An old children's horror story - in a black-black city, on a black-black street, in a black-black house, in a black-black room... Give me my heart. By playing such horror stories, children, getting scared and laughing, part with their fears. But sometimes it is incredibly scary for a child to enter a black room. Where does his fear of the dark come from? What to do when your foolish child has terrible dreams? Fear of the dark is one of the most ancient, dating back to caves, therefore it appears to varying degrees in all children, usually at the age of 3-4 years, only in some it appears in the form of mild apprehension, in others it reaches horror.
How to prevent this horror?
- If you want to overcome night terrors, never scare the baby yourself - not with Baba Yaga, not with a babayka, not with an aunt with an injection, or with an uncle to whom you give it. No one and no way. Fear of the dark is one of the most ancient. It is associated both with the moment of birth and with the fear of losing the love of parents
- Turn evil heroes into good ones - you can come up with the endings of fairy tales yourself, you can fantasize with your child.
- Use a baby night light; some modern models have a special audio sensor that turns on a quiet lullaby when the baby wakes up and starts crying.
- Make sure that the toys are appropriate for their age - do not overload the child’s imagination.
- Deal with your fear of the dark - parents often “pass it on” by inheritance.
- Draw fears with your child; when he turns something dark, unshaped and frightening into a tentacled raccoon or a blue jabberwock, he will feel better. Play out different situations with him - why the jabberwocky is so scary, and how to protect yourself from it.
- Transform yourself into scouts with your child for a while. Toy weapons can be left in the bed so that the child has something to defend himself with.
- Hide and seek can also help you - just hide the toys, some in a lighted room, others in a dark place. You can come up with points or points, and give more points for a toy found in a dark place.
- Agree with each other - sometimes dad is a supporter of saving light or a fan of radical measures: he is afraid of the dark - which means you need to leave him in the darkest room. There is such a way - to treat like with like, but still this is not the case. Explain to dad that the most valuable thing is the baby’s health, both physical and mental. And for the second, the risk is much higher: neuroses, stuttering and broken trust are just a few of the risks that too radical methods of overcoming a child’s fear can pose.
- Make a path of LED garlands to the bed, along which the child can walk and feel safe.
- If your child is frightened by the shape of any objects, remove them.
- Hang light accumulating stickers above the crib.
- You can blow your fears into a balloon and let it go outside. So you say: “take in air, collect fear and blow it into the ball. That's it, we hid it."
- Make the dark attractive. Buy neon bracelets that you can only play with in the darkest corner. Take your child to a shadow theater - let him see how magical a dark room can be. Learn to show shadow figures yourself. Another way is to have candlelit dinners with your child from time to time; the mysterious festivity will help you tame the darkness.
- It’s an obvious piece of advice, but it’s still worth remembering – don’t scold or tease your child for his fears, he’s not to blame for them. It’s better to hug more often, especially at night.
Instead of
Fear of the dark in children
Almost all young children are afraid of the dark. To be honest, darkness often inspires fear in adults too. Even now, when electricity prices are skyrocketing, many people prefer to leave the light on in the hallway when leaving home. Of course, not everyone admits what this is for, but they talk about thieves: they say, thieves will see that our lights are on and will not come in, thinking that they are the owners of the house. And besides, in the dark you can’t immediately find the switch, and in general... You never know what kind of rational explanations you can come up with for an irrational, inexplicable fear?!But the fact remains: there is something mystical in the dark. It is not for nothing that so many terrible beliefs, legends and fairy tales are associated with the night and darkness. The fear of darkness is especially strong among peoples not affected by modern civilization. And since children are close to both nature and the cultural origins, it is no coincidence that they love fairy tales so much! - it is not surprising that darkness often causes them panic, extreme horror.
However, adults, being lenient towards their own weaknesses, are in no hurry to indulge the child’s weaknesses. It would seem that a lot has been said about the fact that if children are afraid of the dark, they need to leave a light in the room, but still some parents are sure that sleeping with the chandelier on is much more harmful for the child’s psyche than nightly stress. They don’t even consider it stress!
“Let him get used to it,” is a common answer.
