Psychology of relationships between a married man and a free lover

You won't surprise anyone with cheating anymore. Some even believe that all men and women cheat, and there are no more honest ones left. This is not true, but there is still a grain of truth in it. Infidelity has become commonplace. The most common connection is between a married man and a single woman: the psychology of the relationship of such a couple is extremely simple. They depend on each other, they need just such a painful romance. Although they don’t want to admit it to themselves.

Why does a married man need a relationship with a free woman?

Things don't always go smoothly in marriage. And then the unhappy husband begins to look to the side. Look for a partner with whom you can have a good time. A small part of cheaters choose a married woman; most of the time the choice falls on a bachelor. After all, there are fewer problems with it, it is easier to adjust the meeting schedule and there are no such risks of exposure.

But in general, the reasons for starting an affair are similar for all unfaithful men:

1. Lack of attention . It especially affects those representatives of the stronger sex who, before getting married, were in demand among ladies and felt wanted and in demand. And if at first such a man received due attention from his wife, then over time the wife no longer looks at her chosen one with loving eyes and does not sigh languidly. Wanting to get old emotions, the husband is looking for a relationship on the side.
2. Lack of respect in marriage . If both spouses do not respect each other, allow themselves mutual offensive insults and even assault, then such a union will not last long. The only restraining factor can be children, and not always, because rarely do couples agree to live with each other like cats and dogs until the end of their days.
3. Lack of quality intimacy . But this is the very nuance because of which a husband forgives his wife a lot - poor cooking, uncleanliness, and bad character. If in bed a woman is able to turn her husband’s head, he will forget about all her shortcomings. But ladies who do not consider it necessary to please their man risk becoming part of a “love triangle.”
4. Self-affirmation . A man can get someone on his side out of flattery. It’s as if a person wants to prove to the whole world that he is in demand and that someone might still like him.
5. Age crisis . This is especially true for men and women over 35 years of age. A person begins to rethink his life and sometimes realizes that he once took a wrong turn in the past. Some people conclude that they should have gotten a different education, some are dissatisfied with their chosen place of work, and some are reconsidering their views on the partner they once married.
6. Revenge. If a wife cheated on her husband in the past, he can repay her in kind and start dating a young unmarried girl. The man in this case is driven more by a desire to annoy his wife than by sympathy for his mistress. Often a person does not feel any feelings at all for his passion.
7. The nature of a "womanizer" . Having fallen head over heels in love with a dazzling handsome man and married him, women do not think about the fact that, most likely, they will shed bitter tears all their lives from resentment and a sense of injustice. Men who are accustomed to denying themselves nothing and changing women like gloves are unlikely to reconsider their views on life after marriage.
8. Sincere feelings. Sometimes life develops in such a way that people can get married and live side by side for many years without feeling love and affection for each other. For example, a fleeting relationship in youth brings consequences in the form of a child, and a guy, like a true gentleman, takes a girl as his wife so as not to leave his child “fatherless.” At the same time, a young man may not experience deep feelings in the mother of his child, and this, years later, bears fruit in the form of love for another woman.

By and large, a mistress is simply a solution to domestic problems and a way to assert oneself. It is extremely rare that a connection is based on real feelings and strong love.

Signs of a mistress appearing in a man’s life

The psychology of relationships between a married man and a woman has clear examples of what signs can be used to determine whether a husband is cheating. His behavior changes a lot:

• Restraint appears in relations with the spouse.
• The lover is trying to minimize communication with the object of sympathy and this already raises suspicions.
• He begins to stay late, does not spend the night at home, and sudden business trips often occur.
• Initially, a man cannot directly propose a date, so he organizes friendly parties or tries to appear where the lady of his heart is.
• The lover begins to show concern for the woman, tries to help, and offers his help. Maybe invite you for a cup of coffee.
• If a man is truly curious about another woman, not only as a sexual object, he will be interested in her personal life, children, hobbies, desires, etc.

Minor signs can give away feelings - attempts to touch the desired object, not letting the lady out of sight, a frequently appearing smile (especially when talking about the object of passion).

Why does a single woman need a relationship with a married man?

