What to do if you fall in love with a married man? Psychologist's advice

Female nature is a complex puzzle of ornate threads of passion, attractiveness, sensuality, expression, beauty, spontaneity and amazing vital energy in one ball. Women are so different in their manifestations and behavioral habits, and at the same time so united in their views and perceptions, that it is difficult to develop an approach to them according to one established scheme for everyone: each lady needs her own approach. In the same way, the actions of women themselves differ from each other depending on their character, mindset, specific nature and peculiar disposition. But many representatives of the fair half of humanity suffer one very unpleasant and undesirable fate - the emergence of feelings for a young man who already has a legal wife. What to do if you fall in love with a married man? What to do if the balance is between heartfelt affection and cold mind, which are opposed to each other?

Is love for a married man an accident or a vice?

Situations with forbidden love are far from uncommon today. Almost every third girl in despair asks the question: “I love a married man - what should I do?!” Many people say that love comes suddenly. That this feeling is beyond human control. He cannot immediately take and throw out the object of his adoration from his heart and head. To do this, you probably need to be a superman or at least have superpowers. But psychologists say that this is not entirely true. Yes, indeed: it is difficult to get out from the depths of the soul those feelings that stubbornly lodge inside and are experienced by a woman in relation to someone else’s husband. But isn’t this woman able, in the initial stages and first moments of communication with a “married man,” to feel her overly strong sympathies for him? Isn’t she able to stop this communication or at least keep it within the limits of what is permitted? Doesn’t she understand the degree of responsibility she takes on when she allows a married man to take care of her and isn’t she being disingenuous in believing that “this is already my man”? Probably, the sanity of an intelligent woman will be able to stop her at the first attempts of such a “Casanova” and will help nip his advances in the bud, even if his face is very pretty and his appearance is quite sexy and attractive. The ring on the ring finger of such a suitor should signal the lady about danger and, with a red traffic light, slow down her movement on the way to plunging into the abyss called “destruction of someone else’s family.”

What to do if you fall in love with someone else's spouse?

But what to do if the rules have already been violated and the red light has already been driven? What to do if you fall in love with a married man? And how to behave if a way out of the situation is not found by itself? Here women are divided into three categories:

• those who are looking for financial or career benefits for themselves in a strange man - they will not let go of the “married man” just like that;
• those who go ahead towards their goal and the desire to be happy next to someone else’s spouse - they will put all their strength into breaking up the married couple and being with their loved one;
• those who understand and realize their mistake, but cannot get rid of their passion and ardent affection for someone else’s man.

Speaking about the first two categories of women, we can say with confidence that they do not need anyone else’s help or advice on behavioral tactics. In the secular world, such women are called sharks - it is rare that a man can escape from the tenacious jaws of such a predator. But if a woman really feels remorse, if she sincerely regrets that she allowed a family man to approach her and that she fell in love with a married man, how can she forget him and stop these meetings, this forbidden love, these feelings that traumatize her psycho-emotional state? Psychologists recommend starting from a specific situation and a specific state of affairs, due to which the girl developed a love for the “wrong” young man.

What to do if you fall in love with a married man

There are 3 scenarios for the development of events:

Scenario one

You stop communicating and realize the uselessness of this relationship. Another option is to find out what your lover himself thinks about this situation. He may think that you are satisfied with what is happening and does not want to change anything. You don't have to wait a long time to understand what's going on between you. Six months is the period during which you will probably be able to understand whether it makes sense to continue communicating with this married man or not.

Scenario two

To get a man at any cost. First of all, it is necessary to find out what does not suit him in his family relationship with his wife. By recognizing the gap in their marriage, you can strengthen your position in his eyes. Try to give your man what he lacks in his own marriage. At the same time, do not insult his family under any circumstances. Try not to bring up in your conversations questions about the family relationship of a married lover with his wife. Men sometimes need to cry to their mistresses about their wives. You must support them and wrap them in care, but do not feel sorry for them, they will not accept this. If you manage to take a married man away from his wife, then be prepared for the fact that he will continue to communicate with his ex-wife if they have children together.

Scenario three

You can remain in the status of a mistress. Maybe you are satisfied with this state of affairs and there is absolutely no need to change anything. You do not want to get married or are already in it. All you have to do is follow the agreements with your lover. Everything is in the black, no one wants to reveal their cards. You enjoy intrigue and tension, just like your lover. You don't need more.

