Can children hear you? I would be glad to know that the kids always hear and remember your words, advice and valuable instructions. But the reality is that parents constantly discover their children’s inattention, and sometimes even worse - complete ignorance or disobedience.
We often see questions on forums: a child has not obeyed for 3 years, what should I do? Let's talk about why this happens. What are the reasons why children do not hear their parents? And this, in principle, applies to any age, but if the baby is only 3 years old, then everything can be corrected in just a week if you can immediately change the situation yourself.
Why doesn't the child listen?
Do you remember that 70% (and according to some studies up to 90%) of information a person receives through vision? That is, if we look at an object, our brain is already processing information about it. And, even if this glance is superficial, inattentive, it can still occupy thoughts.
Then put yourself in the baby's shoes. He's inquisitive. His brain is like an ever-running vacuum cleaner. He is constantly looking for something he needs to know about. This means that while we are trying to tell the child something, he can be enthusiastically engaged in one activity or another. How attentive do you think he is to us at this moment?
Interesting! The secret of a good speaker, which many charismatic personalities have used, is eye contact. When talking to the audience, they were able to address everyone due to the fact that they looked into the eyes of their interlocutors.
Advice! Do you want your little ones to pay attention to your words? Then:
- Come closer to the baby. If you want, take the baby in your arms.
- Lower yourself in front of him so that your eyes are at the same level.
- Look straight into your eyes.
The facial expression and eyes will tell you:
- how much the little one is now in the mood to talk,
- how interested he is
- what is his mood now?
And most importantly, this will show how serious what you are talking about is.
Three in one
Sometimes we ourselves give out so much information that there is more to do on the weekend. The only difference is that we understand that we risk forgetting some things, so we write them down. So why are we surprised when a child forgets the “list”?
Our requests and TS should be simple and understandable, without unnecessary details, which can often be left to the child’s discretion. All such details can veil the information and make it incomprehensible to the little one.
Imagine! If the instructions (any, for example, a recipe) contained not only instructions on what to mix with what, how to cook or bake, but also a bunch of details. How flour is obtained, how much and how to grow wheat, where they made the nuts for the combine that harvests the crop. And so on for each ingredient. Tell me, what would you understand?
So children won’t understand if you tell them a lot. “Wordiness kills thought.”
Advice! “Lighten” your words and requests if you want them to reach their goal. One request - one action!
The phrase is not correct: “clean up your room, put on your pajamas, brush your teeth and go to bed.” Correct: “Take the toys off the floor.” The child cleaned up and reported. You are well done! Brush your teeth." Etc.
What to do if a 3-year-old child does not obey and behaves badly
The third reason is emotional tirades of many letters.
To clearly demonstrate when we make this mistake, let's imagine this situation: you see that your baby is doing something that could cause him to fall and get a bump. The baby needs to be stopped, and quickly! How? You start saying something quickly and quickly:
- replete with instructions,
- possible consequences,
- examples,
- reminders from your and your baby’s past experiences.
Why is this path to nowhere:
- Kids live “here and now.” They do not have a storage system where they store the memories of their (and especially other people's) mistakes.
- In a moment of excitement, even an adult is unlikely to remember anything. Especially the toddler. He is having fun, and he is not able to analyze anything in the heat of his excitement.
- Many words, spoken emotionally and with speed, merge into one. And how to understand this word and understand what needs to be done?
The Bible says, “If the trumpet makes an uncertain sound, who will prepare for battle?” (1 Corinthians chapter 14, verse 
How can your baby understand what you want and what should he do?
Advice! These 2 questions are important. Answer them briefly and to the point. Then voice your request to the baby: “Don’t jump on the bed”, “Get off the ledge”...
Naughty child 4 years old
Children's disobedience, in most cases, serves as a basis for parents and other adults around them to think about what could be the reason for such behavior or what the baby wanted to say in this way. So, why is the child naughty, what prompts the baby to behave in this manner?
At the age of four, children have usually already successfully overcome the first crisis period of three years. Parents seem to be able to breathe easy, but again their child begins to show disobedience. Parents cannot understand what is happening and why the child does not obey?
The reason for children's disobedience at the age of four may simply be a lack of attention. In this way the baby strives to show that he needs his parents, that he misses them.
Another typical reason for children's disobedience can be an unsuccessful example, which can be either a real child who achieves his goals with such behavior, or a cartoon character whom the child sympathizes with.
