The wife does not value or respect her husband: how to restore authority. For most couples, this leads to divorce. How to restore the position of the head of the family and save it from collapse.
A modern man can earn good money, be very brave and decisive in life, but in the family he cannot have the slightest respect from first his wife and then his children. This is a life disaster, first for the henpecked person, and then for the offspring, since growing up in such a family environment, children have a number of psychological problems in the future.
This article is a very valuable treasure trove of wisdom that you will not find anywhere else on the Internet (unless, of course, it is stolen from). Why valuable? Because 90% of psychologists and trainers give completely ridiculous advice that leads to only one thing - divorce.
Some of these incorrect advice include:
- Drive your wife into strict boundaries;
- In an icy voice, demand to cook borscht;
- Threaten with divorce, show serious intentions for this (the wife should be scared of this);
- Disappear for a week or a couple of days, live separately;
- Beat your wife;
- In front of the neighbors, list all her shortcomings;
And so on. Such methods almost never give the desired result, other than aggravating the conflict. This is especially terrible if a man is nothing special about himself, his wife is downtrodden and tired, and he expects humiliation, threats and sudden harsh commands to suddenly correct her.
If the wife is already determined to break up, then such recommendations from defenders of male honor will only lead to divorce.
Remember: male authority can always be restored
. And any marriage can be saved. The problem is that many men do not understand the correct model of behavior in a modern family.
Why does a wife's behavior change after marriage?
Surely everything was fine with you before the wedding. She was sweet, yielded, admired you, but after several years of cohabitation she turned into a hysteric and a vixen. Various trainers on male psychology call the wife’s past behavior “demo mode”, and say that when she “turns it off”, it is useless to correct everything. This is usually not true.
The wife's changed bad behavior can be caused by various reasons. This could be physical fatigue, hormonal imbalance, internal depression against the background of age-related changes or childbirth, or personal crises.
All men should remember about the physiological and personal factors before they begin to raise their spouse.
Remember one very important truth:
If a child cries and misbehaves because he is tired, it is useless to scold and spank him, he will only yell more. He needs to be consoled and put to sleep, and educated when he comes to his senses.
Very often, the man himself provokes his wife’s incorrect behavior through his inaction and concessions. He initially set himself up as a non-conflict equal partner, constantly endured whims, left family management to chance, spoiled his wife, voluntarily took on most of the responsibilities around the house, and thus himself dropped his authority through the floor.
Responsibilities of a wife in the family
A woman is the keeper of the hearth, the soul of the family. It’s not for nothing that the proverb says “the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck.” Orthodox norms most closely correspond to this attitude. In marriage, a woman does not take the main role; she is a helper, inspirer and friend of her lover. And this is the first setting of behavior.
But Orthodoxy also highlights others:
- Procreation, raising children and caring for them is the direct responsibility of the spouse.
- Loyalty to her husband remains unshakable under any circumstances. After marriage, even a woman’s thoughts do not go to someone else. The wife submits to her husband, and the husband to the Lord. Therefore, cheating on your husband is tantamount to cheating on the Lord.
- A wife should be afraid of offending her husband and causing him pain. Therefore, her responsibilities include honoring, respecting and caring for her loved one.
- A wife’s obedience is a guarantee of a happy family life, so a woman should listen to a man and agree with him. You cannot challenge your spouse's decisions or argue vigorously. You always need to think what is more important: rightness or happiness?
- A wife must have hard work and good morals.
In Islam there is a different set of responsibilities. The main thing is love for your husband. There are no prohibitions on the attraction of two hearts, if they do not violate the tenets of faith, therefore spouses must marry for love and preserve this love throughout their lives. First of all, the wife maintains the flame of passion.
But faith also implies a list of other duties:
The birth and upbringing of children falls on the shoulders of the mother. The “fruits of love” should grow in a favorable environment of comfort, respect among family members for each other and reverence for the Almighty. A woman must be faithful. Her beauty, internal and external, belongs only to one man - her husband. You must prioritize your spouse's rights over your own. His word is law and must be obeyed, even to the detriment of one’s interests. You need to be happy with what your husband is able to bring into the house. The Lord himself gives him the means, therefore it is sinful to grumble about a difficult situation or to reproach a husband for laziness and lack of money. It is always necessary to perform marital duties in bed
Exceptions are days of menstruation, cleansing after childbirth, illness. It is important to take care of honor, fast, be meek, and follow the rules of Sharia. It is forbidden to raise your voice to your spouse. You cannot spend your husband’s personal money on your own needs, or simply “throw money away.” A thrifty wife is the ideal of thrift.
