Family life cycle: stages and crises

Adviсe

Stages of family life and crises
First crisis - young family
The birth of the first child
Crisis of 3 years
Crisis of couples with children 6-12 years old
Teen crisis
Children leave their father's house
The “empty nest” stage
Signs of a crisis in the family
How to cope with a family crisis

How long will the economic crisis last? People are interested in the reasons and ways to get out of it, worrying about their quality of life. But for some reason they don’t learn to understand the psychology of family crises. Although understanding the patterns of the family life cycle is more important than material aspects.

Any family, as a social system, also goes through stages, and the transitions between them are precisely crises. From which they come out with both losses and victories.

Stages of family life and crises

A family, like an organism, goes through cycles: birth, formation, development. Family disintegration can occur at any stage, but is most likely during the transformation of intrafamily relationships to which members of the “social unit” are not ready to adapt.

The family life cycle is the history of family events and relationships. Stages are a set of significant episodes. Back in 1948, psychologists E. Duval and R. Hill spoke about 24 periods of development of family relationships. Subsequently, the cycles were reduced to seven important stages. What do you need to know about natural turning points in family life?

Periods of family relationships. Stage five

The fifth stage of development of family relationships represents the period of true love. This is not at all the love that was present between people initially. Then a man and a woman loved each other for beauty, kindness, sexuality and so on. And now they love not with their eyes, body or mind. Now they love with their souls. And not for anything, but just like that. The first feelings implied receiving something, the feelings that exist at this stage are self-giving. This is unconditional love, based not on physical union, but on spirituality.

During this period, the relationship between the spouses becomes warm, careful and extremely reliable. There is no rejection of anything in them. The husband and wife look at each other's mistakes with loving irony and understanding. Now it is unlikely that they can seriously quarrel. Minor squabbles are possible, but they no longer play any role in the fate of the family. This is more of a game than a desire to prove something to your soul mate. From now on, there is no need to prove anything at all. Life itself did everything.

Actually, this stage is the true purpose of creating a family. But in order to come to him, you have to go through a lot. For some reason, we believe that happy family relationships are similar to relationships during the courtship period. They must certainly contain flowers, gifts, passionate kisses, confessions... And if all this disappears, we decide that love has passed and rush to file for divorce. Then a new object of passion appears, with whom everything happens according to the same scenario. A third, a fourth arises... We despair and bury the hope of creating a strong, happy family.

The whole point is that we expect eternal, inspiring lust from family relationships. Many of those who are dissatisfied with their marriage are convinced that it is unsuccessful because “the husband stopped carrying in his arms”, “the wife stopped trying to look very impressive.” But life is dynamic! It is constantly changing, forcing relationships to change. You can't carry your wife in your arms all the time. We also need to do something else. You can’t always look impressive in your husband’s eyes. You also need to hang around in the kitchen, wash, clean, sleep, in the end.

Moreover, even if a woman manages to be a stunning beauty around the clock and moves around the house exclusively in the arms of her husband, there is no guarantee that the marriage will not fall apart. Firstly, monotony is tiring. And secondly, in almost any family, even the happiest, there are periods of crisis. What are they usually like?

First crisis - young family

The first crisis awaits the young family. It is not for nothing that the year from the date of marriage is popularly called the “Cintz wedding”, which implies the fragility and vivid diversity of the relationship between the spouses. The dissimilarity of characters, habits, and principles create a kaleidoscope of happy moments and “grinding” quarrels. The same phenomena occur in civilian families. Sometimes this cycle stretches to five years. What happens more will determine what the exit from the first crisis period will be. Negotiations and agreements are the main weapon at the stage of a developing family in order to achieve harmony. If you manage to find compromises, learn to smooth out contradictions, stop in time when anger begins to speak, not reason, help each other, and not infantilely shift responsibilities, then family life will transform into a new quality.

Crises arising in marriage

The next significant crisis of 3 years often coincides with the birth of the first child. Now the spouses will need to get used to their new role as parents. In addition, spouses begin to notice that they have changed over the period of their life together, interdependence has appeared. During this period, there may be a need to return to oneself in a premarital state through the renewal of old contacts or a change in professional activity. In this crisis, the main thing is not to go too far from the family and make the birth of a child a happy and bonding event.

