The husband does not want children from his wife: why is a man, a guy against a child from a woman because of money, what to do

The birth of a baby in a family becomes a great joy. But this event is preceded by plans, expectations, and sometimes great doubts. The spouse, who treats his half so tenderly and reverently, may suddenly begin to categorically protest against the birth of heirs. The reasons why your man or husband does not want children (or one child) may be different. Sometimes a confidential conversation with a loved one can turn the situation in a favorable direction. If you can’t cope on your own, then you should seek advice from a psychologist.

Why your spouse doesn’t want to have children: fears and doubts

Parental instinct manifests itself in different ways. From the first minutes, the expectant mother feels the beating of a new life; she gradually gets used to the idea that a soul mate will soon be born, uniting the pieces of her loving parents. A man does not realize or feel this unity. The fact that you will have to change your usual way of life, share your spouse’s attention with someone else, incur additional financial expenses and solve a whole bunch of other problems causes protest.

The memory of childhood, when parents quarreled over upbringing and care, also leaves an imprint. A negative reaction to conversations indicates that he does not want children because he is not mentally ready for this.

For each person, the desire for procreation awakens at different times, but for a woman, the period comes earlier, as physiological readiness, and for a man, the transfer of experience and accumulated knowledge is important, which happens closer to 30-35 years. In addition to psychological barriers, other reasons also influence refusal.

How can you understand why your husband doesn’t want children yet?

When the husband does not want children, but the wife does, this may indicate that:

The husband is bad, because he has some secret plans for his future life. Which does not include not only the children from this wife, but also this wife herself.
The husband is not competent regarding the status of father and husband - he is mentally and morally not ready to be a father. And, therefore, a husband. A husband who does not want children is not a full-fledged husband, but is more like a cohabitant or a constant lover or friend.
The husband is reasonable and responsible: he sees and understands that it is not desirable for him and his wife to have children at the moment.
The husband does not want children from this wife. Because she believes that she is not ready, cannot, at all or now, be a good mother, and possibly a wife. But, is he so reasonable and good as a husband and as a man: why, excuse me, was he to get married - to “occupy” a woman. If you cannot ensure her natural right and desire to have children!

In most cases, the reasons for a man's reluctance to have a child are known. He understands that the birth of a child will make dramatic changes in his usual life. Who wants to radically change their life if it is already beautiful? Many men, despite their age, remain children at heart for a very long time. Why does the family have another child besides him? He is afraid of losing the attention and care of his beloved woman, because after giving birth she will completely belong to the child. One of the reasons may be fear of new responsibility and restriction of freedom. It is one thing to live together with a beloved woman, and quite another, with a woman and a newborn child, when all the worries fall on the shoulders of the strong and courageous, and he becomes the support of the family.

Financial difficulties

Happiness is not measured by money, but the level of comfort in life depends directly on it. In some aspects, the man is right when he says that the child needs to be provided with everything necessary. I recommend not putting pressure on your other half, but trying at this time to think about the true reasons for the refusal and look with an open mind:

whether the spouse will be a caring father;
will he be able to find a place in his heart for the baby;
how much he can resist increased responsibility.

It’s worth waiting a little, taking a closer look at your spouse. If the husband said that he does not want children because of money, then sometimes a joint calculation of upcoming expenses and financial plans helps.

What to do if parents are divorced

Unfortunately, divorce is not uncommon. Some fathers strive to meet with their children, and in this case mothers should not interfere with communication. However, it also happens that the ex-husband does not want to deal with his child. Here it is worth looking at the situation.

- Talk to your ex-spouse, find out why he does not want to communicate with the child. A man should explain that he is not just a father, but a role model. Any conversation should take place in the absence of children; adults should solve all problems only among themselves. Hysterics and quarrels are unacceptable. Communication should be in a calm tone, because the goal is children, their upbringing and emotional calm.

— Deprivation of parental rights. This is an extreme measure, and it is used if there is a possibility of violence on the part of the father, he evades paying child support, has mental illness, or uses illegal substances. Deprivation of rights occurs through the courts.

A family is not just people living together. They must be responsible for each other, help and support their loved ones. A woman’s wisdom is to lead her husband, without pressure and conflict, to the idea that the child needs the attention and upbringing of each parent.

Fear of losing freedom

The subconscious fear that the list of urgent matters with the birth of a baby will increase and take away part of the free time, limit a man’s desires and possibilities, also becomes the basis for not wanting to have a child.

