The husband has lost interest in his wife: dry facts of statistics
The usual stereotype that a man wants always and everywhere is bursting at the seams. It is useless to look for one reason; most often they gather in a bouquet, feeding and strengthening each other. The wife experiences mental discomfort, the woman begins to delve into herself, self-esteem involuntarily decreases, and doubts arise about her own attractiveness.
I advise you to look at the situation with an open mind and try on the role of an analyst. According to statistics, a man’s sexual activity gradually decreases over the years, while a woman’s begins to rise. This is already a contradiction that can lead to refusal of sex if the spouses do not have the wisdom to talk frankly and try to resolve the situation. Judging by surveys, almost 77% of women in a family union are not satisfied with the quality and frequency of intimate intimacy.
5 main reasons why a husband does not want to sleep with his wife
Each person is unique, so you can’t look for a universal recipe on how to make everyone happy at once. Nevertheless, certain patterns can be traced, and I highlight several reasons for refusing sex that are most common.
A workaholic is not a sex giant
The acceleration of life has not brought special privileges to humanity, but it has significantly increased the burden of problems. Chronic fatigue syndrome completely kills the desire for intimacy. If a man constantly talks and thinks about work, it’s time to save his personal life. A great solution would be a last-minute trip, a weekend spent together with your phone turned off or suddenly dead, so that no one ruins your communication.
Illness is a delicate matter
When something hurts, it is unlikely that an uncontrollable desire will arise. This is especially true for diseases of the genitourinary system, joint and muscle pain. Consider one more nuance. For chronic illnesses, a course of medications is required; for some, the list of side effects clearly states the possibility of a decrease in sexual desire. Before making claims to your spouse and complaining to your friends that “my husband doesn’t want me,” look at the instructions for the medicine. Perhaps the answer lies there.
Let's say no to scientific and technological progress
While praising technological innovations, it is worth thinking about how they affect everyday life. Surrounding gadgets, phones, game consoles and laptops, instead of speeding up the search for information or relieving emotional stress after a hard day, turn into eaters of personal time.
Sound the alarm as soon as your partner stops hearing words addressed to him, and the monitor becomes closer to him than a human. It is useless to make a scandal; talking about limiting time for games or organizing a “phone-free evening” will be more effective.
Behavior and Commitment
It’s a pity that many, having received a stamp in their passport, equate it with an absolute guarantee that the other half must constantly demonstrate fiery passion. The official registration of marriage primarily documents the protection of future children, guaranteeing them social rights and material support from the state under certain conditions. Everything else in the family happens only by mutual desire.
A tense situation in the home, constant clarification of relationships, nitpicking over trifles, and indifference to the interests of the spouse can become a reason for avoiding intimacy.
Try to look at your partner with a new look, remember what you admired in the first months of dating. Take the risk of surprising him, arousing interest and relieving emotional stress. If you have never used erotic stockings or grinned at the mention of role-playing games, then it’s time to try them in action.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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There is sex, but not here
The most offensive option is if all the heat goes not to the spouse, but to another partner in sexual games. The truth about this will come out sooner or later, even if the man considers himself a super agent. For a woman’s pride, this becomes a cruel blow that can provoke rash actions, quarrels and the final destruction of the marriage.
In such a situation, you will need the help of a psychologist to save the family, restore part of the trusting relationship, find ways to compromise and restore mutual attraction.
Reasons for not wanting intimacy
If a husband does not want intimacy with his wife, what should he do? He has no attraction either physically or emotionally. The most common reason is household routine.
Psychology says: a man’s sexual interest can disappear because of a trivial matter.
Let us list the reasons for the lack of desire.
Reason 1: external unattractiveness
A guy meets a girl he likes. After marriage, women often neglect themselves, and their appearance leaves much to be desired. The guy is not satisfied with this, and he goes in search of a more attractive girl.
Reason 2: family quarrel
Any family conflict kills men's desire for intimacy. Sexual attraction goes away with it.
Reason 3: overprotection
This problem is quite relevant. With overprotection, a guy stops feeling like a man; he feels like a little child being looked after by his mother.
Reason 4: boring sex
Sex has become commonplace and uninteresting, without innovation or experimentation. Subsequently, interest in the partner is lost due to the lack of impressions, which a man needs to feed.
Reason 5: pregnancy
A man begins to experience fear of intimacy with his pregnant wife for fear of harming the baby on a subconscious level.
Reason 6: psychological overload
Men do not like to share their problems with others. They suppress them and experience them alone. As a result, they experience emotional overload, which has a bad effect on their intimate life.
Reason 7: disease or pathology
It happens that there is a physiological feature of the body. Sexual desire may decrease due to an infectious disease. Alcoholism, mental problems, disorders in the endocrine system, and age can also affect a decrease in desire.
Reason 8: having a mistress
Why doesn't a husband want a wife? The reason for this may be a mistress on the side who will fully satisfy his needs. To understand whether your husband is cheating on you or not, read this topic. If you think that a man does not have a mistress on his side, then this sign should not be taken into account.