According to experts in the field of relationship psychology, the crisis of 7 years is the most difficult to overcome among the crises that arise between a man and a woman in marriage. This is the stage of being fed up with each other. The spouses have already studied each other so well that they can do without words at all. On the one hand, it’s wonderful to have a reliable partner who understands you, on the other hand, the married couple is pressured by monotony, dullness and predictability, the relationship seems insipid. By this period, as a rule, life has already been established, the role of parents has become familiar, and in the absence of other goals, spouses can start looking for something new on the side. Experts note that after 7-10 years of marriage, the likelihood of infidelity is highest.

To avoid a breakup, it is recommended to find a new common hobby during this period. For example, take salsa lessons. This will allow you to get to know your partner from an unusual side. You need to try not to forget why the relationship started. You can bring romance back into a relationship if you arrange surprises and dates for each other again.

The next crisis is related to the personal condition of the spouses. It occurs during a midlife crisis, when there is a tendency to rethink and dissatisfaction with the life lived, and there is a fear that there is too little time left. This is a difficult period in the life of every person, and spouses should unite and try to convince each other that they did everything right and chose the right life partner.

The final crisis occurs when children leave home to build their own lives. Spouses can find consolation in each other: go on a cruise or move out of town, because most of the goals have already been achieved.

The psychology of relationships that arises between a man and a woman in any marriage is not only a series of crises, it is also affection, respect, tenderness, care and love.

The birth of the first child

The birth of the first child is considered a difficult turning point. When a family moves from a childless couple to the status of a full family, the concentration on each other is broken. And building relationships in which a new participant has appeared requires wisdom and patience on both sides. For this, it is important that the emotional attachment of the spouses develops into friendship. Otherwise, everyone will focus on their own problems and complaints. Sometimes a woman believes that she will receive the lack of love from her husband from her baby. But, faced with the responsibilities of a mother, she becomes depressed, realizing that she has to “give” more again. Therefore, the birth of a child should be approached carefully and together prepared for a new stage in the family.

A woman goes through enormous stress: physical, hormonal, psychological. A man also experiences stress, but his task is to understand the state of his wife and not contrast his functions as a “breadwinner” with those of his parents. After all, a father is also a parent. At this stage of life, the ability to help each other is important.

If there were contradictions before the birth of the baby, they become aggravated. Therefore, one should not think that a newborn will breathe life into a broken relationship, although this sometimes happens. But more often, problems put on pause will make themselves felt again in the next crisis period.

Stage No. 5 – revival of feelings

After difficult periods of crisis, the spouses can finally breathe freely - the “dark streak” in their relationship is over. After you go through many difficulties and maintain your relationship, a worthy reward awaits you - the revival of love, passion, and romance.

Now you will fall in love with your other half again, freshness of feelings, ardent passion and romance will return to your contacts. This period brings spouses even closer together, making them truly kindred spirits.

At this stage, the element of struggle and resistance practically disappears from the relationship, and again people in love begin to enjoy the differences between them. This life period is characterized by absolute harmony and complementation of each other.

We suggest you read: How to make a man jealous and afraid of losing psychology ~ Psychologist and Me

Here are some tips for building your life during this period.

Do not hold back your emotions under any circumstances - just enjoy the new surge of feelings. At different stages of a family relationship, you will experience different feelings.
Forget all the bad things that happened in the past in your everyday life - you have a good chance to start over with a clean slate.
This period is a great time for romantic time that will strengthen your relationship. Go somewhere away from household chores, routine and problems and enjoy your second honeymoon.

Crisis of 3 years

Which occurs when the child reaches three years of age. At the stage of families with preschoolers 3-6 years old, mothers return from maternity leave to work. In addition to household responsibilities, professional ones appear. New stresses arise on both spouses. The feeling that there is simply no personal life leads to depression and nervousness.

The baby is acclimatizing to kindergarten. The introduction of a nanny or grandmother into the family also entails a number of issues: the problem of uniform requirements for the child’s behavior, preparation for school, preschool development.

Rebuilding your lifestyle in this cycle without succumbing to natural stress is not an easy task, but it can be done. If you realize that it will become easier when everything “gets on track.” Control negative emotions, give in to each other, conduct dialogues and strive for harmony. Friendship must transform into respect and complete acceptance of a partner with all his shortcomings.

Crisis of couples with children 6-12 years old

A married couple with children aged 6-12 years old attending school - a middle-aged family - realizes for the first time that their firstborn will sooner or later leave them. And spouses have different attitudes towards the prospect of being left alone with each other.

