, some of which remain invisible until the very end.

Using any pre-prepared model, it is impossible to create an ideal relationship. The psychology of communicating with children has not yet reached this level, but this does not mean that nothing can be done to improve these relationships. Parents and children are able to avoid making some mistakes by turning to the theoretical foundations of the relationship between the adult-child system.

The way the parental instinct manifests itself in a person with a behavioral, emotional and social character is parenthood. This fully conscious part of every person originates from the unconscious instinct of reproduction. It also relies on the norms of society, which assert that the family is the basic unit of society, which is characterized by the union of a man and a woman, living together, and the desire to give birth, raise and socialize children.

It should be remembered that the main environment in which children will live, develop and form as individuals is the family.

After all, it is in the family environment that the basic models of social relationships are comprehended, which begins in early childhood. Childhood can legitimately be considered the main period of human development; it is then that he learns about the world, masters new mechanisms of cognition and relationships between people. Psychologists have repeatedly expressed the opinion that the formation of basic skills, abilities and character traits occurs in childhood and develops throughout life.

Read more: Moms and dads: different views on parenting

The importance of the family institution should not be underestimated, because in childhood the child will be in a kind of isolation from society. Parents have a huge responsibility, since they are the main source for children through which they will understand human relationships.

Network of relationships

If we imagine a family that is created by people who were once married and their children, then such a family in its structure will resemble a molecule, where the central place is occupied by the child (children), who is connected by invisible threads with other family members:

with the parent with whom he stayed;
with an ex-husband/wife who at the same time does not cease to be a parent for the child;
with stepfather/stepmother.

At the same time, adults form their own connections and relationships:

stepfather/stepmother and wife/husband (new family);
ex-husband and wife among themselves;
ex-husband and stepfather/stepmother.

Sometimes, if adults do not have enough resources to leave the relationship painlessly, these connections can poison the new emerging family and negatively affect the child. Below are the moments of toxic interaction in these ligaments and the consequences for the child.

Parent + “new parent”

Bringing together partners to influence children without taking into account the interests of children. →

The child’s feelings: he is superfluous, now unwanted, his biological parent becomes a changeling - not the same as he was before, changes his views. The feeling that the familiar and comfortable world is collapsing like a house of cards.

Parent + “former parent”

Using a child to further one’s own ambitions, an attempt to win them over to one’s side, the desire to “outdo the nose” of one’s ex, blackmail. →

Child: he is presented with a choice that he is unable to make. This can lead to neuroses and loss of will. Nurturing negative feelings in a child. Severing it from its roots.

"Former parent" + "new parent"

Competition, jealousy. Using a child to obtain information; a child is a battlefield. →

The child feels useless, the lack of value of his personality, used.