Middle age and crisis in men and women

Hello, dear readers! Today we will talk about middle age and its inherent crisis. Since you found this material, you probably began to suspect or experience some kind of personality changes. Do you think they are age related? Maybe. To find out, read on.

The period of middle age (adulthood) is interpreted differently in relation to its age stages. So, for example, D. Wexler called average adulthood the period from 20 to 35 years, D. Bromley - from 25 to 40 years, D. Birren - from 25 to 50 years. And according to the international classification, middle age is the life period from 36 to 60 years.

Generally speaking, and from the position of a social approach, rather than a psychophysiological one, another interpretation of the boundaries of middle age is found in the scientific literature. It is more generalized and individual for each person: from the moment of receiving professional education until retirement.

Thus, middle age is the middle of adulthood. There are early adulthood (18-22 - 30 years), middle (30 - 40-45 years) and late adulthood (40-45 - 55-60 years). We can say that this is a kind of transitional moment from youth to old age. On the one hand, a person still feels like a youth, but on the other hand, he understands that his time is running out. Old age is approaching, new personnel are coming to work, and the body’s strength is no longer the same. But is this really so?

Summary

To begin with, dear readers, I would like to briefly introduce you to the phenomenon discussed in the article through the basic concepts of developmental psychology.

Social situation of development: taking full responsibility for your life and the lives of other people.
The leading need of middle age is to be in demand (at work, at home, in the circles of the younger generation, and so on).
Leading activity: labor, communication and family.
Specifics of communication and communication connections: professional communication, assimilation of marital and child-parent relationships.
New developments of age (new characteristics): construction of life strategies, life decisions, the phenomenon of acme (peak of development), a new level of intellectual development, the phenomenon of parenthood.
Age crises: thirty years (search for the meaning of life, correction of strategy and life plan, change of guidelines); forty years (reassessment of values, feeling of loss of youth, doubts about the correctness of the life lived).

The severity, duration and success of resolving the crisis depend on the nature of the course of the previous age period, individual characteristics, and life circumstances.

Specifics of middle age

Within the framework of developmental psychology, the period of adulthood, including middle adulthood, has been studied the least. However, several supporting thoughts can be identified.

All aspects of personality develop approximately equally. This refers to ongoing physical, mental and personality changes. For comparison, I will give this example. The most striking representative of the uneven development of human resources is adolescence: rapid body growth, hormonal changes, but lagging professional and intellectual development.
Adulthood presupposes social and legal maturity. This means compliance with one’s duties, obtaining rights, bearing responsibility for one’s actions and words, and the ability to occupy any social and professional status.
The main psychological element of middle age is the person’s perception of himself as an adult and his attitude towards himself and his age.

The latter is where the midlife crisis comes from. Erik Erikson, a famous psychologist and psychotherapist, noted that middle age is not just another life stage and age period, but the immediate equator of a person’s entire life.

Signs of a midlife crisis

Men are more likely to experience emotional depression in midlife. This happens because of the desire to prove one’s worth.

The crisis in middle-aged men is manifested by an assessment of missed opportunities - material, sexual and professional.

A feature of the stage of self-acceptance is impulsive decisions and rash actions. This is how men try to realize their youthful and childhood fantasies.

Symptoms of depression in the stronger sex:

unkempt appearance or a radical change in image;
sleep disturbance;
need for extreme sports;
lack of new goals;
leaving the family;
decreased performance;
expensive and unnecessary purchases;
addiction to alcohol, gaming or drugs.

For women, the difficult period is calmer externally, but harder internally.

The causes of depression are dissatisfaction with one’s figure, loss of ties with adult children or husband. Forty-year-old women often experience dissatisfaction with life. Added to this are physiological problems - menopause, skin aging, fatigue.

Signs of crisis in women:

apathy towards others;
envy of other people's successes;
reluctance to do household chores;
lack of real action;
dissatisfaction and irritability;
Unjustified spending on improving appearance.

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Apathy

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in people vary in duration, severity and intensity of manifestations. The first sign of change is apathy. A person becomes indifferent to what previously worried, upset or pleased him.

Indifference to work, children, friends or other half is manifested by external calm.

