Sometimes the screams are supplemented by plaintive moans about the fact that the precious child has a stomach ache, a headache, and is generally sick of the garden. Literally and figuratively. And in more severe cases, the child’s temperature actually rises, abdominal pain appears and chronic diseases worsen.
What to do in such a situation? First, figure out why your baby won’t agree to join the children’s group at any price. And there may be several reasons for this.
Lifestyle change
Children are the greatest conservatives in the world. It is only at first glance that it seems that they are constantly striving for new adventures and impressions. In fact, the usual rhythm, when they know exactly how one event replaces another, is order and calm in their lives. And here - in the morning, your mother takes you to an unfamiliar aunt, where, besides you, your beloved, there are a lot of other children, she leaves you there to fend for themselves and it is unknown whether you will ever see her again. In the garden, everything is alien – and, probably, that’s why it’s hostile.
Exit
Gradually accustom your baby to a change in routine. If he is used to going to bed late and getting up late, you will have to carefully transfer the baby to an earlier rise. This is not scary at all; the regime change occurs within 3-4 days.
When your lifestyle changes dramatically, it is important to preserve a “piece of home” for your child. The best option is if you can agree with the head and teacher that you can be present in the group with your child during the first week. By the way, in many kindergartens such agreements are practiced on a completely official basis, and in Waldorf kindergartens the teachers themselves persistently ask the mother to be in the group with the child for at least ten days.
If for some reason this is not possible, think about some pleasant little thing that will remind your baby of home. This could be a soft toy (it’s so nice to fall asleep with it!), familiar food in a small container (preferably not very dirty - a carrot or an apple will do). Or you might want to make a good luck charm for your baby - for example, a small flat toy that you can always carry in a pocket or on a lanyard. When her little owner is sad, let him remember the “magic talisman”, and it will certainly help to cope with gloomy thoughts.
How to smooth out unpleasant moments after visiting kindergarten?
If your baby went to kindergarten, and you began to notice some hysterical fits in him, then in such situations you should take all measures that will be aimed at smoothing out the unpleasant consequences after visiting kindergarten. In such situations:
- Try to create a very gentle environment at home that will gently influence the child’s nervous system.
- Try to be loyal to all kinds of whims, since the nervous system is already tense. In such situations, you should hug and feel sorry for your baby.
- If a child has some bad habits, then it is not worth weaning them off during the adaptation period, since the nervous system is completely overloaded.
- If you talk about the kindergarten with your family and friends in the presence of your child, then reviews about this institution and all teachers should be only positive and good. The child must understand that his parents really like the place he goes to. In such situations he calms down a little.
- From the very morning before going to kindergarten, try to organize only the most positive emotions for your baby.
- Try to think through your entire farewell ritual in advance before letting your child go to the group. Farewell should be joyful and quite warm.
- If your baby begins to cry in the first few weeks, do not be alarmed by such tears. And never get angry when he cries. Tears are a kind of protection for the nervous system, so such a reaction is quite appropriate.
- Try to make the moment of your separation as easy as possible. It is advisable for the child to be taken to kindergarten by the person with whom it is easiest for the child to say goodbye.
- Before leaving, remind your child that you will definitely come back and pick him up. He should not think that everyone left him to the mercy of fate. At the same time, try to take him home on time all the time.
- As soon as you pick him up from preschool in the evening, set aside at least a short period of time that you can devote specifically to him, and not to the housework. He must know that you need him and you love him.
By observing all these simple conditions, you will be able to make the adaptation process painless for the child and very fast.
Tags:Kindergarten, Hysteria
We also recommend reading on this topic:
- Basic principles and rules of environmental education for preschool children
- What is the psychology of a 5-year-old boy and what should his upbringing be like?
- What to do with tantrums in a 5 year old child
- If conflicts arise between children in kindergarten
Unusual food
Remember your childhood - probably in your kindergarten there was some special “masterpiece” of local chefs that gave you not the most pleasant feelings. The notorious milk foam, jelly, milk porridge or onion soup - everyone has their own memories. Sometimes educators try too zealously to feed their charges, demanding that they eat every last crumb, at a fast pace - this is also not something everyone can do.
Exit
If your baby flatly refuses to eat in kindergarten, agree with the teachers so that they do not insist on this process. After all, no child has ever voluntarily died of starvation. At home, in front of the garden, it is quite possible to do without breakfast - there is a greater chance that by the time breakfast in the kindergarten the baby will have time to get hungry and want to try something from the common table.
