For as long as society has existed, adults have been racking their brains for so many years about what the proper upbringing of children should be like. Each individual era and civilization has its own view of this problem. In Ancient Persia, for example, a child who was already 7 years old and who dared to disobey three times was executed. In Sparta, both boys and girls wore rod marks with pride. In Sweden, children as young as 5 years old are fully informed about the differences and relationships between the sexes.
Therefore, for many millennia, the great minds of pedagogy and psychology tried to formulate a concept of education that would be uniform for all times and peoples. To date, this task remains unfulfilled. So what should parents do, what ideas and principles should they follow?
Definitions
Pedagogy and psychology of child upbringing are represented by the most numerous systems and schools. And each of them formulates its own definition of this process, depending on what ideas they put into it.
The definition most often used is that of the Russian-Soviet scientist and physiologist Ivan Petrovich Pavlov. It corresponds to the historical and philosophical approach in pedagogy and psychology and is politically neutral compared to many others. In his opinion, raising a child is the purposeful and time-extended formation of socially necessary relationships to a whole range of formations and substances of the surrounding world: nature, country, people and oneself.
There is no politicization in the term of the world famous educator, teacher and writer Anton Semyonovich Makarenko. His definition of education is one of the simplest. In his opinion, this is the creation of sustainable habits of behavior. Moreover, the scientist-practitioner paid special attention to the fact that learning is a completely different, separate process, the essence of which is different.
Soviet psychologist L. S. Vygotsky, on the contrary, believed that in many situations teaching and upbringing are not only closely intertwined, but also replace each other.
For Western psychological and pedagogical concepts, growing up is not progress, but regression, because the child joins the vicious world of drugs, violence, social inequality and evil. An adult is initially perceived as a sinner who does not have the right to raise pure and innocent little “angels”. He can only teach. This, in fact, is what teachers do in numerous clubs, sections, studios and, of course, schools.
There are so many concepts and so many points of view on what proper upbringing is. This concept has changed over thousands of years and largely depends on society, culture, country, and politics. And yet, psychologists and teachers highlight some common points.
Educational systems
Today, the most common and popular are 4 educational systems (schools, methods):
- Makarenko - the idea of raising a child as an independent member of society with a point of view;
- Sukhomlinsky - a humane pedagogical system, within which there are no punishments;
- Waldorf - subordination of the education system not to the demands of society, but to the laws of children's physical and mental development in accordance with age periodization;
- Montessori is an individual approach to education, allowing each little person to develop at his own pace, through personal experience in an environment specially prepared for this.
Parents have the right to choose one of these traditional systems or find some innovative one. They can take something useful from each and combine them. Despite the different approaches to education, many principles within these concepts have something in common:
What principles of education to borrow from this or that system is up to parents to decide.
Raising a newborn. Where to begin?
There are several rules that must be followed in order to lay the foundations for the proper upbringing of a child.
- Have a positive attitude towards your new life role . Now you are parents. And only when you fulfill your parental responsibilities with pleasure, a joyful atmosphere of warmth and tranquility will reign in your family, which is very important for the formation of a healthy psyche of the baby.
- Learn to understand what the child needs . It will be difficult at the very beginning. The baby cannot talk, and his crying does not yet have the shades that the mother will be able to distinguish after some time. It is important to respond to a child’s crying, because this is his way of showing that he needs something. Over time, you will learn to quickly determine what exactly he wants.
- Create a strong bond with your baby . This is perhaps the most important rule. The baby's connection with his mother begins to form from the first minutes of his life, when he receives the first drops of valuable colostrum from the mother's breast. And in order for the child to develop, grow healthy and feel comfortable, it is necessary to maintain this connection.
Forms
To raise a child to be a full-fledged and successful person, he needs to be developed in many ways. If, for example, we place the main emphasis on occupational therapy, then moral, mental, patriotic and many other aspects will be left aside. Therefore, initially, various forms of education need to be included in classes from an early age.
Kindergarten teachers and school teachers try to use different forms of education to develop a multifaceted personality. However, each of them should be given equal attention by parents at home.
Methods
Educational methods are those methods by which the purposeful influence of an adult (parent, educator, teacher, relative, psychologist) is carried out on the consciousness and behavior of children.
The choice of parenting methods largely depends on age. For example, to organize the activities of preschoolers, it is more advisable to use illustrations, and for older ones - instructions.
Styles
Much depends on the parenting style adopted in the family.