Then comes the understanding that family and continuation of children are very important, but first personal freedom is more expensive. If a girl thinks about why my boyfriend doesn’t want children and even considers talking about it unpleasant, then it is likely that he has not yet matured and perceives family relationships as a free form of communication without obligations.

Advice from psychologists for women

I want a child, but my husband doesn’t.

If your husband does not want children, it is important to discuss this topic with him and try to find a compromise.

The worst type of behavior is to try to press for pity , throw tantrums and scandals.

It is better to give the man as much attention as possible and show that your love for your spouse is strong and will not weaken after the birth of the baby.

And if a man has any psychological blocks (bad experience of fatherhood, difficult relationships with parents and persistent phobias), it is better to seek help from a family psychologist .

The guy doesn't want children. You should not create illusions that the guy will want children later or is not yet mature. Silence on the part of a woman and hope for a bright future, in which there will be babies and home comfort, lead to nowhere.

Ask your guy about what your life together will be like. Is there room for children in it?

If the chosen one does not want children and sets other goals for himself (travel, science, career, etc.), then he will have to accept his position or break off the relationship.

I'm pregnant, but my husband doesn't want a child . If love and mutual understanding reign in the family, but the man does not want a child, explain to him why it is so important for you to become a mother.

Bring up the topic of health (after all, an abortion can lead to infertility and problems with conception in the future). If a man plans to have children together (even if not now), this will become a weighty argument for him.

Take a step towards a man by actively showing your feelings for him.

It is important to encourage the man, to say that he will become a good father and will be able to provide his family with everything necessary.

It makes sense to curb your financial appetites, and not look at branded onesies and expensive strollers, so as not to aggravate a man’s fear of responsibility .

My husband doesn't want a second child. Negative experiences prevent men from deciding to have a second child. If you don’t have children together, then it’s your ex-wife’s fault.

Explain to your husband that the baby is not always a problem , and in your family the husband’s opinion will be taken into account, as well as the wife’s opinion. Show your spouse that you are willing to compromise.

If you have a child together, and after his birth there is discord in the family, you need to discuss this with your husband. Most likely, he has formed certain claims.

Find out what mistakes, grievances and problems arose after the birth of the baby? Maybe you stopped paying attention to him? Or did they lose their temper over trifles? Have you limited your intimate life?

Explain to your spouse that having given birth to a second child, you will take into account all the negative nuances and, together with your loved one, you will begin to “learn from your own mistakes.”

Fear of relationship deterioration

In a harmonious union, there comes a moment when there is so much love that it requires release and a happy child appears, basking in the rays of parental attention. But when a man is selfish and requires tireless care, then at the thought of a new family member he begins to experience a feeling of jealousy. Nothing has happened yet, but he is already greedy and trying to delay the moment of the baby’s birth for as long as possible.

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

There is only one piece of advice on what to do if a man does not want children from a woman for fear of a change in the relationship. Let your spouse know that he is irreplaceable in your life. If the hints don’t get through, then tell him about it directly and more than once. Convince him that he will still remain the center of your universe, but will shine 2 times brighter because he will become a father.

Fears that a woman’s character will change during pregnancy and childbirth, and not for the better, require separate consideration. I advise the married couple to come to me for a consultation and try to clarify the situation. Often, having heard from an outsider a statement that fears are groundless, the spouse calms down and begins to look at the situation even with a bit of humor.

How to motivate a man to have a child

In order to find the right key that opens the way to a man’s melted heart, you first need to find out the true reason for your reluctance to have children. Not an excuse with which a man only covers up the true reasons.

It is important. Once the key is found, you can begin to act. For the most part, a man refrains from having a child due to any fears: loss of freedom, increased expenses, changes in a woman, etc. One of the surest ways to motivate a man to have children is to remove all the fears that are stopping him.

If this is a financial issue, then you can tell your husband that fears are overblown. There are state payments not only for the first, but also for the second and third child. This amount is quite enough to buy a stroller, diapers, formula, if necessary (although the woman must breastfeed for at least six months). Maybe there will even be some left over to buy something new for the house.

While the child is small, he does not need a lot of clothing, food, etc. Moreover, children are often more willing to play with real objects rather than with store-bought toys. You can save money here too.

It is not necessary to buy expensive toys for your child every time, and there is no point in doing so. Children very quickly lose interest in what they buy. It’s much more interesting for them to cook their borscht in mom’s real saucepan, mixing the ingredients with the ladle that mom uses to stir dad’s borscht.