If, according to gardening rules, a child is allowed to take some food from home, then let it be beautifully cut fruits (apples, pears), vegetables (cucumber or carrots), and a banana will do. Try not to give your child sweets like candy or cookies; these delicacies, of course, can comfort you at first, but will cause an unhealthy stir in the group and completely ruin your appetite.
The child went to kindergarten. And... I caught a cold
My child went to kindergarten and now has colds... What is this?!!! This is a normal reaction of a child’s body to the first time in a team. The fact is that a certain (however, quite small) number of viruses circulates in the population, with which the child’s body must “get acquainted”. The acquaintance takes place in the form of an acute respiratory infection. Coming to kindergarten, a child becomes infected with unfamiliar strains and... alas, he is sick.
If a child gets sick so often, does this mean that he has low immunity?
In this situation, no, it doesn’t mean that. Every child goes through this path. The problem has nothing to do with the level of immunity.
But the neighbor’s children went to kindergarten and they didn’t have such a problem...
Probably, by the time they entered kindergarten, the children of a friend had already suffered most of the infections - in transport, at the cinema, from friends. In principle, the more active the child (or rather his parents), the sooner he goes through this path. A child locked within four walls is naturally less likely to come into contact with viruses. So maybe you shouldn’t send your child to kindergarten?
How to raise a child - at home or in preschool institutions, each family decides independently... But with home education, the problem will be relegated to first grade. It will most likely not be possible to avoid it.
But the immune system needs help! The newspapers write about drugs and devices that enhance immunity.
No, it's not worth it. The child’s immunity is sufficient to cope on its own. Moreover, experience in fighting viruses is useful and trains the body’s immune defense. There is no point in interfering in this process. The vast majority of advertising in our newspapers offers, to put it mildly... untested (and therefore unsafe) methods. Nature is smarter than man and, when creating man, provided him with sufficiently strong defense mechanisms in order to survive in almost any conditions without dubious pharmacological support.
But how can we help?
Of course you can. Reasonable attitude, lack of panic and throwing, walks and games in the air, reasonable hardening. What to do when you get sick?
Almost nothing. Some restriction of mobility is acceptable (you shouldn’t run around crazy in the yard), but, as a rule, there is no need for bed rest; plenty of tasty drinks - the more the better, tasty food that the child loves, a little more than usual parental attention, affection and care.
Antibiotics, vitamins, other drugs?
In no case should antibiotics be used - they do not act on viruses; there is no need for additional vitamins with proper nutrition. If necessary, your local pediatrician will prescribe the necessary medications. Self-medication is unacceptable.
But the mothers on the playground said that.....
But the opinions of girlfriends, grandmothers, neighbors, radio programs, the Healthy Lifestyle newspaper, television programs and other things... we will not seriously discuss with you. Medicine is a serious science and is built on more serious principles than idle speculation.
But it’s so difficult for me... My work is suffering, the child is capricious, I feel sorry for him...
Being a parent is not easy at all. However, we assume that the interests of the child are more important to parents than all others.
Unloved teacher
This is a serious problem, and ideally it would be good to solve it before the child enters kindergarten. It’s not for nothing that psychologists recommend that before placing a child in a particular institution, be sure to get acquainted not only with the head and the set of toys in the group, but also (which is much more important!) with the future teacher. She will be the one who will spend most of the time with your child. Sometimes it happens that children literally fly at full speed to one teacher, but don’t even want to approach another, they huddle close to their mother.
Exit
First, find out why your baby doesn’t like the teacher. This is not so easy to do, because not always a small child can talk about his impressions and experiences. But special games will come to your aid. In the evening, in a calm environment, play with your child in kindergarten with a set of plush animals or plastic men. You will learn a lot of interesting details for yourself! Let the child choose a role for himself - whether he will play for himself, for his “classmate” or for that same teacher.
When you understand the meaning of the conflict, try discussing it with your teacher. If after this no positive changes occur (the teacher mistreats the child, does not hear him, allows other children to tease and offend your child), then the situation, alas, is a dead end. You will have to think about changing kindergarten or group. Moreover, in this case it is preferable to change the kindergarten than the group, since in any team there is a certain corporate ethics - including in the kindergarten.
A stranger among his own
Sometimes it happens that a child, for some reason, does not fit into the children's group, continuing to keep to himself. This may be an individual characteristic - each child simply has different needs for communication, some need to communicate more, others need to get by with a minimum of “business connections”. But if your child has not found his niche in the children’s group for a year, and has spent all this time as if “behind a glass wall”, only observing the child’s life, you should consult a psychologist - this may indicate autistic character traits.
