The wife does not want intimacy with her husband: reasons and solution to the problem

Differences in the perception of sex between women and men

Intimate relationships for a man are a physiological need. Of course, for representatives of the stronger sex, sex is also associated with the sphere of emotions, but not to the same extent as for their wives. For ladies, intimacy is more than just the merging of bodies. Wives see in it one of the components of mutual love, affection and unity of souls. Any change in a relationship with a man automatically affects all areas of interaction, including sex.

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Women perceive intimate life emotionally, therefore, without the proper psychological mood and harmonious atmosphere, they cannot enter into intimacy. Men do not experience such a wide range of complex emotions; the main arousing factor for them is visual and tactile stimulus. For wives, sexual attraction arises precisely from the right emotional state.

Understanding these differences makes it possible to harmonize the sphere of sex and prevent the emergence of disagreements on this basis.

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You never know what happens to people: stress, poor health, troubles at work. But if the situation drags on, and you have to beg your husband for warmth and affection in your own bed for months, then it’s time to ring the bells. Not very loudly, of course: the piercing howl of a siren will scare away the last fluids in the soul and body of a man, even if they still remained.

So, we need to decide on the level of hopelessness of the problem. There are only two of them: the end of a relationship and a break, giving a respite and a chance for a new outbreak. In any of these cases, most of the useful tips in this article will turn out to be universal: both options require not to lose shape, self-esteem and respect from the partner, even if his desire is lost forever.

First, stop the hysteria . Panic attacks, scenes of jealousy, angry choking and other accompaniments of such situations are normal and standard occurrences. Even for those ladies whom others consider to have cold reptilian blood, and their husbands consider frigid statues, similar periods are painful and painful. There is always a place for wounded pride, if not love.

Therefore, do breathing exercises . count to ten, buy some rags, get drunk with a friend and cry into her shoulder, in the end. Just don’t torment your man with ugly scenes, losing your face in his eyes and the remnants of warm friendly, if not sexual, relationships.

A rare exception: if your husband is a pathological masochist or a very peculiar extreme person, then a little thrashing may stir up old desires. But here you need to be very careful: these games are not to everyone’s liking, and two or three random “reconciliations” will slightly correct the weather in the house, but the general climate will remain the same.

So, you are outwardly calm and ready to reason, plan and correct the situation. Your heart beats steady or almost steady. The fight for your husband begins!

If you are a young mother, then the lack of intimacy is an easily explainable thing. A beloved but restless baby requires all your attention, and when the tired breadwinner comes home, then his father’s too. Physical and moral strength is running out, and the bed evokes associations only with sound sleep. If you don’t have a separate nursery, then the new father, who is unaccustomed to a small roommate, may become completely withdrawn. He already has in his arsenal a baby whining at the most inopportune moment, a wife dying of fatigue, who, moreover, does not have time to take care of herself, and, God forbid, a mother-in-law or mother behind a thin wall. In such a situation, the main thing is to survive, and there is no time for libido.

• Such cases are by no means hopeless if your husband is not of that nasty breed who may stop loving you because you have gained weight after childbirth or the shape of, say, your breasts has changed. Unfortunately, there are quite a lot of such complete egoists. And, no matter how painful it may be for you to lose such a husband, his loss will be your step towards a normal life.

But let's be optimistic: although your husband doesn't want his wife, he loves her. Ask your mother, mother-in-law, neighbor, friend or nanny to take the baby to your place at least for the evening. Use this time wisely: take a fragrant bath, clean yourself up, light candles and order dinner from a restaurant if you haven’t had time to prepare anything edible. Seduce your husband like a movie femme fatale. He will probably be so stunned by surprise that your victory should be easy.

It often happens that a husband would like a wife, but cannot: constant fatigue after work, work stress and various similar problems. In most cases, the culprit in this situation is work. In this case, the husband is physically and mentally exhausted. There is an unbearable burden of worries on his shoulders, his bosses are sitting on his head, his car’s engine is acting up. Moreover, my idiot son brought home three D's in math - and why is he so stupid!