There are many reasons why girls decide to start a relationship not with a bachelor, but with a busy man:

1. Low self-esteem . Women who are not confident in themselves believe that they do not deserve full happiness. Therefore, for the sake of tiny doses of love and at least some attention, they are ready to endure a supporting role. After all, they are convinced that they are incapable of more.
2. Pity for the man . Being gentle and sensitive creatures, women become attached to men who make them feel pity. For example, a man may complain about his tyrant wife, who constantly humiliates him and is always dissatisfied with him. In this case, a free lover will want to surround the poor fellow with affection and love in order to alleviate his suffering.
3. Money . Most successful and rich men are not free, but this does not stop the hunters of wealth. The thirst for expensive gifts and good material security is much stronger than the desire to start a family with an ordinary young man who is not burdened with marital responsibilities. By the way, rich men themselves are not averse to buying the “love” of young beauties for the sake of a pleasant pastime. Among especially wealthy men, it is even prestigious to have young mistresses. Sometimes they are introduced only to maintain their status in the company of like-minded people and not to be a “black sheep.”
4. Unpreparedness for marriage . If a woman gets involved with a bachelor who is aiming for marriage, then sooner or later the man will ask her to marry, which the young lady does not want. Therefore, it is easier for a girl to receive love, attention and intimacy from a man who is already married and will not put the responsibility for a serious relationship on the fragile shoulders of his mistress. In addition, having become a wife, a girl will not be able to devote much time to herself, because she needs to cook dinner, wash clothes, iron shirts, and clean up the house. Some women literally shudder at the thought of marriage, because it will turn them into a servant in their own home.
5. Love . Having listed the frequently encountered motives for a relationship with a “married man,” one cannot also mention the bright and pure love that a woman can easily develop for someone else’s husband. Of course, rare and passionate meetings, secret relationships and the sweet taste of the forbidden fruit fuel this vicious relationship. But a truly loving girl really dreams more than anything else of being in the place of her chosen one’s wife. This is the case when a relationship with a busy man brings pain and suffering to a woman, making her an unhappy supporting character.

Each of the love unions may have their own reason for creating and maintaining this relationship. And how this connection is built, and what is the psychology of the relationship between two lovers, read on.

Psychology of relationships between a married man and a single girl

This relationship cannot be called healthy. A man tries, with the help of his mistress, to make up for something that is missing in the marriage. And a lonely girl agrees to rare meetings because of her psychological traumas.

It is an extremely rare case when a confident woman consciously remains on the sidelines. In this case, it is convenient for her - physical intimacy and nothing more. Usually these are career women who simply do not have time for a full-fledged romance.

But if a mistress has feelings and hopes for a family, then she has fallen into a trap. Some personal problems prevent her from building a relationship with a free man, and she is content with second roles. Obediently turns a blind eye to the obvious lies of his partner.

Most often we are talking about dependent relationships. When you cannot get rid of feelings on your own, it is better to seek psychological help. It will be good for you.

Relations in the triangle are very tense.

Over time, the relationship within a love triangle ceases to be convenient for one of its participants. Most often for a man. The fact is that only a small percentage of mistresses are satisfied with their position, since almost any lady dreams of female happiness and a home with her beloved man. The only question is when the mistress will get tired of enduring and declare her rights to the chosen one. It’s only a matter of time, because a woman can express a desire to be the first lady either a month after the relationship or several years later.

You need to understand and accept the fact that in 90% of cases, men do not leave their wives, perfectly comfortable on two chairs at the same time. Even when spouses find out about their husbands’ infidelities, they do everything to keep their wife. They even break up with lovers with whom they had a relationship for a long time.

All women understand that a relationship with a married man is a dead end and a waste of precious time. But, as you know, you cannot command the heart, and therefore the beautiful half of humanity will endure inconvenience and humiliation for the opportunity to at least occasionally be with their beloved.

Psychologists say: if a man has not talked to his wife for 1.5-2 years and has not even made an attempt to break up with her, then he will never do this.

The relationship between a married lover and an unmarried lover can hardly be called healthy, so the sooner you break it off, the better it will be for you.

Options for developing relationships

A connection that arose from fleeting flirtation and mutual sympathy can develop in three directions:

1. A short but passionate romance. Such relationships are preferred by people who are experiencing conflict in their marriage, but do not seek divorce; they only need to “let off steam.”
2. Long-term relationships with rare but vibrant meetings. Typically, such adultery is decided by middle-aged people who want to bring new meaning to life.
3. A romance that turns into a serious and full-fledged relationship. This step is usually taken by young spouses under 35 years of age who have not had time to have children, loans, real estate, etc., but have already become disillusioned with their wife or husband and have lost interest in them.