Exit
If it is difficult for a child to make friends with peers, you will have to, as always, take matters into your own hands. Try to gradually expand your social circle (both yours and your children’s). Observe which of your child's classmates is the most attractive to you, and try to make friends with his parents. Invite them to visit more often. Perhaps, at first, you will have to actively participate in their games so that your “savage” can gradually join them himself.
Another important moment of the transition period is to accustom the baby to the idea that it is not always only with his mother that he can be comfortable and interesting. Ask your dad or grandma to come up with an exciting game with your child in your absence. A good option is an early development studio, where children gradually join the children's team without losing touch with their mother. Other children and their games should be, from your point of view, a very attractive and enjoyable activity. Draw your child’s attention to how fun and interesting the children are together, how well they play.
How to wean a child from whims: prohibitions
In the process of development, every child faces prohibitions. He is still small, and his parents forbid him something for his own safety, for educational purposes, and for various other reasons.
It is important to clearly explain to the child the reason for the prohibition (it is impossible because this is healthier for children, this is more suitable for children, you will do better this way...). All family members must be consistent in their prohibitions.
If dad said “no,” then mom should have the same opinion. You should not give in to the child’s whims and make concessions.
Situations are often repeated when a child asks his parents to buy a toy in a store and begins to be capricious if refused, or even throws a tantrum. You need to remain calm and self-possessed and not succumb to provocation.
Explain to your child clearly why you cannot fulfill his request. Maybe you spent all your money on food and medicine, or maybe your child already has a similar toy.
Avoid excuses “because, because”, “I say no, that means no”, etc. They can be heard from parents who are too lazy to think seriously about the child; they do not perceive him as a full-fledged person, since they themselves have not yet matured psychologically .
These words undermine the child's trust and separate him from him. He may stop being capricious due to his angry tone, but in the future he will stop asking you questions and won’t talk about himself.
Meanwhile, harmony and mutual understanding are important in the family, so relationships must be protected. An explanation of the prohibition that is clear to the child will help him calm down and maintain trust. Next time he will be less capricious and learn to calmly respond to reasonable “no” and “no”.
Those parents who themselves experienced limitations in childhood often give in to their children’s whims. The child's connivance and joy compensate for their own past deprivations.
Of course, a child should have joy and everything cannot just be prohibited, however, it should be allowed in moderation, if it does not contradict the general principles of education and does not cause harm.
If a child is in an environment of complete prohibitions, then he will have a violent protest against this situation, and whims will not only not decrease, but will also turn into more serious psychological problems.
You cannot pamper a child and indulge all his whims, and at the same time it is necessary to preserve his desire to receive, do, master something.
Pay attention to the child’s requests, maybe he really needs some thing, a new toy will be useful for development, and doing it yourself will help develop a skill in the right task.
Don't create ambiguous situations for him. If, for obvious reasons, you refused to buy a toy for your child, then do not give in to persuasion while walking into the store and just look at it. Then he will know for sure that he will not achieve anything by whims, and your word will be significant for him.
When telling your child “no”, offer another action that will distract and satisfy the baby. For example, you cannot torture a cat, but you can pour milk into its bowl; You can’t eat a lot of sweets, but you can eat an apple or a pear.
What not to do
- Give in to persuasion and provocation. If, despite all the children's moans and pitiful lamentations, you still brought your child to the doors of the kindergarten, but at the last moment your parental heart could not stand it and you turned back with your child - this is a very dangerous path. The baby will understand that with tears and screaming he can achieve what he wants, and next time he will only have to slightly increase the volume and intensity of the crying.
- Take your child to kindergarten every other day or a couple of times a week. In order for kindergarten to become an inevitable reality, the baby must appear there every day (of course, except for weekends). It's better to take him out of there early at first. It's okay if you don't leave him there for naps during the first weeks or even months. Only when the child has fully adapted to the new living conditions, try to pick him up after his nap.
- You yourself are afraid of separation from your child. Children are unusually sensitive. At some subconscious level, all our emotions are transmitted to them - both anxiety and calmness. A heartbreaking scene of tears in the locker room is not the best way to start your baby's day. Let your child go with the confidence that he will be okay.
Inessa Smyk
What to do if your child goes to kindergarten and cries at night
09/12/2019, 00:00 Modified: 07/08/2021, 18:34
Many parents do not even suspect that their behavior is not reassuring the child, but, on the contrary, making him even more nervous.
