Relationships with a married man are romanticized thanks to modern cinema and books. Women hope for a happy future, a legal marriage, but over time it becomes obvious that their partner does not intend to leave the family and is only interested in infrequent meetings.
The desire to break up with a married man is natural and justified by the girl’s unfulfilled dreams. To make the gap less painful, you should follow some rules.
We will tell you further about how to break up with a married man.
Reasons that motivate women to have relationships with married people
According to statistics, women around the world prefer married partners over single ones. Even without knowing about the status of their partner, representatives of the fair sex unconsciously distinguish him from their competitors. The attractiveness of such men is due to several features:
Experience .
Married men know how to satisfy a woman's needs, how to respond to her demands, how to court and apologize. Family life, especially if it lasted a long time, helps them find a common language with their partner, which contributes to building harmonious relationships.- Security .
Often a relationship with a married man is due to his stable financial situation. It is known that the best gifts are bought for mistresses, the most daring requests are satisfied. Constant income eliminates the need to work independently, and free time is spent exclusively on interesting leisure activities. The generosity of married men is one of the most important reasons why women prefer to have long-term relationships with them. - Attention . Married men know how to give beautiful courtship. To achieve the affection of the woman they like and keep her, they are capable of real feats.
- No obligations . Not every woman is ready for a serious relationship. A situation where no one owes anyone anything can suit both parties.
- Not picky .
It is believed that after marriage, women begin to take less care of their appearance and stop “surprising” their spouse in bed or going on dates. Romance and sexual diversity in the lives of partners disappear, and a married man begins to look for someone else on the side - one who can satisfy certain needs. It is not difficult to please such a man; it is enough to look impressive and smile sweetly. - Unavailability . For some representatives of the fair sex, a married man is a challenge to one’s self-esteem, a struggle with another woman who will determine the winners and losers.
- Well-groomed appearance . When a man has a wife, she always takes care of his presentability. Clean and neat stylish clothes, a pleasant smell, jewelry - all this attracts the attention of free women.
These advantages of married men explain their popularity among single beauties. However, such relationships rarely end in marriage; in most cases, the woman comes to the conclusion that putting pressure on a man is simply useless, and therefore decides to leave.
How to break up: tips, recommendations
Experts talk about how to break up with a married man you love correctly and painlessly:
- The classic technique of taking into account the pros and cons of the current situation will help you finally decide on a break in the relationship. On a piece of paper, you need to note the negative and positive sides of the gap. It is important to find as many positives as possible and reflect on them. New chances and opportunities should be tempting enough to motivate a difficult decision.
To decide on a breakup, writing down all the pros and cons of such a relationship will help you clearly see this.
Farewell must be radical. For the meeting, you need to prepare a speech in which you should describe all your experiences and inconveniences without embellishment. A man must understand that the woman is truly unhappy. If he is understanding and not selfish, he will not hold back and agree to break up. The last conversation should put an end to the relationship.
The process can drag on for a long time, it will bring a lot of pain, anxiety, mental anguish, if you do not cut off all contacts with your lover
- If a woman looked “at 100” during meetings with her lover, before breaking up the relationship, you should be yourself: make it a rule to go on a date without heavy makeup, perfect hair, and dress modestly. Perhaps the casual look will turn off your lover.
- If a man doesn’t want to hear about a breakup, bombards him with promises, insists on meetings, the best way to push him away is to change beyond recognition: become indifferent, capricious, rude, dissatisfied, constantly reschedule dates, demand expensive gifts, cause a scandal, turn romantic meetings into a showdown relationships, annoying calls, jealousy.
Carefully! His wife should not find out about the existence of another woman with her husband, otherwise in this situation it is easy to turn out to be extreme and bring upon herself more unpleasant consequences. There are many ways to become problematic and uninteresting for a man. The main thing is not to be afraid to experiment, because this will help save your future.
- After ending the relationship, it is necessary to get rid of all contacts of the ex-man, SMS messages, emails, delete them from social networks, and send them to the blacklist. You need to completely erase the person from your life . If this is a colleague or neighbor, it is best to look for the possibility of taking more drastic measures, such as quitting and/or moving to another city.
- In order not to remember your ex and not cry at every occasion, you urgently need to get rid of all things that may remind you of him (gifts, cards, souvenirs, photographs).
Why do you want to break the connection?
The desire to end a relationship with a married man does not arise spontaneously. This is preceded by the stage of understanding all the advantages and disadvantages of such relationships.
A married man takes a mistress in order to assert himself, experience “thrills,” and make up for the lack of intimate relationships. Women think that they are many times better than their competitors, and their partner is simply waiting for the right moment to divorce his wife.
Over time, conflicts, resentments, quarrels arise, and a desire to break the connection appears. In order for the decision to be firm, it is important to understand the reasons why cutting off contacts with a married man is right:
Having a family.