Most likely, he will withdraw into himself and would prefer to spend any free minute alone - at the computer or with a book in his hands, rather than in bed with his wife. Because in this state, the thought of sex is associated with another frightening responsibility - this time a marital one.

Seduce this man again, since you already succeeded in this. Since he is still benevolent, respectful and affectionate with you, and after work he drags his mortal body home, perhaps all is not lost to you?

This problem is much more complicated than the previous ones: the husband does not want his wife due to the loss of attraction to her as a woman.

If he is simply sad, bored, tired of your identical everyday life, your home “outfit” in striped socks and a faded robe, then positive changes can be achieved simply by changing the scenery. Then your favorite stretched robe from your great-grandmother’s time will go to the closet or the trash bin, the socks will take their rightful place in the chest of drawers, and they will be replaced by a glossy peignon or a knitted tight trouser suit.

And don't forget to get rid of that hellishly sloppy ponytail that's nesting on your head at home! There's nothing sexy about it, so you'll have to sacrifice convenience.

• He sees what you look like when you go to work: well-groomed and attractive, in the best clothes. Is he, the husband, really unworthy of even a shadow of that beauty that passers-by and employees see?

This case of male reluctance smoothly flows into another: you are so different at home and in public that the dearest man in the world simply does not understand why and for whom there is such a carnival if you have to be alone with Baba Yaga. And you relaxed, decided that he loves you and that’s it, you don’t have to try.

This myth was inspired by novels and TV series: love and desire must be fed, provoked into outbursts, constantly stroked on the head and given nectar. Perhaps then it will take root and bloom wildly according to all the known patterns deduced by old man Freud.

He treats his wife extremely warmly, as a dear and close person, but does not consider him as a sexual object. Anything can happen: friendship, understanding, agreement, but not attraction. It may even happen that just the thought of sex with his wife-friend will cause hostility in a man. It is impossible to predict which path your relationship will take in such a situation. It all depends on whether you are ready, like Assol, to wait for scarlet sails on a sea where there are no ships? Are you patient enough to hope for success in a situation where your husband doesn't want you, and most likely won't want you anymore?

Sex without love is devastating. This is unanimously stated by many psychologists. If your husband no longer wants you, then perhaps he just fell in love. And it’s not even that he has enough sex on the side, it’s just that the object of his languid sighs and serenades at the moment is another woman. You remember how proud you were of his ardent glances, directed only at you.

• Don't look for a meeting with your opponent, don't try to determine who is better. This will deprive you of your last strength, already undermined by long sexual hunger.

• The husband's infatuation may pass. Romance - evaporate. The flow of life is to return to the old channel.

Many real cases confirm this: husbands returned to bed with their wives after the most dizzying affairs. They returned, cooling down after an affair, and stayed in that bed forever, having “feasted” their passion, experience, and variety of impressions “on the side.”

And the spouses who knew how to wait again received devoted and sexually strong macho men, ready for exploits on the sexual front.

Not every husband admits to an illness of this nature to himself, much less to you. These circumstances force men to withdraw into themselves much more than in the first cases. After all, here He, still young and strong, feels like a flawed, crippled, inferior man. He is driven into a corner and “rewarded” with severe depression by the inability to get aroused at all: neither from your erotic lingerie, nor from watching explicit videos, nor from taking magic pills.

• Special – diseases of the reproductive system that directly affect male sexual performance.

• General - other ailments that dull intimate desires due to pain and discomfort.

Fortunately, 21st century medicine can solve many problems. And this case just falls into the category of options when you can apply pressure and present some kind of ultimatum of moderate severity. After all, we are talking not so much about sexual bliss as about the health or even the life of your soulmate.

What needs to be done in all scenarios without exception? In the worst case, you will simply improve your appearance and not lose self-esteem; in the best case, you will return everything to normal.

