The wife wants to return after a divorce: why and what to do, advice from a psychologist

Desire for revenge

Sometimes, from an overabundance of experiences and psychopathic outbursts from betrayal, for which it is not the husband’s fault, and this is proven by looking at the above points that do not fit into your vision picture in any way, you want to return the person in order to repay her in the same coin later.
And then, no one has the right to prohibit you or your parents from communicating with your heirs. If you are not a wimp and you still have the courage to throw her out, after which your ex-wife will prevent you from meeting your children, feel free to sue.

Attention

You are guaranteed to have your own days to meet your child. And then it turns out that you can get full custody

Of course, our laws are humane, and as a rule, the court takes the side of the mother, even the one who is walking. But who knows…

You may regret wasted years, money or anything else.

However, you only need to regret your own indiscretion. When you got married, didn’t you consider your wife’s “tendency to escape”? Or when, already as a legal wife, she made eyes at strangers? Didn’t you pay attention either, chalking it up to ordinary female coquetry? Well, the punishment for inattention in this case, unfortunately, is quite adequate.

How to cope with your wife's departure

When divorce is inevitable, it is important to accept the situation correctly. Realize that a woman is not anyone’s property, she has the right to choose her own path in life. In order not to plunge into pain and disappointment, you should surround yourself with friends and loved ones. The best solution is to make your old dream come true.

A qualified psychologist can help with such a difficult stage in life. There is no need to be ashamed of your own emotions, feelings, experiences. And even more so, it would be a big mistake to seal off problems with strong drinks. Having realized your mistakes and forgiven yourself and your ex-wife for them, you can open up to new acquaintances and relationships.

How to restore a relationship after your wife cheats

It is important that your ex-wife understands and acknowledges your feelings. She may regret what happened, but that's different from understanding the heartache and confusion you're going through.

She must understand and admit that her actions have put you in a terrible position.

Be honest. This is the only way to move forward. Why did she leave her lover and now wants to come back to you? What happened between the woman and that man? Do they still have feelings? These issues must be resolved so that there are no problems in the future.

Discuss what you can do to help the marriage heal. This discussion can be similar to making a plan. Set conditions for your ex-wife, what should she do to make the relationship stronger and the deception not to happen again? If a woman works together with her lover, she should definitely quit.

You need to constantly work to make honest communication a part of your daily life. What you have to do is be open and honest with each other and take your time to listen to what other people have to say.

Work to improve your relationship. There are many things that need to be done to restore the relationship:

you both should try something you've never done before, be it rock climbing or ceramics;
do something together: read the same book or watch a new TV show together;
spend a vacation or at least a weekend together;
do not blame your wife for anything;
don’t think about what happened, occupy your thoughts with more important things;
do not compare yourself with another man;
do not pursue her now ex-lover, remember that it is not about him, but about your relationship;
Be patient, because rebuilding a relationship takes time.

In addition, remember that it is not only the wife who should work on the relationship, even if it is her fault. You must make her forget about what happened and see you as a reliable and faithful person. After all, as already said, the point is what kind of relationship you have, and not what kind of people you are. Love your wife, look after her, shower her with compliments, give gifts

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Pay special attention to your sex life

If there are still some problems in the relationship, but you want to eliminate them, seek professional help. The psychotherapist knows methods that will help improve the personal life of a married couple.

Is it worth returning your wife to the family?

Another question that men abandoned by their spouses are trying to solve: what to do if the wife left for someone else, how to get her back? And hardly anyone is trying to think about whether it’s worth doing.

Every person has some needs. The husband, who hopes to save the family if his wife has fallen in love with another, really wants to maintain his status as a “real man”, head of the house, father, master. He does not view his wife as a person who has the right to have completely opposite desires.

Even if you resort to force or manipulation in an attempt to return your wife to the family, this is unlikely to bring joy. Dependent on the opinion of society, offended by the lady who dared to neglect his feelings and prefer another, a self-pitying person is not able to maintain the illusion of well-being for long. If the relationship has ended, then you should not try to revive the marriage.

But it also happens that adultery was a casual hobby caused by the external gloss of a new man. If a cheating partner returns to her ex-spouse, she will probably experience a stronger attachment to him. But how can you regain your husband's trust after your wife cheats on you?