At this stage of life, the crisis stages of family members intersect: the birth of a second child, loss of a job or moving to another place, a midlife crisis in men, illnesses of the older generation.

A child who has reached the age of seven experiences another stage of growing up, which is manifested in behavior. Parents go through a period of adaptation to the independence of a small family member. School loads on children and parents' problem of motivation to study add stress.

An increase in spending adds elements of a financial crisis in the family, which contributes to an imbalance in the system of relationships.

Another reason for the crisis is that the product of joint “nurturing” is on display and the parents’ mistakes become obvious. Checking the effectiveness of upbringing reveals intra-family contradictions and conflicts for outsiders.

Combining career and education is not always possible to harmonize. Distortions affect the state of mind of all family members directly or indirectly.

Ideally, at this stage of full knowledge of each other, true love for the partner comes. But if relationships in previous life cycles have not been finalized, mutual claims do not allow one to act as a “united front” against problems. And most often, in terms of psychological atmosphere, a middle-aged family is the most anxious and turbulent stage of the entire life cycle. Because “satiation” with each other sets in, and a thirst for new sensations and emotions arises.

What stages of family relationships do you need to go through to find happiness in marriage? Part 1

Each marital union goes through stages of family relationships , which can be considered in 2 aspects: from the point of view of feelings of love and from the point of view of the occurrence of crises in relationships. Today we'll talk about love.

If only all couples had access to family happiness! It would seem, well, you fell in love with each other, live to your health! But no. Time passes and everything changes...

The stages of development of a marital marriage have been studied since ancient times, and recently they have become increasingly relevant in the psychology of love and relationships.

Stages of family relationships

Stage 1. Love

This is where the best feelings come out, but they are hormonal and disease-like. Love inspires, inspires to deeds, but this, alas, is not love... but it looks so much like it!

Each other’s shortcomings are not noticed, and if so, then they cause tenderness and acceptance. It's real happiness when everything is so good. Full mutual understanding. Sexual relationships are simply brilliant!

It may seem that everything is very sweet and the partners feel how close they are in spirit, what good friends and spouses they are, the world is in bright colors and it seems that it will always be this way.

Stage 2. Satiation

At this stage, the spouses feel how their feelings calm down and begin to understand that everything is becoming familiar. Passion subsides in bed too. The merits of the chosen one are no longer so touching; moreover, they do not seem somehow supernatural.

However, this state of affairs does not make the spouses unhappy; they already know each other well and understand that they have a lot in common. Sexual communication and living together becomes familiar and natural, without color.

Stage 3. Intolerance

At this stage of family relationships there comes a turning point. Partners get a little bored of each other because they become easily predictable. Irritation appears at precisely those character traits that once caused tenderness. You don’t need a special reason to be outraged by your partner’s behavior.

It seems that everything is deeply neglected and incorrigible. Constant quarrels, showdowns. It can be aggravated by short breaks, for example, one of the spouses decides to live separately.

Silent games are practiced. The one who is offended is the one who “sulks.” Sometimes it lasts a week, or even more, and everyone waits to see who will speak first.

In intimate life, sudden mood swings are possible. There can be either strong lust after a quarrel or, conversely, a reluctance to touch your spouse.

Modern psychological magazines write about signs or precursors of divorce. So this is exactly what we are talking about. But this is only stage 3!

Some sources even say that if you have not moved to the 4th stage, consider that there was no relationship at all!

Teen crisis

When the eldest child reaches the teenage crisis, most parents begin to have a midlife crisis. The stage of family life with older teenage children is a crisis stage due to the children reaching puberty and the challenges associated with this process. And also with the ongoing physiological and psychological changes of the married couple themselves. Re-evaluating life experiences opens your eyes to missed opportunities. You take your own failures out on your partner. Men can look elsewhere for confirmation of their masculinity and wealth.

Maintaining hierarchy in the family is possible if a flexible system of rules is built and intra-family communication is established.

Children leave their father's house

The stage when children leave their parents' home forces spouses to evaluate their relationship without children. The nature of relationships with children striving for independence is changing. Revising your life routine, changing your habits and rhythm causes tension. This is especially true for non-working women, whose sense of self-worth is undermined if motherhood was their main activity and self-expression. Only the ability to fill the void with other activities will help you survive the crisis at this stage.

