Maternal aggression
It’s somehow not customary for us to talk about this side of motherhood. However, this does not mean that such a phenomenon does not exist. Parents, distraught from the child's crying, sometimes completely lose control of themselves, they are ready to do anything to make the child shut up. And, unfortunately, they do. In pediatrics, there is even a concept: concussion injury. A child can get such an injury if he is shaken forcefully in a fit of anger. The consequences are tragic: they include dyslexia, attention deficit disorder, mental retardation and even death.
It turns out that it is impossible to take everything under strict parental control and place it within the strict framework of “correct behavior.” It is then that the parent feels helpless, and as a result, he is overcome by anger, irritation, anger. But how can you cope with your constant internal tension and anxiety? How to prevent aggression towards a child?
What to do?
- If your child has made you hysterical, you feel like you are losing control of yourself and are ready to hit him, tell yourself STOP. Give your child to someone at home and go drink tea, take a shower or call a friend. A trip to the nearest store or just a walk will do. This is better than shaking with anger while diligently performing motherly duties.
- Imagine in color what would have happened if you could not restrain yourself and beat the child, yelled at him, or did something else that you wanted at that moment. Introduced? Isn't it true that a broken cup that you threw against the wall with all your might is a much smaller loss?
- When you come to your senses, return to the baby.
Having calmed down, try to analyze your state. One thing is clear: you are really very tired and you need rest. Try to organize your daily routine so that there is at least some place in it for your personal time. If the baby is already more than three years old, you can try to agree with him that at a certain moment you need to be alone, and then you will definitely return to him. We can say that mom is temporarily “sick” and we need to wait until the intensity of passions subsides.
For a child, such home psychotherapy will also be useful; he learns to respect other people’s feelings. The child may well understand that every person - both big and small - should have time for themselves, their own inner space, which no one can disturb. Gradually, your baby develops a sense of respect for your activities and your time.
You may soon hear from him: “Mommy, I’m busy right now, we’ll talk later” or “I’m drawing now and want to be alone.” Don't be scared or upset! This indicates that the child is growing up, he realizes himself as an independent person - with his own inner world, interests, needs. In addition, using your example, he learns to express in words what is happening to him, what he feels at the moment, which means he can easily tell you about his experiences. From a psychological point of view, this is a very important skill - not to push your feelings deep, but to be able to share them.
It is possible and it is not possible
Be consistent when rewarding and punishing your child. Children must understand what is wanted from them and strictly follow the rules. You must clearly explain the scope of what is permitted:
- permitted actions (for example, the son decides for himself what to spend his pocket money on);
- allowed actions with conditions (you can play on the computer, but after your homework is done);
- unauthorized actions with an exception (during travel you can go to bed later than usual);
- complete ban (no swearing).
It is important for a child that his parents see him growing up and trying to do adult things. No less important is the awareness of children that, in addition to rights, there are also responsibilities, and, in addition to external signs of growing up, there is responsibility for the actions committed.
Become a friend to your children whom they can turn to with requests, come for advice and trust.
If a child were as experienced as an adult, he would not be a child. It is because of the lack of life experience that all disagreements between children and parents occur. This must be remembered constantly, regardless of the reason for disobedience and the age of the child. Don't demand the right actions from children, first help them become more experienced.
Tags: Doesn't listen
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- What to do if a 9 year old child does not listen
One answer
- Irina, my child does the same thing, doesn’t listen and he’s cunning and tries to get into something, but his dream is a Play Station 5 with a fortnite disc, he only likes what he likes and doesn’t like to do his homework and plays without permission
Answer