Authoritarian style (autocratic, dominant, dictatorial)
A characteristic feature is the strictest discipline and the unquestionable authority of parents, with whom one cannot argue. They place too high demands on their children and begin to prepare them for adulthood early. In such families, adherence to clear, unquestionable traditions is valued above all else. Yes, you can raise an obedient child in this style, but at the same time he will grow up lacking initiative, depressed and passive-aggressive, and in adolescence he will easily succumb to the influence of others, since he will not have his own opinion.
Liberal (permissive, indulgent, hypoprotective)
Education takes place in a friendly, warm atmosphere. Too trusting relationships are established between adults and young family members when there are no prohibitions and restrictions. This is fraught with the absence of boundaries and established rules that cannot be violated. Children begin to feel that they can communicate in this style with any adult. Outside the home, they will try to control and manipulate others. This interferes with the formation of positive self-esteem and social development.
Democratic (authoritative, collaborative style)
The main thing in a democratic educational system is care, emotional support, attention, consistency, fairness, and sincerity on the part of parents. In such families, adults and children spend a lot of time together, but at the same time everyone has their own personal space, which is respected by others. Everyone has certain rights, but they are necessarily subject to general rules. If you want to raise a successful child, this is the best option. He will grow up obedient, but not dependent on other people's opinions, as happens with an authoritarian style.
Chaotic (inconsistent)
Today, parents strictly punish for the most minor offense and do not allow children to go out later than 9 pm. Tomorrow, carried away by their problems, they forget all their demands, let go of the reins and are not at all interested, even after 22.00, whether the children are at home. Or another example of a similar parenting style: dad doesn’t allow you to eat chips, and mom brings a huge pack from the store. As a result of the absence of a unified system, one of the basic needs of the individual for clear boundaries and stability is leveled out. Over time, this leads to social maladjustment.
Caregiver (child-centered, hypercustody)
Excessive guardianship and suppression of any attempts at independence and freedom on the part of parents lead to the formation of social and personal immaturity. The consequences are laziness, passivity, infantilism, uncertainty, and fear of mistakes. Tight control forces the child to cheat and lie.
These styles of family education clearly demonstrate how large the role of parents is in this process. They must self-reflect, see their mistakes and correct them in a timely manner in order to prevent distortions in the development of the child’s personality.
Features of the child's psyche
Childhood is the time when a child begins to explore the world. The main traits of a future character are formed before the age of 3–6 years. In childhood, a child does not understand many things, but he completely trusts his parents, they are the main authority for him. Children are easy to deceive because they have not yet learned to distinguish truth from fiction. The little man thinks illogically, he is captive of his fantasies and erroneous ideas about the world around him.
Outwardly, young children are helpless and vulnerable, although in fact they have a healthy psyche and know how to get their way from adults. The main thing for a child is to provide for his needs and interests at the expense of his parents. From the first days of life, the baby uses his emotions to get what he wants from adults. These little manipulators consciously control their parents in their own interests. A child’s negative reactions should not be perceived as a sign of dissatisfaction or a cause for concern. Most likely, this is a method he invented to achieve a goal, playing with the feelings of adults, or a manifestation of revenge.
With age, children begin to interact with each other - play, communicate, make friends. During school years, conflicts often arise between them. During this period, children develop their character and develop their personality.
In the process of growing up, a child absorbs all the cultural and historical experience of previous generations, social values become his personal. Thanks to the knowledge gained, children's individual abilities develop. During the period of growing up, a child masters those concepts that are accepted in the environment of his existence. He is introduced to friendship, respect, love, patriotism. Through socialization, boys learn to be men, and girls learn to be women and mothers.
For most parents, child psychology is a dense forest; it’s easy to get lost in it and go the wrong way. And in order to avoid mistakes that can negatively affect the psyche of a little person, adults are recommended to read books on child psychology or consult a psychologist, for example Nikita Valerievich Baturin.
Age characteristics
Education must be age-appropriate, take into account mental developments and crises, and the difficulties of each period. And it’s better to start from birth. Psychologists give parents advice on what to focus on depending on how old the child is:
- up to a year - surround with warmth, attention and care, do not spank or scream;
- at 1 year - introduce them to the outside world, teach how to contact family;
- at 2 years old - expand knowledge about the world around you, develop communication skills and motor skills;
- at 3-4 years old - satisfy the need for active motor activity and curiosity, instill communication skills, and form individual contact;
- at 5-6 years old - introduce generally accepted norms of communication with peers and adults.
It is the family education of preschool children that plays a key role in the formation of a small personality. Therefore, parents should spend as much time as possible with them. It will be too late to correct mistakes later.