Although later, when they begin to understand what horrors the darkness can be inhabited for their son or daughter, the parents themselves become horrified. And they no longer ask rhetorical questions about why the child suffers from bedwetting (enuresis) or is extremely irritable. But this understanding, alas, turns out to be late, the job is done, and children have to be taken to doctors for a long time, and not always with a positive result. Breaking is always more difficult than building.
Those mothers and fathers who have learned a seemingly comic, but in fact very important principle: “Normal heroes always take a detour!” act much smarter.
Can't overcome fear in a head-on attack? - No problem! You can approach it from the rear, turning overcoming it into an entertaining game.
Let's say like this:
Animals in a hole
Three-year-old Misha reacted to turning off the lights as if he were receiving an electric shock. No matter how soundly he slept, he would immediately wake up and start screaming. Mom admonished him, dad got angry - everything was to no avail. Until one day it occurred to the mother to start a game with the baby. Putting Misha to bed, she lay down next to him (naturally, with the overhead light on), covered herself with a blanket, leaving a small crack, and began to quietly say: “You and I are little animals, lying in a cozy hole. It’s dark, cold, and raining outside, but here you and I are warm and cozy. And no one will come here to us, we won’t let anyone in.”
At first, Misha was afraid to lie in the dark even with his mother - he kept trying to throw off the blanket so that it would become completely light. But his mother convinced him that it was more interesting to play in the twilight. And her voice sounded so calm and soothing that Misha gradually relaxed and quickly fell asleep.
Then, when the boy got used to it, his mother took the next step: instead of a chandelier, she began to turn on a table lamp. And the game featured a motif about a cowardly little bunny and a brave little bear, whose name, naturally, was Misha. The little bunny was worried, capricious, and cowardly, but the little bear Misha calmed him down and gave reasons why he shouldn’t be afraid. (This is a very important point, because when inventing arguments, the child naturally tries them on himself and, on the one hand, involuntarily suggests to his parents the correct tactics for influencing himself, and on the other, engages in self-hypnosis).
Gradually, my mother managed to shift the “zone of light” to the corridor. The boy only asked that the door to the room be left ajar. And he himself reminded that the overhead light should be turned off - when falling asleep, the light began to disturb Misha.
Beavers
And this game was invented by the children themselves, the twins Kolya and Olya.
Even though they were twice Misha’s age, they were no less afraid of the dark than he was. Of course, the children did not set any psychotherapeutic goals for themselves and did not even suspect that in this way they could get rid of fear. They were just interested. But the fear gradually began to go away, and my mother, noticing this, joined the game and directed it in the right direction. The children made themselves a house under the table, covered with a large tablecloth, and imagined themselves to be beavers. The tablecloth hung all the way to the floor, so it was quite dark under the table. Mom volunteered to play the role of a hunter who could not catch the beavers, since the hunter could not get under the table according to the conditions of the game. They played happily, laughed a lot, joked, and did not even notice how most of the game began to take place in semi-darkness (it was winter, and it got dark early).
Hide and seek
Perfect for overcoming the fear of the dark and the classic children's game of hide and seek. Here again, you should go in the direction “from simple to complex,” gradually darkening the room. Or you can arrange the game so that it’s not people who are hiding, but dolls. And hide some of the dolls in a room where the lights are off. But please don’t demand that your child go there the first time! And don’t be upset if he’s afraid even for the tenth time. Otherwise, he will develop an allergy to such games, and then it will be generally unclear how to approach him.
Children's fears must be respected
- What if the child, despite all the tricks, is still afraid of the dark? - you ask. - Why should he leave the light in the room until he gets old?
But tell me, have you seen a lot of adults who sleep only with the light on? It’s the same as being afraid: what if a child sucks a pacifier until he grows old or doesn’t learn to go to the potty?
My youngest son, for example, from a very early age, about one year old, disliked the dark. He disliked him so much that he flatly refused to go out in the evenings. As soon as it began to get dark outside, it was impossible to drag him out into the street by any means. He whined, resisted, and if we insisted, he began to sob. However, we did not insist, but tried to rearrange our schedule so as to take the child out into the street as little as possible in the evening. Of course, this created certain difficulties, because in the fall and winter it gets dark early in the middle zone. But we considered that the child’s psychological comfort was more important, and we were right. Gradually the fear of the dark faded away. And if we decided “not to compromise our principles” and dragged the baby in the evenings to “breathe fresh air,” he could well begin to stutter or enuresis. Which would ultimately result in even greater difficulties for us.
