Grown-up children bring parents a sea of new discoveries and experiences. My son goes on dates! What to do? - a subtle question. Or the daughter is still waiting for love and is sad. Whatever one may say - nothing but excitement. We invite you to understand the topic of teenage love together: what to say, what to keep silent about, and where to lay down the straws.
Surely you have not forgotten your first love - so pure and bright that it seemed: this love is forever! And the chosen one or chosen one was in your eyes the most ideal people in the world. Or remember those eternal questions and doubts: what did he say? how did she look? Longing for love, anticipation and anticipation of love is an important part of the life of your big child.
“The time has come - she fell in love”
For a baby, the most important thing is to be with his mother, for a preschooler it is to play, and in adolescence it is very important to communicate with friends and acquaintances. During adolescence, a child is preparing to go out into the big world, and he hones his communication skills with his peers: the ability to defend himself, establish contact, achieve his goal, win over the person he likes. And this is a very valuable experience.
Another factor: hormonal changes are in full swing in the child’s body. The voice breaks, a mustache grows, breasts, nose and everything else grow, menstruation and wet dreams begin - in general, nature takes its toll. All this makes it very difficult to study, help mom with housework, and be an easy-going son or daughter. Biological potential is asking to come out, and teenagers, willy-nilly, begin to look closely at the opposite sex. It is not surprising that it is at this time that they encounter their first love.
Many girls and boys are simply overwhelmed by the anticipation of love. They don’t know with whom, when or how, but they are waiting for this great feeling that will illuminate their life. So first love is inevitable and necessary. It’s as if she opens a dam of passions and brings young people into the world of adult experiences that they have to master. And if a teenager does not fall in love, does not suffer from unrequited love and does not worry about its complete absence, then the big question is whether this is good. After all, it is better to “unpack and install” feelings that are important for life at a young age, when a person is hot, resilient and capable of much.
Teenage crush
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It’s not for nothing that people say, “little children are little troubles.” As your yesterday's baby grows, more and more new troubles and problems appear. Just yesterday, my mother was looking for answers to questions related to raising her baby. And today she is feverishly looking for any information about such a phenomenon as the manifestation of love among teenagers 14 years old, and sometimes even younger.
No matter how parents deny the fact that their child has grown up, and no matter how much they drive away the idea of teenagers possibly falling in love, almost no one can avoid it. Don't believe me? Try to strain your memory and remember yourself at this age. Surely, you will remember your first love - so pure and bright, when it seemed that this love would last forever. And the chosen one or chosen one seemed to be the most ideal people in the world.
So why do parents, having heard that their child has encountered his first love, refuse to believe this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents begin to prove to their child that he is still too young for love, that this is not love at all, without listening to any persuasion and admonitions from their child. But this is not the worst thing parents can do.
A much bigger mistake, which is quite common, is ridiculing the child’s feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be the saddest. Moreover, the loss of mutual understanding and contact between parents and their child is far from the worst option. Sometimes, unfortunately, a desperate teenager in love may even try to commit suicide. Especially if this very first love turns out to be unrequited.
Also, very often the chosen one or chosen one of your child becomes a cause for disagreement. In almost all cases, this has been the case for a long time, but their parents do not like the choice of children at all. Those parents who turn out to be a little wiser than others prefer to keep all criticism about the choice of their son or daughter to themselves. However, alas, most often parents, during emotional input, without particularly choosing words and expressions, tell the child everything they think about his significant other.
As a result, a difficult, tense psychological situation reigns in the house - the parents have endless conversations in the spirit of “mama didn’t grow the berries for him,” the child snaps. Agree – it’s far from the brightest prospect. And in order not to find themselves in such an unpleasant situation, parents must be fully armed.
After all, it often happens that all parental dissatisfaction and anxiety turn out to be absolutely justified. Unfortunately, no matter how parents might want it, the social circle of modern teenagers is quite large and includes not only positive boys and girls.