A disobedient 4-year-old child requires patience and high perseverance from the adult environment. Often children stage so-called “concerts” in public to get the desired result. After all, they understand that even if one parent scolds them for such behavior, the other will find a reason to protect him. Therefore, in order to correct children's disobedience, it is very important that parents adhere to consistency in the educational strategy and comply with uniform requirements. In other words, either the entire adult environment of the child praises him for a certain action, or, conversely, scolds him.
Children, especially at such a young age, need praise. Therefore, do not spare kind words towards your own child. However, it is necessary to take into account that excessive praise can lead to a completely opposite result, as a result of which the person who grows up is not a self-sufficient person, but an egocentric one with an inflated sense of self-esteem. Therefore, the baby should be praised not for his appearance or toys, but for actual good deeds. The more the adult environment praises the baby for his good deeds, the more he will try. And if any disagreements arise regarding educational issues between parents, they should be discussed so that the baby does not hear.
How to raise a disobedient 4-year-old child? Raising naughty children involves following basic rules. The most important rule is the prohibition on indulging in all children's “wants”. In other words, you should not submit to the child’s unjustified and capricious demands, otherwise, this mechanism for fulfilling his desires will be deposited in his head, as a result of which in the future it will be much more difficult to overcome such behavior in him. Yelling should also not be used as an educational measure. Since this is useless and can only provoke crying or increased hysteria.
It is not recommended to discuss children's behavior among adults in the presence of the person responsible for such discussion. A four-year-old child needs to be explained the required rules of behavior, while the tone of the conversation must remain calm.
Unobvious requests
Sometimes our requests are more like a quest, a multi-step game with which it is not so easy to emerge victorious. We puzzle the baby with questions that he is not able to answer. For example: “do you think the teacher will like it if we are late for school?”, “have you decided to grow a colony of microbes on your hands?”...
To understand, the child will have to:
- carry out logical chains,
- build a connection between the example and what he knows,
- think about what answer we want to hear.
But in the end, he may not come to action. We will see the picture like this: the child does not listen to us.
Advice! Say directly what needs to be done.
If you want to ask your child leading questions, then you should consider several points:
- It is worth talking to the baby in a language he understands. This applies to any information and examples. If the little one doesn’t know something, then either the example needs to be changed or explained.
- Using examples/questions will make the explanation longer. Be prepared not for an instant result, but for a conversation of 10-200 minutes.
- Make multi-step arguments. No one wants to raise a child with dog commands: “lie down, sit, ew.” We want the child to learn to make the right decisions on his own. This can be achieved by teaching your baby to think. How to do it:
- prepare for the conversation in advance;
- think about what is interesting at his age;
- build a conversation from simple/understandable to complex based on the baby’s interest
- Avoid questions with ambiguous answers.
Growing understanding is not built on just one conversation. But you can do it!
Naughty child 6 years old
Why is a child naughty at the age of six? Because he is approaching the onset of another crisis stage. Children begin to try to regulate their own behavior in accordance with the rules. Previously flexible, they suddenly begin to make various kinds of claims for special treatment of their own person, attention to themselves. Their behavior becomes pretentious. In children, on the one hand, a certain demonstrative naivety appears in their behavior, which irritates the adult environment due to the fact that they intuitively perceive it as insincere. On the other hand, the child seems too mature, since he imposes his own standards on adults.
For children, the integrity of intellect and affect disintegrates. Therefore, this stage is characterized by the presence of exaggerated forms of behavior. The child cannot control his own feelings (does not control emotional manifestations, does not know how to restrain them). After all, the previous forms of behavior have already been lost to him, and new ones have not yet been acquired by the baby.
The basic need of this stage is respect. Any child reveals claims to respect for his own person, to be treated like an adult, to recognition of his own sovereignty. If such a need is not satisfied, it is impossible to build a relationship with this person based on understanding. Children are open to understanding only if they are respected.
At the age of six, children begin to learn to satisfy their own physical and spiritual needs in ways that are acceptable to them and their environment. Difficulties in learning new ideas and norms of behavior can provoke the emergence of unjustified self-restraints and excessive self-control. E. Erikson argued that children at this stage are striving to quickly discover such behavioral forms that will help them include their own desires and interests within socially acceptable boundaries. He formulated the essence of confrontation with the formula “initiative in spite of guilt.”
Encouraging children's independence contributes to the formation of their intellectual sphere and initiative. In cases where manifestations of children's independence are constantly accompanied by bad luck or children are subjected to unnecessarily severe punishments for any offenses, a predominance of feelings of guilt may appear over the desire for independence and responsibility.
A capricious, disobedient child at 6 years old may appear due to a discrepancy between the parental attitude and the desires and potential of the children. That is why parents should think about the validity of all prohibitions and the need to give their child a little more freedom to express his independence.
