It is almost impossible to end a relationship and remain friends after that. There are often situations in which a man does not want to break up, but the girl still leaves him alone. Some people are ready to put up with it. And someone believes that all is not lost, so they are looking for a way to get their ex-girlfriend back.
And it happens that the guy initiated the breakup, but decided to resume the old relationship. In this case, a lot depends on the separation itself. Therefore, guys should take note of our article on how to leave a girl and stay in a good relationship.
They will be pleased to know that this is actually possible. But a man will have to try to achieve this, because, in fact, he will have to start all over again. He will also need to have certain qualities or acquire them in the shortest possible time.
Now let’s deal with questions and objections!
I've made a list of questions that I would expect you to ask.
If you have a question not included in this list, ask it in the comments. Either I or someone else will see it and respond.
Q: What if I want to write to her?! And in general, what are these strict rules?! Six months is, frankly speaking, too much!
A: First of all, as I said, it doesn't matter what you want. Neither me nor those around me care about this. I gave you a method that works
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If you need to be patient for a while to use this method, and you are unable to do so, it means that you have no emotional control at all, and no other method will help you.
.
You need to decide what you want. Do you want to write to her, thereby simply indulging yourself, or do you still want to win her back?
Here's another way to help you look at this matter from the other side. If you follow my recommendations, then her return will be a pleasant bonus
.
It's not the goal at all to get her back no matter what. The goal is to be happy
.
So, take a closer look at steps 1-3, and you will see that if you stick to the plan, you will be happy anyway. And if she returns, it will only be a wonderful addition to your joy.
But honestly, in the end, you won't really care whether she comes back to you or not.
Q: Why can’t you just write? Keep in touch...
A: Because the best thing you can do is give her the opportunity to miss you. The more she misses you, the greater the chance that she will return to you.
And if you constantly support her la-la on the phone (especially if she has already found a boyfriend or is about to find one), you will drive yourself into the friend zone,
and this is the worst place you can ever find yourself as an ex.
Q: What if she forgets me if I don’t write to her for six months?
A: If you are like most men, yes, she will forget you in six months,
If you are in category number two of men, which I wrote about above, then nothing will help you. Any other method will be even less effective than this one.
Q: What if she finds someone? What if I get rejected? What if I don't find anyone better than her? What if I never see her again?
A: It doesn't matter whether he finds a boyfriend or not.
And it doesn’t matter how you broke up with her and why.
It doesn't matter whether she refuses you or doesn't refuse you when you write to her.
Just stop fooling yourself and follow the recommendations. These Tips Work
. They worked for me, they worked for thousands of men, and they will work for you too.
In the worst case, they will work as efficiently as possible compared to any
other methods.
Q: What if she doesn't want to come to me right away? Maybe it would be better to meet on neutral territory?
A: You've slept with her many, many times! You don't have to worry about violating her comfort zone with your invitation to come over to your place. She knows why she will come to you.
And if she wants to renew her relationship with you, she will come to you. And if she doesn’t want to, she won’t go.
Therefore, an invitation to your place is the best way! On the one hand, if she doesn't want to come back to you, then this is the best way to weed her out and not waste your time on her. On the other hand, if she wants to return to you, then inviting her to your place is the fastest and most effective method to restore this relationship.
Why do you think that any other tactic, like meeting her on neutral territory, would be better?
Q: Should I apologize to her?
Oh no. Most likely, you already apologized to her when you broke up (if there was anything for it). So just follow the recommendations.
Q: Do I need to change myself somehow?
A: I recommend that if you change, it is not in order to contribute to her return, but because you yourself want it.
You have to not communicate with her for six months. During these six months, I recommend that you live the way you lived and enjoy life.
If earlier, when you were in a relationship with her, you couldn’t afford something in terms of time, then now is the time to start doing it.
But not for the sake of her returning, but for the sake of herself!
In addition, I recommend that you work on the image of your ex in order to stop fooling yourself with her. This will allow you to release the energy that you were wasting on replaying your memories of your ex and channel it into productive channels.
I'll tell you about this a little lower.
Q: What should I talk to her about if she writes?
A: There is no need to arrange conversations with her!
Your task is to invite her to your place. Do this at 3-4 messages so as not to scare her away, but you don’t have to tell her how your life is, how her life is, and so on. Three messages and invite her to your place.
Q: Is it generally normal that after six months of non-communication I immediately invite her to come to me?
A: That's normal.
Q: And she won’t think that if I call her like that right away, then I kind of wanted her all this time and it will only push me away from her, because I’m so clingy?
A: No, unless you go out of your way to see her at all costs.
Write her something casual like:
Let's meet next week, for example, on Wednesday.
Next, see what she says in response, and then invite her to come to your home. If she refuses, start ignoring her. Set a timer for six months.
And if he doesn’t refuse, then victory!
Of course, if you write to her and ask how she is doing, involve her in some stupid correspondence and/or invite her to meet on neutral territory, then this will be the best way to nip in the bud any remnants of her attraction to you.
Q: What if she already has a boyfriend, but she still writes to me?
A: It doesn't concern you. Do you want to renew your relationship with her or not?
