An introverted child: how to recognize, signs, how to raise

Introverted child: Character traits

Introverts are people who do not need others to replenish their mental energy.
They get nourishment from sleep, spiritual food (music, films, art) and can easily do without communication for a long time. Energy is directed inward, towards one’s own feelings and experiences. There are obvious introverts among children. To correctly select parenting methods, parents need to know what type their child has. You can notice the traits of an introvert at a very early age, even in the first year of life.

Here are some telltale signs of an introverted child:

Such children are not inclined to communicate with peers. Sometimes this can even be a burden to them. They treat loneliness normally and don’t worry about it.
If the child is very young, he may refuse to be held by strangers. Also, most likely, he will burst into tears if there is too much attention from the crowd, for example, at a holiday.
Lack of communication breeds insecurity. Such children are also overly touchy.
They get tired quickly at public events and ask to go home throughout the holiday.
Often creative individuals. They have a vivid imagination and draw well. They can spend a long time doing this activity, even alone.

If you notice such traits in your child, you should not sound the alarm. These are mental characteristics and are not a deviation.

A child who does not run to play in a crowd of children, but spends time with toys, most likely does not need a huge amount of communication; he is interested in himself. This is normal, and you shouldn’t push him out onto the playground with the kids if the baby doesn’t want it. When under pressure, an introverted child may withdraw into himself

Signs of an introvert

In order to classify their child as one or another type of temperament, it is important for parents to study the main characteristics that are inherent in each of its types.

The fact is that pure introverts and extroverts do not meet very often in life. In children, a mixture of these two types is most noticeable when there is a shift in one direction or another.

What is most characteristic of an introvert?

Avoiding eye contact. The manifestation of this symptom can be especially strong when a child meets strangers.
Tantrums that a very tired child throws. He does this not because of his whims. It’s just that the baby’s nervous system cannot cope with the increasing load.
Quiet behavior. An introverted child prefers communication with himself and with toys. He will never run around the store and is always close to his parents.
Well developed imagination. This is what allows such a baby to play alone.
Refusal to try anything new. Such children are frightened by change, especially when it comes to interactions with other people.
Weak expression of emotions. Such children sometimes seem indifferent, although in their hearts they worry very much.

The same signs are typical for teenagers. At the same time, they rarely join any social group, do not like noisy parties, and if they do end up there, they always stay away.

Introverted child: How to raise?

Introverted children are often silent and keep everything to themselves, but if they can trust a person, they become interesting conversationalists and attentive listeners. They are calm, and thanks to their perseverance, they achieve academic success more easily than extroverts.

New acquaintances cause stress in introverted children. Therefore, parents should prepare their introverted child in advance for changes in environment
.
Parents should treat such a child more carefully
. If you are planning a trip to an unfamiliar place, it makes sense to tell your child about the upcoming event and discuss who he might meet there. Tell why friendship is needed and how beautiful it is.
Introverted children are in dire need of personal space
. Parents must respect the child’s desire to have a secluded corner where he can be alone with himself and his thoughts. You should also be careful with your baby’s personal belongings. They mean a lot to such a child.
It is also important at first to help the child communicate with other people until he has acquired the ability to find a common language. It may be necessary, for example, to take the baby to other children on the playground and introduce them.
You should not force a child to speak when he wants to remain silent
. Introverts restore vital energy by being inside themselves. And they spend it interacting with people. Therefore, it is quite possible that when returning from a noisy holiday, the baby will be silent and will not rush to talk about his impressions. This should not be confused with sullenness. Reluctance to talk does not mean that the child had a bad day, he just spent too much energy, and now he needs to restore it.
An introverted child does not immediately get used to new situations
. You need to respect his desire to get comfortable in a new team or environment. When you come to visit, let him play a little on the sidelines if there are a lot of unfamiliar children in the company. Once he gets used to it, he will blend into the atmosphere. The main thing for the mother is not to apply pressure during such “suspension.”

Without proper moral rest, communication brings unpleasant feelings to introverted children and exhausts them.