How such a connection is built is described here.

Love for a man with children

What should you do if you fall in love with a married man who also has children? It must be said that this aggravates the situation and simplifies it at the same time. On the one hand, the presence of one, two or three cute kids among a married womanizer explains to some extent his behavior. For example, there are often situations when, due to the hassle and worries of caring for children, a wife stops paying attention to her husband, taking care of herself to the extent that this was possible before, thereby pushing her husband away from herself and promoting his search for joy in another representative the beautiful half of humanity. Perhaps here we can understand a man, roughly speaking, rejected by his own wife.

But there is also the other side of the coin: how can a woman who has encroached on the father of two or three children sleep peacefully and continue to lay claim to a man who does not belong to her? He has a duty to his wife and his children. He bears the burden of responsibility for his own children, for their upbringing, their development as individuals. It is hardly possible to talk about any moral principles of a woman who fell in love with a married man, with children, with a family, and does not let him go because of her own selfishness. Not a single woman has yet built pure happiness with impunity on the misfortune of someone else's family.

Psychology and reasons

Psychologists, trying to help in difficult interpersonal relationships , always pay attention to the reasons for which they arose.

Often, personal immaturity, the influence of upbringing, or the very first relationship play a role here.

Understanding the reasons allows you not only to better understand the situation, but also to help the individual cope with experiences.

A married man fell in love with an unmarried girl

Love is a fickle feeling, it goes through stages and crises. And during these periods of crisis, it may happen that a man falls in love with another woman.

In this case, a love triangle often arises: he, his wife, his mistress. At the same time, the man does not leave his wife, but he does not end the relationship on the side either.

A married man fell in love with me. Reasons for this behavior:

• middle age crisis. It is no secret that after 40 years a man begins to pay attention to younger women, the risk of having a mistress increases,
• lack of love and attention in the family. Crises in a couple can become an impetus for searching for new relationships,
• meeting a person who seems ideal.

Before making hasty decisions, it is worth assessing whether it is love or falling in love , the desire to find adventure on the side, to assert oneself, and evaluate the consequences of one’s own actions.

A married woman fell in love with a married man

You can't control your feelings. A woman in a successful or not so successful marriage may, for various reasons, pay attention to another man , and there is a high chance that he is also married.

He may not pay attention to her, and then love becomes unrequited, causing anxiety. Or an extramarital affair begins, where she deceives her husband, and he deceives his wife.

Why could she fall in love with a married man?:

• family problems,
• searching for attention missing at home, on the side,
• purposeful desire to find a wealthier and more promising man,
• a character trait that makes it easy to fall in love.

Do not immediately rush into an extramarital affair, think about whether it will bring anything other than worries and troubles.

Fell in love with a married girl

A young guy may fall in love with a married girl and begin to seek her attention. This can bring trouble, both to the lady herself and to him personally.

A married lady seems more accessible and at the same time without pretensions , that is, she allows an affair on the side, but does not expect anything more, since in general her husband is satisfied with her.

If you are only attracted to married girls, then you should work through this issue with a psychologist and understand for what reasons you refuse connections with single female representatives.

rare meetings with a married girl .

I love a married man

What to do if you realize that you have fallen in love with a married man.

First of all, you need to understand the reasons why you were attracted to an unavailable man :

• fear of a serious relationship. A married man is less available, which means he is less likely to start a long-term relationship with him. Fear comes from internal complexes and experienced problems.
• a married man seems more promising, because another woman became interested in him, decided to connect her life with him, which means he inspires more trust,
• low level of moral qualities, where the presence of a spouse is not taken into account.

If you fell in love with a married man, don’t rush to take a desperate step , be sure to achieve him.

See if he's really that good. Every person has flaws, pay attention to them.

Specialist on relationships with married people:

Love for a married adult man

It also happens that young girls, captivated by the charm and masculinity of a man of a more mature age, out of their naivety and spontaneous gullibility, are carried away by a beautiful stranger and fall in love with him. Grown-up men always attract girls who have not yet had such experience of communication: they are interested in getting to know such people, they admire the intelligence, intelligence, courage and certain greatness of such men. Therefore, even when a young lady finds out that the object of her adoration is married, she never ceases to respect him, appreciate him, admire him, and love him. Rather, on the contrary: she feels a sense of possessiveness and, due to the lack of this kind of experience, does not understand that by her connection with him she is robbing the family of a breadwinner, a loving father and spouse. A girl who falls in love with a married man older than herself initially dooms herself to suffering and unrequited love, since in most cases such ladies are only temporarily taken advantage of, but they never leave the family forever.