Ways to combat apathy:

Appreciate what you have - others don’t have half of it.
Let go of the past. Imagine the future, form new goals for every day.
Think about what you want your life to look like in 10–20 years. There is still a lot of time to change yourself.

Reluctance to get out of bed

Age crises often coincide with physical or mental fatigue. It is expressed in the reluctance to get out of bed not only in the morning, but throughout the day. This condition is a sign of depression as the main symptom of crisis in adults. It can develop into a psychological illness - dysonia.

How to solve a problem:

Develop the habit of doing exercises in the morning.
To increase your energy, eat healthy foods.
Take supplements and vitamin-mineral complexes.

Lack of real action

During an age crisis, people try to radically change their lives. They constantly discuss new plans - for work, buying a car, repairs or vacation. Then comes the search for solutions. If there are no real actions, this indicates emotional problems.

Share your ideas with a family member, friend, or colleague. They will support, suggest non-standard ways to implement plans, and help with advice.

Life on autopilot

During a crisis, people tend to carry out their duties without thinking about anything. Living on autopilot is a subconscious escape from reality and your own problems.

Outwardly, everything is normal: a person works, raises children, takes care of household chores, but this happens out of habit, without desire.

How to fix the situation:

Read books about finding your “I” to better understand what is happening and develop attentiveness.
Take time to think about your core desires, re-evaluate and correct them.
Do yoga or meditation. Eastern practices will teach you how to relax your body and soul, and the ability to focus on important things.

Lack of purpose in life

The crisis of age-related development is characterized by a loss of reference points. A person has no goals in life. He thinks - I achieved everything I was capable of. In reality this is not the case. There may be several goals; striving for them is the path to progress. Adults tend to change, as do their priorities.

A critical stage in life can be a path to personal growth rather than depression.

What can be done:

Volunteer. Helping other people will relieve apathy and help you find yourself.
Make a 1, 2 or 3 year list of where you will vacation, retire, etc.

Envy of other people's success

Many people spend time not analyzing their lives, but evaluating the results of friends or acquaintances. Other people's success should not cause envy, even if people had more opportunities to implement their plans. Everyone is different and everyone has special ways of achieving their goals.

You cannot shift responsibility for your choice to other people who did something better.

Ways to tame envy:

Analyze the results of your life. Find achievements in it that you can be proud of.
Learn to be happy for people who are more successful.
To solve the problem, visit a psychologist.

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Irritability and dissatisfaction

The crisis changes not only the appearance, but also the inner world. A person notices negative symptoms in himself. Often he becomes aggressive and irritable. Dissatisfaction with family, excess weight, or an old car are signs of age-related changes.

A person believes that he deserves more, but will not have time to achieve it.

Self-calming methods:

Switch your attention to new areas of life. Make your old dreams come true - take up cooking, dancing or pottery.
Listen to relaxing music in the evenings, watch positive films. This will improve falling asleep. Quality sleep is the key to a good mood.

Need for adventure or change

Crisis is often caused by boredom and lack of adrenaline. There is an urgent need to change something.

The need for adventure is more pronounced in men.

They jump with a parachute, go to the mountains or drive a car. This behavior is normal - adrenaline is necessary for the male body.

Women want dramatic changes. This applies to everything – appearance, work, place of residence. For such reasons, middle-aged women often move to another city to start a new life, make young friends and change their field of activity.

Desire to leave family

Another symptom of the crisis is the rejection of the other half. Men go to young mistresses. Women file for divorce and live for themselves. This behavior is dictated by the desire to love or be loved, which was not the case in the previous family.

People mistakenly believe that a new partner will improve their lives, but change must start with yourself.

Solutions:

Spend more time with your wife or husband.
Do household chores together, attend concerts or exhibitions. Middle age is the best period to establish relationships with your other half, to give her what you previously lacked the strength for.

Cravings for alcohol or drugs

Sometimes alcohol helps middle-aged people get through a crisis. This is the wrong way - alcohol does not change anything, but only temporarily eliminates anxiety about the future. The next morning, a headache will be added to the worries.

This way of avoiding problems is destructive because it destroys health.