We've all fallen in love and made mistakes. A partner’s fleeting infatuation should not cause negative emotions in a spouse if they end up getting back together. If a wife has fallen in love with someone else, but is still limited to flirting, the spouse should think about the fact that this is a signal of trouble in the relationship.

Before the complete breakdown of the family occurs, and the wife does not leave for her lover, a truly strong man should try to find the reasons that force his partner to seek thrills not with him. And this, most likely, will not be the woman’s promiscuity, but her dissatisfaction with her relationship with her husband, be it sex or lack of money for new shoes. For representatives of the fairer sex, the status of a woman who has managed to start a family and be loved and cared for by her husband is no less important.

But if the irreparable has already happened, the wife has left for someone else, then how to get her back will be a completely futile question. At first, any attempt to charm her again, to return her by force, manipulating her with guilt or pity, simply cannot be perceived adequately. After all, if for some reason a person has become indifferent, his feelings also become unimportant.

The more we love a woman

Psychology believes that the basis of any relationship is attachment. Its presence indicates that a person has entered a comfort zone. This state is characterized by the absence of real dissatisfaction with one’s life. Something may seem like a problem, hurt, offend and hurt, but a person who is in the comfort zone is not going to change anything.

In relation to relationships, this is expressed in finding out who is right and who is wrong. Then the loved one is “forgiven” of his guilt. This is the moment when the fear of leaving your comfort zone overpowers common sense.

The question of what to do if a wife loves someone else, how to save the family, already contains part of the answer. Not feeling affection for a man, the woman preferred an outside relationship. But the abandoned husband has not yet lost his love for her, trying to return the destroyed comfort zone. Hence the desire to return the wife, to restore the relationship that suited the spouse, but could not be accepted by his partner.

Taking a closer look at the problem, you can see that a strong man just became dependent on the benefits that he had in the relationship. And the main one is compliance with the image of a man accepted in society. The realization that someone else was preferred to him hits his pride the more strongly, the greater the degree of attachment.

Systematic betrayal of his wife

Let's try to imagine what it takes to forgive your ex-wife for the fact that you spent the best years of your only life on her, worked 18 hours a day, gave her the best, sometimes denying yourself some small joys. Everything is in order to provide her and your children with decent living conditions, and instead of gratitude you receive the news that she has left for another man.

The very departure to a lover suggests that the decision seems to be emotional, but not spontaneous. They don’t just leave for a stranger. This means that the affair with your lover flared up some time ago, and while you were working hard, you encountered some aggravating circumstances. In the form of horns. Branched ones like that. Which made you into a Deer. That's right, with a capital letter.

Now think about what went wrong with your missus that she decided to leave her lover and is asking to come back to you? Ah, I’m used to not only sleeping well, but also eating deliciously, dressing well, relaxing in good conditions, and the new lurker, although he sang like a nightingale, did not succeed anywhere except alcove pranks. It's unfortunate, but what do you have to do with it? She had already made her choice; no one really forced her. Gone means gone. Now it is not your concern to provide for your ex-wife and her whims. And her tears, wallowing at your feet and the fact that she is asking to come back should not shake you at all.

After all, who said that their relationship with their lover was over. Perhaps she is asking back because the new lovers are playing a play and want to live a little at your expense. Love is love, but I also want to eat. So don’t be that same Deer, drive her away from the threshold so that there’s not even a soul left.

My wife left for her lover, will she return?

It will be very useful to visit your girlfriend’s parents, find out from them what they think about the current situation, thereby showing your full interest.

Is it possible to return the relationship: opinions and advice

There are many opinions and advice regarding the question of whether it is possible to return the relationship. Strange as it may sound, working out whether your wife will return or whether you can return your girlfriend primarily depends on your current state of mind.

If you feel that you are unable to deal with the issue, then it is better to postpone this issue, but it is worth remembering that excessive waiting can harm success.

Try to relax yourself as much as possible in order to renew your mutual feelings as soon as possible. You may need a meeting with friends, a short vacation or a trip to nature.

How to forgive a cheating wife

Very often, after a woman’s infidelity, divorce occurs because the man cannot forgive the betrayal. Yes, he can love his wife madly and admit to himself that he will forgive and forget everything. But the subconscious thinks completely differently. And somewhere in the corners of a man’s soul lie grievances and pain that cannot be extinguished. Therefore, if you understand that you will never be able to forget that your wife cheated on you, that you will still remember it sometimes, the relationship has no chance.

But how to forgive if you really want it for the sake of restoring your family?

