Alcoholic in the family: how to behave, treatment

Content:

1. Which exits and situations with the least losses
2. How to understand that your spouse is suffering from alcoholism
3. How to live with an alcoholic husband, or a psychologist to help you
4. Treatment with a narcologist
5. Alcoholic husband: how to live without unnecessary worries, and how to achieve consent to treatment

Despite the prevalence of alcoholism, admitting to having it and asking for help is considered shameful.
Due to the hushing up of the problem, it worsens, the disease progresses and begins to destroy the life of not only the drinker, but also all his relatives. Wives and children are the first to suffer from alcoholism. It is especially difficult for spouses of addicts - public opinion places a colossal burden on them.
Sharp questions arise: is it worth living with an alcoholic husband, and what to do to pull your loved one out of the whirlpool of addiction?

Recommendations for a woman who wants to leave her alcoholic husband

When it is finally and irrevocably decided that it is impossible to live with a drinking person, a woman must act quickly and decisively. Most likely, your husband will try to persuade you not to do this, but you shouldn’t agree with him. He can press on pity, promise to stop drinking, appeal to conscience - do not listen to him and do as you planned.

1. Immediately confront him with the fact that you don’t know and don’t want to know how to live with an alcoholic husband . Psychologists recommend talking about this firmly and only once. He must understand that you are not joking and are not going to change your decision. If this has no effect on him and he still touches the bottle, carry out your threat and leave. If you constantly only scare you about divorce, but at the same time stay with your husband, he will quickly get used to your words and will simply ignore them.
2. Don't give in to persuasion . Alcoholics usually feel comfortable in familiar conditions, and the loss of them is fraught with a loss of comfort. In order not to lose the relationship, he will promise anything. In addition to promises, you will find tears, even hysterics, wallowing on your feet, words of repentance and, possibly, bouquets and gifts. If you do not succumb to these tricks, “heavy artillery” will be used - blackmail and threats. By trusting an alcoholic just once, you will become a regular viewer of this performance - after every binge. The fear of losing you is unlikely to make a man stop drinking, perhaps for a short time. It is especially important to think about how to leave an alcoholic husband with a child - he does not need unnecessary shocks, and maintaining comfort for the spouse is fraught with loss of comfort for the children.
3. Female psychology is characterized by pity . Believe me, now this is a false feeling. You must awaken your instinct of self-preservation, this is more important. They say that alcoholics are excellent actors, and you will soon see this for yourself. You will become an incredibly beautiful woman, who, however, no one else will love as much as he does. Your husband will suffer from the upcoming separation and present you with the darkest pictures. He will not be able to live with a broken heart, without you he will go crazy, die, etc. But this is not what you should care about. With his drinking, your spouse is ruining his health, various diseases are developing in his body one after another, which will sooner or later put him out of action, and all this will fall on your shoulders.

Women faced with such a problem begin to think about how to live with an alcoholic husband. Only someone who has been in such a situation can give advice. This means that even a psychologist will not be able to answer the question of whether you should leave or stay; you must make this decision yourself, because only you can live with this person.

Which exits and situations with the least losses

A woman, in the opinion of many, should take some active actions and bear responsibility for them, while an alcoholic does not seem to be responsible for his actions.
In such a situation, there are two solutions:

1. Divorce and leave
2. Try to help my husband recover.

Whether to live with an alcoholic husband is up to you to decide. Just remember two things:

1. No matter what decision you make, there will still be those who will judge you, so follow your motives and rely solely on your own strengths.
2. If the husband himself does not want to stop drinking, he will abuse it, regardless of any treatment.

Psychologist's advice

Most often, relatives seek help when the addiction becomes obvious, that is, at least at stage 2. It is important to understand that in this case it will be almost impossible to cope on your own due to alcohol-associated changes in the patient’s psyche. Alcoholics lack adequate self-criticism, so the vicious circle of “binge-breakdown-false promises” does not open on its own.

