How to let someone go from your thoughts. Psychologist's advice

Navigation through the article “How to let someone go?”:

• Why is it so hard to let go?
• How to let go of a person or the path to your own liberation
• Prevention from “sticking”

From the letter:

I loved one man. Long and painful. He didn’t say “yes” or “no”, he didn’t seem to hold on, but he didn’t let go either. Six years - between heaven and earth. Six years is a downer. This man himself disappeared from my life (he left for another country), but I am still with him in my thoughts.

I conduct silent dialogues, remember everything that happened between us. And I understand that that all-consuming feeling in my heart is no longer there, that I need to close this door and move on, but I continue to “hold” the man with manic persistence - look for his features in others, get hung up on the name (if my new acquaintance is not Alexander , then he has no chance)…

"Let him go!" - says the best friend, but does not explain how. And how can she explain if she herself is still attached to her ex-husband (although she stubbornly denies this)? They divorced three years ago, but Dasha is still interested in his affairs, tries to talk about life, looks at photos of his current passion on social networks, and talks a lot about him at girls’ get-togethers. And I know for sure that he doesn’t like it! After all, she herself fled from him like the plague! And now it won’t let go.

Tell us, women who don’t know how to do this - HOW to let go of a person , situation, past?

Margarita

Common situations, you will agree. Almost every one of us at least once in our lives has gone through a breakup and the need to let go of a loved one... This process is quite painful. Why is it so hard for us to let go? To understand this, it is worth understanding: what we are holding on to, what exactly we are tying ourselves to the object of our feelings, what this connection gives us and what prevents us from untangling it.

Why is it so hard to let go?

Why hold on to anything at all? To feel stable when you are not sure of yours.

Have you seen a baby who is about to take his first steps? He already walks well, holding on to his parent’s hand, wall or sofa, but has not yet decided to tear himself away from the support. If at this moment you give him a piece of paper and grab it, he will calmly step on his own (at such a young age, the child is able to focus on only one thing, and in this case it is the tactile sensation of an object that he can hold onto The baby is not yet able to see the illusory nature of the circumstances as a whole).

We adults also desperately need a feeling of support. And even if the support turns out to be imaginary (which you don’t want to realize), it will be scary to let go of it.

We are tied to our chosen one by our own expectations, that this particular person will satisfy all our needs, and that it is with him that happiness is possible.

When starting a relationship, we, willingly or unwillingly, draw pictures of a future together. And if the partner suddenly leaves, this supposed future collapses before our eyes, and the certainty that they managed to cling to is again replaced by the unknown - and this is scary.

When fleeing from anxiety, there is a great temptation (which often happens) to grab onto the last thread - hope, which is then extremely difficult to get rid of. On it you can swing the pendulum of your experiences for a long time and painfully: from fantasies and attempts to return your loved one to disappointment and resentment.

Learning to let go

You can leave on your own without wasting time, or you can wait for the moment when they leave you by loudly slamming the door. In any case, you need to deal with this and understand how to forgive and let go of the person with the least trauma to your heart. I would like to jump ahead right away: it won’t be possible without suffering. Not everything is smooth and sweet. We live in real life, where there is a place for both joys and sorrows. Our task is to soften the blow and get out of this situation with dignity.

Not every relationship has a happy ending, sometimes breaking up is also a victory.

Give vent to your emotions

What happened cannot be undone. And if such a thought has slipped through, then banish it from your head. Who said crying is bad? Tears are the best outlet for accumulated negative emotions. Whatever you feel, give free rein to your emotions. If you want to be angry, then be angry. If you want to cry, then cry until you feel relief. Release all suffering from yourself like cigarette smoke. Whatever contradiction torments your soul, no matter how much you wrestle with guesses and conjectures, sooner or later it will come to an end.

Don't remember only the good moments

Remembering only the good is very altruistic. But now is not the time to think about what is good and what is bad. You have to save yourself, which means forget about the best moments. A huge mistake also lies in the fact that we begin to embellish our past, fill in the details, and make it ideal. As a result, you miss the person you imagined for yourself and try to bring back a past that never existed. Do the opposite: remember how you were not appreciated. You will be confirmed in the correctness of your decision. This is only bad now, tomorrow it will become much easier, and the day after tomorrow you will find the happiness of your whole life. That is why all the pleasant moments need to be let go and thrown into a landfill. Release yourself from the trap of a positive past before you let your loved one go.