The appearance of children and their upbringing

Usually, before the third anniversary of marriage, a couple has their first or even second child. As a rule, in families, the mother takes more responsibility for the child, since the father continues to “be in the ranks”, earning money.
There is a very high probability of divorce here, since the nerves of a young woman, now also a mother, sometimes simply cannot stand it, because she is alone at home all the time with a small child in her arms. Apart from the store, the clinic and the playground, she practically doesn’t go anywhere. Who might like this? Moreover, if she previously led an active lifestyle.

She nags her husband all the time about trifles. And he, in turn, tries to spend more time outside the home, which is fraught with the appearance of a mistress and the collapse of the family. Therefore, you just need to endure this period, because it is not forever.

And now the children have grown up and gone to kindergarten or school. By this time the woman had already returned from maternity leave and had settled into a rut. It became easier for my husband financially, because now there is more income.

In the family at this stage, everything has already “settled down”: adults have become accustomed to each other’s oddities, children have appeared, and they, as a rule, only unite the family. But if problems exist between spouses, then the child will not help.

It's much easier for the couple now. They spend fun weekends together and raise their offspring together.

I now have time for friends and other hobbies. Life has regained its colors.

This stage not only gives a little free space, but also promotes the internal development of each of them. By communicating with other people, reading books, traveling, they expand their horizons.

Each of the spouses can already look back, then look at today and ask themselves the question: “Is this how you wanted to live this time?”

Read more: Male and female archetypes according to Jung

The “empty nest” stage

The “empty nest” stage. 50% of couples divorce when they realize that they no longer have anything to do with each other. Age-related deterioration in health, retirement, and the imminent threat of old age and death cause crisis experiences. The common interests of the spouses can survive them. It's not worth living the life of grown-up children. After all, finally, you can devote all your time to each other.

The loss of one partner is the next crisis of the same life cycle. The solution will be to build new relationships with the families of adult children and grandchildren. Focusing on further work or self-development, hobbies. It is also possible to create a new family.

Additional causes of family crises:

Treason. Change in income level. And even if they grow. Serious and long-term illnesses. Change in family composition: death of one of the members, arrival of parents. Changes in lifestyle, sudden changes, moving. Force majeure: military actions, political disagreements.

When spouses realize the stages of development of family relationships, there is an understanding that feelings do not pass away, but take on a renewed form. Each cycle has its own meaning. No strong relationship is possible without crises. By going through them, a person becomes mature, grows spiritually and hardens.

Crisis management is about changing to fit the role in new circumstances and helping your partner accept these changes. To emerge from a family crisis to a new level of mutual assistance and understanding by establishing relationships that are appropriate to the situation. If partners do not want to change, then alienation increases with every tension and will inevitably lead to the breakup of the family.

Stage No. 1 – the chemistry of love

The first stage of a created family is the most emotionally vibrant time, because young people experience the so-called “chemistry of love.” This is a special time, the first years of marriage, because right now the relationship between a man and a woman in a new role, as spouses, is emerging.

We suggest you read: How to bewitch yourself from a distance without consequences

At this stage, many married couples experience absolute harmony in building relationships and simply enjoy each other. This period very often also coincides with the honeymoon, so the newlyweds can fully enjoy each other.

The first period is full of bright emotions, happiness and passion. But psychology also considers the stages of family relationships as stages of development.

Here are some tips to help you get through this period as happily as possible and do everything to maintain harmony and unity.

Try to maintain this state of euphoria and love for as long as possible. Enjoy these moments when you can soar on the wings of love, discover each other with interest, like an unread book, page by page.
Be prepared for new discoveries in your partner, and also for the fact that they will not always be pleasant. Just know that there are no people in the world without flaws, so sooner or later you will see them, but do everything so that this does not extinguish your feelings and passion.
Make plans for your future, discuss important issues together and make efforts to reach agreements.
Be more interested in your partner, be interested in everything that interests him.
You don’t need to spend all the time just the two of you, even if you really want it. Believe me, short breaks and relaxation in the company of friends will not cool your passion, but on the contrary, they will strengthen your feelings and the next period will come a little later.
Maintain what you have and your love will grow, filling your relationship with happiness. This rule is relevant at all stages of family relationships.

Signs of a crisis in the family

Not every quarrel is a crisis. Competition, anger, irritation and resentment arise even in a completely prosperous period. And moments of crisis do not always manifest themselves in quarrels. There are so many life stories in which an outwardly calm married couple quietly and almost peacefully separated.