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What should a wife do if her husband drinks?

In a situation where the husband is addicted to alcohol, the health and well-being of family members depends on the behavior of the partner. The issue becomes more acute when there are minor children. For a woman, there are several possible scenarios for the development of events:

1. If you still have feelings and faith in your loved one, help him decide to start treatment. Then support him in every possible way and attend family psychotherapy sessions together. Alcoholics are very sensitive to attempts at manipulation, responding with anger and even harshness.
2. Solve family problems without complaining to relatives and friends. The intervention of strangers can only increase the husband’s aggression, which will serve as an additional motive to refuse treatment.
3. If numerous requests and persuasion remain unanswered, and the situation continues to worsen, you need to seriously think about your own well-being. A woman should not sacrifice her life to please a person who brings only pain and hardship to her loved ones.

Becoming codependent is also not an option. Alcoholism is a serious disease, but it can still be treated with due patience and the desire to lead a sober life. The sooner a man begins to receive adequate complex therapy, the higher the chance of achieving long-term remission.

For any type of disease, a person needs a comprehensive examination. Regular intoxication leads to dysfunction of almost all tissues and organs. Treatment requires not only substance dependence syndrome, but also concomitant pathology.

Every year, more than 3 million people die due to alcoholism, the majority of whom are men (WHO).

What should you say to your drinking husband?

There is no single approach to communicating with drinkers; everyone has individual characteristics. For the same reason, psychotherapeutic influence occupies such an important position in complex treatment. It is necessary to take into account character traits, the current stage of the disease, and the patient’s attitude towards his partner.

Tell your husband more often about his virtues and successes. Do not respond with aggression to insults said while intoxicated. Focus on words that show your love and support.

Communication with your husband should be as close as possible to the normal that preceded the abuse. It is important to avoid the following:

• insults;
• screams;
• humiliation;
• provocative phrases;
• threats;
• attempts to manipulate;
• behave like a mother or teacher;
• compare your husband with other, more successful people;
• constantly remember his mistakes and failures;
• blame for all problems;
• shift responsibility.

The same rules apply to the wife. The partner should not tolerate unfair communication in her own direction.

Alcohol addiction is not an excuse for humiliating and insulting a loved one.

How to deal with a drinker?

Caring for the sick should not go beyond reasonable limits, taking on a caricatured character. A wife is not responsible for the actions and behavior of her husband. It’s even worse when a woman begins to compulsively control all her husband’s actions and punish him for relapses or mistakes.

If possible, load your husband with housework, remind him of past hobbies and interests. Greet you after work with a smile and a good mood. Try to limit the access of alcoholic “friends” to your partner.

We must not forget that the actions of an alcoholic are unpredictable. At one point in time he can tearfully ask for forgiveness, and a moment later he can insult or hit. Never provoke conflict situations, keeping in mind your own health and the well-being of your children.

Is it worth living with an alcoholic husband?

No one can dictate to another person how to behave in certain situations. The final decision depends on the desires and capabilities of the woman, as well as the response of the partner. Patients react differently to treatment and attempts by loved ones to help them.

You definitely cannot indulge a man who has resorted to violence at least once. If a person poses a threat to the lives of loved ones, you cannot be in the same apartment with him. You should communicate your decision to leave calmly; it is better to take children and personal belongings to a safe place in advance.

How to understand that your spouse is suffering from alcoholism

Many adults drink alcohol, but this does not automatically make them alcoholics. For an adult man with normal alcohol tolerance, it is not dangerous to consume the following per day:

• 90-100 ml of strong alcohol (vodka or cognac),
• 300 ml wine,
• 700 ml beer.

Such doses of drinks contain about 30 ml of pure ethanol. A healthy body processes it without residue or consequences. After drinking in small doses, behavior does not change and a hangover does not appear.

If you are categorically against any drinking, you will have to look for a compromise, but it makes no sense to demand that your husband completely give up alcohol. Marriage does not give the right to prohibit a spouse from doing anything.