Instill in yourself one simple thought: everything you have in your life is your own choice. And marriage, and families, and wife. A woman is a man’s choice, so you need to put up with it. A woman must be accepted along with her strengths and weaknesses.

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Also understand that no people are perfect. They simply don't exist. Everyone makes mistakes, both men and women. who knows, maybe cheating is an opportunity to strengthen and preserve relationships. It is not for nothing that in any religion, betrayal (if it is repentant) is considered a test for a person from above. This is a sin, having gone through and redeemed it, a person becomes wiser.

Of course, it is very difficult to forgive a person for betrayal. Especially if the betrayal was committed by a loved one. If a wife leaves her husband for another person, she causes great pain and suffering. This is not easy to forgive.

Imagine, you want to save your family, but you are afraid that thoughts about your wife’s betrayal will prevent you from truly loving her. In this case, try turning to religion. Any religion in the world will tell you about the need to forgive.

How to get your wife back if she left

♦How to get your wife back if she left♦. A wife leaving the family is a very common situation. The reasons for leaving can be very different - ranging from some kind of misconduct by the husband and ending with the betrayal of the woman herself. But most often wives leave the family as a result of the “cumulative effect” when they get tired of their husband’s moral terror, his rudeness and drunkenness, infidelity, gambling addiction, lies, parasitism, dependence on friends or parents, etc. Or the women themselves have such a stormy character that they cannot cope with themselves and leave the family (to their parents, girlfriends, to their own or rented housing, etc.) after some overly emotional skirmish,

Now we are not analyzing the reasons for the wife’s leaving: what is important is that she left and her husband was not ready for this. Under these conditions, many men act primitively, trying to simply bribe the departed woman with flowers, gifts, their apologies and promises. Men do not understand that such behavior only works against them, since seeing the obvious weakness of a man, a woman loses respect for him even more. And therefore the motivation to return to her husband.

Let me emphasize right away: if a man has made some serious mistake in front of his wife and family as a whole, he is obliged to admit it, apologize and undertake obligations to correct the situation. But if the wife no longer believes her husband’s words, then she will not return back immediately. Therefore, if the wife does not accept her husband’s apology (sometimes quite correctly) and does not rush back, and the man wants to save his family, you need to be prepared for the fact that the reconciliation process will take a certain number of days or even months. And during this period, you should not annoy your wife with fits of jealousy/tenderness and calls for a return, but spend this time changing your image and forming a different, more positive perception of your husband in your wife’s head. I'll say it straight:

To return a wife psychologically tired of her husband,
a man should not scare her, but pleasantly surprise her.

Therefore, if, despite all the efforts of the husband, the departed wife is in no hurry to return back to the family, the man needs to calm down, pull himself together and act according to the plan that I call this:

How to surprise your wife to get her back:

As part of this plan, after he has apologized, the man should follow 20 recommendations:

♦1.Do not call your wife back under any circumstances!

♦2. Do not put pressure on your wife, even indirectly, including through her girlfriends, parents, children, friends. Show everyone complete calm.

♦3.Don’t be afraid to talk about divorce. Show that since the wife wants to move on without her husband, it is her right, she can do it, and you are not going to stop her. You can also calmly discuss a fair division of property without trying to deceive or shortchange your wife. Practice shows that with such a constructive dialogue, real divorce and division very rarely come to pass.

♦4. Eliminate any quarrels or rudeness, including during negotiations. Nip any conflicts in the bud, avoid them, curtail dialogue. Do not allow your wife to provoke you into quarrels in order to put you in the usual role of a “bad husband” or a psychopath.

♦5.Do not call or write to your wife on social networks, do not like or comment on her photos. Write and call only about children, organizing their meetings. But always answer the phone if she calls. And politely respond to her messages.

♦6. During personal meetings or calls, do not ask your wife about her life, so as not to run into the phrase: “This should no longer be interesting to you!” Be content with standard phrases. But if the wife talks about it herself, listen with interest and praise the wife. When communicating in person or by correspondence, try not to tell yourself about yourself on your own initiative, so as not to hear in response the offensive phrase: “I’m not interested in this” and not break into a conflict. Talk about yourself only after leading and direct questions from your wife. However, under no circumstances should you talk about your problems. But talk about your successes, successes, especially career and financial ones. There is no need to lie, but you can exaggerate a little and embellish how your business is going uphill.