Love for a friend who has a wife

It’s even more difficult for the girl who fell in love with a married friend. It’s quite difficult to fulfill the role of a good friend, comrade, assistant while you experience deeper and more sincere feelings for a man. The very fact of destroying his family for the sake of his own satisfaction and getting what he wants already smacks of self-centeredness and meanness. But even if we take into account the “innocent” attempts to hint to a friend about his feelings, they in themselves become a threat: either the young man will not understand such hints and such an attitude from an old girlfriend, or he will commit adultery, but then you can forget about friendship forever. In any case, this relationship will end in someone's suffering - the tears of an unhappy wife or the bitterness of losing the friendship of a friend-lover who interfered in the relationship. This relationship will certainly harm one of the parties, and a decent woman who has not lost her moral principles and has not completely lost her head from her exciting feelings must stop in time her zeal to take her loved one away from the family.

How to stop loving a friend if this love is doomed from the very beginning? You need to pause, temporarily stop communicating, give yourself time to think about the harmfulness of this situation and give yourself the opportunity to understand your own thoughts and feelings. It may turn out that these feelings were overly far-fetched, and in fact, such love was only a temporary clouding. Otherwise, you should look for a way out of the situation by becoming infatuated with a new object of affection - it’s not for nothing that they say that wedges are knocked out with wedges.

A woman's love for a married colleague

An equally common situation is when a feeling of love arises for a young man from work. If a woman falls in love with a married work colleague, it is also quite difficult for her to hide her attitude towards him. What to do in such a situation? How to overcome your feelings? And is it even worth fighting them? Psychologists are not judges; they do not reproach their patients for the fact that their behavior does not quite fit within the framework of ethical standards. They do not dissuade them that loving a married person is normal. However, psychological methods of influence consist in making a person himself, through introspection, come to the realization of his mistakes, oversights, and wrong actions. What contradicts his conscience will definitely work in a person’s mind if he himself wants it. So it is in the case of the unfortunate lady who fell in love with her colleague, who already has a legal wife. Interfering with someone’s family is fundamentally wrong. You cannot justify yourself by the strength of your feelings and by the fact that “my man will be happy with me” or “he feels bad with her, but with me it will be much better.” This is a deliberately false and incorrect opinion. A man who feels bad in his marriage has no problem getting a divorce and leaving this unsuccessful marriage match, without the help of his mistress. Therefore, while rethinking life values, a woman who is in love with a colleague should minimize communication with him, try to abstract herself from thoughts about him and perceive him exclusively as a business partner.

How to forget love

Need to get over it

The most correct thing in this situation would be to erase all thoughts about someone else’s husband from your head.

Naturally, this is not so easy to do. Human psychology is structured in such a way that it is very difficult for us to place reason above our emotions. I bring to your attention tips on how to get through this period easier.

1. Stop thinking about him, don’t go to his page on social networks, don’t track his activity.
2. If you have a loved one's phone number, delete it. Forget about the possibility of writing a message or calling forever.
3. If you want to cry, don't hold back.
4. Stop visiting places where you previously managed to see the object of your desire.
5. There is no need to think that you have a bad fate, to wonder why someone gets such a treasure, and you remain lonely. In fact, you will also meet your soulmate, it’s just not the time yet.
6. If this happened, “I fell in love with a married colleague,” then the case is really serious. After all, you have to meet with him every day. It will be very difficult to forget such a person. Sometimes the only way is to change jobs. Sometimes the appearance of a new hobby helps, but if your feelings for a married man are true, then it is better to completely isolate yourself from him.
7. Visit places where you can make new acquaintances. Be open to them.
8. If you see that nothing helps, you can’t cope with your pain, contact a qualified psychologist, he will help.

