Children's tantrums. Types and reasons. How to calm a raging child. Kindergarten teachers, school teachers and educators

Causes of tantrums in children

Hysteria is a state of intense agitation, which is accompanied by sudden changes in mood, outbursts of anger and despair, as well as loss of self-control. Children in hysterics may scream, cry, fall to the floor, bang their fists and even bang their heads against the wall. It is difficult for a small child to get out of this state on his own, so hysteria can last for quite a long time. What are the causes of tantrums in children?

Overwork and overexcitement. Kids can get tired of both monotonous activities (long trips, intellectual work) and emotionally intense events (trips to entertainment centers, active and noisy games with peers, visiting a new place for the baby). If a child is tired, the likelihood of a tantrum increases significantly.
Physical discomfort: pain, hunger and thirst, stuffiness, overheating, and so on.
Inability to describe your requirement in words. Young children often have conflicts and misunderstandings with peers due to the fact that they cannot yet express their desires in words. Adults also do not always understand what a baby wants, who cannot yet or is just learning to speak. Misunderstanding on the part of loved ones often leads to hysterics.
The desire for independence. If parents, being overly concerned about the baby, do not allow him to show independence, this can provoke frequent hysterics. This is especially evident during crisis periods of development (1 year, 1.5 years, 3 years).
Lack of attention. A child who does not receive enough care and affection will most likely try to attract attention in various ways. Hysteria rarely leaves parents indifferent.
Refusals and prohibitions. Due to emotionality and insufficient development of self-control, young children usually react violently to any obstacles to the fulfillment of their desires.
Inconsistency of adults. The lack of a common position on the part of parents regarding the upbringing of a child or the floating boundaries of what is permitted lead to the child’s lack of a clear picture of the world, and therefore a lack of a sense of predictability and safety. In this regard, capriciousness and impulsiveness appear.

Even the most balanced little ones fall into hysterics from time to time, seemingly out of the blue. This most often occurs during periods of crisis of 1 year and 3 years. If a child over 4 years old systematically experiences hysterical attacks, this may indicate the presence of neurological disorders or serious errors in upbringing.

Why do they appear?

To determine how to stop a child's tantrum, you should know why it appears. The solution to the problem depends on what is the provoking factor of this behavior. This usually arises from conflicts in parent-child relationships. It is important to take into account the age characteristics of children.

Hysterical behavior occurs for the following reasons:

If the child is still small, he has a small vocabulary. Therefore, he will react to a conflict reaction with hysterics. How to stop tantrums in a 1 year old child? Usually at this age, mothers can eliminate this condition themselves by telling the baby something interesting or getting him interested in a toy.
An undesirable reaction occurs when parents refuse to comply with the child’s request. This often appears when a child begs to buy a toy.
Negative behavior occurs after the appearance of younger sisters or brothers in the family. In this way, children want to attract the attention of their parents, which indicates jealousy.
A hysterical state appears due to overwork, for example, during the day the child had a lot of things to do and was simply tired. How to stop a 1.5 year old child from hysterics? It is necessary to calm him down and let him rest.
Hysteria can occur when you do not want to be distracted from your favorite activity. For example, a child is playing in the yard, and his mother calls him home.
These attacks are associated with malaise. If a child still speaks poorly, it is difficult for him to say how he is feeling.

It turns out that any hysteria has its own reasons. A 3-year-old child does not want to anger his parents; he himself may be frightened by an attack. Therefore, the correct reaction to children's behavior is necessary.

Two types of children's tantrums

Some teachers and psychologists distinguish between two fundamentally different types of hysterics in children: true and manipulative. This classification is based on the criterion of a child’s awareness of his behavior.

True hysterics occur involuntarily. Emotions completely take over the baby, so he is not able to control his actions, take into account their possible consequences, or accept the persuasion and arguments of adults. The lower parts of the brain (in particular, the amygdala) are involved in the occurrence of this type of hysteria.
Manipulative hysterics occur consciously (the upper parts of the brain are involved in the work). They are usually typical for children of middle and older preschool age. In this way the child wants to achieve the desired result. Indeed, when the baby is in a hysterical state, especially if this happens in a crowded place or if they need to rush somewhere, parents often find no other way out of the situation other than to instantly satisfy the baby’s need (or whim). If adults succumb to such manipulations at least several times, most likely, this model of behavior will be firmly entrenched in the preschooler.

