Often in relationships with the opposite sex we are faced with various conscious or subconscious manipulations. There is an opinion that only women use these techniques. But there are many men who have learned to “pull women’s strings.” Due to illusions, women may not notice that they are being used and continue to live in unhappy relationships.
In this article I will talk about the 5 types of women who are easiest to manipulate and answer the main questions: “Why do men use women?” and “How to get rid of male manipulation?”
Read to the end to find out:
- Why does a woman tolerate a tyrant?
- Which women does a man transfer his failures to?
- Where do gigolo men come from?
- Why are we offended?
- A man is jealous for no reason. Loves?
- What kind of woman attracts worthy men?
- “I’ll find another man and the problem will be solved.” What is wrong with this women's strategy?
- Subconscious guilt program and its consequences
I recorded a detailed and thorough video on this topic. Watch carefully and find out which women are the easiest to manipulate. Subscribe to my YouTube channel, comment and share your insights.
Woman with a feeling of pity
For many women, pity evokes warm feelings that are somewhat similar to love, support and empathy. At first glance, there is nothing unpleasant about pity. But if you take pity in its pure form, it is a destructive feeling.
It is very easy to manipulate a woman who has a lot of pity for herself and for men.
Let's imagine a situation: A man complains, talks about his difficulties at work, how he can't do anything. What desire does his story awaken in many women? Support, help, advise. Open a business for him, give him money, because the goal is noble - to help, to do good for the person, because he so needs help! But this is a cunning psychological trick, and many gigolos, men who live according to the 50/50 scheme or simply live at the expense of women and search for themselves for months, years - take advantage of this, they have learned to skillfully manipulate the female feeling of pity, while the woman plows on two, three works. This is one of the reasons why a man manipulates a woman.
At this moment, the woman thinks like this: “Now I will give him all this, now I will save him, help him, support him - and in return I will receive the same.” But, unfortunately, in response, not only does she not receive the same, but what’s even worse is that she receives ingratitude and disrespect. And in the end, the female rescuers say: “I did everything for him, but he didn’t appreciate it.”
What kind of woman is this usually?
A typical rescuer, adviser, assistant with a pronounced maternal instinct. And this woman can only be given one piece of advice: “Stop saving men, stop helping men and giving in to his manipulations, start saving yourself, helping yourself!” Stop wasting energy and resources on your partner, start giving it to yourself!”
Surely you are reading this article and thinking: “Yaroslav, this is definitely not about me, I don’t fall for such men!” But if we look at the statistics, it turns out that very few women in the post-Soviet space live in harmonious relationships, where, for example, the man is 100% ready to provide for the family.
Signs of a perverted narcissist
With pick-up artists, everything is more or less clear, their goal is sex, and they can’t stand long refusal, they merge immediately. You will have to be on your guard for quite some time with men who use women differently.
The most dangerous type, excluding, of course, maniacs and aggressors, is the perverted narcissist. In appearance, he will be charming, smart and very confident. His eloquence and logic (most often perverted, but this is not immediately noticeable) can convince anyone of anything. He easily turns any arguments around and directs them against you. He is erudite, well read and full of knowledge from various fields. He juggles knowledge so skillfully that you don’t notice how his point of view becomes yours and you begin to believe that he is right and you are a fool.
The only goal of a perverted narcissist is self-affirmation through the destruction of the victim. God forbid you become this victim. These types are not interested in weak women; their goal is bright and socially active individuals, purposeful, open and full of life, with excellent creative potential, who build their lives in a direction that is interesting to them. Such a victim has the most “tasty” in it, and it will be able to survive in relations with the parasite longer.
Unfortunately, the main signs of a perverted narcissist appear after the incubation period, during which he manages to emotionally and sometimes physically tie the victim tightly to himself.
The ideal for a narcissist is to take a woman to another city or at least to another district in order to complicate her communication with her usual circle of people. The incubation period usually looks like a honeymoon: unexpected surprises and very personal gifts, interesting activities and intimate conversations, the desire to please and show how chosen the woman is, since he, so great and wonderful, is now at her feet.
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Perhaps he will talk about his ancient family and try to bring you into the house, introduce you to friends and relatives in the very first days of the relationship in order to quickly win you over. Such pressure, as well as the man’s heartbreaking stories about suffering in all previous relationships where he was not understood or appreciated, should alert you.
A healthy person usually understands that a relationship is a matter of two, and one cannot always be in white, and the other is constantly wrong. In general, a shift in the point of responsibility to the external environment - to circumstances, the actions of other people or a global conspiracy - is one of the distinctive features of such a personality disorder.
If a man also has high self-esteem, absolute confidence in his own infallibility - alas, this is not a completely healthy individual. He perfectly mimics and portrays the emotions that are expected of him, but in reality he is completely incapable of empathy and does not feel anything for you at all. Nothing, except the desire to break. And for this he needs to hook you.