And for some reason, very often teenagers choose their soul mates from the so-called antipodes - people completely opposite to themselves. Look around - you will probably remember several couples in which the partners, at first glance, seem completely unsuitable for each other. The boy is an excellent student, a university student, dating a poorly educated and rather promiscuous high school student. Or, on the contrary, a girl - a Komsomol member, a pioneer and simply a beauty who doted on the first bastard and hooligan of the yard.
Sometimes their friendships and relationships are completely innocent and do absolutely no harm to the teenager. However, this is not always the case, unfortunately. How many times have teenagers, trying to be like their significant other, started smoking, trying alcoholic beverages, and even drugs. But this is not a complete list of what a child who finds himself in a socially disadvantaged environment may be drawn into.
So that, to the best of their ability, parents can prevent such situations, support their child morally, and where it is really necessary, control the child, or, on the contrary, give him a little more will, and you need to know everything about such things as teenagers falling in love.
Signs of a teenager falling in love
Child and family psychologists unanimously assert that adolescence is one of the most difficult years both for the child himself and for all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is during adolescence that a child begins to actively manifest such a character trait as teenage negativism.
It manifests itself in the fact that the teenager begins to question absolutely all the words of adults and tries to refute them, not in discussion, but in practice. Mom says smoking is bad for your health? This means that you need to smoke and see in six months what comes of it. Dad said that you need to be home no later than ten o'clock in the evening? We should try coming at 11 and see what happens.
In addition, almost all teenagers at some point begin to feel that adults are meddling too much not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several basic taboos that psychologists strongly recommend against breaking:
· Do not rummage through children's things - pockets, bags, desk drawers. Remember that the child will most likely perceive this behavior as a manifestation of the parents' distrust of him.
· The same is true for mobile phones and computers - don't rummage through them. Believe me, if your teenage child wants to watch porn videos, he will watch them anyway, not at home, but with friends.
Otherwise, your child will close within himself more tightly than a clam in its shell. After all, even if the relationship between parents and children is simply ideal, in adolescence they still try not to let their parents into their lives again. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that your child has fallen in love only by signs of falling in love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So, these signs include:
· Child's time at home
If previously your child could spend days on end reading a book or at the computer, but recently he has increasingly begun to disappear away from home, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he has fallen in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion.
In such a case, the parents’ biggest mistake would be prohibitions on spending time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for quite a long time, both the parents and the teenager will experience hassle.
It makes much more sense to give your child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, one should never forget about the boundaries of what is reasonable - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least half an hour later than usual. Believe me, he will definitely appreciate your trust!
· Increased phone talk time
Often, when a teenager gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. Moreover, if previously the child, without any regard, talked on the phone in your presence, now he tries to leave the room or at least move a little further away from you so that you do not hear the conversation.
Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, for the most part, all these conversations are essentially completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. There is no need to worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after youthful maximalism disappears.
· Request for more pocket money
As a rule, this point is fair for boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other “charms” of modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay their own expenses for dates. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, even if he is still very young.
Try, to the best of your family’s financial capabilities, to give your son a little more money so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least pay for her travel on public transport. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek the opportunity to find money.
And if we take into account the fact that not always a teenager can earn money, parents should seriously think about it. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, but in the worst case, the son may become involved in various illegal actions, and as a result he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, it’s unlikely that you want this?
· Teenager's mood
A change in a teenager's mood may also indicate that he or she is falling in love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. If the first love is mutual, the child feels a certain euphoria and is constantly in high spirits, which is very difficult for him to spoil.
But if the object of sympathy does not reciprocate the teenage crush, the picture may be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly depressed and may refuse to go for walks or eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that adolescents’ perception of the world is still completely different from that of adults.
And if an adult woman, who has broken up with her passion, despite the sobs, happily discusses all his shortcomings with her friend and agrees that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to his parents’ attempt to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely withdraw into himself. And even just an attempt by a mother or father to console a child can cause a reaction of protest. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.
For example, if you have the opportunity, send your child somewhere to relax - a change of environment is very helpful even for adults, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him what he has wanted for a long time - a computer, a new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself - no matter how mortal the child’s mental wound may seem, very soon he will calm down and forget his first unhappy love.
