Why does a husband insult and humiliate his wife? Psychology

You need to start with the fact that you have one life, it belongs to you, and no one has the right to spoil it. It has been proven that mental violence causes more harm than physical violence. Moral torture of a person can be expressed in hurtful words spoken in a fit of aggression, but not necessarily. There is a hidden form when the words themselves are not offensive, but the intonation, facial expressions and gestures that accompany them cause pain.

Women often ask themselves why a husband insults and humiliates his wife. Psychology says it's not about women at all. The processes that occur in the depths of the male psyche are to blame. Methods to correct the situation may include love or standing up for your rights. Sometimes radical measures are required, including the help of a specialist.

Aggressive behavior occurs under various circumstances:

Under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
When spouses are alone.
On a sober head.
In front of strangers or in front of your own children.

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Reasons why a husband insults and humiliates his wife

Psychologists identify 7 main reasons why a man insults his significant other:

This model of relationship is the norm for him. The husband grew up amid quarrels between his parents. I saw how my father offended my mother. He simply does not know any other behavior.
Low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority. A man suffers from complexes, is jealous, envies, so he tries to convince his wife that she is scary and stupid. Thus, he puts her on the same level as himself, which makes him feel better.
A difficult period in life. The husband is afraid that if he shares his experiences, he will fall in the eyes of his lady. However, negativity accumulates and finds outlet in rudeness.
The answer to the frequent question of why a husband insults and humiliates his wife may be - there is no more love. Psychologists believe that if he constantly yells, humiliates and does not show tenderness, then it is likely that love has passed. It’s already difficult to influence anything here; it all depends on his personal qualities.
Comparison, for example, with an ex is not in favor of the current spouse. It is important to understand that you are not “different” at all, not bad. Everything said is his subjective assessment and nothing more.
Sometimes a husband’s aggression is caused by his wife’s provocations. For example, she puts the interests of others as a priority, forgetting about the desires of her husband. Perhaps the woman abuses alcohol, wears provocative clothes, or insults her husband's relatives.
A man simply does not know how to achieve what he wants in other ways.

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How to raise a woman's self-esteem. Psychologist's advice

Why does a husband humiliate his wife? Reasons for this behavior and solutions to the problem

As a rule, the cause of a man’s irritation is everyday problems, the solution of which falls on his shoulders. With such strains, not all men can adequately bear the load. As a result, tension in the form of insults and profanity falls on the woman. Love fades into the background, pleasant periods of life are forgotten.

Often, humiliation falls on a spouse because of the desire to get a divorce and force her to take this step first. After all, in such cases it is always more pleasant for a man to feel like a victim.

Psychologists also put forward a number of factors due to which a husband regularly insults his wife...

The cause of irritation may be everyday problems Photo: Depositphotos

If similar relationships developed in the husband’s family. It happens that a man, even in childhood, absorbed into himself a pattern of disrespectful attitude of father towards mother. Some psychologists say that a man cannot be blamed for not having positive life experiences.

If feelings for your wife have cooled . In every family, there is periodic cooling in relationships. Here you need to develop measures to restore relationships in a couple. But the trick is that both spouses must put effort into this. Initiative alone will not be enough, and the marriage will fail.

If a mistress appeared . In such situations, the husband deliberately humiliates his wife so that she cannot stand it and leaves, giving him the opportunity to build a new relationship.

If respect for your wife has disappeared . There could be many reasons for this. Often during the maternity period, the husband does not receive enough attention and begins to feel unnecessary.

If a man constantly compares his wife with other women. Such situations manifest themselves in “mama’s boys”, who imagine that a wife should cherish her husband, as his mother did.

Perhaps the husband’s feelings for his wife have passed Photo: Depositphotos

Often the cause of bitterness is hidden in jealousy and internal complexes. Therefore, humiliation of the wife becomes a method of self-affirmation. For such a man, the people around him become enemies worthy of insult. In such cases, one should expect that the humiliation will become even more pronounced if the wife becomes successful at work.

If there is a disrespectful attitude on the part of the wife . We should expect aggression on the part of the husband if the wife controls his every move, demands reports, checks pockets, things and phone, clings to little things and criticizes her husband in everything.