Married woman's love for another man

All of the situations listed unanimously boil down to the fact that the flaring up of feelings towards someone else’s spouse is an accident, which will definitely cause pain to someone later. Be that as it may, the struggle for such a man will ultimately lead to someone else’s suffering, and it would be very vile to take away from the family a man who had previously been a diligent spouse and loving father. However, there are even more stalemate cases when an unfree lady begins to experience warm feelings for an equally unfree man. If a married woman falls in love with a married man, she not only strives to destroy other people's relationships - she is capable of hurting her own husband with her treacherous feelings. Many ladies who find themselves in such a situation are well aware of all the risks of their love, which can make at least two out of four people unhappy, so in an attempt to calm their feelings and gain peace of mind, they turn to a psychologist for advice. Recommendations from experts include a list of techniques, the main ones of which are the following:

• cessation of all communication with the object of one’s sudden affections;
• getting closer to your husband in all possible ways - spending time together, preparing festive dinners and romantic parties, increasing the frequency of sexual relations in your married couple;
• immersion in work is one of the most effective ways to forget about everyone and everything;
• distraction by hobbies - painting, music, opera, ballet and many other hobbies will help you abstract from emotional ups and downs and forget about your passion for your married lover.

Self-control, work on oneself, one’s own prohibitions and self-imposed guidelines can significantly change the attitude of a lady who is perplexed by her own feelings. The prospect of having a married lover will seem attractive to few people, so it is worth nipping it in the bud before the situation goes too far.

Adviсe

Avoid places where you can meet your loved one. Don't contact him

1. It is important to understand that the man most likely does not intend to leave his wife.
2. There is no need to be too gullible and believe that he will soon separate from his wife, just while “she is sick” or “the children have not yet grown up” or “there is no money to file for a divorce.” These are all excuses, it’s just convenient for him to use you.
3. Don't trust a word he says. A man who is ready to betray his wife, and therefore plans to deceive her repeatedly, is, in fact, a pathological liar.
4. Think about his family, put yourself in the place of his wife. I wouldn’t wish anyone to feel what a woman who is betrayed feels.
5. Think about your future. Do you really want a similar fate for yourself? You need to move on with your life, create your own relationships, your own family.
6. You need to respect yourself. Being in the role of a mistress is humiliating.
7. If a man shows interest in you and offers to meet you, you need to stop all his attempts.

In most cases, feelings for an unfree man do not bring happiness to anyone. It is very rare when such relationships end in divorce from the current wife and ringing with his mistress. But even in such a situation, you must understand that there remains an unhappy woman with a broken fate, perhaps also with children. Do you really want to be responsible for this? It’s better not to even look towards married men and not make plans for them.

How to behave

What to do if you fall in love with a married man? How to calm down the flow of your passion and unbridled feelings? There are three ways that can resolve the current situation with different options for its outcome. The first is to confess your feelings to him: he will probably take advantage of the attitude of a woman in love with him, but only once as carnal pleasures. The second is to use tactics of seducing a man and tying him to oneself: this smacks, at a minimum, of meanness and deceit, since such behavior, although not criminally punishable, is morally criminal. And finally, the third is to try to fight your feelings, since ninety-nine percent out of a hundred they will not lead to good things.

Who is this relationship suitable for?

A classic love triangle with the suffering of one or all of the main characters arises when people who are afraid to make decisions, take responsibility and perceive reality as it is are drawn into it.

Of course, you can immediately find the culprit in the person of the husband and nail him to the pillory: he delays making a choice, makes the women who love him suffer. It certainly cannot be justified. But he doesn’t pull or force - he lives the way it’s convenient for him, and women allow him to do it.

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Therefore, the real culprits of the situation are often the deceived wife and the mistress, no less deceived in her hopes. And even most often the latter. Because she was the one who ended up in a relationship that psychologists call toxic.

Think about it: a man is quite happy with having an affair - he has a house, a wife and a constant mistress. The wife can also be satisfied with everything: if she doesn’t leave, it means that he doesn’t really need her (the mistress) - the wise woman thinks and continues to live in marriage with her husband, taking advantage of all the possible benefits of this union.

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At the same time, the mistress acts as a real fighting friend: she is always at a low start: “If the beloved man is married, then he can get a divorce, because he promised, hinted, gave his word!” She is happy when he is near and immediately experiences deep loneliness when he leaves her.

This situation in psychology is called an emotional swing. Not everyone likes swinging on such a swing.

Rita, 29 years old

I'm almost 30 and still single. My entire personal life is a series of affairs with married men. Every time I swear that I will never step on this rake again, but after a while I find myself in a similar situation. And now I am also dating a young man whose wife is in the maternity hospital. I know it's low and terrible, but I like him! I don't know how to deal with my feelings! I really want him to leave for me, but experience suggests that this most likely will not happen.