The following signs indicate the presence of alcoholism:

1. Regularity of alcohol consumption
2. Inability to restrain yourself in the presence of alcohol and stop at 1 glass or glass,
3. Aggressive or cheeky behavior when intoxicated,
4. Without alcohol he considers the table incomplete,
5. Of the two events, preference is given to the one where there is alcohol,
6. Irritation when it is impossible to drink (they didn’t set alcohol, while driving, promised not to drink),
7. Tendency to increase the dose of alcohol,
8. Regular hangover after drinking
9. Habit of alcohol hangover. You need to be wary, even if a person is used to relieving a hangover with beer and prefers it to all other methods.

All this indicates weak self-control and formed psychological dependence, and the question of how to live with an alcoholic husband becomes very acute. The trouble is that in this case the person is unlikely to take your concerns seriously. Even if there is a problem, the alcoholic will deny it , and attempts to dissuade him from drinking will be perceived as “puzzle”. The husband will begin to blame you for spoiling his mood, and to improve it he will drink even more.

What to do if your husband is an alcoholic?

Of course, when the marriage has already taken place, the wife begins to feel all the disadvantages of living with an alcoholic. As a rule, people prone to alcoholism are very aggressive, and the easiest way to take out aggression is on the one who is closest - your wife. It can manifest itself in both words and physical violence.

Even if a woman does not want to divorce such a husband, the family will be inferior. He will only show interest in topics related to drinking. Formally, the child will have a father, but in reality, this father will know that he has a child and what gender it is, or, at best, how old the child is. This is where the “education” on the part of the man in the family will end.

Man on the sofa

If a woman, being married, stubbornly wants to turn her husband into a non-drinker, then there is only one way out: to persuade him to go to a consultation with a narcologist. It is very difficult to independently explain to an alcoholic that he is an alcoholic, and awareness of the problem is half the success. Therefore, you should trust a professional.

A narcologist or psychotherapist will try to choose the right words to convince the patient that there is a problem and it needs to be solved. If you can take your husband to a doctor, and he, in turn, can motivate the patient for treatment, the chances of recovery are very high. As mentioned earlier, a person is able to give up a bad habit only when he wants to. Your task is to revive such a goal in him.

When a woman feels that her husband has a problem with alcohol, she begins to aggravate this problem even more: create scandals, throw out her negativity on her husband. Thus, she becomes codependent. Psychotherapists advise starting treatment with the woman herself. If a husband sees his wife changing for the better, he himself will begin to change, even if it takes some time.

A woman is advised to take care of herself: join a fitness center, change her hairstyle, get rid of negativity. Thus, the woman makes her husband understand that something has changed and cannot continue like this. The wife is the closest person and she is the one who can become the first motivator for her husband and the person who will support and convince him that alcoholism is a disease and it needs to be treated.

When the patient falls into the hands of a qualified doctor, it becomes easier. A competent doctor begins treatment for alcoholism only when he sees the patient’s motivation. The task of the family is to support a sober lifestyle in the family in every possible way: arrange joint weekends with trips to the movies, entertainment centers, etc.

How to live with an alcoholic husband, or a psychologist to help you

If there is no doubt about alcohol addiction: there have already been binges and abstinence, then nothing can be done on your own.
These are signs of stage 2 of alcoholism, when there is a physiological need for alcohol. Because of this, the alcoholic almost turns off his willpower and critical thinking. The person does not feel sick, cannot, and most importantly, does not want to control the craving for drunkenness. Drinking gradually displaces all other values ​​from consciousness, including relationships with loved ones. An alcoholic does not care what other people feel, and because of this, life in the same territory with him becomes unbearable.

But often at this stage the feelings or habit still persist. And the woman continues to torment herself with the question of how to live with her alcoholic husband, seeks advice from psychologists and continues to maintain the relationship. During light intervals, the husband can be caring, promise to stop, and the wife believes in it.