If a man is not ready to get up at night to see the child, then the woman can promise him that he will not do this. Of course, she herself must be ready for such sacrifices, consciously taking upon herself the burden of sleepless nights.

Another way to motivate a man to agree to have a child is to show a correct, good, positive example. The spirit of competition lives in every representative of the stronger sex. This is a natural quality. You can play well on this. You need to communicate more often and visit married couples with children.

Of course, you shouldn’t take your husband to a family where everything is not so beautiful: children who are always screaming, lack of money, etc. It’s worth showing the man a beautiful picture: a well-kept house, calm children who go fishing and hunting with their dad. It is quite possible that a man, seeing that the only thing missing in the picture of life is a baby, will agree to his wife’s entreaties about children.

An effective way to achieve male consent to have a child is to show the man a picture, on the other hand, that is pleasant for the husband. A woman needs to convey to a man’s consciousness that it is not easy for her to want children from this man.

She wants to see the child as a continuation of her husband. Every time she picks up the baby to breastfeed, the image of her husband will immediately appear in her head, and with it a feeling of great gratitude.

It doesn’t matter how much he earns now, that’s not the main thing. After all, the most important thing is to give birth to a child in love and it must have a continuation. All successful people regret only one thing: they have few or no children.

If a man does not want to have children, a woman must learn to speak beautifully, sincerely, with her heart. Then he will feel that the woman simply wants to fulfill the biological program, but to give birth to a child from this particular man.

My husband doesn't want children due to health problems

A very serious matter that requires careful consideration. If there are serious or chronic illnesses in the spouse’s family, he may be right in not wanting to condemn the heir to the same existence. We need to be understanding about this form of care.

It’s another matter if a man is infertile, but does not know about it or does not want to admit his insolvency to his wife, for fear of being abandoned. Many are indignant at the proposal to undergo an examination, insisting that everything is in order. The woman will have to take the opposite method and visit specialists.

After receiving the results, it will become clear in whose body the problem is hidden. A gentle conversation about the illness and a joint search for a solution brings loving people even closer together. You can convince your spouse to undergo examination and treatment; many types of infertility can be successfully treated. If there is no hope, then adoption is the solution.

If the husband doesn't want a child

Many couples prefer to plan the birth of a child by discussing this issue in advance. From a psychological point of view, pregnancy begins precisely with the decision about the possibility of adding to the family. But it often happens that the husband does not want the money. Then the woman faces the question: “What should I do? Maybe make a decision on your own and confront it with a fact?”

However, the birth of a child is a process in which not only the expectant mother is involved, but also her man and the baby himself, which is why it is so important to come to an agreement and make a mutual decision. Otherwise, the consequences can be very negative both for the woman herself and for the unborn child, not to mention family relationships. After all, it may happen that, being not ready for fatherhood, but presented with a fact, a man will feel betrayed and completely withdraw, which will affect both the psychological state of the woman and the relationship between the spouses (up to the possibility of remaining a single mother).

Thus, an important task for a woman who has decided to become a mother is to prepare her spouse for the idea of pregnancy, discuss this issue and jointly decide to have a child. The most important question remains to be clarified: how to do this?

What is pregnancy for a man?

First of all, a woman should think about the fact that men, for the most part, are somewhat different in themselves: they are more rational, pragmatic, calculating than women. And, perhaps, these qualities are most clearly manifested in such an important issue as pregnancy planning .

Usually, pregnancy becomes the next stage in the development of relationships, after the formation of a family (and it is not so important whether these relationships are formalized), a new peak that brings mutual satisfaction and happiness to the spouses... However, a woman often comes to the idea of pregnancy intuitively, just at one fine moment realizing that she needs a child. A man needs time to think about his feelings and desires, a joint future and inevitable changes; it is important for him to weigh the pros and cons, evaluate and make a rational decision.

On the other hand, when planning a pregnancy among representatives of the stronger sex, the emotional component is also actively involved. A man may be afraid of changes occurring with his beloved, changes in the already established way of life of the family, in attitude towards him and in intimate life... Sometimes men are afraid for their freedom and independence, they are afraid of losing their influence and control. And in an effort to make a mutual decision about the birth of a child, a woman needs to take into account such features of male psychology, understanding and accepting them. Otherwise, criticism, excessive pressure and pressure, reproaches and daily persuasion will have the opposite effect, alienating spouses from each other and destroying their relationship.

