The husband wants a divorce - what should be the line of conduct?

Anything can happen in family life: pleasant emotions, omissions, quarrels and reconciliations. Not every couple manages to achieve complete idyll in family relationships. And yet, when the husband suddenly announces his intention to divorce, the wife is perplexed; it seems to her that, despite minor problems, everything is fine in their family. Therefore, most often women do not know how to behave if their husband wants a divorce.

Why does the husband want a divorce?

It is important to know that men rarely decide to divorce. Even if the marriage is already on the verge of collapse, they will torment themselves and their wife with infidelity, drunkenness, and scandals. Sometimes they are held back by a sense of guilt towards their family, sometimes by laziness. Do you need to change something in life if things can’t get better? Therefore, if the husband wants a divorce, there is a very serious reason. According to psychologists, the male half decides to divorce for the following reasons:

Disappointment in a woman. Often, after a certain time, a man reproaches his wife for deceiving him, creating a false image of herself, idealizing herself. This is actually a false statement. It’s just that at the beginning of a relationship at the stage of falling in love, young people never notice each other’s shortcomings, but when living together they reveal them.
Woman's disobedience. Many men, having gotten married, forget that their wife is an independent person with her own worldview, who was created not only to take care of the house and give birth to children. Tired of fighting with his wife, the husband finds himself a more submissive woman, to whom he leaves.
The supremacy of women. If a wife is much more successful than a man in her career, is a source of income, and resolves all issues in the family, sooner or later the husband cannot stand such a humiliating position.
Cheating wife. Unlike women, who most often forgive male infidelity, men do not forget this.
Lack of mutual understanding. People stop finding a common language for various reasons: different religions, interests, differences in views on life, raising children, running a household.
Alcoholism. It’s not for nothing that they say that female alcoholism is incurable. Men do not have the same reserve of patience and pity that wives experience for their drinking husbands.

And the most banal reason is another woman. When starting an affair, men don’t think at all that it will end in divorce. Their mistresses begin to think about this. And they have many advantages: they are more beautiful, well-groomed, and not burdened with household chores and children. The mistress does not get tired, does not nag, does not ask your husband for anything. She gives him a little holiday, becoming his vest when he complains about his annoying wife, always demanding something.

How to get a divorce without the consent of the other party?

Article 22 of the RF IC addresses the issue of divorce without the consent of the second participant in the marriage relationship. If both people want to dissolve family ties (and they do not have common children or conflict over the division of property), it is worth going to the registry office. If the wife does not want a divorce, she will have to go to court.

A justice of the peace can help with this issue. But you need to go to him when there are no disputes regarding the issue of children’s residence, or if the joint property is valued at no more than 50,000 rubles.

If property with a higher final value was acquired during the marriage, or if the issue of the child’s residence has not been resolved, it is worth going to the district court. There are other cases when you can get a divorce without the consent of the other party. This is the fact of the wife’s incapacity and her unknown disappearance.

It should be understood that a man will not be officially divorced unilaterally when his wife is on maternity leave or there is a baby who is under one year old.

Advice from a psychologist: how to behave if your husband wants to get a divorce

Whatever the reason for this unpleasant statement, the main thing is to be able to remain calm and control yourself. When a wife throws a tantrum or breaks dishes, do you think that the husband’s feeling of love awakens at that moment? At this moment, he wants only one thing: to quickly escape from this house. That is why it is important to try to maintain composure; if you do not know the reason, calmly ask your spouse about it. There is no need to obstruct him, cry, scream, threaten. In this case, there are only three options to solve the problem:

take a militant position and thereby turn your husband against himself, which will subsequently affect relationships with children and relatives;
understand that divorce is inevitable, but you need to try to maintain an even, calm relationship with your husband for the sake of the children;
let go of your husband and try to change to get him back.

As you can see, the first option must be prevented. No matter how difficult, offensive and painful it may be. But negative emotions, anger, rage, of course, can be released. A gym or an evening with a friend and a bottle of wine can help with this. You need to cry, throw out all the pain. But under no circumstances should you discuss this situation with relatives, especially with parents. Perhaps you will make peace with your husband, but for your parents he will forever remain your offender.

