Why does the husband cheat, but does not leave the family? Advice from psychologists on how to behave as a wife

Faced with a partner’s betrayal when the relationship is in a romantic period, a woman most often immediately leaves the unfaithful gentleman and goes in search of a new romance. But when a couple has been married for more than one year and has children, it is much more difficult to make a quick and correct decision. Moreover, if the spouse does not remain faithful to his wife, but is in no hurry to leave the family. Psychologists cannot give unambiguous advice on exactly how a woman should behave in a situation and what to do if her husband is walking. Everything depends on her.

Psychology

Psychologists explain this behavior by purely male reasons, one of which lies in banal egoism. Because of this feeling, a man strives to have two partners at once: a legal wife who acts as a reliable support for him and the mistress of a cozy home, and a mistress who can fill his life with fresh sensations, emotions, and inspiration. Two women nearby give him self-confidence and a sense of importance, so he will not put himself before a choice.

A husband's infidelity or regular visits to another woman do not always mean that his love for his wife has passed.

Often the cause of infidelity is a lack of sexual desire in married life. A man can have a mistress only for the sake of carnal pleasures.

However, there are many examples of cases in which a man has feelings for both women and does not want to lose either of them. Maintaining a relationship with his wife and mistress at the same time, the husband feels whole, since both women serve as a complement to each other for him.

It also happens that a man will experience equally strong feelings for both women.

The psychology of a woman who has become a mistress lies in the constant expectation of her lover’s divorce and living together with him. However, this rarely happens.

Even if a man decides to leave for his mistress, their life together often does not work out - he returns to his previous family. Men are afraid of losing the support they have had for many years. At the same time, they are also too lazy to start all over again. They prefer to part with their new chosen one and return to their usual way of life.

Even an internally perfect and outwardly insanely beautiful mistress will not be able to facilitate a divorce. A man constantly promises to separate from his wife as soon as possible, says that he has stopped loving her, but he always finds reasons why he cannot do this in the near future. He hides behind problems with finances, illness of children, the wife herself, etc. It is unlikely that such behavior can be called noble in relation to both women. Of course, one day there will come a time when a liar will have to answer for his actions, but he is unlikely to change his tactics even when he is presented with a choice.

The best ways to tell if your husband is cheating

Why does a man cheat but not leave his wife?

The psychology of a traitor’s behavior is not always clear from the outside. Obviously, if the family relationship has outlived its usefulness, it is worth dissolving the marriage. But men are in no hurry to leave their legal wives for their mistresses for a number of reasons:

difficulties in dividing property, the need to pay alimony, giving up usual benefits;
the desire to preserve the relationship with the spouse, rethinking values in favor of the family;
fear of losing the opportunity to raise children;
feels comfortable in parallel relationships with his wife and mistress.

With the first 3 options it is possible to save the family, the last one will not make any participant in the love triangle happy.

Why do men stay with their wives?

Many people are concerned about this question. It would seem that if a husband is satisfied with his relationship with another woman, why shouldn’t he leave his wife for her completely? The important point is that only wives ask this question. Husbands don't even think about it. They live well on two fronts, why change anything.

A man has achieved a certain material well-being, bought or built a home, he has a wife and children, and at the moment he can live for himself. This is how he reasons and does not see anything reprehensible in this. In addition, representatives of the stronger sex see a big difference between a legal wife and a woman on the side. They treat their wife as sacred, inviolable, their own, faithful, reliable, incapable of betrayal. In a mistress they see sexuality, unpredictability, ease, this is her attractiveness.

Also, the husband often has an emotional attachment to his wife, which he does not feel for his mistress. Therefore, he is in no hurry to leave his missus.

Often the husband remains in the family because he has a strong emotional attachment to his wife and children

In addition to those mentioned above, there are other reasons that are slightly less important, but have an impact on the double life of the spouse:

Common children. Most men consider themselves exemplary family men, which does not allow them to abandon raising children. A man’s duty as a father is to let the child know that he has a good, full-fledged family.
Fear of public opinion. With a certain status, a man cannot present himself in an unsightly light. Often for society he is an exemplary family man and a helpful gentleman, but for his wife he is an unfaithful husband.
Opinion of relatives and friends. Fear of whose side close people will take forces a man to stay in the family. If the couple aroused everyone's admiration, in the event of a breakup it will be him who will be condemned.
Comfort at home. It is convenient for a man to continue living with his wife; a deliciously cooked dinner and clean shirts await him at home. The mistress’s apartment is filled with relaxation, sex, adrenaline and inspiration.
Financial well-being. Some men are so afraid of losing their acquired property that even if they openly hate their wife, they will not leave her.
Temporary infatuation. A man does not confuse the concepts of love and passion. Often, he describes his relationship with his new passion by passion. Thoughts swirl in his subconscious that infatuation quickly passes, but love remains. This is one of the reasons why he does not break up with his wife and does not leave.