They begin to persuade their screaming child, and they do it extremely hesitantly. The child senses their anxiety and concern and begins to cry even louder. There is no need to arrange a farewell forever out of an ordinary action. You just go to work and leave your baby in kindergarten for a while, so you treat this as a simple and ordinary action. The child will feel your confidence and will stop panicking and experiencing neurosis after kindergarten . Many educators and other parents advise quietly leaving the group while the child’s attention is distracted by something. Under no circumstances should you do this!
The child must know exactly how long you are leaving him in the kindergarten and have the opportunity to say goodbye to you. Come up with your own ritual. For example, blow him a kiss from the street, which he should catch and calmly go with it to the group. Explain that everyone has their own job - you go to the office, and he goes to kindergarten, and in the evening you meet and share your impressions, tell how your day went. At home, ask your child to show what new things he has learned, maybe cut out, make appliques or sculpt from plasticine. Let him “teach” you this action. Create a perception of kindergarten as a place where he can communicate, play with peers and learn something new.
Some children get used to kindergarten very quickly. Literally on the second or third day they themselves want to stay in kindergarten for the whole day. The parents are happy, the child is cheerful and calm. However, in two to three weeks everything may change. The child begins to be capricious in the morning, comes up with a lot of excuses not to go to kindergarten, says that he did not get enough sleep, that something hurts, or simply asks to stay at home. Some kids experience night hysterics after kindergarten, when they burst into uncontrollable crying for 10-15 minutes, sometimes without even waking up. First of all, stressful situations for a child affect sleep and appetite. Parents should be alert to atypical manifestations of aggression, capriciousness, hyperactivity or, conversely, passivity, loss of appetite and drowsiness for the child. It happens that a child has strong self-control, he tries not to show his parents his concern and anxiety, but he still cries at night. All these symptoms indicate maladjustment to kindergarten and require an immediate solution to the problem.
Stress in a child after kindergarten. What to do?
Atypical behavior of the child, night tantrums, stress after visiting kindergarten indicate that adaptation is not happening. How can you help your child adapt to kindergarten?
- If you are not on a strict schedule or someone at home can spend time with the child, try an individual visitation schedule. For example, give your child an extra day off on Wednesday or a couple of days a week leave him in the garden only until lunch.
- Give your child a vacation, especially if he has just recently started attending kindergarten. The schedule may initially be like this: we go for 2 weeks, we rest for 3-4 days, later we can increase the time we spend in kindergarten: we go for 2 months, we rest for a week. Focus on the child's condition. It is usually clear from children's behavior when they are starting to get tired and need rest. If you don’t take a break in time, fatigue will lead to a decrease in immunity and to some kind of acute respiratory viral infection or acute respiratory infection, and you will spend the same week or two at home, but no longer relaxing on vacation, but actively receiving treatment.
- A half-hour bath with chamomile or aromatic oils is a good way to relax after visiting a kindergarten and washes away all the worries of the day.
- Upon returning home, after completing all the relaxing rituals, ask your child about the events in the kindergarten. Listen carefully, find out about his feelings and attitude to different situations, give advice.
- Set aside a place for his kindergarten crafts and drawings and never stop admiring the skills your little one has acquired in kindergarten.
- Let your baby take his favorite plush toy with him. Buy the same pajamas for home and kindergarten, so the child will feel more confident and better, because a piece of home remains with him.
- It is better to teach your child to potty and self-care before visiting kindergarten. This way he will avoid additional stress.
- Getting used to kindergarten should not coincide with other important events in the child’s life (moving, moving to a separate room, etc.), especially for children under 3 years old. Under no circumstances should you send your child to kindergarten after the arrival of a younger brother or sister, otherwise he will feel betrayed, replaced by a new child.
- Use fairy tales in difficult situations. Let forest animals, supermen or spiderman try to cope with the problem your child faced in kindergarten.
- When leaving your child in kindergarten, always say when you will come for him: in the evening, after lunch or after sleep. And try to keep your promises.
- A child in kindergarten has to learn to contain his emotions, so let them spill out later. Play or draw with your baby; some children just need to sit in their mother’s arms for a while, to feel loved and protected.
- In the evening, after picking up your child from kindergarten, do not let him sit in front of the TV or computer. The child needs relaxation, and these types of activities, on the contrary, are exciting. Of course, you can watch a cartoon, but a short one, while hugging together. The child needs tactile contact.
Photo: depositphotos.com
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