But, if you like to suffer, then for you the option of a relationship with a married man, who either gives hope, reminding him of his love, then takes it away again, rushing home at the first call from his wife, is ideal.

In a toxic relationship, such a girl has a lot of opportunities to feel what she considers love, and to suffer a lot for a person who, in fact, does not belong to her.

Is it worth fighting for someone else's?

What to do if you fall in love with a married man? How to forget about your feelings, and should you forget about them at all? Perhaps it makes sense to fight for it? Many girls, in a fit of their emotionally unstable state, begin to think that this man is destined for them by fate, since a combination of circumstances led to their meeting, and that it is worth trying their luck and trying to achieve it at any cost. But such ladies need to take note: it is not the woman who should strive to make a man fall in love with her, but the man who should achieve her. And if he didn’t rush headlong after her after the first meeting, if he didn’t abandon his family and crawl on his knees asking her to become his beloved, then he hardly needs it at all. Then the question of whether it’s worth fighting for him disappears by itself: you can’t get involved in other people’s relationships, and there’s really no point.

Reasons for love triangles

You may feel like your romance is unique, your relationship is something out of the ordinary. This is true love, feelings, reciprocity and sincerity. Most likely, this is not the case, and the reasons for your affair are trivial.

Middle age crisis

Such situations are often caused by a midlife crisis and a man’s desire to feel young. In such relationships, the percentage that the triangle will end in divorce from the ex-wife and marriage to a new passion is much higher than in other cases.

Sexual incompatibility in a couple

In second place in terms of prevalence is sexual incompatibility between partners in marriage, which is resolved through regular affairs on the side. Marriages where one partner constantly cheats and the other turns a blind eye to it rarely end in divorce.

Anna, 34 years old

Probably, in my situation, all three factors came together, which led to an affair with a married man. My boss is a handsome man, 50 years old, he has been married for a long time, but the feelings have long faded away between him and his wife. They stopped making love and live like neighbors. So he paid attention to me. Our romance lasted a year and a half, and this suited everyone. Then I met my current husband, and we parted peacefully with my lover and even continued to work together for some time. Until I met my husband, I could not get out of this relationship.

Office romances

In third place are office romances. This is a separate category of love triangles that does not exist outside the office walls, but at the same time helps people solve many problems, both career and financial.

By the way, it is this category of triangles that brings the least suffering to its participants: wives or husbands often do not even realize that their halves have someone at work.

In turn, office lovers and mistresses do not put the desire to take someone away from the family first. Office friends don’t think about what to do if the man they love is married - they combine business with pleasure: they work, have relationships and some bonuses for this.

A classic example of an office love triangle is the relationship between a married boss and a secretary. Secretaries come and go, but the wife is a constant category.

On someone else's misfortune happiness can not be built

If, nevertheless, a girl has fallen in love with a married man and stubbornly does not want to understand the harmfulness of her feelings towards herself, him and his entire family, she should think about the fact that fate is capable of not only giving, but also taking away what it once gave. A male stolen from someone else's family nest, having cheated on one woman, will certainly betray the second. And the omnipresent karma will boomerang on the homewrecker the suffering that her beloved wife once experienced because of her. And this is not idle chatter. Psychologists say that people who have once deliberately caused pain to someone project their criminal action onto their own lives. We often hear in everyday life that thoughts materialize, that everything we think about is attracted to us. Psychology explains this by the fact that the consciousness of a person who has committed meanness works through his conscience on himself and influences his behavior, his habits, his actions. Thus, a lady who once took a man away from her family is subsequently subjected to the same fateful situation - she will inevitably be betrayed by her lovers in the same way as his previous wife was betrayed. This is no wonder - you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune.

What awaits you

Get ready to listen to his lies when his wife calls

If you like a married man, and in your thoughts you are already planning intimacy with him, then you must understand what you can expect from such a relationship.

1. An endless feeling of jealousy towards your legal wife. Believe me, even when a man says that his feelings for his wife have long faded and he only needs a mistress, it is not a fact that this is really the case. Understanding that he spends every night with his wife will cause great pain.
2. Get ready to celebrate all the holidays in splendid isolation. Your loved one will be with his family, with his children.
3. While dating you, his children or wife will regularly call him, and you will have to be present during these conversations and listen to his excuses.
4. You will be forced to constantly hide and meet in secret territory, call your lover only at certain hours or not do it at all.