· Appearance of a teenager
One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday your son wasn’t particularly concerned about the cleanliness of his shoes, but today he can look in them like he’s looking in a mirror? Has your daughter suddenly started asking you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love.
It is during this period that quite serious conflicts between parents and children often arise. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child began to more carefully monitor his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - he dyes his hair in unimaginable shades, pierces all kinds of parts of his body, and puts on unimaginable clothes.
Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the likelihood of ruining the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept the child with all his experiments - very soon they will pass, since they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and finding oneself.
If you can’t stand such creativity at all, try inviting your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least slightly adjust the teenager’s appearance. And speaking of shopping, try not to skimp on your child’s wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. And children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the general crowd and who does not have this or that fashionable item is an absolutely normal practice for them.
Of course, this list of signs of possible teenage love is very arbitrary. Often all these changes occur during adolescence, regardless of whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from home and constant fluctuations in the child’s emotional background. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems, including drug use.
In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs there are, the higher the likelihood that the child is really in love. And very often the best way to find out is to ask the child an open question. But as you remember, if he does not want to answer it, you should not insist and try to get into the child’s soul - you can only push him away from you.
How should parents behave?
As you can already see, falling in love almost always causes changes in teenagers, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents react to this situation? Let her take her course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences.
Interfere? However, even here, parents may face pitfalls - the child will think that you do not trust him or are overprotective. And this also often leads to various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents follow the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of love. And they don’t pay much attention to such little things as a damaged relationship with their own offspring, believing that everything will work out on its own.
However, such behavior tactics are far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can pass completely without a trace. However, in reality this is not at all the case - the child simply hides his resentment deep in the subconscious. And then, many years later, you shouldn’t wonder why your child pays you “protocol” courtesy visits several times a year, blaming it on being too busy.
However, this is not the most unpleasant of all that such a line of behavior can result in. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adulthood, having become parents themselves, will involuntarily, at the subconscious level, repeat the behavior of their parents. And that means their mistakes.
To prevent such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:
· Get to know your child's crush
If you are lucky and know exactly who your child is in love with, try to get to know him. Advise your child to invite your chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to have a family dinner. The children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no point in organizing “bride shows”.
Dating is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when meeting someone, it turns out that a person is actually much better than he seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair there is a completely modest girl who is trying to realize herself in a similar way. And behind the appearance of a guy - a hooligan - there is a young man who catches every word and glance of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.
· Meet your child's friends
Those parents who know their child’s environment are in a very advantageous position. Try to get to know all, or almost all, of his friends - and you will have at least a rough idea of the social circle in which your child moves. This means you will already know roughly what to expect and what to prepare for.
However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that the child will bring them to you one by one for acquaintance, as if for interrogation. But if you are organizing a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will probably have a great opportunity not only to see with your own eyes almost all your loved ones, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, “advanced” parents.
However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little freedom. Stay for a while and go to the cinema or visit - leave the teenagers alone. Believe me, nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will certainly appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every possible way to justify it and not lose it. And such a small holiday will have a very positive effect on your relationship with your child.
· Refrain from criticism
It may well be that when you meet, you will only be convinced that you were right, and the other half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, or your son that his girlfriend is just a dummy. In this way, you will achieve nothing, but will only push the child away from you. Moreover, to spite you, your child will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest goes away on its own, naturally.
But it wouldn’t hurt to talk frankly with your child. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much to their chosen one or chosen one. Under no circumstances should you ridicule your child’s arguments, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.
· Don't read notations
Another very common mistake many parents make is turning a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecture. Agree, few people will like the situation when they come to a loved one with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, they receive a moralizing sermon.
Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist “soul-saving” conversations, under no circumstances give in to the impulse. Be sure to listen to your child and try to give him truly correct and useful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first love will pass quite quickly, but restoring the lost trust of a child is extremely difficult, and sometimes even completely unrealistic.
· Let your child get his own bumps
Of course, no parent wants their child to have to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should not do this under any circumstances! No matter how much you want it, you cannot simply physically protect your child from all the dangers that may await him along the long path of life.