There is sexual and emotional dissatisfaction . A man feels that his wife does not love him, so the object for which he is ready to perform heroic deeds disappears.

Problems accumulate, due to which negativity accumulates . A woman becomes an object for venting resentment in cases where a man does not receive support from her or her opinion does not matter to him.

How to get out of this situation? What do psychologists advise?

A woman, having critically assessed her behavior, must correct her mistakes and enter into the role of a loving wife. But if the situation continues to manifest itself negatively, psychologists advise:

The best advice to women is to take care of yourself, no matter how difficult it is, break away from your husband and come up with new things to do. Photo: Depositphotos

1. Leave home, do not communicate with your husband on the phone, do not meet . Perhaps under such circumstances sobering up will occur. Then it’s worth explaining to your husband that she likes to live in peace more, so he should reconsider his attitude towards her. In the future, you should not make concessions, respect your dignity. At the same time, generously help your husband cope with the negativity.

2. Do not get into an argument with your husband in moments of aggression . You need to wait until he is exhausted and then explain to him that you are not offended by swear words, since they do not correspond to reality. The wife must say that she is ready to support him, provided that aggressive hysterics will not be repeated.

3. Do not blame your husband for all everyday difficulties . If a wife blames her husband for difficulties, he then begins to take his anger out on her.

4. Don’t let the situation take its course and don’t think that everything will gradually work out . You need to talk to your husband and tell him that his words hurt. It is possible that he does not even suspect it. The situation is sadder when the spouse derives pleasure from aggression. This can be found out in conversation.

5. Do not endure humiliation humbly and silently . The feeling of impunity will certainly lead to the fact that the insults will continue to escalate, not paying attention to the presence of children and strangers.

6. You can’t cry or become hysterical in front of your husband . As a rule, by humiliating and insulting, this is exactly what he achieves. The best behavior would be stable indifference to aggression.

7. You should not commit treason . Intuitively, a woman, feeling defenseless, begins to look for love on the side. Psychologists do not advise resorting to such hasty solutions to the problem, as they can become the final point of rupture in relationships that you can still try to save.

The situation will not improve on its own; the conflict will need to be resolved Photo: Depositphotos

Therefore, the wife should emphasize that she is not satisfied with aggression and humiliation on the part of her husband. You can threaten divorce, but there is a possibility of the opposite situation, when a financially dependent wife receives a threat of divorce in case of disobedience.

But if humiliation continues constantly, then you should not hold on to such a person. Feel free to leave! Any woman is worthy of respect. And she will definitely meet someone who will appreciate her!

Tags: humiliation, couple relationships, problem solving

Husband insults and humiliates his wife in front of children

If a man allows himself to be rude in the presence of children, then there is no time to think about why the husband insults and humiliates his wife. Negativity in the home destroys the child’s psyche and health.

Start by talking to the man about whether he understands that he is ruining the lives of his own children. When such methods are not helpful, it makes sense to consult a psychologist. If psychotherapy is ineffective, there is only one way out - to put an end to the relationship that is destructive for you and your child.

Why does a husband insult his wife in front of his mistress?

A man, like a woman, needs someone to cry to. He cannot tell family friends or relatives what a “bad” wife he has. As a result, instead of having an honest conversation with his wife, he finds an outlet in the person of a strange woman.

The only correct way in this situation is a direct conversation with him. There is no point in blaming or reproaching him, as he will simply go on the defensive. The purpose of the conversation should be to identify the reasons for his dissatisfaction and find a compromise. Remind him that he has no one closer to you and cannot be.

How to behave if your husband is abusive

Before you make a decision, you need to understand:

The reason for rude behavior.
Is there respect, love in the relationship and will it be better without it?
How frequent are conflict situations?
Does your husband have complexes and does he copy the behavior model?
Are the insults mutual?
In what state are insults poured from the lips of the faithful: sober or drunk?