The most dangerous symptom of the age crisis is craving for drugs. A person risks forever changing his life for the worse and dooming his family to suffering. If you feel that you want to relieve the problem with the help of herbs or pills, contact a narcologist. The doctor will tell you how to cope with negative desires. Try talking about this problem with a friend or significant other. What is said out loud is easier to accept and find ways to solve.

Crises

Crisis – the impossibility of further life in the previous status; the inability to overcome obstacles with usual actions.

The interpretation of middle age as an equator speaks for itself and hints at the content of the crisis. There is an assessment of the path traveled and construction of a future life based on the available “material”. The individual evaluates his success in personal, professional and social life. Often compares with peers.

What’s important is that he views his achievements through his own worldview prism. A crisis occurs when personal needs, desires and experiences diverge. That is, in someone else's eyes a person can look successful, but in his own - worthless.

The first midlife crisis, according to the theory of psychologist Daniel Levinson, occurs at the age of 29-32. Manifested by a revision of values and the essence of life. There is a need to take stock and at the same time for change.
The second crisis occurs at 40-42 years old. It is based on the personal question “What can I give to other people, to the new generation?” Most often, a contradiction arises between the dreams of youth, the goals of youth and the reality of maturity.

Sometimes there is only one crisis at any one stage, which includes elements of both of the above. A midlife crisis is also called a motivational crisis (“Why?”, “What’s the point?”).

Adulthood crises have several distinctive features (in comparison with childhood age-related crises):

More aware, but at the same time hidden.
Occur less frequently.
They are more attached to the individual life line than the age line.
Caused by physiological, social, psychological and gender factors.

The main thing you need to understand about a midlife crisis is that it is an extremely subjective and individual phenomenon based on the satisfaction (dissatisfaction) of a leading need. Based on the need, we can say that two areas of life are significant for a person: professional and family. Satisfaction and dissatisfaction with oneself, and, of course, personal development primarily depend on them.

Professional area

In adulthood, a person is often faced with the understanding that the profession was chosen incorrectly, which is why he needs to relearn. How can you determine job satisfaction or dissatisfaction? There are several supporting statements:

In the right job, a person gets tired not from the work itself, but from the factors that prevent him from doing it.
Work activity is continuous, constant motivation is maintained.
There is initiative and responsibility remains. This point is often associated with the psychophysiological characteristics of the individual. Initiative can disappear, for example, even in childhood due to improper parental upbringing. And also the person himself is able to suppress his desires and needs (this is initiative). For example, knowing that their bosses will reject them anyway. The third reason for lack of initiative is insufficient competencies for their presentation and implementation.

Thus, discomfort is caused by the awareness of one’s own business and the routine of life.

Family sphere

In the context of a midlife crisis, a family crisis often follows. As a rule, by the age of 30-45 people are already starting families. Moreover, many individuals are already parents, often of quite adult children.

The situation changes radically if the crisis and the period of middle adulthood in general are superimposed on the teenage period and the crisis of the child. There is a simultaneous reassessment of values among two generations. The optimal way out of the situation is to restructure relationships from patronage to partnership.

The second nuance of the totality of adolescence and middle age is the professional orientation of children:

Firstly, contradictions may arise against the background of the economic side of the issue.
Secondly, parents who have experienced and realized their own mistake of choice may try not to change their professional field themselves, but to realize their plans through their children.

Personal development

This characteristic is closely related to the previous two. An adult personality is defined by 3 categories:

care and education (creation) of a new generation;
productive professional sphere;
individual creativity.

That is, a person participates in the cultural and social progress of society. Having children and creating something socially significant (works of art, literature) can replace each other.

A middle-aged adult typically has the following personal characteristics:

ability to take responsibility;
organizational skills;
ability to provide emotional and intellectual support to others;
self-confidence and determination;
tendency to philosophical generalizations;
developed will and resistance to life’s difficulties;
the ability to defend one’s beliefs and stick to them;
formation of an individual life style;
desire and desire to participate in public life, give your experience and knowledge to the younger generation;
real outlook on life, sober expectations, a sense of accomplishment and an organized life;
stabilization of social, financial and other own systems.