So maybe it really makes sense to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain his own life experience, even minimal? At least for now, the child is next to you, and you will be able to provide him with the necessary help. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you will not be able to help him in such situations. So why take risks and deprive your child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?
· Don't interfere with teenagers' relationships
Under no circumstances should you try to make any effort to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice this type of behavior. Intrigues, gossip, slander, slander - parents are ready to do anything to cause a rift between young people.
However, this is very fraught with negative consequences. If you try to turn your child against his significant other, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared to be shunned and avoided in every possible way. The child will completely and completely try to protect his personal life from your presence.
The reaction to even the most innocuous question like “where are you going?” will only make the child want to snap. The child will begin to hide everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, on which the parents and the teenager will become opponents.
Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter’s parents, and for her in the first place. There are often cases when a girl deliberately gets pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at 15–16 years old, parents are forced to either give their permission to marry or even send their daughter for an abortion.
But this is not the best way either. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, has an extremely negative impact on the woman’s health, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. You shouldn’t focus on the medical aspects - everyone probably knows about them very well.
And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult period in her life. Hormonal changes, and even first love, are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl completely uncontrollable. She can simply, simply, pack up and go live with her boyfriend. And consider yourself very lucky if your daughter’s chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in a neighboring house, and you regularly meet his parents in the nearest store.
What if not? If you have a very vague idea of what kind of person the guy your daughter is in love with is? What if he lives wherever he has to, works part-time, doing not very legal things, or hitchhikes? Think about it - where will you look for your daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all some kind of horror stories for parents, but do occur, and, alas, are not so rare.
In the event that you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter breaks up with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childhood resentment makes itself felt - the child may periodically, as a rule, precisely during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this act of yours.
· Tell your child about your first love
If you categorically refuse to accept your child’s choice, remember this. That notations and moralizing in a conversation are under no circumstances acceptable. So try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And don’t skimp on words - tell us in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about your experiences, plans and hopes, about your first dates and first kiss.
Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love - his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that both parents—mother and father—talk about this.
Why is this necessary, you ask? And with such stories, you will in any case make the child involuntarily think about what. It is quite possible that his first love will not last forever. After all, a child’s life is just beginning – and who knows how it will turn out next. However, under no circumstances give examples from someone else’s life - there is no point in pointing to the neighbor’s girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. The child will most likely perceive such an example as just another “lecture” on the topic of morality.
· Increase your child's self-esteem
Most often, in order for a child to part with his passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the teenager’s beloved. And be sure to vigorously discuss them among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes they are also constantly pointed out to the child.
But such tactics are doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little of what is around them. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love in general is very prone to idealizing a partner. Don't believe me? Remember yourself at the peak of love.
And your child will also deny even the most obvious negative aspects of the object of love. Moreover, he will probably think that you are deliberately slandering in order to quarrel between them. And this will almost inevitably lead to a huge number of misunderstandings, misunderstandings and conflicts between you and your child.
It is much wiser to do things differently. Don't scold your teenager's crush. And praise the child himself. Give praise as often as possible. Praise for any trifle, even if sometimes a little exaggerated - your praise is very important for the child, as it allows him to feel much more confident.
And if a child is confident in himself, in his abilities, that he is smart enough, handsome, well dressed, then he will evaluate both boys and girls in approximately the same way. And he will definitely evaluate his boyfriend or girlfriend closely. And it may well happen that he himself will reassess his values and part with his first love.
· Try to become a friend to your child
No matter how the situation develops, remember that a good relationship with your child should come first. Try to become a true friend for him, to whom the child can turn in difficult times and receive advice and support, and not moralizing and reproach.
Believe me, you can give your child much more useful advice and keep him from rash hasty actions and mistakes much more effectively than his exactly the same young and inexperienced friends. And it depends only on you whether the child turns to you for this help, or goes to friends with his worries.
Be that as it may, parents, whether they like it or not, need to come to terms with the fact that the time has come and their child has matured significantly. They need to take this fact for granted and take it into account when building a relationship with the child. After all, the process of a child growing up has just begun, and first love is only the first test not only for you, but also for your child.