Is it always about the partner?
The sphere of intimacy has very fine tuning. Often a careless word can completely ruin a romantic evening. Before looking for the reason why a husband does not want his wife in a partner, it is worth looking back at your habits.
The following can extinguish the flame of passion:
- indifference or excessive activity in sex;
- family problems;
- untidiness and lack of personal hygiene;
- insufficient attention to the partner in a series of everyday worries or overprotection;
- stiffness and refusal to experiment with small things;
- unconscious expectation that “nothing will work out” in the process.
If such signs are not noticed, there is a possibility that the reason for refusing sex lies in a completely different plane.
Psychological problems
They sometimes affect sexual desire much more than physiological ones. Emotional fatigue and depression are increasingly becoming the reason for refusing sexual contacts in general, regardless of the personality of the partner. The condition is aggravated by apathy, loss of strength, and indifference to the outside world. At the same time, some of the drugs that relieve depression have a decrease in libido as side effects, which must be taken into account.
Low self-esteem and fear of another misfire will also not make a man an alpha male. Negative emotions are layered, forming a feeling of protest and rejection. In some cases, refusal of sex will occur only with the wife, if she was the witness of his male failure.
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Often you cannot do without a specialist, but the help must be qualified. I have encountered problems that became deeper after an incorrect conversation. It was necessary to examine not only the origins, but also to neutralize the consequences of illiterate intervention. When planning a consultation with a psychologist, carefully look at the level of his qualifications.
Physiological problems
A number of diseases directly affect the mechanism of sexual arousal:
- diabetes;
- multiple sclerosis;
- cardiovascular diseases;
- hormonal disorders.
It is necessary to show attention, help cope with the disease or alleviate the symptoms. There are high chances that your intimate life will gradually improve.
Why a husband doesn't want sex with his wife: 5 main reasons
There are several common reasons why a husband does not want intimacy.
A workaholic is not a sexaholic
The lack of sexual desire of a husband for his wife is a serious obstacle to married life.
Excessive workaholism is the cause of physical and mental fatigue. A man's hard, responsible work contributes to chronic fatigue - it is not compatible with regular, high-quality sex.
An analysis of the amount of time your spouse spends on work, his statements, and thoughts about work will help you understand whether this is the reason.
The solution in this situation is vacation. It is advisable to organize a rest for the man, allowing him to be alone with himself - sending his husband fishing or hunting. Give him the opportunity to relax, take his mind off worries at work and everyday troubles. You can’t remind your husband about complaints about your sex life while you’re on vacation.
Relaxation can be going to the movies together, having a picnic, or watching TV series. The most important thing is the absence of mention of problems, maximum avoidance of stress factors.
Illness is a delicate matter
Another reason for the disappearance of attraction to the woman you love in bed is certain diseases or taking certain medications. A specialist doctor will help determine this.
Quite a lot of diseases contribute to the disappearance of sexual desire. This is facilitated by pathologies of the urinary and cardiovascular systems, hormonal age-related changes, depression, diabetes, infections, and stress.
Refusal after birth
The practice of joint childbirth does not benefit everyone. It is worth understanding that for a woman this is a normal physiological process, but for a man in most cases it is a shock. Agree that it is much better to cope with the task of giving birth yourself than, for the sake of fashion, to insist on the presence of your spouse in the labor room, where he will lose consciousness and get in the way of the obstetricians.
You can forget firmly and for a long time that after such stress he would be passionate again and constantly want intimacy. In the worst case - forever.
It is possible to go to the maternity room together only if there is mutual desire, appropriate preparation and moral stability; in other cases, it is not worth the risk.
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How to talk about it with your partner
All problems are resolved through negotiations in a friendly tone. Don't joke or make fun of the situation. The atmosphere is already tense, the topic is sensitive and requires tactful behavior. I advise you to turn off the TV, laptop and phone, you can make some tea and tune in to a friendly wave.
You will have to discuss a lot, calmly accepting any information. The “system of ten” helps to avoid breaking into hysterics, when a series of numbers are calculated in the mind and only then an answer is given. It may take more than one evening to find new common ground.
What to do if your husband does not want intimacy
The most reasonable thing would be:
- change your communication style;
- take care of your appearance;
- tune in to easy flirting with your other half without obligation;
- spend more time together doing things together;
- respect personal space;
- trust and show your confidence in your spouse;
- minimize routine;
- speak briefly, clearly and to the point;
- carefully restore spiritual points of contact that are not related to sex.
There are also larger tasks that cannot be solved with a snap of a finger, but this must be done if you want to feel a strong hug again.
Stop complaining and controlling your spouse
Public discussion of family, and even more so bed, problems is very offending. Whining and trying on the role of a victim is also useless. Remove the pressure and control.
Be attractive in appearance
This is not a requirement, but a state of mind. There are often people who do not at all correspond to the canons of beauty, but who radiate a special charm. If you need a whole range of treatments at the spa to boost your self-esteem, put off your current purchases, but treat yourself to gain confidence in your irresistibility.