Why do men leave their families?

The husband cheats and lies, but does not leave

Each wife, having learned about her husband’s infidelity, behaves in her own way, it all depends on her character and temperament. What to do when your husband’s infidelity is a common occurrence? How to behave if he doesn’t value your relationship, but doesn’t leave? What are the reasons for this behavior of men? How to deal with the current situation with dignity.

In cases of betrayal, men rarely tell the truth about what happened. More often they lie and dodge.

Why does a traitor lie?

does not want to admit his guilt, because in this case he may lose his beloved woman. Moreover, he himself is not happy with this situation, and the adultery happened once;
he doesn’t want to part with his wife, but he also doesn’t intend to lose his mistress.

Sometimes husbands, having cheated on their wife once, continue to meet with their mistress, but this does not happen at his request, but because of banal blackmail, although the man still loves his wife and does not want to leave her.

If we consider the first situation, then perhaps the man can count on forgiveness, since he understands that he is guilty and really regrets his action. An affair on the side could happen for several reasons, for example, after a quarrel with his wife, out of stupidity, or because of drinking alcohol. But he is both ashamed and scared to tell the truth, because he loves his wife and does not want to part with her because of a mistake he made.

In the second case, the man does not deserve forgiveness. His action is humiliating. Such actions are a direct humiliation of the dignity of a loved one. It is impossible to continue living with such a husband, because if more than one fact has been revealed, then, most likely, there will be new infidelities. Sometimes men try to prove to their wife that there was no betrayal and that this is just gossip. Do not rush to trust rumors, because sometimes they are made up out of envy or anger.

How to be a wife: advice from psychologists

The first task for a woman in this case is to decide what she herself wants. Forgive a cheater or divorce him? Psychologists say that you cannot consider yourself to blame for everything and turn a blind eye to the case of another infidelity of your spouse. Voluntary acceptance of martyrdom will only complicate the situation.

You should also not give in to the temptation to take revenge on your spouse and homewrecker. You shouldn’t look for meetings with her to cause a scandal or beg her to give up the man. In addition, you should never change in response. Usually, after such an act, a woman does not experience relief or satisfaction; on the contrary, she feels used not only by her husband, but also by her lover.

A woman who has learned about betrayal should try to imagine what her future together with the man who committed the betrayal will be like.

Consider whether he is capable of cheating again. If the inner voice gives a positive answer to this question, there should be no talk of a second chance. Otherwise, you will have to endure a lot more stress and suffer a lot. The best option would be a divorce decision.

If your spouse is not ready to finally break up with the cheater, you can seek advice from a psychologist.

The advice is this: an unfaithful husband must be given a choice: his legal wife or his mistress. An important point is that you cannot use ultimatums, blackmail and threats.

In this case, the faithful will quickly pack his things and close the door behind him. You need to solve the problem through a calm, thoughtful conversation.

Do not use ultimatums and blackmail in conversations with your husband

Without taking any action, allowing the unfaithful husband to continue living together, the woman tacitly agrees to repeat his infidelities. Staying silent and experiencing what is happening inside yourself is not the best way to deal with the problem. A man will not understand his wife’s pain if she does not share it with him.

If a partner openly says that he is in love with another woman, but is in no hurry to leave, you can offer him temporary separation. There is no need to be afraid - it is unlikely that he will immediately happily run away with his suitcases to his mistress. Usually the man himself is in a stressful state, you need to give him the opportunity to be alone with himself, to think about what is happening. Romantic relationships on the side are wonderful, as long as they are forbidden. But if the cards are revealed, there is practically no interest left, if it does not fade away completely.

It happens that the spouse himself needs help. Probably, only thanks to his wife will he be able to decide what to do next. It is necessary to imagine all the pros and cons of the relationship, remember the past - joys and difficulties. The best option would be to directly ask whether the husband wants to save the family.