Protect yourself from people

Throw away all gifts and things that remind you of him. There is no need to torment your soul anymore. You will never gain the new until you get rid of the old. Old, dilapidated junk is not only in your soul, but also in your apartment. Remove anything that might upset you. Delete your phone number, cut off all contacts, even if it is very difficult. Burn bridges that might lead you to return to the person you don’t love. Neither you nor he need this.

Don't forget about yourself

Of course, you will remember a lot. This entire bitter stage will be devoted to getting rid of the past. But at the same time, you shouldn’t forget about yourself. It is you who will step into the future. Everything is in your hands. Therefore, give yourself a gift, fulfill your every whim, devote maximum time to yourself. This helps to abstract yourself from everything that torments you. Develop for your own good and to spite the one who left. Get better every day. You will think less about how to forgive and let go of a person, because at this stage he has already dissolved in the past.

Don't blame circumstances and people

Finding the reasons for the breakup is a completely natural process. However, we must remember that in a love relationship there are only two people involved, who are responsible for any outcome. Both are to blame. Do not attribute the blame to his friends who constantly prevented you from spending time together, to the boss who overloaded him or you with work, taking away personal time, circumstances... No one is to blame for anything. If people want to be together, they will never leave each other. If they left you and did not return, it means that the desire to be with you was not so strong.

Getting rid of the negative past is a bold step into a bright future

Ask friends for help

Is it unbearable to cope with such a heavy load alone? Ask friends for help. If you don't have reliable friends, make new ones. Paradoxically, in moments of despair, frustration and stress, it is easiest to make new contacts. Why? Because the person is depressed, he has reached the pain threshold and at the moment he is not worried about how he will look in the eyes of other people. He, like a drowning man, clutches at any straw. That is why he can easily communicate with new people, accepting their support. It's a paradox, but it works. If you have friends who are experienced in the question “How to let go and forget someone you still love,” this makes your task easier.

How to let go of a person or the path to your own liberation

• To let go of someone or something, you must first want to do it. This will become possible when the Adult inside you takes control, capable of looking at the situation from a detached perspective, assessing it sensibly and stopping deceiving yourself.
• Real progress is unlikely to happen without admitting one's powerlessness in the face of current circumstances. You need to understand for yourself what you can be responsible for yourself and what is not within your competence. You can control your own thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. But the emotions, actions, relationships of other people, as well as the course of life in general, are not subject to your control. Accepting this fact will be one of the signs of your emotional maturity.
• Feelings that you don't recognize or can't recognize control your life and sometimes destroy it. Therefore, it is important to see and deal with those emotions that prevent you from letting go of a person or situation. These could be fears: the unknown, loneliness, loss of control, or losing a part of yourself with the formation of a gaping emptiness inside. Feelings of resentment from unfulfilled expectations and hidden aggression also need to be brought out and lived through. Of course, you can work with negative experiences on your own, but it is much more effective to do this together with a psychologist.
• Don't try to suppress your feelings. This is fraught with the fact that along with negative experiences, all positive emotions will be blocked. By doing this you will only “freeze” yourself, which will prevent you from being open, enjoying life, and building normal relationships in the future. The remaining deep-seated fear of repetition of pain will block any potential attachments at the root.
• Let the feelings BE! Remember, in the book and film about Harry Potter there is a plant called “Hell's Snare”. It draws you into its nets, entwines you with stems and strangles you. And the more you resist, the more you fight, the stronger his grip. You can get rid of it only by taking a seemingly illogical action - relaxing and stopping the fight. The same thing happens with love networks.

Accordingly, how to let go of a person, situation, past? – You need to stop fighting the feelings that captivate you. On the contrary, it is better to immerse yourself in them, try to listen and understand what they are telling you, live them completely - live them to the point of emptiness (you yourself will decide what to fill the empty space inside, finding new opportunities for development, self-education and communication).