Other reasons that keep a woman close to an alcoholic:

• The presence of children who supposedly need a father,
• Shared housing,
• Deterioration of financial situation after divorce.

Long-term existence in a stressful situation and habit lead to the loss of the ability to soberly assess the situation in the family and make the right decision. you analyze the current situation and develop the right tactics on how to live with your alcoholic husband .
In many large cities there are specialists who work with addicts and their families. Invite your spouse to visit him together, but if he refuses, do not insist. You cannot help a person against his will.

How should their wives deal with alcoholics?

When the problem only appears, do everything to eliminate drunken get-togethers. Get rid of drinking friends who do not know how to properly manage their free time. Create an artificially acute shortage of money so that your spouse begins to work actively, without relying on your salary, the help of parents or friends.

Let him be afraid of losing you. Avoid shouting and threats, because my husband only drinks occasionally. Tell a friend over the phone that a work colleague is inviting you to a cafe, but you haven’t gone out with your beloved spouse for so long. Buy tickets to the theater, to exhibitions - places you can’t go after a glass of vodka. Start playing sports, taking care of yourself, buy beautiful clothes, in a word, show him that you are a beautiful, young woman who enjoys the attention of the opposite sex.

Depict the discomfort that comes from worrying about your husband. Leave him with the children for a week, while you stay in the clinic. Let him have no time to sigh from worries and worries about you. The listed methods are effective at the early stage of alcoholism, when there are still no signs of mental degradation or complete indifference to loved ones.

Treatment with a narcologist

Professional help using medications and psychotherapy is the only way to cure alcoholism. All other methods - folk recipes, coding, spells, etc. - temporarily weaken the symptoms, and the person abstains from drinking for some time, but invariably returns to it.

If you manage to persuade a person to encode - and this procedure can only be voluntary - then the desire to drink will not completely disappear. Fear or an instilled aversion to alcohol will force a person to abstain from drinking. As a rule, after forced sobriety, drunkenness only intensifies.

Therefore, during the period of sobriety, you need to try to convince your spouse that it will become easier for him only after treatment. The following can help you make the right decision:

• Fear of losing family
• Risk of dismissal from work,
• The appearance of diseases.

The most reliable treatment is in a specialized hospital. There is no risk that a person will suddenly lose his temper or that his drinking buddies will pass him the drink. But the course of treatment is long - about 3 months, and some medications may need to be taken after discharge.

The man's consent is also required for hospitalization. The only reason for compulsory hospitalization of an alcoholic is delirium tremens or other psychosis, in which the alcoholic is aggressive and dangerous.

How to act

The first thing to understand is that a person internally realizes the burden and harmfulness of alcohol consumption, its negative impact on life and communication with people around him. What prevents people from putting this awareness into practice and stopping the use of ethanol is addiction: physiological and psychological. They do not have the strength to cope with it on their own; they come up with numerous excuses and justifications.

The problem is that the measures that women usually take when such a situation arises further aggravate the situation, suppress the person’s will and increase dependence.

They do not understand that inside a person there is a conflict between common sense and addiction, and it is important to support the first side, give it an impetus, and not just put pressure on the patient and oppress him.

For this reason, controlling behavior is completely ineffective. The wife is trying to take control of her husband, completely subjugate his life, and watch every step. Such tactics can only lead to a negative result: the appearance of neuroses, depression, and humiliation of human dignity. This will only increase a man’s desire to drink. And he will do this at any time when his wife’s control weakens: on business trips, when traveling.

It may seem that the complete removal of guardianship will untie a person’s hands, and he will go to great lengths. But there is one trick here .

Control must be eliminated completely, that is, stop taking those actions that make the life of an alcoholic easier. You should not negotiate for him on work issues, do not give him money, do not show inappropriate pity, do not engage in meaningless arguments. Don't wash his clothes or cook his food.