In the past, a man had already decided on his life partner by marrying his beloved. The second woman is needed only as temporary entertainment, a replacement spouse according to certain criteria.- Most of the men who do leave the family for their mistress return back after a short period of time.
Relations with the ex-wife have already been established, life has been arranged, children have been born, but the new woman requires a fundamentally new approach to herself. Men do not strive to redistribute responsibilities, experience family crises and go through all stages of relationship development, so they prefer already established stability. - Men like relationships with their mistresses because they are easy, unburdensome, and passionate. Rare meetings take place secretly, which means they provoke the production of adrenaline in the body. As soon as the connection becomes serious and permanent, the man stops experiencing thrills and begins to see his former mistress as an ordinary woman.
- The status of a mistress implies a complete absence of rights and guarantees. A married man will not be able to keep company on holidays or on weekends, or come when the woman is not feeling well or is simply sad. Women receive the attention of their partner only when their legal spouse unconsciously “allows” it.
- Even a serious relationship with a once-married man is full of fears. If he has already cheated once, then he may well do it again, only now in the place of the deceived wife there will be a former mistress.
- A relationship with a married man is dangerous. The wife can find out about the betrayal at any time and attempt to take revenge on the homewrecker. Night calls with threats, notes under the door and scratches on the car are the least that a deceived woman is capable of.
The need to end a relationship with a married man arises when the mistress clearly understands the prospects for a future relationship.
It is at this moment that questions begin to arise about how to correctly talk about your intention, continue to live, and cope with depression if you had strong feelings for a man.
Prerequisites for saying goodbye
Relationships with a married adult man most often lead to failure and loss of time. When should you leave such a lover?
READ How to get over a breakup with a guy: practical recommendations and advice from psychologists
There are several reasons that force women to do such an act:
- Loss of trust in a partner;
- Rudeness and humiliation;
- Lies about leaving your wife;
- Different views on life and goals;
- Psychological or physical violence;
- Lack of a shared future;
- Partner's addictions;
- Boredom, lack of feelings.
These are the main prerequisites that force women to leave men and begin to build a different life, in which everything will be different. Very often, after a woman breaks up with a married and beloved man, there remains a deep emotional connection between them, which can only be dealt with on a psychological level.
READ How to understand that you have stopped loving a guy: ways to check your feelings
How to tell your lover about a breakup?
Reporting a breakup in person is quite difficult, so it is better to use modern technology and call or write a message.
The letter should be short and unambiguous , without phrases that could provoke further discussion or attempt to convince the woman:
I came to the conclusion that such a relationship is not for me.
I want a full-fledged family, my children and a common life. You can't give it to me, so we need to break up.- We had a great time, and I am grateful to you for this experience, but I am tired of depending on your family plans. I want a normal relationship, but apparently this is unrealistic with you.
- I don't want to deceive myself anymore. My feelings for you have passed, I want to leave.
Surely, at the first convenient opportunity, the partner will start looking for a meeting. You should not agree to talk at least in the first few days. You can meet and discuss what happened, but only when the emotions subside.
What to do next?
In order not to get depressed, it is important to abstract yourself from sad thoughts in time. Various activities can help with this:
- Focus on your career . It's time to make your dreams of successful professional self-realization come true.
- Get creative . This is the most effective way to get rid of sad thoughts, which also helps to identify your hidden talents.
- Chat with friends . New acquaintances, noisy meetings and cheerful companies are the best cure for the blues.
You should not immediately seek solace in the arms of another man. This will only bring a short-term calming effect and unnecessary familiarity, which, moreover, may turn out to be similar to past experience.
If a man is against separation
A married man is unlikely to support his mistress’s initiative and will try to convince her by all available means. If rudeness or ignoring does not help you move away from your annoying boyfriend, it’s time to act radically:
- change phone number;
- block a man on all social networks;
- move to another city.
If there are no such opportunities, you can resort to an alternative option and start an ostentatious relationship with a friend or acquaintance. Once you appear in society in the company of another gentleman, a married man will quickly understand everything.
It is better if the new partner is outwardly stronger and more attractive than the former . This will eliminate unnecessary “showdowns” between men.
How to break up with the married man you love: two ways
Having made a strong-willed decision, one must be able to adequately bring it to life. Moreover, your man will probably have objections to this matter. They will use:
- appeals to your feelings;
- promises of imminent change;
- accusations of callousness.
…And much more. Not every woman can withstand all this and not give up, especially if your feelings for your chosen one are still strong. To save yourself from temptation and unnecessary hassle, think through your actions in advance.
By breaking off a relationship correctly, you will save your nerves and mental strength.