1. Think carefully about your course of action and possible risks. Forcing your husband or under torture to find out from him the reasons for his reluctance is a dead end. Throwing hysterics is useless; making threats is even worse.

3. If in his explanations you see the outlines of any of the situations described, act according to our advice.

4. Regardless of the results of the “interrogation,” take care of yourself. Remember the last time you visited a hairdresser, massage therapist, or cosmetologist. Join a gym or just start jogging in the morning - maybe even with your spouse.

5. Try to penetrate his world without signs of mental violence: go fishing or paintball together, yell together at a football stadium or hippodrome. Probably, the husband is simply lonely and does not want to sleep with a strange woman who does not understand his tastes.

6. Add tenderness and romance to your life. Diversify your weekend and don’t overload your already difficult modern everyday life with responsibilities. Romantic evenings, surprises and relaxing holidays will help melt not only his heart, but also some of the functions of the male body you are looking for.

7. Tell your husband about your naughty fantasies. Sometimes curiosity can overcome even resentment, not to mention boredom and despondency. Role-playing games within the tastes of two loving spouses would be condemned only by the last prude.

8. Feel welcome. In the end, convince yourself of this - such impudence can become contagious!

Being a desirable woman is a great science. At all times, women who traded desire at a high level were required to receive an education, master the art of dance, music, and special grace. Japanese geishas and French courtesans constantly courted

the skin of the face and body, the silkiness of the hair and the softness of the hands, pursuing one single goal - to please men.

The ability to charm and seduce your man again and again, even imitating such seemingly unworthy persons, is truly a huge job. But the result of such work is worth the effort, isn’t it?

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Common reasons for avoiding intimacy

Sexual disorders do not always require treatment and referral to specialists. In most cases, if a wife does not want her husband, there is no need to do anything like that, since everything is easily resolved within the family. Reluctance to intimacy in women may be due to the following reasons:

Stressful situation in the family, an atmosphere of conflicts and quarrels. Even if spouses make peace after mutual insults, it takes more time to restore the emotional atmosphere and mutual attraction.
Health problems (diseases, disorders, hormonal imbalances). For this you need to go to a specialist.
Lack of care and attention on the part of the husband is one of the main psychological reasons for decreased desire.
Excessive fatigue, immersion in everyday life or professional activities. This is especially true for women who combine home and career. But often housewives get tired without outside help and at the end of the day they do not find the strength for love games.
The cooling of relationships seriously alienates spouses. The solution is a systematic return to normal communication.
Dissatisfaction with one's appearance and complexes also destroy the desire for intimacy in women.
Another option is possible - the husband is no longer attractive to his wife, so she does not want intimacy with him.

Having figured out why the wife does not want intimacy with her husband, you can begin to work on changes. But sometimes it is worth considering the situation comprehensively. A decrease in sexual desire over a long period of time can be the result of a number of negative factors.

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There is another reason why a wife avoids intimacy or does not want sex with her husband - it is an affair on the side. But before accusing your spouse of infidelity, you should make sure that there are no other reasons why she has cooled off. You can suspect infidelity only if the decrease in sexual desire is accompanied by other typical signs of female infidelity.

Tired or fed up?

Do you want to know why a wife doesn't want sex with her husband? Please! A modern woman must cope with many responsibilities. Work, household chores, cooking, caring for a child and constant care of one’s body and appearance exhaust a girl or woman more than the training of a professional bodybuilder.

Add here:

stress at work and in society;
anxiety for the future (a very pressing issue lately);
negative, which in theory should be ignored, but in practice it does not always work out.

This is a colossal burden on the female psyche, which directly affects libido. Figuratively speaking, by the end of the day a woman feels emotionally raped and devastated. There’s no time for sex here – she already “got it to the fullest.” She just wants to sleep, sleep, sleep...