You need to respect other people's feelings. Even if the person is still a child. Of course, this does not mean that you should indulge any childish weaknesses, but you must admit that weaknesses are different. It's one thing when a child is mischievous or malicious. Here, naturally, there is no need to let him down. But sometimes he just can’t help himself. And I would be glad, but I can’t. Fear of the dark is just such a case. It takes possession of the child’s soul, and to fight it with coercive measures means to breed even greater fears and embitterment. This is the same as demanding from a nearsighted person that he can see well without glasses, and shaming him for his failures.
One of the most important educational (and indeed life) principles is the ability to imagine oneself in the place of another person and understand what feelings our actions cause in him. It would seem that everything is extremely clear and simple. But no! Many people are unable to make this mental transference until they experience it firsthand.
Imagine that you are also very afraid of something. For example, you feel afraid for the lives of your relatives or for your own. And those around you will not calm you down, but will get irritated or make fun of you. How would you perceive such an attitude? You are probably unlikely to take it for love. And, of course, you won’t want to share your experiences anymore. Or maybe even try to communicate less with such people.
You say: “Fear of the dark is one thing, and fear for someone’s life is another. How can you compare serious things with some stupid things?” But, firstly, a child’s life consists precisely of these “nonsense”, of little things. And these little things are no less important to him than to us - our serious, adult problems (which often seem stupid to him too). And secondly, the fear of darkness also essentially hides the fear of death. This is generally the basis of all fears, only the child, naturally, is not able to realize the psychological background of his feelings. Not all adults can cope with such a task on their own. Although if a child’s fear of the dark is persistent, it is absolutely necessary to try to understand this. And, of course, having understood what the reason is, we must strive to eliminate it.
Take a closer look at yourself, at your behavior, analyze your family situation. It may very well turn out that a child’s fear of the dark is in fact not fear at all, but a screen behind which completely different feelings are hidden.
For example, jealousy. Like six-year-old Masha, who was overcome by fear of the dark shortly after the birth of her younger brother. Naturally, the girl was not a hypocrite, she did not pretend. She was sincerely afraid, but a psychological analysis of her behavior showed that Masha was subconsciously trying to attract the attention of her mother, who was absorbed in the baby. Not only did the baby demand attention from morning to evening, but he also had very difficulty falling asleep. Therefore, his mother had to put him to bed for a long time. And before, before the birth of her brother, the evenings were dedicated only to Masha, so a completely understandable feeling of protest was brewing in her soul. And having matured, it splashed out, but not in an obvious, but in a veiled form. When the mother began to pay more attention to the girl and started the custom of reading fairy tales to her in the evenings in the room where the little one fell asleep, Masha’s fear of the dark disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared.
Very often, the fear of the dark arises at the age of four or five in children who feel rejected and irritated by adults. Especially if this adult is their own beloved mother.
Fears often appear as a result of some kind of shock, deep experiences, or psychological trauma.
For example, if a preschooler spent some time in the hospital. Or even in more favorable conditions: for example, with grandparents, but without parents, to whom he is very attached.
In other cases, “fear of darkness” may also turn out to be a hidden protest. But not against inattention, but on the contrary, against excessive care from adults. After all, sometimes they don’t allow the child to take a step on his own! Outwardly, he comes to terms with this. Such children are generally flexible and non-conflicting. But when it comes to darkness, they show incredible persistence. Even if you cut them, they won’t go into a dark room!
And here parents have to come to terms. Moreover, it looks quite excusable. Well, a person cannot overcome himself! What can you do? But if you allow such a child to breathe freely, if you give him greater independence, the fear of the dark “by itself” will disappear. Without any games or contacting specialists.