The officer's wife is burdened with an equally impressive list of responsibilities:
Loyalty to your spouse must be absolute. Attention and care for your spouse are your primary responsibilities. All household chores in the absence of the spouse become the responsibilities of the wife. Washing, cooking, ironing and raising children are the complete responsibility of the wife. It is important to notify your officer of the status of the case. It is important to help your husband in word and deed; mockery and ridicule should not be allowed. Do not visit entertainment venues without your spouse, do not leave guests late on your husband’s day off. Family secrets should remain within the family. The wife approves the family budget and monitors its proper distribution.
Household responsibilities are the same for all women and are known; it is necessary:
- Know how to do laundry and cook.
- Solve minor household problems independently.
- Wipe dust, wash floors, ceilings, walls and other surfaces.
- Washing dishes is the wife's responsibility, but the husband can take over.
Thus, the responsibilities of spouses to each other simplify family life and strengthen the union
It doesn't hurt to modify some of the list items to suit your needs, but it's important to remember that love, respect, and caring for each other are the mandatory and primary rules of any family.
Useful video
Deer syndrome
There is no need to blame yourself for this. Deer syndrome is the scourge of modern men.
Our society is patriarchal, slave, it cannot live without a leader
. Everyone remembers what the country turned into after the establishment of democracy. People were given freedom, but instead of using it correctly, they began to drink, take drugs, and start a crime. Most of our wives have Soviet, not European, thinking; they do not understand the basics of democratic partnership, so they subconsciously expect management from their husbands.
Young husbands in Russia do not understand that their wives need to be managed, they need to constantly educate them, and they need to spend their time and energy on this. This often happens due to the fact that husbands in Russia were raised by mothers, while fathers worked hard from morning to night.
When a husband is too lazy to educate, the relationship deteriorates, the wife drives her husband under her thumb, begins to act stupid herself, and makes the whole family suffer.
Managing a family is difficult, but going through these difficulties will make you a leader with a stable psyche
. You will grow morally if you take care of your family - this is a guarantee.
You have to fight for your family, there’s no other way.
First installation:
your wife is a difficult teenager, and you are a teacher
.
You should engage in re-education of your spouse with a minimum of emotions. This is a long process, but it will be fruitful if you do it.
When should you give in and when should you not? How to respond to tantrums?
Most wives are very easily manipulated by their husbands. For example, they throw tantrums, they can threaten suicide, children, or whatever.
Here we must very clearly distinguish what causes this hysteria. If it is clear that real tears are flowing, that the woman is tired, tired, has lost control of herself, is twitching, squealing, then beating her or admonishing her with words is pointless.
In such cases, no matter how difficult it may be, it is better to just hug and feel sorry. Be silent, caress her, so that the wife’s emotions are released. Let her rest, sleep, feed her. You need to talk later, when contact has appeared, and she will come to her senses.
The women are very weak now; they can barely cope with one child. But criticism, scolding, and harsh reactions do not make them stronger. It’s not for you in the army to push those who are lagging behind by kicking them. Understand this: women think differently! Advisers are tough to build a woman - into the firebox!
You need to give in in the following cases:
- When a wife is unable to control her emotions. The teacher stretches the grade for a weak student so that he believes in himself, or deliberately does not ask and allows him to sit out.
- When the wife's arguments are truly reasonable. The student suggested the right decision to the teacher, who praised him, gave him an A, and allowed him not to stay for an after-school period.
If you don’t control yourself, then it’s better to leave the house and wait a couple of hours outside until everything calms down. The main thing is to avoid large-scale family scenes and not descend into shouting and beatings. It's in your own legal interests
, and the children’s psyche will be healthier.
A great way to respond to tantrums is to boycott. Be silent for a couple of days, during this period her emotions will fade away, thinking will begin to dominate over hysteria.
Otherwise, to restore authority, the gradual introduction of rules and principles by which the family should exist is necessary.
Restoring authority
It is impossible to immediately restore authority. But we need to take this course without delay. Gradual reforms are the key to success.