These are personal new formations of middle age. Some of them are formed closer to late adulthood, some can be caught already at an early stage of growing up. But most of these characteristics are acquired by a person during the golden mean (middle age).

A little more about personalities, behavior and the crisis

All mature people are divided into 4 types:

Spontaneously ordinary. The life of such a person is not organized. It is difficult for him to control what is happening due to the fact that he constantly cannot keep up with time. That is, a person has to adapt to situations that have already happened.
Functionally effective. The individual takes an active part in his life, organizes it, and directs it. However, this is situational and selective. There is no general plan for life.
Contemplative-prolonged. He goes with the flow, does not have his own plans and desires (except for momentary ones).
Creative and transformative. Ideal behavior for an adult. This is a successful person. She is able to control and manage time, to connect situations and events with the overall life plan.

The severity of a midlife crisis depends on the type of behavior. The last type is least susceptible to crisis. Most of all - the first. You may ask, why not the third? The answer is simple: a passive person simply will not notice any contradiction, or rather it will not arise. And the first will experience serious discomfort from the inability to influence the course of life.

Midlife crisis in men - mistresses, leaving the family: what should a woman do?

Every woman has faced a man's midlife crisis. Very often a man finds a solution to the problem in a new hobby, a young girl who will lift his spirits and more.

The result of such spree is often divorce, and most often on the initiative of the wife. But in vain, because when going to the side, a man never at first thinks about leaving the family. A man after 35 in this case can look for new positive emotions and a sexual charge, nothing more. And no matter how much wives think about eternal love, the man gets fed up with family ties and looks for fire on the side.

But many men at the age of 40 admit that their wife completely suits them as a companion, hostess and mother. And a girl on the side is just a temporary hobby. And while spending leisure time with his mistress, a man first of all thinks about maintaining a secret. After all, he is an excellent family man, a careerist and a caring father. And if this happens, then the combination of mistress + wife brings him a positive emotional surge.

But everything secret someday becomes clear and the time comes when the wife finds out about the betrayal from “well-wishers”. Moreover, very often the mistress herself informs about this, thinking that, in this way, she will get the man alone. Not every woman is ready to be in the background all her life.

A man may have a mistress

And if the betrayal had not been exposed, then after a year or two the man was tired of his young passion, and he returned to the quiet family shore. But in life there are unpredictable and unexpected situations. What to do?

It is important for a woman to behave with restraint and correctly in this situation. And this means, so that your husband does not go away to seek solace on the side during a crisis depression, try to take care of yourself, be well-groomed and feminine. Support your man, listen to him and be a friend, partner and a great lover.

But don't turn self-care into fanaticism. Otherwise, a man will leave his eternally brilliant wife with long nails and false eyelashes to go where they will simply prepare him delicious borscht. Find a middle ground.

But imagine that you were informed about treason. What are your actions? Yes, first of all, I want to tear out all my mistress’s hair, slap my husband in the face and throw him out the door, expecting him to crawl on his knees every day begging for forgiveness.

A man may even decide to divorce

But here it is important to understand the psychology of a forty-year-old man. At this age, they no longer want troubles, although many never want this. And especially if the other one accepts him with open arms, then it may turn out that by collecting his things, you will only make his life easier. He will calmly go into the warm arms of a satisfied passion.

But this course of events does not suit us. Therefore, you should remember these rules:

Keep your mouth shut. Yes, it’s difficult and you want to do something nasty to your mistress in front of everyone. But be wise, this will be credited to you later. And later, when everything ends well for you, you will pour your spouse on the first day. But now it is important not to disclose these personal nuances.
Find an ally. Believe it or not, your mother-in-law will help you with this. After all, she also worries about her beloved son. And if she finds out that he abandoned his children and his wife for the sake of a young, fidgety girl, she is unlikely to be happy. Maybe, for starters, she will show irony to her daughter-in-law that, apparently, she behaved badly with her son, since he went on a spree. But he will have a conversation with a man, rest assured.
Get information about your opponent. You won’t find out the truth from a man, besides, he will easily tell you that he had nothing to do with it, that she bewitched her, got her drunk, etc. But you need to find out everything about her as much as possible and understand what attracted your man to her.