How to survive a divorce painlessly

When it becomes clear that the husband demands a divorce seriously and finally, you need to make this process as painless and beneficial for all parties as possible. Talk to your husband about the material component, resolve all issues regarding providing for children and housing peacefully, as far as possible. If you don't want a divorce, it's important to know that dissolution will still happen. You can ask for a deferment, “lose” your passport, but this will only delay time and your moral suffering. Isn't it better to resolve the issue once and start life from scratch?

And, by the way, you don’t need to hope that your beloved will behave quietly and modestly, torturing himself with remorse, that he will leave all the property to his ex-wife and children, leaving home in his underpants. Be prepared that your spouse will fight, proving that he did everything to save the family. Alas, history knows many cases when men left both their wives and their own children with literally nothing. And no matter how much you convince yourself, I don’t want a divorce, the situation must be accepted with dignity.

Life after divorce

And now the marriage is dissolved, it seems that all ties with your ex-husband are severed, and you will never see each other. But that's not true. Years of marriage, even the most unsuccessful one, leave behind a lot in common: children, friends, acquaintances, colleagues with whom you both will have to communicate. Therefore, you need to learn to live without your ex-husband, but maintaining a relationship with him. When asked what to do and how to live after a divorce, which seems difficult, you need to adhere to the following recommendations:

Truce. It is clear that it will not be possible to be friends with families (although some men manage to make friends with their former and current wives), but it is necessary to establish an even, constructive relationship. In any case, you will have to resolve issues in raising common children.
Understanding the situation. You need to come to terms with the fact that your husband has left, and your life is divided into “before” and “after”. We must admit that now you exist independently of each other and you need to arrange your personal life. And you need to start right away, today. Sign up for a fitness club, yoga, have a weekend out of town, go visit a friend in another city. The less free time you have, the less thoughts about your ex-husband will visit you.
Relationships with children. Remember that the child should see a happy mother, and not a woman in tears. Showing up with your ex-husband should not deprive children of their little joys. And there is no need to deprive the father of communication with his children. He divorced you, not the children. Yes, circumstances have changed, the husband now lives in another house, but he still remains the legal father of the children.
Don't throw yourself into the pool. There is no need to look for a new relationship. Although they say that we knock out a wedge with a wedge, but this is a different case. It is better to devote the free time you have to children. But there is no need to delay it - over time, grown children can interfere with the improvement of their personal life.

Why do couples get divorced?

Marriage is a fragile mechanism that breaks easily and quickly. The duration of your relationship depends on many factors: where you both work and how often you look at representatives of the opposite sex, when you met and whether you are planning to arrange a nursery. Let's consider those cases when the system most often fails.

Early marriage

A beautiful bride, a sea of champagne, a noisy company of guests and a gorgeous selfie in front of a custom-made cake... Admit it, this was all I thought about when I submitted my application to the registry office. Did you dream of a carefree life with a spectacular blonde, but in fact every morning begins with a scandal over unwashed dishes? Why did everything go wrong? Early marriage is destroyed by:

Unwillingness to take responsibility for the family. I haven't had enough time! I'm drawn to nightclubs with terrible force. I don't want to go back home. There are so many problems and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Leaking taps, huge debts, a child who always has a cold. There is neither the strength nor the desire to spin like a squirrel in a wheel. How can you decide to divorce your wife if you can’t name a valid reason?

See also:
How can I obtain a certificate of dissolution of marriage (divorce)?

Your dull gaze and complaints about being mortally tired will not make her happy. By letting a young woman go free right now, you will increase the chances of your other half meeting someone who can truly become her support.

Incompatibility of views. Mom warned you that connecting your life with a person “outside our circle” is very risky. It was a shame she didn’t listen to her parent. I couldn't resist the gorgeous biceps and velvety voice. I got married immediately after defending my diploma. And I regretted it. A graduate of a technical school and a student of a prestigious university are really not a couple. You can’t show a guy who swears and hangs out in computer clubs from morning to night to his friends. Nothing to brag about. You yourself long ago guessed that he was “unpromising.” Don't prolong the agony of your marriage. As soon as the family kitchen runs out of common topics for conversation, this is an alarm bell. You are too different to make plans for a future together.