So, what is necessary in restoring respect from a wife:
- Be silent. Talk less, work more. Conciseness and poise immediately raise male authority.
- Determine her responsibilities. Give tasks (start with small ones), praise when she completes them, encourage her with small gifts if she does something bad or doesn’t do it - punish, but in such a way as not to lead to a scandal. Gradually transfer all women's responsibilities around the house to her;
- Develop a strategy for family development (ask about her dreams, desires, draw up a plan for their implementation, show that she will reach heights with you), constantly show the dynamics of development so that you do not look like an empty talker;
- Take care of children - sports, activities, walks, develop them, be a good father, but also control the upbringing of the mother;
- Give your wife at least some personal time, especially for rest and sleep;
- Take on men's responsibilities around the house, demonstrate the importance of doing them, teach them to respect your work;
- Stop criticism of yourself. This is a taboo, a prohibition, a law, and its violation leads to disaster. You can always make suggestions, but you can’t condemn them. This opinion must be reinforced by any means (conversations, jokes, deeds);
- You need to let your wife know that you are taking the situation into your own hands. Constantly emphasize that you are the head of the family, and she is your beloved deputy.
- Dominate in sex, do it hard, actively, you can even do it with an animal roar;
In addition, it is very important to gradually move to financial management, that is, to give your salary in portions, to take payment of utilities and large expenses into your own hands (if she was previously involved in this). It’s difficult to do this right away if your spouse used to manage your salary, but at least gradually lead and prepare for this.
If the spouse works, she must bear part of the family expenses.
It is very important to start personal growth immediately
. Do push-ups, watch your figure, give up your family's panties and holey socks, smell good, be fit. The teacher must look ideal, behave ideally, control emotions and control the student.
I don't respect my husband
Hello. I'm married. We have been living with my husband for about 7 years, officially married for 4 years. Have no children. I have my own problems in gynecology, and my husband, as it turned out, also had bad test results. The problem is that I no longer respect my husband, he annoys me and I periodically want to get a divorce. We started communicating with my husband on social networks. He and I come from the same place, so we knew about each other’s existence, but we didn’t know each other personally. He is a military man, so from the age of 18 he did not live with his parents, and at that time he lived at his place of service for about 7 years. I always wanted a serious, brave, real man. And when I met him, that’s how he seemed to me. By that time, he had been living on his own for a long time, working, and not depending on anyone. At first, we communicated at a distance and I imagined him the way he talked about himself. Then several months of dating and I went to live with him. At first everything was fine, but now for a long time I have been haunted by thoughts of divorce.
1. He is a driven person, he does not have his own opinion.
2. He cries too much for a man. After our scandal, he may shed tears.
3. For 6 years, we’ve probably had sex 1-2 times a month, or even less often.
4. There is almost never any initiative from him for sex.
5. Intimacy lasts about 2 minutes at most. There is no variety. No publicity. He's not trying to please. He never even takes off my T-shirt/shirt (basically a “top”) from me.
6. He cannot and does not know how to do any man's work (for example, assemble furniture).
7. Intrudes into my affairs in the kitchen. Although he doesn't know how to cook. He is mainly interested in the order there and the washed dishes.
8. Constantly complains about his work and brings all problems from work home.
He has already changed several places of service and there is something he doesn’t like everywhere.
9. Does not develop. Silly. You need to guide him everywhere.
10. Not greedy. Well, at the same time, he keeps the money for himself. And he controls everything.
11. She’s annoying because she writes/calls a hundred times a day, or if she’s at home, she asks, “Do you love me?”, “Did you miss me?” etc.
12. Loves only himself and thinks only for himself.
13. If I need help and support, he will twist everything in such a way that he seems to feel even worse at that moment.
14. There is no support from him, he can complain and I listen to him, advise him, support him. And when I complain to him about something, he simply replies, “Well, how do I know what to tell you.”
15. Doesn't rejoice at my successes.
16. Doesn't give compliments.
17. Doesn’t want to develop himself, he’s lazy.
While I was writing all the points, I was horrified at how many disadvantages there were for me. But I don't know what to do. He annoys me more and more. But I can’t leave and get a divorce, because I feel sorry for him. Please advise what to do?
I don’t love my husband, I don’t know what to do! (1 answer)