Or are some of your moral principles stopping you? So you can work through them - at the end of the article you will find out how to do it.
The only caveat is that if you know the guy she's dating, you have to choose. You either continue the relationship with her, almost inevitably inviting drama on your ass, or you avoid getting back into the relationship until she breaks up with him.
If you decide to wait, just set a timer for six months or longer until she breaks up with him, or until you no longer want to reconnect with her. The choice is entirely yours.
Q: So it wouldn't bother you personally if your ex cheated on you with her current boyfriend?
A: Not a bit.
Q: What if we work together or just have to cross paths? How should I behave with her then?
A: This is a good question to which there are no easy or good answers. If you are forced to see her at work or in general social circles, do not approach or talk to her. As a last resort, get off with a simple “hello” and do not involve her in the conversation.
If, for example, there is some event that you need to be at, and she will also be there, then the best thing you can do is to come to this event with a girl who is younger and prettier than your ex.
But whether to take such measures or not is entirely your choice and your business.
Possible mistakes
There is no need to humiliate yourself in front of your ex.
Have pride Sometimes guys do ridiculous things, behave in a way that only pushes their beloved away even more. If you decide to return to your old relationship, you must understand how not to behave so as not to further aggravate the current situation.
- You can’t be intrusive, stalk her, call her, tell her how much you love her, give her gifts.
- You cannot humiliate yourself, fall to your knees, begging for a second chance. You should still have respect and pride.
- It is unacceptable to threaten a girl, blackmail her, promise that you will commit suicide if she does not return. Even if such a threat works, the guy must understand that the girl will only be there out of pity or fear that you will actually decide to do such an act. There will be no talk of love here.
- You should not try to drown your pain in alcohol or use drugs. This will not help your cause, but will ruin your health.
- There is no need to promise something that you cannot deliver.
Reasons for separation - let's look within ourselves
Before you commit rash acts, watch your ex-lover at the entrance day and night, or try to escape from your problems with the help of alcohol, you should first understand the situation, and preferably with a sober and calm head.
The situation, of course, is extremely unpleasant, but often absolutely natural. First of all, you need to calm down and think carefully about whether there were any prerequisites for such a breakup on the part of the girl? Now is the time to remember everything that your girlfriend once mentioned in relation to you.
First of all, remember, did she say directly that you were not courageous or collected enough, perhaps she said phrases like “you can’t be relied on” or “I’m ashamed of you”? Remember everything that is in any way connected with her negative attitude towards you.
The most common relationship problems that lead to breakups are:
- Problems in sex. Yes, it’s not customary to talk about this, but the main percentage of divorces in Russia occur precisely on sexual grounds. What can we say about illegal relationships? Think: did you give the girl what she wanted, or did you think only about yourself? Was she comfortable in bed? How pleasant was sexual intercourse specifically for her?
- Lack of determination. Yes, girls love successful men. Therefore, they often find a more promising “male”. However, you should not think about a huge financial condition - for many girls, it is not so much the money and benefits they have already earned that are important, but the prospect of building a successful future together with their man. Lack of motivation and determination in a career, reluctance to start your own business and otherwise develop often becomes the reason for the breakdown of relationships, especially if the man is already over 25, or even over 30 years old.
- Reluctance to take further action. Yes, this is another popular reason for separation. When you have been together for many years, but you have no plans to have children or get married personally, then do not be surprised that the girl left. All women want that notorious “certainty” in life, the realization of their maternal instinct.
- Selfishness of a young man. If you are used to always thinking about yourself first, more often taking actions for your own convenience and comfort, not even listening to your girlfriend’s opinion, ignoring all her requests and hints, then this may be one of the reasons why her patience is over.
- Greed and commercialism. If you are used to counting every penny, are sincerely convinced that you have to pay for everything, and any purchase for a girl is accompanied by a receipt and an expectation of a refund (even gifts) - you may not be surprised why the girl decided to voluntarily become an ex. The point is not that she only needs money, the point is that by demonstrating such pettiness and, in fact, putting money above her, you simply demonstrate your disdain for her over and over again.
- Alcohol abuse. Often a girl is not ready to put up with the constant scent from her loved one, and if thanks to a stable “rest” you also find yourself in various not always pleasant stories, then her choice to leave was obvious.
- Optional. Often, it is for this reason that many girls disappear without warning, although they try to put up with or fight this problem for quite a long time. But, if she asks for something over and over again, and you forget about it over and over again, even though you make promises, there is a limit to everything.
- Jealousy. It is only in TV series or films that excessive vigilance and jealousy looks like a cute manifestation of sincere feelings. In fact, this becomes a problem, and even a real tragedy with the deprivation of any life.
- Tyranny. If you are used to living by the principle “as I said, so it will be,” while not taking into account the opinion of your passion, then, most likely, one day she will become an ex. Few people can live feeling constantly suppressed.
- Suggestibility and lack of independence. Let's be honest: if you believe everything your parents, friends, colleagues, or someone on your favorite show tells you, then it is very doubtful that you can make independent decisions in your relationship, and even more so you will not be able to do this if you become head of the family. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it is very important for women to feel protected by a strong and confident man.