If strong emotions interfere with work or home activities, you can choose a specific time when you allow yourself to feel “to the fullest.”

Also, as a counterintuitive method, try making this a regular chore. Set a time, for example from 21:00 to 22:00, when you MUST remember the one you decided to let go.

Firstly, the rest of the time you will be free from your obsession, putting aside your thoughts for the treasured hour.

Secondly, you yourself know how our “guts” protest against any “obligation” and strive in every possible way to avoid it... In a word, watch what comes of it. The result may surprise you.

• Don't judge yourself for not being able to overcome your addiction yet. Take care of yourself as if you were a little sick but already recovering. Pamper yourself with various pleasures, take yourself out to people, take you to beautiful places, find interesting things to do.

• Give yourself time to go through all the stages of “grieving.” You can determine for yourself how long this process will take: a year and a half or several months. But it is important not to get stuck at any stage. If you feel that, having entered some kind of negative emotional state, you remain in it for too long, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.

I think you won’t miss the moment of final letting go, like a prisoner taking off his shackles or a balloon flying into the sky. A sigh of relief: there is no more pain, resentment, claims and expectations inside, there is only warmth and gratitude.

By ending a past relationship completely, you will be open to meeting another person. Having done this, you will no longer look at your new partner through the prism of previous connections, but will be able to accept him for who he is.

In order not to ask the question in the future: “How to let someone go?”, it is important to learn all the lessons from past experience and not repeat old mistakes.

Personal development

Resentment, claims, anger, indignation. Few can say that they have never experienced this. Many of these emotions and reactions leave deep wounds in the Soul for a long time. Sometimes they hurt unbearably, and constantly remind you of themselves.

How to forgive and let someone go? And why is it necessary to do this?

Reason #1

A person consists of many subpersonalities - our little “I” (see the article “I want to change my life or the Tale of the Golden Fish”.

I have already written that we receive most of our beliefs in childhood. We don’t remember any injuries - they were too small.

But they do not disappear anywhere, and one of our “I”s is frozen at the age of the injury received: several years, months or even days (there are also earlier injuries, when the baby is in the womb).

And it doesn’t matter how old we are - 20, 30, 40, or maybe 80 - as soon as a similar situation arises in life, resonating with previous experience, a small, traumatized child awakens in us and the emotion that he experienced at that moment.

We receive a fair amount of trauma throughout our lives. But this is not a reason to consider yourself an unfortunate Victim.

Let's try to look at everything that happens to us from the other side.

This may seem unusual to some.

Our Soul comes to this world to receive its Lessons and experience the chosen Emotional Experience. Therefore, we are born in a certain country, at a certain time, to certain parents.

And everyone’s Start in life is different. It is at the beginning of the Path that we receive most of the Beliefs that shape our subsequent experience.

Our task is to understand which of them are true, and where we are mistaken.

The problem is that if we believe in something, we no longer question our faith and act as if it were the Truth!

Our Reality always reflects our Beliefs!

For example, if a little girl has the idea that she is not loved (or betrayed), she will unconsciously attract situations and people into her life who will confirm this every time.

The more evidence, the stronger her Conviction will be! And the stronger it is, the more similar situations there are!

This will continue until the Illumination comes: “It’s not about my Offenders!” And in my Beliefs!

If we look from these positions, we should feel Gratitude for the Souls of those people whom we attracted into our life scenario. They played in it exactly the Role that we prepared for them.

They are the ones who show us what we should pay attention to. And as soon as we Understand and Accept this, such situations disappear from our lives. They are no longer relevant. The behavior of former “Offenders” is also changing. After all, the lesson has been learned!

So, ask your “Offenders” for forgiveness and thank them!

After all, in relation to someone we can play exactly the same Role (although we don’t realize it)!

We are all both Students and Teachers in this Life!

We are accustomed to judging our own and others’ actions only from the point of view of social laws, social norms and formed ideas: “What is correct?” But there are also laws of the Universe.

Sometimes it is worth rising a little above our grievances and seeing the Higher Meaning of what is happening to us.