Anna and Sergei got married a year ago and were quite happy in their marriage. Both are already quite mature and self-sufficient people who have managed to arrange their lives and careers. Anna began to think seriously about children, believing that their family had all the conditions for having a child, but this issue was never raised “at the family council.” “I can’t be the first to talk to him about this topic - I’m waiting for him to say that he would like a child. But he is silent... I tried to hint, paid attention to the kids on the street, but he just smiles back and doesn’t react at all. I really want a child, but I’m afraid of his refusal.” Anna became irritable, touchy, quarrels became more frequent in the family, and the spouses began to move away from each other.

In many families, a situation often arises when spouses, for some reason, cannot talk openly with each other, and in most cases this concerns significant issues, such as pregnancy. Conversations with hints, ambiguous phrases, “thinking out” thoughts and desires for your partner, the belief that the other person himself must guess and understand what you want to tell him, lead to an incorrect interpretation of each other’s actions. In relationships, “understatement”, mistrust and coldness arise. The spouses feel that they no longer understand each other. A vicious circle arises.

This is the prospect of developments in Anna’s situation if her policy towards her husband remains unchanged. After all, it is impossible to come to a mutual decision if the issue itself has not been clearly and clearly voiced. It seems to her that her desires lie on the surface and should be clearly understood by the man she loves, and if he is in no hurry to fulfill them, it means he doesn’t want to, and ignores them. Hence the resentment, irritation, and unnecessary quarrels. However, we are all different people with different ways of thinking. The first thing Anna should think about is that her husband may not understand her hints because he is not thinking about children at the moment and does not know about her desire to have a child, but this does not mean that he does not want children.

First, a woman needs to openly discuss this issue with her husband, talking about her feelings and emotions, while maintaining the most calm and sincere tone. The main thing is to structure the conversation in such a way that the husband appreciates his importance in the matter of family planning. First, you should indicate your desire and emotions, for example: “I have been thinking about having a baby for a long time, but I don’t know how you feel about it. You don't talk about it, and I'm afraid you don't want to. That’s why I became so nervous and irritable.” It is very important to remind how important the husband’s position is, his opinion: “We must make this decision together, I want our child to be a joy for both of us.” And the most important thing is to say what Anna expects from her husband, what she really wants to get from the conversation (men love specifics): “I want to know how you feel about us having a baby, and I would like to discuss it now...” By conducting a conversation according to this scheme, Anna will be able to restore a trusting atmosphere in her relationship with Sergei, convey to him her desires and clarify his position regarding the birth of the baby.

The husband is not against the child, but...

Lisa and Andrey met when they were very young, and from then on they considered themselves family. We went through all the difficulties together, got an education, built a career... A few years later we got married, rented an apartment, Andrei began to do his favorite job. They both wanted a child, but they were waiting until they could “rise up” and provide for more than just themselves. Meanwhile, Lisa began to understand more and more clearly that she was missing a tiny creature to take care of, but Andrei still believed that they could not bear a child.

To begin with, it is worth noting that in Liza’s situation there are some positive aspects that can later be built on. Firstly, both spouses have a potential desire to become parents, i.e. for the husband, the idea of fatherhood is not obviously negative. Secondly, we can say that communication in the family is not disrupted. The spouses discuss the idea of pregnancy, the husband is ready to express his position and, what is important, clearly names the reasons that, from his point of view, do not allow them to have a child yet. Lisa’s future behavior will depend on these reasons.

In the described case, the husband names a fairly objective barrier to parenthood for this family – financial difficulties. These circumstances are real and in fact can complicate both the pregnancy period and the first time of life with the baby, so Andrey shows an adult and responsible position by postponing the birth of the child. Like a true man, he strategically thinks through the future of the family, so it would be worth listening to his arguments. However, this situation is dangerous because in the modern world, for the average family, material problems are practically not eliminated one way or another. The husband’s desire to achieve good career growth and arrange the family’s life before having children is completely justified and understandable, but Lisa feels that their couple needs development, since they have been together for a long time. Therefore, in this case, the spouses can be advised to first of all discuss what it means to “not pull a child”, whether this is actually the case or many of the benefits that Andrei outlined are not so important for the baby and are secondary. For example, it would be nice to have a stable job and a suitable apartment, even a rented one, before the birth of a child, to calculate the real costs associated with the addition of another family member... But it is hardly logical to delay the birth of a child until purchasing a car. Lisa’s task in this situation is to show what exactly they need for the child, and agree to wait until these goals are achieved, and also to convince her husband that they will also have everything else, but with the baby.