Change yourself for the better, start monitoring your appearance and habits more carefully. Avoid drinking alcohol, even infrequently and in small doses. This will motivate the husband to make appropriate changes.

Appeal to conscience, but here it is important not to go too far. You can make the situation public to family members so that the husband is ashamed in front of them, but it is better for strangers not to know about it. If your husband shows aggression towards you, then just leave the house without further ado or arguments. This will weigh on his conscience more than any retaliatory aggression.

When a person is left alone with a problem, then he realizes its scale and

the likelihood of him understanding the right path will increase many times over.

After realizing his situation, the husband is more likely to ask for help himself. And you must provide it. But help should not consist of simple pity for a person. It is necessary to stimulate his will. Most likely, the husband himself will ask to limit access to alcohol, and this will be radically different from the restriction that is made against his will. If funds allow, you should go to a clinic to receive quality treatment for alcoholism.

A divorce from a foreigner without his presence in Russia may not proceed as smoothly as if both spouses were present during this procedure. In some cases, a divorce application from only one spouse is sufficient. Read more about this here. When concluding a marriage contract, it is necessary to take into account many nuances. Our article is devoted to this issue.

Alcoholic husband: how to live without unnecessary worries, and how to achieve consent to treatment

Treatment in a hospital is in itself a difficult and lengthy process. But it can be much more difficult to convince a person that he really needs it. Alcoholism is a mental disorder, and a person most often does not understand that he is sick. Persuasion, accusations and any other attempts to point out a problem can lead to both detachment and direct aggression.

In such situations, words are meaningless, so you need to back them up with actions:

1. In the early stages of addiction, when there have been no binges yet, and the person has not yet completely lost self-control, try to help him take his mind off thoughts about drinking .
2. Make your leisure time more eventful and interesting. Spend more time with your husband, find some kind of joint activity that excludes drinking: excursions, visiting museums or the theater, playing sports, tourism. It’s not a fact that a man will respond enthusiastically to this, but it’s worth a try.
3. Do not leave your husband without communication and create an atmosphere of trust. If a person has the opportunity to talk through their emotions and receive support, there will be a little less reason to drink. But before this, it is advisable to consult with a psychotherapist, since inept or too straightforward ways of talking will be regarded as attempts to “get into the soul” and will lead to further alienation.
4. Do not shield your husband and do not protect him from the consequences of drunkenness. Don't justify it even to yourself. Do not buy alcohol, even for a hangover. Do not take from police stations.
5. If there were beatings, write a statement. Physical violence is a barrier in the psyche. If a man overcomes it once, then it is forever. Now he knows he can hit. And if he gets nothing for this, then impunity will turn him into a monster. This is very difficult, and many women view reporting to the police as a betrayal of a loved one. But by keeping silent about violence, they betray themselves and their children. You cannot live in such an atmosphere; it cripples the psyche just like being in a war zone. This especially affects children. Living with an alcoholic, they risk their health and sometimes their lives every day.

Alcoholism changes a person’s personality, and the longer it takes to cure a husband, the less chance it will ever be possible. It’s impossible to say how many times you can forgive breakdowns and binges. Each woman decides for herself how many years of her life she can spend trying to fight alcoholism. If a man tries to participate in treatment, to fight, then he has a chance to be cured, but if he demonstrates that he is doing this only to be left behind, there is no chance.

Conflict with an alcoholic through the eyes of a psychologist

A new way to combat alcoholism has been found

The personality of a person suffering from alcohol addiction changes according to the principle “the further, the worse,” says criminal psychologist Viktor Lyutykh.

“Psychiatrists note that at the beginning of the disease, a person’s characterological characteristics become sharper, he becomes, as it were, a caricature of himself. For example, if a person was easily offended, then with the development of the disease he begins to flare up with or without cause. If he was demonstrative, then his illness makes him hysterical, committing loud acts in public, and so on. Later, with the development of the disease, personality degradation occurs: a person loses self-criticism, his intellectual capabilities are significantly reduced, he ceases to observe moral standards,” the specialist outlines the portrait of a family tyrant-alcoholic.