In addition to scandals and mutual discontent, there are other signs of a crisis in the family:

Lack of mutual understanding and common opinion on any life issues. Nullification of intimate life. Spouses do not try to please each other. All issues concerning children are accompanied by quarrels. Partners get irritated for any reason. One spouse constantly defers to the other's opinion. Because of this, he harbors resentment. “Family psychopathy” - when there is no empathy and understanding of the feelings of another. The desire to share your experiences, joys and problems disappears. The husband and wife do not communicate and spend time at work or outside the family.

The main thing is to understand in time that discord is a component of a new stage in marital relations.

Periods of family relationships. Stage one

How happy the first days of lovers’ meetings are! Waiting for calls, tender words, tender kisses, walks under the moon... A fantastic period of relationships! It seems to lovers that they have known each other all their lives. And that in the future they will understand each other in the same way as they do today. But alas, alas... Very little time passes after the wedding, and everything breaks down. Tenderness gives way to irritation, understanding to distance, the desire to give a loved one moments of happiness turns into demands for something from him. Quarrels begin, and doubts about the correctness of your choice creep into your soul, like snakes. At some point we want to get a divorce. But let's not rush. We are now in the first stage of family relationships. Such throwing is typical for him.

When falling in love, we usually idealize a person and do not notice his shortcomings. And even if we notice, we treat them favorably, arrogantly believing that we will then be able to correct these flaws in behavior. However, people do not change quickly. And the disadvantages of your loved one, when you don’t live under the same roof with him, don’t particularly bother you. Actually, until you find yourself under this roof, it is truly impossible to recognize them. Some things don’t catch your eye, some things seem insignificant, and some things are generally carefully hidden. Well, when people start living together, there’s no escape! The whole person is in plain sight.

The first stages of family relationships imply the discovery of new, hitherto not particularly known or simply ignored sides in one’s spouse. Most often it is quite unpleasant. And not at all because a man and a woman discover a lot of disgusting qualities in each other. It’s just that initially only good character traits were seen, to which a habit had already developed. And now the person’s not-so-nice characteristics have emerged. And you still have to get used to them.

In addition, most men calm down after marriage and stop really caring about their significant other. Women, in turn, no longer try to be as irresistible as before marriage. The result is that the spouses are unhappy with the changes that have occurred in each other. Dissatisfaction results in complaints, complaints - in quarrels.

If the husband and wife do not try to approach this situation wisely, the first period in the life of the family can end very badly. Such an ending can hardly be considered a good way out of the situation. After all, the breakdown of the family was led, by and large, to a lack of life experience and naivety in matters of the behavior of the opposite sex. But how can one gain such experience if the family falls apart as soon as it encounters any complications? And without him, both the second and the third will fall apart... So it’s not far to complete and ineradicable loneliness!

In a word, the first stage of family relationships, no matter how they develop further, we must learn to survive. The most important thing for spouses during this period is not to try to change each other. Such attempts will lead to nothing but conflicts. A person reflexively resists rude interference in his personal area. And, of course, he begins to fight the aggressor, without particularly thinking about the purpose for which the boundaries of his personal zone were violated. Therefore, you cannot insist that your significant other change. The time will come, and she herself will understand what needs to be changed in herself. In the meantime, it’s better to gradually get used to your life partner, trying to establish at least some kind of mutual understanding with him.

How to cope with a family crisis

If you realize that your couple is going through a crisis, this is half the success in getting out of it successfully. How to cope with a family crisis and take relationships to another level?

Communicate. Talk through all the problems and mutual complaints one by one. State the general rules and distribute responsibilities. Come to a compromise, that is, to a result that suits everyone. Know how to apologize if you realize you made a mistake. Learn to forgive. If you are not ready, then instead of ignoring, explain your condition and reschedule the conversation. Don't criticize your partner in front of witnesses. When expressing complaints, avoid insults and generalizations. Don't provoke your partner. If he is already stressed, help him. Don't do anything rash. Avoid hasty decisions. Look at your partner with new eyes, find new points of contact. Contact a psychologist.

Only with the cooperation of the spouses, the mutual desire to preserve the relationship and transfer it to a different quality, do they emerge from crises renewed and united. Don't give up, work on yourself, do your best in every life cycle to maintain a happy family. To be winners, not losers.