Husband versus child: a lot of excuses

Lately, small quarrels have often begun to arise in Yana’s family over a future pregnancy: “Kostya is constantly stalling for time. It seems that everything has already been decided, all the necessary tests have been completed, and we even lead a healthy lifestyle, but as soon as it comes to the decisive step, he always has some reason to wait some more. I can’t stand this uncertainty anymore.”

Most likely, in this situation, the man is not yet ready to become a father, therefore, claiming that he wants to have a child, and even taking distant steps in this regard (for example, medical research when planning a pregnancy), he is constantly looking for many excuses, postponing pregnancy “for Then". The reason for looking for plausible excuses is the inability to express one’s true attitude towards fatherhood due to the social condemnation of reluctance to have children and insufficient trust in the relationship between spouses. Therefore, first of all, Yana can be advised not to put pressure on her husband, but to gently push him into a confidential conversation, when he could psychologically relax and show his true attitude towards the thought of a child, and not the attitude accepted in society. Then it would become clear in what light he sees fatherhood, what aspects he considers negative in a future pregnancy and life with the baby, and what, in his opinion, he will lose. It is important for Yana to recognize her husband’s right to experience these negative feelings and that he may not be ready to be a father now; he needs to give him time to form this readiness. But Yana may well help to ensure that readiness for parenthood develops faster.

You should not issue ultimatums and blame your husband every day: this will only strengthen his negative feelings. Yana needs to show that her love for Kostya has not disappeared anywhere: “I understood what you are afraid of and that you are not yet ready for the birth of a child, and I am glad that we figured it out. But I love you and I want your child and I hope that over time you will change your mind.” Yana needs to continue to develop the topic of children, gradually instilling confidence in her husband and creating a positive image of a future together with the baby. It would not be amiss to pay attention to those Kostya qualities that would characterize him as a good father. Unpleasant and disturbing moments for the husband also need to be discussed, but not unfoundedly convincing him that “everything will be wrong,” but by giving examples of friends, expert opinions, scientific data and accurate calculations.

My husband doesn't want a child

For Igor, marriage with Natalya is his second attempt to create a family. They have been together for about five years, but Igor still shows a categorical reluctance to have children. For Natalya, this topic became especially painful after visiting a doctor, who said that her chances of giving birth to a healthy child remained less and less. “I know that Igor was initially against children, and that used to suit me. But now I understand that I really want a baby. I love my husband, but I don’t know how to convince him..."

Typically, the decision to have a child is a natural desire of a couple at a certain stage in the development of the relationship, when the “absorption” of each other fades away somewhat. Then the spouses feel the need for further development, to continue their love in the child. If, quite a long time after the formation of a family, one of the spouses is ready to have a child, but the other does not want this, it is necessary to find out the reasons and try to find a compromise for further relations.

If initially both spouses planned to have children together, but then the position of one of them (usually a man) changed, and in a categorical form (“I don’t want to have a child”), this may indicate a breakdown in the relationship. It often happens that a woman, subconsciously feeling the growing tension in the family, strives to give birth to a child in order to strengthen the marriage, but a man, also reacting to changes in relationships, cannot decide to take such a step. In this case, the woman needs to understand that a child is not a means of solving the problem, and in a growing conflict situation, its appearance will only aggravate the tension. First, you need to improve relationships in the family, restore a comfortable atmosphere on your own or with the help of specialists, and then raise the issue of children.

In the situation of Igor and Natalya, the man stipulated in advance the moment of pregnancy planning and warned about his position, so he cannot be accused of “deceiving expectations” or “destroying hopes.” And first of all, Natalya should explain to her husband what has changed in her attitude to this issue, in addition to her feelings, citing objective facts, such as a doctor’s opinion. It is important to convey to the man that they may lose the very opportunity to have a child, and how difficult it will be for Natalia.

If in this case Igor remains adamant, most likely he has serious reasons for such a decision. Perhaps he knows about some of his unfavorable heredity, which can be passed on to the child, or he had a painful experience of fatherhood and is afraid of a repetition. In any case, Natalya can be advised to delicately find out the reasons for this position not only from Igor himself, but also from his relatives, and try to find out the history of his previous marriage. It is important to reorient your husband from the position of “I won’t have children” to the position of “I have reasons not to want a child,” then these problems can be dealt with together.

Natalya should talk to her husband not only about her desire to have a child, but also about his feelings, convince him that she understands them and is ready to seek a compromise, but hopes for the same understanding of her needs. Perhaps spouses should put off talking about children for a while, so as not to aggravate the conflict situation in the family, and at this time visit specialists who could help understand the reasons for not wanting to have a child (psychologist, geneticist, family planning specialist). You can also advise Natalya to ease the pressure on Igor, but ask him to go with her to her doctor so that he can get first-hand information. The opinion of an authoritative specialist can for the first time make a man doubt the correctness of his point of view. The main thing is to begin to further resolve the issue of children.