It is advisable to change the image and style of clothing, maybe not radically, but a new note should be present.
Becoming the one to be conquered again
A man at heart is a hunter, he strives to conquer, if not the heights, then a woman. There should be a little mystery, mystery and a bit of inaccessibility. It is worth reducing the volume of stories about yourself, events and dreams, turning into an attentive listener, creating a situation of understatement, inviting, but not imposing.
Ask a question
Such a change in the wife’s behavior will arouse interest and the man will certainly accept the challenge. A small detail - every riddle must have a solution for him.
Surprise more often
An unexpected SMS message, a small postcard on a shelf with personal belongings, a fleeting bright smile without words will knock you out of your usual routine rut, moving you into the plane of the unknown, but pleasant.
The main thing is that the action goes beyond the framework of everyday life and does not reach the point of absurdity.
Diversify sex
It sounds like a newspaper cliche, but it is true. Long-familiar routine tasks do not cause delight. They are on a par with washing dishes and nailing down shelves. When wondering what to do if your husband doesn’t want you, you need to start small.
It is useful to talk about fantasies and desires over a bottle of light wine, discuss changes in intimate life in a humorous manner, find the boundaries of what is permitted, without overpowering your own nature. What is unacceptable for one of the partners is put aside as unrealistic. A joint visit to an adult store will spur your imagination and take communication to a new level of trust.
How to win a man's interest after having a baby
You will have to make an effort and find time to take care of yourself, wisely distributing your to-do list. In order for free minutes to appear, it is necessary to gently involve your spouse in new tasks.
It is worth caring for the baby together, sharing responsibilities and helping at the right time. Such chores bring us closer together and allow us to spend more time with each other. The husband has a hard time, he is forced to share the position of favorite with the new family member, receiving less attention. It is necessary to emphasize how important the help and support of a spouse is, take an interest in his affairs at work, his well-being, and organize small, but so necessary at this moment, holidays for two.
An important point is the husband’s fear of causing pain or harm to his wife after childbirth during intimacy. Swollen breasts full of milk and stretch marks on the abdomen can confuse and extinguish desire. Do not rush to accuse him of coldness, talk frankly and explain that the body has already recovered and craves the usual affection, and other phenomena are temporary and gradually everything will return to normal.
Mistakes of young parents
“Why doesn’t my husband want me after giving birth?” - psychologists hear and see in front of them an exhausted woman with circles under her eyes and a carelessly dressed woman. “Would you like yourself?” - I want to ask in response, but in response I have to explain the common truths that a man with the birth of a baby is no easier than a woman, and he also needs the support of his other half. In addition, experiencing the same difficulties with decreased sleep time, the inability to eat peacefully, etc., a man is still forced to go to work and carry out labor activities at the same or even faster pace.
Ideally, a child should unite the spouses, make them even more dependent (in a positive sense) on each other and give the relationship a new flavor. Only with the appearance of the first-born can a love union be called full-fledged and fulfilled, but in reality this fact is more often considered as an obstacle to the manifestation of marital feelings.
Why doesn't a husband want a wife after giving birth? Because she herself, first of all, ceases to feel like a woman and goes all into motherhood. The husband is given the unenviable role of the eternal supplicant and observer, despite the fact that his physiological needs only increase after a long pause of abstinence (sometimes lasting up to 3 months).
When to seek advice from a psychologist
When problems arise in the family, you should not isolate yourself; it is better to trust a specialist in this matter.
First, go through the situation yourself and answer the questions:
- How tense is the situation in the family?
- what level of trust is the relationship at?
- did you often refuse intimacy?
- how busy the husband is at work;
- whether signs of illness or chronic fatigue have recently appeared.
There is no need to be cunning and look for beautiful excuses instead of honest answers. If the situation does not clear up, then seek the help of a psychologist. There are no universal recommendations on what to do if a husband does not want a wife. For effective assistance, it is better to meet in person.
Advice for pregnant women and young mothers
If a husband does not want his pregnant wife because he is worried about her health, a confidential conversation with a gynecologist can correct the situation. If the basis is the nervousness of the expectant mother, then a calm atmosphere, care and attention will return the desire for intimacy. When a woman says that “my husband doesn’t want me after giving birth,” perhaps the fact is that not enough time has passed. Wait a couple of months and intimacy will return.
If your child takes up all your time and thoughts, and your spouse has long faded into the background, try the following:
- While there is a ban on full-fledged sex life, engage in oral sex. This way, your husband will understand that he is still important to you, he will be able to fully relax, and mutual understanding will not leave the family.
- The birth of a baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Clean clothes, walks in the fresh air, simple but cute hair styling, at least minimal exercise will allow you to remain attractive, even if the child is capricious and demanding. You certainly cannot forget about yourself.
Less nervousness, more affection and interest in each other, and everything will be fine.