When faced with manipulative hysteria, or “top floor” hysteria, it is important not to succumb to provocations and make it clear to the child that this method of getting what they want is not constructive. When the child understands that a tantrum is not effective, he will stop behaving in this way. If a child’s hysteria occurs unconsciously (a “lower floor” hysteria), first of all you need to support the child and accept his emotions. When the emotional outburst subsides a little, the baby will be able to perceive your words.

Distinguishing one type of tantrum from another can be difficult. But every parent knows their child well and can observe what is the reason and reason for hysteria.

Parent ignores child's tantrum

This happens when adults are unable to withstand the emotions of a child; it is easier for them to close down, distance themselves, and not react in any way. But for a baby, mom and dad are life; he won’t survive without their care. Accordingly, when parents close themselves off, he literally experiences the fear of death and is ready to do anything to regain his lost affection. At a young age, children begin to cry loudly and become hysterical. And at a more conscious age, due to constant ignoring of parents, it will be difficult for a child to build healthy, harmonious relationships with other people.

Ekaterina Domankova

I think that by completely preventing a child from feeling and realizing his emotions, we are also doing him a disservice. It is very important to recognize when it is time to react and when it is possible to give your child a chance to feel unpleasant emotions.

How to respond to your baby's tantrums?

So, how should you behave with a child who is in a state of hysterics? First of all, we need to understand what exactly we want to achieve: to stop the “shameful” behavior as quickly as possible (that is, to achieve an immediate effect), or is the long-term perspective important? Of course, the second one. Adults (parents and other loved ones) must teach the baby to understand his emotions, express them constructively, follow the rules, and cope with difficulties. This cannot be achieved by responding to a tantrum with punishment, ignoring, or simply distracting attention. Here are the basic rules, following which you can stop hysterics and maintain a trusting relationship with your baby:

As soon as you notice that the child begins to cry, let him know that you hear him. You don’t need to immediately enter into dialogue with him, just turn in his direction.
To make the baby feel that you accept his feelings and can share them with him, approach the child and get down to his level.
Analyze the situation and tell your baby his emotion: “you’re angry,” “you’re very upset,” “you’re sad,” and so on. At this moment, most likely, the child will somehow respond to your words, he will begin to gradually become aware of his emotions. You can tell him about a situation when you yourself experienced a similar emotion.

Hysteria develops in waves: first, anger and rage arise sharply, then, having reached their peak, they are replaced by sadness and despair, after which the emotions gradually subside.

Try to find out the reason why the child became hysterical. Maybe something didn’t work out for him, or he really wants to buy some kind of toy, or he didn’t expect anything and got scared. There can be many reasons. If the baby can talk, you can ask him about it directly. If the baby doesn’t speak yet, ask him to show him what he wants, and also show him the possible options yourself. The child will begin to interact with you and break out of the vicious circle of uncontrollable emotional reactions. It is very important not to evaluate or criticize what the baby tells or shows you, but simply listen to him carefully.
When the child speaks out and you understand the reason for his worries, calmly tell him your position on this matter. The opinions and capabilities of adults do not always coincide with the requirements of children, so you should not be afraid to say “no” to the baby. Speak calmly and confidently, clearly justifying your position in a language that the child can understand.
If your child receives a refusal, try to end on a positive note and redirect his attention to something interesting. With preschool children, you can dream together or make immediate plans.