Prepared by N.V. Melkova, a psychiatrist at the Khanty-Mansi Autonomous Okrug-Yugra Psychoneurological Hospital named after the Holy Martyr Elizabeth.
Boys: catch up and fall in love
Boys in matters of love behave seemingly strange and illogical. Attraction is often expressed in them in a crude form - especially at the tender age of 12-14 years. The fact is that at first they themselves do not understand what is happening to them and where to put these feelings.
Out of ignorance and inability to express his attitude, out of fear of looking funny, a boy can pinch and push the girl he likes, call her names or ask a lot of stupid questions, and lock her in the school toilet. In front of the girl, the boy behaves defiantly, trying to look like a hero. He can look at the girl for a long time, come very close, violating boundaries, and accidentally touch her.
Girls: turn up your nose and pretend
Girls, as a rule, understand everything perfectly. They seem to know in advance: if a boy stares sternly at her, takes away her bag and runs away laughing, it’s a no brainer that he’s fallen in love. And girls, to whom boys do not pay attention even in such a rude manner, feel deprived and offended. Often they try to draw attention to themselves and provoke the guys to respond.
Here's another paradox: a girl who is being pestered by a young suitor demonstrates her attention - by ignoring her! Turning her back to him, she shows that she understands everything, strengthens his feelings and gives him hope for the continuation of this strange game. But at the same time, he avoids communication, because none of the children is yet clear how to behave and what to talk about in a situation of falling in love.
Sometimes girls are not inferior to boys in active attempts to please. They laugh loudly next to the boy and demonstrate their fighting nature; they can tease and tease the boy, especially when teaming up with their friends. More timid girls try to attract attention with a mysterious appearance, a new hairstyle or clothes, as if by chance they find themselves nearby during extracurricular activities.
How long does teenage love last?
A teenager's first love is his first emotional attachment to a person who is not a member of his family. Therefore, the novelty of these strong feelings is remembered by him for the rest of his life, regardless of whether the passion was mutual, happy or unhappy.
First love is considered pure. Partly due to the fact that the image of the beloved is romanticized and seen as ideal. In addition, it is not clouded by the experience of separation, the bitterness of separation. After all, first love does not yet know these painful sensations and feelings. They're ahead.
There is an opinion that the first hobby does not last long. In the vast majority of cases, this is exactly what happens: teenage love cannot cope with the trials that befall it. As teenagers themselves say, in their relationships with the opposite sex everything is quite complicated. This is partly explained by changes that are associated with the formation of a teenager’s personality, which affects the formation of criteria for choosing a partner. Over time, they become clearer and more meaningful. A growing person begins to understand that next to him is not the one with whom he would like to share his joys and sorrows. The partner becomes uninteresting, causes disappointment, and subsequently outright irritation, which teenagers do not consider it necessary to hide. Relationships fall apart.
However, not all first romances end in breakup. It also happens that falling in love, which adults often do not take seriously, develops into a mature relationship. If partners respect each other and build relationships on trust and mutual assistance, they manage to maintain friendship and love for many years. Therefore, it is possible that youthful passion will become the basis for a strong, long-term marriage.
Adolescence is called the period of “sturm und drang”. And indeed it is. The “game of hormones” makes young people hostages of the situation: with all their desire, they cannot react calmly to the events of their lives and the surrounding reality, which is expressed in bright outbursts of youthful maximalism and conflict. Against this background, falling in love for the first time becomes a real school of life for teenagers. Yesterday's child learns to communicate with the opposite sex, share his feelings, compromise, and love. In order for him to graduate from this school successfully, he needs the support of experienced, patient, loving mentors - his family and friends.
Exploring feelings at a tender age
In early adolescence, 11-13 years old, children rarely express their sympathies. They are still very poorly aware of their feelings and cannot overcome their stiffness. And they are also afraid to confront the ridicule of their friends. Therefore, communication during this period often becomes same-sex: boys with boys, girls with girls.