The indignation of others at the actions of an alcoholic is understandable: the person is outwardly healthy, with a head, arms and legs, but behaves inappropriately and does not respond to words. However, those who try to correct him with persuasion do not always understand that the developing disease over time deprives him of the ability to critically assess his condition and change his behavior, says Izvestia’s interlocutor. Therefore, persuasion-threats, which are effective for normal people, are often useless in relation to those suffering from addiction.

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Photo: Global Look Press/Olga Kravets

The most vulnerable categories of the population to alcoholism have been named

The life of people under the same roof with an alcoholic is difficult and dangerous.

“It’s constant stress that is physically and mentally draining. Those around them form psychological defenses, some successful and some not so successful (for example, they also start drinking). There may be a persistent feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. The development of emotional instability, increased irritability, impulsivity and other disorders is possible. Relatives and friends often experience conflicting feelings: on the one hand, love and pity, on the other, disgust and hatred. Over time, the latter begin to dominate. Some of your loved ones continue to try to save, others stop fighting. And someone commits actions similar to those that occurred in the Stavropol region,” says Lyutykh.

It happens that an alcoholic beats and insults a loved one for a long time and systematically, and after another insult the victim cannot stand it and attacks the offender. If this is proven during the investigation, then the accused has the right to count on the leniency of the court.

Russia's chief narcologist dispels the myth about the existence of an alcoholism gene

“Sometimes such actions of the victim can be qualified as an act of violence (murder or harm to health) committed in a state of passion, and lead to a significant reduction in punishment. The so-called cumulative (accumulated) affect, in particular, is characterized by: long-term accumulation of emotional tension, subjective suddenness of an “affective explosion” in response to another outburst, a narrowing of consciousness and the inability to control one’s actions (during the “explosion”), as well as physical and mental exhaustion (after the “explosion”),” explains the expert.

Women living with an alcoholic

How to live with an alcoholic husband? Women living with an alcoholic suffer from dependence on him; in psychology the term “codependency” is used. What are they like, women living with an alcoholic?

Codependency is a condition that occurs in family members of an alcoholic, which is more severe than the disease of alcoholism itself.

Codependency is a set of learned behaviors, feelings, and beliefs that make life painful.

This is dependence on a patient with alcoholism, accompanied by inattention to oneself to such an extent that there is little opportunity for basic self-care

Women living with an alcoholic suffer from low self-esteem

The low self-esteem of the wives of alcoholics seems to invite pain, suffering, and unbearable trials into their lives. It is because of low self-esteem that they enter into difficult relationships, endure long periods of troubled marriages, and remain faithful to people who may not deserve such devotion.

The formula for healthy self-esteem is very simple. I am no worse than others, but not better than others

Often codependent wives need to constantly prove their superiority over others, primarily over their husband, in order to survive with critically low self-esteem.

Watch the video (total 14 minutes)

Only in the process of recovery from codependency does a clear understanding come: “I don’t love myself. When will I start treating myself as a worthy person?” My answer is: “Start now.”

Heading towards external landmarks

How to live with an alcoholic husband? Codependent wives of alcoholics are completely dependent on external assessments, on relationships with others, although they have little idea of ​​how others should treat them.

Due to low self-esteem, codependent wives may constantly criticize themselves, but cannot stand it when others criticize them. Then they become self-confident, indignant, angry.

Codependent wives of alcoholics do not know how to accept compliments and praise properly. Compliments may even increase their feelings of guilt or inadequacy. And at the same time, their mood deteriorates as a result of the lack of such a powerful boost to their sense of self-worth as “verbal strokes.”

Codependents are ashamed of their husband's drunkenness. They keep these problems as a big family secret.

Watch the video (only 10 minutes)

We can love other people and let them love us.