Starting from 1st grade and up to adolescence, this is a time of active moral education, in which both teachers and parents should take part, demonstrating the moral foundations by their own example. Children comprehend the interrelations of society, the laws of development of nature, the essence of the relationship between a man and a woman. An important task at this stage is to help them reveal their creative potential and teach them to live in society.
With the onset of the teenage crisis, a number of problems arise in education. Even the most obedient children, under the influence of hormones, escape parental control. The important aspects here are tolerance, goodwill and rebuilding trust. Emotional support, a kind word, advice - at this age all this is important for them. Talk more often about the meaning of life and self-determination, so that by the time you leave school you won’t have problems choosing a profession.
Which method is better
How to raise a child correctly? Many authors suggest early education of children under one year old. The classics of the genre are: the Nikitin family, Maria Montessori, Glen Doman, Cecile Lupan. Raising a 5-year-old child in most methods involves the maximum development of the child’s intelligence, physical capabilities and creative potential.
Some methods contradict each other. Thus, Waldorf pedagogy does not accept the intellectual development of young children in any form. Most other methods consider raising a child under one year of age in inextricable connection with intellectual learning. The founder of Waldorf pedagogy is Rudolf Steiner, who is also the creator of the religious and mystical teaching - anthroposophy.
The Orthodox Church condemns Steiner's anthroposophy for its connection with the occult. Steiner's pedagogical methodology is inextricably linked with anthroposophy, based on its principles. Despite the apparent attractiveness of the Waldorf method, which provides for the absence of grades at school and freedom of self-realization, it is not particularly popular in Russia.
When choosing which teaching method is better, you need to pay attention to three main points:
- what is the basis for raising children, the fundamental philosophy of the method and the history of its origin;
- what results were obtained by other people who used this method to raise a child from birth;
- Are the rules laid down in a particular method suitable for you and your baby personally?
Sunday schools for children located at churches have become undeservedly forgotten. Raising children from one year old in families of people who sincerely believe in God is a unique phenomenon. Respect for parents is God's commandment. This is the only commandment with a promise.
For its fulfillment, God promises longevity. To help children fulfill this commandment, parents, for their part, do not irritate their children. Violence and rudeness are unacceptable. By the atmosphere of love, mutual understanding and order in the family of Christians, one can judge the sincerity of their faith.
General recommendations for parents
Despite the fact that at different times in different countries and civilizations there were specific approaches to how to raise children, there are several general postulates that everyone who takes part in the development of a child’s personality should constantly remember.
If you want to foster independence in your child, give him at least a little freedom. At 3 years old, let him try to tie his shoelaces and put on a hat, and at 15, let him cook a family dinner or get a job in the summer to earn money for his phone. Overprotection and excessive total control in this matter are fraught with the formation of a dependent person who is not adapted to life.
If you want to raise him to be self-confident, remind him more often of how self-sufficient he is. Emphasize your merits, praise for the slightest achievements. But at the same time, from childhood, learn to correctly perceive criticism addressed to you. This will allow you to avoid internal complexes and help you achieve your goals. At the same time, do not forget to work on yourself. If a mother constantly talks out loud about how fat she is and how bad everything is for her, you shouldn’t expect self-confidence and success from your children.
If you want to raise a leader, instill organizational skills from early childhood:
- learn to formulate your own opinion about a cartoon you watched, a book you read, or an action you did;
- teach public speaking;
- entrust household chores;
- make him responsible for a specific event;
- help him find a passion, a hobby through which he can reveal his creative potential;
- ensure meaningful communication with peers;
- discuss and analyze each failure.
If you want to develop leadership qualities in your child, start from early childhood, otherwise it will be too late.
The art of being a parent or the psychology of raising children
Any person who decides to become a parent takes on the most important responsibility in this life - the responsibility to raise a child from infancy until he himself becomes an adult, responsible for his own children.
It has been so since the dawn of mankind - and so it will be until its decline. The instincts inherent in nature are strong, but not omnipotent. Sometimes, in order to avoid mistakes in raising a child, it is necessary to strictly monitor not only his physical development, but also his mental one.
This is what a branch of psychology deals with: developmental psychology, which includes three subfields: pre- and perinatal psychology, childhood psychology, individual adult psychology and gerontopsychology. This article will look at the first sub-sector and more extensively at the second.
Psychology of education
The psyche is an extremely subtle and delicate product of the development of human consciousness and all those processes that take place in it. The child’s psyche, which is just beginning to form, is especially It is important to direct its development along the right path and try to protect it from unwanted external influences.
Undoubtedly, the very concept of education presupposes “both carrot and stick.” Essential in this case is the problem of placing emphasis on these methods and finding their optimal proportions relative to each other.