The long way is for those unable to say no
- Start reducing the number of meetings gradually but steadily. No, no, you’re not breaking up, it’s just that tonight my friend Katya tearfully asked me to help her dye her roots before a date. And on Friday, parents dream of taking their daughter to the dacha. And in August you and the girls are going to the sea. With a competent approach, separation may not happen as such, just at some point you realize that you last met six months ago and do not plan to resume the practice of secret dates.
- Get moody. Demand more attention, complain about loneliness, make claims. Let the time spent with you stop seeming like such a fairy tale to a man.
- Talk less often, this greatly contributes to distance. Show less interest in his affairs, and in response to a story about an emergency situation that a man had at work, tell him your story about a broken nail and a stupid colleague who ruined your stapler.
- Look for imperfections in your partner. And don’t say that he is ideal, there are no such people. He snores, yawns loudly, throws his street shoes at random, splashes toothpaste on the mirror while brushing his teeth, doesn’t like dogs... Start small, and soon this list will grow to amazing proportions, and it will be easier for you to bring your plan to life.
- Start a leisurely search for a new partner, but do not start a new romance. Just take a closer look, otherwise you, firstly, risk receiving an offensive “Prostitute!”, and secondly, your behavior may be perceived by a man as an attempt to make him jealous and force him to fight for you. But if someone interesting appears on the horizon, it will become much easier to put an end to the history of previous relationships.
Stop being soft and understanding
In one fell swoop - for the determined and brave
Just talk to the man - in an even tone, without threats or hysterics. You will probably be tempted more than once to raise your voice or shed a tear, but try not to give in. Calmly explain: you regret the breakup, the days spent together are very dear to you, but you don’t see any prospects for this relationship, so you want to put an end to it. Emphasize that you feel bad and lonely when your loved one leaves for his family, you don’t want to spend your whole life on the sidelines, and therefore you will try to rebuild your life. Already without him.
If you are unsure of your ability to say everything that needs to be said without bursting into tears, express your thoughts in a letter. But don’t even think about issuing a 10-page treatise! One, or maximum two, will be enough: you are grateful for everything, you sincerely loved him, but the time has come for you to move on, so you wish happiness to the family of your former lover and urge him not to look for more meetings with you.
Immerse yourself in depression, feeling sorry for yourself, the last thing
And then turn off your phone, block the man on social networks, temporarily break contacts with mutual friends and start taking care of yourself. Moreover, the worst thing you can do in this situation is lie down on the sofa with a can of ice cream and a tearful melodrama on the screen. Go out into people! The ideal solution would be a trip to another country or city for about two weeks, and if this is not possible, exhibitions, theaters, master classes, roller skating in the park and going to the movies to see super blockbusters will do (we remind you that romance is currently prohibited for you) .
A good way to make your separation easier would be to clean your home of all memorabilia associated with your exiled lover, as well as change your image.
Blackmail as a way to get rid of the attention of an abandoned partner
Threatening to tell your wife everything can work with an annoying partner, but the woman should consider the possible consequences.
Disclosure of an unpleasant fact may result in divorce. In this case, the man will begin to show even more obsession, because now he has nothing to lose.
If a spouse values her family, she will probably look for a meeting with her rival . Harassment can have unpleasant consequences and is not limited to just verbal threats.
Finally, the most favorable outcome of blackmail is the achievement of the set goal. The man will be afraid of the threat and will stop showing excessive attention towards his ex-lover. This option should be used extremely rarely and carefully due to the unpredictability of the consequences.
How to behave after?
The period after the breakup will be difficult. A woman will no longer be able to live the way she used to, because an important component has disappeared from her life.
To avoid getting lost in sad thoughts, you can resort to several simple but effective techniques:
- sign up for new courses, sections;
- go on a trip;
- keep a personal diary;
- change your image.
It is important to get rid of all gifts, photographs, and memorable messages. Nothing should remind you of past relationships. Naturally, personal meetings and any communication with this man should also be excluded.
If the married lover is a boss or colleague, it is advisable to change jobs. No matter how promising this place is, it will no longer be possible to work normally there.
Not only will you have to meet your ex-partner in the office, but it is also possible that he will begin to take revenge .
Fast way
If you have 100% decided that you do not want to be with a person and are ready to break up with him, you need to do this as quickly as possible. Every day only brings more difficulties, and the sooner you tell the whole truth to a person, the faster you can return to your old life.
Psychologists recommend using the following methods to answer the question of how to break up with a married man:
- Say that you have fallen in love with another;
- Convince the person that all your feelings for him have cooled;
- Agree to be only a temporary mistress who does not want to build a serious relationship;
- Tell him that you realized the mistake and don’t want to take him away from the family.
Quick ways to break up are always better than quarrels, scandals and decreased self-esteem for yourself and your partner. In such cases, psychologists recommend learning to burn bridges and never return to the past.
READ How many days after a breakup does a man start to get bored and how to get him back