Today I will love myself. And if I resume my old ways and begin to treat myself as an unworthy person, I can recognize this and change the old way of thinking in time

Repeat this to yourself every day, several times a day, and within two weeks you will feel changes for the better.

Suffering

The wife of an alcoholic lives under high emotional tension. Wives of alcoholics have a high level of negative emotions and frequent psychosomatic illnesses caused by mental illnesses.

Being sick, suffering mentally and physically is typical for the wife of an alcoholic. These women have a great talent for suffering. They often feel guilty. And when you feel guilty, you unconsciously punish yourself with suffering.

How to live with an alcoholic husband? Body and soul are firmly connected. If you abandon your feelings, don’t live them, don’t express them outwardly, don’t realize them, then you can get sick physically.

Self-denial

Wives of alcoholics, in a psychological sense, abandon themselves, their feelings, emotions, and experiences. Many wives of alcoholics say: “I haven’t felt like myself for a long time.”

There are such statements: “I have become lifeless, kind of wooden,” “I don’t care what I look like,” “When my husband says rude words, I become wooden, dead, lifeless, cold.”

The wife of an alcoholic lives in conditions of extreme unbearable suffering. To survive it is necessary to numb suffering. Refusal of feelings is their anesthesia, freezing.”

Not feeling is dangerous

There is no point in giving up your feelings. It's bad for your health. This is a process of self-destruction. If we kill feelings, we kill the soul.

Suppressed feelings block our energy. With constantly suppressed feelings, we cannot do the good that we are capable of. And that means we stop in our spiritual growth. This is the process of self-destruction. How to live with an alcoholic husband?

Watch the video (only 15 minutes)

Refusal of real feelings has the goal of surviving in difficult circumstances.

Wives of alcoholics have increased tolerance for emotional pain. But, up to a certain limit.

In the emotional palette of codependents, along with fear, there are other negative emotions: anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, prolonged despair, indignation, rage.

The wife of an alcoholic is not the focus of her suffering or consciousness. Her focus is on her sick husband, who is addicted to alcohol. Codependent wives sometimes even think that they have no right to their own feelings; they are ready to renounce their sensory experience. “How can I enjoy my health when my husband is so sick?”

Protection from suffering

Codependent wives of alcoholics use all forms of psychological defense against suffering: repression, rationalization, minimization, but most of all, denial. How to live with an alcoholic husband? They tend to ignore problems or pretend that nothing is happening.

They seem to convince themselves that tomorrow everything will be better. Sometimes codependents are constantly busy with something so as not to think about the main problem.

Blocking feelings and denial, although they help to survive pain, lead to self-destruction.

The body reacts to the rejection of various feelings by weakening its general physical condition. And then the gates open for many diseases, including serious ones.

Fear, anxiety

Our anxieties are the desire to punish ourselves, not to give ourselves forgiveness, dislike for ourselves, distrust of ourselves. Fear and anxiety are important feelings for wives of alcoholics.

Fear and anxiety can bring our lives to such a state that we do not pay attention to our current life, do not care about it, and ultimately, we stop taking care of ourselves. Fear may underlie controlling behavior. If someone is afraid for a long time, he gets used to fear and thinks that it is normal. The consequences can be long and tragic.

Anxiety and fear are the opposite of love. It is in this state that we need to give a shock dose of love and give ourselves the best gift - peace of mind.

Stop worrying about others. It's time to start taking care of yourself.

Shame, guilt

Guilt and shame are often present in the mental state of codependent wives of alcoholics. They are ashamed of both their own behavior and the behavior of their alcoholic husband. An alcoholic husband is a great master of inflicting guilt on loved ones. And the wives swallow the hook of guilt. There is no end to the accusations.

Shame and guilt are powerful negative feelings, and they can serve as a calling card in the family of an alcoholic.

By imposing these feelings, someone in the family is trying to keep the other under control and manipulate him.