What influences?
A particularly strong influence on the child’s psyche occurs in the period from 3 to 5 years. Consciousness is most susceptible to outside interference.
On the one hand, this shapes the future character of a person and his characteristics as an individual, on the other hand, it can cause irreparable harm to mental health. Below are the main factors influencing the mental development of a child.
- The trauma of injustice. Identifying your “I” with life, what is happening around you, is the most important part of growing up. The child begins to realize that everything in this world is unequal and unequal, people are radically different from each other, while he himself cannot yet fully understand himself, therefore, give himself any objective characteristics.
Everything around you begins to seem less joyful, ideal and positive, as the kid used to think. At this moment, the child simply needs maternal love and care. The fact that he walks, eats, sleeps and plays on his own does not mean that he needs to spend less time.Children must understand that in this complex and confusing world they are not alone, that there is a person they can trust and who they can ask for advice. Parents must instill confidence in their child. It is important to prevent that stage of injustice trauma when the child begins to show jealousy, saying, “why does mom and dad love that boy more” and “why is everything good for them, but everything is bad for me.”
You should not make your baby feel undeservedly deprived of love and care. After all, the consequences of such trauma are reflected directly in adult life and the formation of a correct, adequate view of the world.
- Parental influence. The baby spends most of his childhood directly next to his parents. During this period of life, they are the main mentors and teachers of the child. Their society is considered a priority. For children from 3 to 5 (and even more) years old, parents are an indisputable authority. The home environment predetermines the principles and concepts about the norms of family life that the child will develop in the future. Many people remember from childhood the game of hide and seek and the famous phrase “I’m in the house.”
The home should be a cozy haven that allows the baby to feel safe. The relationship between parents affects how successfully the child, having matured, will be able to arrange his own personal life. After all, it is known that a couple is selected based on its similarity to the parent. Girls choose men who are similar to their father, boys, when choosing a woman, are guided by their mother.During the formation of the child’s character, parents should become for him a model of decency and reliability, instill in him those positive qualities that are tacitly established in society. The showdown should be left for the moment when the child cannot hear them.
- The influence of the “street” (peers and strangers). It often happens that a child acquires everything bad and harmful precisely in communication with peers and other strangers. For example, in kindergarten. This factor depends little on the parents, but it remains in their power to correct the child’s views adopted from others. At this stage, it is important to explain to the child what “good” is and what “bad” is, what “truth” and “falsehood” are, dot the i’s and, if necessary, stop his communication with dubious persons.
Parents must teach their child to be careful and that not everyone can be trusted, and that one cannot blindly follow the demands of other people. In this way, over time, the child will develop the ability to express his own opinion, and this is a huge step towards the development of his personality.
How to parent correctly or 20 rules to follow
- If you forbid something to your child, you must clearly justify the reason and your position on this matter. The child must understand why he was punished. The punishment should be moderately severe.
- The baby should feel free and have a choice. So, if you have forbidden him something, you should find an alternative to the prohibited item or action, or get him interested in something else.
- By forbidding your child everything, you yourself arouse in him the desire to rebel and be capricious. The baby should not feel limited in his abilities.
- You need to punish your baby with even more love than with praise and encouragement (as compensation for the negative energy transmitted to him).
- Never use brute force when punishing. This is not pedagogical and undermines the child’s nervous system.
- You should explain to your child that losing at something is not a reason to be upset and lose motivation to achieve a goal. This is just a sign to try harder!
- There is no need to teach a child to be afraid of danger, you need to teach him to cope with them.
- It is necessary to teach the child to adequately perceive refusal as a form of response to a request or demand expressed by him.
- Teach your child all the most useful things while playing, because playing promotes faster and more complete memorization of information.
- It is necessary to make the child understand that for his parents he is and will forever remain the best, kindest and most wonderful creature on the whole Earth.
- Any achievement, even the most insignificant, is worthy of praise.
- You should not compare your child with someone else. It is better to compare him with him in the past, so he will be more aware of all that he managed to achieve, and he will not develop an inferiority complex.
- Mistakes are an integral part of life. Recognize your child's right to them and teach them to deal with them.
- Don't be indifferent! Pay attention to everything your baby does and says so that he doesn’t feel abandoned and alone.
- Maintain contact with your baby, no matter the circumstances.
- The best upbringing is to become a worthy example for your child.
- Let your child feel part of your life.
- Try to give your child a sensible explanation of everything that is happening to him.
- Cultivate in your child the ability to think positively, regardless of circumstances.