Psychologist's advice

The classic situation is that husbands cheat on their wives, but why don’t they go to their mistresses? The first reaction to betrayal is tears, hysteria, and reproaches. A destructive state will not help you get out of the situation with dignity. Betrayal can lead to a nervous breakdown, depression, and psychosomatic illnesses. You can scroll endlessly - why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave is at the center of the psychology of conflict. To survive the current situation and restore peace of mind, you should listen to the advice of a specialist:

you need to look at the situation from the outside, imagine it as if it were a film, write your own scenario for the development of further events, no longer being a hostage of circumstances, but the author;
understand yourself without feeling guilty, find provoking reasons for betrayal, perhaps consult a psychologist to work through traumas and fears that interfere with family life;
if both spouses are ready to work on the relationship, it is worth visiting a family consultant, sexologist, consultations will help you understand and forgive each other’s imperfections;
sometimes family relationships become obsolete, a couple is connected by home, children, friends, but there is no emotional attachment, trust, desire to develop together, not every crisis can be survived and it is better to dissolve the marriage.

In the modern world, it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep a family together. Imposed stereotypes dictate behavior patterns that are often contrary to a happy married life. To save relationships, you need not to be afraid of conflicts, express your emotions, learn to understand and accept your soulmate. Common interests, spending time together and boundless trust are the main components of a happy family.

IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you should consult a specialist.

How to save a family?

If your husband cheats, if he is in no hurry to leave the family, you need to come to terms with your emotions and pain. Then carry out thorough preparation before the long and difficult task of saving the family. The first stage will be a normal conversation. An important point is that it should take place without scandals or scenes of jealousy.

Having decided to save the family, the wife should listen to several pieces of advice:

The conversation must be conducted in such a way that the chosen one understands that he is being forgiven for the first and last time. If a man is forgiven for one betrayal, then another, he will not understand anything and will continue to be attracted to other women.
It is important to avoid comparing yourself to a homewrecker. This comparison will make it even more painful, and overall it doesn’t look very reasonable.
There is no need to justify or make excuses. Both are to blame for what happened, but it was the husband who cheated.
Don't take revenge. Having a lover as a lover is not a reason to rush into the arms of another man. Cheating out of spite will only bring disappointment, additional pain and shame for what was done. In addition, it is ugly to involve a stranger in family squabbles in this way.
The fight should be started only if you absolutely want to live with your husband for many more years.
Forgiveness must be sincere. If you are not sure that you will be able to forget what happened, you should not renew your relationship with your spouse. Forgiveness through force will fill the future lives of both spouses with a nightmare - with every accidental mistake of the partner, it will be difficult to resist reproaching and blaming him for a past mistake.

Spouse cheating

As soon as a man begins to cheat, a woman feels it thanks to her inner instinct, but so far she does not understand for sure whether this is really so. The thing is that the girl has very well developed intuition. And the ability to notice the slightest changes in emotions and actions also makes itself felt. Men have almost no intuition. And if a woman begins to cheat on him, he is unlikely to guess about it, of course, unless the wife herself gives the right hint.

The wife's assumptions are not always confirmed. Quite often, changes occur in a husband’s behavior due to serious troubles at work that he doesn’t want to talk about at home. There are often opposite situations when a woman who trusts her husband is the last to know about what all the neighbors around are quietly talking about. There are certain obvious signs for this, which we will describe in detail below.

Why can't you ignore betrayal?

If the cheating spouse does not leave his wife, this situation is unlikely to be normal. This cannot be tolerated. Feeling his impunity and superiority over his wife, the cheater will begin to manipulate her.

It is especially unacceptable for everything to happen in front of children. It should be remembered that children take their cues from their parents' behavior.

For boys, the example is the father, for girls - the mother. If a child constantly sees that his father does not respect his mother, he will transfer this into future relationships with his own wife. For a girl, humiliation by her mother will become the norm; in the future, she will also endure betrayal and insults from her husband and remain silent in response. It takes courage to decide to leave such a humiliating relationship.

Often divorce is the best way out of this situation. The most important thing is to be able to cope with the most acute moment. When negative emotions go away, a woman gains freedom and feels psychological relief. Another important point is that by forgiving her unfaithful spouse, letting him go in peace, she also forgives herself. This attitude helps you find a new and better life. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid to continue living. Even without a spouse, who was once so beloved and irreplaceable, you can be happy.