Remember, you are not to blame for anything. And you have nothing to be ashamed of

Tell yourself, inspire: “This is not my fault” several times a day and in two weeks your condition will improve

Anger

Anger is a strong feeling. It tends to spread to those who did not cause it.

Codependent wives of alcoholics subject their anger to repression, repression, and suppression. How to live with an alcoholic husband? Because of suppressed anger, codependents can cry for a long time, overeat, get sick for a long time, show hostility, and there are outbreaks of violence.

Watch the video (total 14 minutes)

It is very important to accept your anger, let yourself feel it, without blaming yourself. Then he begins to protect us and help us.

We have the right to any feelings, including anger.

If it has become dominant in our lives, this is a signal, it’s time to look around. If your attention is too concentrated on someone, then you yourself have fallen out of sight. There is nothing worse than losing yourself.

Lingering despair

Wives of alcoholics experience lingering despair. “What’s the point of doing anything when everything is in vain. My husband still drinks, only worse. I reached complete moral and physical exhaustion. I'm tired. I can't do anything anymore. I lost interest in everything. Even getting out of bed and getting dressed is difficult. I don't want to live." How to live with an alcoholic husband?

Dangerous moment. At this point, a woman may resort to alcohol or pills and become dependent on them.

Reluctance to live is also anger, only directed inward, against oneself. Despair comes when hope leaves us.

Despair is a mask of self-pity. This is a dead end path. The psychology of the victim develops.

It is not for nothing that psychotherapeutic intervention begins with identifying and changing feelings. When we receive confirmation that our feelings are important, that they are worth something and are appropriate in a given situation, then greater clarity of thinking comes.

Intrusive thoughts

Obsessive thoughts about the use of alcohol by an alcoholic husband, about the consequences of use, prevent wives from clearly understanding the reality itself, the problem itself. These thoughts block awareness of yourself and others.

Intrusive thoughts have a purpose. They give us the illusion of control over the situation, as if we are still in control of our lives.

The wife of an alcoholic husband does not know where her life begins, where her husband’s life begins. Obsessive thoughts about her husband's alcoholism give her the feeling that she is doing something about this problem.

Negation

This is a very important characteristic of both addiction and codependency. Denial manifests itself in the fact that codependent wives of alcoholics do not see their problems. “I have no problems, my husband has problems, you are treating him, but I don’t need help.”

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Denial prevents you from understanding your codependency.

When our thinking is controlled by denial, then one part of our personality knows the truth, the other whispers a distortion, an understatement of the truth, clouding our consciousness. How to live with an alcoholic husband?

Denial makes us blind to our feelings, our own needs, and our personality as a whole.

The alternative to denial is awareness of your reality and acceptance of it.

Personal boundaries

In an alcoholic family, no one knows their boundaries. The wife perceives the problems of her alcoholic husband as her own. In fact, all life begins with an alcoholic and revolves around him.

Codependent wives either blame others for their thoughts, feelings, or behavior. Or codependents blame themselves for their husband’s behavior. This is the confusion of all boundaries.

For codependent wives, the boundaries are either blurred, unclear, and not perceived by them, or the boundaries are like thick impenetrable walls that make any communication impossible.

Restoring healthy boundaries and maintaining them is our responsibility. Each person determines his own boundaries.

Defeat of the spiritual sphere

Spirituality in relation to codependency is defined as the quality of the relationship with the person, with the object that is most significant in our life.

The most significant ones include relationships with yourself, with family, with society, with God.

Codependent wives of alcoholics have relationships with themselves, with family, with society, with God. are displaced by pathologically altered relationships with her alcoholic husband.

Among codependents there are many people who believe in God. Often they came to Faith during their husband’s illness with alcoholism and see support in God; prayer gives support and relief. But even their relationship with God is sometimes marred by outbursts of anger. An angry question arises: “Why am I suffering so much?

Thus, the manifestations of codependency in the wives of alcoholics are quite diverse. They concern all aspects of mental life, worldview, human behavior, belief system and values, and physical health.