- Respect your baby and let him understand that first of all he is an individual.
Up to one year
From birth to one year, the psyche is poorly developed and almost does not manifest itself. But this does not mean that you do not need to monitor her. On the contrary, it is at this time that the most basic, unconscious attitudes for the entire coming life are laid.
Baby crying
During the process of weaning the baby from the breast or from being constantly held, the baby will often and loudly cry, demanding that the parent do what he is used to.
In this case , you just have to endure his antics, and over time he will learn that they do not bring any practical results. This kind of approach is called traditional.
The exact opposite approach, child-centric, denies the idea that crying is useful and necessary. Proponents of this approach believe that if physical problems are not found, we need to look for psychological ones.
Child center specialists advise increasing the child’s contact with the mother and prolonging breastfeeding as needed. When choosing between these two approaches, you should focus on your own ideas about the most optimal upbringing of a child.
Independence
Traditional psychology and its followers provide for the development of independence in a child from early childhood. A separate room with a crib, breastfeeding on a schedule, a pacifier necessary to satisfy the sucking reflex, walks in a stroller.
Traditionalists believe that all this taken together prevents the child from developing infantilism and the inability to adapt in a group. Child-centered people believe that contact with parents should be extended until the child himself expresses a desire to be independent. Their position is that children deprived of constant attention in childhood will try to make up for it during adulthood. When choosing educational methods, you need to rely on your own principles, concepts and experience.
Important! If you are not sure which parenting method is best to choose, you should seek help from a specialist.
Useful video
Visually familiarize yourself with the four rules for raising a happy child without complexes in the video below:
Conclusion
The best psychologists for their children are, without any doubt, parents. The importance of a child’s psychological education is difficult to overestimate, because it is the leading one in the process of forming a child as an individual.
It is this that predetermines his entire subsequent life path. So let it be bright and filled with positive emotions!
Problems
Education in the modern, rapidly changing world encounters certain problems associated with the realities of today. They need to be taken into account by both parents and teachers. The most common difficulties encountered:
- lack of free time, which limits communication between family members;
- craze for gadgets, addiction to computer games and phones;
- the widespread spread of the Internet, which does not always bring benefits for the fragile child’s psyche;
- a large number of divorces, destruction of family values;
- the power of money;
- social stratification among classmates, when one half walks around with the latest iPhone model, and the second with push-button phones or without them at all.
In such conditions of modern life, it is quite difficult to raise children correctly, but it is quite possible. Each of the above problems can be solved, unless parents make a mistake in prioritizing.
Don't deprive yourself of the right to rest
The responsibility of raising children is a job that requires constant effort and attention, and it is also a 24/7 job. You can’t quit her job, and you can’t get a vacation either. But moms and dads still need to rest to regain their strength. Sometimes it’s worth taking a so-called day off.
Teach your child to understand your needs for sleep and rest . Explain that while mom is lying down, the children can do something interesting - draw, make a plasticine figure, or just watch cartoons. Teach them to play quietly and not make numerous requests to their mother when she is resting. However, observe moderation - children should not be left for long without adult supervision, you will be rested, but the child will be left to his own devices.
Read also: 14 ways to keep your child busy when mom wants to rest
Literature
If difficulties arise during the upbringing process, parents should not let the situation take its course. Firstly, you should not be embarrassed to ask for help from a professional - a family or child psychologist or psychotherapist will help solve any problem. Secondly, there are thematic, very interesting books that will certainly tell you a lot of new things about the child’s psyche. What can be recommended from the literature on this issue:
- G. P. Shalaeva and O. G. Sazonova “Rules of behavior for well-mannered children.”
- M. Ibuka “After three it’s too late.”
- O. Makhovskaya “100 parenting mistakes that are easy to avoid.”
- Yu. Gippenreiter “The most important book for parents.”
- E. Belonoshchenko “Born with character” and others.
The Constitution of the country in which the family lives should also become a reference book. For example, in the Russian Federation, the responsibilities of parents regarding education are enshrined at the legislative level. They are contained in Article 44 of the Federal Law “On Education in the Russian Federation”. Date: 12/29/2012. Search under number 273-FZ. The latest updated version is from 05/01/2019.
In the same way, the responsibility of parents for raising children is spelled out at the legislative level in the “Code of the Russian Federation on Administrative Offences”. Date - 12/30/2001. Search under number 195-FZ. The latest updated version is from 05/29/2019.
Whatever child you want to raise, the main thing is to do it without yelling and punishment. Only by respecting and loving him is it possible to grow a full-fledged, self-sufficient, self-confident person.