Of course, it is not easy to understand “who is lurking in the dark” (especially if our own miscalculations and shortcomings are hidden there). But otherwise you won’t achieve anything, but you will wander aimlessly in the dark and constantly stumble upon sharp corners in your relationship with your children. And in conclusion, some specific advice to parents:
— Without waiting for your child to develop fears, leave a lit nightlight or floor lamp in his room.
— Don’t turn off the lights in the hallway: it happens that children want to go to the toilet at night, but are afraid to go out because it’s dark in the hallway.
— The children's room should not be far from the parents' room, and a preschool child who is afraid of the dark does not necessarily have to sleep in a separate room. Still, in most cases, such children come to their parents in the middle of the night. If adults persistently send the baby back, this will only worsen his fear and feeling of loneliness. As a result, the child may become annoying, capricious, and aggressive.
- If any objects scare a child in the dark with their outlines, remove them to another place. Entreaties not to be afraid, as a rule, do not work.
- Start games in shaded corners of the apartment, under the table, in a house built from several chairs covered with a blanket, in a room with curtained windows, etc.
— On weekends and holidays, when the whole family gathers for an evening meal, turn off the lights and dine by candlelight or small lamps. The child should like it because it looks unusual and solemn. Captivated by pleasant impressions, he will thus quietly get used to the twilight.
Things you shouldn't do
- Rely on logic, even if you say a hundred times: “Don’t be afraid, it’s not scary,” you will not achieve results, and the child’s fear will not disappear.
- Do not leave your baby alone in an unfamiliar room.
- When thinking about how to get rid of the fear of the dark, first of all, exclude aggressive cartoons, films and books. Leave what fosters kindness and trust: “The Town Musicians of Bremen”, “Mowgli”, “Toy Story”, “Bambi”, “The Nutcracker”. You can use fairy tale therapy or buy a wonderful book “The ABC of Courage”.
Of course, in the end, your baby will learn on his own how to overcome childhood fears, but without your help it will be much more difficult for him to do this.
Personal opinion
Alexey Kortnev:
– Personally, as a child I never encountered such a problem as fear of the dark. But my mother always left my bedroom door ajar to let in a sliver of light. I think that if a child is afraid of the dark, then first of all you need to talk to him about this topic and try to explain that there is no danger in this. And don’t insist that the light needs to be turned off if the child asks to leave the night light on. Over time, this fear of his will disappear. But if you turn off the light, the child’s sleep may be disturbed and he will sleep restlessly at night.
Why are babies a year and older afraid of the dark?
There are a number of reasons that can create a persistent fear of the dark in a child:
- influence of adults;
- family situation;
- rich imagination;
- negative experience.
Psychotherapist Elena Kravets claims that a newborn has no fear of the dark. But over time, the baby gets used to the light, and he does not correlate the dark room with the room that was just illuminated. The outline of objects in his eyes changes and takes on an ominous appearance. The baby often does not understand why he is worried. And the reason in fact is the fear of “dead space”, which cannot be grasped with one’s gaze. For example, the area above the closet is inaccessible to a child’s eyes, and for the child it poses a potential danger.
The thoughtless influence of parents and other adults on the developing psyche
Indeed, adults themselves are to blame for many children’s fears. Through their emotions and unjustified fears, parents, grandparents, and kindergarten teachers instill in their children the need to be afraid of a dark room. For example, when a child cannot fall asleep for a long time, the mother says that Baba Yaga will fly in on her mortar and take him with her, or warns that an evil wolf is hiding behind the closet and loves to bite those who do not want to sleep. Here it is appropriate to recall the words from the famous lullaby “a little gray wolf will come and bite you on the side,” which can disturb the peace of an overly impressionable baby for a long time.
Kindergarten teachers invent similar characters in order to quickly put children into bed.
There is another gross mistake on the part of adults. When a baby is warned that if he doesn’t get enough sleep, he will be capricious and harmful tomorrow, he is being programmed in advance for negative behavior.
Often, parents, in the presence of their child, watch scary and cruel stories on TV about murders, disasters, terrorist attacks and other disasters. Even if the baby does not pay attention to the screen, his impressionable mind still absorbs unnecessary information. And then it transforms into various phobias.