Introverted Child: 15 Things You Need to Know

You are confused by your child's behavior. He doesn't behave at all like you. He is reserved and indecisive. Instead of playing with his peers, he prefers to stand on the sidelines and watch them. When he talks to you, he is constantly confused, but most often he is silent, and you cannot understand what is going on in his head. He spends a lot of time alone in his room. Teachers say that they would like the child to be more active in class. He communicates with only a few friends.

And what’s even stranger is that he likes it.

Congratulations. Your child is an introvert.

Extroverted parents often worry about their withdrawn children and even consider their behavior to be unhealthy. It is worth noting that children with these symptoms may suffer from anxiety and depression. Sometimes detachment and lack of vitality signal something completely different than introversion.

However, many introverted children do not experience depression or anxiety at all. Their behavior is related to their innate temperament. Introversion is a genetic trait and will not change. The more you accept your child for who he is, the happier he will be.

Let's look at 15 things you need to understand if your child is an introvert.

What you need to know about introverted children

1. There is nothing abnormal or shameful about being an introvert.

In modern society, introverts are not uncommon: they make up 30–50% of all people. Many successful businessmen and artists are introverts: Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, JK Rowling and many others. It is said that even Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa were introverts.

2. Your child will never stop being an introvert.

Can a child overcome his dislike of noisy companies? No. American psychologist Marty Laney, author of the book “The Invincible Introvert,” argues that introversion and extroversion are determined genetically, although parents play a large role in the development of temperament. Also, an introvert's brain is different from an extrovert's.

Laney argues that introverts and extroverts use different nervous system mechanisms. Introverts use the parasympathetic nervous system, which allows them to process emotions in a resting state, while extroverts use the sympathetic nervous system, which triggers the “fight, flight or freeze” mechanism. Medical research also confirms that introverts have more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for abstract thinking and decision-making.

Therefore, if a child shows caution and restraint, there are biological reasons for this.

3. Your child is slow to get used to new people and situations - and that's normal.

Introverts often feel overwhelmed or anxious in new environments or around new people. If you are in a large group, do not expect your child to immediately start playing or interacting with other children. If possible, arrive early to give your child time to adjust and feel comfortable in the area. When other people come, the child will already get used to it.

You can also allow your child to move to a comfortable distance where he will feel safe (perhaps stand next to you) and just observe what is happening for a few minutes. This will help him get comfortable.

If neither the first nor the second option is possible, discuss the upcoming event with your child in advance. Tell us who will come there and what will happen there, how the child might feel and what he can do if he feels uncomfortable.

Regardless of what you want to teach your child to do, stick to the rule: move slowly, but don't go away. “Don’t let your child refuse new experiences, but respect his boundaries,” advises the famous American psychologist Susan Cain in a study on introverted children. “Move with him towards the source of his fear.”

4. Communication drains energy from an introverted child.

Communication can be draining for both extroverts and introverts. However, introverts tolerate it worse. An older child can be taught to go to a quiet place or outside when he feels tired from socializing. If your baby is still young, he or she may not notice the discomfort, so you'll have to keep an eye out for signs of fatigue.

5. Trying to make friends can make an introvert nervous.

When your child is trying to make friends, you need to give him positive reinforcement. Tell him: “Yesterday I saw you meet that boy. I know how difficult it was for you, and I’m proud of you.”

6. You can teach your child to regulate their emotions.

Tell your child, “I thought you wouldn’t like it at the party, but you made new friends.” Over time, receiving such positive reinforcement, he will learn to regulate his negative emotions associated with leaving his comfort zone.

7. Your child may have unique interests.

Give your child the opportunity to follow his interests. Some children are well suited to activities that are popular among their peers (for example, sports clubs). However, often introverted children have their own unique interests and would be better suited to a music or art school. Doing something you love brings a child a feeling of happiness and self-confidence. It also gives the child the opportunity to interact with other children who have similar interests (and perhaps a similar temperament).

8. You should tell the teacher that your child is an introvert.

Some teachers mistakenly believe that a child is silent in class because he is not interested or is distracted. Introverted children, on the contrary, can be extremely attentive, but not take an active part in the discussion, but simply listen. (Often an introverted child mentally says everything that his classmates say out loud, without seeing any difference between the two actions).

If a teacher knows about a child’s introversion, he can help him establish communication with classmates and involve him in group work.