Tendency towards careerism

Planning meetings, business trips, working weekends - there is no other way to move up the career ladder. Parents and friends understand that you call no more than once a week and rarely invite you to visit. Everyone is ready to support you in your desire to take a top manager position in a successful company. A promising position is needed like air, because you feel in demand only by doing what you love. Besides, raising a family is not a cheap pleasure. Alas, all these are not arguments for the other half. Feelings take precedence over reason:

Loneliness. Who would like to reheat a cold dinner several times and wait for hours at the window for a familiar car to appear?
Wounded vanity. What kind of equality in the family can we talk about when one of you is pursuing a brilliant career for his own pleasure, and for the other, going to a boring office is just a way to while away the next eight hours of a meaningless existence.
Household fatigue. The burden of household chores turns out to be an unbearable burden for those who have to iron, wash, and cook alone.

The choice between family and work is especially acute for representatives of creative professions or specialists who have achieved a high level of excellence in their field. Many famous scientists are happily “married to science” and have no regrets. Feel free to follow their example if you get real satisfaction from what has become a vocation, and your family does not share this work enthusiasm.

Reluctance to have children

The presence of joint heirs “cements” the marriage. However, in rare cases, a man and woman do not want to have children. For different reasons:

For him, the appearance of children in the family is associated with a break in the usual, measured way of life. Will someone really take the crown off his head and completely capture the attention of his wife-mother?
For her, motherhood is perceived as a direct threat to her model appearance. It’s also a pity that you have to spend time at the stove and on the playground instead of treating yourself to a beauty salon.

Treason

A partner's infidelity often triggers one of those conditions in which living under the same roof as a traitor is seen as a worst-case scenario:

“It’s a shame to the point of tears.” She sacrificed everything for her family. Study, career. She gave birth to children. She ran the household. And here it is, black ingratitude. Doesn't love, doesn't appreciate.
“It’s a shame to look people in the eyes.” Of course, the cheating wife could not hide her vicious relationship from the prying eyes of mutual friends. There will always be well-wishers ready to share eloquent photos from the scene on social networks. Not everyone will agree to the role of a cuckold and an object of ridicule for fellow acquaintances.
“He’ll dance with me!” It’s easy and pleasant to give armfuls of roses to your lover. While the wife works hard for two. Let's get a divorce, divide everything fairly and see how long the unearthly love in a hut with a capricious fairy will last.

It’s worth thinking about whether it’s time to divorce your husband (wife), when such thoughts haunt you day and night.

Alcohol and drug addiction

Drinks like a cobbler, takes drugs and spends most of the family budget on cube bars? How do you know when it’s time to pack your things and when you need to divorce your husband? If attempts to reason with a fallen comrade are unsuccessful, then there is no other way out except parting. If you are not ready to “break yourself” for the sake of your loved ones and try to give up bad habits, this means that you are not able to be the head of the family. It makes no sense to go down together. May at least one of you be saved.

Violence in family

Following the advice of practical psychologists, the question of whether or not to divorce your husband (wife) must be decided for yourself after several bruises received from your partner. Invite him to undergo couples therapy sessions. Don't expect to rehabilitate an aggressor at home. Refuses psychological help because, in his opinion, everything is “perfectly fine” with you? If solving everyday problems with the help of assault is the norm for someone, then it will not be possible to build a harmonious relationship with such a person. A few lines of divorce decree will help you get out of everyday hell. An easy and quick solution to the problem.

Material difficulties

Paradise in a hut or in your own cottage on the seashore? It's up to you to decide, of course. But remember that you are responsible to yourself for the choices you make. Vegetating on a meager salary for a spouse who has not mastered anything other than a broom is fraught with deep disappointment in life. Loans and debts make it difficult to look into the future with optimism. In marriage, material wealth matters! Don't trust anyone who promises the eternal romance of night roads under hitchhiking conditions. When the hormonal explosion of passion is a thing of the past, it will be possible to maintain warm feelings for each other only in the comfort of your own cozy family nest, and not wandering around rented apartments.