Solution

If the situation with intimacy does not suit the spouses, it is necessary to begin taking steps to normalize this area. The algorithm is simple and clear - you need to identify the causes and begin to eliminate them, restoring harmony in the marriage. But it is the search for reasons that is often the most difficult task. If your spouse has no desire for intimacy, you should look at the relationship as a whole, and not look for problems in bed.

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Establishing communication

The busyness of spouses leads to a lack of constructive communication, and this is the foundation of well-being in a relationship. To successfully solve all problems of a sexual nature, you need to start communicating on a deeper mental and spiritual level. Steps to help improve communication:

find more time to communicate, rather than exchanging stock phrases on the go;
develop attentive listening skills;
learn to express all your desires and needs in words;
do not use mutual reproaches and reproaches in dialogue;
look for common ground;
avoid topics where there is no agreement;
master the art of compromise.

It’s worth remembering the first year of the relationship. During the candy-bouquet period, everything worked out easily and naturally. If you return the missing fragments from that romantic stage to the marital relationship, then everything will work out.

Due care and attention

A man who wants to restore harmony in the intimate sphere must reconsider his attitude towards his wife. Without providing proper attention and the required level of care, it is impossible to count on the harmonious development of communication. The nature of the fair sex is such that they are able to realize their potential if they feel like women. But the difficulty is that they rarely voice their desires and needs.

A man can change the situation by trying, through dialogue, to find out what exactly his wife is missing. What else to do if your wife doesn’t want sex:

bring romance back into the relationship;
start celebrating your wife’s virtues and giving compliments;
offer help with housework;
take on some of the responsibility for caring for children;
periodically make surprises, give flowers.

READ A girl doesn't want sex: in search of physiological and psychological reasons

Bringing passion back into a relationship is not that difficult. But this requires effort and time. You can start with simple steps: invite your spouse to the movies, come home from work with a bouquet of her favorite flowers, or simply wash the dishes after dinner. And when the spouses find themselves in bed, relaxing massage movements and a couple of sincere compliments will help you tune in to intimacy.

The wife doesn’t want her husband - what should the husband do?

In this part I will tell you what to do if your wife does not want sex. So that the problem is solved and the wife always (well, almost always) wants her husband. So, what should I do to satisfy her basic need in a relationship TO FEEL LOVED AND THE ONLY ONE FOR HER MAN?

Even if a man has little time and money?

It's very simple, but it still requires effort. We will turn to the well-known theory of G. Chapman. "5 love languages."

According to her, there are 5 ways to let a person know that you love him:

1) Touching, kinesthetics, hugs

2) Gifts

3) Quality time together

4) Compliments

5) Caring

So, every person has 2-3 main ways of these, with the help of which he himself gives love to another person and just as accurately understands that he is loved if it is given to him.

You need to watch your loved one, or better yet, TALK to her, ASK HER about how she understands that she is loved? And suggest these above methods. For some it will be gifts, for some it will be care, for others it will be 2, 3 ways. This needs to be found out! Further. VERY IMPORTANT CLARIFICATIONS!!!

Clarifications for the wife to give

1. Hugs, kinesthetics - this is: hug, take your hand, stroke your head, etc. SEX DOES NOT COUNT!!!

2.Gifts.

There is an important nuance here.

Small gifts several times a week are better than one big expensive one once a year!!! The fact is that a woman seems to “keep count” of the gifts in her head. And for each gift she adds ONE point, regardless of cost and size. Gave 1 rose – 1 point. Gave it to Mercedes - 1 point.

3. Quality time spent together.

There is also an important nuance here!

This time is considered to be the time when you spent together WITHOUT children, WITHOUT solving your problems, man. Such time together when SHE is interested and happy, and even better - for both of you.

4. Compliments.

There are also important clarifications.

“You look good” - throw these words out of your vocabulary altogether, men! Or leave them for your reflection in the mirror!.