This hook will be the one that envelops you with all-round attention. Compliments on your talents and abilities, containing veiled “bites”: “So smart, but you don’t understand simple things!”, “With such a long, amazingly graceful neck, it’s simply a crime to wear such a scarf.”
He will try very hard to evoke emotions in you. Moreover, he will try to alternate the pleasant with the unpleasant: melodrama and going to the cinema to see a film where everyone was killed, cute postcards with kittens and photos of an accident with blood. Today he is all yours and waits at the entrance for three hours, and tomorrow he does not answer calls. Yesterday, in a private conversation, in great confidence, he found out your attitude towards your colleagues/girlfriends/relatives, and the day after tomorrow, during a general meeting, he “accidentally” blurted out to them about it.
A woman who is afraid of loneliness
A woman who has a fear of loneliness is easy to manipulate. She is ready to endure insults and humiliation, just not to fall into some unknown, where she will be alone, without a man. If you look at the history of her childhood, most likely she is a woman either without a father or without parents at all. Or the father left the family early because for some reason the parents often quarreled. And a woman has a fear of being alone, which she tries to compensate for by having a relationship with a man. She is ready to be close even to a super unworthy man, just not alone!
The desire to constantly fall in love and be in a relationship leads to the fact that a woman attracts a man who is an abuser or a tyrant. Such men deliberately kill women's self-esteem by manipulating through humiliation.
If a manipulator falls in love with a woman, then at first his desire to offend may come down to a joke. But then phrases are heard more and more often: “Who needs you with a child/two children?”, “Who needs you so ugly/overweight?”
These women already have low self-esteem, otherwise they would not choose such a man. But despite the fact that the chosen one is truly terrible and makes the woman feel bad, she does not think about how to get rid of the manipulative man. She can't live without him. Because she is much worse off alone than even with an unworthy man.
Logically, she understands that this format of relationship is abnormal. And her friends tell her: “You don’t value yourself. Come on, leave, start another life immediately!” And that sounds really fair. Perhaps she will try to pause and part with the abuser for a while, but it is very difficult for her to end the relationship completely. There is a great fear of the unknown, of separation, so she continues to endure. Unfortunately, many women live their entire lives in this situation.
To pump up your insecurities and deal with your fears, I invite you to the free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.” I will tell you how to create harmonious relationships and become a woman who is truly loved.
Windy person2
If a female boss is completely immersed in the development of her business, flighty girls do nothing but look for a successful gentleman. The purpose of their life is marriage and family. They do not seek to develop their own interests.
Heartbreakers spend most of their time undergoing beauty treatments, visiting gyms, where they also look for a promising partner. Their problem is that they too quickly and actively begin to show sympathy for a man.
Guys feel that they don’t have to make any effort to get their relationship with a flighty female on the right track. Just taking a walk is enough; heartbreakers don’t even need gifts and flowers. These girls are completely immersed in the relationship. For them, parting is another fleeting step towards the man of their dreams.
Some nymphets feel like they are using men, fingering them like beads. Most often it happens differently. Guys simply do not accept this category of women for serious relationships. Therefore, men simply use the opportunity for quick sexual intercourse, easy communication and flirting to increase their own self-esteem.
Women's motto: “Being jealous means loving”
The next type of manipulation is when a man manipulates his jealousy. Not all jealous men do this consciously. Why is this manipulation? Because there are women for whom jealousy is an emotion that is associated with love. Jealous means he loves. Restrictions from a man are pleasant for them and are perceived positively. After all, if he is jealous, it means he loves.
This female psychology is especially noticeable in the initial stages of a relationship. When a manipulative man forbids her to go out with her girlfriends, she thinks: “Oh, he’s so powerful and caring. At first it is very pleasant, at first the woman perceives restrictions from a positive man as some kind of overprotection, overcontrol. This means he loves me, I am valuable to him, he protects me.
But in fact, this is an unhealthy reaction from a man. A woman can recognize it only at the stage when jealousy becomes unpleasant to her. At historical discussions, I often hear the question: “Yaroslav, why is a man jealous of me for no reason? I am faithful to him, but he is jealous almost of the doorknob. Why does a man behave this way? I repeat: a man can do this unconsciously.
A man uses a woman for manipulation because he also has his own fears. Often they are associated with the relationship with the mother. Perhaps he saw some kind of game in the interaction of his parents or his mother’s relationships with men. Therefore, subconsciously he has the belief that women cheat.
A man tries in every possible way to limit his companion and control her when she begins to disappear from his field of vision. And suddenly the woman finds herself completely dependent on the man, emotionally and financially, she does not know how to behave with a manipulative man.