♦7.Do not demand an account of your wife’s life and plans, do not criticize her plans, no matter how unrealistic they may be.

♦8.Do not be jealous, do not ask about communication with other men. Do not conflict with those who may write to her or comment on her photos and posts on social networks.

♦9. Do not make your wife jealous. Do not go out with other women, do not take pictures with them, do not take them to your home.

♦10.Quickly change your appearance. Look radically different, especially when meeting with your wife and on your social networks. If you wore a sporty style, go to casual. There were kazhel (sweater, jumper, jeans) - change into classic clothes (shirts, ironed trousers and shoes). If you were in the classics, go to an expensive and prestigious cafe.

In general, improve your appearance to become more well-groomed: sports, slimness, diet, wash, shave, get a haircut, wash your clothes, etc.

♦11.Independently improve your life and everyday life, showing your wife that everything is improving for you without your wife: bought a large TV, new furniture or plumbing, made mini-renovations in the apartment, updated your phone or even a car.

♦12.Try to see your children at least two or three times. Make sure that the children are interested and have fun with their dad.

♦13.After meetings with dad, children should always go to mom with new toys and such goodies (cakes, pastries, pizza, fruits, etc.) that the wife herself can treat herself to (forming a pleasant attitude towards her husband and willingness to allow children to see dad).

♦14. When meeting, be attentive and caring to your wife, but under no circumstances should you shower your wife with gifts and flowers. In general, do not show your attitude towards her as a man. Because a husband’s subservience always makes wives disgusted and does not increase respect for him.

♦15.Do not enter your wife’s personal space, do not try to hug her, kiss her, or persuade her to have sex . You can give compliments. If she moves closer on her own, support her very carefully.

♦16.Show your readiness to compromise if you need to change days of communication with children, skip weekends, etc.

♦17.Show the absence in a man’s life of the problem that caused his wife to leave (alcohol, drugs, gambling addiction, parasitism, rudeness, etc.).

♦18. Try to organize communication and meetings with your wife not one-on-one, but in public spaces, so that the woman’s wariness goes away

♦19.Actively show your life on social networks, especially with children. Of course, showing your best side.

♦20. Carefully fulfill your financial obligations to your wife and children . But at the same time, don’t try to buy your wife, don’t shower her with money. Give exactly as much as needed.

Actually, that's all. The point of the scheme is to:

— It’s nice to surprise your wife so that she quickly forgets about past quarrels!
- Show her to be a successful man!
— Seem like a stable man to her!
- Appear to her as capable of positive changes. Moreover, not only change your behavior for the better, but also maintain yourself in the right state for a long time.
- Cause a woman to be jealous and afraid of losing her husband.

I want to emphasize - How to get your wife back:

To return a woman's love,

first you need to win back her respect.

This is exactly what my method is designed for.

The totality of all actions should include in the wife the thought: “You shouldn’t rush to part with such a husband, you need such a husband yourself!” As in the famous folk tale: “You need such a cow yourself!” And the wife will return!

I emphasize: A man should not try to deceive his wife! Understand:

It is easy to deceive a woman; she herself is happy to be deceived.

It is important to ensure that everything a husband shows his wife

It turned out to be reality, and a pleasant and stable one at that.

And then you need to be patient. Somewhere for a week, somewhere for two or three months. According to statistics, reconciliation with a departed wife usually occurs within a period of up to three months. But most often - earlier.

When reuniting a family, it is important to agree on fundamental changes in the communication between husband and wife, and then strictly implement the agreements reached. Otherwise, if the husband disappoints his wife’s expectations, she may never return.

This is the general basis of male behavior when his wife returns. To take into account some of the nuances of your family history, you need to work directly with a psychologist. If your couple faces crises and conflicts, I will be happy to give advice from a family psychologist in a personal (in Moscow) or online consultation (via Skype, Viber, WhatsApp or telephone with the whole world).

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My wife left for her lover, will she return?

Other mandatory points to consider:

Won't you compare him with yourself, torturing yourself?
Will there be any manifestation of aggression towards her?
Will you turn your children against her?
Will you start spreading the word about the offense to your friends and family?
Are you ready for procreation, being confident that there will be no miscarriage at an early stage of pregnancy?

Answer these questions, and then pay attention to the helpful articles that will open your eyes to what is happening inside you and her:

Do truly loving wives cheat?
Should you forgive your wife's infidelity?
Can you trust and believe a cheating wife?
How to forgive your wife's betrayal?