Here the one who is wiser and more self-possessed, cunning and calm will win. You just need to let your husband go, yes, yes, you heard right. Just tell your husband: “If she is more important to you, then you can be with her. But you should know that I cannot live without you, because I love and value you.”

Remember that the best way to keep a man is to let him go. Under no circumstances should you kick your husband out. Even if it hurts a lot and you don’t have the strength to see him. Talk to your partner and let him talk.

It is also important to learn to forgive. Yes, it’s difficult and painful, but all people make mistakes. And maybe right now your husband has realized how dear you and your family are to him.

A man needs help

The main thing to remember is that it is important to be attentive to each other. Do not spend your leisure time with books and TV alone, but do everything together, find common interests, travel. And then the husband will be so passionate about his family and wife that, behind the joyful impressions, he will not allow the demon to penetrate his soul and body.

“Dominant basic makeup” of personality

Psychotherapist Bernard Livehud determined that by middle age the personality has a certain base, a “dominant basic structure” against which a person’s life develops. Interestingly, the inclinations of one type or another are present from birth. The author identified several types of people and the specifics of their adulthood:

Research type. As a rule, these are lonely people, passionate about an idea and accumulating information. Their goal in life is to understand how the world works.
Thinking type. They strive to systematize the data obtained, identify connections, and propose theories. They don't always follow logic. They seek out or create contradictions. For this they are not always well received by society or end up in conflicts.
Organizing type. Adults of this type do not like to reason, but love to do. They are building a career and trying to constantly move up.
The caring type. The name speaks for itself. For such a person, it is important to take care of someone, raise them, feed them, protect them. It’s great if such a person works as a teacher and has a full-fledged family at home. Then there are all the prerequisites for successful self-realization in all areas.
Reforming type. These are innovators and pioneers. They are freer than other types, but are often punished and misunderstood. Such people create culture and develop society.
Protective type. The opposite of the previous one. They strive to leave everything as it is, record it as accurately as possible and pass it on. The profession of historian and accountant is perfect for them.
Creative type. Rarely found in its pure form. There is an opinion that creativity has a place in any profession. A trait like creativity is useful everywhere.

Based on this typology and the fact that the formation of types begins much earlier than middle age, I dare to suggest that the severity and content of the midlife crisis depends on the orientation of the individual.

So what do I want to say? You can't use clichés. For example, it is a mistake to believe that all childless or single people can suddenly begin to suffer because of this when they reach middle age. Some people don't really need it. For example, the organizing type. He is more likely to suffer if he realizes that he has not reached the maximum in his work that he could or wanted.

Thus, a mature person is happy and satisfied with his life when his beliefs and values do not contradict what he does; when he realized himself in all areas. Self-realization in this case means the active embodiment of one’s ideas and values with the help of one’s talents and abilities in activities (professional and social) that do not contradict one’s system of life beliefs. Otherwise, a severe midlife crisis occurs.

Midlife crisis in men: what does a wife and mistress need to know?

Having more or less figured out what needs to be done, it’s time to study the main mistakes. These are the actions that should not be performed:

Do not force yourself on a depressed man with advice. There is no need to use: “I believe”, “I am sure”, “I know what is best.” A man must understand that he himself is capable of making this or that decision.
Don't blame yourself for your husband's depression. Every man experiences this stage to one degree or another.
A man should not see your tears. In this situation, he will not feel sorry for you, but will only become even more angry.
Don’t be offended if a man doesn’t show signs of attention to you, he’s now all about himself and his problems. But you, in turn, show tenderness and support your partner. This will give him confidence in his need.
Give the man freedom, let him think calmly. But make sure that he doesn’t like this freedom.
Never talk about divorce. In such a state, a man can easily agree to this, and then you will have to regret it.
No scenes of jealousy. This can lead either to a groundless scandal out of nowhere or the man leaving your life.
Don't stop looking after yourself. Play sports, visit beauty salons. Be in shape, but don't make a doll of yourself. Self-development of a partner will invigorate a man.

A husband needs family warmth.
A man's midlife crisis is inevitable. But thanks to close people and a pleasant home atmosphere, it can be fleeting and easy.

Middle age, what next?