Basic mistakes

Very often you can hear the following phrase from women: “My husband doesn’t want a child, how can I persuade him?” Here are a few principles that women should consider in their behavior:

It is important to try to understand what motivates your husband, accept him for who he is, and show him your understanding.
You should not threaten what will happen if your husband does not agree with you; it is better to paint a beautiful picture of the future that awaits you if he meets you halfway.
Don't expect instant results. A person needs time for your position, which is initially alien to him, to become his desire.
Rigidity and categoricalness are bad helpers. Be flexible and look for compromises. It is important to find those points where your and your husband’s interests coincide at least partially. For example, if your husband now dreams not of a child, but of a new car, consider this as preparation for the birth of a baby and agree to buy a family-type car. And even if your and your husband’s points of view regarding the child are radically opposite, you are probably both interested in maintaining and improving your relationship. Therefore, agree on the period for which you are willing to postpone pregnancy plans.

The birth of a child is a great happiness and a huge responsibility, therefore, in order for pregnancy to be enjoyable for both partners, and for the child to be born in love and harmony, it is worth making considerable efforts!

Fear

If you are wondering from a psychological point of view why a man does not want children, then first of all it may be fear.

Recently, a movement has emerged - childfree. The point is that people deliberately refuse the joy of becoming parents. Some do not want additional hassle and want to live for their own pleasure. Others are simply afraid of children and everything connected with them.

And again, I recommend confidential communication, attending classes for future parents, and watching programs together about children and the troubles associated with raising them. It is necessary that everything happens only in a positive way.

Why men don't want to have children

The reasons why men don't want children are varied:

Finances (lack of or fear of being in financial crisis)

Such a reason, of course, would be unthinkable in other centuries and other societies, rather than partly in the 21st century in Russia, mainly in the West and some other countries. To put it differently, this is a problem only for civilized residents of developed or developing countries, where the cult of money reigns or where many other values have long been replaced by what is measured in money. Of course, the point is not in the economies of the countries and not in their “excessive” civilization. The reason for this behavior lies mainly in the upbringing that a man receives, and not in belonging to a nation or country, but the time and place of events create their own atmosphere and play their role.

How can you spot signs of such reluctance to have a child in a man?

He is too economical, tight-fisted, always counting money, etc. Perhaps he has a lack of finances and that is why he does not want children?

He is a businessman, seemingly active and prosperous, but he is constantly in fear that he might “burn out”? This type is afraid of ending up in financial ruin and leaving his heirs without a livelihood.

It is clear that the man thinks in slightly different categories, because, firstly, there won’t be much more money and life won’t be a joy if you save it endlessly, and secondly, this is a kind of phobia that needs to be fought.

But every person has the right to be what he wants, as long as it does not harm others. This position, however, does not harm anyone.

Lack of love for wife

This reason for marriage is as commonplace as it is unusual. Why get married if you don't love a woman? The situations are different. But still, this reason is usually relevant in another case. For example, a man got married, lives with a woman, but at a certain moment he realizes that she is not the one he needs, that he does not love her. And the wife at this time, perhaps not understanding her husband’s feelings or, on the contrary, seeing very well that she is losing ground, desperately wants a child, so that in this way she can also save the marriage (oh, if only children would become an obstacle to divorce! ).

Lack of love for his wife forces a man to say that he does not want children, that he should wait a while with a child, that it is too early for them, etc. And at this time, he is most likely looking for the one from whom he wants to have an heir.

What is important?

Notice the signs of dislike, for example:

cooling of feelings;
reluctance to have sex;
lack of tenderness, attention;
interest in other women, etc.

Reluctance to take responsibility

This problem, oddly enough, is more often characteristic of those men who are overly responsible. At the same time, they can be truly reliable in different cases and situations. But, realizing how great the responsibility for raising a child is, they do not want to take it upon themselves. Such representatives of the stronger sex usually do not like those cases when everything depends on them. And these are also errors in the development of their personality.