When we look from the position of the Victim, one picture unfolds before us. And although it is not very encouraging, many people get stuck in this position. And they do not admit to themselves or others that it is beneficial to them (you can always blame someone else).

If we become an Explorer, we see many more connections! And not just one picture, but a Whole Panel.

When viewed from the position of the Researcher, the question is: “ How to forgive and let go of a person?” “Perhaps it will disappear on its own.

Because the understanding will come that: “I am the Director of my Life. So is it worth it to be offended by your own Creation?”

Reason #2

We are all connected to the Universal Source of Energy. The higher a person’s vibrations, the greater the Flow he receives. And vibrations, in turn, are directly related to our thoughts and feelings. If they are positive, then our vibrations are high!

Now imagine a glass of clean water into which you pour dirt.

In much the same way, our own negative vibrations reduce the quality of the Energy received.

If you are in a state of Resentment, Anger, Anger, Claims to Life (even if hidden deep in the subconscious), then you exist in low frequency energies. It is these energies that create blocks in our body. As a result, the energy flow is significantly reduced.

And this cannot but affect health and well-being!

More and more scientists are coming to understand that most diseases are the result of negative Thinking!

We are used to thinking: “A healthy mind in a healthy body!”

Quite the contrary! A healthy Spirit is an indicator of a healthy body!

You can be an example of caring for your body, and at the same time, filled with toxic thoughts that gradually destroy both your mind and health.

Have you noticed how quickly oncology is developing?

Statistics say that over the past 10 years, cancer cases have increased 1.5 times. And if you look at data from 20-30 years ago, this figure is even higher.

Indeed, when I began to remember my friends, I realized that there are practically no families that, to one degree or another, would not be affected by this problem. My uncle and his wife also died from this disease.

Very often, cancer patients carry grudges in their souls, and are unable to forgive their Offenders (sometimes, the people closest to them). As a result, this negative emotion becomes a “trigger” that launches a fatal disease.

So, the basis of most diseases is psychosomatics.

I read studies by German scientists who worked with cancer patients for a long time. And they have a completely different approach to their treatment: they worked with the cause of the disease.

There is plenty of evidence that cancer can be cured if a person changes the way they think. Surgery alone cannot guarantee a successful outcome if there is no understanding: “Why have I been given this disease? What is she showing me?

And in conclusion, one more argument: why you need to forgive and let a person go.

Reason #3

Relationships between people are a constant exchange of energy. If we treat a person with Love, Gratitude, Respect, it fills both of us with High Vibration Energy.

Any negative emotion towards another is like a boomerang. She always returns to her Source.

We are all living people. And it is natural that we have emotions. It is absolutely normal when we express anger or anger. It’s one thing if we let them out, defused ourselves, sorted things out, and that was the end of it. And it’s completely different when an emotion is repressed into the unconscious, and everything goes into a chronic stage.

At the same time, every time you remember or see a person, your mood deteriorates, unpleasant thoughts and sensations arise in your body.

We feed our Thought Forms. Imagine that at this moment an invisible Energy Connection is formed between you and him.

It resembles a tube or a thick cord that stretches from you to the Offender.

You can be connected in the heart, throat, solar plexus or any other place (according to sensations).

And your energy flows imperceptibly along this cord. In fact, every time you voluntarily de-energize yourself, indulging in unpleasant memories.

Now think:

“If there are a lot of grievances, how many of these streams (from very small to very intense) leave you?

Where and what does your energy flow to? Who are you making worse by being offended by other people?”

If the other person also remains in a state of Resentment, Guilt or other Negative vibration, guess what kind of energy will return to you? Like attracts like!

Even if you do not experience negative emotions towards a person, but on his part you feel them very strongly, this indicates that one of your subpersonalities still resonates at a low vibration (with Sincere Forgiveness, this will no longer affect you)

This is due to the fact that our Upbringing or some Beliefs do not allow us to openly show negative emotions, and they are hidden in the depths of the unconscious. Outwardly we may seem calm, but deep down a volcano will rage. There is no need to delve into the past. If something offends you in other people’s attitude towards you, this indicates Resonance.