It has been scientifically proven that middle age is the least related to physical age. This is the difficulty of defining clear age boundaries. The same, by the way, is relevant for the moment of crisis. The onset and duration of middle age depends on the individual's individual characteristics, experiences and environment.

In middle age, a person begins to clearly understand that one cannot escape oneself and the past. Often comes the realization of the mistakes made, and with it the understanding of the impossibility of rewinding time in order to fix everything, change it (“Oh, I wish I was now at that time. I would have acted completely differently. And I would have given myself a good kick”). You can't argue with experience. All that remains is to accept it and draw conclusions.

But what undeniable advantage does adulthood have? Possibilities. That is, you can't fix something, but you can start doing it differently. Are you tired of work or family routine? Give it new meanings and values. Take a new look at familiar things.

Often in middle age an interest in life as such arises. A person begins to enjoy it and look at it from new angles. The pursuit of status, finances and self-development is slowly beginning to fade into the background. Although, of course, it is always useful to grow in all respects.

In general, what do I want to say? An adult can allow himself to be himself, to do what he likes, and in the way he likes, based on previous experiences and situations when he did what was needed. So middle age provides an excellent basis for a new life. This is a kind of rebirth of personality.

However, on the other hand, there is a clear understanding of the limited time. That is why there is no need to waste it. Every step of a mature person should be valuable and useful. When you’re young, everything seems limitless: time, energy. But already in adulthood, the realization comes that this is far from true. And this, of course, on the one hand is sad. But on the other hand, this is the human cycle. So let's live each stage with dignity? Otherwise, in pursuit of the “crane”, you may not notice anything at all and not have time.

Results

It's interesting to be mature. Just think, now you are the person you can ask for advice. Maturity gives you the right to choose for yourself what is good and what is bad. But the other side of the coin is the responsibility for this independence. Please don't forget this.

Thus, I dare to say that middle age is a field for fantasy. Yes, you don’t have much time anymore (unfortunately, you have to come to terms with this), but you have a lot of experience and knowledge.

As for the crisis, its course and overcoming differs not so much by gender, but by the individual characteristics and living conditions of a person. As part of this, I recommend that you get acquainted with two more of my works on the topic of midlife crisis: “Midlife crisis in women - advice from a psychologist” and “Midlife crisis in men – advice from a psychologist.” You can also find literature recommendations there.

Thank you for your time! May the crisis of the essence of existence not affect you! And if it hits you, then behave with dignity! You can handle it, I know that you are smart.

Midlife crisis in men - depression: how to survive it, how to get out of it?

Depression during a midlife crisis is a phenomenon that will not surprise anyone. But it must be overcome. Let's figure out how to do this.

Let's look at everything step by step:

Problems at work - low wages, always dissatisfied management, envious colleagues.

In this case, you need to find out whether you need this type of activity. Maybe you should take a short vacation and look for a new job. Yes, it’s difficult and maybe even scary to start something over again. But is this worse than going to work like going to hard labor? Or maybe you can try working for yourself. You just need to decide on the field of activity and not give up.

Problems with my wife - misunderstandings, scandals.

The important thing here is not to be selfish. Reconsider your behavior, because it’s not only the woman who is wrong in everything. Think about how best to smooth out this or that situation. Take one step forward and get two steps in return.

You may need help from a psychologist

But if a man cannot cope with depression on his own and the situation only gets worse, then you need to visit a specialist. An experienced psychologist will be able to help, find common ground and ways to solve the problem.

In addition, if the depression is deep, the psychotherapist may resort to drug treatment.

IMPORTANT: Drug treatment should only be carried out by a psychotherapist. There is no need to treat a man with medications that helped a relative or colleague. The choice of drug is selected individually, taking into account the degree of depression.

Drug treatment may consist of:

Antidepressants, of which there are a huge variety. All of them help eliminate anxiety and depression. They also improve sleep and appetite.
Tranquilizers, which are used at the beginning of treatment for a short course. The effect of taking the drugs occurs after about 2 weeks.
Mood stabilizers. These drugs eliminate depressive disorder and stabilize mood. After taking the drug, the man will not experience mood swings in the depressive direction.
Vitamins – vitamin B is used to normalize the nervous system.