Emotional immaturity, immaturity

This is not to be taken literally. If your man kicks a football with the boys, plays with cars, and generally has childish habits, it doesn’t mean that he won’t want a child due to immaturity. A person can be a boy at heart, but at the same time a very good dad. Emotional immaturity and infantilism are something else. They also indirectly influence the reluctance of responsibility in life. Emotional immaturity - and the inability to truly love. Infantility in this case is also manifested in the fact that the man is not able to make decisions himself and bear responsibility for them. The fact is that such people may not mature emotionally. And more often this happens after the age of 40, closer to 50 years. Would you like to wait?

Fear of changes in anything in your wife (behavior, appearance)

He married you. You are such a beauty, you have an amazing figure, gorgeous hair - you are charming. And your husband is incredibly proud of you and your beauty? Emphasizes in every possible way that you are not allowed to: gain weight, lose weight, change anything in your image or appearance? Watch out! In front of you, perhaps, is the same person who, for this reason, does not want children. After all, pregnancy always means changes in the image, and he loves this image and, quite possibly, is sincerely afraid of falling out of love with it.

Or he values above all his own comfort that you create for him: with your quiet and calm voice, with your care and love, etc. And then you get pregnant, and it begins... You change your behavior (hormones, other concerns, etc.), and then also a child. And you will completely cease to correspond to the ideal that was before the decision to have children.

Of course, here we are talking in general about male egoism. Although there are actually a lot of such people.

Having children from previous marriages

It happens that a man already has children from a previous marriage. And there are many reasons for not wanting to have another child. For example, your spouse was dissatisfied with the child’s crying at night, caring for the baby, and the fact that his ex-wife did not pay him due attention in this regard. And that's why he doesn't want children anymore. Or another situation. He has two or three children. High expenses for child support. And the man thinks that this is enough. There are children after all. And it doesn’t matter to him from whom. Of course, there are men who think differently, but this is one of the reasons when a husband may not want a child.

Infertility, which a man covers up by not wanting to have children

Unfortunately, in the modern world, cases of male infertility are becoming more frequent. And for a man this is a death sentence, especially if he really wanted to have a child. Most representatives of the stronger sex will never voluntarily admit to such a diagnosis and may veiledly say that children are a luxury, that in order to raise them, great resources are needed, and much more. And the reason behind these words will be banal.

Reluctance to share spouse with someone else

One of the manifestations of infantilism or total control of the situation. If a family has a relationship where a woman demonstrates maternal care, the man simply does not want to grow up. This is the so-called “older child syndrome,” accompanied by the fear of feeling unnecessary and relegated to the background. Involvement in joint activities and a gradual increase in the share of responsibility with constant expression of love will help correct the situation.

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A tyrannical man wants to control everything all the time. He doesn't need the baby as an unaccounted factor, full of surprises. In this case, the woman risks living her whole life as a weak-willed toy behind the bars of a cage. But there is hope for dialogue, especially with the participation of an experienced psychologist.

“I’m not enough for you?”

It seems that the husband is laughing it off... In fact, there is a fear of the appearance of a small competitor for the attention of his wife.

There is a category of men who simply need to be the only light in the window for their wives.

They are jealous of their spouse not only of all the men in her field of vision, but also of her friends, relatives, work... Here children's complexes make themselves felt - as a child, he may have been ignored, not given time. And now he is afraid of losing the attention of the woman he loves. It happens…

And sometimes a man is really joking. But he doesn’t want to have a child for completely different reasons.

What do you recommend?

In the first case, you will have to become a psychologist for your husband. The goal is to internally convince him that he is no longer that little child who was not loved, not noticed, and not given attention. And an adult and strong man whom you love very much and whom you need. It is important to assure him that your child with him will grow up in the love of both parents.

Of course, no man needs to spell it all out. This will only revive the forgotten pain. We convince with our love, our attention and care, praise and admiration, female weakness and defenselessness. We do our best to give our husband the opportunity to feel like a real man. Moreover, that is what he is. It’s just that unresolved problems are still blocking this vision from him. Your chances of success are very high.

But what to do in the second case? Here you need to look for the true reasons and work with them.

Why a spouse doesn’t want to be a father: the opinion of psychologists

The secret mechanisms of desires often present a complex mystery. In the process of studying the questions of why a husband does not want children from his wife, what to do and how to react to this, several patterns were identified. The most common reasons were:

infantilism;
fear of increased responsibility;
negative childhood memories;
unwillingness to lose your comfort zone;
uncertainty about the feelings of the spouse;
lack of knowledge and skills to care for a baby;
fears for the wife's health;
the presence of a genetic predisposition to a certain group of diseases;
infertility.

Any of the reasons can be eliminated if the partners wish and strive to find a compromise.