9. It may be difficult for a child to stand up for himself.

Teach your child to firmly say “no” if another child tries to take a toy from him. If your child is being bullied at school, encourage him to talk to the bully. Explain to your child that his voice is important.

10. Help your child express himself

Listen to your child and ask questions to encourage him to talk. Many introverts - both children and adults - find it difficult to express their thoughts out loud.

Introverts live their inner lives and need someone to help them come out.

11. An introverted child may not ask for help.

Introverts tend to hide their problems. Your child may not discuss his problems with you, even if he wants help or advice from you. Ask your child questions and listen carefully, but do not be intrusive with questions.

12. An introverted child is not necessarily shy

The word "shy" has a negative connotation. If your child hears this word often enough, he may begin to think that his discomfort with other people is a constant feeling that he will never be able to control.

In addition, the word "shy" means that the child suppresses his emotions. Don't call your child shy, and if other people call him that, correct them by saying, "He's actually an introvert."

13. Your child may only have a couple of close friends – and that’s okay.

Introverts strive to establish deep relationships rather than making as many friends as possible. They prefer to communicate in a narrow circle and usually do not want to become popular.

14. Your child will tend to spend a lot of time alone. Don't take it personally

Everything that pulls a child out of his inner world - school, friends, new activities - tires him. Don't be offended or think that he doesn't want to spend time with his family and wants to be alone. Most likely, when he regains his strength, he will again spend time with you.

15. An introverted child is a real treasure.

You should not only accept the child as he is, but also appreciate his characteristics. Introverted children are often kind, thoughtful, and goal-oriented. They are excellent conversationalists when they are in comfortable conditions.

Pedagogy of partnership

In this case, another principle will be useful - partnership pedagogy, in which parents and teachers help each other achieve a common goal - the well-being of the child.

There are some simple ways teachers and school leaders can listen to introverts and meet their needs.

They need to be offered something that will attract them to school life and give them self-confidence.

Teachers need to continually ask themselves, “Am I being introvert-friendly?”

If yes, then the teacher suggests:

reading, writing and reflection time;

work in small groups (3-5 people), where everyone has the opportunity to share their thoughts and ideas without feeling the pressure of the whole class;

interaction when two students complete a joint task;

the ability for the student to choose single types of work.

In lessons, it is worth using “waiting time” for answers. There is a short pause between when the teacher asks a question and when he gives someone the opportunity to answer.

Thus, introverted students find themselves on an equal footing with others. Experts say that the ideal time for such a pause is from 3 to 7 seconds.

Many schools assume that introverts simply don't want to participate in extracurricular activities, but this is not true. They want to do something that suits their personal interests. Such students can be offered a robotics club or a photography club.

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How to “look after” these capricious children?

Both parents and school are responsible for this. Their task is to teach children to live in society while maintaining individuality. Let's be honest, the old school was geared towards extroverts.

The terrible mantras “he’ll go to the board, he’ll go to the board...” are the nightmares of introverts even years after graduation.

There are actually quite a few children prone to introversion, and schools should remember this. Extroverts prefer active activities, movement and team work, while introverts prefer quiet work and independent projects.

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According to the new standards, at school every student can find a corner for secluded relaxation to “recharge”, which introverted children sometimes need so much. This could be a corridor space divided into zones or a special place in the library.

Olga Chigir, a child and family psychologist, says: “When a child is encouraged to speak publicly, participate in competitions or otherwise express himself, the question is always: who really needs this activity?”

Really to the child or rather to the parents? To satisfy the child’s internal need for demonstration and recognition? Or to satisfy such a parental need through a child?

“We live in a reality of competing internal needs. And if for an introverted child the internal need for security now prevails over the need for recognition, it is worth paying attention and respect to this, and not pushing your own needs,” notes child and family psychologist Olga Chigir.

The psychic costs of establishing a connection and carrying out communication are different for different people.

Alternating types of activity and the ability to perform tasks individually in large and small groups allows the child to restore resources if too much of it is spent at the stage of collective activity.

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Space for privacy is extremely important in conditions of constant information noise as a place for the reproduction of resources spent on establishing and maintaining connections with others.

It happens that an introverted child still has a hard time at school. Often this happens because the teacher simply does not know about the student's characteristics.