Preventing tantrums in children

To prevent tantrums, parents need to follow a number of principles:

It is advisable that the child follows a daily routine and also has enough time to rest. For the development of the baby's nervous system, proper sleep, walks in the fresh air, and outdoor games are extremely important.
Pay attention to the baby's emotional state. Talk to him about how he feels at a particular moment in time and why. Parents are the guides of children into the world of emotions.
Teach your baby to express his emotions in a constructive way (for example, if the baby is angry, he can stamp his foot; if the child can speak, then it is best to try to express your demand in words).
Keep calm. If a child watches his loved ones get angry, he will copy their behavior.
Give your child the opportunity to choose and exercise independence. The desire to do something yourself is a natural need of a child who, as he grows up, separates from his parents.
The baby should not have many prohibitions. In order for a child to understand the meaning of the word “impossible,” it should mean only the strictest prohibitions (for example, do not run out onto the road, do not stick your fingers into a socket). It is in your power to arrange your life in such a way that you have to forbid something to your baby as rarely as possible. If you still need to restrict your child in some way, be sure to explain to him the reason for your decision.
Be consistent. Do not cancel your ban, even if the baby begs you, cries or screams. Sometimes it can be very difficult to resist negative reactions to a ban, but believe me, changing your mind will make things worse. Only the persistence of parents gives the child the opportunity to predict the consequences of his behavior.

Small children do not yet know how to cope with their experiences on their own, so do not leave your baby alone if something is bothering him. The child must be sure that you accept his feelings and emotions and want to help solve his problem.

Online classes for the development of speech, reading, cognitive functions, using the FAST FORWORD method

According to an article by the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004), from birth, children quickly develop the ability to experience and express a wide range of emotions. Emotional experiences in newborns and infants most often occur during interactions with a parent or caregiver, such as when children are fed, soothed, and held. They experience negative emotions and show dissatisfaction when they are hungry, uncomfortable or lonely and they experience positive emotions when they are fed, comforted, communicated with, etc. They cannot control the expression of emotions overwhelming them and do not yet know how to regulate them independently.

So how can you help an angry child calm down?

Introduce your child to a new unpleasant emotion.

“You are filled with anger (you are angry, you are angry), let me help you.” This is necessary so that in the future the child understands exactly what he is feeling in order to know what to do next.

Meet anger with compassion.

Listen to your child and show him that his feelings are important. As long as the child speaks, the anger will subside. His higher brain will respond to sympathy, which will help calm the lower brain, where anger originates.

Instead of sending your child to the punishment corner, make him a cozy corner and send him there.

There he can look at picture books, draw, listen to relaxing music or play. Don't worry, this punishment alternative doesn't encourage unacceptable behavior, it teaches the important skill of calming down.

Teach your child to breathe correctly.

Even babies can be taught to take deep breaths. Older children can be taught meditative breathing.

Practice mindfulness with your child.

Research shows that mindfulness can help children improve their ability to focus, calm down when they're upset, and make better decisions.

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Keep your child busy with games that require concentration.

Classes in the Fast ForWord online program will not only teach the child to concentrate, but will also ensure the development of neural networks in the areas of the brain responsible for the child’s basic cognitive skills.

Thanks to this, your child will quickly and forever become a successful student.

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Let your child play with plasticine.

For most children, tactile sensory activities create a calming effect.

Give your child plenty of time to de-stress.

Drawing, rolling on the grass, reading and music can help calm a stressed-out child's nerves. A stressed child is at risk of temper tantrums.

Give your child a bath.

A poem by artist SARK says “If they're crabby, put them in water.” Warm, soothing water is a good way to lift your child's spirits.

If your child needs personal space to calm down, provide it.

Just don’t ignore it, as it can have extremely negative consequences. Let your child know that you support him and are available to talk to him, but respect his need for alone time.

Invite your child to look at himself from the outside.

Take him to the mirror and ask him to look at himself from head to toe. Let him find the tense parts of his body and relax them.

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conclusions

Every parent experiences their child's tantrums. In some children they occur more often, in others less often. The peak of hysterics usually occurs in early and early preschool age (1-3 years), older preschoolers are already sufficiently able to control their emotions. At the moment of hysteria, be close to the baby, help him understand his feelings, analyze the situation together and find out the cause of the hysteria. By including your baby in a dialogue with yourself, you prevent a further increase in emotional tension. Only after this is it necessary to express your position and explain to the child why in this case you are making this or that decision.