In this case, you also need to Sincerely and with all your Soul forgive the person and interrupt the negative energy exchange. It is possible that you will realize the reason for this attitude a little later. In the meantime, don't let yourself waste your energy!

We feel good only when high vibration energies are exchanged! Anything else does not benefit anyone!

By the way, it is very important to end all your relationships in this way (even those that ended a long time ago). If you had a close relationship with a person, and then, for various reasons, you broke up, it is better to do the practice of Jack Makani (see the next article).

I have paid attention many times: if a person deals with his grievances and sincerely forgives, amazing things happen in his life.

Quite often, after you have Forgave and Asked for Forgiveness yourself, and also Interrupted the negative energy exchange, “like Greetings from the Past,” former partners or Offenders appear. And it is this meeting that is a kind of test of how sincere you were in your desire to forgive this person. If you do not experience any unpleasant emotions, then the test has been passed!

After Forgiveness, relationships with relatives and loved ones improve (after all, our best Teachers receive the most complaints).

The more you clear yourself of your Grievances and Claims, and forever renounce the role of the Victim, the more weight you throw off your shoulders.

When you sincerely forgive and admit that this situation was created by your own Soul in order to receive the necessary Lessons and Experiences, changes happen in life very quickly.

There is a feeling of Wings behind your Back: situations that previously seemed insoluble are resolved surprisingly easily and quickly. Energy comes from somewhere! And the actions of many people appear in a completely different light!

In the next article - Jack Makani's Practice “Liberation from Addictions”.

ALL THE BEST!

WITH THANKS! ARINA

How do emotions and words affect our lives?

I want to change my life. But as? part 1

I want to change my life or Who are you? part 3

Subpersonalities. Or I’m quietly having a conversation with myself....part 4

I want to change my Life. Postscript.

Not satisfied with the relationship? What to do?

Self acceptance

Behavioral flexibility, part 1

Behavioral flexibility, part 2

Labyrinths of our life

To be right or to be happy?

How to learn to understand other people?

Parable "Mirror World"

Prevention from “sticking”

• Take it as an axiom: expectations don’t work. It makes no sense to expect specific actions, words, or emotions from your partner. You are you, and he is him. No one is obligated to meet your expectations, just as you are not obligated to meet anyone else’s.
• Don't make other people responsible for your feelings. Remember that you choose the emotions you want to experience. It is not you who are angry or offended, but you who are angry or offended.
• Don’t create illusions: if someone behaves as if he doesn’t care about you, it means he really doesn’t care about you, and you shouldn’t justify him in your eyes and try to change him. There are other worthy contenders around.
• Do not exceed your powers, you are only a participant in the general Stream of life. Agree, the river has no malicious intent to break someone’s destiny. You can harm yourself by standing across its current. Your task is to learn to swim or control your boat in order to fit into all the bends and turns of the River of Life and to pass its rocky rapids as safely as possible.
• In order not to interfere with the Stream taking you to the desired shores, it is enough to change tactics: switch the focus of your attention from control to observation . Feel like a hunter recognizing the signs of Fate. If you no longer like the situation, do not continue moving - you will fall into a trap. Take what happened as a SIGN that your behavior and direction need to change. Having stopped focusing your gaze on one point, you will begin to notice many other people and opportunities around you that can bring you closer to your desired goals (of course, when the goal is not a specific person, but, for example, the intention to build harmonious relationships and get married).

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“How to let someone go?”

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“How to let someone go?”

Why you need to learn to let people go

Many people absolutely do not understand how you can let go of the person you love. They sincerely believe that if you put in the right effort, you can achieve reciprocity. Namely, to make you fall in love. This is the main mistake.

How to let someone go?

No matter how much they try to feed you buckwheat, which you can’t stand, you won’t be able to love it. Maybe out of a sense of duty or politeness you will eat a spoonful of this cereal, but you won’t do it all the time. Even if you paint buckwheat white and convince yourself that it is rice, you cannot fool your taste preferences.