How to behave when your husband insults and humiliates

When deciding what to do, decide for yourself:

The reason for the rudeness.
Is there love, respect, will it be better without him - in short, is there something worth saving the relationship for?
How regular are conflicts?
Are there complexes and inheritance of behavior patterns from the spouse?
Are the offensive attacks mutual?
To understand why a husband insults and humiliates his wife, you need to take into account whether scandals occur in a sober or drunken state.

Read also:

How to learn not to take negativity and words to heart. Psychologist's advice

Will love help

If two people love and the wife knows the reason for her husband’s aggression, psychology recommends doing the following:

Respond to evil with good. In response to offensive attacks, say kind words so that his conscience does not allow him to continue the attacks. Several repetitions of this situation will cure a man of boorish behavior.
In moments when curses fall on you, say directly and sincerely that it is very painful for you to hear this from the person you love most.
Don't do things that provoke negativity. Of course, if these things are not vital for you.
Present the information correctly. For example, you received a promotion. Start the story by saying that only next to such a wonderful husband could you achieve success.
Create comfortable conditions for your spouse, justifying this with your sincere desire to make him happy. Probably, the topic of why a husband insults and humiliates his wife will no longer be necessary.
Psychology recommends showing tact when talking about his surroundings, tastes and habits.

Isn't it time to answer the insult?

You cannot put up with humiliation if:

Negativity manifests itself in the presence of children.
Due to constant mental stress, your health suffers.
Apart from aggressive behavior, the man does not recognize any other behavior.

Read also: How to put your mother-in-law in her place. Psychologist's advice

Advice from a psychologist on how to put your husband in his place

Even if you haven't decided on divorce, take more than a couple of weeks to scare the person. During this time, interrupt all contact and do not answer calls. Then give him a chance to rehabilitate himself, but be strict. Your spouse must understand that a quiet life without his insults is preferable to you. Now the fate of your relationship depends on his willingness to change. If a man wants to change, no longer reproach him for the past. Help him in his quest.
In moments of aggression, do not try to understand why the husband insults and humiliates his wife. Psychologists advise just going for a walk with your children. When the storm subsides, calmly explain to your husband that you do not take what he said personally, that you understand the severity of his mental state and are ready to help. However, if this behavior is repeated, your family will certainly be destroyed.
Organize a tough and honest conversation with your husband, in which a number of questions will be voiced. Communication should take place in private, but in a public place to avoid outbursts of anger.

What to ask an abusive spouse

Does he understand that he is causing psychological trauma to children? Does he know that children are afraid of him? Does he realize his responsibility to them?
Does he love you? If he loves, then why does he do this? How long, in his opinion, can you tolerate his rudeness.
What is his problem? What made him assert himself so much? Is he ready to accept help?

You need to ask questions without any hint of fear of his reaction.

When you can’t do without the support of a psychologist

It is not always possible to understand why a husband insults and humiliates his wife without a psychologist. You need to seek help if:

A man is only aggressive when he is drunk.
In addition to verbal humiliation, physical humiliation is used.
There are serious mental disorders.
The couple tries to solve the problem, but to no avail.

When to end a relationship

There is no point in saving the family if:

Your husband doesn't love you anymore. It no longer plays a significant role why this happened - on its own or because of another woman.
All methods of elimination, including contacting a psychologist, have been used, but the situation has not changed.
Against the backdrop of the man’s behavior, health problems begin in the child.
There is an understanding that everyone in the family is not living their own lives, the family is unhappy.
You no longer love your spouse.

Breaking off a relationship is never easy, but especially after 50 years. I would like to find out why the husband insults and humiliates his wife, and to solve the problem peacefully. It’s scary for a woman to imagine growing old alone. And it’s not easy to throw away decades of married life. But think, is this the kind of person you want to see at your bedside in 30 years?

Why do I insult my husband?

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Failure to accept responsibility

Life consists of a continuous series of choices and events that do not always turn out to be successful. The family has little money, they didn’t go on vacation, reality turned out to be different from expectations, the husband turned out to be different than at the beginning of the relationship. Obviously, at least part of all the troubles lies with the wife. But accepting this means accepting responsibility for what is happening. Just imagine, you have some idea of what a family should be like. Have you dreamed about this, have you planned something, perhaps since childhood, watched how your parents’ relationships work, it became very important for you, you get married and... everything turns out not to be as you planned? Could you be so mistaken about what is most intimate and dear?