Regardless of which scenario is closer to you, do not be fooled by illusions or serious plans for your busy chosen one.

When they leave the family

When a married man falls in love with another woman, he can leave the family if there are the most compelling reasons for this. Most often, those representatives of the stronger sex who have already reached forty years leave their families. It is believed that turning forty for a man is a milestone in which he experiences a crisis and sums up the half of his life that he has already lived. It happens that a man is not satisfied with life at all, and then he decides to change everything around him.

When a man decides to change his life, he changes not only his job and appearance, but also his friends and family. They often say about such representatives of the stronger sex: “gray hair in the beard, a devil in the rib.” Men are owners, and when they fall in love, they will certainly want to tell the whole world that this woman belongs to them. But for this they must be free. Therefore, if a married man falls in love with another woman, he will break off relations with his wife.

How to behave in a relationship with a married man

The first thing you must do is admit to yourself the meaninglessness of this union. Convince yourself that the man has brought you more suffering than joy. Even if this is not so, then only for now - everything is still ahead.

Next, you should talk to your lover and find out what he expects from a relationship with you, what plans does he have for the future, including for you? If a person continues to feed you breakfast and convince him that everything will be fine soon, don’t give in. Men who have the gift of persuasion can fool their mistresses for many years, and then, at the right moment, abandon the woman like waste material.

If even the thought of breaking up throws you into a cold sweat, then learn to behave correctly with your lover so that he not only does not change his attitude towards you, but also seriously thinks about connecting his life with you.

Here's how you can do it:

1. Don't nag him. For these purposes he has a wife. Most often, husbands look for a quiet haven in the arms of another woman to take a break from the constant claims of a grumpy wife. If you start dripping on his brain, you may soon find yourself abandoned.
2. Don't discuss his wife. Even if he himself complains to you about his missus, says how she got him and that there is no way to live from her, under no circumstances start throwing mud at your wife. This can be regarded as an attempt to rise above the spouse, to demonstrate one’s superiority. In addition, husbands can scold their wives just for the sake of a nice word, but in reality they are very attached to their women. There is no question of divorcing your wife. And men need mistresses to bring some bright colors into gray everyday life.
3. Become his support. A man should see that he can always come to you and get the support he needs. He should feel calm and comfortable in your company, and let him perceive any opportunity to see you as a blessing from fate. Show him that he is always welcome in your home, that you are ready to listen to him and give him practical advice, to encourage him in difficult times.
4. Don't talk about your relationship with a married man. Think about it, why should you tell your friends, acquaintances and relatives that you have entered into a vicious relationship? Remember that the situation may turn against you, rumors will spread about your frivolity and there is a high probability that the wife of your chosen one will find out about everything. Do not expect that after this the boyfriend will become completely yours. Most likely, your relationship will come to an end, and the man will initiate this.
5. Don't introduce your loved one to friends and family. This takes place when a man is free and has nothing to hide. But as soon as you introduce a person to your friends and even parents, the man understands that they want to pin another serious relationship on him, which he actually already has with his legal wife. Don't put your lover in an awkward position.

At the same time, being in a forbidden relationship, do not forget about your beloved:

1. Get ready for a new relationship. Even if you have feelings for a man, you must understand deep down that he is unlikely to ever leave his family for you. Therefore, you need to take care of your life and always be open to meeting new people. Who knows, maybe you will meet a man who will not only be free, but he will also be able to make you the happiest woman in the world. And being in a relationship that is already doomed to failure, you voluntarily deprive yourself of female happiness.
2. Think about what you will do when your loved one leaves you. No matter how bitter it may sound, someday you will have to break up (unless, of course, the man is one of those 10% of cheaters who are ready to leave their family for their mistress). And in order not to drown in the swamp of disappointment, you should think over an action plan for yourself. Maybe you wanted to move to another city or even country? Change your job or do something you've been dreaming about for a long time? If a turning point comes in your personal life, you must distract yourself from bad thoughts and start with a clean slate.
3. Constantly improve. Do not breathe a man and do not perceive him as light in a window. Be a self-sufficient and interesting person, maintain an attractive appearance, read, study, attend social events. Such women do not remain alone for long.