When you need a specialist

Psychological and physiological problems leading to sexual desire disorders are reversible conditions. The sooner measures are taken, the easier and faster the problem of low libido will be solved. You should not postpone going to a specialist if the following problems are observed at the same time:

deterioration of health;
apathy, depressed mood;
sudden changes in appearance;
loss of appetite.

Lack of desire can be a sign of a dozen different health problems and psychological disorders. If a man is concerned about a woman’s behavior or health condition, he should convince her to visit a specialist for diagnosis and treatment.

Sex after childbirth

The quality of intimate relationships changes after the birth of a child for two reasons. The first is a number of psychological factors. The second reason is physiology and changes in the body associated with childbirth. Often women are embarrassed about their bodies. The situation is aggravated by painful sensations resulting from childbirth.

READ My husband doesn’t want intimacy: reasons and possibilities for correcting the situation

Young parents, especially in the first year after the birth of a child, get very tired. Awareness of oneself in a new role, increased responsibility, spending time caring for the baby - all this leads to a weakening of desire. If you do not work to solve the problem, a lack of sex and normal communication in the postpartum period can provoke a serious crisis in the relationship.

Hormonal surges

Pregnancy and childbirth significantly change a woman's hormonal levels. Due to unstable hormone production, an imbalance occurs. This affects sexual attraction to your husband. The wife does not want to have sex not because of cooling of feelings, but as a result of a deficiency of sex hormones. When this is observed during the recovery period, no special treatment is needed, the body will return to normal.

If the lack of desire is observed for a long time, then it is necessary to consult a gynecologist. You may need to undergo diagnostics and treatment to correct the condition. If your wife does not want sex after recent childbirth, and other alarming symptoms are added to this, you should immediately visit a doctor. Decreased libido can be a consequence of serious hormonal disorders and diseases of the endocrine system.

Children in bed - a complete taboo

Co-sleeping with children is another reason why a wife does not want a husband. This is a psychological barrier. The regular practice of co-sleeping leads to loss of sexual desire in young mothers. If there is a child in the bed, all the woman’s thoughts are occupied with him, so child psychologists and pediatricians do not recommend practicing co-sleeping on an ongoing basis.

Of course, there may be exceptions, but for a healthy atmosphere in the family and normalization of intimate life, it is necessary to organize separate sleep. This is important not only for a normal sex life, but also for proper rest for parents.

If you have a child in your family

Let's look at the question of why a wife doesn't want a husband after giving birth.

There are the following explanations for this:

When a wife breastfeeds her baby 3 times a day, she experiences sensations that are equivalent to making love. She no longer needs her husband after this. So if you have a baby in your family, it is not surprising that she is satisfied without you.
After childbirth, the hormonal background of girls changes dramatically and it takes several months for everything to return to order on its own. Because of this, passion for her husband disappears for a while. For some people who have given birth, doctors prescribe medications for a while to bring their hormonal levels in order, while others do without it.
Pregnancy also affects the figure of the wife. Now she is no longer as slim as before. And many girls after giving birth begin to limit themselves in intimacy with their man.
They build into themselves such beliefs that I am no longer the same, that I am unworthy, he won’t even look at me the way I am now, and other cockroaches.

A pregnant wife does not want a husband because the physiology of her body has changed very much. But even after the baby is born, a number of other questions described above may arise.

Pay attention to these nuances and you will understand what's going on.

The man’s task in this case is to give his wife confidence that he loves her for who she is and for him she is still his queen.
Let her know that the feelings haven't faded yet.

A woman's work and business projects can take a lot of energy and strength.

And then she returns home tired, where hungry children are waiting for her. Then she still cooks in the kitchen and plus she needs to wash the floors or do laundry.

And it is not surprising that the wife does not want her husband and constantly complains of fatigue

There is no talk of intimacy with your loved one.