Older teenagers 14-16 years old communicate with each other more openly. They already understand their emotions better and know that they can get attention without being rude or pinched or laughing loudly for the whole school to hear. At this age, real research into relationships begins: how to approach a person, what to talk about, how not to be boring or intrusive. What will help me please and get to know a person better? How to look after and accept advances? When is it time to kiss? Is my lover really imperfect? How to survive this?! This is a very important experience and should be welcomed.
How to behave correctly as parents: recommendations from psychologists
The main task of parents is to help a teenager in love survive this important stage of life. Advice from psychologists will help maintain trust between you and peace in the family:
- Build partnerships. Do not put yourself above the child, do not put pressure on experience and age. Say that you have practice in relationships with the opposite sex; you are ready to share secrets with your teenager. But give the information as advice, not as an order to action.
- Accept your teen's choices. Even if you don’t like a girl or boy, you don’t need to attack or judge your child’s choice. Ask who he (she) is, what her (his) parents do, and so on. The teenager will see the interest of his mother or father and will consult with his parents.
- Tell us about your first love. If it was unrequited and ended quickly, be sure to remember your experiences. This will help the child prepare for possible tragedy in their relationship.
- Talk to your teenager about sex. Have a conversation without hesitation, in advance. So that the peace of the family is not disturbed by unpleasant surprises associated with the girl’s early pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.
- If love remains unanswered, the child looks for the reason in himself, withdraws from communication, interest him in sports, distract him. No need to say that his feelings are nothing, there are a million more girls (boys) like him. Just be there. If the experiences are too strong, prolonged, or the child does not sleep well, seek psychological help from a specialist.
Teenagers' first love is characterized by sincerity and strength. Children immerse themselves in it headlong. It is very difficult for parents to delicately control their child’s behavior, but they need to make every effort to do so. Your support and understanding will definitely be appreciated later.
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Spring love aggravation
At school age, falling in love is a massive, rapidly spreading phenomenon. Especially often the wave of love rises in the spring. If a boy and a girl appear in the class, seriously passionate about each other, then you will soon find that there are more and more couples in love.
This happens not so much because the time has come and feelings have awakened. This is just how you can rise in the eyes of your classmates (and in your own eyes), feel more significant, and catch the envious glances of girlfriends or boyfriends who have not yet had this. But this usually has little relation to real love experiences.
Teenage love
Young people are not always ready to share their love experiences with their parents. You can find out that Cupid has captivated a young heart by the following signs:
From a fan of computer games, he suddenly turned into a connoisseur of walking in the fresh air. Interrogation with bias and prohibitions on the part of parents will contribute to the loss of trust
It is necessary to announce to the rebel in love the time limits of his dates. If, while communicating on the phone, a child constantly strives for privacy, this indicates that he has an object of desire. Close attention to your appearance, hairstyle and wardrobe, the desire to look bright, stylish, and fashionable can be indirect signs of sympathy. A teenager's request to increase his allowance should alert parents. Money may be needed not only for dates, but also if he seeks to declare his “adulthood” with the help of harmful inclinations: smoking and alcohol. Contraceptives found by parents in a teenager should not provoke their hysterical reaction
This will only create a barrier in the relationship that will be very difficult to overcome.
In adolescence, physical development does not correspond at all to mental and social development. It may seem that outwardly young people are already ready for mature feelings and their development, but in fact this is not the case. They don't realize that to build a relationship, you need to learn to control your instincts. Love should not be like an uncontrollable element that breaks everything in its path.
Parents need to convey the idea to their children that physical intimacy is a consequence of harmonious relationships between lovers, their new round. A necessary condition for sex is the moral and psychological maturity of young people, which consists of a number of aspects. The first of them is the ability and willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions and their consequences, for a loved one. Teenagers are not able to take on such responsibility, if only because they are financially dependent on their parents.
Unfortunately, in modern society, where the media is engaged in the promotion of sex, early sexual intercourse is far from uncommon. Sexual freedom is associated with sexual permissiveness. In order to justify promiscuity, young people tend to equate love and sex. The task of parents is to prevent the replacement of true values with false ones. This is the only opportunity to form a correct idea of love among teenagers.