Family conflicts should also be included in this group of reasons for the development of fear. When a child watches adults sort things out, he develops self-doubt, anxiety, and a feeling of being useless to his parents. He doesn't feel protected. If mom and dad don’t calm the baby down in a timely manner, then the worries can transform into a fear of the dark.
Rich children's imagination and developed self-hypnosis
The same applies to reading fairy tales like “Little Red Riding Hood”, “Little Thumb”, “The Cluttering Fly” and others, where there are heroes who can scare a child.
Negative experience or unpleasant incident
A specific situation that happened to a child or people close to him can greatly influence the child’s attitude towards the dark. For example, a little researcher wanted to go into an unlit room, and suddenly a cat or dog jumped out. At a subconscious level, the baby’s reaction is delayed: where it’s dark, it’s scary and dangerous.
Causes of fear depending on age - table
| Age | Manifestation of fear |
| 3–4 years | During this period, the child begins to attend kindergarten, where he meets many adults and peers. Quarrels often arise with new friends, which the child may perceive as a real tragedy. At home he is given a separate room where he is left alone to sleep. The result is a feeling of fear and loneliness. |
| 5–6 years | The child is afraid of what he cannot understand. It is impossible to see objects in the dark, and his imagination paints terrible pictures for him. There is a feeling of helplessness and panic. |
| 7–8 years | The child begins to go to school, encountering many new people there. The first responsibilities appear. At this time, many children experience fear of the dark for the first time or return. In an unlit room, the student is left alone with his problems. But by the age of eight, fear usually disappears. |
| after 9 years | Children of this age love to tell each other horror stories and watch horror films to prove to themselves that they are brave. Scary images come to life at night, transforming into fears. Thus, after 9 years of age, fear of the dark is mainly due to uncontrolled viewing of television content. |
1.Children’s fears – where do they come from?
Since ancient times, fairy tales have been read to children at bedtime. Fairy tale characters are usually fictional. They are given names, roles, and endowed with character.
Thanks to this, the fairy tale becomes either magical, instructive, or frightening. Of course, fairy tales are not intended to frighten children, but the presence of negative characters in them instills fear in children.
A child's imagination is very different from an adult's. Children are more receptive to interesting stories and events. Plunging into the world of fairy tales, children are completely transported into them, imagining themselves as one of the heroes.
Modern cartoons evoke strange feelings. On the one hand, such cartoons are needed for the child to develop with the times.
But some cartoons leave much to be desired. Sometimes you don’t understand who is shown on the screen. Is it an animal or some kind of alien?
Famous monster dolls, vampire dolls with coffins, in scars. Who were they invented for? For our children?
Be honest, does anyone buy these toys for their child? If yes, then here is the answer to the question why a child is afraid of the dark.
If a child plays with scary toys during the day and nothing unusual happens, then in the evening the feelings become aggravated, and all the emotions accumulated during the day manifest themselves with double force.
This can manifest itself in the form of terrible dreams, screams in sleep, and other things.
So where do children's fears come from? Everything is very simple - from the world around us. We adults ourselves contribute to the development of fears in children.
Let's be more selective in buying children's toys and watching cartoons.
And of course, it is necessary to talk with the child and find out the reasons for his fears. Having understood the reason, it will be possible to easily solve the problem of the appearance of phobias in a child in the early stages.
Sublimate fear onto paper
In general, children often experience fear of the dark between the ages of 3 and 7 years. And here it is very important that parents do not aggravate this fear by their actions, but, on the contrary, help the child get rid of it. It would not be best to punish a child for his whims, knowing about his phobia, to lock him in a dark room. You can help him get rid of this fear by asking him to draw an image that causes him discomfort. After this, allow him to paint over the “scary” drawing or even tear or burn the sheet of paper, explaining that this “baby” will no longer interfere with his sleep.
Why are children afraid of the dark?
Dislike of the dark is a very common phenomenon before adolescence. On average, about 80% of children experience fear when entering a dark room. About 10% of people take it with them into adulthood. And 2% of the entire population of our planet are so unable to resist this fear that they allow it to develop into nyctophobia.
At 2 years old, children may experience the first manifestations of fear of the dark.