A woman who reacts to insults
I'm sure you know about this type of manipulation, because many women use it. This habit also comes from childhood. When our parents treated us badly as children, what did most of us do? That's right, they were offended. We could not communicate, be capricious, and this was a way to show that we were unpleasant with the behavior or attitude of our parents. It was a quick way to get parental love and attention, because we didn’t know any other way.
And often we carry this same strategy, this tactic into adulthood. This applies to both men and women. I believe that grievances need to be worked through, the habit of manipulation needs to be gotten rid of. If your man manipulates with silence and can be offended for a long period of time, this is childish behavior. If this happens once, or in some rare cases, it’s easier to talk and figure it out, but if you see that this happens regularly, it’s manipulation.
In an attempt to improve the relationship, the woman says: “Listen, you are acting like a child. Please watch this video on YouTube.” I know some people forward my videos to their men. My dears, thank you for your trust, but you don’t need to do this. A man does not consider his grievances to be manipulation, because this is some kind of automatic reaction from his childhood. And your advice to “watch the video” will cause him aggression.
Subconscious program “I am to blame”
There are women who constantly feel guilty.
- She leaves a man who treated her unworthily, and then thinks: “Why are men using me? I must have done something wrong. I was wrong, so we need to reconnect.” I will describe several situations when a woman’s subconscious “I’m to blame” program is triggered.
- A woman gets divorced, a child grows up without a father. Who does she feel like? That's right, a bad mom because she couldn't maintain or maintain the relationship.
- “Men don’t look at me, don’t give me gifts” - that means there’s something wrong with me.
- “We had sex with a man on the first/tenth date and then he disappeared. It’s my fault, I did something wrong!”
Due to the subconscious program of guilt, such women are easy to manipulate. And manipulators, unworthy men, see right through such women.
You were fired from your job, your business didn’t work out, you had a fight with your parents—it’s the woman’s fault. The man says: “I’m okay. There’s something wrong with you,” and the woman believes.
Intellectually, she may understand that this is not normal, she cannot be to blame for everything, but she continues to return to this thought. It is not enough to understand with your mind. It is important to understand your family scenarios and programs so that you are not waiting for the next male manipulation.
Signs of a manipulator
There are many signs by which you can see how a guy is manipulating a girl. They are easy to recognize by listening to what and how the guy talks.
"Failed" past relationships
He speaks very unflatteringly about his past relationships. All of them were bitches, bad housewives, logs in bed, they could not understand his subtle soul, and what a blessing that he met you, so wonderful and wonderful. Remember a simple rule - if a guy can talk badly about his ex-girlfriend (wife), then he will also speak unflatteringly about you.
Presses on pity
This sign smoothly follows from the previous one.
- Nobody can understand me.
- I'm so lonely.
- I am so unhappy, my father is a tyrant, I was beaten as a child, etc.
A compassionate girl turns on a hidden mechanism in her brain - “I will understand him,” “with me he will no longer be lonely,” “I will melt his heart, caress him, warm him.” Carefully! It is quite possible that his father beat him for business, and he is lonely because previous girls quickly recognized his intentions.
Excessive control
Where you were, what you did, who you are with now, why you went there. At first glance, this seems like a concern, but when it goes off scale, it starts to get annoying. Although, maybe you like to account for every step, giving explanations for all your actions.
Pathological jealousy
It stems from excessive control. Moreover, he is jealous of who he should and who he shouldn’t - colleagues or classmates, brother and parents, girlfriends, or even work. Is there such a thing? Run away from him!
You must….
From control and jealousy, the next sign is born - “you owe a lot” - get up in the morning an hour earlier than him, prepare him breakfast.
Come home exactly at 18.00 and not a minute later, and then cook dinner, because he gets tired from work. Of course, you don’t get tired because you “have to.” Did they lend you a loan? No? Then you don't owe anyone anything.
I want you to…
This is similar to the previous sign. I wish you wouldn't wear heels. Or she only wore such dresses. I want you to have long hair. My breasts are small, I need to have surgery. That is, he dictates how you dress, make up, how you look. Observed? Think about it!
Sets conditions
If a guy manipulates, he begins to put forward conditions - something like - “either he (she, it, work, friends, girlfriends, parents, children), or me.” At his command, you are obliged to make a choice - to pursue a career or stay at home, raise a child or please your beloved, have an abortion, put your beloved cat to sleep, quit your job.
Otherwise he will leave. And it’s okay if the cat is old and has lost its paws, but you need to quit your job because you yourself want it. But if this is not part of your plans, then you have become a victim of a manipulator. And yet, yes - one of the manipulator’s favorite means is intimidation by leaving. Yes, take the flag, let him go. Are you really worthy of such a prince?
Makes you feel guilty
A dangerous and difficult thing to cure. “I resigned from my position because of you,” (“divorced from my wife,” “quarreled with my mother”). The list goes on. The main thing is to put into your head the idea that it is you who are to blame for all his failures and misfortunes, and therefore owe him everything.