Here the man needs to do the following:

Or give her a day off and let her just relax at home after work. When you take over all her affairs for a few days, her energy reserves will quickly replenish.
Or take on at least half of what she used to do at home. Prepare food for your children and family yourself, no need to wait for your spouse to arrive.
As an example, it would be helpful to give her a relaxing massage after work.

Psychologist's advice

When men come to psychologists and complain that my wife doesn’t want me anymore, specialists don’t solve the problem in one day. This requires diagnostic measures, finding out the causes and pair therapy. That is, if disagreements and problems arise in the area of intimate life, it is better to go for a consultation with a family psychologist together - this will help save time searching for the reasons.

Psychologists advise what a husband should do if his wife does not want intimacy:

Eliminate a sharp emotional reaction to refusal of sex. It is necessary to treat the problem with understanding. Scandals and grievances based on dissatisfaction with your sex life will only worsen the problem.
Restore communication, learn to hear your wife when she talks about her needs.
Start actively working on relationships and involving your spouse in this work.
Organize an appropriate emotional atmosphere in the relationship. Create more moments that create closeness and positive emotions, for example, organizing romantic evenings.
Talk about what doesn’t suit you in intimacy and in relationships in general.

READ Why the man you love doesn’t want sex: the main reasons

Constructive dialogue in the family is not a search for the guilty, but a joint discussion of possible ways out of the current situation. In situations where spouses cannot build effective communication leading to results, the help of specialists is required. To begin with, you can visit a psychologist together, and if necessary, he will redirect the couple to a sexologist or family therapist.

In a marriage relationship, there are only two people who can significantly influence its quality - the husband and wife. To rekindle the fire of passion, it takes the efforts of both partners. This is the only way to restore harmony in intimacy.

About him. Reasons why a husband does not want intimacy with his wife

One of the common reasons is that the wife has gained a lot of weight, her body has changed after giving birth and feeding the baby. This is a natural and natural situation. The husband understands this, so he doesn’t feel anger, indignation, or frustration - he still loves, respects and appreciates her. But she doesn’t see her as a mistress. There is no sexual desire - the husband does not want intimacy with his wife, because she is “not the same anymore.” But not everything is so simple.

Sexual arousal is inextricably linked with a person’s appearance. If he meets the standards of sexuality, it is customary to want him, to experience physical attraction. For example, everyone wants the model on the cover, but no one wants the fat neighbor. So it is “accepted” by the majority, but this fundamentally does not correspond to the true understanding of sexuality.

Sexual desire is born in the head as a reaction to special stimuli. It just so happens that we live in a world where a young, well-groomed appearance is considered to be such an incentive. But excitement can also be generated by other stimuli that are not at all related to appearance. Most likely, everyone will remember the story of how he desired a person because of his voice, smile, sense of humor, talent. The stimulus starts the process of desire, then it is warmed up by fantasy, play, and expectation.

When a husband says that he doesn’t want his wife because she changed after giving birth, he is being disingenuous - it’s not about the body. “You’re not the same anymore” means “what used to turn me on no longer turns me on,” and that’s normal.

Passion truly flares up in our heads, and not under the covers. Therefore, when a husband says that he does not want his wife because she has changed after giving birth, he is being disingenuous - it is not about the body. “You’re not the same anymore” means “what used to turn me on no longer turns me on,” and that’s normal.

The reason why a husband does not want his wife often lies not only in her outer shell or behavior, but in the head of the man himself. After all, some men passionately admire even their pregnant wife, while others cease to be interested in a woman who still meets all the canons and arouses intense desire in other men.

Remember how in the film “White Sun of the Desert”, the hero refused to eat black caviar: “Again you brought it, damn it! I’d rather buy some bread!” A constant stimulus cannot always cause an equally strong reaction; its effect decreases - this is the law for any situation. It only seems to the husband that if his wife gets into shape, he will want her “as before.” As if the return of “that” appearance will bring back the excitement and passion that existed between the spouses several years ago. Getting used to the stimulus is one of the main true reasons why a husband does not want sex.