A person suffering from nyctophobia experiences extreme discomfort in the dark. His imagination draws non-existent terrible pictures that threaten his life, and panic begins. This condition needs urgent correction, and the person himself needs psychological help. In order to prevent the development of a phobia in their child in time, parents must be attentive to his behavior and reactions to the world around him.
At 2 years old, children may experience the first manifestations of fear. The baby is afraid to enter a dark room, does not want to be left alone at night, asks to go to his parents’ bed, cries if the lights are turned off. Such unreasonable fear is often a stage of growing up and, with adequate help from parents, remains a thing of the past. The causes of fear of the dark may change with age.
2–3 years
During this period of life, the baby becomes more and more independent, and the parents move him to sleep at night in a separate crib (if he previously slept with his mother) and, if possible, in his own room. Not all children take such changes calmly. Finding yourself alone at night can make your child feel insecure.
And in order to avoid possible danger, he will try by all means to attract the attention of mom or dad. And if this relocation coincides with going to kindergarten and watching cartoons with negative characters, the child’s anxiety may increase at night
4–5 years
This age is characterized by increasing social activity of the baby. New friends, new games, interaction with adults in kindergarten and at home, trips somewhere make the child’s life more eventful and emotions more varied. Cartoons and films with a negative tone and a tense storyline are deposited with corresponding impressions in a child’s head. And since the baby’s imagination gains strength at this age, everything he experiences during the day takes on incredible and frightening shapes in the dark. Baba Yaga can hide under the bed, and a scary monster can crawl out of a dark closet.
6–7 years
The child grows, and his fears become more conscious. Something bad and even creepy may be hiding in the darkness, something that is dangerous. Disasters seen on TV or Bluebeard from a fairy tale will not let you sleep peacefully. It happens that a child is afraid of a specific incident or character. And going to school, communicating with classmates and teachers, and family relationships often add excitement and uncertainty to the child.
8–9 years
By the age of 9, the fear of the dark gradually becomes obsolete. Children are already good at distinguishing between real and imagined dangers. If a child has trouble sleeping at night, there is most likely a specific reason. It can lie in interpersonal relationships, in hearing negative information, poor performance, a quarrel with loved ones, or watching a horror movie at night.
10–11 years
The child enters a transitional period, and his emotional state and emerging fears are directly related to hormonal levels. Children often become more vulnerable and irritable, and are easily offended or upset. The child puts all his unresolved problems, internal emotions and experiences into his bed with him. Parents need to be attentive to their children, find out the cause of anxiety and help in time.
All unprocessed fears can cause a lot of trouble in the future.
The darkness frightens the child with its mystery and uncertainty. When the baby's vision cannot receive information from the outside world, the imagination begins to draw threatening pictures. Young children and adolescents may associate darkness with loneliness, which is also perceived as unpleasant and often dangerous. If your child has ever been locked in a dark room for punishment, this will most likely develop into a fear of the dark. Sometimes this fear is firmly connected with some other fear (for example, fear of death) and is only a consequence of it. To help their offspring, parents must definitely understand the reasons for the fear that has arisen. If the problem is left unsolved, it can accompany the child for a long time or even develop into an obsessive phobia.
2.Why fear of the dark can be dangerous for a child’s health
Fear of the dark is one of the phobias.
What is a phobia? In short, it is the fear of something. Uncontrollable feelings of fear. Phobias are different from just fear. Phobias are a constant process.
That is, if your baby once told you that sleeping in the room at night is scary, that’s one thing.
But if a child is hysterical every night, says that he will not sleep alone in the room at night, and comes to his parents at night, then this is completely different.
In such cases, it is necessary to seriously pay attention to this problem.
The consequences of phobias are different. In most cases, an adult gets rid of fears. He is able to control his feelings and not give in to emotions.
Only psychologists can help with this problem. These people know everything about phobias. They will ask the right questions and bring out all your fears and worries.
But we must remember that psychologists will be powerless to help if the person himself does not want to get rid of his phobias.
Therefore, if you notice any phobia in your child, immediately seek the help of specialists. Don't let your child grow up with feelings of fear.