Disappearance of sexual attraction to a partner

How do you understand that you need to divorce your husband or the time has come to separate from your wife? Remember how you fall asleep at night: cuddling or moving away from each other at a safe distance? The latter option will inevitably lead to a breakdown in the relationship in the following cases:

The marital bed is disgusted. Unpleasant, painful, uninteresting - with such a diagnosis, physical disgust for your spouse quickly develops into a strong desire to never see him again.
There is an alternative. Young, mischievous, agrees to everything. Why deny yourself affordable pleasure on long business trips to a neighboring city? If things have gone this far, then living in two families is not only expensive, but also cruel to both women. Don’t know how to make the final decision about divorce and tell your wife that you don’t love her anymore? By hiding the truth, you escalate the already tense atmosphere to the limit. Believe me, your coldness speaks louder than words. The spouse guesses a lot, and the uncertainty in the relationship is an additional source of stress for her.

Typical mistakes of divorced women

Unfortunately, most ex-wives have vain hopes that their husband will definitely return. He will never return to where he fled from. To return it, you need to do a tremendous amount of work on yourself: from appearance to inner world. You need to become a beautiful, sexy, desirable, confident, slightly frivolous and sweet woman again. Only a truly wise woman can realize the need for such changes. By the way, after going through a divorce and becoming a new woman, having changed, the woman begins to treat herself differently and value herself. And, if the faithful wants to return, she may not accept him back.

What you definitely shouldn’t do during a divorce and after is:

declare war on your ex-husband;
be obsessive, call him for every little thing;
limit communication with children;
follow his life, ask mutual friends about him;
speak badly of him, insult him and his relatives;
become depressed;
seek solace in other men and alcohol.

Thus, we can conclude that if the husband wants a divorce, then there is a good reason for this. Having understood it, you need to outline a plan for further action, which consists of maintaining calm and composure. All problems must be resolved peacefully. Scandals will only exhaust you mentally, but will not deliver the desired results. And for sure, family life with your ex-husband left many pleasant memories that are best preserved.

What to do if there is a child in the family - advice from a psychologist

The divorce situation can become more complicated if there are children in the family. It is important for a woman to understand that when her husband leaves, this does not mean that the child’s father also disappears. A man retains the right not only to continue raising his children, but also to see them and spend time. Some ladies prefer to involve their child in a showdown with a man, making them a tool of manipulation. This is completely wrong. Children should not be involved in conflicts between parents.

You should consider the recommendations of psychologists regarding situations when a husband decides to file for divorce:

Divorce is a difficult process, especially from an emotional point of view. To cope with negative thoughts and reduce the likelihood of developing depression, you should focus on yourself and your hobbies. A woman should concentrate on her appearance, hobbies, and career. Passion will not allow you to constantly think about bad things.
You should avoid scandals and public scenes, even if anger and resentment cloud your mind. An even more serious mistake is to involve children or relatives in relationships. Divorce concerns only the spouses, and there is no need to add third parties there.
There is life after divorce. Therefore, even if a man firmly intends to leave, you should not firmly and for a long time take root in the role of the victim, constantly feel sorry for yourself and plunge into depression.
Opinions from friends and family are for informational purposes only. You can listen to them, but you don’t need to follow them unquestioningly. Both partners are responsible for the relationship, and two are also to blame for its end. Therefore, it is necessary to understand within the family, and not listen to the advice of strangers, following their lead.
You can’t start scandals with your husband in front of your children. They should not see their parents' quarrels and arguments. Moreover, in the presence of a child, one should not blame a man for the breakup, insult him, etc.
You should not provoke the child to develop feelings of guilt and resentment. Experiencing difficult emotions for a long time, some women push their children away and stop paying attention to them. As a result, the children feel abandoned and blame themselves for the unstable, depressed state of their mother.
You cannot separate father and children. There is no need to forbid the husband to see the child, or manipulate his relationship with the child in order to take revenge or get what he wants.
You should not quickly start a new relationship in order to take revenge on your ex-husband. This is a lot of stress for the child, he will experience shock and his emotional state will be disturbed.