Well, perhaps some will accept this truth, but many will most likely decide that they have nothing to do with it at all. Because the guilt and shame can be completely unbearable. So who is to blame for all this? Well, of course, the one who should have realized all these dreams, but did not.

In general, it turns out that a wife in such a situation can essentially make her husband a scapegoat. And since the wife doesn’t really understand what’s going on, the husband understands even less. He begins to worry, to think that everything is because of him, he becomes nervous, twitchy, depressed, unbalanced and, of course, this behavior fully confirms his wife’s hypothesis that it is he who is to blame for everything.

Just because

Or maybe you just want to let off some steam. Sometimes it's a bad day. The boss is a beast, but you can’t yell at him. And you feel like complete crap because of this, ashamed that you cannot answer anything. You're suffering. So we need to make someone else guilty. An innocent husband is perfect - and it’s safe to yell at him and, in general, he’s to blame for everything (if you remember it properly).

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There is a reason

Of course, sometimes it is difficult to restrain yourself in response to some trick, such as betrayal. However, you shouldn’t make this a torture for your husband for the rest of his life. You must either forgive him completely and completely, of course, with the retaking of the oaths of allegiance, or break up and not make a victim out of yourself, not out of him.

Technically

Technically, if you insult your husband, it means you think that you can do it, you have the right to do it, and nothing will come from it. Perhaps in the family it was customary to treat men as second-class people, like “What can we take from them...” and this became the basis for communication with men (even a value), you probably believe that you have the right to do this with your husband, you now consider him your property, that is, you own him, manage him, and he must do what he is told.

There are many men who believe that putting their life in the hands of their wife is a completely acceptable alternative to independence for them. Then, we can say that in such a family there will be some kind of stable, although not entirely healthy, system. If a man is inclined to resist insults (and other types of psychological violence that always go hand in hand), then the likelihood that such a marriage will break up is quite high. Such insults as a type of abuse are always based on deep human attitudes and take quite a long time to correct, months and years. Therefore, few marriages survive to this point, not to mention the fact that the “sediment” remains for a long time.

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Andrey Petrakov

This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment

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Advice from a psychologist if your husband calls you names and humiliates you

Women who endure constant rudeness from a loved one should take into account the recommendations of experts:

Don't expect your spouse's behavior to change on its own.
Don't keep your anger inside, pretending to be a caring wife.
Don't respond to humiliation with humiliation.
Don't do things that are unacceptable to you.
Remember that you can re-educate a person only if he himself wants it.
Don’t be tormented by thoughts about why your husband insults and humiliates his wife, and don’t convince yourself that such family relationships are the norm.

It is important to remember that family life without quarrels and insults is impossible. People learn to avoid this over the years, gaining experience and working on themselves. Therefore, if conflicts are isolated and relationships subsequently improve, then the best way is a heart-to-heart conversation.

What psychologists advise

The decision to stay and endure or to leave will not be made for a woman by any consultant or doctor. She is responsible for her life; specialists can only guide and suggest a way to solve the problem. The most important advice that psychology can give is that you need to love yourself first, and only then your husband. Therefore, you should not be afraid to ask for help. Abuse is a serious problem and one cannot turn a blind eye to it.

It happens that a woman is forced to endure moral violence only because she has no one and nowhere to go. There is a way out in this case:

Phone numbers for anonymous psychological help. They employ professionals who will not judge, but will help with advice.

Call the helpline

Services for victims of violence. Usually in this case we are talking about physical violence, but with severe abuse they will help here. Such services help women get a divorce and rebuild their lives after it.
Centers for mothers with children. Children are often the “leash” on which a wife is held. The above-mentioned centers provide temporary shelter to mothers with children who find themselves in a hopeless situation. They help them gain freedom and survive after receiving it.

Moral humiliation is definitely a negative phenomenon. Its results range from resentment and deterioration of relationships to real hatred. Meanwhile, this is not the feeling that spouses need. A normal healthy family is built on trust, mutual respect and constructive dialogue; we must strive for this ideal.