These are the main signs, and if you know how guys manipulate girls, you can avoid such relationships.
How to protect yourself from a manipulator?
Many girls who are now going through a certain stage of relationships with men or manipulators ask the question: “How to recognize a manipulator? How can I protect myself from it?” Reading articles and watching videos “How to identify someone” or “How to defend yourself from someone” is, in principle, useful. But I am a big believer in investing your attention and energy on yourself.
Ask yourself the question: “What do I really want?” Do you want to fight manipulators and protect yourself from them? Do you want to identify unworthy men? Or do you want to meet a decent man and build a great relationship? By answering honestly, you can come to the stage of focusing your energy and attention on what is important to you.
You need to sort out your feelings. If you constantly feel guilty, where does it come from? Why are you afraid to be alone? How does this happen in your life? It is clear that a lot of things come from our childhood. I believe that we need to work not with the consequences, but with the roots of the problem, with the foundation. Then there will be no negative consequences.
We discuss this in more detail in the free course “Man: Honest Instructions.” Over the course of several evenings, I talk about how relationships with parents are related to relationships with the opposite sex, how to work through fears, how to come to what you really want in life and relationships, and much more.
How to avoid becoming a victim of a manipulator
Sometimes it is so difficult that you cannot do it without outside help. Weak people with low self-esteem are more often manipulated .
Dangerous Beliefs:
- who needs me?
- no one will love me;
- Even if he is inferior, the man is nearby;
- I don't deserve better.
Such beliefs are extremely dangerous for adequate self-esteem. If at least one of these thoughts comes to you, it’s time to work on yourself. But that is another topic.
So, in order not to become anyone’s puppet and not to lose your individuality, at the slightest sign you must immediately dot the T’s.
- Set the boundaries of your personal space , otherwise he will begin to dictate what pads you use.
- Politely and clearly convey the idea that you respect his opinion, but on this score you stick to your own.
- Don't allow yourself to feel guilty. If you are truly guilty, then apologize, let go and move on without the burden of guilt, which is often non-existent.
- Dose care for your loved one. Today you brought him breakfast in bed, let him do it tomorrow. Everything should be mutual.
- Do not give in to provocations - “if you quit your job, we’ll get married” or “if you give away your child, we’ll go on vacation.”
The main thing is to understand what you want and what your betrothed skillfully put into your head, and not confuse real concern with the desire to suppress.
to protect yourself from manipulation .
Understand, forgive and change
Having learned about their partner's manipulations, most girls try to change him. They begin to educate the man, give him lectures, slip him articles and explain how he behaves incorrectly and ugly. A woman can even make a mock threat: “If you continue to behave like this, I will leave you.”
I understand that we all want to change the president, the dollar exchange rate, the boss, the partner. But unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. It only works when we change. If you now have an unworthy partner near you, then you need to ask yourself 2 questions: “What motivated me to choose this man? If he’s so bad, why am I so fascinated by him?” and “What attracts manipulators to me?”
And there are several scenarios for the development of events. The first is that when you and your reality change, the person next to you can also change. Second, thanks to the changes, you will reach a new level, and manipulation will no longer affect you.
You will not be dependent on a man who takes advantage of you. You will thank this person for the experience and move on. I can't say which option you will have. The statistics are most likely 50/50: in some couples the man changes after the woman, while in the other part only the woman changes. I note that there is no point in hoping that he will change.
It is important to understand: when a woman is focused on changing her partner, she is not living her life. A large amount of energy senselessly descends into nowhere. By the way, trying to change your partner is what attracts unworthy men.
Men also try to change you through their actions; these are the main qualities of a manipulator. That is, the result is a relationship where both partners deliberately try to straighten, change and refine each other.
I believe that when a woman is focused on working on herself, on upgrading herself, on her development and change, she attracts worthy and classy men who confirm her feminine value.
Is it worth opening up the world of other men?
Another option is “Okay, he’s unworthy. I’ll change it now, find another, more worthy one.” Let me draw an analogy with work: if I now earn a certain amount, it is unlikely that I will be able to immediately find a job much better. Yes, this is possible, but it is more of a lottery and a matter of luck. To find a better job, I need to grow as a specialist. And if I just change jobs, they will be +/- the same. It is possible that one job may be worse than another.
It's the same in relationships. I understand that there are cases, perhaps even among your friends, when the partner was unworthy, she left him and immediately met a cool man. I know such stories, there are many of them. But if you look at the percentage, you will understand that there are a minimal number of stories with such a happy ending.
I still recommend not playing the lottery, but managing your life consciously, wisely, and not hoping for a lucky break. If you want to choose the path of development and get what you really deserve, I’m waiting for you in my free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.”
Thank you for reading to the end! I would be glad to know your opinion about male manipulation.