How should a woman behave?

When a woman suddenly clearly says in her subconscious: “A married man has fallen in love with me,” then a problem immediately arises with how she should behave. The object of affection has nothing particularly to rejoice at, because most often such love only brings suffering and problems.

Based on statistical data, as well as the life experience of many women who have been in a similar situation, we can affirmatively say that men rarely leave the family. Having satisfied their sexual needs, they return back, where life has already been established, and therefore it is so comfortable, stable, cozy and warm.

But if, after all, nothing has held the marriage for a long time, if a married man has fallen in love and is tormented, then he can actually go to his new beloved forever. If she is not married.

How to break up with a married lover

You may be overcome by an uncontrollable fear of the future and the unknown. You don’t know how to be without this person and how to live, realizing that you will never be able to touch your loved one again, drown in his arms.

It's better to go through this now than to suffer for the rest of your life.

Only by gathering all your will into a fist can you decide to make drastic changes. Rest assured, although your life will seem meaningless after the breakup, over time you will thank yourself for this step.

So, if you seriously decide to break up with a married man, do it in 3 stages.

Stage 1 – comprehension

If you realize that your relationship with your married man cannot continue, but you are putting off making a decision, think about what will happen to you in 5 years. Your lover has everything covered: he has a wife, kids, a stable job, a hobby, a house, a car. What will happen to you after 5 years? Gone years without family and any confidence in the future.

It may be painful for you to even think about breaking up with a person, but imagine how easy you will feel in a year. By wounding yourself in the very heart, you, without knowing it, are freed from the shackles in which you chained yourself.

When you realize that this relationship cannot continue further, you need to convey your thoughts to your partner, and here the next stage begins.

Stage 2 – conversation

Bring the person out to talk, be honest and persistent. Ask a man how he perceives you and this relationship? What thoughts does he have about a future with you?

Does he think that he is being selfish by wasting your time? Your goal is not to listen to promises that “I’ll solve the problems with the business, then I’ll talk to my wife” or “I can’t get a divorce now, our loan hasn’t been paid off, but wait another six months and we’ll definitely be together.”

All these are notorious excuses that husbands have been feeding their mistresses for many years. Express your desire to start a new life, either with or without your lover. If he is not ready for this, then feel free to confront him with the fact that you are breaking up.

Stage 3 – shifting focus from relationships to your life

If it’s hard for you to give up contact with your loved one in one second, you don’t need to break yourself. Continue communicating with the man, but make sure that every day you become more and more unaccustomed to him.

For example, do not initiate a date, let your meetings become less frequent. Don’t rush to cancel your plans when a man asks you to meet somewhere after work, refuse. Instead of spending the evening texting with your lover, go to the theater with your friend, sign up for a foreign language or dance course.

Gradually fill your life with new people, new hobbies. And over time, you will understand that the person for whom you were so “dry” just recently occupied an undeservedly large space in your head and heart.

Scary changes4

A man, as a rule, is satisfied with everything, he does not want to break off the relationship and understands that today is a holiday with his mistress, and tomorrow life will begin with her and a new swamp will form. The wife will not be so bad, and there is a reason to go to her. To the question: how do their married halves treat mistresses, there is no clear answer.

This is a form of love, affection, friendship, and at another moment a mistress is an eternal escape route from family and problems. Quiet corner, hotel and sex with set lunch. Everything is going great for him until his wife finds out about the presence of a rival or until his mistress begins to create problems with questions about the relationship, children together and his choice. Good sex, the absence of stupid questions and a clear confidence that she is not going anywhere, she feels good next to him, adds to his self-confidence.

Married women are most ideally suited for the role of a permanent mistress. There is a common goal for the partners, there are no feelings, only occasionally the passion and piquancy of the relationship fuels interest in love games. At the same time, there is a risk and chance that the husband will break all the bones in the body, and at the same time, there is no questions about a joint future and common children.

This is absurd and stupid, two lives are parallel and will never intersect, provided that this is not the husband of a friend or relative. A smart mistress does not pose the question bluntly, but plays along with her partner, attracting him and driving him crazy with her dissimilarity to his legal wife. You won't be able to do this all the time. Hiding her real intentions and secretly dreaming that she will leave her wife for years is a pointless waste of time and youth.