What to do if a wife wants to return to her ex-husband

If your husband left you without thinking about your emotional state, and then wanted to return, then the risk of a repeat of the situation is quite high. But at the same time, going through the breakup of a relationship the second time will be much more painful for you. Therefore, before you accept your ex, think about whether you need such a shake-up again.

If there was violence from the husband in the family, constant humiliation, then under no circumstances should you take the despot back. If the divorce occurred due to betrayal, will you find the strength to forgive the traitor? It happens that wives forgive adultery and continue to live with their husbands, but at every opportunity they remind them of the mistake. Which, of course, gives rise to scandals and quarrels and plagues both.

Why are women driven by the desire “I want to return to my ex-husband”?

There are children, and they should grow up in a complete family.
A woman is dependent on a man and cannot live independently without him.
Love is so strong that grievances are simply forgotten.
The woman feels sorry for her former lover.
Influence of relatives.

If you decide to renew your relationship, then it is better to wait time, for example a year. During this period, the intensity of passions will subside, and you will be able to analyze the circumstances with a clear head. Take your time, time will put everything in its place and show whether you really need your ex-partner.

If there is love in a couple, but disagreements have arisen, then it is imperative to jointly find a way out of the current situation. Advice from psychologists:

Build friendships.
Never become isolated, talk. In any controversial issue, silence is the enemy. Engage in constructive dialogue. Support each other.
Strengthen family values. Spend time with your children.
Eliminate negative aspects from life that lead to conflicts. Do not let difficulties go by themselves, always look together for ways to resolve the scandal.
Show your tender feelings to your partner and talk about them, just like during your first meetings. Make your joint dreams and goals come true.
Develop the best qualities in yourself, work on yourself.
You can ask your loved ones for support and advice.
Address your weaknesses that led to your divorce.
Do not pressure pity with tears and threats. Don't blame each other for past mistakes. Don't make fun of your partner in front of your family and friends.

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What needs to be done to return the woman you love?

When your wife leaves for someone else, the following recommendations will help you get her back:

sometimes a man does not have to make any incredible efforts to return his beloved . Sometimes it is enough to sincerely ask for forgiveness, and the wife will definitely return. This development of events is possible if the reason for leaving for another was a large number of accumulated grievances. Resentment prevented the wife from feeling happy. When a man admits that he was wrong, the woman will gladly return to her previous relationship;
Any man reacts painfully to the departure of his beloved girl . And no matter how much he would like to return the girl who left for another, he first needs to cope with the grievances that have piled up. Trying to restore destroyed happiness are usually those men who really love their soulmate and cannot imagine themselves with someone else. But, if you do not cope with mental wounds, then even with a favorable outcome, further living together will turn into torment. By working with his grievances, a man becomes stronger and more tolerant. A strong, wise man will not despair and will find a way out of any situation;
a man must understand that a woman leaving does not mean that she really fell in love with another . The beloved could be tired of her husband’s behavior; she did not have the patience to cope with the situation. Another man, in the female understanding, often plays the role of a substitute spouse; the woman thus simply tries to re-educate her beloved. This means that the lover does not play an important role for the girl, which means the husband has every chance of returning the relationship.

The listed recommendations will help you get the girl back if she is with someone else. But the hardest thing in this situation for an abandoned man is to be able to survive the very fact of betrayal. After all, after betrayal between two partners, trust disappears, which is very difficult to restore.

A jilted man needs to stop humiliating himself. If he asked for forgiveness once, then you shouldn’t do it again. Women are repulsed by pathetic men who are on their knees, begging for forgiveness. Even if the spouse manages to get his beloved back in this way, further relationships will not be able to develop normally.

Your appearance will help you bring back the girl who left. The guy needs to look even more attractive than when living together. Working on behavior and eliminating mistakes begins with appearance. Thus, some men, whose beloved has left them, stop taking care of themselves, walk around with unwashed hair, and do not change clothes. If they are going to fight for their girlfriend, then they need to think about appearance first. You should not let yourself go under any circumstances.

To return his beloved, a man will need to spend a lot of time and effort. Each situation is individual, and different scenarios for restoring broken relationships are suitable for a specific case. There is no single line of behavior. But, nevertheless, there is something common in all cases. This is a man making a balanced, thoughtful decision with a cool head.