It is also advisable to change your own attitude towards the child. After all, he is no longer the little baby he was before. Therefore, you need to be careful about his judgments and positions.
How to deal with a disobedient 6-year-old child? A commanding tone at the age of six and moralizing are ineffective, so it is necessary to try not to force the child, but to influence him with convictions, reason and analyze with him the possible consequences of his actions.
Often, ordinary humor in communication and optimism help to improve parent-child relationships.
Prohibition commands
Imagine, but you yourself can suggest to the little one the scenario for his pampering! When a baby hears some information, he sees it in a picture. You say: don't climb the tree! The child sees him climbing on him. And he already wants to do it. He may not even have time to stop himself from climbing.
Advice! Get rid of the word “not.” If you want a specific result, voice it. Don't want your little one to climb trees, but want him to play in the clearing? Just say: “play in the clearing.”
Is it possible to give in to a child?
Children, even at an early age, are quite smart. Therefore, they quickly realize that they are constantly being inferior. But adults should not give in, especially if their child makes a scene. In situations where a 3-year-old child does not obey, Evgeniy Olegovich Komarovsky, a famous doctor and writer, recommends that adults ignore tantrums and other inappropriate behavior. Children's crying and whims test the strength of their parents' nerves. If you remain calm and do not react in any way, the impact of hysteria will be postponed until the next incident, and over time it will be completely forgotten.
Of course, you need to approach everything wisely and in some cases give in to your baby, because he is just learning about this world. According to experts in the field of psychology, those things that contribute to the development of character and help to remain safe should always remain unshakable. For example, a child should know from an early age that it is forbidden to play on the road, run a red light, play with fire, or make noise in a public place. You can and should give in to the little one if he is sick. At such moments, children should receive special support and attention. If a child wants a desired toy, then it should not be bought on demand, but, for example, for the next holiday. This way the baby will learn to understand that everything costs money and is not given for nothing.
Radio Liberty
One of the most common mistakes parents make is lack of action. You can say it 100,500 times, but it will be perceived as the background sound of a radio. And you can ignore this.
Advice! Ask your baby a maximum of 3 times:
- Voice your request. If there is no response from the baby, come up and make sure that he heard you.
- Repeat your request clearly. And warn that if there is no action on the part of the baby, sanctions will be imposed on him.
- The last time the request should be accompanied by sanctions: “I warned you, what will happen if you don’t do this?”
This way you will give your requests weight and give yourself respect in the eyes of the little one.
But don’t try to control your baby’s behavior too often. Only in key moments! The Bible says: “ye, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up.” Frequent requests with or without reason can irritate and drive anyone into forced “deafness.”
Causes of tantrums at the age of 3 years
- Emotional and physical stress.
It is from this age that children begin to go to kindergarten . Being without mom and dad in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers and adults, is a great test for a nervous system that has not yet formed.
Another reason for overexertion is too many new experiences . Even when they are extremely positive, they still act as an emotional burden for a small organism.
- Strictness in education.
The child is not able to immediately finish the game or other important matters in his understanding, and therefore the requirement to immediately do as the parents need, numerous prohibitions and coercions cause resentment and irritability, which the child is not always able to cope with without hysterics.
- Imitation.
At the age of three years, children do not yet have their own established line of behavior. They easily adopt the behavior they see among their peers as the norm, and they become hysterical for any reason if they have observed such behavior in others .
- To attract attention.
The child may feel that little time is being given . They don't play enough or they just want more affection and tenderness . A fairly common reason in families with two or more children.
- Bad feeling.
It is still difficult for small children at the age of three to explain where and what hurts. The state of malaise is often accompanied by tearfulness, apathy and irritability, even hysterics.
- Physiological reason.
The child could not get enough sleep , be tired , or simply want to eat , and therefore be in a tearful state, prone to hysteria.
Scream
For many adults, it costs nothing to switch to screaming. This is how they want to show their strength and power. But what happens in the end:
- The scream frightens and leads to pressure. As a result, the baby will do what you “asked”, but will not understand why it is necessary. This means that it will force us to scream again and again.
- You will model the erroneous behavior pattern of having to shout to be heard. Very soon your baby will be screaming at everything, even at you, when you don't hear him.
- Your words in a calm tone will be worthless.
- You can even get used to endless yelling and not notice it.
As you can see, this is a dead-end line in the development of communication. But you can get out of it.
Advice! Learn to calm down, see the consequences of your words and actions, control yourself. Sometimes a whisper has a stronger effect!