If this example is not convincing for you, then here is something worth thinking about:

• Instead of happiness, you will only feel dissatisfaction, suffering, self-pity and resentment.
• No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you cannot force the other to reciprocate.
• A person who is being forced to do something he doesn't want will gradually become irritable and stop respecting you. Eventually, you will destroy your self-esteem and become accustomed to being humiliated.
• All you're doing is prolonging your agony.
• At one point, your depressed state will lead to health problems.

• Perhaps your life has already become practically uninteresting to you. If you don’t stop in time, you can derail your life: fly out of university, lose your job, neglect yourself. This is not what you dreamed of, is it?
• You are losing your most precious resource - time. Therefore, the sooner you let go of the one you are so desperately trying to hold on to, the sooner you can take advantage of the chance for a new life or mutual love.

Relationships should bring happiness and joy. It is important to remember that every person is worthy of love. And every person deserves to be real, and not break themselves for the sake of others.

Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations

There are several techniques and techniques that help to let a person go.

How to forgive an insult?

First of all, you need to try to understand him, think about why he acted one way or another, what reasons could have led to this.

You need to take his place , then answers to many questions will appear.

There is an exercise that helps you get rid of resentment and forget the past. You need to sit back and relax, imagine your loved one opposite you.

should be presented. It is necessary to imagine in all details that a person is being punished and he apologizes. This picture can bring satisfaction. It is quite possible that the resentment will pass, and thus it will be possible to let go of the past.

At this time, you should not withdraw into yourself and refuse to have fun. You should go with friends to a club, cafe, cinema, or go on a trip. This will be real medicine for the soul.

Is it possible to leave a partner who doesn't love you?

First of all, it is recommended to thank the object of adoration for everything . There is no need to blame him for what happened. This won't help fix the situation. We need to thank him for the feelings we experienced and move on.

It is necessary to let go of anger and resentment. A person was given experience so that he could gain certain knowledge and draw conclusions. We must realize that it was not in vain , now another life is coming, where there is only room for joy.

It is recommended to take a piece of paper and write down what good this person did, for which you can be grateful.

Not everything is as bad as it seems. he will be liked and aroused sympathy .

You need to remember the positive moments, and then tell yourself that nothing can happen to this person in the future. What happened is left behind.

Meditation helps a lot . You need to sit in silence, relaxed, turn on calm music. This will help you dive into yourself and restore the health of your nervous system.

Frequent meditation will bring back joy and good spirits. Breaking up won't hurt so much anymore.

How to let go and forget? Recommendations:

How to let go of your loved one?

There are different situations in life. At first, love seems unearthly and eternal, and then the girl declares that she no longer experiences those feelings and leaves . This causes real torment and is not easy to cope with.

In order to recover as quickly as possible and get rid of the pain inside, you need to say thank you to the girl for the feelings and emotions she gave her.

Don't blame her for wanting to leave.

No longer experiences the same things as before. We need to try to understand her and wish her happiness in the future.

If there are joint photos or things left , they get rid of them immediately; it is better to delete joint photos from social networks so that it doesn’t hurt.

We need to tune in to the future and imagine that our main love is still ahead.

How to get rid of love addiction? Find out about this from our article.

How to stop loving and let go of a girl who doesn't love you? Useful tips:

How to forget the guy you love?

Breaking up is very difficult for girls, much more difficult than for guys or men. The thing is that girls are more sensitive and sentimental. However, this does not give a reason to withdraw into oneself.

To let go and forget a guy, you need to stop being offended by him. He gave many bright feelings and joyful moments. Everything was not as bad as it might seem later.

We need to understand the reason for the separation and try to understand the young man. It was not by chance that he decided to leave, he had his own reasons. You need to try to let him go and get rid of thoughts about him.

Photos are taken together, things are put away. They will only make things worse. It’s also better to remove the guy’s phone number from the list of numbers so that you don’t want to call him.

Even better - go shopping with your friends , buy new clothes, cosmetics, or visit a beauty salon. Taking care of yourself will help you overcome your internal crisis.

Staying home in a bad mood and refusing to go out with friends is a bad idea. It is much better to enjoy life and be open to the happiness that lies ahead.

Ways to get rid of unrequited love in this video: