Psychology of relationships between parents and children

Too close interpersonal relationships between parents and children

In a situation where a child turns out to be too close to his parents, adults simply do not have the opportunity and space for personal, adult contacts separated from the child.
In such interpersonal relationships, the entire world of the parents belongs entirely to the child, and he can use it at his own discretion. In psychology, this phenomenon is figuratively called the open bedroom phenomenon. In such circumstances, there are no boundaries between the adult and child subsystems of the family. Children sleep with their parents, take part in all arguments and conversations between parents, intervene in conflicts (in the position of provocateurs or peacemakers), and do not go to bed during “children’s time.” Parents are actually deprived of personal space and time where they could exist without children. Sometimes too close relationships between parents and children are served by the hidden conflict of adults in the family. While the child is nearby, adults simply do not discuss a number of issues:

they do not swear in front of the child, do not raise intimate issues - and thus a fragile balance is maintained, which can be a cover for a serious interpersonal conflict between parents.

A child in such a situation is in a difficult position, he is secretly entrusted with responsibility for the parents’ relationship, they unconsciously involve him in solving their own problems. The position of the parents is also unfavorable, since they cannot have a relationship as partners, as a couple. Often this ultimately leads to unfulfilled personal expectations from marriage or union with a partner.

So, how do you build a relationship?

Let's first put aside all thoughts about marriage. There is no need to idealize marriage, that after the wedding everything will be like in a fairy tale. Will not be? If…

1 Rule

Let go of all expectations from marriage and life together. Just let go and don't expect anything. The higher the expectation picture, the more upset you will end up and the more mired in negative feelings you will become. And then there will be accusations to the “other half” that he/she is not ideal, that I spent all my best years on him, and he so-and-so ruined everything.

Communication and interaction in the family

Life in a family is impossible without communication within it, communication between husband and wife, between parents and children in the process of everyday relationships. Communication in a family is the attitude of family members to each other and their interaction, the exchange of information between them, their spiritual contact. The range of communication in a family can be very diverse. In addition to conversations about work, household, health, the lives of friends and acquaintances, it includes discussions of issues related to raising children, art, politics, and so on.

The degree of satisfaction of spouses with their family life depends on interaction in the family. The process of communication and interaction depends on the degree of compatibility of their views and values. There is no doubt that nervousness, instability, isolation and other negative character traits are bad companions for family interaction.

Sociological studies show that with normal relationships in the family, spouses usually always share their grief with each other and receive moral and psychological support, which cannot be said about dysfunctional families.

However, there is no ideal communication in a family, i.e. communication consisting only of agreement. Marital relationships inevitably go through contradictions: quarrels, conflicts, and so on.

In these cases, it is very important for spouses to understand each other’s position and put themselves in each other’s shoes.

In family communication, moral principles are very important, the main one of which is respect for the other, his “I”. In many families, after a hard day at work, spouses try to take out their bad mood and accumulated fatigue on family members. They begin to grumble, reproach, make comments, and shout. As a result of such a discharge, a person may receive temporary relief, although the consequences may be severe. Some begin to be tormented by remorse for their own wrongness and intemperance, others - resentment for unfair accusations and reproaches. As a result, all this contributes to the destruction of the family.

The lack of adequate interaction and communication often leads to the fact that the relationship between husband and wife may not work out, which leads to negative consequences. Psychologists have found that there is a connection between marital conflicts and neuropsychiatric disorders. Lack of mutual understanding in the family leads to depression, alienation, deterioration of psychological and physical condition, and a significant decrease in a person’s performance.

Let's consider the main components of communication culture. These include empathy, tolerance, compliance, benevolence

. A special ability to communicate is the ability to recognize the value of another, even when positions differ. Only in this way can harmony be achieved in family life.

In a family, in addition to adults, children also need full communication. Communication is one of the main factors in the formation of a child’s personality. The need for communication appears in a baby from birth. Already at the age of 2 months, when he sees his mother, his face lights up with a smile.

Communication between parents and children is of great importance for their full development. It has been proven that children deprived of the opportunity to communicate with their parents are characterized by a low level of self-regulation of behavior, have increased sensitivity to an adult’s address to them, and experience difficulties in communicating with peers.

In many families, the majority of children communicate more often with their mother than with their father. Conversations with the father are short-term. Some children do not have a trusting relationship with either their father or their mother. Most often this happens in families where close spiritual contacts have not been established as between spouses. The nature of their relationship is often transferred to children. In such families, the main thing is the will of one of the spouses, and relationships with other family members are based on orders, submission, and insults. This has a negative impact on the development of children's ability to communicate fully.

Thus, parents bear the responsibility for instilling in their children the ability for human communication, because It is in the family that children learn the nature of communication. In addition, the moral and psychological well-being of all family members largely depends on the spouses’ ability to communicate.

Types of parental relationships, styles of family education and their impact on the child’s personality

Ekaterina Sapezhinskaya

Types of parental relationships, styles of family education and their impact on the child’s personality

Family relationships are a complex socio-psychological phenomenon, including mythological and modern levels of consciousness, individual and collective, ontogenetic and phylogenetic foundations. Family relationships cover the individual’s subjective time, personal life , national culture and traditions

The style of family education as the most characteristic ways of parent-child relationships , using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal address and interaction.

The type of parental attitude , as an integrative characteristic of parental value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child , and the level of parental competence, is a significant factor in the formation of the self-concept in childhood, determines the cognitive development of the child , his position in relation to the world . The classification of types of family upbringing should be based on such parameters as emotional acceptance of the child by parents , interest in the child and care for him , exactingness towards the child , democracy or authoritarianism in family relationships .

A. Ya. Varga and V. V. Stolin identify four types of parental relationships :

1. Accepting - authoritarian - subjective well-being of parents : warm attitude and acceptance of the child with the requirements of social success and achievements with control in these areas.

2. Rejecting with elements of infantilization and social disability - emotional rejection of the child , low value of his individual characterological properties, attitude as younger than his real age, attribution of bad inclinations.

3. Symbiotic - the desire to establish close intense emotional contact the child

4. Symbiotic-authoritarian - hyperprotection and total control of the behavior of the child’s , blocking the fulfillment of the child’s need for psychosocial identification.

Parameters for measuring parental attitude : “Acceptance - rejection”

,
“Cooperation”
(social desirability,
“Symbiosis”
,
“Authoritarian hypersocialization”
,
“Little loser” (infantilization - disability)
.

Most researchers of the problem of neuroses believe that the destructive style of attitude of parents towards the child leads to the emergence of anomalies in personality formation in childhood (Zakharov A.I., 1998)

Thus, one of the founders of Russian psychiatry I.M. Balinsky (1859)

believed that a strict, unfair
attitude towards children in the family is an important reason for the development of their mental illness; an overly indulgent attitude is the cause of extreme emotionality in children; making excessive demands is the cause of the child’s .
I. A. Sikorsky (1884)

came to the conclusion that cruel
upbringing contributes to the child’s feeling of fear ; pampering (relaxing) education creates subjectivity and instability of character in children; Neglect of education leads to difficulties in educational relations in general .
V. N. Myasishchev (1934, 1939, E. K. Yakovleva, R. A. Zachepitsky (1960, S. G. Fainberg (1967)

indicate that
upbringing in conditions of strict but contradictory requirements and prohibitions is a predisposing factor for obsessive-compulsive neurosis and psychasthenia; education according to the type of excessive attention and satisfaction of all the desires of the child leads to the development of hysterical character traits with egocentrism, increased emotionality and lack of self-control;
making excessive demands on children is recognized as an etiological factor in neurasthenia. In the works of foreign authors one can also find confirmation of the huge role that parental attitudes in the occurrence of disorders and deviations in the child’s .

A. Adler (1928, 1930)

noted that pampering
upbringing contributes to the development of feelings of inferiority and a tendency to dominate, even to the point of tyranny.
S. Blumenfeld, I. Alexandresco, T. Georgiou (1970)

They believe that
parental overprotection or radical neglect leads to instability and aggressiveness in children.
B. Berelson, G. Steiner, summarizing the results of many researchers, consider it established that the less affection, care and warmth a child , the slower he matures as a person , the more prone he is to passivity and apathy, and the more likely it is that in the future he will develop a weak character (Zakharov A.I., 1998)

.

Traditionally, the main institution of education is the family . What a child acquires in the family during childhood, he retains throughout his entire subsequent life. The importance of the family as an educational institution is due to the fact that the child stays in it for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of its impact on the individual , none of the educational can compare with the family. It lays the foundations of the child's personality , and by the time he enters school, he is already more than half formed as a person .

In communication, adults and children develop the following principles of communication:

1) Acceptance of the child , i.e. the child is accepted as he is.

2) Empathy (compassion)

– an adult looks
at problems through the eyes of a child and accepts his position.
3) Congruence. It assumes an adequate attitude on the part of an adult to what is happening.

I. S. Kon writes that parents do not always practice the same parenting style : fathers, as a rule, are perceived by young men and in fact are tougher and more authoritarian than mothers, so the family style is to a certain extent a compromise. Father and mother can complement each other, or they can undermine each other's influence . Authoritarian parenting is a type of parenting in which a certain ideology is accepted as the only truth. educational dominates . Coercion is the main way of transmitting social experience to children. The degree of coercion is determined by the extent to which the child has the right to determine or choose the content of the past wholesale and value system - family values , norms of behavior, rules of communication, values ​​of religion, etc. The activities of parents are dominated by the dogma of universal guardianship, the infallibility of know-it-all.

According to T. A. Kulikova, the authoritarian style is characterized by high centralization of leadership and dominance of unity of command. In this case, the parent alone makes and cancels decisions; most issues regarding problems of education and upbringing are decided by himself . The predominant methods of managing the activities of their children are orders, which can be given in hard and soft form (in the form of a request that cannot be ignored)

.
An authoritarian parent always very strictly controls the behavior of children and is demanding that his instructions be strictly followed.
Children's initiative is not encouraged or encouraged within strictly defined limits. Children of authoritarian parents to be withdrawn and timid. They have little or no desire for independence. Usually gloomy, unpretentious and irritable. During adolescence, these children, especially boys, can react extremely violently to the prohibitive and punitive environment in which they were raised , sometimes becoming disobedient and aggressive. Girls most often remain passive and dependent. The authoritarian style causes in children alienation from their parents , a feeling of insignificance and unwantedness in the family. Passive, uninterested parents cannot be the subject of imitation and identification, and other influences - schools , peers, the media - often cannot fill this gap , leaving the child without proper guidance and orientation in a complex and changing world.

The democratic style can be realized in practice in the system of the following metaphors : “Equal among equals”

and
"First among equals"
.

The first option is a style of relationship between parents and children, within which the father or mother mainly performs the necessary responsibilities for coordinating the child’s in organizing his educational activities, self-education of leisure, etc., taking into account his interests and his own opinion, coordinating with him on the rights of “ adult"

person with all the questions and problems.

The second position is realized in the relationship between a parent and a teenager , which is dominated by a high culture of activity and relationships , great trust in the child and confidence in the correctness of all his judgments, actions and deeds. In this case, parents recognize his right to autonomy and mainly see the task as coordinating the child’s and providing assistance when the child .

It was found that children of democratic parents are the best adjusted. Compared to other children, they are more confident, self-controlled, and socially competent. Over time, these children develop high self-esteem and perform much better in school than children raised by parents with other behavioral styles .

The liberal style (non-interference)
of upbringing is characterized by the lack of active participation of the father or mother in managing the process of education and upbringing . Many, even important matters and problems can actually be solved without their active participation and leadership. To do any work, they often have to persuade their children. They solve mainly those issues that arise themselves; they control the child’s and behavior from case to case. Here children are given an abundance of freedom with little guidance from parents who do not set any restrictions. In general, such a parent is characterized by low demands and weak responsibility for the results of upbringing .
The permissive style implies the absence of education as such .

In practice, none of the above styles can appear in their “pure form”

.
Thus, according to a number of authors (A. Bandura, L. A. Voloshin, V. V. Ustinov, etc.),
the use of only a democratic
style is not always effective. Each family may use different styles depending on situations and circumstances, but many years of practice forms an individual parenting style , which is relatively stable , has little dynamics and can be improved in various directions .
So, having examined the main styles of family upbringing, it should be noted that in general there are four styles of raising children in the family . These include : democratic, liberal, authoritarian and permissive. Undoubtedly, the listed styles and methods of family education have different effects on the child . The most favorable style for the development of a child as a full-fledged, developed and independent personality is the democratic style . Other styles cause deviations in the child’s development of certain traits or personality , and contribute to the development of aggressiveness, isolation, anxiety and self-doubt. In the next part of our work, we will study in more detail the influence of different styles of family education on the development and behavior of children.

Interpersonal relationships in the family

A family is founded by two people – a man and a woman. They become spouses who have to get used to each other for a long time, learn to interact and maintain their relationship.

At first the spouses get used to it

It is very important here that there is love between the partners, which will not allow them to quickly destroy their relationship. Then the feelings disappear, but moral principles and respect for the other half come into force

If a person understands in principle that he and his second spouse can live together, then the marriage survives.

Quarrels become frequent in the family. Psychologists say that this is a normal phenomenon. Quarrels are a confrontation between two opinions that spouses have. But if partners remember that they should not insist or be offended, but look for a compromise solution, then the marriage will be saved.

Spouses must be responsible, decisive, active and look in the same direction. Then the family will survive no matter what.

What disrupts family relationships?

Unfortunately, everything is not as rosy in marriages as described above. This is due to many reasons, including domestic and financial problems, the changing role of women in society, and the weakening of the institution of marriage. Today we can state the following facts:

1. Even couples who live happily in marriage quarrel and have conflicts. A marriage cannot be ideal without bringing with it certain trials and adjustments in the behavior of all family members. Not all spouses can achieve absolute harmony and not right away.
2. Family studies and surveys show that most siblings grow up arguing and having conflict with each other. Until parents stop interfering and allow their children to deal with this on their own, the situation will not change. Of course, sometimes parents must intervene if the conflict becomes uncontrollable. But children almost always quarrel and even fight.
3. It is impossible to maintain stability in the family, because there are reasons for this that often do not depend on the person. Life brings with it constant change and the need to adapt to changing circumstances. On the path of people there are such trials as success, wealth, financial problems, illness, death of loved ones. Such tests either strengthen or destroy relationships once and for all.
4. Parents cannot always fully control their children. Because of this, gaps in upbringing and emotional distance between children and parents may arise.

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In addition, it is worth recognizing the fact that many families do not meet the standards of the ideal:

• there are single-parent families headed by the mother or father, and this is usually the result of divorce, death;
• many children are raised by stepfathers and stepmothers;
• if spouses are representatives of different cultures and religions, this makes certain adjustments to the upbringing of children and family relationships;
• in addition to parents and children, grandparents and other relatives can live in the house;
• women are increasingly giving birth to children “for themselves”;
• The roles of men and women are changing: today a woman, along with a man, is the head and breadwinner.

As you can see, there are no ideal families; conflict is an integral part of family life, but the methods that are used to resolve the problem determine intrafamily relationships.

The main thing in family relationships is those feelings and personal qualities that people possess. If love, mutual respect, willingness to help each other in joy and sorrow, caring for each other reign in a family, this is an ideal family union.

And it doesn’t matter who raises the children, their own father or stepfather, no matter how often quarrels happen, what matters is how comfortable all family members are in such relationships

Family functions

Family psychology studies not only the structure and form of a small social group, but also its functions - spheres of life aimed at meeting the needs of all participants.

Educational function

This function should be considered both from the perspective of meeting the needs of family members and its role in society:

• for spouses it means satisfying the needs for fatherhood and motherhood, their own self-realization in children;
• For society, raising a new generation is important from the point of view of the formation of society and its structure.

The implementation of the educational function takes a fairly long period - from birth to the stage of growing up of the child. During this time, parents need to form appropriate psycho-emotional, physical and social norms and help in adapting to life in society. In addition, the self-education of parents in relation to children and the elderly generation plays an important role.

Household

The household function is based on the needs of family members:

• in material well-being;
• in maintaining health (physical, psycho-emotional, social);
• in maintaining life and development.

The manifestation of this function can be expressed in preserving and maintaining the health of both parents and children, in caring for needy family members, in joint housekeeping.

The implementation of household functions affects the structure of the family and the formation of its status. It may depend on the type of management, sources of income, its distribution and other factors.

Emotional exchange

Relationships between family members are built on the basis of emotions, which are expressed in affection for each other. In positive dynamics, this attachment develops into respect, sympathy, love - emotions that are considered the norm for most. In this way, an emotional exchange occurs between members of the community.

In addition to interacting with each other, family members have to communicate with society, as a result of which an emotional exchange also occurs, in a positive or negative way. And here broader forms of interaction are already appearing, ranging from sympathy to hatred or enmity with other members of society.

The implementation of this function depends on the presence of emotional interaction between family members and society. The lack of energy exchange leads to the accumulation of unexpressed feelings and illnesses of a small social group.

Communication function

In some sources the function is called leisure. It is based on the need of family members to spend time together, cultural and spiritual interaction. The implementation of the function contributes to the spiritual development of members of society, personal growth, self-development, and depends primarily on the ability to communicate in society.

Positive implementation of leisure function affects the psycho-emotional background and health status. The lack of ability to communicate and the possibility of rest leads to stress, loss of strength and negative interaction with other participants in the process.

Function of primary social control

All members of society are subject to certain rules, which are based not only on what is allowed, but also on prohibitions. Standards of behavior help maintain the integrity of society and provide a certain degree of protection for its members.

Within a small cell of society, mechanisms of control and self-regulation also operate, since not all participants are able to responsibly and independently structure their behavior without infringing on the interests and needs of other members of the group. For example, young children or elderly parents need the supervision of capable relatives.

Sexual-erotic function

The role of the function in satisfying the respective needs of spouses and in regulating sexual behavior between them. Realization ensures reproductive function, procreation, and, consequently, the development of society. As you know, the purpose of marriage is to have children and raise new members of society. Therefore, one of the tasks for spouses is the reproduction of psychologically and physically healthy people.

Economic function

The economic function is based on the level of material well-being of the family. Consequently, it depends on income, which is formed based on the sources of its receipt and the costs of disabled group members who require financial support.

Protective function

The family’s ability to defend its interests lies not only in physical protection, for example, when passing hooligans show aggression, but also in the formation of psychological, emotional, and economic stability.

Succession function

The function of preserving traditions and continuity of generations. Thanks to implementation, relationships between relatives are strengthened, values ​​and family history are formed.

Violation of the implementation of the listed functions leads to problems in the family . In our time, society is faced with the manifestation of dysfunctions in the following ways:

• demographic crisis caused by a decrease in the birth rate and an increase in mortality;
• short duration of marriages and high divorce rates;
• degradation of family values, including in relation to raising children;
• an increase in the number of families with low social status;
• shifting roles in the family;
• increased manifestation of tyranny and violence.

It should be noted that in the current situation it is not so much the members of a small cell of society who are to blame, but society as a whole, since the functioning and interaction of group members depends on:

• generally accepted norms;
• economic microclimate;
• demographic situation;
• work of state institutions;
• psychophysiological dynamics of relationships.

Family relationships

Every family should be built on trust and respect for each of its members, constant attention, care and support. Of course, parents must live in love and harmony; all sorts of conflicts and other tensions are instantly felt in children in an incomprehensible way, and lead to pathologies in their psycho-emotional and even mental-physical development. Personality transformations of parents, as a rule, are associated with personal or career problems. In such unfavorable moments, the support of your spouse is more important than ever.

Otherwise, the situation threatens serious disorder of one or both parents, the development of alcoholism and indifference. Having received autarky, children cease to be obedient and affectionate towards their parents, experiencing emotional suffering and extreme stress. Turning points and difficult moments for every family often occur between the ages of 13 and 18. At this time, children intensively undergo secondary socialization, they develop unusual interests.

It is important at this moment to build quality relationships between generations in the family.

based on previously completed work. It is during the restless adolescence that children oppose themselves to society, ask a lot of questions about the achievements of their parents, and have their own point of view on everything.

In fact, a good climate in the family depends directly on the parents

By constantly showing attention and care to children, they have the right to count on minimal manifestations of instability in the behavior of adolescents and on a constant reciprocal feeling of attention and gratitude. Conversely, manifestations of indifference, inattention, or constant squabbles and scolding between family members lead to unsatisfactory academic performance of the offspring and to their nervous breakdowns.

At the slightest manifestation of aggression or misunderstanding, it is worth knowing that the psychology of relationships in the family

can help on all levels: between spouses, between generations and even between children. In the process of education and training, you should be very flexible and attentive. Constantly monitor your child’s well-being, study his interests, aspirations and inclinations, and promptly prevent the spread of potential conflicts. Don't put too much pressure on your child. Recent scientific studies indicate difficulties in adapting to adult life in children who have been overprotected. You should not show dictatorial tendencies in the process of education and assert yourself at the expense of the baby.

However, you should not think that everything is in order when there is absolute calm. Quicker. There is a smell of complete indifference here. Parental attention should be enough, but it should not overshadow everything else in the lives of children. They also have the right to form their own opinions. Models of relationships between spouses will help in raising children

in the family based on various behavioral forms and stereotypes.

Optimally built relationships in the family

may vary depending on the character and temperament of the spouses. Is it difficult for you to raise children? What manifestations of a “difficult age” are typical for your child? Sharing parenting experiences is also a powerful weapon in the difficult process of parenting.

How do we know how to build relationships? Experts from DOM-2

We live in a time of total information that comes from any source. Movies, TV series, TV shows, newspapers and so on. Everything we see, hear or read, we unconsciously apply to our lives.

Read more: Relationships without obligations!

It would be nice if TV showed us how to build family relationships correctly, that a good and friendly family is the right approach, that children need to be raised in love and understanding. But no, on TV we see constant swearing, arguments, discontent and complaints. And we all absorb it unconsciously, like a sponge absorbing water.

How long have you seen a good TV show or movie about healthy relationships? I personally haven’t seen it for a long time, and I don’t think I will see it anytime soon.

Another observation is that from the Russian stage we mostly hear songs about love, how important it is, and that relationships should be built only on love. Love is a good thing, but if love goes away, what will be left behind? Negative? This is the end of the relationship.

The most important thing in a relationship is trust and respect.

Secrets, secrets and rules of an ideal family life

The basic principles on which the lives of truly happy families are based:

1. Mutual respect and trust. This applies not only to spouses, but also to parents with children. In a family where everyone respects each other, listens to everyone’s opinion and is always ready to help, conflicts and misunderstandings cannot arise.
2. A man's ability to take responsibility. The man is the head of the family. Currently, this role often belongs to a woman, and most conflicts arise precisely because a man ceases to bear responsibility for the family, and a woman takes on non-feminine responsibilities.
3. A woman’s desire to be a mother and housewife. The main purpose of a woman is to maintain home comfort and raise children. Family life should be organized in such a way that a woman always has enough time and energy for her home, her husband, and her children.
4. The ability of spouses to escape from everyday life. Often relationships end due to a cooling of a man and a woman towards each other, caused by the departure of romance and passion from their relationship. Spouses should always remember that they are not only partners and parents, but also loving people. The ability to find time for leisure time together is an important factor in maintaining a relationship.

Parents and children in the system of family relations

This article will examine questions about which tendencies in attitudes towards children are healthier from the point of view of family life.

Practical psychology clearly answers the question of interaction between parents and children in the system of family relations. To determine those life strategies that lead people to satisfaction with their lives, various families are studied. Some of them are subjectively satisfied with their lives and those around them, some are satisfied to a lesser extent, some are exceptionally and chronically unhappy. Next, life attitudes, beliefs, values, strategies, behavioral tactics, ways of establishing contacts with others are studied, that is, the “way of living” of both groups. And it is in this way that life strategies are determined that generally lead a person to well-being, and those that, as a rule, lead a person to a dead end. By studying the psychology of relationships between children and parents in the family, huge statistics are collected, and as a result, conclusions are drawn. This, of course, is a kind of simplified scheme of the approach, but in essence it is correct. And it is on this basis, and not on the basis of personal preferences and not out of thin air (as some skeptics suggest), that ideas about more or less successful life strategies, including strategies for raising children, are formed in psychology.

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Before moving on to the analysis of various trends in family education, it should be noted that the issue of a healthy approach is always a matter of moderation. Any successful strategy can be ruined by taking it to the point of absurdity by using it too actively. At the same time, any not very healthy tendency in a small concentration is acceptable and will not cause harm. Only fanaticism in the application of certain regulations is harmful. Suppose we believe that it is good to show concern for children. However, excessive, “suffocating” care does not allow children to develop. And the parent’s sensitivity should always set appropriate boundaries of care. Or, for example, it is harmful to sleep with an adult child in the same bed. However, if a frightened child comes running to you in the middle of the night, you should not, while showing commitment to the “correct” attitudes, fundamentally not let him lie down with you in order to calm down. The difference between good and undesirable trends is often not qualitative, but quantitative.

Any family model is acceptable if it meets your values

It is only important to check how consciously you build the interaction between parents and child in the system of family relationships:

• Do they actually align with your values?
• Do you imagine the consequences of certain relationship models?
• To what extent is following a model your conscious choice, and not a prescription of one or another group of people?

In a modern family, there are models of relationships between parents and children, inherited from our own ancestors, or those that we mainly see around us. Out of inertia, people follow these models, but in reality they often do not share the values ​​that underlie these forms of relationships. For example, a woman inherits from her mother the attitude that the most important thing in life is children, and when they were born into the family, the life of adults (especially the mother) ended. A woman automatically begins to reproduce such a family model. However, it is not at all necessary that for her personally this type of relationship with children in the family will be organic. Perhaps a woman has ambitions (not always sufficiently conscious), it is difficult for her to devote herself to children, she feels dissatisfaction, and becomes increasingly withdrawn into constant dissatisfaction, the reason for which she does not always allow herself to understand. This misalignment between inherited values ​​and personal aspirations can cause serious internal conflict and strained relationships with loved ones. A serious analysis of a woman's needs could change her life attitudes.

For men

As one pathologist said: is it possible to understand women? They even have a different anatomy. Probably, many men have come to terms with the fact that they will never comprehend women with their male minds. For this reason, people have been making jokes and telling jokes since time immemorial. However, if you are tired of dragging out the existence of a lone wolf (in our feminine language, a lousy stray dog) and you are finally and irrevocably ripe for the process of nesting, that is, for creating a family. This means that it’s time to somehow adapt to a joint and preferably comfortable coexistence in that very notorious unit of society.

First (and most important): Don’t try to understand a woman, just love. Surround your wife with care. Be generous with compliments. After all, it’s no secret that a woman loves with her ears. And I am inclined to believe anyone who competently masters the art of riding through these “ears.” I gave my word - keep it. Bleeding from the nose, try to fulfill everything you swore. Or don’t promise at all if you’re not sure you’ll deliver. Or your wife will simply be disappointed in you - minus your karma and hope for a cloudless family life. If any misunderstandings or conflicts arise in the family, then no matter how much you want it, it is better to discuss all this at once and calmly. Resolve controversial issues in dialogue with your wife. Apply all your male logic, which any Y-chromosome carrier is so proud of, wisdom and good nature. Which will undoubtedly be the key to a successful conversation and resolution of the conflict. There is no need to avoid such debriefings by shamefully retreating and hiding with friends somewhere in garages - the lowest and most undignified activity. The main thing is to try to maintain good relationships and not turn all this into banal “showdowns”. Show your best side and, as they say, you will be happy. Give your wife time. Yes Yes! And much more than your friends, no matter how good and faithful they may be. Because the most valuable and only friend who really cares about you, worries, cares about you is your wife (We don’t take parents into account, we’re not talking about them here). Your wife spends most of her time doing what awaits you from work. And not alone, but together with the dinner that she created for you as a masterpiece, with love, showing all her ingenuity, and prepared it incredibly delicious. And which many men, taking for granted, quickly gobble it up, while staring blankly at their phone (or some other gadget). Don't miss the chance to reciprocate for your wife. Don’t forget to appreciate her work and care for you.

Give her your attention, try to spend time together, talk, discuss and share your thoughts and dreams. Don’t turn into ordinary roommates who, over time, if you don’t take action, will turn into a cat and a dog, ready to grab each other’s throats.

Courage, wisdom and mercy - by and large, these are the qualities that a man needs for his family to maintain good relationships and exist fully. So that he can fully feel like a real, and most importantly, a BELOVED father of the family, its head.

It is approximately on such axioms that good, harmonious relationships in the family can exist painlessly. Without them, no happy union is possible. To which, albeit subconsciously, both halves of humanity strive, both the strong and courageous, and the weak and beautiful.

USEFUL INFORMATION: How to register ownership of a land plot by inheritance

Family. Types of families

We find the first requirements for a person’s personality and his behavior, as a result of family upbringing, already in the biblical commandments: do not steal, be respectful to your elders.

Family -

a special intimate group, social association, community, whose members are connected by marriage or kinship ties, a community of everyday life, which carries out the reproduction of the population and the continuity of family generations, the socialization of children and support for the existence of family members who bear mutual moral responsibility.

Family education was based on the authority of parents, their deeds and actions, and family traditions. It is parents - the first educators - who have the strongest influence on children.

Depending on the number of children, families are:

• - large families,
• - small children,
• - one-children,
• - childless.

By composition:

• - same generation (spouses),
• — two-generation (parents + children),
• — intergenerational (parents + children + parents of parents).

Lately, single-parent families have become quite common.

It has been noted that the family circumstances in which children grew up leave an imprint on their entire life and even predetermine their fate.

The success of education largely depends on the unity and consistency of the educational influence of the family and educational institutions.

An effective stimulating factor in the development of students is the creation of a working atmosphere in the family. Children should make whatever contribution they can to creating the well-being of the family.

Parents must take into account the age and individual characteristics of their children and treat them (despite their age) with respect.

Forming proper relationships between children, children and adults is an important task for parents.

Relatives

It is not for nothing that family psychologists advise newlyweds to live separately from other family members (parents). This is explained by the fact that in a common house they will never be able to begin to build full-fledged relationships. Parents will always be the most ardent participants in conflicts. Of course, the mother and father of the bride or groom pursue only good goals. But this often leads to even bigger problems.

Realizing that her mother is nearby, a girl will never turn into a woman, and a boy into a man. The same goes for financial assistance, cooking and much more. For parents, their children always remain babies.

Of course, parents can always help with advice, but this does not mean that young spouses should unquestioningly follow all the instructions of the older generation.

In a normal family there should be only one mistress and a single head of the family. If you start sharing these responsibilities with your parents, then nothing good will come of it. Quarrels will occur even more often, since not only spouses, but also other residents of the house will conflict. Therefore, it is worth doing everything possible to acquire your own home.

Another problem is intimate life. A man and a woman will not be able to fully relax, realizing that their parents are snoring behind the wall, and maybe even eavesdropping.

The same goes for raising children. Grandmothers often pamper and feed their babies; such interaction does not always have a positive effect on the growing child. When this happens only during visits to the parental home, then such manifestations of love can be experienced. But when you have to prove your point of view on raising children every day, this leads to irritation and emotional instability. The mother's social status must be undeniable.

Everything should be in moderation. The main thing is to love each other and support each other. Then all crises and problems will go unnoticed, and the development of relations will be more harmonious.

What are the 12 secret words that can quickly make a man fall in love?

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Basics of proper communication

The main problem of interpersonal relationships is a violation of communicative function. If a person does not know how to communicate correctly and is afraid to establish contacts with people, then any type of interpersonal relationships are unlikely to develop successfully.

Useful tips

There are several effective tips on how to learn to communicate with people:

1. Be interested in what the other person is saying. Learn to listen.
2. Watch your facial expressions. Smile more often.
3. Call your interlocutor by name more often. According to numerous psychological studies, the sound of one's own name is one of the most pleasant to the human ear.
4. Get rid of filler words. They make your speech vulgar and uncomfortable to hear.
5. Develop a culture of speech. When a person speaks correctly and beautifully, it is not only pleasant to listen to him, but also much more understandable. After all, the ability to clearly and clearly formulate your thoughts guarantees that the interlocutor will also understand them.

There are situations when, during communication, people cannot find the right words, do not know what to talk about and how to build a constructive dialogue. As a result, misunderstandings arise in relationships.

Communication mistakes

What communication mistakes should you try to avoid so that types of interpersonal relationships are not at risk of unfavorable development?

1. Watch your tone, facial expressions and gestures. Avoid an indifferent tone, a bored look, skeptical assessments - such manifestations discourage the desire to continue communication.
2. The language barrier. This is not just a problem of people speaking different languages. Also, a language barrier can arise between people with different levels of development, age characteristics and speech culture. For example, you won’t be able to talk with children the same way as with adults, if only because most of the words and terms that adults use in conversation may be unknown to children.
3. Manifestations of social phobia. It happens that a person, for inexplicable reasons, feels afraid of communicating with people. This is why awkward situations and pauses arise when trying to establish contact with the interlocutor. If you are faced with a similar problem, then you need to show inner willpower and resilience to work on improving your communication functions.

Every person is born and lives in society throughout his life. Complete isolation is completely impossible. There are options to trim and reduce the types of interpersonal relationships, leaving only the most necessary areas of social connection. But without successful construction of social communication connections, harmonious personal growth and development is impossible.

Stages

Family relationships go through the following stages:

1. Premarital communication. Lovers date on average 9-12 months before deciding to marry. Some come to this decision earlier than the specified period, others much later. The decision to get married may be caused by a sincere desire to start living together or by other factors: the pursuit of selfish goals, the woman’s pregnancy, solving a housing problem, etc.
2. Confrontation. The beginning of a life together is always accompanied by conflicts, since there is always a clash of interests. Often, divorces occur precisely at the stage of confrontation, if the parties do not find the strength or desire to find compromises.

Compromise. Spouses distribute rights and responsibilities, reach mutual understanding on key issues. Mature family relationships. Family life is returning to normal, and the spouses have a final distribution of roles. Midlife crisis. After about 14-15 years of marriage, most people reach the age of 40 when a midlife crisis occurs. The routine of family life often pushes people to divorce in order to gain new emotions and change their usual way of life.

Revival of relationships. Having survived the crisis and not taking rash steps, the spouses are even more convinced of the need for each other. At this stage, the value of the family and the partner itself increases significantly.

Emptying of the “nest”. Children starting an independent life often leads to a crisis in the relationship between spouses - with the loss of parental function, the main meaning of life is lost.

Death of a spouse. The death of one of the spouses leads to the logical end of the couple’s family relationship.

Classification

The famous American psychotherapist Muriel James shares the following types of family relationships:

• Marriage of convenience;
• Open marriage;
• Romantic marriage;
• Marriage-Partnership;
• Love-match.

1. Marriage of convenience. Family relationships in this form help one person, with the help of another, to cope with certain circumstances. These could be political problems, monetary, psychological, dynastic. Sometimes such marriages develop into true love and become strong.
2. Romantic marriage. M. James believes that such marriages are based on passion and love. Family relationships in this case can be based on these feelings, but do not always move into the stage of true love. After going through the stage of falling in love, this couple often has nothing left; they complain that the romance has disappeared.
3. Marriage-companionship. Family relationships in this case are based on friendly ties. In this case, people do not consider romantic feelings obligatory, there are no sexual desires for certain reasons. This is typical for older people.
4. Open marriage. Family relationships in this form exclude the concept of “treason.” They are normal about a variety of sexual relationships outside the family, while sharing the real feelings in their couple and the passion that arises for other people.
5. Love-match. Family relationships in this case are based on mutual interest in each other. Marriage consists of bursts of passion, sensual experiences, common interests, and strong friendship. The unity of people is created, but the possibility of privacy is not excluded.

In the law of content, family relations are personal non-property and property. According to the subject composition, family relationships are divided into:

• Marital;
• Parental;
• Between the rest of the family.

There are harmonious and non-harmonic types of family relationships. The first includes the traditional, partner and harmonious family. An example of a non-harmonious type of family relationship is the third wheel family (“childfree”). In this case, the couple fundamentally does not want to have children. Read more about the psychology of family relationships and conflict resolution in this article.