The man doesn't want a second child

Situations when the family talks about a second child and men and women have different opinions on this issue are not uncommon. Often a woman wants another baby, but her husband is either completely against it, doesn’t want a child, or remains silent, but clearly does not shout: “Hurray, I want it.” A woman is driven by the same maternal instinct, and a man thinks rationally and practically.

The husband already has experience in giving birth and raising his first child. He knows firsthand that children are not only the joy and flowers of life, but also a great physical, emotional and financial investment. A person who has once experienced difficulties or oppression (even small ones) is in no hurry to return the experience of costs to his life.

It is quite natural, inherent in human nature, to look for easier ways. Therefore, the husband does not want to have any more children. He wants to rest, relax, live for himself, realize what his first child did not allow him to achieve.

The money issue plays an important role. The man understands: all financial burdens will be in his area of responsibility. The birth of a second child inevitably entails an increase in family expenses.

For a man, this means that he will have to give his best (find a second job, etc.). Of course, understanding the complexity of the situation for himself, the husband will, by hook or by crook, avoid this.

Motivation to have a child

For spouses it is radically different. For a woman, emotions come first, while for a man, a rational approach comes first. The expectant mother, already in her dreams, surrounds the baby with care, receives pleasure from touching him, and is touched by his first achievements. For the spouse, the awakening of paternal feelings occurs in the period after birth. It is rare that any member of the stronger sex is able to love a child in advance, especially if it is the first-born and there is no moral experience yet. An important motivation for the desire for fatherhood is the possibility of subsequent communication, transfer of knowledge and accumulated material values. Tenderness and pride for your offspring will definitely come, but later.

Ask a question

Respect and understanding

It is preferable to clarify issues regarding future children before marriage. Then many motives of behavior and views of the partner will not become an unpleasant revelation or serve as a reason for refusing to live together.

He doesn't want a second one

The situation is common. The argument may be that the first-born is still small and the infant chores are not over. Another obstacle is the tight financial situation. And sometimes an experienced parent knows in practice what he will have to face at the birth of the next one and does not want to repeat what has happened.

For women who say that my husband no longer wants children or a child, what to do, the advice of a psychologist will be vital. An unbiased opinion and calm conversation during the consultation process will help to identify hidden motives and better understand your spouse.

Is it possible to convince your partner?

Yes, psychologists are sure that in the vast majority of cases it is possible to convince a man. Many people, resisting at first, then decide to become fathers and become wonderful dads. However, you first need to determine the reason why a man refuses paternity.

For example, if we are talking about financial difficulties, you can really wait a year or two and work hard, so that later your wife can go on maternity leave with a clear conscience.

Important

You need to convince the man that the main thing for a child is the love of his parents, attention and happiness, and not material wealth.

If a man is afraid of losing his freedom, he can take the following steps: hire a nanny or call on his grandmother to help him so that he can leave the child with them and spend the weekend quietly together.

You need to convince your husband that he can still go fishing with friends, have a romantic dinner and sit at the bar. Yes, this may happen less often than before the birth of a child, but you won’t have to completely give up your usual entertainment.

If a man is afraid that he will betray the children from his first marriage, you need to convince him that this is not so. He only broke up with their mother, not with them. It should be said that communication with children will take place the same as before, nothing will change radically. Children will definitely get to know their brother or sister and spend time in their father's house.

What to do

There is no ready-made algorithm, each situation is individual, but it’s worth starting small and finding out the reason. Increasing communication time and increasing the degree of trust, a pet and spending time together with married couples raising one or more children can, over time, shake his intransigence.

The main mistakes of women

Thoughtless spontaneous actions can destroy relationships. It is necessary to avoid scandals and reproaches, moral pressure, and manipulation of love. Under no circumstances should you cheat and become pregnant in secret from your husband. Setting ultimatums, withdrawing into yourself and refusing to communicate is also useless.

It is worth considering: if the relationship is shaken, the child will not give it strength. This burden can only be shouldered by self-confident, loving couples.

The birth of a child should be the result of a mutual decision and joyful anticipation.

Psychologist's advice

If a woman is mentally ready for motherhood, but her husband is tormented by doubts or he is categorical in his refusal, then it is worth listening to the basic recommendations.

Stop having illusions and really assess the situation.
Find the true reasons for refusing to have your first child.
Don't give birth against his wishes.

If all methods have been tried and there is no hope of changing his opinion, then you should reconsider your relationship. You can agree with him, giving up the joys of motherhood, or build a life with another person.